Deal! Fortune!...in bed.

The Anime series "Shuffle" is brought to us by Funimation, not me. I do not profit financially from this. The line between dirty and filthy is clear but the line between dirty and merely naughty always seems dotted. Cold water reviews welcome.

[Title:] Deal! Fortune! The boy who could become either a god or a devil…in bed.

[Side Note:] See ‘On Shuffle.’

Chapter 7: Good cop. Bad cop. Feel.
---

"So. Which one of you boys is gonna gimmie your panties?"

Had Mayumi already buttoned her blouse while Itsuki and Rin were still trying to re-pants themselves? While they were trying not to look at themselves, their selves, or especially each other? Her arms were crossed with way too much confidence to be holding up her modesty at the same time.

The two young men zipped up and answered 'What' in a kind of un-unison, an echo spun into cotton candy and stuffed inside the walls. They obviously didn't expect her to repeat herself, and even if it were a question, it wasn't even a 'why me' so much as a dull 'now what' on Rin's part and a dim 'what now' on Itsuki's.

"Mine are a mess, as you might have noticed, and I can’t very well wear them home."

She was Mayumi again, sarcastic half-grin, knuckles on her hips (she hadn’t quite buttoned all they way up yet), talking down to them like she was babysitting their finger-painting party.

Finger-painting. Rin didn't think of this analogy, and just slouched, dumbfounded. Itsuki, however, thought of precisely this analogy and managed half a slack-jawed grin. Mayumi just closed her eyes and smiled with a tiny, not quite exasperated sigh.

"Think of it as your last act of chivalry for the day. You both helped the beautiful maiden in her time of need, and teamwork is great, but one of you get’s to be a real hero."

Itsuki looked at Rin, Rin looked at Itsuki, Itsuki looked at Mayumi, Rin looked at Itsuki, Itsuki looked back at Rin and held up the universal gesture for Rock-scissor-paper.

"You're an idiot."

Itsuki was only paying attention to his fist and whether they'd have to play the best two out of three. He didn't get how well this analogy suited their situation, but Rin did. While Itsuki started counting down, Rin tried to imagine which one of them was paper, then smacked himself in the forehead.

"Oh for-" Mayumi rolled her eyes.

"Are we keeping our honor by keeping our underwear on, or taking it off?"

Rin mumbled it under his breath and into his palm. Mayumi took no notice.

"I'll make it easy for you two: which one is tightey whitey and which is boxy baggy?"

"Couldn't you tell?"

Rin had asked in a purely frank, if snide manner, but this very casualness brought it all back to them. Their faces became very warm and very hard to look at.

"That is-I mean…it was-" Rin began.

"Awesome."

Mayumi's knights turned very intently at the knave become a queen. She was blushing brightly, but grinning brighter.

"You two were…wonderful."

Rin's throat dried up at the edge of his mind, now a whirlpool of recent memory. Itsuki placed a steady hand on his shoulder; his second thought was to shy away, but his first action was an exhale that felt like a smile.

"Here, Mayumi," Rin mumbled to his belt, "you can have mine. They're…"

Rin was about to say 'fresh out of the laundry' but recalled his mad hamper scavenge that morning and realized a stupid detail to add would be even worse if it were a lie.

"So are you taking the blame or taking the credit, Tsuchimi?" Itsuki chuckled, slapping Rin on the back.

They laughed, together, louder and louder. The sun still felt warm. Rin's friends were still great.

"Trust me on this one, okay?"

As he returned to his pants, Rin felt his warmth turning muggy. His sense of preparedness was clouded and, he feared, misted, by memories of Sia's attic floor (ceiling top?) show.

Itsuki and Mayumi were generally good-humored, but he'd never heard them break so quickly from cackling to howling.

"You-you! B-Box-" Itsuki struggled.

"Briefs UNDER your boxers? HA! That explains so much, Rin!"

They were laughing that the extra layer was there, but only that it was there. Rin was annoyed and humiliated a few layers beneath his relief that Sia's magic had dried him thoroughly.

Itsuki's laughter took a nosedive as Mayumi began pulling down her panties. She hadn't been exaggerating; no one should have to squish home in those.

Rin's teeth clicked and Itsuki's throat made a wheezing hiccup when they saw that Mayumi was pulling her over-ripened peel toward their seeds.

Mayumi stopped pulling her panties down and stopped laughing.

Rin and Itsuki stared at the drizzles and droplets on her legs.

Mayumi chuckled to herself.

Rin and Itsuki let themselves breathe.

"Guess I might as well use the panties to wipe up your man-aise."

