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The Youkai Inside You	By : horrorgal Category: Gensomaden Saiyuki > Yaoi - Male/Male > Sanzo/Hakkai Views: 2740 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki, nor the characters. I do not profit from this story.

Chapter List
- 6
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- 8
Chapter 7

Voices. That's all he knew. He could hear them talking, but he couldn't see them, trapped in the dark reaches of his mind. Sometimes they yelled, sometimes they whispered, but no matter how hard he tried, he could not respond.

~*~

Why the hell did you let that bastard get the best of you, kappa?!

He wasn't alone asshole, and I wasn't expecting him to knock me over the head!

Your excuses are pathetic!

You weren't there, high and mighty Sanzo!

And if I had been, this shit wouldn't have happened!

Oh, it's all my fault?!

Guys, please stop yelling.

Tell your master that, Goku. He's the one that started on me.

It's hard not to yell at an idiot kappa!

See that?! He can't stop attacking me!

You want me to attack?!

...Smack..

Ouch! I hate that fucking fan!..

Smack... Smack..

Dammit, knock that shit off!

Sanzo please..

Panting..... A soft growl...

Sorry, Goku.

Footfalls and a door opening and closing.

And he apologizes to you, monkey. You weren't the one he was hitting. Damn bastard.

Gojyo, just let it go.

How can I? Does he think I don't feel guilty about what happened to Hakkai?

He knows, he just.... He's being Sanzo.

Yeah, well, at least he got to kill Banri. I couldn't do a damn thing.

Gojyo..

I need a smoke.

More footfalls and the sound of the door.

A soft sigh. You need to wake up soon, Hakkai. These two are going to drive me crazy.

~*~

Sanzo, is he gonna wake up?

Of course he will, monkey. You really need to ask?

It's been a week.

Don't worry about it. Hakkai is too strong to let this shit take him out.

Yeah..... Hey, Sanzo.

Hm?

You still mad at Gojyo?

......

Sanzo?

No.... Maybe I'm just mad at myself.

Why?

I'm no better than Banri was.

Sanzo, why would you say something like that?

....It's nothing. Just keep an eye on Hakkai for me, I have to get some things done.

Okay, Sanzo. I'll make sure he's safe.

~*~

Hakkai, wake up, please. Gojyo keeps drinking, and Sanzo is... He hasn't been talking much.

Silence.

I miss seeing your eyes. You know I like your eyes, so you got to open them so I can see, okay?

A soft chirp.

Jeep wants to see you awake too. He's barely been eating. He just lays here beside you.

Sniff.

You have to wake up. Wake up!

~*~

Hakkai's eyes cracked open, but he closed them when the sunlight filtering in the room just made it too painful to keep them open. The dark was better. Gods. His body hurt, his head ached with a dull throb, and his mouth was so dry that he couldn't even work up saliva to relieve it. He lay there, still, afraid to move. He felt movement by his arm, but he was too weary to try looking.

Chirp

His dry lips parted. "Hak.." His voice was a dry whisper, and he couldn't finish. Even trying to talk was agony.

Chirp! Chirp!

Hakuryu's little body shifted and ran down to the foot of the bed. Wings fluttered as he took off, the slight tremble on the bed making Hakkai hiss. How could a body hurt this much? It didn't seem possible. He tried to open his eyes again, but got the same painful result, so he just left them closed. He heard hurried footsteps coming down the hallway.

"Hakkai?"

"San.."

"Don't try to talk."

"..Hu...hurts."

"Goku, bring in some fresh water, now!"

"Okay!" Goku ran off.

"San.."

"I said don't try so hard. You've been out for two weeks."

Hakkai cracked his eyes again, and even through the pain he forced them to stay open. He could understand everything going on, he just wished he could respond better. Sanzo was moving around the room, and he went to the window to block out most of the light with a sheet. Hakkai watched him through hazy eyes. He tried to speak again, but Goku was coming in and talked over his attempt.

"I got it." Goku came over by the bed with a pitcher and a glass. "I told Hakuryu to get Gojyo."

Sanzo just nodded as he came back by the bed. Goku poured water in the glass and Sanzo took it. He sat as softly as he could on the bedside and looked at Hakkai.

"We had you hooked up to keep you from dehydrating, but you need to try and drink something, okay?"

"O...ka..y."

"I know it hurts." Sanzo put his hand under Hakkai's head. "Just a little at a time."

Just having his head lifted made him gasp in pain, but he didn't yell. He wouldn't yell. Sanzo put the glass to his lips and he sipped slow and swallowed. The cool liquid was soothing against his parched tongue and throat. At least something felt good. He took more.

"That's good," Sanzo whispered, tipping the glass a little more.

"Kai." Gojyo stood in the doorway, hesitate to enter.

"Don't just stand there. Get in here, kappa," Sanzo said as he eased Hakkai's head back to the pillow.

