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Crazy Sunshine	By : sic-boi Category: +. to F > Blue Exorcist (Ao no Ekusoshisuto) > Blue Exorcist (Ao no Ekusoshisuto) Views: 2408 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Ao no Exorcist (c) Kazue Kato/this is a nonprofit project

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
Chapter 7

People generally do one thing when something goes terribly wrong: run. Kids run to their parents when they fall down or need guidance, troubled alcoholics flee to places with more booze, people scatter when there's a shoot out, and then there's that one guy who just keeps on running. I didn't want to be that guy. I just wanted move on, but I didn't want to ignore my problems. If my insurance didn't cover counseling or medication, then I'd get an extra job or two. If I had to commit to a gym membership or join a sports team just to release my endorphins, then I'd buckle down and work my skinny ass off until I suffered my first stroke. Even if it meant working multiple jobs just to occupy my mind, I'd work graveyard and overtime for the rest of my miserable life. I'd do it all, but I didn't know where to begin. That seemed to be the hardest part. For most people, they just get going and suffer partway or near the end. But for me, it's always about the beginning.

I should have dreamed of the labyrinth that night. Having had the same exact dream over a long period time, I knew when to expect it. Whenever I felt disturbed or scared, I burned in that fire like a cadaver. It always felt like some sort of spiritual cleansing because I'd wake the next day no longer burdened by the events from the previous night. So I knew—something would happen, but it wouldn't be good.

The room was freezing cold. I could see my breaths each time I exhaled and the hairs on my arms stood up. There was total silence. No wind, no traffic, no rustling leaves; just complete silence. It took some time before my eyes adjusted to the darkness, and once they did, I realized I was at home. I pressed on through the threshold until I came across the living room fireplace. There was an energy to the spot like something had drawn me to it. Squatting down, I dipped my fingers in the charcoal black soot and drew a cross on the slab of concrete lining the hearth. It didn't look right because I had drawn the horizontal line too far below the point where it should have been; it was almost as if it were upside down.

Suddenly the floorboards began to rattle beneath me. I ran for cover, convinced there was an earthquake, but then I noticed a shapeless dark mass drifting towards me from down the hall. Before, I could clearly see a stream of moonlight seeping from the room I had initially been in, but now, it was pitch black. I froze, literally unable to react with words. For the first time ever, fear overrode my ability to even make a sound.

The black mass was surely a few body lengths away when I finally pulled out of the trance and ran for the door, but the damn thing wouldn't open. I tried kicking it down and ramming my shoulder against it until I panicked and opted for another exit. I recklessly skidded across the kitchen counter and kicked out the window overlooking the sink. I damn near broke my ankle when I leaped out into the field. After recovering as fast as I could, I pushed to my feet and made a run for it. When my legs were finally threatening to give out from under me, I turned around to see if I had been followed. In the distance, I could see that the house was still and the night was quiet. I didn't dare go back. Instead, I pressed on through the open field until the house was out of sight.

It was all so lucid—the visuals, the sounds, the pain, the fear; it felt so real. It was powdered in emotion. I knew firsthand what it was like to be scared in your own home and that dream served as a reminder. You constantly worry about someone in the house hurting you, so you lose sleep over it because you're afraid they'll come to you in the middle of the night while everyone else pretends to sleep. Or when you're the only other person in the house and you're not allowed to go anywhere, you hide, hoping they're too wasted or just not in the mood to pull you out from under the bed. You know better than to hide there, but you're too scared to leave your room. You'll get in even more trouble if you try to hide anywhere else.

I wasn't sure what would've happened if I had stayed in that nightmare house. I didn't want to know, so I thought of a box and locked that memory deep inside. I've never opened it since.

School had finally ended and because the seniors were released a week earlier than everyone else, most spent the last day celebrating. Bon wanted me to eat sukiyaki with him because we hardly had any time to hang out with all the final exams going on at the end of the year, but even when I did have a few hours to spare, I avoided him completely. I didn't want to believe that I couldn't trust Bon, but I felt uncertain about everything. I wouldn't let myself become vulnerable ever again.

I was on my way home as usual, cutting through an alley to avoid foot traffic, when Bon suddenly stepped out from behind a dumpster and caught me by the collar.

"What the fuck?" I yelled. He really startled me, but I wasn't scared.

"Why the hell have you been ignoring me?" he demanded as he released me.

I took a step back and looked off to the side like he'd gone mad: "I dunno what you're talking about."

"Don't bullshit me, Rin. That's all you've been doing since graduation."

He didn't understand and I didn't expect him to, but it was beginning to piss me off. In fact, I was so irked that I had to walk away until he caught me by the arm. "Get your fucking hands off me," I snapped.

"I'm not scared of you—you run away from your problems and the people who care about you."

