Mixed Signals

~*~~*~~Chapter Seven~~*~~*~~*~

Two weeks floated by. Despite their burning desires to enjoy each other's bodies, they united in such a fashion a mere three times during this period; Celica felt severely frustrated, but she knew that Accela was evolving as fast as possible. In her mind, she was breaking every rule about sex she'd ever held dear, such as "Only date men", "don't finger yourself", "mouths shouldn't go there". Celica had started with only the one taboo left unexplored (dating a woman), so once she shattered that barrier everything else was pretty easy. Therefore, it was her responsibility as the more experienced half of their whole to be patient and understanding. It was no cakewalk, but she was willing to endure.

Equally maddening was Accela's insecurity about their relationship status. The more they talked about it, the more Celica was sure that she wanted to remain "just friends"... or "friends with benefits", as the case may be. Not that Celica ever came right out and popped the question, revealing engagement ring on bended knee, but she would bring up the subject casually, as if it wasn't such a big deal. Accela would laugh and say she didn't know if she could ever court a girl, or that she still envisioned herself as a bride one day, marrying a tall, dark, handsome stranger she had yet to meet. Celica privately doubted this mythical boy would ever appear - and not just due to her personal investment in whether or not he did.

Then came the day in which Celica received the most abrupt and disquieting shock of her life.

"Hey," she said as she breezed in the door, a bottle of sparkling apple juice in hand. "Guess what? My parents are finally getting that pool renovated - should be done by Friday! So, y'know, I was thinking we should invite the girls over and do a little partying at Yayoi Manor. Any thoughts?"

"Celica... I want to see other people."

It took great dexterity and reflexes for Celica to reach down and catch the bottle she had just dropped before it hit the floor. Slowly standing back up, she laughed and said, "I meant RELATED thoughts. Try that one more time?"

"Sorry," Accela whispered, spinning a wooden spoon in her hands nervously. "Oh... I didn't want to blurt it out like that, but I figured it would be the least awkward way to breach the subject."

"Good work," she grunted, setting the bottle down on the kitchen counter before she could drop it again, just in case Accela revealed she was also moving, or pregnant or something. "It wasn't the least bit awkward, not at all, thanks."

"Stop it," Accela pouted. "I knew if I didn't lead off with it, I'd never say anything."

"What's this all about?" Celica asked, leaning back against the counter as her vision began to blur slightly. 'Great,' she thought to herself, 'I'm freaking. She barely mentioned seeing other people, and it already feels like I'm losing everything. How did I suddenly become so, so... CLINGY?'

"It's not that I'm, y'know... breaking up with you, or whatever," she said, her voice trembling more than her body was. "I mean, from whatever this is. But hey, it's like... I can't help but think about what else is out there. Let's face it, I'm awful when it comes to dating, so the three dates I've been on in the past, oh, four or five years... that can't be all there was. I have to find out."

"So go," Celica said with a shrug, picking up a tumbler and filling it at the sink. Amazingly, she was able to hold it steady enough to avoid shattering the glass. "What am I, your warden? Have fun."

"You've gotta be okay with it, though," Accela pleaded. "I won't go if it's too weird, y'know... sharing me. I worried that you'd be more offended that I'm asking in the first place, since we're not, um... since we're just trying things out, instead of gay. Please, I apologize if all this is sounding really backward, I don't know what all the proper terminology is."

"Terminology?" Celica snorted as she lowered the glass from her lips. "You're trying to cheat on me, and that's your primary concern? Terminology?"

At this, Accela's face drained of color as she stared down at her hands, still twisting the wooden spoon this way and that. "You're mad. Crap, I- how stupid I can be, I knew it was cheating and I- can you ever forgive me? Celica, if you start hating-"

"PSYCH!" When Accela's eyes snapped up to her friend's, Celica was giggling. "Man, I really had you going there! Don't worry so much. If you want to see if there's some tasty fish out there in the sea, it's cool. Just don't forget you've got a real keeper in the freezer back home."

