Not An Angel

AN: Not as long as I would have liked...... (*everyone looks at length* are you insane?!) But I think you will like the songs for this chapter, these were the main ones on my playlist as I wrote it. :)

And this was a b*itch to edit...... just to let everyone know...... (and there are probably still errors..... sorry)

Oh yeah.... there may be material in this chapter that people are not comfortable with, a forewarning.

Suggested Listening: Rescue by KAT-TUN (I wrote the beginning using this :) Misfit by Lesley Roy; Touching and Kissing by Bizarre (I wrote something with this song on repeat); DoThis Anymore by Nickelback; Erase and Replace by Cinema Bizarre

Chapter 6: Only Scars

~Mello~

I didn't care about the door that slammed behind me. I didn't care that I should be showing the data to Matt... I didn't care.

I was pissed. If he wanted to ignore me then fine. “Have fun on your own then.” I snarled as I mounted the motorcycle. I carelessly shoved on my helmet and sped off with no real destination in mind.

I was halfway to my old apartment before deciding where I needed to go. I did a quick u-turn without looking around and stepped on the gas to avoid getting into an accident. My heart pounded in my chest, adrenaline flowed through my veins.

I needed to calm down, focus on nothing but the driving. If I didn't, then I wouldn't have to worry about saving Matt....I wouldn't have to worry at all.

My eyes hardened the closer I got to my destination and by the time I was walking down that hallway I was completely stone. I had to play this correctly; otherwise I would lose a very important source.

“Ah, Mike. I don't suppose I need to ask why you are here.” Takahashi said as he gazed up from his overstuffed chair.

“No. You probably have it all worked out. Nevertheless, it's about the incident earlier today.” instead of my usual careless display, I sat attentively in front of the older man. “You upset a rather temperamental customer today; any reason to this?”

I grit my teeth. Oh yes I had a damn good reason. “He tried to initiate something after our transaction had ended. I'm sure you know the one, as you had Amanda set it up. I told him to back off, he didn't.” granted I hadn't said that exactly, but it was most certainly implied.

“So you pulled a gun on him?” I nodded. No point in trying to deny something that he already knew as fact. “And you didn't shoot him? I must say I’m a little surprised.”

“I might have if my friend hadn't come in then.” Takahsahi eyed me for a minute before nodding. “Alright, I’ll let you off this time since you weren't the one to start the trouble, even he admitted as much. Originally he wanted you as payment for the trouble caused...”

I narrowed my eyes but remained silent.

“However I have decided to keep the two of you apart, I get the sense that you won't be so kind to him in the future.” at this I snorted. In short, he knew I would shoot the bastard if he so much as looked me the wrong way again, never mind touch me.

Though that may be bit of an exaggeration on my part now; but Takahashi didn't know about my promises, broken or otherwise.

“But in return I want you to entertain two foreign customers tomorrow night. I have a rather large deal going on with them and told them I would find someone suitable to their tastes.”

I bit back a sigh of frustration.

“I will only dothis if you can get me more information on a group called, creatively enough, The Organization. I need everything that can be found on them, and I will need it within the next week.” those were the terms I set, and I would not bow unless they were met. I still had some pride left.

Takahashi seemed to be weighing his options. I knew that even with his extensive connections, he would be hard pressed to find the right person willing to entertain two men at once; that would help me immensely. I was no stranger to multiple partners during sex; however those days were long passed. To do this...

“Alright Mike, you have a deal. But only because I have a feeling this request of yours has to do with the Detective Purge. It's rather bad for business if I lose my clientele to murder.”

Standing up, I bowed. “Thank you.”

“I will send the details to your e-mail.” I said nothing and started out of the room. “Mike, I have always rather enjoyed your company. Try to stay out of trouble.” Takahashi called to me. I waved a hand but continued on my way.

Before I realized it my hand had strayed to my rosary; I would need to leave this at home tomorrow.

I checked the time. It was still too early to go home; I hadn't been out long enough to have gotten rid of my anger. Just because I was pissed off at Matt didn't mean I wanted to take it out on him.

Closing my eyes and rubbing my face I exhaled.

I needed to see if Jasper still had a spare pair of my clothes, I would need to shower once my 'entertaining' was done. I shivered at the thought but forced everything to the back of my mind. I would end up going crazy if I kept going over it again and again.

My somewhat calm mood was instantly destroyed the moment I walked into Jasper’s place.

“I have to go. Some trash just walked in.” Jasper had that look on his face; this was not going to be a pleasant visit. “I just got off the phone with Matt.” That would explain the look.

