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Gone Forever	By : Nayru774 Category: +. to F > D. Gray Man Views: 3479 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own D.Gray-man, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
Warnings: Confusion, angst, a lot of blood, some Yullen interaction.

~Gone Forever~

Chapter 07: No time for lies

It was already bright outside − that's what Allen came to realize the moment he opened his eyes. By the position of the Sun, he could assume it was early. Very early, in fact.

And when it occurred to him that neither the colored window glass nor the wall that he was currently staring at belonged to his room, everything came rushing back to him like wildfire. No, this wasn't his room, indeed...

The memory of yesterday suddenly made him feel awkward and embarrassed, and somehow Allen had a hard time believing everything that took place a couple of hours earlier actually happened.

His weird request, Lavi's interference, the kiss, and... More than anything else, he was surprised that Kanda actually let him...

He wasn't sure how it came down to it. At some point he just couldn't recall to have cared about the consequences, and simply... went with the flow. When lust got the better of him, nothing else seemed to have mattered.

Allen swallowed nervously. He couldn't even recall when he fell asleep.

After a moment, the boy finally shifted, trying his best in making as less noise as possible. When he turned around, however, he realized that the spot right next to him was empty. Kanda was nowhere to be seen, and the bed was apparently long cold where he'd supposed to be.

Don't tell me... he went training at a time like this? Was the immediate thought, though Allen wasn't convinced about the idea in the slightest. Something deep inside was telling him that he was actually the reason Kanda didn't want to stay in bed for too long. Not to mention that a busy day awaited both of them today, and he sure as hell couldn't picture Kanda taking his sweet time with training when the whole Order was still in need of moving as fast as possible.

An insecure sigh left the boy's lips. A sudden thought about staying and waiting for the dark-haired crossed his mind, but then he discarded the idea even faster than it came.

Not putting much more thought into it, Allen got up, collected his clothes and left the room not long after he was done dressing.

Did somebody mention something about the day being busy? Well, Allen had a feeling things wouldn't be easy, but he never thought it would be this bad.

Miraculously getting a good deal of centimeters for his hair − he could deal with. Kanda and Lavi shrinking back to child-size, Bookman growing rabbit-ears and Lenalee starting to speak nothing but cat-language − they could somehow deal with.

An awkward zombie invasion, however, was a bit of a problem when it came down to it.

The only good thing during the commotion was probably the fact that Krory finally managed to wake up. Who cared that he was on rampage while at it. Details.

That was more or less the outcome of Komui's weird, better-off-forgotten experiments going loose. And if it weren't for Bak, Allen had no idea how the situation would have looked by now. Thank God everything turned out alright in the end. Well, in regards to the invasion, at least.

"Hey." Lavi took a seat right next to Allen in the cafeteria. It was already past usual breakfast time, so not many people were present there at the moment. "Why the gloomy atmosphere?"

He was refering to Allen's current relations with Kanda, obviously. Maybe it wasn't all that easy to tell that something was off between them, since they've never been on good terms to begin with, but then again, they did tend to argue a lot, and now Kanda was plainly ignoring him.

Which in turn made Allen angry and slightly confused.

"Don't ask me." The boy answered bluntly, maybe even a bit rudely, taking another bite of his sandwich as if nothing.

Lavi blinked, staying quiet for a few seconds. One didn't need to be a Bookman-apprentice to tell that Allen's mood was off. "...You went back to him yesterday, didn't you?"

The boy continued his meal, no waver. "...Yeah, I did."

Then something must have happened... Lavi thought to himself, before exhaling loudly. "Gee, I'm really sorry for barging in like that..."

"Mm..." Allen only made a silent sound of disapproval, trying to note that it was okay. "Wasn't your fault."

Awkward silence fell between them, while the future Bookman was trying his best at thinking what to say next, uncertain about the whole situation. And maybe also a tad curious.

"Say, Allen..."

"Lavi, we..."

Both spoke almost at the same time, interrupting each other. When the red-head turned to look at his friend, Allen was staring down at his plate of food, motionless now.

