Zoro Learns Some Manners

…so I’m just borrowing them for the sake of Yaoi. Once I’m done then I promise to wipe them off and give them back ;) Any resemblance to real people is coincidental - these characters are pure fantasy!


Warning: contains a lot of very strong language and steamy Yaoi / boysecks (Zoro x Sanji)


The phrase “razor dance” is not mine - it’s the name of a song by Richard Thompson. I always thought it was a great metaphor for a really skilled sword fight.
This one’s a bit long, let me know if I should break it up.
I hope you’re in the mood for a good punch up!


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Sanji took in the scene in front of him. It took a while for his brain to figure it all out. First, there was the huge pile of rubble. It looked like it used to be the front room of the pub, so at least that made some sense. Then, there was the massive man with the shock of flaming orange hair. He was powerfully built with layers of lovingly crafted muscle and bare-chested except for a wreath of jewelled necklaces. His dark eyes bulged with rage and his broad flat face was a delightful shade of eggplant. He also seemed to be wearing a pleated skirt and beating his chest with what looked like a cat.


That part certainly did not make sense.


Then there was the minor detail of the swarming mass of angry pirates. The street was awash with scowling, screaming, and fighting men. Somehow, he had expected that.


Luffy really knew how to make friends.


He paused at the corner and scanned the wreckage for his nakama. Usopp and Chopper were huddled together in the remainder of the front bar. Usopp was shooting and Chopper was hiding behind him, recognisable only by one antler and a segment of hat peeking out from his chosen shield. Robin was standing just outside; she had a good defensive position with her back to the remains of the wall. Clever woman, that one. Several men squirmed at her feet, slowly suffocating as she calmly and effortlessly throttled them.


Luffy was not hard to spot. His arms were wrapped firmly around the towering inferno of chest beating rage. He was on the man’s back and was shouting with delight as the huge pirate tried to prise him off in order, Sanji presumed, to pound the living daylights out of him.


A green and blue blur streaked past him and into the fray. Trust Zoro to just run head first into the action without even figuring out what was going on. For all Sanji knew, Luffy had started it. But then again, he had a duty to protect his nakama and his precious Mellorine… Wait. Where was Nami?


Sanji didn’t stop to think any more. He hurled himself into the swarming mass of men feet first and ploughed his way through the melee towards the bar. She had to be there. She had to be alright.


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Zoro only knew one thing: there was a fight and he wasn’t in it


…but that could be fixed.


He leapt around the corner and drew just one katana. No need to get too excited too early. He had cut down three scruffy looking men and punched a gaudy plump lady in the face before he even saw anyone he recognised. Usopp was wedged in the corner of the front room surrounded by very angry pirates. He was trembling and fumbling his ammunition. Zoro could hear Luffy screaming. He hoped that he hadn’t taken out all the tough guys already. It would be just typical of Luffy to start a fight and keep all the fun to himself.


Zoro briefly considered going to see what his Captain was doing - but he sounded like he was having fun, so Usopp came first. He was the weakest after all.


Mumbling a soft curse under his breath, Zoro focussed in on the marksman and made a direct line towards him. A knife appeared in front of him; he put Yubashiri through the palm attached to it and twisted. Another knife hurtled towards him and he deflected it with the end of the blade, turning full circle to take a nice slice out of the man behind him with the pistol. He was not in the mood for pistols today, his damn hip still hurt.


After removing several more weapons and head butting a man who seemed too afraid to just get the hell out his way, Zoro finally got to Usopp.


“Oh Z-z-z-zoro! I have everything under control!” he squeaked.


Chopper promptly disengaged himself from Usopp’s knees and attached himself to Zoro’s face.


“Hey, I can’t see…” the swordsman grumbled, taking a backwards swipe at some bar wench behind him who was trying to knock him out with a vase. “Get off me!” He tried to prise the timid Doctor off his face with one hand, but his grip was too strong.


“Damn it, Chopper!” He sheathed his katana and ripped the furry tyke off him. Usopp was cowering behind Zoro and taking pot shots at anyone who came close. The swordsman put Chopper down behind him and drew two katanas this time; Yubashiri in his left hand and the bloody Sandai Kitetsu in his right. If he kept going with just one all the fun would be over by the time he got back out to Luffy.


No way was he going to let that happen.


He undid his bandana and tied it over his head.


He closed his dark eyes and focussed on the weight of the blades in his hands. He felt their tempered steel arc out from his body - as much a part of him as an arm or a leg. He took a deep, calming breath and drew his arms up in front of him. His whole world narrowed to the single point where those blades crossed.


He slowly opened his eyes.