“Weren’t you supposed to be talking to him? And what’s this about you just leaving the data for him to look at; you sounded excited earlier so I find it hard that you would suddenly not care.”

“I was going to talk to him until he decided to ignore me! He’s smart; he can look at the data all by himself.” I snapped.

“So you decided to storm out like a spoiled child?” Jasper snorted and rolled his eyes.

“Since when the fuck do you give a shit about what goes on in my personal life, you are just a contact, someone for me to use.”

“Since you became a friend you stupid bastard!” I stumbled back as his fist crashed against my face. Landing against the door I stayed there wide eyed knowing I had crossed a line I shouldn’t have.

“I think he is beginning to figure thins out.” He began slowly. “Maybe not what you are doing, but that there is at something going on with you.” He leaned against an arm chair and stared at me. “You need to tell him.”

“You know I can’t.”

“Why? Just so he isn’t worried about his own life, like he should be?”

“Exactly, people make mistakes when they are worried or frightened.”

“Like you are?” my eyes narrowed at him. “You need to tell him his life is in danger! Stop trying to do everything on your own, you're doing nothing but destroying what you have left!” he shouted at me.

“I won’t tell him.”

“Then I refuse to help you anymore.” I bit the inside of my cheek so I couldn’t say anything else stupid.

“So be it.” I stood, took one last look at Jasper and walked out the door. I didn’t bother to shut it; if he wanted it closed he could damn well do it himself.

I got as far as the stairwell before punching the wall. “Fuck!” Too many things were going wrong too fast. Of all the times for me to act like this… right when I would need his help the most. This was exactly why I could, no should, never be L. I couldn’t even be Mello.

While I wanted to stay out a little longer I didn’t have anywhere to go… I didn’t bother with my helmet this time; I didn’t think it mattered really. If I got into an accident I doubted very much a helmet would help if I got run over.

Lips crashed onto mine the moment I walked in the door and if I hadn’t known it was Matt I might have pulled out my gun. “I’m sorry.” He said against me. I suddenly felt like I had no strength, I slumped into his arms.

“I started it.” I sighed. And I had, really. Matt looked down at me, searching, but for what I wasn’t sure. “Where were you?” he asked.

“At Jasper’s. We got into a bit of a fight though.” I laughed, well if that wasn’t a huge understatement…

“About what?” I couldn’t help it, my body tensed. “Mello?”

“It was nothing, please drop it.” I really didn’t want to get into another fight with Matt, not now. But I sure as hell couldn’t tell him what the fight was about; I shouldn’t have even brought it up.

“Mello.” I shuddered. He could usually get me with that tone, but not today. “No. Leave it.”

He tilted my head and stared at me, like he was looking into my soul. “Fine.” He said but his voice was void of emotion. I didn’t know what his thoughts were, but I knew I had fucked up again.

All these secrets… were killing us.

His pulled his arms away and I felt a strong urge to just spill everything to him, everything. We were falling apart at the seams because of me but I couldn’t…

“Please…” he stopped moving away from me and turned. I hunched foreword a little, like a puppet whose strings had been cut. I was so tired of all the fighting. “I can’t tell you.”

“It’s fine. I understand.” I flinched; there was that tone again. “Don’t you have something you can’t even tell me?” I asked just above a whisper.

“No.” his response was immediate and my hands clenched. He meant it, he would tell me everything if I asked but I… wouldn’t.

I thought about walking right back out that door and finding somewhere else to stay for the night. If I did that though, things would forever be changed. And not in a good way. I had already fucked so much up between us and I wasn’t going to do it again. Not now.

I leaned against the wall for support but slid down to the floor anyway. I didn’t bother looking at him. “Not tonight… just not now.” I felt so damn weak and I hated it. Hated feeling like everything was crumbling.

“Tonight just… stay.” I whispered.

I could see when he knelt down before me and I allowed him to hold me. I just needed to feel him at the moment, even just for this second. I wrapped my arms around him and sat there.

“My Mihael.” He whispered gently into my ear. I fought back my emotions because if I broke down now… then he would not stop until I had told him everything.

I wasn't sure how long we stayed like this, but once I got my emotions in check I wanted nothing to do with the hugging. He seemed to sense this for he pulled back with a sigh but kissed me before pulling me to my feet. I hadn't flinched that time.

“It's late, bed?”

Bed already? How long had we been here? I had gotten back around nine...