Rin curled his lip a little and looked at Itsuki. It struck him that Itsuki seemed sober, but still about to drool. Even Rin could tell that this brazenness, though entirely characteristic of Mayumi, now applied to her Lemon Star-struck self, was triggering something behind those nerd-perv glasses. It was possibly that one something that even people who want everything look for, that one-

Mayumi looked up into Rin's eyes, just to let him see her glance in Itsuki's direction.

And to let him know that she could read that direction better than a book.

"On second thought, I think I'm going to try something," Mayumi spoke softly to the ground.

She carefully slipped off her panties to make sure she only had one kind of wetness on them. She stumbled a bit and righted herself, but Itsuki still moved forward, arms out.

'The two of them,' Rin thought to himself, 'it would be so perfect it almost seems fake.'

'The two of us,' Itsuki thought to himself, 'it would be so perfect it almost seems fake.'

The two young men looked at each other with something less like 'did I say that out loud' than 'did she hear us.'

"I know I don't have to worry about you guys bragging about this."

Mayumi seemed about to add a second part to that statement, but simply looked down. Rin tried to read her expression. She still seemed way too confident, which was now a little more flattering that scary.

She removed her panties and slipped them into her purse with a proud little pat on the buckle, which was a little gross. In fact, this detail still stands out as the grossest part of the experience, the reason why is a mystery Rin knew he'd need too many pipe-smoking detectives and psychologists to solve.

"I'm not sure who owes who, but I know this will probably never happen again," Mayumi announced.

The idea of them, all three connected, in one way, and another and another, made Rin wonder in so many directions he couldn't hide the disappointed ones.

Mayumi continued just as he was about to say something genuine and reassuring to both of them, or at least something nice.

"I also know that my," she chewed her lip, "that that fantasy guy I told you about, would eventually move on, but that I'd stay with him, in his…in his mind, or whatever."

Rin watched her clasp her hands together, creating a box to keep all she said.

"He would use me, and I would stay with him. I'd have a hand in everything and everyone he touched even if he forgot what I felt like. He'd use me like a dream, but he'd remember me even if he didn't know it."

Of all the times for Rin and Itsuki to exchange the 'is she losing it' look, they picked the most too late one possible.

"Still, we might all forget this some day. We might forget everything about today by tomorrow."

Rin remembered how Sia had looked, how she had been. It was like Mayumi had also managed to brush up against some switch in herself that made her more than a person. He stopped looking at Itsuki and anything beyond the angel of light and the angle of her lowered face.

"Now though, for some reason, I think…I can do…something."

To this day Rin curses himself for not remembering which of her eyes glowed brighter, but it was definitely just one, shining like a searchlight as she spoke to both of them.

"I think I can do magic with this. Yeah. I can."

She bent and grabbed her legs. She pulled her hands upward with a deep breath. Itsuki, who would later be absolutely no help with the 'which color eye glowed' question, did agree with Rin on the details of what that happened next.

It didn't occur to them that she'd simply clean herself up, but that didn't qualify them as ready for anything. They watched her do whatever she was doing, certain only that she was gathering some of all of them into each hand. She had been shaping, transmutating it before pressing her palms into the exact spots where they'd left their hickies. Rin thought he felt the deep scratches on the back of his head tingling at that moment, Itsuki was sure he did, and later pointed out the freshly healed scars to Rin till he believed (or stopped disbelieving) they were there. For the most part this hypnotic bit of impromptu alchemy produced no sound, no smell, and no light save the one in her eye. Even that dissipated when she extended her hands toward them, holding a large marble in each palm. The marbles definitely were the exact respective shades of those hickies and definitely felt very warm when she dropped them into their hands.

Opinions differ on which one of them was more careful to catch it with both hands.

"They're wishes."

"What?" Itsuki breathed.

"What?" Rin almost asked why Itsuki was sounding like him.

"I don't think they'll bring peace on earth, but-"

Mayumi folded her arms and looked down shyly. Or coyly. Probably both, Rin thought.

"I think they can change something about you…or about me."

"Change something?" Rin asked.

"How do you know it'll work?" Itsuki looked at his marble anxiously.

"Ahem," Mayumi pointed at the sun as if Itsuki were on it and she'd been asked to point to an idiot.

"What, so I can wish for wings or something?" Rin had been speaking hypothetically, but the idea was fun to imagine, so was sex mid-flight.

Rin blinked a long cleansing blink.

"I don't know. Maybe it won't work at all in an hour, maybe it'll be able to do anything in a few years, just think of something now or take it home."

Mayumi pouted as much at herself as at the two of them.

