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Not an Angel	By : sashocirrione Category: Death Note > Yaoi-Male/Male > L/Light Views: 3629 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, and I do not make any money from these writings.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
Epilogue: Sleeping

Light was not sure exactly why his life had changed, but there was no denying it had. Absolutely everything was different. If he had been older, he knew he would have labeled it a mid-life crisis. If he'd been at all interested in religion, he knew he would have called it a spiritual experience. Whatever it was, it confused and scared the hell out of him.

Old priorities became meaningless almost overnight, while new habits and thoughts entered his life in strange and unexpected ways. The first and most obvious change was with Misa. Very suddenly, Light simply didn't know why he had put up with her for so many years.

It was wrong to use a woman, to take advantage of her feelings, and then to just throw her away. Light knew that and he tried to hold to his morals with a fierce determination, yet everything he did with Misa felt like a meaningless burden. Out of guilt and a sense of responsibility, he tried to make it work. The strain of keeping it up, of going through the motions, only became worse and worse.

They even endured the shame of visiting relationship counselors, but that didn't help in the slightest. Light's heart knew it was over. No, worse than that, he knew it had never actually begun. For some reason he couldn't fathom, he'd gone along with Misa's wishes for much longer than was reasonable or polite. Faking a relationship for about six years was going far beyond any level of politeness Light could imagine himself doing, and yet he'd somehow done it.

A mere two months after Light's big life change, as he'd come to think of it, he'd dumped Misa and moved out of their apartment. He wasn't proud of it, and it had serious consequences, but he breathed easier. Misa stalked him rather badly at first, but eventually the stalking softened to a tolerable level. It never really ended. Just when he would be thinking it was over, Misa would pop up again, in the form of harassing packages mailed to his workplace, or his mother's voicemail being filled with hours of drunken ramblings.

After the big life change, Light also found himself being interested in family time in a way he hadn't been for years. He supposed that maybe it was because of the Kira case ending. The the deaths had all mysteriously halted, and soon after the NPA didn't want to pay salaries for six officers to do nothing other than comb over old Kira data. All the detectives were re-assigned to normal caseloads.

Why had he become so distant from his family in the first place? Why had his habitual thoughts and actions become so disdainful? It seemed wrong and shameful. To make up for years of neglect, he threw himself into family dinners, special outings with his father, and lots of hours caring for his sister, pushing her wheelchair around and feeling immensely guilty for neglecting her and for not feeling sorry before.

Perhaps his heart had frozen, caught up in the cruelties of the Kira case, and it hadn't been able to unfreeze until the Kira case had dissipated.

Yes, that had to be it.

But there was also another element in his life, one that grew more and more important with time. It was a thing that nobody could see, a thing that claimed to be L's ghost. Light could feel it physically, though, and sometimes the thing let him see it indirectly, like the time when it dumped an entire bag of powdered sugar over itself. The shape of its face and body did resemble L, and its mannerisms were similar, and it seemed to know many things that L should know, but there were bandages covering its body like a mummy, and wings on its back.

Was it an angel? Was it a ghost? Was it a shinigami? Those were the three possibilities that constantly ran through Light's mind once he'd come to accept that it wasn't a mental illness, a product of his own deranged mind. This L-thing was certainly real, that was the only solid conclusion. It was shy around others, but it did affect things in ways that Light couldn't do himself.

The L-thing made Light reserve computers and electronic equipment especially for it, and it set up the business of being L, taking cases and communicating with the outside world through a program that converted typed words into a voice exactly like the original L's electronic scrambled voice. Light helped with the detective work, but the L-thing also did a great deal of work by itself, while Light was sleeping. It did not seem to need sleep.

Light couldn't quite believe that this "L" was a ghost. It seemed a hundred times more capable, solid and reliable than any report Light could track down about supposed real-world ghosts. If ghosts existed and could do such things, simply setting up a life again for themselves, it seemed that proof of that fact shouldn't be hard to obtain.

The idea of a shinigami made more sense. After all, there had been the shinigami Rem, associated with the Kira case. Light couldn't remember what she'd looked like. He supposed the events surrounding the deaths of L and Watari had been so traumatic that he'd driven large pieces of the memories out of his mind. However, he remembered plenty of conversations the others had had about her, and she supposedly had wings.

But the L-creature that Light shared his life with didn't like that idea.

Whenever Light asked, "L, are you a shinigami?," it would reply by writing or typing something such as, "No, I am a ghost. A shinigami is a monster that kills people. I am not a monster and I am not a killer. Therefore, I'm a ghost."

Was it an angel? That thought almost made Light laugh, though it wouldn't go away entirely. Perhaps it was something like the western idea of a guardian angel, determined to guide him along the proper path in life? The L-thing certainly had a lot of strong ideas about justice.

But when Light was writhing underneath it in bed, letting it do such pleasurable things to him, asking it for more and more, reveling in the boldness and shamelessness of the creature and loving every minute of it, he would think to himself:

No, this is certainly not an angel.

A/N (Author's Note):

Well, that's the very last chapter and I hope you liked it. I had a lot of the plot occur behind the scenes so that I could have a faux-complex storyline, where implied complexities are happening out of sight. We never find out what Light's supposedly perfect complicated plan was, the one that he needed so many death notes for. We also never find out exactly how L managed to get all those notebooks and destroy them. We only know that L did win somehow.

I did it that way because I'm lazy and I wanted to tell this particular story without adding many thousands of words to it just for the sake of plot. To tell the truth, I don't actually know how those off-screen plot points happened, because I didn't bother to figure them out. So, they are unknown to everyone.

I also decided that L would not like being labeled a shinigami, and that he would do something such as refusing to self-identify as one. So, since L was a human and died, which kind of meets the criteria for a ghost, and since he refuses to do what a shinigami does, which is to attempt to own a death note and kill people, he deduces that calling himself a ghost is a legitimate form of self-identification.
- 6
- 7
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Not an Angel