It really wasn't all that late, merely eleven, but I was emotionally drained. “Sleep sounds good.” I replied quietly. He nodded and I allowed him to pull me towards our room. “I'll let you have the bathroom first.” I smiled.

Gathering a change of clothes, because sleeping in leather was not advisable, I shut the door behind me as Matt began to change in our room. Now it wasn't that I was bothered by changing in front of him it was just something I had always done away from others. And habits are hard to break.

Stripping naked I looked at myself in the mirror. Bruises and cuts littered my body. Feint impressions of teeth and faded marks from fingernails riddled my torso. Unconsciously I let my fingers trace each and every blemish across the mirrors cold surface.

My fingers clenched and dung into the mirror.

“Hurry up Mello its cold.” I quickly looked away from the mirror and changed. Looking at the product of sin wouldn't make it any less of a sin.

I was lucky the light was already off for I had neglected to bring a shirt in with me. I wasn't exactly known for wearing them to bed either...

He didn't try to hold me, he didn't even try to sleep close to me; and for that I was thankful. I laid awake for an undetermined amount of time thinking about the next evening before I eventually fell asleep.

Coffee?

Blinking the sleep from my eyes I peered out from under the covers to see Matt’s highly amused expression.

“I try and wake you for half an hour yet the moment you smell coffee you rouse yourself from a dead sleep. Amazing.” he shook his head with a laugh. I couldn't see what was so amusing at- nine am- seeing as he already knew my sleeping habits. Wait.

“It's already nine?” I groaned into the coffee but didn't move to sit up. I had slept around eight hours. Two hours more than usual. His side of the bed dipped and I opened my eyes again; he was sitting there looking at me with his impossibly green eyes.

Taking a sip of coffee I kept my expression neutral. What was all this about? There was work to be done and-

“Mello?” I cocked my head to the side. “What?”

“Stop thinking so much.” he leaned over and gave me a quick kiss before rolling off the bed and wandering out of the bedroom. His breath had tasted of mint and smoke. Both disgusting and comforting.

What was with all the sudden touches and kisses? But as I thought on it, it was mostly me that had shied away from contact. And yet it only took one night for me to allow it-

“Mello, stop overanalyzing everything. I made breakfast so get up already.” I blinked. Matt made me breakfast? Matt made breakfast.

I jumped out of bed; the coffee nearly sloshing over the sides of the cup. Carelessly throwing on clothes I hurried out into the kitchen. “Well that was quick.” Matt mumbled around a hot pocket breakfast thing.

“Oh thank god.” I sighed in relief as he eyed me bemusedly. Matt was, under no circumstances, allowed to make anything. Ever. Unless it was prepackaged and microwavable. Not after he tried to make a can of soup on the stove... lets just say the end result was not edible.

“Oh, you thought I cooked. Ha. Maybe I should say I made breakfast more often if it gets you out of bed this fast.” I scowled at him over the rim of the coffee mug. At least he knew better than to cook...

I grabbed a breakfast pocket off the dish and forced myself to take a bite. I hoped that with the coffee in my system, it would help settle my churning stomach. Or at least long enough that it wouldn't immediately look suspicious if I went to the bathroom...

“Mello, you awake enough yet?” I looked up from the food clutched in my fingers. I nodded.

“Then I want to go over the case and the stuff that Jasper got.” Jasper, that's right. The bastard abandoned me.

“Alright, let’s go.” I placed the breakfast pocket back on the plate, my coffee on the counter, and followed him from the kitchen. With any luck he wouldn't bug me about not eating....

His laptop was already open to the pictures of The Organization members. He had one in particular up, the one where the three of them were seated together. He said nothing and I watched as he pulled up anther photo almost identical to that one.

“This one here, he pointed to the second picture, was taken by a friend of mine at his work.” I stared at the picture for a long moment. “How long ago?” he turned to me and smiled. “Just after the last murder.” I exhaled sharply. Not long ago at all.

“We may just have something. For once...” with them so close it made me nervous. Why here? Why not spend time further away from the main area of murders? Did they do this with every area in which they killed? Sitting at a bar and laughing at how incredibly close they are to their prey...

Matt's arms wrapped around me and I was pulled onto his lap with an undignified squeak that only he could ever manage. He smiled brightly at me and I fought back an answering one.

“What are you doing?” I stared into his eyes curiously.

“Nothing, I just wanted to see if you would let me.” I rolled my eyes but was happy. It was almost back to normal, in a strange way. He held me tighter and I didn't pull away for a long while. These moments were just as important as the case...