"Anything?" Itsuki asked stupidly, but he looked straight at Mayumi when he did it.

This took her off guard for just a second, but she quickly looked away with excessive disinterest.

"Just try something already, I don't care. Make it so you don't need glasses, or give me bigger boobs. Anything."

The 'so you'll like me more' part of the second suggestion was so obviously a hidden subtext that even Rin saw it. He wondered for a second if Itsuki may have too, but Itsuki's reply made that question moot.

"You're perfect the way you are."

He sounded like Itsuki again, but also like Itsuki anew. Mayumi stared just as vacantly as he had for a second and stepped forward, pushing up the bridge of his glasses.

"And I think the glasses look…okay."

Rin smiled at them and, actually knowing the right Thing to Do before It did, stepped back, then away, then started walking without excusing himself.

---

MEANWHILE!

---

"I'd tell you guys to get a room, but they're probably all taken by now."

Sia definitely didn't quite have her perky waitress face on as she brought the two kings some lemonade.

"Probably, my dear," Eustoma agreed, still lounging against the Devil king and addressing his hair.

"Do we have any idea how wide the star's influence is?" Forbesii asked.

"Do we?" Eustoma asked back.

"No, I don't suppose we do." Forbesii answered himself.

"Seriously? All three worlds could be on the verge of collapsing and we wouldn't know." Sia sounded as uncomfortable with her sudden seriousness as the lack of it in the two kings.

"The only collapsing I hear is the good kind," Forbesii stretched a little and smiled.

"Humans are different, sweetheart. A warning would have made things worse. They'll be fine so long as they think they're alone."

Forbesii made an unamused noise.

"Oh come off it, M'boy, it might even lead to world peace."

"Or to me growing a pair of big, beautiful boobs. Real ones."

"Ugh," Sia curled her lip, "I thought my dad was supposed to be the embarrassing one."

The king of Devils looked up at the princess of Gods, but somehow made it seem like he was looking down.

"If the Gods are as polygamous as they enjoy reminding everyone, I might be something like your dad one day."

"Not if your daughter keeps herself locked in the house," Eustoma deflated Forbesii's airs.

The Devil king sat up, arms draped over his knees, and spoke very plainly.

"She hasn't locked herself in."

"What do you mean?"

Now Eustoma was sitting up, still ignoring Sia's warming lemonade and chilling expression.

"Nerine hasn't locked herself in, not precisely."

"I thought we agreed we wouldn't lie to Rin," Eustoma growled.

Forbesii stood up and straightened himself. Sia almost dropped the lemonade when she saw him cast a long, slow gaze over their house, over Rin's house, and into his own.

"It would be more accurate to say that she's locked me out."

---

!ELIHWNAEM

---

Rin didn't like being on this end of the chase.

It was one thing to evade his fan club, another to escape Kaede's, yet another to avoid Asa's teasing, and something like Hell to be chasing after the two large men chasing Asa as she tried to call for help through labored breath. The two large men panted…and chuckled.

It mostly just sounded like his own heavy breathing, but Rin knew what he was saying to himself:

I

*huff

knew it.

*huff

Nobody bothered to worry

*haa fuh

about what would happen when the star got over

*fffff

the

…

*heeeauf

perverts!

The word 'perverts' was not the one he was thinking of. He was thinking of a much worse, more unforgivable word. It was scary enough just to think about. It was impossible likewise to let himself wonder what he'd do when he closed the distance between them. He'd simply have to do something that could take down two guys almost twice his size.

Maybe he should just call for help. He had enough breath. He had better not crash into that pile of garbage when the chase suddenly turned a corner. He had better pick himself out of the hot stinking black garbage bags and run like he'd never run before.

The chase had turned them down a dead end ally. Rin caught up to them as Asa began shrinking smaller and smaller into a corner. Her pursuers stopped a couple meters away. Rin stopped a couple more away from them and yelled ‘stop’ like a plea as much as an order. They were not breathing as hard as he was, and they flexed as they turned toward him.

In Rin's mind he knew he couldn't take them both, but as he reached for the marble in his pocket he hoped that they'd think he could, but that a regular beating just wouldn't be enough for their worthless hides.

Any hope of intimidation deflated when Rin held the marble aloft and cried ‘HELP’! rather than roaring ‘STRENGTH’! or ‘POWER’! as he'd intended.

Now flat, it was time for that hope to be buried in a cat box as Mayumi, dressed in a sexy floral nighty-panty ensemble, fell from a flash of light and flattened Rin against the ground.

The only people who screamed in fear were the hero and his new sidekick.

