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Not Quite Worthless	By : Scathach Category: +S to Z > Trigun Views: 6672 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Trigun, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
Thank you all for reading and reviewing, I appreciate it so much, and am glad y�all are still enjoying the story.
So I�m not the only one who thinks Knives need to get out and party a little? Maybe if he did, he�d manage to work that stick out of his ass�
Special thanks to Arafel for pulling beta duty on this chapter! Your help was much appreciated.

Chapter 7

Bodies. There were dead bodies everywhere.
He knew them all. There were people from the ship, and friends from July.
He began to run, hoping against hope that he would find a survivor.
Angel. Dead.
Martin. Dead.
Samuel, John, Ariana�all dead.
They were all faces from his past, the lines and curves of each sharply defined even through the smoke and ash.
His chest began to burn with exertion, and his eyes were blurry�whether it was sweat or tears, he couldn�t tell. But he couldn�t stop; he had to see if there were any survivors.
The ruins of July lay to his left. Augusta lay savaged in the near distance.
Vash wiped his face and kept running; the dust stirred by his boots the only movement in the desolation.
He turned a corner, and a familiar shape loomed before him. Wolfwood�s cross. The priest was crumpled at its base; a thin tendril of smoke rose from a cigarette just beneath his lifeless hand.
Vash felt the tears spill from his face once more, faced with the death of his friend. Sobs of heartache and gasps of horror fought, clawing in his chest. A few feet away, Millie lay with one hand stretched in mute pleading; a tiny bundle clutched in her other arm.
�Stop, stop�� he pleaded soundlessly. �No more!� He clasped his hands to his head and ran on, clinging to a last sliver of hope.
Finally, he came to the sight he most dreaded. Meryl lay propped up against a wall, derringers still clenched in each hand, empty ones littered about her. She had not died easily, her mouth fixed into a rictus of pain and anger, her violet eyes covered in the film of death.
No.
Knives, no.
There was no doubt in his mind that his brother was responsible. Hopelessness and anger filled his gut. What was the point in going on? Knives would never let him live. He would never let Vash have any kind of happiness.
Never.
He fell to his knees, hands digging into the ground. Despair yawned before him; the stark blackness of the abyss waited to swallow him whole.
�Why must you take everything from me?� he screamed. �They never hurt you!�
Vash.
Leave me alone, Knives!
Vash, wake up.
All you�ve ever done is cause me pain! Stop it; stop hurting me! Stop!
�Vash! Vash, stop it! Wake up!� Knives shook his brother, trying to wake him, alarmed and disturbed by the emotions pouring from his brother�s mind.
Vash finally opened his eyes, and Knives was shocked to see the blind fear and pain in his brother�s face. He had just enough time to notice before he flew across the room and slammed into the wall. He lay there, crumpled and stunned, as Vash screamed over and over in apparent agony.
Vash hadn�t touched him physically. In his pain, he had thrown his brother across the room with a concentrated telekinetic blast. His fear more than made up for his lack of practice.
The women ran in, and Knives could feel their concern and alarm even through the thick blanket of shock dulling his senses.
Millie made her careful way over to Knives, and before he realized, she got him to his feet and gently but firmly steered him out of the room.
He shivered despite himself, as his brother�s screams continued. As much as he hated to admit it, his presence would only make things worse.
Knives had always justified his actions with his belief that they were for Vash�s own good. But somehow, after hearing Vash�s screams and witnessing his utter misery�Knives� normal excuses rang hollow.
***
Meryl�s first thought was that the two were fighting again, and she briefly wondered if the house would remain standing. But she burst into the brothers� room to see Knives lying stunned against the wall, and Vash sitting in the bed, scream after scream of anguish wracking his body.
She choked back a sob as she ran to calm him. Vash�s eyes stared blindly at first, but he made no move to push her away.
Meryl wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly. She murmured soothing words over and over, trying to let him know that he was not alone, and that no one was in any danger.
Finally, awareness crept back into his aqua eyes, and he quieted down. He gulped in breath after breath, shaking with effort. �Meryl?� he asked hoarsely. His arms slithered around her waist and tightened.
