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Fight Me, Bite Me	By : Rhov Category: +. to F > Fairy Tail Views: 39446 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 3
Disclaimer: Fairy Tail is the property of Hiro Mashima. I make no money, I just do this for my own pleasure.

Chapter List
- 71
- 72
- 73
Audio Drama: I had fun with sound effects and layering voices. I also made the most ADORBABLE baby-talk ever... yes, that's me babbling cutely in the audio:
https://chirb.it/kEwzKd
Chapter 72
Stormy Blue Eyes

The next day, Gray and Natsu arrived in Fairy Tail with Happy flying above, only to see the guild in chaos. It was not even the normal fights and flinging insults. The whole guild was abuzz, and half of them had gathered around a table. Women were cooing, men were muttering, and as Gray walked in, all eyes turned to him.
"Free drinks for the new father," someone yelled.
"He probably needs it," someone else laughed.
Gray felt his stomach plunge. "Shit, they know."
Lucy suddenly ran up to them, but rather than laughing, she looked worried. She grabbed Natsu's hand and looked right at him. "Are you okay?" she whispered.
"What?" He leaned away from her delving gaze.
"The baby." She looked over to Gray. "Is it true? Is he really … yours?"
Gray could only nod, still not really settled into the idea.
"Did you know all this time?"
"No, not until yesterday. Are they here?"
Lucy pulled them over to the bar, and Mira gave him a smile.
"Congratulations, Gray. Rather a shock."
"Tell me about it," he grumbled. Then a young woman timidly came over wearing the Fairy Tail staff uniform and looking self-conscious in the short skirt. "Emilia," Gray whispered. His throat tighten up. He had told her she could find a job here, but it was still awkward to have his ex-girlfriend and current boyfriend meet like this.
"Hi, Gray," she said, also looking awkward. Her eyes slipped over to Natsu, and by the protective stare, she could tell who he was. "Your boyfriend?"
"Ah, u-um … yeah. Natsu, Emilia," he introduced.
Natsu sniffed, and his eyes narrowed at her. Gray cringed, hoping that, at the very least, the Fire Dragon Slayer would not challenge a simple, ordinary, non-magical woman to a fight.
"So," he said, turning back to her, "they put you to work right away, huh?"
Mira laughed. "She's a little clumsy, but she said you recommended her. I wouldn't normally take on a new staff member just because they say they know someone in the guild, but … well, one look at that baby and everyone could tell."
Gray glanced over to the bassinet that had a crowd around it. "Yeah, it's pretty obvious." He heard another sniff beside him and glanced over to Natsu. His nose was working, and suddenly he left Gray's side to join the rest gathered around the baby. "Oh boy," Gray muttered, but he left Natsu to sort this out for himself.
"How are you today?" Emilia asked Gray.
He let out a sputtering sigh. "Still shocked. Better, though. I hope the guild wasn't too wild when you first got here. They can be rather … enthusiastic."
She giggled and blushed. "Yes, it'll take some getting used to." She suddenly straightened up, trying to act the part of her new job. "May I get you a drink?"
He shrugged. "Sure. I know it's only noon, but how about a beer?"
She flashed a smile. "One beer, coming up!"
Emilia pulled out a glass, filled it with beer, but as she set it down in front of Gray, the glass tipped and a little sloshed out.
"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!"
"Hey, it happens, you're new still," Gray said to keep her calm.
She grabbed a towel to clean it up, but she hit the glass, knocked it over, and beer spilled all over the counter. Gray leaped back to not end up with a lap full of alcohol. The glass rolled over the bar counter, Emilia dove forward to grab it, yet before her fingers reached the cup, it fell and shattered to the ground.
"Noooo!" she cried out frantically. Her head dropped to the bar in defeat. "I'm so sorry."
Mira patted her on the shoulder. "Maybe you need a little break."
She jolted up, her face solid red with embarrassment, but her eyes looked terrified. "No, I … I can do this. Please, give me a chance," she begged. "I've never worked in foods before. I'm more of an accountant."
Mira's eyes lit up. "Accountant? You should have said something earlier. I absolutely hate dealing with the guild's finances," she said with a light laugh. "Fairy Tail has many expenses, especially since we break so much furniture and have to pay back villages that get destroyed by certain wizards." She shot a devilish glare at Gray.