"You brat," Accela was laughing as she prodded Celica in the ribs with the spoon. "You seriously made me think you hated me for asking! God..."

"What are friends for?" Grinning, she turned and headed out of the kitchen, calling over her shoulder, "Bathroom break, be back in five."

"Don't take too long, the roast is almost ready!"

But as soon as she locked the door of the bathroom, Celica slumped to the floor and began shaking, grasping with one hand at the tight pain in her chest. 'Panic attack,' she said to herself, recognizing the symptoms. 'It'll pass. I just have to lie still and take deep breaths, let my pulse slow as I get oxygen to my brain. Deep, deep breaths...'

Two minutes later, the panic attack was under control. She allowed herself one minute to cry, then spent the next two cleaning herself up and making it appear that none of it had ever transpired. Five minutes, as promised.

'You can explode into tiny pieces when you get home,' she told her reflection in the mirror. 'For now, Accela needs you to be okay with her decision... because Accela needs it. That's all the reason you gotta have.'

So out into the apartment proper she went, where she plastered on a brave face and maintained pleasant conversation. However, when Accela started to indicate she might be up for a trip into the bedroom, Celica headed it off by feigning sleepiness, then remarked that she needed to be home in the morning to receive a phone call. Her feet couldn't carry her home fast enough, because until she reached it, she wouldn't be able to remove the facade of calm.

Which she did the minute she was inside. Clothes were shredded and small objects thrown. A pillow gradually soaked up tear after tear after tear. That night, Celica came dangerously close to reaching for a bottle, but changed direction and ended up with a bottle of pills instead. One, two, three sleeping pills. Then half an hour of uncontrollable sobbing until they kicked in, and she was out like a light until morning. Gratefully.

~*~

"Oh, hey Celica - tell them about your idea?"

"Hmm?" She glanced up from the report she was working on. "What idea?"

"Y'know..." As usual, Accela was not the type of person to steal someone else's thunder, so she merely said, "the one we discussed last night."

"What's this all about, Yayoi?" Integra asked, folding her arms.

Finally, Celica remembered, and nodded wearily. "Oh, right, that; sorry it took me a minute." She forced a smile into place. Really, she felt like moping around in bed all day - especially since she didn't get as much sleep as the pills demanded she get - but that doesn't pay any bills or catch any criminals. The party still might be fun, though, so why not? "Our pool is finally back on its way to working order - and that means the hot tub, too. So, ladies..."

"I'm game," Sylvia spoke up with a shrug. "I could use a nice soak. When would this potential shindig take place?"

"Friday night," Celica informed them. "Unless the contractor punks out, all systems should be go by then."

"Acceptable for me," Integra said mildly, as if it didn't matter one way or the other.

"Should we bring anything?" Sylvia asked.

"Leave all the food to me," Accela said excitedly. "Homemade garden salsa and fresh-baked chips work for everybody?"

"I'll man the margarita machine!"

"It's a dry party," Accela said automatically, then covered her mouth with her hands. "Oh..."

"Dry party?!" Sylvia snapped, incensed. "What kind of oxymoron is that?"

"Shh," Accela whispered, "don't-"

"She's trying to make it an alcohol-free affair for my benefit," Celica said flatly, now feeling even more depressed than before, thus making it harder to feign cheerfulness. "Because I'm trying to go sober. Don't worry about it, you guys can drink all you want; I'll be fine."

Both Sylvia and Integra exchanged awkward glances. "Uhh," Sylvia began, "Hey, I was just offering to spring for drinks since Accela's got the eats. They don't have to be alcoholic; I can roll with frozen cherry limeades just as easily."

"I said don't worry," Celica repeated, growing more irritated now. "I refuse to drag down the party with my problems. You can shoot up, smoke up, do whatever, as long as you have a safe ride home."

"Let's please continue to speak as if RUC Security condones recreational drug abuse," Integra muttered sardonically.

