An Idiot's Guide to Ectopic Birth

Shinji had decided. He shouldered his backpack, ignored Kamio's pleas to wait up, and strode out of the classroom. Today, he thought, today was going to be the day he confessed to Tachibana.

It was Friday, the day before the quarter-finals and semi-finals, and Fudomine had the afternoon off to relax before the tournament. So, Shinji decided, he would go to Tachibana's classroom directly after last period, and finally tell his buchou how he felt.

Shinji walked towards the hallway where all the third year classrooms were, making his way to room 301 with a fierce determination. Finally, he stood at the doorway, looking in. . . to find that Tachibana wasn't there.

"Hmm? Tachibana?" said a classmate, after Shinji asked. "Come to think of it, I haven't seen him since lunch."

"Skipping!" called a girl with purple streaks in her hair. "He's definitely skipping! Misa just texted me that she saw him hanging out at the sandwich place outside the park."

Okay. Change of plans. Shinji strode back down the halls and towards the bicycle rack. Kamio was there again, trying to get his attention, but Shinji lightly shoved him away. He was on a mission. He would go to this sandwich place, he decided, and finally tell Tachibana how he felt.

It didn't take Shinji long to get to get to the sandwich place. He locked his bicycle up and went into the shop, looking around for Tachibana. It was pretty crowded, since school had just gotten out, and it was hard for him to scan through all the people. Shinji was about to give up when he felt a hand on his back, and a voice he didn't recognize speaking to him.

"Why, hello. What's a cute guy like you doing in a place like this?"

Shinji turned at the cheesy (and, in this case, Shinji thought, completely nonsensical-why wouldn't there be cute guys in a sandwich shop?-) pick-up line to find himself bump into some one's chest. It was covered in some light, flowy material, and Shinji backed up a step and looked up to an amused grin and a strangely nappy mess of black hair. He looked vaguely familiar, but Shinji didn't know where to place him.

"What are you?" said the boy, making a strange click clack sound as he stepped forward. Shinji looked down to see flared jeans and wooden geta sandals. "A little doggy? What a coincidence, I'm a dog too."

Now that he was so close again, and probably emitting pheromones on purpose, Shinji could smell that there was something definitely dog-like. . . a hint of. . . an akita, maybe? A middle-weight. . .

"What do you say," the boy continued, his hand pulling Shinji even closer, "we go back to my place?"

Definitely a middle weight, Shinji decided, maybe even part heavy-weight, from the daze Shinji was going into. But then Shinji shook his head to clear it, pushing the other boy away with both arms.

"Not interested."

"Shinji? Chitose, what exactly do you think you're doing to my kouhei?"

Aah. Now Shinji remembered where he had seen this boy before. He had come to the Kantou tournament to see Tachibana play. . . Chitose Senri, Tachibana's ex-teammate from when they used to live in Kyuushuu together.

"You never told me you had such a cute kouhei, Kippei," Chitose said, making a move to grab Shinji again. The smaller boy deftly avoided it, taking a few steps closer to Tachibana.

"I heard you skipped class," Shinji said to Tachibana, his tone mildly reproachful.

"Yeah, well, this guy showed up and dragged me off." At least Tachibana seemed irritated by the situation, although he didn't seem remorseful at all about skipping class.

"You know, you were more fun when you were a blond," Chitose said, pouting. "We used to skip classes together all the time."

A new voice joined the fray then, causing the others to turn to look."If you want I can bleach it back for you."

"Oh, hey," Chitose said to Shinji, "Shinji, was it?"

"Ibu. You can call me Ibu."

"Well, Ibu Shinji, these are my teammates, Konjiki and Hitouji. Teammates, this is Tachibana's cute kohei."

The newly introduced couple was pretty much draped all over each other, arms slung over each other's shoulders. Hitouji reminded Shinji of a poor man's version of Kaido from Seigaku, complete with the bandanna wrapped around his head. And if Hitouji was some cheap knock off of Kaidoh, then Konjiki must be Inui, only there was no way he could be considered good looking behind those glasses. Not that Shinji considered Seigaku's Inui good looking to begin with, just that he could see how some other people, people with bad taste, might.

"I can dye it for you," Hitouji repeated. "We were just about to leave any way, right?"

"I was just about to leave," Tachibana corrected, "I have no idea what you were all about to do."