"Jeez Rin! Already?"

Mayumi sat up and brushed herself off, her nearly bare behind nearly pinching Rin's nose.

"Wha…bu…Mayumi?"

Rin's breath was completely gone now, though it was obvious to everyone he wouldn't have known what to do with it.

His genie-angel-friend with benefits helped him up, tried to smile playfully, but failed to hide her embarrassment.

“I didn't think you'd want to see me again so soon. Itsuki and I had just started our date…I mean-”

She was blushing and hugging herself now, glancing back at him in rapid little peeks.

"Whoa-whoa, you didn't say anything about magic, sweetie."

"They don't have the ears though."

The thugs who had given Asa and Rin such a fright suddenly sounded a lot less dangerous and a lot more fabulous.

"Damn. Sorry boys, it looks like the jig is up."

Asa sighed a layer of disappointment over her own confusion.

"What. The. Hell!"

Rin stared at the predators and their prey, stared at his backup (who was staring at the predators and prey and starting to grin at the same realization that was making him grind his teeth), then stared directly at Mischief Incarnate staring back through Asa's eyes.

"Y-you-you staged this!?"

"Ooo we were scary, weren't we?"

The one on the right embraced the one on the left with triumphant glee.

Rin made an uncomfortable noise and a repulsed face.

"Who do you think you're fooling, Rin?" Mayumi slapped him on the back, not quite as hard as Asa could, but hard enough to make him choke on his uncomfortable noise.

"You were phenomenal, guys. Heroes, allow me to present villains Jiro and Koichi. They're friends with my mom."

"You two're so cute together."

Mayumi beamed at them. Rin gawked at Mayumi. Jiro gave Koichi a smile then gave Mayumi a look.

"Thanks…but who are you."

"Oh I'm sorry," Mayumi bowed, her tiny breasts visible for a tiny moment as the silky fabric hung forward, "my name is Mayumi Thyme, and I gave Rin a magic jewel to make a wish on, but I guess he wished for me."

"You what?" Asa asked with some mixture of emotions Rin was still too stunned to grasp.

"Um…yeah," she giggled, "I caught Rin and Itsuki about to experiment with each other and made them experiment on me instead."

Asa's eyes widened, but Rin's widened wider.

"Sooooo yeah, we didn't go all the way or anything but," Mayumi coughed into her hand and smoothed her hair "we had fun. I kinda got the best end of the deal so-and I guess this is because the magic in the world is weird today-so-so I just, sorta made wishing jewels for both of them."

"Wait a second-"

"Oh don't pretend, Rin, you and Itsuki "helped" each other as much as you "helped" me."

Asa tilted her head at Rin. Rin trembled.

"Rin here's actually got a pervy streak himself. He played director and everything way better than I expected."

Asa's eyes widened. Rin's jaw tried to escape his skull.

"Rin?" Asa gasped at him while Jiro and Koichi rolled their eyes and giggled.

"Sorry if I snatched his first from you, Sempai," Mayumi winked before adding with a mock scold, "but really, making Rin come to you with the damsel in distress routine?"

"Actually, the plan was to have these two go after Rin when he tried to save me, then I'd end up saving him."

Asa played with her fingers. Jiro and Koichi laughed excessively, leaning against each other. Rin scanned the ground for his mind, speaking in a monotone.

"Actually, you didn't get my first."

All eyes turned to Rin, all jaws fell toward whatever he might find on the ground.

"Kaede took over this morning, then Sia did a kind of dance, then-"

"WHAT!"

The four simultaneous bellows helped Rin put the snap in 'snap out of it,' cracking his spine and his teeth together like a whip.

"Nothing! It's all a misunderstanding!" Rin felt the first beads of sweat launched off his forehead as he turned his desperate expression from one person to the next. Asa had something besides disbelief on her face, so he settled there to set up a defensive front.

"And that's not important anyway! ASA?! What in the world were you thinking?"

Asa laughed and scratched the back of her head. Rin didn't buy it for a second.

"I'm serious! You could have given me a heart attack!"

"C'mon little Rin, you should know I run faster than that," Asa turned her nose up and away, "besides if you hadn't shown up I'm sure a real man would have."

"Ooooh hoho no-oh! I'm not falling for that. What about them, huh? They could have been shot by the police."

"Don't worry about us, Lancelot. We can take care of ourselves."

"And each other," Koichi added, slap-grabbing Jiro's rear.

Rin rolled his eyes upward and ground his teeth.

"Fine. Good for you two. Have a nice day."

"Oh we will," Jiro grinned at his partner, "race you to the park bathroom?"