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Sanji’s instincts told him he was headed in the right direction. He could almost smell the sweet waft of Nami’s tropical sunset perfume. He skirted around the pile of rubble, over the last loose stones and up into the remains of the front room. He barely even had to hurt anyone. Zoro had cleared him a path. He went straight to the bar; there were a knot of pirates in front of it thumping each other randomly. Looked like a typical bar fight.


He kicked an unexpectedly well-dressed man in the stomach, stomped on a random face or two and vaulted the bar. Behind it, three men were wrestling on the ground. They were fighting over something. Something with flame-red hair that made Sanji’s heart skip a beat. Nami.


The bastards were fighting over Nami.


Sanji could feel the rage settling down over him. It clouded his brain, and then fogged his eyes red before sinking all the way down, to rest heavy in his feet. He whipped his body in a spinning arc; the toe of his shoe sent the closest man crashing hard into the wooden cupboard. Boards broke and splinters flew as the man sagged limply to the ground.


He flicked his eyes across to the second man who was standing up in slow motion. He had a leather vest and pants, and long scraggly black hair. He was at least a head taller than Sanji, long and lean. He leered and took a step forwards, his hand reaching out to the rifle leaning on the wall beside him. His expression changed as Sanji put his hands down on the floor boards and started turning - his force and speed increasing with every spin. The sound of bone hitting bone shot out as Sanji connected with the man’s legs. He felt them snap as he moved on through the spin like there was nothing there at all.


He flipped back to his feet and turned towards the last man, a scrawny blonde thing with a single long scar down the side of his face. He was holding Nami down by the wrists, leaning over her and smothering her with his body. Sanji let the rage take him as the red fog rolled in. He kicked the man hard on the shoulder, sweeping him up and away from his Mellorine. The scrawny pirate pulled a metal bar out of nowhere as he turned, and drove it up into Sanji’s neck. He gasped as it bit into his throat and cut off his breathing. He lifted his knee and turned into the kick, knocking the bar out into the melee on the other side of the room.


He looked down at the pathetic waste of a black flag beneath him. The man scrambled backwards and jumped over the end of the bar. He edged, backwards across the room away from the street, watching Sanji’s every move. The cook stepped over Nami’s crumpled form, checked she was alright, and moved her gently to lean against the bar. Then he stood up slowly, looked the man directly in the eyes, and unleashed all his anger into a single downwards rush. The end of the bar blew across the room and showered the retreating figure in kindling.


Sanji stepped through the gap he had created and walked slowly towards his victim. For what this man had done to Nami…


He tapped the end of his shoe on the floor, twice, and slowly tensed the muscles from his toes all the way up his body. He closed the gap between them in what seemed like a single step. He arched his back into the kick and rolled his powerful hips around. He felt his foot meet the resistance of cheekbones, and then they gave beneath his crushing blow. The man jerked sideways in the air and hit an unlucky fighter in the back and they both went down. Sanji went over to finish him. The man was crumpled and broken on the floor, already out cold. Bastard. Sanji wiped the blood off his shoe onto the pirate’s shirt and then went to get Nami. She’d better be ok.


She was still huddled against the bench in the bar where Sanji had left her. She stirred slightly and looked up at the cook with her beautiful big eyes and opened up her sensuous soft lips to thank her Prince,


“WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU, YOU COMPLETE IDIOT?!?”


His sweet cherry blossom was screaming at him. He was so busy drooling over the way her adorable face scrunched up when she screamed that it took him a minute to realise… The full weight of the fact pressed down on him. It was awful. It was unthinkable. It was horrible.


She was wearing a t-shirt. No more bikini time for Sanji.


And Luffy had destroyed the hotel, so he probably wasn’t going to get laid.


What a fucking day.


“Oh sweet vision of loveliness, I am so sorry to..” he broke off when Nami punched him in the stomach. She was fully dressed, unscathed, and fighting fit.


Thank Kami for that.


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Zoro moved through the fight like water. Along the path of least resistance, he twisted his body in the air and whirled like dust on the breeze. He felt, more than saw, the men falling away from him as his blades twirled in their razor dance. He cleaved the air and sent out ripples and waves. Sometimes men managed to hold their ground for a second, but then he moved through them like so much rain.


He could feel the power of the two men fighting drawing him forward. Shock waves rolled out as they exchanged hits, and the ground rumbled with the force. Pieces of plaster and rock flew through the air as bodies were slammed into the street.


Now this was a fight.


Luffy was on the ground, and there was a huge warrior towering above him …a warrior with a broadsword, a hunting kilt, and flame red hair. Zoro flicked the blood from his blades and returned the cursed sword to its sheath. It wouldn’t do to have it disobey him against someone like this. He recognised this man.