"Hey, don't blame me for that flame-brain," Gray said defensively.
"I could really use someone who knows how to use a ledger, sort out operation expenses, and create a P&L statement that we can show to the Magic Council."
Emilia gasped with a gleam of excitement in her eyes. "Oh! I know how to do that. My last job—"
"Say no more." Mira pointed to the sky and cried out like a shout to march forward into battle, "To the accounting room!" She grabbed Emilia's hand and excitedly pulled the lady away from the bar.
Emilia stumbled after her. "Th-That's … generous … Gray, we'll talk later," she shouted as Mira yanked her to the back rooms of the guild.
He sighed, but he was glad to see that she was settling in. He was not sure if he liked the idea of seeing her all the time, but if she was in the back working on finances, maybe he would only run into her occasionally.
With her gone and his beer spilled, Gray walked over to the bassinet. People eagerly let him through, a few patted him on the back, there were more congratulations, and each stung him.
"Gray, this is really exciting." Yeah, okay, it's not you who got surprised with a lovechild.
"Knew you had it in you." What the hell does that mean?
"Hey, congrats on being a father." As if this was my choice!
He tried to shut down that negative side. It was partly his fault, after all. He had to accept that, as much as he wanted to believe this was all a prank. When he got up to the bassinet and peered in at the baby laughing at all the excitement, he knew there was no way this was a horrible hoax.
Those were his eyes!
"Gray Junior is so adorable," Levy cooed, smitten by the baby's babbling.
Gray cringed inside at that name. It made this seem even more real.
Gray reached Natsu and desperately grabbed his hand. He was shaking inside, but he needed to face this reality. When he looked over at the Dragon Slayer, though, he saw rage in his eyes.
"Natsu?" he whispered, worried if he was about to have another emotional breakdown.
Natsu inhaled sharply, and his eyes narrowed even more. "Did you ask that lady anything more?" he said, but Gray heard tension in his voice.
"I didn't get a chance. Mira pulled her into the accounting room." Gray looked over to Bisca. "Hey, uh … can you tell how old he is?"
Max teasingly called out, "Can't count nine months, Gray?"
"I don't exactly remember when I was with her, jerk," he snapped.
Bisca told Gray, "Emilia said he was ten months old, although he looks small. May I pick him up?"
He was stunned. Why ask me? Oh, that's right. Because I'm the father … shit… "Yeah, I guess it's okay."
Bisca lifted the baby up, but she instantly looked concerned. "Whoa! Oh, he's very light for his age."
Gray frowned, already worried. "Emilia was in some financial hardship. Maybe she couldn't feed him properly."
"Breast milk is free, silly." She tugged the baby's mouth open. "Come on, open up." The baby babbled to her, looking at her finger as if confused why it did not look like his bottle or pacifier. "Open wide," she urged, and the baby made a surprised coo as she tugged his mouth down and peered in. Bisca again had a worry in her eyes. "He's got a few teeth, but not as many as I would expect."
"Is that bad?" Gray asked anxiously.
"Not bad, just odd."
She asked Max to sweep the floor in front of them, to make sure no food crumbs or dirt from boots was on the ground. Bisca set the baby on the floor to crawl, even calling him over to her, but he struggled to go forward. His whole body collapsed down, and he babbled as he pushed himself up to try again, tiny arms and legs going slowly. The furrow in Bisca's brow deepened.
"His motor skills aren't what one would expect for ten months. He should be crawling faster." She gave the baby her hands and tried to pull him to stand up. "Come on, standy-time. Stand up." Instead, he grew fussy and began to cry. Bisca pulled the baby up into her arms and comforted him. "He doesn't like to stand. That's…" She stopped short, not wanting to worry Gray more. "Well, late bloomers aren't uncommon." She recited something all of her child care books had repeated. "All babies develop at their own pace."
Elfman puffed out his chest. "He needs manly food. Steak!"
Evergreen smacked him across the head. "He can't eat steak, you idiot. He's a baby."