At around six o'clock I snuck into the bathroom and hid a change of clothing behind some towels before I headed for the kitchen. Matt was sitting at the table, his laptop on the table, and was brewing a pot of coffee.

“I'm going to see Jasper, I’ll be back in a few hours.” when he didn't look up I rolled my eyes at his headphones. I grabbed my coat and threw it on. Waving a hand in front of his face he was startled.

I smirked as he took off his headphones. “I'm going to Jasper’s. I'll see you later.” he pulled me in for a kiss but I only let his lips touch my cheek before I pulled away.

I almost forgot my cell phone in my haste to leave. The longer I stayed, the harder it would be for me tonight.

I pulled up the directions on my phone and memorized them before heading out.

The hotel room was nice, rather large and too expensive for my tastes, but then again it wasn't mine. The walls were a soft blue with the carpet a cream color. All the furniture was made of a mahogany type of wood but the coverings were plain white with no decorative patterns.

White was for purity. I snorted. How ironic.

“So you must be Mike? Funny you don't look like a Mike.” a heavy German accent greeted me from the left. The man before me was younger than I had expected, usually they were older. I shuddered.

He was tall with well toned muscles; black hair and blue eyes, and wearing nothing but a towel. The door opened and shut behind me and a hand ran down the length of my back; I forced myself not to recoil.

“Taka sure picked an interesting one. The scar suits him well, dangerous but exotic.”

The other man nodded in agreement before loosing his towel. He raised an eyebrow when I didn't look at him; I seemed to be amusing him. In truth I had no reason to look, I didn't care. Rough hands began to unzip my jacket. “Shall we?”

Once devoid of clothing I was led to the bed and pushed onto it. The man above me was the one who had come late. He had very sharp features; light blond, almost platinum blond, hair and sky blue eyes.

“As much as I would love to take you right here, you have both of us to pleasure.” he moved further over on the bed. “On your knees.” the dark haired one called softly; he stood in front of the bed already fully erect.

I did as I was told, because in no way had that been a suggestion. The blondes hands travled across my back and headed downwards. I could remember much gentler ones doing the same what seemed like so long ago...

I refused to breakdown; I couldn't afford to do so. The information I would gain from this... I flinched at the hardness that pressed near my mouth. .... It was worth it, right?

Hands roughly pulled at my hair and the hard length was shoved eagerly into my mouth while fingers prodded my entrance. It was worth it. Grabbing hold of the length with one hand I pulled my mouth back before slowly sucking on the tip; the man groaned and his hands tightened in my hair; I could feel strands coming lose. Swirling my tongue I let it dip into the slit making the man buck into me. It had to be worth it.

Cold fingers wrapped around my hips and the other guy pushed inside me roughly. Forcing myself not bite down in pain I continued my ministrations to the cock in my mouth. Nails dug into me and the bruising pace was set.

I sucked harshly and began to bob my head in time with the manic thrusts. A calloused hand slid along my back and across my side stopping at my stomach. I groaned and the man I was sucking off moaned harshly.

My breath hitched as something was hit that sent a jolt of pleasure ripping through me. I shut my eyes and willed away any thoughts of pleasure, I had never enjoyed this before and I would be damned if I started to now.

With one final suck sperm filled my mouth and I was forced to swallow it or choke.

With a soft pop the man slid from my mouth and I was free to grit my teeth as I was forced foreword into the bed by the hand at my neck. My face was held against the mattress and I thought it would almost be amusing if I somehow suffocated from this.

With the new angle his thrusts went deeper and the pace became quicker. I let my mind wander as my body was abused. It led me straight to red hair and green eyes making me choke back a cry of agony. He would never want me after all of this. But if he lived then... then it was, ok?

Warm fluid filled me as the man above me rode out his orgasm; his nails ripped at the flesh of my hips and I knew there would be marks left. "Fuck." the man stated. His breaths were harsh and he waited a moment before pulling out.

He moved away and I was allowed to sit up.“Don't think you are done just yet, Karl may be through with you but I’m not.”

I hadn't expected him to be, not with just a blow job. With complete disregard for me he pushed me roughly backwards and I winced as my head slammed against the headboard. This wasn't going to be fun.

“Taka says you are the best, that you never lose your cool. But I wonder what you would sound like if you did, hmm?” my eyes narrowed defiantly at him and he laughed. Takahashi had better get me damn good information for this.

His hand ran gently up my side with deceptively soft touches. The moment he reached my face I was backhanded. I didn't make a sound, but if this kept up it would be very hard to hide the bruises from Matt.