Luffy twisted his feet together and sent them stretching into the distance. Zoro paused to watch; he knew just what was coming… The feet reached their furthest point and skyrocketed back into the shock of bright hair. The pirate grunted as they hit and then grabbed Luffy’s foot and leaned down on the Captain’s throat even harder. He barely moved. Impressive. But then again, this was Black Blood.


Zoro elbowed a man who came too close and took a long look at this man. He was big, but he wasn’t that big. He had broad shoulders which he moved in a way that showed he used a sword. He was heavy on the ground so he’d have a lot of force, but not much speed. He’d be fun to fight, he looked nice and dangerous. He was a man who was skilled with body and blade; a man who pushed himself to the limit.


Luffy always got all the damn fun.


Zoro turned and scanned what was left of the brawl. There were still at least forty pirates screaming and kicking and shooting each other. He couldn’t see anyone who made his blood rush, though. It just wasn’t his day. Instead, he decided to go and find Sanji. If he couldn’t fuck him, then at least he could watch him fight. Zoro strolled back inside. He was hit in the head by a flying bottle when two men jumped on him together, but it didn’t delay him for long. Pretty soon he was lounging on the bar watching Sanji do his thing. The long lithe legs stretched out and annihilated everything they touched. His body bent beyond breaking point and further, his movements fluid but perfectly controlled. He was breathing heavy and his hair was plastered to his face. It looked like something had got him excited. Zoro remembered how he looked arched above him, hips bucking and hair flying as he came…


The swordsman was bought sharply back to reality by a second bottle hitting him in the head. This one was attached to someone though. It broke on impact and Zoro looked across the bar and grabbed the man who was wielding it by the collar. He yanked him forwards off his feet and drew him halfway over the counter.


“I’m busy.”


The man took out a whole row of top shelf when he went down. Zoro felt a bit guilty; what a waste of good booze. The numbers in the bar were going down steadily. Aside from the efforts of Robin, Usopp and Chopper - who had finally come out of hiding and was using his Heavy Point - there was also the huge damage that Luffy’s fight was dealing to the pub and the surrounding area.


Pieces of stone kept falling down and getting knocked out of the walls. Zoro would have found it amusing if it wasn’t for the memory of Sanji moaning hot sweet breaths in his ears. No pub meant no sex. Damn Luffy… He looked back to see what lover-boy was up to. He was hard up against the wall with a knife pressed against his throat. There was a tall dark woman on the end of the knife. She pushed the tip down ever so slightly and a tiny line of crimson ran into Sanji’s collar.


Zoro was behind her before he even knew he’d moved.


“Hey, bitch” he heard himself say, “you hurt him and I’ll make sure you regret it ‘till your dying breath.”


Zoro’s voice was low and level. Sanji heard the force behind it and it made his skin crawl. He was scared for the lady; he hadn’t hit her because she was a woman. Heck, she was cute in a barbaric sort of way… but it really sounded like Zoro meant it. On the other hand, she should be grateful. It seemed like she wouldn’t have long to regret it at all…


The woman jumped and the tip of the blade hovered away from Sanji’s pale throat for just a second. Zoro’s hands swept from hip to shoulder. He drew Wadou and drove the hilt into her jaw. He dropped his knees at the same time, slamming her with his shoulder and sending her spinning in a giddy pirouette. She lashed out with the knife as she fell, taking a long swipe up Zoro’s arm and drawing blood. He went to jump after her but a long slender hand on his shoulder stopped him.


“Leave her alone,” Sanji wiped the blood from his throat “she’s not going to hurt me.”


The swordsman collected a stray man in a multicoloured shirt with the back of his blade and turned his back on Sanji to hurl the offensively bright pirate back into the brawl.


“I’m not worried about you getting hurt, idiot” Zoro said.


Sanji raised a quizzical curly eyebrow. “What, you were just fighting and you got lost?” he scoffed.


Zoro picked up another man and raised his fist up to send him back into the floor. He still didn’t face the cook. “I’m just not going to let anyone else get the pleasure of beating you up. Don’t get so full of yourself” he said.


“You want to protect me!” Sanji laughed.


Zoro didn’t want to protect Sanji. He knew he didn’t need it. He didn’t even know why he was there. He just was. When he saw the blood, his body just moved on its own. He didn’t want to protect him at all …but he did want to kill the people who had challenged him. How dare they think they were even worthy to soil Sanji’s shoes with their blood?!


“No I damn well don’t shitty-cook!” Zoro dropped the pirate he held suspended in the air with a thump and rounded on Sanji. He twisted the blade in his hand and jammed the blunt side up under the cook's chin, nearly lifting him off the ground.