Bisca smiled over at Gray. "If he's malnourished, that explains things. I can read in my parenting books on what are the best supplements to help him put on some weight. He just needs more muscle tone and strength, and then he'll be crawling all over in no time."
Elfman grinned. "Muscles are manly."
Erza came forward. "He may be a little behind now, but he'll grow to be strong." She draped an arm around Gray. "This must be a shock."
"Yeah," he muttered, looking at the baby in Bisca's arms, unable to process why the child looked so much like his own baby pictures.
"You're handling it well. Still, you and Natsu should have a talk."
"We did…" He looked over to where Natsu had been standing, but he was gone. "Where did he go?"
"Sulking in a corner. This is understandably hard for him to accept."
Gray saw Natsu slouched on a bench, with Lucy trying to talk to him. His eyes dropped, pitying his boyfriend who had to face something like this. If tables were turned, if it was Natsu who suddenly had a lovechild, how would he react? Probably mad, depressed, worried about the future … much like how he was feeling now.
"Too bad Wendy isn't here," said Erza. "She would know how to cheer him up."
Bisca hummed. "I wonder if she could do anything to help the baby's muscle growth. If he was malnourished, she could probably heal the damages to his development."
"Where is she?" asked Gray.
"Visiting Sherria Blendy," said Bisca. "She should be back in a few days." She held the baby out to him. "Would you like to hold him?"
Gray backed away with his hands up. "Whoa, no way! I don't know how to hold a baby."
"You've held Happy, and he's about the same size."
"Aye, sir!" said Happy. "Try it, Gray."
Others shouted at him to hold the baby. Gray cringed, but then Alzack brought a chair over.
"You can sit and put him on your lap, if you're worried about dropping him." He chuckled and admitted, "I was the same when Asuka was born, terrified I'd hurt her or drop her, so I understand."
He felt a little better knowing he was not just being a coward. So Gray sat, and Bisca put the baby on his lap. She instructed him to hold him around the waist, since he was a little wobbly. Gray did, and the baby sat there, babbling and clapping.
"Good job, Daddy," Bisca praised.
"Please don't call me that," Gray muttered, cringing at a title he felt he did not deserve.
"How about you feed him?" Bisca brought forward a bottle. "You know, now that I think about it, Emilia said something about how she had trouble producing milk, so he's been on formula. If she could not produce enough breast milk to feed him and could not afford formula, that would explain the developmental issues."
Gray felt a strong, sharp pain of anxiety. "Will that cause long-term problems?" Was this how fathers felt when their child was sick?
Bisca gave him an apologetic shrug. "It's hard to say, but if there's anything at all wrong, I'm confident that Wendy can help."
Alzack patted Gray's shoulder. "We'll make sure he's fed from now on. Don't you worry. After all, this is the child of a guild member!"
As if to agree, the baby boy blew raspberries at all of them. While it made some giggle, Alzack looked proud.
"So, he's part of our whole family now."
"That's right!" people shouted throughout the crowd.
"Thanks," Gray muttered, glad for their support, but he still felt disconnected from reality. He was holding a baby, but it was hard to accept that this was his baby.
He put the bottle to the boy's mouth, guided by Bisca on what to do. The baby eagerly grabbed hold to suckle it. Gray laughed awkwardly as he heard the slurp slurp slurp of the baby bottle.
"That's … sorta cute," he said, feeling his heart and his cheeks warm up.
Laki cooed, "Oh, we need a baby shower party."
"Party!" Levi cheered.
Erza rubbed her chin. "I should go shopping. My gift has to be meaningful but useful."
Bisca laughed. "You're so serious, Erza. I'll go shopping with you and help you out." She muttered under her breath, "So you don't buy the baby a miniature sword."
Gray heard their discussions around him, but his focus was purely on the baby.
His baby.
A smile twitched on his lips, and a sense of pride surged in him. Maybe he had no choice in the matter, but the baby existed. Tears battled on his eyes, but he won the fight to keep them at bay.
The baby looked up at him, and Gray gazed right into those stormy blue eyes. This time, rather than panicking, he smiled warmly.
His son!
Across the guild, Lucy shook her head as she listened to Natsu. "Look, I get that you're upset, but you can't take it out on Emilia. She did nothing wrong by choosing to have her baby."