There was sadness and uncertainty in his eyes. "We've slept with each other again."

Lavi blinked a few times again, obviously startled from the newly obtained information. "I don't know if I should be surprised or not, but... I am."

Now Allen was the one to sigh. "Yeah, I'm surprised myself..."

"Let me guess... Kanda's ignoring you now because of it."

"That's not really a guess, is it?" The white-haired gave his friend a contemptuous look.

Lavi sweat-dropped. "Well, I won't say that I have huge experience in regards to such situations, but... Knowing Yuu, he's just as confused as you are, Allen."

The boy turned to look back at his food. "I'm not sure about that..."

"Oh, come on. Yuu might be all tough and mighty on the outside, but I'm sure he doesn't even know how to deal with people when it comes down to it."

Allen turned quiet for a moment. "Say, Lavi..."

"Yeah?"

"Um..." The white-haired hesitated for a moment. "No, never mind."

"Aww, come on!" Lavi flailed in front of the other. "If there's something bothering you, I'm always there to listen! Ask anything you want!"

"Ah, Lenalee!" Allen called his friend's name as soon as he recognized her figure, running along the corridor. "Do you have a minute?"

"Allen-kun." The female Exorcist stated and turned around in the boy's direction, observing how he approached her. "What is it?"

"Um... Would you give me a hand with my hair?" Allen pointed to the back of his head, obviously having the pony-tail in mind, while he stuck out a pair of scissors in front of Lenalee with his other hand. "Somehow I can't get used to it."

The girl accepted the item. "Um, are you sure?"

"...I guess."

"Hmm..." Lenalee brought her index finger to her chin in a thoughtful manner. "But wouldn't you like to wait with that decision a bit more?"

"Huh?" Allen looked at her questioningly.

"Well... I mean, all the other effects that influenced us disappeared on their own, didn't they? What if it's the same with the hair, only that it lasts longer?"

"Now that you mention it..."

"I'm not saying that has to be true, of course, but you never know. Especially when it comes to my brother's experiments."

Allen let out a small chuckle. "You do have a point..."

"What if I gave you a cut and then your hair would shrink back to it's original length?" Lenalee was the one that let out a laugh this time. "Wouldn't that leave you bold?"

The boy's face expression turned from startled to horrified in a matter of seconds. ...He didn't even want to imagine that. "Y-You're right! I'll leave them as they are!" Allen caught his head in panic.

The female Exorcist chuckled at her friend's reaction. "Besides..." She suddenly started with a more gentle tone. "I think you look nice with long hair."

"Ah... Really?" Allen calmed down immediately, bringing his hand to scratch at the back of his head. Vaguely, somewhere in the back of his mind, he wondered what Kanda might have thought regarding the matter. "Thanks."

Lenalee only smiled back at him, returning the scissors.

After a couple of hours, Lavi came back to the cafeteria. Allen was nowhere to be seen this time, but the place was more lively than it was last time. It didn't take him long to notice the presence of Lenalee. Surprisingly enough, she was sitting with Kanda by the same table.

"What's up?" The red-head approached the two with a plate of his own and joined them.

"Lavi! Hello!" Lenalee gave the new guest a warm smile. She was sipping on her tea, apparently already done with her food. Kanda was somewhere in the middle of his soba dish, eating quietly with his eyes closed, looking indifferent to everything that was going on − as always.

Lavi had a feeling that no actual conversation had taken place before his appearance.

"We're almost done with the packing. Just a few more things and we're ready to go." The female Exorcist exclaimed cheerfully.

"Yeah, I'm also glad that's over with. Panda-jiji's load of books was such a pain." The red-head agreed. "And it's nice to hear you speak normally again." Lavi added, chuckling.

"Tell me about it." Lenalee laughed as well. "You guys were a sight to behold yourselves."

"Yeesh, don't even mention it..." The Bookman-apprentice went all gloomy all of a sudden, remembering how he had to wear Bookman's clothes. Well, at least he wasn't the only one who had the opportunity to go through the experience...