He burned his black glare into those clear blue eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes.


“Fuck you” he said, letting his arm drop. He elbowed a pirate stumbling by in the head, knocking him out, and then sheathed his katana. He didn’t know what he wanted. He didn’t know what else to say.


Sanji huffed and straightened his collar. He marched pointedly past Zoro without so much as a glance and went to help Nami clear out the last few stragglers. He saw Zoro slump against the wall out of the corner of his eyes. Violent bastard was sulking. Honestly.


He smirked to himself just a little. Idiot marimo had wanted to protect him. If he hadn’t stopped him, he would have taken that woman’s head right off. He called back over his shoulder, just loud enough for Zoro to hear,


“You know I will.”


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Sanji and Nami took care of the last of the pirates who were still in a fighting mood and then went to meet Robin outside. She was sitting watching Luffy fight the big red headed man in the skirt. They were still at it. Half the buildings that faced on to the street had copped some kind of damage. Luffy was bleeding a lot more than he should be and his opponent clearly had a broken leg. Bone was protruding out the side of his knee. Made Sanji wince just looking at it.


Zoro joined them and sat down with a thump. Usopp and Chopper were close behind.


“Flamehair-san is quite a fighter” Robin observed.


“That’s Black Blood. He’s one of the guys I had on my list to take down. Could never find the bastard” Zoro said. He undid his bandana and returned it to his arm. No point keeping it on. It was always over too soon.


“Really? He has quite a big bounty doesn’t he?” asked Nami, her eyes lit up with berri signs.


“I guess so” Zoro replied. No way was he admitting the bastard was worth more than him. He could have dealt with him easy if Luffy hadn’t gotten there first.


Usopp quivered and pointed a trembling finger at the battling pair. “G-g-g-guys… I think we should get out of here…” Zoro followed the quivering digit. Luffy was clinging to a large piece of stone facing his opponent. He had twined his legs together and extended them out, wrapping them around a boathouse on the other side of the street. Zoro took a second to work out that he was going to do. But only a second.


He leapt to his feet and swept Chopper out of the way as Luffy let out his battle cry. Luffy’s body stayed where it was as his legs contracted. The boathouse lifted up - cracking and creaking as it was ripped from the ground - and arched like a pendulum above them. Hands reached out of the wall behind them and shoved Nami, Sanji and Usopp towards the road as the sky went dark above them.


A wall of stone swung over their heads and slammed down onto the pub. With an almighty roar, the boathouse sheared through the front of the building and walls crumbled and fell. Stone plummeted and the second floor of the pub collapsed. A great low rumble spread from the sky above them to their feet as the stone rained down. The last thing Zoro saw was a proud red face and flame orange hair being hit with a blow that cracked the road right open, and blew the roof off every house up and down the street.


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“So what do we do now?” Asked Usopp, rubbing the sizeable lump on his head.


“Find another hotel, marksman-san” Robin replied, practical as always. Sanji surveyed the damage. At least two thirds of the two story building had been demolished. He hoped that Luffy hadn’t started it. It looked pretty expensive… he glanced at Nami. She wouldn’t be happy if they had to fork out for repairs. Not happy at all.


She was sitting on a particularly large piece of masonry and staring at the deep crack in the pavement. Her face clearly reflected her state of mind; she wasn’t happy. Far from it.


“Don’t be sad my cherry blossom! I will fight for you night and day until your savings are replenished, no obstacle will stand in my way my sweet Mellorine!” he fluttered.


“That’s just it.” Nami said, still staring at the pavement.


“What is, my sweet?”


“We don’t have any savings. We’re broke. We spent the last of it booking the rooms in this pub.” She gestured limply at the sagging rubble. As if in reply, a section of the upper floor which had been clinging to the last solid wall finally gave way and deposited a large bed onto the road. Probably the one that Sanji had booked for himself and Zoro. He’d got the ladies a room in a nice hotel, so they’d be fine. The rest of them didn’t need a nice bed; they could just go back to the ship, but… but…


Damn it.


Sanji looked at Zoro, who looked at the bed and then back at the cook. The swordsman took a determined stride forward and smashed Luffy in the back of the head with a closed fist. The rubber-boy crunched into the street with a thud, sending even more dust swirling into the air.


“Awww Zoro… Whaaaaat?” whined the Captain.


Nami looked down into his wide naïve eyes as if she had been beaten to the blow and sighed. Sanji felt a familiar irrepressible urge to coddle her and make everything ok.


