Confessions & Cigarettes

After the press conference was aired, Tohma gathered the bands together and congratulated them on surviving the last three days. He then told them that they could go home and relax for a couple days before coming back there if they wished. Standing next to him, Shuichi all but took out a huge neon sign declaring his plans for the next two days. On his other side, Suguru sighed, his gaze moving from his cousin to the crowd of musicians, focusing on a large grouping of girls around his age. Hiro was watching the singer behind Tohma play with his pink rabbit, ignoring what was going on around him.

Tohma gave a few last instructions concerning the music they were working on and then dismissed the assembly of musicians. Some, like Hiro, lingered in the room, either not having any place to go or needing to finish a few more tweaks on their music. But then K showed up to escort them out of the building. With the doors shut tight against him, Hiro sighed, went to the hotel to grab his bags and headed for the train station.

He took a train to Tokyo and walked the rest of the way to his small apartment. He had planned to move into a bigger place, but that - like all his other plans involving a different life - fell apart and he didn't have enough in him to try again. He was really glad that both Shuichi and Suguru had found people they liked, and he was also glad that K had drag him away from them before they could start on his lack of a date. He knew they meant well, but he just did not want to be facing two people with bad cases of lovestruckitis they were itching to spread.

Besides, he had a mission. It had been a long time since he really felt motivated to do anything outside of work. But the games Ryuichi had been playing - if he was playing them - had made Hiro feel restless in his skin and he wanted to know more. It was like the first time he actually saw a guitar; the feeling, the hunger to figure out the mysteries and mold them into his hands. But this mystery he could not solve with a chord book, he needed other sources.

Hiro tossed his bag on to his futon and left his apartment, taking his bike and headed to the library. There he started digging in the public life of Ryuichi Sakuma. There was a lot of it. Pictures and reviews of the movie he made with Judy Winchester. Photos and reviews of the last Grasper recordings before his acting career started. Stuff about how Ryuichi was taking on America. Stuff showing a thinner, paler Ryuichi hiding behind Kumagoro talking about how Nittle Grasper was disbanding. Articles and pictures filled with the wedding of Tohma and Mika, Ryuichi a bright spot of auburn hair and a purple suit in the best man spot during the American-styled wedding. Articles about the band leaving for America for a break around the same time that Tohma took his future brother-in-law to the States to study. The articles started to space out before that, sometimes their names managing to skip a couple months before appearing again.

Then Hiro reached the bottom of the pile, finding an older newspaper clipping of the band, showing a bunch of young teens in school uniforms holding a banner between them. Ryuichi was in the center, his lopsided grin still recognizable even though his very long hair had made Hiro look twice. Tohma had black hair and it was spiked, but he still had the same blank grin and bowler hat. As for Noriko, the only difference was how more curvy she was now then she was back then.

Hiro leaned back and rubbed his eyes. There was a lot of stuff to shift through and none of it helped giving him a sense of the person behind the fame. Collecting copies of those articles he wanted to study, Hiro left and went to a nearby cafe to eat. He munched through a tasteless sandwich and fries, thinking about what to do next. The articles were interesting - and here he flipped through them, seeing if anything jumped out at him - but they didn't hold all the answers. There was little in them that did make sense to his tired mind.

Folding up the articles, he left the cafe and went back home. With every bone in his body throbbing dully, Hiro intended to just take a shower and go to bed. But as he reached his door, it swung open and the person he had spent the past three hours researching was standing in the doorway, looking down at him.

Hiro walked up the last steps and came to a stop before the singer. Ryuichi raised his head and then broke out into a large grin, bopping him lightly on the nose with Kumagoro. "I knocked but the door opened so I came in!"

"I thought I locked it," Hiro said, waving away the pink plushy. Ryuichi shook his head hard, and wrapped his arms around Kumagoro, hugging the toy to his body. Hiro stared at him for a moment or two and then sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"What do you want?"

"You're not mad at me, right?"

"Mad?"

Ryuichi nodded, looking over the top of his stuffed toy, blue eyes large and watery. Hiro bite his lip and shook his head. The watery eyes turned bright and shiny and before he could move out of the way, Hiro found himself getting glomped. He stumbled back, hitting the guard railing as the singer squeezed him tightly, and then shoved Kumagoro into his face.

"We were really worried that you were!"