You can't buy an exclamation mark, but the look on Rin's face was priceless.

"KIDDING!" Jiro laughed. "Eww. No his dad gives us plenty of space, he's so happy he doesn't have to worry about his son knocking up some high school slut."

"Are you talking about my mother?" Koichi looked shocked.

"At least you got that quality from her instead of her bony butt."

"I just hope you don't inherit your father's bald spot."

They shared shock with each other, then a simultaneous "Eww!" before walking away, laughing, happier and happier.

"I guess I better get going too, heh-heh." Mayumi smiled awkwardly and gestured in two and a half different directions.

Asa and Rin looked at her with nervous post-disbelief.

"Ok, I can do this, just…"

Mayumi took a deep breath, spread her arms, and disappeared in a flash of light. The nighty-panty combo she'd been wearing fluttered to the ground.

"Did she-" Rin began.

"-mean to do that?"

Asa finished for him, then approached Rin with a sly smile, hands behind her back. Looking at her, flushed and in sparse jogging gear, Rin forgot his anger.

"You would know better than me, wouldn't you?"

Rin blinked at the sharp tease in her voice and tried to recapture his angry face.

"And here I was ready to think it was crazy luck that you just happened to get chased passed me when I was heading to the library."

"I really didn't mean to scare you, Rin."

She might have half-meant it, somewhere underneath her coquettish body language.

"Do you have any idea how dangerous it is to be outside today, there's a-" Rin looked halfway up at the sky.

"You mean the Lemon star?"

"You knew?"

"Well kinda. My mom told me about it."

"How did your MOM know?"

Asa looked very uncomfortable for a second, then laughed and slugged him in the shoulder.

"How should I know, she said it should only affect the Gods and Devils anyway, and that they'd just feel really, really romantic today."

Rin hung his head and raked his fingers through his hair.

"You have no idea."

Asa lifted his face by his chin.

"Don't I?"

Curious was a very good look for her.

Asa half skipped to the end of the alleyway before turning around and speaking loudly to herself.

"You know, maybe Rin's right, maybe it would be dangerous for me to walk home alone."

Rin could hear her footsteps disappearing just fast enough for him to catch if he moved now.

The word 'dammit' was clear on each of his breaths.

---

MEANWHILE!

---

Forbesii was the king of the Devils, and he understood this better than he liked to discuss. A good subsection of this discussion he'd never have could be dedicated to his daughter. A good section of his soul could also be dedicated to his daughter. He knew that their relationship was affected by the sacrifice of her clone, that suggesting there was any way to make a father love his daughter any more was absurd. He knew that it would make for good songs, if he allowed them, but a line had to be drawn somewhere.

He never considered himself stern, especially not when it came to his daughter. She was too good for her own good, frankly, and he should be happy to see her asserting herself. It was a matter of course then that he should be able to see her.

Unfortunately he’d obviously made one knock too few, or too many, on the door of the home he'd built for her; Forbesii was the king of the Devils and knew how to count, even if he'd forgotten how to listen. A good subsection of the conversation he should be having with his daughter could be dedicated to all the times he'd told her she might surpass his magical power before she was ready. It was obvious whose fault it was if she'd never believed him.

It was obvious he would have to look for another way to reach something that mattered more than himself.

---

!ELIHWNEAM

---

Rin had never been so big in real life, but the TV had never made him feel so small.

Asa had turned on the porn shortly after inviting him in for tea. He'd taken a while to react with words and 'turn that off before your mom hears!' was the perfect answer because it let Asa casually mention that her mother wouldn't be back till the day after tomorrow.

"So is this what's it's really like, do you think?"

How even the ever-comic Asa managed to ask such a question as if it were an equation for a math test, Rin didn't know, and didn't care. He'd agreed to come in for tea because he wanted to talk to Asa. Seriously. That's all he'd wanted to do. Talk to her. Seriously. Rin wanted to talk to her seriously. For some reason he figured that as horrible as her prank was, at least it was designed to humiliate him, and humiliation couldn't be seduction because humiliation wasn't sexy. Unable to turn away from the large screen in the living room, Rin was ready to wonder if his body believed him. Instead, he wondered if anything was sexy anymore.

"Is this what it's like in real life?" Rin repeated her question, a dumb move even for a dead pan.

"Well it's not a cartoon we're watching, but I think you still know what I mean. Is this what happens?"

"I doubt it."

"Tsk, now Rin, don't be racist."

He turned toward her in step with his thoughts, in slow, blunt increments. Each crank of the gears in his neck added another piece to the question in his head.