I relaxed and sighed, slipping my arm from his grip until he clutched my hand. Just when he thought I had admitted defeat, I pivoted to the right and jerked him towards me by the wrist, following it up with a sharp backhand to the face. He fell back stunned, landing flat on his ass. When he finally reached for his cheek it was already bright red.

"I wasn't fucking around when I told you to let go," I said lowly.

He suddenly lunged at me from his grounded position and tackled me to the floor. It damn near knocked the wind outta me when we hit the ground because I made impact first and Bon followed after, crushing me with about two-hundred pounds of force. We grappled a bit, getting in a few punches here and there, until I mustered my strength into a headbutt. It met his mouth, sending a jolt of pain to my forehead. I quickly regretted it because it was literally like taking a fucking brick to the head, but it was too late to do anything else. I fell back and clutched my forehead as Bon stumbled in the other direction. We must have looked really stupid then, lying there like two assholes trying to catch our breaths after a candy ass brawl.

"What the hell are we doing, Rin? Why are we fighting?" Bon panted.

"You tell me you crazy motherfucker."

We went silent for a moment, letting our heads cool as we trained our hard gazes on each other.

"Not gonna lie Rin—you look like absolute shit right now," he spat out blood and wiped it away with a smug grin on his face.

"I could say the same for your ugly ass," I laughed.

"Fuck you!"

It took some time, but once I was sure I could see straight, I pushed to my feet and offered Bon my hand. After heaving him to his feet, I offered to make him dinner and tend to his wounds. We had Sukiyaki, but apparently that wouldn't suffice as an apology.

"Are you still angry about me bitch slapping you? I said I was sorry."

"Fuck off, Rin. You know why I'm mad."

"Well, if Sukiyaki won't change your mind then I know a certain sudsy cure-all that'll help loosen that tight ass up."

I got up from the couch and sauntered over to the kitchen to retrieve two chilly drinking glasses along with two bottles of Kirin Ichiban from the ice box.

"Where the hell did you get that? You're not old enough to drink," asked Bon.

"The store—duh," I replied, setting down the glasses on the table. I snapped open the beer with the handle of a drawer and poured them carefully into the glassware before handing one off to Bon. He took the glass reluctantly, but held it up anyway.

"Cheers."

We toasted and drank ourselves silly. At least I did anyway. I woke up pretty damn early the next morning, feeling like a bag shit. I've never gotten so hammered that I woke up with a hangover, so I called the only person who probably knew more about it.

"Bon! I'm fucking wrecked, man—what do I do?"

"Go back to sleep, Rin. It's five in the goddamn morning."

"But I'm nauseous and my throat is dry," I whined.

"Just drink some water and go back to sleep. And take some alka-seltzer or paracetamol while you're at it. I'm hanging up now."

"Wait! Para-what?"

He hung up and I groaned into my pillow. I didn't have whatever the hell he was talking about, so I pulled on my sweats and a jacket and headed out to the convenience store a couple blocks down the street. I knew the guy who manned the place because he and I worked together packaging food for an airline until Japan slid into recession. That was my first job before I started working as a cook. And ever since he started manning the store, I came by frequently for doughnuts and coffee after work. You'd think I'd get tired of the same thing everyday, but after a while, his coffee made everything else taste like piss.

"Hey, Kyodo." I said, shaking hands with the clerk.

"For the love of—what the hell happened to you this time?"

"I got hammered last night."

"I can see that, but what happen to your fucking face? Did you get into another fight?"

"No, I fell down the stairs," I replied—real sarcastic.

He smacked my head and frowned; "Don't give me that shit, smartass. Seriously, one of these days you're gonna regret fighting. Don't do it if you don't have to."

I got quiet and looked down at my shoes.

"Anyway, is that bum who hangs around here buying beer for you again? I told that asshole he could stay if he promised not to do that anymore. People probably think I sell booze to kids," Kyodo groaned.

I laughed weakly and suddenly everything started to spin. My legs became shaky and I soon doubled over.

I woke up in Kyodo's place a little while later. The blaring white of the stucco ceiling hurt to look at, so I turned towards the back of the couch and mashed my face into the soft black leather.

"Hey man, you awake?" I heard from above.

"Huh?" I croaked, feeling the intense burn in my head.

"Here—take some of this," he said, handing me a glass of water and some medicine. I popped in the pills and chugged the water like I'd been trekking the Sahara.

"I made you some rice porridge and bought plenty of 7up. I think you've got the 24 hour flu."

I groaned in response and settled back onto the couch, pulling the comforters over me.

"Here's the controller. You can play games or watch anime on the browser. It's finally working again."

"Where are you going?" I uttered wearily.

"I need to call in someone to take over the store."

And for the rest of the weekend I laid around all day on the couch and watched trashy television with Kyodo. He was right about me having the 24 hour flu; I was well rested and ready to start working again the following week. It was nice being able to sleep in without worrying about work or avoiding people. That was until Bon called me up after my evening shift. He wanted to meet up at a fast food place to talk. I was reluctant with it being so dark out, but he offered to pay for my meal.