"Poor Allen's still under the effect of the potion, though..." The girl added suddenly, turning a tad more serious. "Thankfully, it's not anything harmful."

Lavi looked discreetly at Kanda the moment Lenalee mentioned Allen, curious if the name would bring up any kind of reaction from the dark-haired man. It wasn't really surprising that he did not get to see any.

"Yeah, but he had the most luck out of all of us, anyway, if you ask me." The red-head complained half-heartedly.

"True." The female Exorcist chuckled again.

And for a short moment the conversation had died.

"Speaking of Allen..." Lenalee brought the topic up again, sounding somewhat uncertain all of a sudden. "Don't you think there's something off with him lately?" She asked calmly, looking at the almost empty cup of tea she was holding in her hands. "I mean... I know he probably feels down because of the attack earlier, but... I feel as if he's hiding something from us."

You can't imagine... Was Lavi's immediate thought, and for once he didn't know if Lenalee noticing anything was a good thing or not. The whole issue with Kanda was one thing, true, but the future Bookman noticed way before that something else was bothering Allen as well. He wasn't sure what it was, but he didn't want to push things, especially after seeing how much the boy tried to hide it.

"Now that you mention it..." Lavi tried his best in giving the impression as if he didn't know a thing regarding the matter.

"Didn't you notice anything, Kanda?" Lenalee asked the other man curiously, surprising Lavi at the same time.

"I don't care." The dark-haired remarked rudely and stood up as if nothing, apparently having finished his meal, seeming irritated just from having to hear this whole conversation. The girl just stared at him in silence as he did so.

Lavi frowned at him. Kanda could at least try to be a bit more considerate of Lenalee, of all people. He acted as if he woke up by the wrong side of the bed every day, seriously. "You know, that's−"

"Everyone!" A sudden yell cut the red-head off.

Komui rushed into the cafeteria, catching the attention of all the people that were present there at the moment. He seemed serious.

"Nii-san?" Lenalee spoke uncertainly, awaiting an answer just like everyone else.

"It's an emergency! We need to evacuate!" The man yelled, trying to catch his breath. "We're under attack!"

"W-What?" A commotion broke out.

"Everyone, please listen!" Komui tried to calm the situation down. "We still haven't repaired the golems or communicators, so it will be difficult to notify everyone of the evacuation order! I ask of you to split up and look for anyone that might still be unaware of the situation!"

"Oh, boy..." Was all that Lavi managed to mutter out.

"We'll all meet at the Ark's Gate in ten minutes! Just please watch out for yourselves!"

Not even a whole five minutes have passed and a good deal of the Order's population − or rather, what was still left of it by now − was already present at the Gate. Komui gave the order of retreating to the Asian Branch as soon as one was ready, figuring that it was pointless to endanger both the Finders and Exorcists any longer.

Normally he would tell the Finders to retreat immediately and ask only the Exorcists to participate in the retrieval attempt, but even though he mentioned that the Order was under attack, he didn't give any details yet. The situation was different than last time − surprisingly enough, there were no Akuma involved. And the attack was mainly concentrated on Central, so...

"Nii-san!" Lenalee appeared beside her brother, apparently done with her share of searching. "Is everyone alright?"

"Yes, no wounded so far." Komui declared, counting people as they entered the Gate. Miranda, Bookman and Lavi were still waiting by the entrance, apparently on guard. "Together with you guys, I think everyone's gathered."

The female Exorcist looked around nervously. "Um... Where's Allen-kun?"

"Komui!" Kanda was the one to approach the supervisor this time. "The lotus!"

Although the dark-haired man caught both Lenalee's and her brother's attention, she didn't know what Kanda could have meant by that.

Komui just nodded in response, as if understanding the situation perfectly. "Just hurry."

The supervisor knew that of all the things, that was something Kanda really shouldn't leave this place without. Too bad they didn't think about it earlier.

Kanda rushed back in the direction of his room. Shit, if he knew this would happen, he'd think about moving the lotus sooner. But no, he just had to keep that damned flower where he could see it the whole time. Just because he wouldn't be able to rest properly if he didn't. Goddamn it all.