"It's n-…" Natsu snapped back his words as his teeth clenched. "I'm just saying, we know nothing about her, and we're letting her into the guild."
"We know she's starved, she was desperate enough to come all the way to Magnolia to search for Gray, and she has a baby to feed. Isn't that enough?"
"No!" he snapped, shocking Lucy. When had Natsu ever been against helping someone in need? "Who is she really?" he shouted. "What does she do? How come she couldn't find work literally anywhere else in all of Fiore? Maybe there's a reason she couldn't."
"She's a bit clumsy," Lucy muttered. She also had a drink spilled due to Emilia's unsteady hands.
"Just … keep an eye on her."
"No, Natsu. Unless you have a reason to suspect her, I'm not going to spy on an innocent person."
Natsu sneered. "She's not innocent. She's using Gray."
"Stop it, really!" Lucy stood up, growing angry. "Look at Gray. He's smiling. He's enjoying this. He might have gone his whole life not knowing he had a child, but now … just look at him and say that he's being used."
Natsu turned his gaze over, and he saw Gray sitting on the chair, blushing and smiling as he fed the baby. Natsu's mouth dropped at the scene.
Lucy sighed happily as she watched the paternal love growing in Gray's face. "He's really enjoying being a father. You should be encouraging that, not trying to pick a fight."
"But … he's…"
"Gray has an issue expressing his love for others," she whispered, knowing that phobia was a secret. "Don't you think that maybe loving this child is the best cure for him?"
Natsu's eyes lowered and stung. Was she right? Was this baby the key to curing Gray of his phobia?
"Now, if you've calmed down, I hear Bisca and Erza planning to go shopping, and I am so ready for a shopping trip." Lucy skipped over to the two ladies and eagerly offered to come with them.
Natsu was left alone in the corner of the guild, simmering in doubts, worries, and troubling thoughts. He shook his head, fighting the internal rage. For a moment, his mouth grew grim, and he leaped to his feet, ready to shout. Then he saw Gray stroking the baby's black hair. He was laughing and looking at the child with deep adoration. The fire fizzled out of Natsu, and he slouch over.
"What do I do?" he whispered.
He drifted over to Laxus. The guild members shifted out of Natsu's way, purposely avoided him, not sure how to deal with the boyfriend of a man who just found out he had a lovechild. Laxus simply drank his beer and looked at the noisy crowd with his usual disdain. As Natsu slipped over in his direction, Freed sat up, ready to scold Natsu for getting too close to Laxus, but the Lightning Dragon Slayer waved off his boyfriend-bodyguard.
"'Sup," Laxus grunted. Natsu said nothing, looking at the crowd with a strangely cold face. "Gray sure seems to like the idea of fatherhood. Fuck, if it was me, I'd pay the chick off and tell her to never show her face."
Freed looked startled by that. "You don't actually have to worry about anything like that, do you?" he asked with clenched teeth.
Laxus merely shrugged. "Hell if I know! Sure fuckin' hope not. I don't want kids." He took a sip of beer and followed Natsu's gaze to the circle of people flocking around Gray. "Sure looks like Gray wants kids, though. That's a surprise."
"Yeah," Natsu said with a soft, distant voice. "He always said he didn't."
Freed looked thoughtful. "It's easy to say you don't want something, but once you're forced to accept it, your mind can change in an instant." He glanced over to Laxus. "Such as saying you'd never want a man."
Laxus sneered into his beer mug and muttered into it, "You'll never let me live that down, huh?"
Freed decided not to tease him here. "Children can be a terrifying and wonderful thing. It's a massive responsibility, but there's a great reward, passing on a legacy, raising a life with the hopes that they surpass yourself."
Laxus gave an annoyed huff. "I told ya, if you want kids, I don't mind, but I ain't raising 'em."
Natsu barely even heard their little exchanges. His fist was slowly closing up, and Laxus noticed it.
"That baby—"
"I know," Natsu hissed.
Laxus left it at that and took another drink of beer.
Freed, though, was growing worried. "Did you two talk about this, about what you both want, how to deal with this?"
"We talked," Natsu muttered. "I said I'd support him."