Should I-be insulted-or relieved--that you're joking right now?

"What," in an even dumber deadpan, "is the matter with you?" was all he could manage.

Asa didn't answer. She wasn't even looking at him with that mischievous, teasing, flirting, Asa-ing expression he was totally expecting. Even though she was redder in the face than any mere 'blush' could describe, she looked serious, even somber.

"Nothing's the matter with me. I'm fine."

"Asa?"

"My mom told me about what might happen today, but the truth is she told me that anyone and everyone could be affected."

Rin's first thought was how awkward that must have been, but his first response was:

"But how did she know?"

Asa cleared her throat and Again Rin wondered if she were changing the subject without changing the classroom.

"When we first had 'the talk' she bought me some videos to show me what it was, what it was like, and how boys were probably going to think it was like."

Rin glanced back at the screen, then back at Asa, then almost down at himself he was retreating so quickly.

"I watched them all again this morning, but I didn't feel any different. I thought I was lucky."

Rin let himself imagine that he was lucky. Maybe everyone wasn't doomed.

Not everyone, he realized as Asa shrank into herself, her eyes on the act like it was a funeral procession. Not everyone, just his worth as a friend.

"But then I thought maybe there was something wrong with me."

If the ugly noises coming from the TV weren't jeering at him before, they certainly were now. His pants were becoming less tight by the second as his throat collapsed under the weight of wanting to comfort Asa with cement arms.

"Asa."

Saying someone's name that way was supposed to let them know you were opening your heart to them. Maybe Rin had said it wrong, given it a 'make me feel like a filthy fraud' rather than an "I'm here for you" inflection.

"I thought that if there was any guy who might be as turned off by this as I was, it would be Rin Tsuchimi," Asa remarked bitterly, “So I went looking for you.”

Rin snapped out of his pity two-way with a microscopic little gasp…

"Kaede said you were out," Asa continued.

…that got a little smaller…

"Sia told Jiro that you went to see Itsuki."

…then a lot bigger…then a lot smaller because it was just Jiro who had talked to Sia.

Asa turned then, to make sure she was looking at him when she asked:

"So what's the answer?"

But she also pointed (way too seriously, if not at all judgmentally) toward the TV to clarify that she was asking about what they were watching rather that what he’d been doing. Rin thanked heaven and hell for small favors.

"Is this what you want?"

Rin tried to look her in the eyes, but only half so hard as he tried not to look at her anywhere else, and only a quarter so hard as he tried not to look at the TV.

It was difficult to close your eyes to hide your fear, tiring even. Rin could honestly say that he was getting exhausted with hiding. Hand-picking the right answer was like trying to finish a late movie on a comfortable couch. It was a relief like he couldn't remember, then, as he stood up, without even straightening his shoulders, and excused himself.

"I've got to go to the bathroom."

The rudeness of passing this off as a 'please excuse me' hit him in the back of the head as if Asa had thrown a pie. She had thrown a stone not a pie, but Rin didn't realize that till he turned and tried to fight slapstick in kind.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything else in there, just…go to the bathroom."

Asa crushed the last bit of his self-respect in a kind of onetwothree combination, looking at him like he'd changed his face, turning away to stab the TV off with the remote, and hugging her legs with an unamused:

"Gross."

Rin could take direction, too. He made sure to not just act the part, but be the part of the shamed outcast with every step he took to a place that was too good even for him.

---

MEANWHILE!

---

Kaede was flushed with her usual eagerness to please as she brought tea and snacks out to her guests. The two kings and Sia sat across from Primula, looking at anything but Primula as she looked alternately from the windows to the TV Kaede had made her turn off.

"I'm sure Rin will be back soon."

"Thank you very much," Forbesii accepted his tea and her no-help with a friendly smile, "actually we were wondering if you'd seen my daughter today."

"We were?"

Sia and her father asked in unison even though they took their tea with opposite ratios of sugar.

"Oh? You mean Nerine?" Kaede asked the tiny tremble in her tea tray. The king of the Devils' friendly smile didn't move, but his tea lost its steam.

"That's her name. Though I doubt you, or anyone else for that matter, could forget what she looks like."

The Gods narrowed their eyes as Forbesii shared his smile and cooled their tea as well. This of course made Kaede even warmer in the cheeks and even more eager to please with any information she might have (that didn't involve anything that happened before breakfast).

"No, sir. I haven't seen her today, but Asa did stop by."

"Did she?"

"Yes, and she had two older men with her. They…they weren't old but they were probably out of college."

"They were holding hands," Primula mentioned casually to thin air.

"Uh. Um." Kaede looked from Primula to too many faces at once.