His eyes didn't hurt so much now that the light was dim, and he watched them all. Gojyo stepped in and stood by Goku. Hakuryu landed back on the bed and took his spot beside his master, little head resting on his leg. Sanzo wasn't looking directly at him, busying himself with the glass of water. His attention is what Hakkai wanted most. It hurt, but he lifted his hand and placed it on Sanzo's robed arm.

"Banri... He's dead?"

"Yeah, he's dead," Sanzo said and looked at the hand weakly clutching at him.

"Oh..good. I thought..maybe..I..just..imagined that part."

Goku stepped over more. "How do you feel?"

"Like...shit," he answer and laughed, the sound a tired hiss.

"You're lucky to be alive, Kai." Gojyo looked at him. "His damn blood was like poison or something." He looked down. "It's my fault you ended up in that mess."

"Shut up, you idiot," Sanzo said before Hakkai could. "It wasn't any one's fault." He looked at the redhead. "It was....wrong for me to blame you."

Gojyo smirked. "Holy fuck, an apology, and I got witnesses."

"Don't push it." His hand hovered over his gun.

"Alright, alright. You don't have to do that. Heh."

Sanzo looked back at Hakkai. "You still have a lot of recovery ahead."

"I know," Hakkai said, looking at him. "Thank you for saving me."

"Well, you know I never pass up the chance to rid the world of shit, and Banri was one of the hugest piles I've ever seen."

"Nicely spoken," Hakkai said, and weakly smiled.

"He does have a way with words," Goku agreed.

"That he does," Hakkai said. He felt so exhausted, but he didn't want to go back to sleep; not after being in the dark for so long. His throat was feeling dry again and he reached for the glass, but Sanzo stopped him and helped him drink instead. He watched Sanzo as he drank. Hakkai wanted to talk to him, because there was something in the priest's eyes that reflected guilt. He wanted to understand what he was seeing.

"You can have some broth later, after you take in more fluid," Sanzo said as he moved Hakkai's head back on the pillow.

"I understand." The thought of food did nothing good for his stomach anyway. His fatigue was so great that he just realized he was still in his youkai form. The vines were still and lifeless.

"I was going to put your limiters back on, but I changed my mind," Sanzo said when he noticed him looking. "I wasn't sure if it would worsen your condition. Your youkai blood may have been what kept you alive."

"It's okay. At this point I've gotten used to it."

"As soon as you are back on your feet, I'll return them to you."

Hakkai looked at him. "Why would you do that? Is my problem....cured?"

"I think so." Sanzo sighed. "I was wrong to make you do this. I had no right to take your limiters."

"Sanzo, I don't understand."

"Just get some rest for now." Sanzo stood.

"I will, but.."

"Goku, Gojyo, keep an eye on him, and get him what he needs." He left the room without another word.

"What's up with him?" Gojyo asked. "Apologies, and saying he was wrong about his decisions.

"I don't know. Doesn't seem like Sanzo at all," Goku said.

Listlessly, Hakkai closed his eyes, wishing he had the energy to follow Sanzo. He had to talk to him, but he was being forced to wait yet again. He didn't need to ask Sanzo what happened during his blank spells, because while he was trapped in his own fevered, comatose mind, he had remembered enough. Now that guilt he saw in Sanzo's eyes was making a little more sense.

"He did nothing to feel guilty for," Hakkai whispered.

"Kai," Gojyo said. Hakkai opened his eyes and saw he and Goku standing over him with concerned expressions. "You okay?"

"As okay as I can be." He smiled sadly. "Can I have more water please?"

~*~

Hakkai's recovery was a slow process, but in just a few weeks, he was feeling himself again. In that time, he had only seen Sanzo a few times, and it was always with Gojyo or Goku around, so it didn't leave much opportunity to try discussing things. He had hoped that Sanzo would be the one to take the initiative, but it was like he was trying his hardest to avoid contact on all fronts.

Hakkai didn't want to let it go. He couldn't. Not after all Sanzo had done to help him the last few months. It was more than just that. He didn't want Sanzo hating himself for what happened between them. It was easy to see that was exactly what he was doing. When Sanzo did look at him, Hakkai could see the regret there in his eyes.

Hakkai was still staying at the temple, but the reason he was there was long past. He would have to leave soon, but he wouldn't feel right until this was resolved with Sanzo. Gojyo had even asked why he was still staying, and he couldn't give his friend a clear answer. It was too personal to share. Damn nightmares. Hakkai was sure Chin was laughing his ass off in Hell right now.

The nightmares were gone now, but its absence had created this new problem. Sanzo had set him free, only to cage himself in guilt and torment. It was his turn to save Sanzo. He couldn't let this doubt go on any longer. It could destroy their friendship, or something more they could have together. Hakkai wanted more. The last time he had loved so furiously was Kanan. He could never love anyone again. That's what he had told himself over and over, so many times before. He knew he could now. He didn't want to lose that feeling again.

Hakkai looked up at the sky and smiled. It was time to go find that stubborn bastard of a priest and make him listen. He looked at the swirling vines on his arm and chuckled. He'd bind him up if he had to. He went inside the temple to search for the elusive priest.
- 6
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- 8
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The Youkai Inside You