Laxus' eyes slid over. "What about now that you get to see this baby for yourself, and see him falling into a Daddy role?"
Natsu looked torn between anger and wanting to cry. "I'll … support what he wants. It depends on him." Natsu thought about holding Gray last night. "He was so scared about being a bad father. I think that's part of his problem. He needs to learn how to love. That baby … Lucy's right. Maybe that's what he needs."
Laxus heard the quiver in Natsu's voice. "But you don't like that idea," he stated bluntly.
Natsu slammed his eyes shut. He had always wanted kids, and Gray had been the one to get angry about the issue. Although he had been opening up to the idea over the past year, to have the issue explode in their faces like this, to have one of Gray's ex-girlfriends come right up to him with a baby in her arms … this was not the way he wanted to start a domestic family life with Gray.
This was the worst way for Natsu. The worst! Yet Gray looked so happy. How could Natsu admit how he really felt when Gray could finally smile like that at something?
Laxus let out a scoff. "Che! You're gonna just let him play Daddy and be happy while you stay quiet and miserable. You really are a masochist."
Freed gave Laxus' broad shoulder a slap to keep him quiet about that.
Laxus shrugged and raised his beer mug again. "If that's your choice, I say stick to it. If you don't wanna be part of this, though, you gotta speak up. I know what I would do if a chick came in saying she's the mother of Freed's baby."
Freed looked disgusted. "That will never happen."
"And I'm fuckin' glad you're gay as shit and never been with a woman. Although there were rumors about you and Levi," he said with a teasing smirk.
"That was a trip to Fiore's largest book fair and nothing happened. Sheesh!"
Natsu stood up, at his wit's end. "I need to get out of here."
"Don't burn the town or I'll fuckin' pound you," Laxus warned seriously.
"No, I … I just can't be in here anymore." He began to storm off.
"Natsu!" Laxus called out, and the Fire Dragon Slayer came to a sharp halt. Laxus' blue eyes held his. "I'll keep an eye on that woman for you."
Natsu smiled faintly and nodded. "Thanks. I owe you one."
"You don't owe me shit. If you wanna pay me back, though, you better as hell bring beer to the next beach trip in Hargeon. Freed and I aren't feeding your lazy asses for free again."
"Got it." He left, and hardly anyone even noticed.
Freed leaned in close to Laxus. "That woman? Is there something wrong with Emilia?"
"There's something wrong about this whole thing," Laxus grumbled. "Go check on Mira for me, will ya?"
"Of course, Laxus," he said loyally, and Freed left to the back rooms.
Laxus glared at the crowd surrounding Gray, who was now bouncing the baby on his knee. "Fuck. When the hell did Natsu learn self-control? If it was me, Magnolia would be a crater."
Gray lost track of time. He stopped panicking and found himself laughing with the others. When they called the baby Gray Junior, he didn't even mind. Someone said the baby laughed just like Gray, although he was not sure what that even meant. When it was time to change the diaper, Bisca took him to a back room and showed him how to wipe the baby's soft bottom and put on some powder to help against diaper rash. Gray was amazed by all this.
Had his father felt this way about him? Had Silver changed his diapers just like this? Well, of course he had, but it still felt strange to think about everything his mother and father had done just to raise him past this helpless phase in his life. Now, he was doing the same things they did. A new generation of Fullbusters!
"They … must have really loved me."
Bisca looked over in curiosity.
"My parents. I mean, I always knew they loved me. They sacrificed their lives to make sure I would survive. I guess I never fully understood why parents do that sort of thing. It's not just some human instinct you instantly get as soon as you become a parent. It's … love." He shivered inside at saying the taboo word. "To put up with this, to care for me so intimately … they really loved me."
"Of course they did," Bisca said with a gentle smile. "Sadly, not all parents love their children, but your parents did so deeply, they knew your life was more precious than anything else in the world. They wanted you to live to become a man who could love that deeply as well."
Gray stared down as the baby grabbed his finger. "They wanted … me … to love?"
To love?
He had spent all these years too scared to love because he lost everyone to whom he had ever said I love you. His parents' deaths traumatized him that deeply, shutting out his heart, freezing his emotions. It took Natsu to melt that icy barrier, yet he still could not say those three words.