A sudden pressure on his shoulder made Kanda come back to reality.

"Hold on tight."

The voice belonged to Lenalee. She had her Innocence activated and raised into the air as soon as she was convinced that Kanda wouldn't fall out of her grasp.

Things would definitely go faster this way, she figured. And seeing that the dark-haired still needed to turn back and get something, lending him a hand was only natural. Even if Kanda wasn't fond of accepting help from others, he didn't have the time to complain right now, did he?

"Did you see Allen-kun anywhere?" The female Exorcist asked in a serious tone.

"I haven't." Came the immediate answer. "Hasn't he gone through the Gate yet?"

"...No." Lenalee sounded worried, but then determination was written all over her face. "Where do you want me to take you? I'm going to look for him."

Kanda didn't say anything for a moment, as if thinking about something.

"My room."

"Nii-san!"

Lenalee's voice caught Komui's attention immediately, as he rushed to her side at the speed of light. "Lenalee! Don't do that ever again! I was worried sick! How could you rush off without a word like that and−"

"Nii-san, please..." The female Exorcist smiled at him, but the smile was forced, and she seemed slightly irritated. They didn't have time for this nonsense. "This..." She changed the topic, refering to the item she was holding in her hands. "Kanda asked me to bring it to you." It was the hourglass.

"Ah, you have it..." Komui turned all serious again, looking at the imprisoned lotus flower. "And Kanda?"

"He said he'll go look for Allen-kun..." Lenalee explained, sounding worried. "I should go join him."

"No, you mustn't!" Komui shouted as soon as he understood his sister's intentions, but the girl didn't seem to listen, as she turned back in the direction she just came from. Activating her Innocence, she was ready to−

"Don't." Lenalee had no idea when her friend moved from his previous spot, but all of a sudden Lavi was standing in her way. "He'll find him − don't worry. We should stay here and wait for them instead of increasing the number of people to look for."

"Lavi..." The girl stared at the other, seriousness in her eyes.

Though Lenalee failed to understand why, the weird calmness the red-head said all that in had a big impact on her. There was just something convincing in those words, or rather behind them − something that assured her that her friend was right.

"I'm not leaving without them." The female Exorcist declared after a moment, deactivating her Innocence.

"That's the plan." Lavi only smiled at her, glad that Lenalee wasn't as stubborn as she tended to be.

Walker's room − it was only logical to look there first. Kanda stormed inside without warning, not caring about the other's privacy or whatnot - this wasn't the time to worry about such trivial matters. They needed to move - and they needed to move fast.

To his dissatisfaction, the room seemed to be empty.

Damn you, Moyashi... Where did you run off to at a time like this? Cursing under his breath, Kanda turned to leave, wondering where to look for his target next of all places.

A loud sound of something breaking, followed by glass scattering across the floor made him stop in his tracks, however. It was a matter of seconds before Kanda rushed into the bathroom that was connected to the room, since apparently that was the direction of the sound's source.

What the dark-haired man had the opportunity to see inside, however, was far from anything he expected to experience.

Well, he did find Allen, at least.

"What happened?" The voice left him a bit too concerned for his own liking, but he knew that wasn't the thing he should be worried about right now. If the sight of a broken mirror, blood-smeared sink and floor wasn't horrifying enough, the tear-strained face of the boy sitting there with his back pressed against the wall was enough to convince him.

Allen turned to look at him as soon as he heard the other's voice, seeming to be totally dumfounded from Kanda's sudden arrival.

"K-Kanda...? What..." He tried to speak, but he had a hard time trying, his voice coming out all shaky and raspy. "W-What are you doing here?"

"That's my line." The older man started to approach the other, both anger and worry written all over his face.

Was this his fault? Was it because of him? Kanda couldn't help but wonder whether he was somehow part of the reason Allen was in such a state right now. Fuck, he knew he was being a jerk, but... He wasn't acting cold in the past few days without a reason.

This, however... Was Walker really this weak?