�I�m here, Vash,� she said, sending a silent prayer of thanks. �I�m here, we�re all okay.�
�Knives?� He had shut himself off from his brother; unable to face whatever pain his nightmare might have caused the other plant.
�Millie�s with him. I�m sure they�re both stuffing their faces by now.� Meryl shifted slightly. She was sitting on his bed, with her back against the headboard. He had his arms wrapped around her middle and his head pressed to her chest. She began to run one hand through his hair, humming softly, while rocking him back and forth. Vash�s iron grip gradually eased, and he tipped his head to look her in the face.
�I�m sorry for waking you�and worrying you,� he said quietly. His voice was still rough from screaming.
�It�s not your fault. Don�t apologize.� Meryl said firmly. She stopped rocking, but continued to toy with strands of his hair. She blinked back tears as she pressed a kiss to his forehead. �It�s not your fault at all.�
Vash sighed, and lowered his face once more. Even though she was half his size, he felt comforted lying in her arms like this. He smiled to himself; her fierce protectiveness more than made up for her small stature.
Meryl looked over at the clock. It was almost one in the morning, so there was still enough time to get some sleep before work. She loosened her grip on Vash and he looked up at her.
�You�ve sweated through your sheets,� she said softly. Her tone turned brisk. �Why don�t you go and take a quick shower? I�ll have your sheets changed when you get back.�
He sat up, mouth open to protest when she cut him off. �I know I can�t stop the nightmares, but�I�� Meryl sighed. �Just�just let me do something. Please.�
Vash nodded, and rose to collect his towel and bath things. Meryl followed him into the hall and rummaged in the linen closet as he went in the bathroom.
Meryl put her body on autopilot, efficiently stripping the bed and untwisting the blankets from where they had landed on the floor. She shook out the spare set of sheets. They had just been washed a few days ago, and they still smelled fresh. She quickly made the bed, smoothing down the sheets and plumping his pillow before tossing it against the headboard.
She had just shaken out and spread the blanket over the bed when Vash returned from his shower, a towel still hanging around his neck. He had changed into a pair of sweatpants that were even more raggedy than the ones he had worn to bed. His chest was bare, and Meryl could see the faint rays of the moons reflecting on the metal embedded in his skin.
�Well, I just finished, so�� Meryl stopped and frowned when she saw that his hair was still dripping.
�Vash, you can�t go to sleep like that. You could get sick.� Meryl scolded. She grabbed his arm and pushed him gently towards the bed. �Sit down. I�ll finish it for you.�
Grabbing his towel, she stood in front of him and briskly rubbed the towel into his hair, blotting all the excess water. Vash sat there, patient and acquiescent, as she blotted and squeezed the tips of his hair. It got to a point where Meryl had to admit to herself that his hair was as dry as she was going to get it with the now damp towel. Anything she was doing now was purely for the pleasure of it.
�All done,� she said hoarsely. Vash looked up at her, eyes unfathomable in the dark room. He then let his head sink forward, resting it between her breasts.
�V-Vash?� she squeaked, right before his hands came up to grasp her hips. She laid a small hand on top of his head.
�Are you happy?� The sudden question was muffled.
�Happy?�
�Here with me. Do I make you happy?�
Meryl flushed. She was still not used to being open about her feelings for him.
You make me�complete, she thought. I feel like I�m more myself when I�m with you. Like I couldn�t be me if you were gone. So�yes. I am happy here with you.
What came out was, �I wouldn�t stay otherwise.�
Vash raised his head, dragging his nose along her skin until their eyes met. He couldn�t help enjoying the feeling of her shivering beneath her nightshirt.
�I just wanted to know if it was even possible. If I could make anyone happy. Knives hates everything I stand for. And sometimes I think Rem would be very disappointed in how my life has turned out.� He rubbed one hand over the back of his neck, looking utterly drained.
�I think she would be disappointed for you, not with you. I think she�d be sad at all the pain you�ve been put through. But I think she would understand. I can�t imagine she wouldn�t love you just the same.� Her voice became more brisk. �You should get some rest now. Nightmares can wear anyone out.� She gave his head one last caress and leaned back, preparing to step away.
�Thanks, Meryl.�
Violet eyes softened once more. �You know you don�t have to thank me.� She couldn�t help looking at his upraised face again.