"Kippei, that's so cold," Chitose said. "Don't you want to spend more time with your close friend Senri? Besides, you have to come, because I'm taking your cute kohei hostage."

Chitose reached for Shinji again, only this time he seemed to know exactly what direction Shinji was going to dodge towards, and was there to catch him. A hand wrapped itself around Shinji's waist and started to pull him forward.

"You coming?" Chitose asked, grinning at Tachibana over his shoulder.

Tachibana frowned but followed, the gay ferrets stumbling into step with the group. After a minute or two Shinji was able to free himself from Chitose's grip, and fell back to walk alongside Tachibana. Shinji sighed. He had only come here for one reason, but it's not as though he could confess with so many people with them. He would just have to wait for his opportunity.

"Sorry about Chitose," Tachibana said, his eyes warm as he looked down at Shinji. "He can be a nuisance, but he's a good friend. Most of the time."

"I don't really mind," Shinji muttered.

Tachibana was a little surprised by the statement. When he had found Shinji in the restaurant, it had been obvious that Chitose had been hitting on him. Which wasn't exactly surprising. That's just what Chitose tended to do. Shinji hadn't looked like he was enjoying the attention, but then he had let Chitose keep his arm around his waist for quite some time. And now, saying that he didn't mind Chitose's antics. . . Tachibana frowned. Just how long had they been talking before Tachibana had come over?

It didn't take long for the boys to get to the hotel that the Shitenhouji tennis club was staying. It was, understandably, close to the tennis complex where the National tournament was being held, and was a pretty nondescript building. They all headed to Hitouji and Konjiki's room, with the exception of Chitose, who had to make a pit stop in his room.

When they got there Hitouji started digging around in his luggage, pulling out hair brushes and curlers and all sorts of odds and end. Shinji looked from the boy's short hair to his hair style products and back again, perplexed. Come to think of it, it was pretty odd for a boy to randomly be carrying around hair bleach, wasn't it?

"It's for Oshitari," Hitouji said, and Shinji realized that he had been muttering out loud. He really should stop that habit.

"Plus," Hitouji said, shrugging, "I like to do hair."

"I see," Shinji replied, attempting to be polite.

But now Konjiki was staring at Shinji with an expression Shinji was absolutely positive he didn't like. He frowned and scooted closer to Tachibana on the bed.

"But you know, Ibu-kun," Konjiki said, "you really are cu~ute. Are all the other players on your team this cute?"

"Shut up," Hitoji said, pushing Konjiki off from where he had been leaning on his shoulder, "I'm telling you, it's cheating when you say stuff like that."

"It's not cheating if you just look," Konjiki replied, draping himself back across Hitouji's back.

"Are you two always so touchy feely?" Shinji asked, a frown on his lips. Even if bisexuality was rampant among madararui, he was pretty sure it still wasn't completely accepted among the monkey population, and homosexual madararui couples generally weren't flashy about showing their relationship in public. Plus, with two people like them, it was somehow. . . "It's a little gross. I don't mean that in an offensive way, I'm just telling the truth, with the way you're always grabbing each other and everything. People are too public in their displays of affections these days, it just isn't right. There's a time and a place for everything and just because you're a doubles team doesn't mean you can make out on the tennis courts."

Konjiki blinked at him, then pointed to where he and Hitouji were joined together. "Are you still talking about us?"

"I think we'll go for honey blond," Hitouji said, holding out a box. "The highlights in it will bring out your bone structure. Come on, now, let's head to the bathroom."

Konjiki actually winked at Tachibana. Shinji turned to give Tachibana a questioning glance, and Tachibana shrugged at him.

"I might as well," Tachibana said, "to tell you the truth, I kind of miss my old hair."

Chitose came back then, followed by a boy Shinji didn't know. Chitose had a bag in his hand, and set it down on the floor as he sat down in the spot that Chitose had just vacated. The other boy sat down on the mattress across from them.

"Ibu," Chitose said, "this is Shiraishi, our fearless captain."

"Hey," Shiraishi said, reaching out to shake Shinji's hand. "So, what is this, are we partying with Fudomine before we kick their asses tomorrow?"

"Shiraishi," Konjiki said, inching forward to sit on the ground in between the two beds, "that's not a very nice thing to say with Ibu right here."

"We can still hear you in here, too," Hitouji called, his voice slightly muffled in the bathroom.