It was pretty late when I got there. I poked fun as usual, making shitty jokes just to get a laugh outta him, but the graveness on his face damn well put me in my place. We bought our food together without exchanging any words and when we returned to our seats far off in the corner, I made a few more futile attempts to lighten the mood when I knew I really shouldn't have.

"Ah, nothing like a romantic night out at Freckle Bitches."

"Rin, do you remember the day of our fight?"

"Of course I do. I still have all my goddamn bruises," I grunted, pointing them out.

"That's not what I meant. Do you remember what you told me after we started drinking?"

I went silent, carefully watching his face. He really was being serious; "We didn't do anything gay, did we? Listen, I-"

"No, you listen! That night when you were drunk, you told me something seriously fucked up and I can't just sit here and pretend it didn't happen! Maybe you don't remember it, but I sure as hell do!"

"Stop yelling, Bon. I'm sitting a fucking foot away from you," I said irritably.

We both looked over at the employees peering back at us.

Bon sighed heavily and lowered his voice, "Alright. Card's on the table, Rin: did Shima hurt you?"

I dropped the burger I was eating on my lap. "Fuck," I muttered. I eagerly wiped away the grease on my uniform with a napkin, trying to prolong the endeavor, but I knew Bon's patience was wearing thin. I felt his hard stare on me as I got up to use the bathroom. He came in after me, watching as I washed the grease stain on my shirt. We were there for a while until I finally lost my temper.

"Stop staring at me!" I barked out, tugging my shirt off and slamming it into the sink.

"I'm waiting for an answer, Rin."

My eyes were beginning to water. I went back to trying to clean my shirt, scrubbing the goddamn thing as hard as I could. "It won't come out, it won't come out—why won't this fucking stain come out!"

Bon pulled my hands out from under the water when he noticed they had become bright red. I struggled, yelling at him to let go, but he held me steadfast until I gave up and started to cry.

"I'm sorry, Rin. I knew something was wrong at graduation, but I let you go anyway. I promise you, we'll get him."

"You don't understand . . . You can't tell anyone!" I choked out through a sob.

"And you're okay with him just getting away with it like that? What if he hurts you again?"

"He won't. Not unless I get in his way," I said wiping my cheeks with the back of my hand.

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"What do you think it means?"

He grew quiet, mulling it over until he finally looked back at me and broke the silence: "Izumo."

Bon never brought it up again after that. There was nothing he could do especially since I didn't want him to do anything about it. I only wanted to forget and to move on, but I couldn't. It's said that the only way to overcome your fears is not to escape them, but to face them. It wasn't that simple though. I'd have to come out alive after a goddamn shitstorm to overcome my greatest fears.

Life was alright for a while. I worked, ate, shit, pissed, masturbated, and continued that awful cycle well into the Fall. It was Halloween when I finally took some time off from my job. My buddies from work asked me to join them for a test of courage at Aokigahara: a forest located at the base of Mt. Fuji. Naturally, I was hesitant because I'd heard stories of what went on in there. Even the government was reluctant to talk about it, but that was the point: to face my fears.

I went along anyway, thinking it'd be alright if I just dropped a text to Bon and Kyodo. I also brought along my cell phone, but little did I know, there was absolutely no reception at that damn forest. In fact, my phone completely gave out on me even though I had charged it before I left. Though, that wasn't what had me second guessing myself. At the mouth of the forest, there was an actual sign that read: "Think one more time. Please reach out for help." -Suicide Prevention Dept." I was so fucking spooked—I really wanted to back out and wait for them in the car, but I would be all by myself if I didn't go. So I said 'fuck it' and went in after them. And just as I started towards the group, in the corner of my eye I saw what looked like a guy crossing the parking lot. I even asked my co-workers if they invited someone else to verify what I'd seen, but they said it would be just us four. Sure it was creepy, but it was Halloween after all. It was likely that we wouldn't be the only ones there.

The place was literally a sea of trees. It was just so dense that even the moonlight couldn't penetrate the forest. I could immediately see how anyone could lose their bearings. And then there was that eerie silence to the place. No animals, no rustling of the trees, no wind, just complete and utter silence. On our way, the guys talked about how the Yakuza was rumored to dump bodies in the forest; they also mentioned how there were probably numerous suicide victims that have yet to be discovered. If there was a tent around, that meant the owner still hadn't been found. That made me sick to my stomach. I didn't want to come across a decaying corpse during my 'test of courage'.

"You guys, I can't do this. I'm gonna try to contact a taxi at the pay phone."