He�s so beautiful, she thought. It�s awful that such a good person has to suffer so much.
Vash smiled faintly and reached one hand up behind her head and drew her down for a soft, sweet kiss.
Meryl pulled back after a moment, shaken by the gentle power behind his touch. She smiled back at him before turning for the door. �Get some rest.�
Vash nodded as the door closed behind her. For the first time ever after a nightmare, he dropped immediately back to sleep.
***
Meryl went into the kitchen to check on Millie and Knives. Millie had begun making pudding in bulk, saving the cans for trips outside the house. She currently had a spoon dipped into an enormous bowl of chocolate pudding, while Knives sat across from her, his plate of cookies untouched.
He looked up intently as soon as Meryl walked in, anticipating her report.
�He�s all right,� Meryl said. �He�s calmed down, and hopefully he�ll go right back to sleep.�
Millie smiled and stood up. �Well, that�s good news. I told you he�d be all right, Mr. Knives.�
Knives didn�t respond as Millie covered her pudding and put it away. �I�m going to bed then. Good night!�
�Good night, Millie.� Meryl smiled as Millie began to climb the stairs.
Meryl watched as Knives continued to stare at the table. �He�s not angry at you. At least, he didn�t say anything to me.� He remained silent.
�So, you can go back in there whenever you want,� she continued.
Knives looked up. His fa�ade was cracking, and despite his usual arrogance, he seemed utterly lost.
Meryl sighed. She was starting to feel compassion for him in spite of herself.
Not enough to miss any more sleep, though. Meryl was damn sure that Knives was at least partly responsible for Vash�s nightmare in the first place, and couldn�t help feeling a burning resentment. �Well, I�m going to bed, Knives. Goodnight.�
Knives barely noticed as she turned and left the room. He was stuck between wanting to justify the behavior that had caused his brother�s night terrors, and his fierce love and protectiveness. He had been there; he had felt the agony that hit Vash over and over again as he was faced with the corpses of friend and stranger alike.
Vash felt trapped and scared by the feeding frenzy his life had become. Every time he tried to relax and live in peace, one of his brother�s henchmen would come after him again, leeching just a bit more of his life.
Each time, they gouged out another chunk of his soul, leaving scars as ragged as those on his skin.
Knives had never truly let himself consider what his pursuit was doing to his brother. He saw Vash as obstinate and gullible, foolishly believing in these humans as they continued to inflict pain and suffering on him and the other plants. Vash was so determined to stay happy that Knives was able to ignore the true effects that their battle had left on him.
It shook Knives to realize that he himself had hurt him more than any human ever could. No human had ever caused his brother to wake up in a cold sweat or scream himself hoarse.
Only family could do that kind of damage. Only loved ones knew the weakest points to strike.
And yet Vash not only refrained from killing him, but he was doing his best to make his brother feel welcome and safe. And so were his friends. For the first time, it hit him that these women were not here through coercion or self-interest. He thought back on his earlier conversation with Millie.
�Why don�t you hate me, Millie?�
She looked up, her light blue eyes wide with surprise. �Why should I hate you?�
�I was responsible�however indirectly�for Wolfwood�s death. Why haven�t you tried to avenge him?�
Millie was quiet for a few moments. The somber mask looked out of place on her face. Then she drew in a breath, and her face cleared slightly.
�Well, I can�t say that I didn�t resent you. I still do sometimes, when I think of how my baby won�t ever know his father. But you were crazy then. And now you�re not.�
�Crazy?� Knives was slightly offended, even as he acknowledged to himself that his behavior had been on the obsessive side.
�Well, yes.� Millie blinked her large eyes at him. �You�d been hurt so badly that your mind just snapped. You just needed the sense beat into you, and that�s what your brother did. My Gramma always said some people had bad beat into them, and some people needed bad beat out of them. You were both, I think.�
And once again, her child-like straightforwardness had managed to stun Knives into silence.

A/N: Millie�s just the shit, huh?
She seems very southern to me, as in the southern US. What with her coming from a big family, and being all open and welcoming and dropping her bits of homespun wisdom. I don�t think she gets enough credit.
- 6
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- 8
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Not Quite Worthless