He used my momentary distraction to yank me further down the bed and grabbed at my legs. He threw a leg over his shoulder and entered me with one smooth movement. I tried to keep the discomfort off my face but he must have seen it anyway for he smirked. “You are good at hiding your expressions.” he commented with a grunt.

I would not show him how much this hurt. I refused!

I shut my eyes as he drew his nails down my shoulder, I was sure he was leaving angry red marks. They stung as his tongue ran over them and his teeth brushed across.

I tried to occupy my thoughts with other things but he wouldn't let me. “Pay attention.” his tone was dark and at a sudden change in position I was in pain. Blood fell from my lips as I forced myself to keep silent.

His free hand went to my hair and he grabbed a chunk before wrenching it backwards. I hissed as he laughed. Kisses were delivered to my neck and jaw; teeth teased and bit at the sensitive flesh but I refused to react.

Finally tiring of be gentle, if he could be called that, he finished with such force tears stung my eyes.

“I thought for sure I could make you scream. Every other tough one has.” he shrugged a shoulder and I didn't even want to think of how close I had been...

“Here's something extra. I was told you liked it.” a brown bar with a green band was tossed at me. I swallowed sharply and forced myself to smirk and tear open the wrapper. Taking a bite with a loud snap I realized with horror that I would probably never want chocolate again after this.

From the packaging it was very fine and expensive chocolate; it tasted like ash to me. Sliding off the bed despite my bodies’ protests I quickly replaced my leather. I raised a hand in goodbye; neither seemed the type to care if I left now or not and it was proven when I was met with no response.

My hands clutched at the steering much harder than needed and I didn't have to check the time to know that it was late. Hopefully not too late.

The main light was off when I walked inside and closed the door softly behind me. I checked around for Matt but all was silent save for the faint sounds of clicking coming from the bedroom.

He must have moved his laptop to the bed, I mused.

Creeping into the bathroom I prayed that Matt hadn't found my hidden clothing. Shutting the door I quickly stripped out of my soiled clothes and turned the water onto hot. I bit my abused lip to quiet a pained hiss.

Carefully washing my body I tried my best to ignore the forming bruises. When I was finally satisfied I moved onto my hair but I didn't expect soft hands to gently rub at my scalp.

My heart jumped to my throat. “M-matt!” he gave a small laugh. “Sorry I startled you.” he kissed my neck in apology as I was still facing away.

Oh god.

His hand traveled across my chest and I winced in pain as he touched a forming bruise. “Mel?” his voice was worried. His body tensed moments later. Please don't let him have seen-

“Mello. Out now, we need to talk.” I shook silently as he moved away, stepping from the shower and leaving the room without even a towel.

Without further prompting I turned the shower off and quickly dried myself, dressed, and walked barefoot to the bedroom where I saw a flash of red hair.

“Matt...?” I asked hesitantly.

"Mello you promised me you would never do this again!" he yelled, his voice full of anguish.

My throat constricted and I hung my head. Matt didn’t know his life was on the line, and maybe he shouldn't know. But if I didn’t tell him, could our relationship survive? I didn’t think I could take it if Matt left me.

“I know I did.” my fingernails dug into my palms.

“Why? Why would you- just why?” he was looking at me now, I could feel his gaze.

"I can't answer that." I whispered without looking at him. I heard his sharp intake of breath and winced. I was hurting him just to save him. It almost didn't seem worth it.

"Get out; leave until you can give me an answer. Don’t come back until then." I looked up sharply, Matt's eyes were glossy but he didn't shed a single tear. My heart clenched painfully but I couldn't tell him. We were so close to figuring out this mess and I knew he would split his attention too much if he knew he was next on the list; he would do needlessly stupid things.

So I did the only thing I could do. I complied with his demands. I left.

I packed my laptop and a few changes of clothes and left.

I drove to my favorite coffee shop back near where I used to live. My mind was blank. My emotions were numb. And somewhere in the back of my mind I knew this couldn't end well. I would have to call Jasper in a few hours to make sure that Matt was watched since I couldn't be seen near him or he would get suspicious.

Matt wouldn't think that Jasper had known. Or maybe he would. I didn't know anymore. My hands trembled around the coffee cup and I was thankful for the lid.

This case needed to get solved, and soon. If it didn't...I wasn't sure how much more Matt or I could take.

-End Chapter 6-

AN: so how was this for a chapter? I bet you all though I would drag this part out till the end huh? Oh no no no no no, I have BIG plans. Heheheh.