"I-I..." Allen turned away from the man as soon as Kanda kneeled beside him, trying to hide his face, feeling stupid and embarrassed for even letting anyone see him in such an abominable state − let alone the dark-haired.

But no matter how hard he tried, the tears just wouldn't stop. And the biggest problem was that Allen was utterly clueless about the reason... He didn't even know why he was crying. He had no idea what was wrong with him all of a sudden.

One minute everything was okay, and the other, the sudden feeling of sadness overwhelmed him and everything went to shit. It fucking hurt so much that he couldn't put his own thoughts straight. The grief was eating his insides alive.

Somehow it felt similar to the pain he went through when Mana died...

And if things weren't bad enough, his hand suddenly... And the shadow in the mirror...

"Show me that." Kanda demanded, taking Allen's right hand in his, noticing just now that the boy was shaking all over. The wound on his palm didn't seem to be very deep, but it did bleed like a motherfucker, and most definitely was in need of being taken care of.

Couldn't you at least do that with your other hand? The man thought to himself in annoyance. If Moyashi was that eager to break mirrors with his bare hands then he sure as hell could do it in a way that wouldn't be of any harm to himself.

"Get up." Allen yelped as the other man pulled him up, bringing the boy's hand to the sink. The white-haired let out a pained hiss when Kanda let the water running, trying to get the wound cleaned.

"N-No− Leave that!" Allen started to struggle all of a sudden, trying to pull his hand back as if his life depended on it.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Kanda hissed, annoyed from the other's behavior. He was trying to help him, didn't that idiot get it? For God's sake, the things he needed to go through sometimes... Now all he was helping anyone with, was getting both of them all bloody and wet.

"P-Please..." The word left Allen's lips in such a cracking tone that it made Kanda stop with his attempts immediately. Oh hell, things were serious here...

I don't want you to see that... Please... Shaking, the boy fell to his knees, his right hand still in the other man's grasp. Kanda only stared at Allen in silence, apparently thinking what in heaven's sake to do with him now.

"K-Kanda... These... These t-tears..." Allen sobbed, trying his best to speak.

"Listen." The older man spoke in a surprisingly calm tone all of a sudden, kneeling beside the boy again.

The sound of ripping fabric reached Allen's ears shortly before he felt a cloth being wrapped around his hand.

"The Order's under attack and we need to get out of here as soon as possible." With one rough move, he finished binding the part of his ripped shirt around the boy's palm. Maybe it wasn't the best first-aid equipment on Earth, but it had to suffice for now. "So stop your whining and get a hold of yourself. We don't have time for this."

Allen sobbed again, bringing his left hand to his face, rubbing his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt shakily. "These tears... This sadness... It isn't mine... I... I don't know what this is... W-What the hell's wrong with me... I..."

"You're not making any sense." Kanda caught Allen by the shoulders, shaking him slightly. "Did you even understand what I said?"

"I'm not... the one who's crying. I..." He kept murmuring.

"Moyashi."

"I just..."

"...Walker!"

The boy went silent at the yell, his gaze glued to the floor the whole time. He just couldn't look Kanda in the eyes, not when he was like this... Not when he was so confused and scared and weak before the other man. ...Not when Kanda didn't understand.

"Five minutes..." Allen suddenly spoke, his voice coming out in a loud whisper. "Just give me five minutes..."

"The Enemy won't wait for us!" Kanda growled in annoyance.

"Just..."

"Stop it!"

The boy clenched his fist on the other's shirt tightly. Then there was a short pause, as Allen tried his best to calm down. "I don't want them to see me like this... Please..."

Kanda stared at him for a moment, not saying anything anymore. He really didn't get any of Allen's current behavior, but...

God has abandoned me, honestly...

"Three. And not a second longer." He pulled away from the other's grasp and stood up, turning in the direction of the entrance. "I swear I'm going to kick your ass for this later."

Allen almost felt like smiling. Almost.

The moment Kanda left the bathroom, he leaned against the nearest wall, sighing deeply. Shit, this had to be some kind of joke. What the hell was up with Walker all of a sudden? Well, he's seen him cry before − on their first mission, even, if he recalled correctly, when that lifeless doll fell into Allen's hands − but that time compared to this was Heaven compared to Hell.