“Don’t worry, there has to be ways for a talented bunch like us to make some money in a busy place like this.” He gestured widely, taking in the empty street, the now-abandoned shops, and the heap of rubble. Maybe she had a point.


Nami’s eyes travelled over the damage. The pub. The huge crack in the pavement. The bodies. Lastly they came to rest on the humongous flame haired corpse taking up half the street. That guy really had been something. Suddenly her eyes lit up. It was a look that made Sanji’s heart beat faster. Anticipation, admiration, and fear all played a part.


“We CAN make money… we just did!” her eyes sparkled.


“What do you mean?” Luffy asked, bewildered.


Nami turned on Zoro, “You said that guy had a bounty right?”


“Right…” said Zoro, looking very uncertain indeed.


“Well, let’s go and collect it! He’s dead isn’t he?” Everyone turned to face her as the implications of her words sunk in. Everyone except Luffy that is, who had gotten up and started rummaging through the rubble for only-Kami-knows-what.


A hand lifted up out of the debris and started to slap the great Black Blood in the face.


“Hmmm. He certainly looks dead” Robin said flatly. Chopper went over and knelt down beside the man and placed his hoof on his throat.


“He’s not dead, but he needs serious medical treatment. I’ll just get my bag” the dedicated Doctor scuttled off into the rubble. Sanji watched Nami with bated breath. She wasn’t seriously going to suggest…


“The next island has a marine base! We have to go there anyway to set the log for the next island, why don’t we take him in and collect the bounty?!” She smiled triumphantly.


“Oh no no no!” said Usopp “I think I can feel the onset of my deadly I-must-not-go-into-that-marine-base-to-collect-the-bounty disease!” His knees knocked together ever so slightly.


Luffy exclaimed happily from the stone and pulled the remains of the roast he had been eating before the fight out of the dust. He wiped it on his vest and then proceeded to eat it with great gusto. Sanji had to turn away. That man didn’t need a chef, he needed a dumpster. But hey, at least he was enthusiastic.


Robin took it upon herself to point out the fatal flaw in Nami’s plan. “Surely the marines would wish to collect our bounties if we did them the - not inconsiderable - favour of walking into their base?”


Nami would not be dissuaded.


“We don’t need to go in; Zoro can go!” she beamed at the swordsman who shrank visibly. Sanji smiled. Zoro always got the shitty jobs. “He can go in disguise! It’s perfect.”


Zoro opened his mouth, looking like he was going to dispute that claim, but Nami shot him a look that would rust steel and he closed it again. At least he knew when it was pointless to argue.


“So what do we do now?” Usopp asked again.


“Well, we go and get some sleep and then tomorrow we head off to collect the bounty” Nami said, stretching her legs out and getting up. She surveyed the street; it was quite empty of people. No-one had even come to check out the damage, everyone had just moved on to the next pub.


Must be a rough town.


“What about us?” Chopper asked in a tiny voice.


“You go back to the ship” Nami said, making it very clear that they had no choice in the matter. “Zoro, take our bounty back to the ship. Chopper, make sure he doesn’t wake up; and YOU don’t do anything stupid!” She directed this parting barb at the Captain who chewed noisily and beamed up at her like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth.


Back to the ship? Leave tomorrow? But... but... Sanji looked at Zoro. He was scowling fiercely at Luffy and Nami in turns. The vein on his forehead bulged as he struggled to suppress his anger. He looked so cute.


Damn it again.


“Are you alright, swordsman-san?” Robin asked. Her unreadable expression could have been concern, curiosity, or mirth.


Zoro just scowled, hoisted Black Blood over his shoulder, and marched off towards the ship. Robin raised an eyebrow at Sanji who shrugged, non-committal. She smiled elusively and then followed Nami’s retreating figure.


“Come on then,” the cook said, affectionately scrubbing their Doctor’s fuzzy head. “Let’s get back to the ship and I’ll make some supper.”


Luffy inserted the remains of the roast into his mouth and pulled out a clean bone which he threw over his shoulder. It hit the corner of the last standing wall of the pub and the hairline fracture running along it became a noticeable crack.


“Let’s go!!!” he cried, full of enthusiasm. He pelted past Sanji singing a song about eating inky octopus. Usopp picked up Chopper and put him on his shoulders and they walked off.


Sanji turned and looked at the building where he had planned to spend a night buried in Zoro’s ass. He sighed.


Fuck it.


It was going to happen anyway, so he might as well have some meagre satisfaction tonight.


He walked up to the wall and knocked out a single stone block with a well aimed kick. He lit his cigarette and turned back towards the dock, smiling as he heard the unmistakeable noise of stone on stone as the pub finished its untimely demolition.

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