Didn't that defeat the purpose of his parents' sacrifice? They gave their lives to he could grow up, fall in love, and have a family.
If they wanted him to love…
He couldn't possibly go through his life not telling his lover and his son that he loved them.
Bisca patted his arm. "I can't begin to imagine what this is like for you, one day suddenly realizing you're a parent. I mean, Alzack and I wanted children, and finding out I was pregnant was one of the happiest days of my life. Holding Asuka for the very first time was something I'll never forget. But I had nine months to fall in love with her. You've had less than twenty-four hours, yet you're doing so well."
"No, I'm not," he confessed quietly. "I can't believe this is real, that any of it is real."
"Give it time, Gray. You're honestly doing a lot better than many of us thought you would. I think Cana tried to start up betting on how you'd react."
Gray still shook his head. "I don't know if I can do this."
"Understandable. Do you want to, though?" she pressed, looking at him firmly. "Do you want to love this baby as a son?"
"Love?" Gray looked down into the baby's large, stormy eyes as he sang a little song to himself and clapped his pudgy hands. A lump of intense emotions caught in his throat. Did he want to love this baby? "Yes," he whispered faintly, feeling a chill creep over his skin.
"Then I know you'll reach that goal. It's okay if it takes time."
"What about Natsu?" he wondered.
"I'm sure Natsu will support you once he calms down."
Gray looked back toward the main hall. "Is he still around?"
"He left a while ago. He looked upset."
"Yeah, I bet," he muttered. Gray hoisted the baby up into his arms, much more confident now. "Come on, little boy."
"Pa!" the baby burst out amidst his babbling.
Gray could hardly help but smile. "Yeah, that's right." He knew it was just a syllable, no meaning, but he still liked to imagine that the boy somehow knew his Papa. "Let's find Emilia. I need to talk to Natsu, make sure he's okay."
They found her back in the accounting room, with Mira standing by her, pointing out the guild's records, talking about how Mira single-handedly had designed how to set up their financial records. She looked lively, with a smile and a sparkle in her eyes. Just as she was asking how the guild could afford so many expenses—a lot of broken furniture—the two ladies caught sight of Gray and Bisca.
"Gray!" Emilia said with a bright grin. "Thank you for watching him."
"How are you doing?" he asked.
Mira said proudly, "She's got a skill for this."
Emilia beamed up at the pretty white-haired lady. "I'm happy when I can count money." Then she turned her smile to Gray. "I can make a real job out of this. All thanks to you."
"Hey, I'm trying to help," Gray said humbly, although he thought the smile looked good on her face, and he really did hope the best for her. He could not imagine what she had been through over the past year. "Look, I've gotta leave."
"Oh!" Emilia cried out in a squeak. "You don't need to stay around just for me. I think I'm going to like it here," she said cheerfully.
"Good," he said, and he looked down at the baby.
Bisca offered to take him. "I'll put him back. Emilia, you focus on work. The guild will protect the baby for you. Consider it part of your payment."
She laughed and shook her head. "You people … really are too good," she said with an overwhelmed sniffle.
Gray looked over to Mira. "So, does she have the job?"
"The final decision is up to Master," she said, "but I can let him know that she's got a talent for balancing numbers."
"Then I hope I'll see you around." He left with a parting wave.
Gray walked off back to the main hall, and he rolled his eyes at the shouts from the crowd. Now came the expected sexually lewd comments that they felt were finally okay to say since it was not in front of a baby. Someone asked if Emilia was one of his one-night stands, another chuckled that she must have been a wild ride.
Yeah, okay, so he knocked up a girl. He wished they would just leave it at that and not make comments that portrayed her as some sort of slut.
He stepped outside, glad for the quietness and fresh air to clear out his thoughts and balance his emotions. He tried to think of places where Natsu might be. If he needed to get away and think…
Of course. The river.
He headed in that direction. The walk gave him time to process everything. It was crazy … and it was wonderful. It was terrifying … and it filled him with hope.
"Do you want to love this baby as a son?"
He did. If there really was a curse and saying those words damned his baby, he knew that he would fight the Grim Reaper himself to protect that boy.