It was the first time he's seen the younger Exorcist this torn and fragile.

What the hell gave him the stupid idea to leave the hourglass in Lenalee's hands and go looking for Walker himself? He shouldn't have cared. He didn't care. What was he doing here, for fuck's sake−

"Ghaaa...!" The sudden yell full of agony made Kanda snap out of his thoughts immediately, startling him on spot. For a moment he wanted to rush back into the bathroom and see if everything was alright − what the hell was wrong now − but he hesitated.

When the next shout of despair reached the man's ears, Kanda took of for the exit of the room without blinking twice. Allen screaming at the top of his lungs wasn't exactly something he would have fun listening to.

He didn't want to hear this.

A bit more than two minutes have passed when Allen rushed out of the room, passing by Kanda as if nothing. As the dark-haired noticed the other, he reached to grab him by the wrist instinctively. "Oi."

Allen seemed startled as he stopped and looked at him. "A-Ah... You're still here? I thought you left..."

"I gave you three minutes, didn't I? I keep my words." Kanda stared at the boy without blinking. Well, he seemed to be a bit more composed now, though his eyes were all red and puffy − from the crying, obviously. And that one tear that still trailed down his cheek wasn't making the picture any more pretty. "...You look horrible."

Allen just gave him a weak smile. "No time to worry about that now, is there?" His voice was hoarse.

The dark-haired didn't budge. "…Mind telling me what that whole fuss was about?"

"I'd tell you if I knew myself. Honest. Right now..." Allen wiped his face with his other hand hastily. "We'll talk about this later, okay?"

"What's taking them so long..." Lenalee whispered under her nose, tightening her grip on the hourglass that she was holding in her hands, though she was very careful not to damage it in any way.

"Well, speak of the devil." Lavi exclaimed happily as he stood up.

Allen and Kanda were finally there.

Lenalee blinked at her white-haired friend in confusion when he approached her. So did Lavi. That Allen didn't look too good was an understatement...

"Allen-kun? What hap−"

"Weeell, now that everyone's finally gathered," Komui suddenly interrupted with his loud tone. "Let us be going! We've wasted enough time as it is."

"Yeah, sorry to keep you waiting." Allen exclaimed, giving one of his genuine smiles.

"To the gate, to the gate." Komui grabbed his dear sister and the red-head by the shoulders and started to push them in said direction, brushing against the youngest Exorcist in the process.

"But Nii-san..."

"Geez, Komui..."

Kanda just gave his usual "che" and followed the three as if it were the most natural thing to do.

"I'm right behind you." Allen spoke in a reassuring tone, though his actions weren't matching his words at all. He just stood there with a smile on his face, as he watched everyone enter and disappear at the Ark's Gate.

'Don't follow us under any circumstances.

The Cental wants to have you locked.

I'll try to contact you.'

Allen folded the scrap of paper in his hand.

He knew exactly what this meant.

His time was up. He couldn't stay by everyone's side anymore. He couldn't return to his 'home' anymore. He had no idea what would await him now or in the near future, but one thing he was sure of − the life he had led as an Exorcist till now was gone forever.

Well... I guess this is goodbye.

At least for now.

Nayru's Note: Regarding this chapter − at least one thing might be a bit confusing when it comes to the plot here, but I promise there will be answers later on. I've been putting much thought into the whole plot and I hope it won't have many flaws compared to canon − at least when it comes to the 14th. But yes, most of these are just my own speculations, and I'm trying to make things work in the direction I want them to.

There's a small time-skip in this chapter, where the whole zombie invasion takes place in canon, just because I still wanted to include the occurrence itself in this story (I want the characters to have the memory of it happening). It's only shortly mentioned, since I didn't want to re-write the whole issue when it's all been presented in the manga.

Another thing is the issue of bathrooms inside the Order. I know that canon-wise there are no individual bathrooms connected to the rooms. However, because I wanted to make things more convenient for this story, everyone has a bathroom connected to their room here.
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