Sylvia chuckled. "Okay, okay, just trying to help. Want me to pick you up some near-beer or anything?"

"Ugh," Celica laughed, imaging the putrid taste of the stuff. She also laughed because it was heartening to hear the genuine concern in her coworker's voice. "I'd rather drink cat urine. Seriously, I'm not gonna give in to peer pressure like we're at some lame frat party; I can sit around and sip virgin daiquiris with you guys and be peachy keen. Chill."

"If you're positive," Integra said with a kind smile, "then we won't say another word about it."

"Great," Accela said cheerily, shooting a brief apologetic look Celica's way before saying, "So, anybody have snack requests?"

Already, Celica could feel herself dreading Friday.

~*~

No matter how long the week seemed to last, it couldn't last long enough to keep the day of the party from arriving. It hung over Celica's head like a dark cloud all morning, and pressed in on her as she and Accela tromped back to her apartment to pick up all the necessary items. They were still packing up the food and hardware when Celica got blindsided by yet another startling revelation.

"So guess what? I kinda, sorta, got myself a date."

"HUH?!" Celica yelped, spinning around so fast that she knocked over the salsa. "Oh, shit - shit, shit, SHIT!"

"Don't worry, hang on!" Accela squeaked, running over to join her. "Let's, um... you know what? These counters are still squeaky clean from before I left for work, so if we just..."

"I'm such a klutz," Celica laughed weakly, mind reeling as she held onto the container while Accela used her (hopefully clean?) hands to shovel as much salsa back inside as she could manage. She had a date. Accela had a DATE with someone - someone who wasn't her. "There - n-not too much lost, right? I didn't ruin it, right?"

"The girls don't need to know it spilled," she whispered as she rinsed her hands off. "The taste won't have changed any."

"Exactly. So, um... about this date. Give me the five W's, girlfriend - come on, out with it!"

"Well..." There was a pregnant pause as Accela wiped her hands on a towel, cheeks beginning to glow. "The where is Balaklava, that Ukranian restaurant. The when is Saturday night. The who is someone I met in a bar. And the what and why, sheez, that should be pretty obvious so let's skip that part!"

They both had a good laugh at that as they continued packing party supplies. "I think I can fill in the blanks," she tittered, trying to keep the mood light, be supportive. "So, do I get to know the name of this lucky lad?"

Accela opened her mouth to blurt it out excitedly, then closed it again, suddenly hesitant with the information.

"What? You think I'm gonna hunt him down and kick his ass or something? I'm bigger than that."

"I know that," Accela said, but there was a noticeable drop in her excitement. "It's... Garabine."

"What the hell kind of name is that?" she snickered. "Sorry, sorry, I'm not trying to be a bitch, but that one doesn't earn him any points."

"Celica..." Then she frowned. "I was afraid of this. That when I did get around to making a few dates, you'd start bashing them before you even met them."

Now Celica found herself shifting uncomfortably for a whole new reason. "Listen, uh... let's hope I don't meet them. I'm not trying to say I'll cause a scene or eviscerate them, I wouldn't, but... geez, ignorance is bliss, and whatnot."

Accela gave a small nod. "That kinda makes sense, I guess. Anyway, let's get going before the nacho cheese coagulates."

"Mm."

"Hey." As they walked to the door, arms laden down, Accela bumped her hip into Celica. "You don't honestly believe I'm gonna dump you like a hot potato over one date? We're friends for LIFE. I'm stuck with Celica, if memory serves."

"Aw, shaddap," she said, unable to keep the smile from her cheeks - no matter how miserable she felt. Scant days, and she was being replaced. It seemed Accela Warrick's experimental phase had come to its inevitable close, and the time had now come for her to resume the previously-scheduled heterosexual dating. At least they'd always have their memories of trysts gone by.

'This is going to be a swell party,' she thought darkly as they strolled down the sidewalk. 'Swell.'

~*~ To Be Continued