Already, he knew he would die to protect that child, and he met him only twenty-four hours ago. How much deeper must Silver's conviction have been to protect Gray on that fateful day? To die for him. After all those years of raising him, dealing with diapers, sicknesses, skinned knees, school trouble … just how deep must his father's love have been, a paternal fervor forged over years, hammered into his heart, seared into his soul … considering that after merely twenty-four hours, Gray felt as strongly as he did!
Gray came to the river and saw Natsu sitting on the grass, staring out at the flowing water. He knew Natsu probably smelled him for some time now, so he did not bother to ask if he could sit. Natsu would have left long ago if he actually wanted to be alone.
Gray took a seat beside him and joined him in gazing. "Nice day."
Natsu merely stared forward.
"Can I cut to the chase?" Gray looked over to Natsu. "Are you really okay with this?"
Natsu's eyes slowly met his, and it worried Gray that there was sadness and concern in them, not joy and excitement. "Let me ask you something first."
"Okay." Gray figured that was fair.
"What do you plan to do now? About this? About him?"
Gray let out a long, thoughtful sigh and turned his gaze out at the river just as two ducks swam by. "I honestly don't know. I'm not ready for a family, but Emilia seems to be okay with me simply being around from time to time. I … I want to be around." His knees popped up, and he rested his chin on them, hugging himself almost into a ball, as if to shield himself from the assault of emotions. "That kid … he looks so much like me, it's terrifying. I feel like I need to protect him. I need to be there for him. I'm starting to realize what my dad felt for me."
Natsu looked over hesitantly. "Do you mean love?"
Gray gulped hard, and it seemed to get stuck in his throat. Still, he managed to nod stiffly.
Natsu's gaze fell to the blades of grass. "Do you lo-…"
"Don't ask!" he shouted. "Please! Just … don't. Not with him."
Natsu bit back the forbidden word. "Then, you do." Gray already loved the boy. Natsu supposed that was natural.
Gray suddenly grabbed Natsu's hand. "Look, just because I feel that way, it doesn't mean I … feel that way less toward you." He squeezed Natsu's hand, looking down at the promise bracelet. "There's no way I'm going to leave you, no way even a boy like that is going to replace you."
That made Natsu smile a little.
"So, what about you?" Gray asked worriedly. "Are you okay with this? I mean, obviously you're not okay, but…" His words faded out. "You … You're not gonna leave, right? Damn, I don't mean to sound needy, but I don't think I could handle this without you."
Natsu flashed a confident smile up at him. "Hell no! I promised to stay by you, and some kid isn't gonna make me love you less."
Hearing that made a heavy weight sink off Gray's shoulders.
"But," Natsu added hesitantly, "I gotta admit, I'm … I'm not comfortable being around the baby, and I'm definitely not comfortable being anywhere near that woman."
Gray's mouth dropped, shocked to hear bitterness as Natsu practically spit out the word woman. He turned his eyes aside and gazed back out at the river. "I guess I don't blame you. If it was the other way around, I probably would be reacting hellishly bad." He squeezed Natsu's hand. "You're doing pretty awesome, taking this so well."
Natsu's face cringed. "I'm not taking this well," he gnashed out. "But I don't know what I can say. I don't know what I should even do. If I say the wrong thing, will you hate me? If I ruin this for you, will it make things worse?"
"Make what worse?"
His mouth stayed shut. Gray was learning to love someone other than him, and this was a totally different sort of love. Gray needed to understand, love was just a word. The emotion was what really counted, and now he loved a baby. If Natsu said anything that broke that freshly-blossomed love, could Gray be set back emotionally?
Instead of saying anything, Natsu flopped over, resting his head on Gray's shoulder. An arm wrapped around him, and he let himself be smothered in an embrace that they both needed. The birds sang around them, ducks quacked in the river, and a boatman sailed by, whistling a rustic tune.
"If … If you want to raise that baby, if you want to make him part of your life, if that's really what you want … it's all right," Natsu said, although his face looked ready to scream in anger. "No matter what ends up happening with this … no matter what," he said, and Natsu looked up into Gray's face, "I'll be there for you."