"How many people can one person love at the same time?"

This time Primula seemed to direct her question, like a spark, at the thickening air in the tea partier's throats.

Somewhere along the line Sia had stopped her teacup mid-tilt. Somewhere a little further along, probably near Primula's contribution, she'd stopped drinking. Tea spilled around her lips and onto her lap. Tea explored her father's nose. The lines that followed blurred between stains, ruined sandwiches, and failed attempts to help Primula support a fainting Kaede.

Forbesii managed to navigate through the storm toward a window, but the short distance he gazed through it, through it and into his own home, seemed even more obscured.

---

!ELIHWNAEM

---

Rin had seen people pull a 'get it together' routine out of a bathroom mirror in lots of movies. Of course, he had seen lots of things in lots of movies.

"What am I going to do?"

He hadn't seen himself look this tired in a long time. He was ready to see The Right Thing to Do appear as an imp on his shoulder, or even a pimple between his eyes. Maybe a worm under his skin?

Anything.

"I've got nothing."

Rin certainly had nothing to encourage him to be a good man in a bathroom that was way girlie, even for one shared by a mother and daughter. He could almost see the mango-vanilla vapors on his very clean and very useless hands.

"I've got to get out of here."

All Rin got was out into the hallway before he saw Asa blocking him. The ghostly hair hiding the eyes pose was scary enough when someone supernatural was doing it, but this was Asa, and her hair wasn't even long.

In the context of all he'd been through he should have been expecting it. In fact, he didn't even feel bad for assuming she was there to shepherd him to the bedroom. It made assuming he was right feel even worse, though.

"Do you want to undress me?"

It wasn't a joke, it wasn't even rhetorical, but it also wasn't quite an invitation. Rin couldn't figure it out, or the impossibly increased Fear it ignited, but he could pretend that he thought it was a joke.

He ha-ha’d and sidled past her, keeping his eyes toward the front door.

"Asa, I'm just going to go home and pretend this whole day never happened, okay?"

Even though he'd clearly seen that she was shaking like a person pretending to be freezing rather than a person pretending to be dead, Rin made it a few more steps before he was too tired of himself to move. When he stopped he let out a breath and accepted that he couldn’t do anything but answer.

"Yes."

It didn't feel like the Right Thing to Say. It didn't even sound like he meant it, even though he knew it was true. Hell, knowing it was true didn't make him feel he knew what was Right, or even just right.

"Do you want to touch me?"

"Yes."

There it was again. Rin didn't make himself turn around so much as make himself let himself turn around. It didn't feel right, nothing about today did. He was already getting aroused again. Nothing about anything he did today was right, but Now, and then Everything, felt True.

"Do you want me to s-" Asa tensed and lowered her head further, "to use my mouth?"

As he took one step-

"Yes."

-and another toward her, Rin felt like he was facing a punishment directly, even though he didn't feel brave.

Asa's hands had been tight at her sides, but now she raised the knuckles of both hands under her chin; whether she was trying to hold it down or pry it up, Rin didn't wonder because he was watching her forearms close in together.

"Do you want to…my-"

Half of him wasn't trying to comfort or settle her, it was only half, but it was the deeper half for being the bottom half. Half of him was warning her, and half of that felt like a growl.

"Asa…don’t."

"Yes or no, Rin!"

The immeasurable anger more than the measurable volume struck him, and was probably what made him strike back. He didn't ask himself, he just smacked himself, just over the eyes, but hard enough to tilt his head back.

"Yes! Okay? I want to take you against the wall right here and now! Is that what you want me to say?"

"I want you to tell the truth."

After that, Asa asked him another question. Years after that Rin would still refuse to repeat it. He'd only call it 'dirty.' Depending on the situation, though, he'd occasionally say it with a smile, sometimes even admit that he'd answered 'yes' so intensely that it shocked him.

"Why don't you?"

Rin looked at her then, her as a whole rather than wherever his eyes where. She was hugging herself tightly, now looking not just down, but off to the side.

"Because, Asa, it-"

"I know it'll hurt. I don't care."

She tried to look at him then, her eyes darting about, but she closed her eyes before she raised her head. This was what a girl waiting to be kissed looked like, but it was also a girl afraid for her very life. Rin started to turn around again.

"This isn't right. We'd…we'd regret it."

"Bastard."

He turned back to her. She had her eyes open now. She looked angry, enraged, even violent.

"I was really starting to think it was me, that there was something wrong deep inside of me that you could sense."

A tear ran down her cheek before her eyes even starting to water.