They were a bit concerned about letting me go back by myself especially since we'd hiked pretty far through the forest's interior, but I wouldn't take no for an answer so I took off as fast as I could. I just kept running and running in the general direction I thought I had come from. The sprint didn't last very long though. I collided into something head on and it left me seeing stars.

"Shit, man. That fucking hurt," I muttered to myself.

"Rin . . ."

I looked up after hearing my name called and like my dream, fear overrode my ability to voice the sheer terror I felt at that moment. It was Shima.

He reached out to me and I scrambled backwards in the direction of which I had been running from. I managed to push to my feet, but he caught me from behind. Rather than leaving an opening to injure him again, the bastard threw me face down to the ground and held me in a reverse wrist-lock. I kept struggling and twisting in his grip until he grabbed a fistful of my hair and slammed my face against the dirt. I screamed and convulsed and he did it again until I quieted down. My nose was definitely busted and I could no longer see through my left eye.

"You should think twice about letting others know of your whereabouts. It might seem like a good idea in case anything bad happens, but it's also an invitation for misfortune."

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, I guess you didn't realize that you sent your oh so convenient text to me, Renzo, rather than Ryuji. Why do you even have us under our first names anyway?"

"Why are you doing this?" I demanded in the most authoritative tone I could gather. There was no room for fear—not now.

He smothered my face against the ground and gave an easy laugh. "I liked you Rin, but you're all Izumo talks and thinks about. She even screamed your name when I went down on her for the first time and that really pissed me off."

"W-went down . . . ? You fucked her?" I screamed.

"She really got into it, pushing herself onto me when I ate her out. Virgin pussy tastes the sweetest, y'know? Oh wait, I forgot you walked out on her you goddamn fag."

"You fucking bastard!" I retorted.

"Oh, don't act like you care. You're a fucking bullshitter, Rin. You always were."

I was shaking uncontrollably by then. He had gotten to me. I felt the guilt and regret crashing over me like a tsunami. It was my fault a rapist was with Izumo. If only I had just been honest and open, none of this would have happened. "I didn't mean for things to play out the way they did . . . I didn't mean for Izumo to get hurt and for you to turn into a fucking monster!"

"It's too late for apologies. Bottom line is: you're in the way and I have to do something about it."

I paused and realized at once that I was probably going to die there. "I don't wanna die here, Shima. Please. I have to see Yukio again!"

He went silent for a moment, briefly pondering over my plea, but surely he was just playing with my feelings. He was obsessively in love with Izumo and nothing would stop him from winning her over completely. "My mind's made up, Rin. You're going to commit suicide in this forest and somebody, maybe your friends even, will come across your hanging body."

I went pale at that and for the first time ever, I prayed to god. I asked him: "Please God, don't let me die here. I just wanna see the sun come up again. Just one more day-just one more."

Shima wasted no time heeding my pleas; he dragged me to a tree he had set up with a rope hanging off a thick limb. I kept on screaming until I eventually blacked out. At that point, I thought I was dead. Nothing but sheer darkness after a never ending nightmare. Man, what a way to go. And then images appeared within the void, rolling in and out of color and flickering like an old film. Memories I'd never known before suddenly came to me: I saw myself as a little tike playing on a tire swing while a kid with moles on his face cried on the ground because the swing had hit him. There was an old priest who came over and comforted him while I laughed maniacally like a little gremlin. That was definitely me, alright. As for the other two, I had an idea of who they might be, but that was impossible. I've never known Yukio nor my own father as a kid. So why did this obscure memory feel like my own? I pondered that briefly until the film came to an end and everything around me faded into black.

I woke up on the ground to a horrible smell like copper or some sort of ore and burnt flesh. For the first time, I could heard trees rustling and birds squawking in the foreground. When I rubbed my face with my hand, I felt something wet against my skin. My eyes began to burn so I tried rubbing them with the sleeve of my shirt; that was an action I'd soon come to regret. My vision was red when I finally opened up my eyes. I just kept blinking 'til I found a dry part of my shirt to clear up my sight. Then, I just knelt there, frozen as a dangerous clarity returned to me.

My palms and clothes were literally saturated in red. Panning the scene in a bit of a panic, I discovered trails laced in the same fluids. The dirt was broken in various places and some trees were charred or fallen over. I screamed and hastily got to my feet, and in the distance, I found a mutilated body. It was severely burned, the face was disfigured, and the organs were strewn around the tree it was lying against. I puked until I started dry heaving, and when I finally recovered, I shook violently at the horrifying sight. Still, out of morbid curiosity, I looked again to see if I could identify the body. Suddenly, I recognized the pink hair spattered in dirt and blood. I brought my trembling hand to my mouth and fell to my knees, gagging until I regained enough composure to leave the scene. When I turned back to take one last look, I understood at once what the dream from that night foretold: there was a massive upside down cross drawn in the victim's blood and Shima was at the center of it.
- 6
- 7
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Crazy Sunshine