Chitose pulled something out of the bag, and Shinji was surprised to recognize it as a bong. But Chitose was packing the bowl with something out of a small plastic bag, and none of the other Shitenhouji players were acting out of the ordinary.

"Is this something you do?" Shinji asked. "Smoke up the day before an important tennis match? There are so many things wrong with that. One, marijuana is illegal in Japan. Two, you have an important match tomorrow. Against us. You better not be doing this because you don't think we're a threat-"

"Really," Shiraishi said, "I didn't realize Fudomine was so straight-laced. Aren't you guys known as troublemakers? Something about being disqualified from the newcomer's tournament last year?"

"Shinji," Tachibana called from the bathroom, "if Chitose's offering you pot, don't take it."

"I wasn't going to even if you didn't say anything," Shinji muttered.

"Boo," Chitose said, then took a toke on the bong. "You know, Kippei used to do this all the time with me."

"It's the only way I could tolerate being around you," Tachibana shouted.

Shiraishi snickered at the comment and took the bong from Chitose. "I like your friend. He's funny."

"Once in a blue moon," Chitose replied, frowning.

Shiraishi coughed as he passed the bong to Konjiki.

"Are you sure you don't want some?" Chitose asked, moving even closer towards Shinji. "Just one hit?"

"If you guys want to screw around," Shinji said, "that's your business, but I don't want any part of it. I'm perfectly fine not getting stoned the day before the National quarterfinals."

"Your loss," Chitose said, coughing just a little bit.

But the small hotel room was filling up with smoke, and Shinji really hoped that he wasn't going to get a contact high. He also hoped that he didn't reek of marijuana, and would be able to make his way home without being stopped by the police or questioned by his mother.

Tachibana came out of the bathroom, frowning as he saw how close together on the bed Chitose and Shinji were sitting.

"Shinji," Tachibana said, running his fingers through wet, yellow hair. "What do you think?"

"It's fine."

Tachibana blinked at the two word answer. "You can give me your honest opinion, you know."

"Well, if Tachibana-san wants to hear my honest opinion, the truth is I don't think the color suits you. It makes you look a little bit like a delinquent, and Fudomine already has a problem with our reputation, what with what happened last year. Plus you're our buchou and our coach, so it's even worse for you to look like a delinquent, and even if you didn't look like a delinquent, the color just doesn't look right."

Chitose and the others were all either chuckling or snickering, but Tachibana figured it was his fault for asking for Shinji's opinion. At any rate, they had probably spent enough time with Shitenhouji by now, and he didn't particularly want to stay in a room filled with pot smoke. If he wasn't careful, he'd forgot why it was he gave it up in the first place. In fact, why did he give it up? Tachibana shook his head, clearing such dangerous thoughts.

"Shinji," he said, "I'm going to go. Do you want to come with me?"

To Tachibana's relief Shinji nodded and got off the bed.

For his part, Shinji was also relieved. Finally, he thought, he could walk home alone with Tachibana and tell him how he felt. But his relief was cut short when Chitose also got up.

"I'll walk you guys home," he said, a rather idiotic grin on his face.

The three of them walked out of the hotel together. Shinji and Tachibana lived in the same area, so it would be awhile before they would have to part ways.

"You really don't have to walk with us," Tachibana said to Chitose, but Chitose only grinned and waved a small dismissal.

"Don't be silly, you know how much I like taking walks. Plus, I never get to see my favorite Kippei-chan."

Shinji sighed as he looked down at the sidewalk, watching his feet as they passed over the cracks. They were walking three in a row, Chitose in the middle, and Shinji thought maybe he just wasn't destined to confess to Tachibana today.

They were passing by a park when an unmistakable flash of red hair dashed in front of them, screaming obscenities and chasing after what looked like Momoshiro from Seigaku.

"Kamio?" Shinji asked, blinking after the two blurs. But, really, there was no to little doubt that it was his teammate.

"Wow," Chitose said, "another cute kouhei. You've been holding out on me, Kippei."

Tachibana sighed. "Not again. Why are those two always antagonizing each other? I better go make sure they don't get into too much trouble."

"I'll wait here for you," Shinji said, watching Tachibana run into the park after Kamio.