"I thought you knew how sick I'd been as a child, how sick I might still be, and you thought I'd be no good, make sick babies or something."

"Asa, stop! What are you talking about?" Rin put his hands on her shoulders, not because the sudden loss of his arousal threw him off balance physically, just emotionally. Asa shrugged away and slapped him so hard that his ears rang from the sound alone.

"You like this, don't you," she spat, "you like having Kaede and Nerine and…and everyone! And who knows who else! And me! You like knowing you're the amazing, unreachable guy that the girls reach for with all their hearts!"

A huge sob jumped out of Asa's throat, shaking her whole body. Even though he'd been punished for it, comforting her still felt like the Truth of what she needed. In fact, being punished for it again felt like it would still be the Truth of what he deserved. This scared Rin enough that he took a defensive step backward.

"I used to think you were just too noble, but that's what you wanted us to think, wasn't it? You knew that would make us want you even more!"

Asa slapped him on the same cheek. It wasn't as loud, and Asa stumbled a bit in the follow through. Rin really should have heard the Truth, telling him that it hurt her more than him, but he didn't.

"You're not an idiot…you're not even a coward! You're a monster!"

Rin saw her raise her hand again, he saw her shaky hand become a weak fist. Asa looked ready to fall over. Even if he'd asked the ol' Right Thing it would have told him to calm her, comfort her, but Rin didn't do that. Rin clenched his own fists and yelled.

"That's it! Shut up!"

A deep breath can be used for the opposite of calming down, and Rin used it for all it was worth.

"I've had half the country on my dick today, and you know what? It doesn't make them any less crazy! I might be crazy, too, but I can't help it! I didn't ask for any of this, so you might as well just punch me in the balls and get it over with!"

Asa was already cowering, hands around her head, before he took his deep breath and noticed. Her sobs were stuck trying to get as loud as they needed to be, but his breaths were getting softer.

The truth was, Rin didn't deserve to hug her. He didn't deserve to pull her into his arms with all his might in a grand convoluted gesture of 'I'm sorry' and 'I'll protect you' but the truth is that's what he did.

"I hate you."

Rin knew that she'd just told him she loved him, but let himself not believe it. He even let himself believe his response.

"I don't care. It doesn't matter. Everything will be OK tomorrow."

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"I know none of this is your fault."

"So it's yours?"

"No."

It wasn't just a shock, but like a reboot that he actually believed it. Asa was in close enough proximity to notice, so he wasn't surprised when she relaxed into him.

"So what then?"

The question was 'what do we do now' but Rin was still reeling from all the affirmation he felt after one 'no.' He answered with Truth and it felt stronger than Right.

"If I don't leave soon, we're going to have sex, and I don't deserve to be a father."

Asa was hugging him now, comforting him in perfect harmony to being trusted with the truth.

They stayed like that long enough for Rin to notice that he could have stayed like that till his knees gave out.

"You'll be a great dad, Rin…"

Asa kissed him on the cheek. It made Rin start to hold her tighter, which made him let go completely.

"…someday."

Rin watched her walk away. He followed only after he heard kitchen noises.

"You'd better get home to Kaede."

Whether Asa had forgotten or dismissed what he'd let slip about Kaede 'taking over,' Rin let himself believe it was Asa being Asa. Letting himself do things was starting to grow on him. He even let himself wiggle his feet into his shoes without worrying about creasing the leather.

"Yeah."

Rin turned around and tried to think of a way to say 'thank you' and 'I'm sorry,' but a hug was all that came to mind. Asa busy in the kitchen was probably her way of not reopening that bag.

"Well, bye."

"Hold on a sec!"

Rin heard her stuff something in a bag and gripped the door knob tightly, but turned around without much fuss.

The paper bag wasn't heavy, but he wasn't really looking at it as she handed it to him.

"Since you're neighbors, could you drop this off to Nerine? I told her she could borrow it."

"Sure." Rin smiled at Asa and even turned to smile again when he was out the door.

"Promise to take it to her tonight, ok?"

"Oh-kay?" Rin looked into the bag. It was just a cookbook. What was the big deal?

"Good luck."

The grin on Asa's face was giggly, then mischievous, then seductively challenging, then something else before she closed the door, something…evil?

"One hundred and one romantic dinners."

Rin read the title in the bag out loud, then lifted his head while his feet dug into his shoes. It had felt so good to put them on lazily, so why did they feel so tight? How did everything feel so tight?

In the center of every 'oh no' type of thought was the sun in front of him, and in front of the sun were the clouds above a star struck city. He knew enough about clouds to know that they were going to see a beautiful sunset.