Hiro just stared at the pink bunny. The black glass eyes stared back. He freed an arm and patted the toy on top of its head, trying to look around the pink fuzz to get a better glimpse of what the singer's expression was. He couldn't so Hiro just decided to talk to the rabbit, even if it felt a little weird.

"I'm just tired."

"Oh! We know what tired is like, don't we, Kumagoro?" The rabbit was pulled away as Ryuichi turned the rabbit towards him for a talk. "That's when our head gets really weird and our eyes get all fuzzy."

Kumagoro nodded and Hiro rubbed his forehead, just wanting to sit down and get a few moments of rest before he actually had to deal with anything, especially a singer that seemed determined to drive him nuts. Luckily for his last nerve, Ryuichi noticed the slight grimace and bounced out of the doorway and latched on to his arm before dragging him inside.

Hiro didn't get a chance to take off his shoes as Ryuichi continued to drag him over to his futon and pushed him down. Shoving Kumagoro into his hands, the singer bounced over to Hiro's small kitchen and banged around for a few minutes before reappearing and holding a glass out to him. Hiro carefully set the rabbit down and took the glass, taking a sip of water.

"I wanted to stop and say hi but I can leave so you can take a nap," Ryuichi said, picking up the toy and chewing on its ear.

"Actually, I wanted to ask you something," Hiro said, setting the glass down. Ryuichi stopped chewing on Kumagoro's ear, his eyes the largest, bluest eyes Hiro had ever seen outside of a movie. Hiro almostr felt bad when he blurted out one of the many questions in his mind at that moment. "Who are you?"

Ryuichi's face screwed up and he started laughing. "Hiro is so funny when he is sleepy, he is!"

Despite the annoying childish laughter, Hiro found himself smiling back. "I guess I am."

His laughter died down and the singer put Kumagoro down on the low table next to his glass of water. He leaned forward and brushed his fingers along Hiro's cheek.

"You know that thing I told you about me acting too American around you?"

Hiro blinked, not too sure if he should pull away or lean against that moth-like touch. "I remember."

"It also goes for when I act too much like a little kid," Ryuichi said. "If it bothers you too much, just tell me."

"Why?"

Ryuichi leaned back on his hands, a gentle lopsided grin on his face. Hiro wasn't too tired to not appreciate the way he looked all stretched out on his floor, relaxed and comfortable and real. It struck him that was how he often seen Ryuichi - not the strung out rock god, but this quiet, relaxed man with a lopsided grin and gentle humor.

"I guess I'm not good at reading nice guys," Ryuichi said, winking. "Or maybe I'm just trying to seduce you by being extra nice."

Hiro shook his head, laughing a little. "Does it always have to be a joke about sex with you?"

"Well, it does get you to smile."

"Yeah. . . I guess it does."

They shared a smile and Ryuichi stretched out, falling back and his arms raised over his head. His shirt rode up, showing a strip of skin above the low cut of his jeans and the definition of his stomach and hips. Hiro looked away, and picked up the glass of water and took a sip.

"I could fall asleep right here."

Hiro looked over at Ryuichi. The singer had tucked his hands behind his head but otherwise was in the same prone position, his messy bangs covering his eyes. Ryuichi laughed and his eyes drifted close.

"Used to be I could go for days with only a brief nap," he said, yawning. "From studio to press to photo shoots to stage to parties and back again. Days and days. . . then maybe I'll remember to sleep when Tohma pushed me into a couch."

"You can crash here if you want."

Ryuichi cracked open his eyes and sat up, rubbing at the back of his head. "I really shouldn't. Tohma would have a fit and then Noriko would chew my ass."

"How did you get here?"

"I drove."

Hiro blinked. Ryuichi saw the look that crossed his face and giggled. The singer yawned and climbed to his feet, stretching out. Even Hiro could hear the popping sound his back made when he twisted to the side. Ryuichi made a face and rubbed his side.

"Man, I am getting old. . . But really, I have to go."

"Are you sure you can drive?" Hiro asked, getting up as well. Ryuichi waved off his concern with a gentle grin and picked up Kumagoro.

"Get some sleep, Hiro. And don't worry; it's nothing to drive sleepy-sleepy."

Hiro made a face and Ryuichi laughed, bouncing out the door. Hiro followed him to the door and watched as the singer jumped down the steps and got into a dark blue car. He drove off without incident and Hiro sighed and went to take a nap. Maybe things would make much more sense after he got some rest.