After Tachibana left, Shinji realized that he was now alone with Chitose. Chitose, who was currently smiling down at him and giving off pheromones like crazy. Shinji liked to pride himself on his self-control, but it's not as though he wasn't affected by the heavy, sweet smell. He could feel himself getting a little light-headed, even as he fought the feeling.

"What are you exactly?" Chitose asked, with each word coming a little closer to Shinji. "A jindo?"

"A shiba," Shinji replied, a blush on his cheeks as he stepped away.

"Huh. I'm an akita myself. A middle-weight, like my mom. But my dad's like a half American wolf, so I have some heavy-weight blood in me too. You can pretty much tell, right?"

"You're doing that on purpose," Shinji accused, referring to the release of pheromones and kon-gen and the fact that, yes, Shinji could tell more or less what Chitose was.

"Are you dating any one?" Chitose asked, seemingly out of nowhere, and Shinji realized all of a sudden that his back was pressed against a bicycle rack, Chitose right in front of him.

"No," he murmured. Chitose brought his hands up to hold on to the bicycle rack on either side of Shinji.

"Good," he said. "Then I don't have to feel bad when I do this."

He leaned down then, capturing Shinji's lips in his own. Shinji let the kiss go on for a little bit before coming to his senses, pushing Chitose away. His eyes widened when he saw Tachibana over Chitose's shoulder, a surprised expression on his face.

"Sorry," Tachibana said, and Chitose turned to look at him as well, "I guess I'm just interrupting things between you. I'll see you both tomorrow."

Shinji felt his stomach drop. Tachibana was walking away then, his pace rapid, and Shinji tried to go after him only Chitose was grabbing onto his arm.

"Hey," Chitose said, getting Shinji to face him, "do you like Kippei?"

Shinji didn't say anything, just attempted to tug his arm out of Chitose's grasp.

"Look," Chitose started, "I don't mean this to be offensive, because I like Kippei a lot, but. . . he's just a monkey, you know?"

"I don't care," Shinji replied, finally able to pull his arm out of Chitose's grip and run away.

Chitose couldn't help gawking a little bit as Shinji ran away. Man, what an insult to his pride. A part heavy-weight like him, rejected for a monkey. He laughed a little before turning around to head back to the hotel. Well, he thought, at least he had lost to Tachibana. Somehow, the thought made the rejection sting a little bit less.

Shinji ran after Tachibana. It didn't take long, since Tachibana hadn't had much of a head start, and Shinji grabbed onto the back of his shirt as the two came to a stop together.

"Tachibana-san." His heart was racing from some combination of running and nervousness. He wanted to say more, but he felt like if he opened his mouth right now everything would rush up and spill out, words and vomit and everything bad and good inside of him. But then Tachibana was talking, his words calm.

"Shinji. I can walk home myself. I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner, but if you like Chitose you should go spend time with him. He goes back to Osaka after the tournament, after all."

"Tach-"

"Sorry," Tachibana said again. He turned, halfway looking back, his eyes downcast and a sad sort of smile on his face. "I guess I should have said something to you earlier. And now it's too late."

"Tachibana-san, I like you."

There. It was out, and Tachibana was turning to look at him directly. Shinji's heart was still racing. He had expected to feel different after confessing. Like a weight being lifted, wasn't that what it was supposed to feel like? But he still felt nervous, and his hands still felt clammy.

Then Tachibana kissed him. Pushed his chin up and pressed their lips together, and all of Shinji's nervous energy melted away. When they finally broke apart, Tachibana smiled down at him.

"Good," Tachibana said, "I like you, too."

Shinji wrapped his arms around Tachibana's waist and buried his head in his chest, inhaling deeply. He smelled like a monkey, but Shinji would take Tachibana's scent over anyone else's any day.

"Tachibana-san," he murmured, placing his chin on Tachibana's chest as he looked up, "are we going to have sex now?"

A flush spread out over Tachibana's usually expressionless features. "What kind of question is that to ask?"

"Well, you know, I read a lot of yaoi manga and novels. Not that I go and buy them myself, but Kamio's older sister likes to read them, and she lends them to me and really they're pretty interesting. But in those stories the main characters go through all these misunderstandings before they finally make each other realize their true feelings, and right away after that they always, always have sex."

"I think we'll take it a little slower than that, Shinji," Tachibana said, running his fingers through Shinji's hair. "Come on. I'll treat us to dinner."