Gray was surprised at the forceful tone, but he was also glad for that reassurance. He squeezed Natsu even tighter in his embrace, and they watched the river together quietly, lost in thoughts, emotions, and the surrealism of it all.
After a long time sitting in silence, Gray shifted. "Well, I should get back. I just realized something." He laughed to himself and shook his head. "Damn me, but I still don't even know the poor kid's name. I totally forgot to ask."
Rather than letting him go, Natsu clung on tighter. Gray pouted, but he decided to stay a little longer, silently worried about how this might affect their relationship. He had to admit, for how stressful this whole situation was, it made him happy to see Natsu crave him even more.
After a few minutes, Natsu released his clinging arms. "Okay, you go. I'm gonna stay here."
"Are you going to be okay?"
Natsu let out a bitter laugh. "Yeah, somehow. I just … I don't want to be in that guild when she's there."
Gray pouted. So, Natsu was mostly disturbed by Emilia, not the baby. That made sense to Gray. When they first started dating, Natsu had been immensely self-conscious about his lack of experience and bitter at the fact that Gray had slept around through most of their teen years. Now, here was physical proof of that promiscuous past.
"Let's meet up later."
Natsu whispered, "Yeah," but he hardly seemed to hear him.
Gray sighed and made the trek back to the guild. He truly had no idea what to do about Natsu, and he hoped that maybe he could ask Mira for relationship advice, or maybe Lucy had some words of wisdom.
When he got there, the bassinet was gone, and the guild was scattered around like normal. Max was closest to the door as he entered.
"Where's Emilia and the kid?" asked Gray.
Max set aside polishing his broomstick. "They left a while ago. So hey, are you gonna marry her now?"
"What? No!" he cried out in horror.
At the shout, people looked over and saw who had walked through the door.
"Gray!" came a dozen shouts, followed by a stampede as people rushed forward.
"Ack!" he cried out, ready to flee out the door, except Jet was already behind him.
"How long have you known?"
"I don't recognize her. Did you two date long?"
"Are you going to adopt the baby?"
"What does Natsu think?"
"Waaaaaaaaah!" came a sob, and with it a gush of water. Juvia had finally broken down. "Another woman got to be the mother of Gray-sama's child."
"Juvia, you're flooding the place!"
She still wailed tearfully. "Juvia wanted to be the surrogate to Gray-sama's baby."
Hearing that, feeling so many people around him, their incessant questions, wondering if she was staying there, was she leaving, was she going to work there, and in general the whole chaos of a guild excited and knowing no limit, Gray began to feel overwhelmed. His vision grew blurry. Being a father had seemed like an amazing thing, but now it was really pummeling him with just how scary this was.
What if he was a bad father? What if the child was already physically harmed from starvation? What about Natsu?
What about Natsu?
What about Natsu?
"Gray, what about Natsu?"
The question, echoing randomly throughout the crowd, reflected his greatest dread and sent his mind spinning. He put his hand to his forehead as it felt like everything was crashing down on him.
Someone suddenly grabbed his arm tight enough to bruise. Gray was jolted out of his spiraling fears, and as he looked up, he saw Laxus protecting him, his blue eyes glaring at the crowd.
"Fuckin' settle down, you assholes. Shit, so annoying." His narrow eyes turned down to Gray, but his voice was gentle. "Are you okay?"
To the side, Freed clasped his hands to his chest. "That's my boyfriend! So chivalrous to everyone."
Cana snorted a laugh at that. "Yeah, sure, whatever."
Freed's antennas stood straight up. "What did you say? How dare you!"
Gray wanted to assure Laxus that he was fine, but he was shaking inside, unable to speak, syllables sputtering out but his lips trembling too hard to form words. He was dizzy, his lungs spasmed, and the world around him seemed to vanish into a long, echoing tunnel.
No, not a panic attack, not here! Not here. Calm down. Calm down. I can't calm down! Fuck!
"Oi, Salamander!" Gray was suddenly thrown through the air, and before he could shout, two warm arms caught him. "Take him out for some air. Fuck, I just wanna enjoy my drink in peace." With that, Laxus turned away back to his table with Freed hurrying to get him another mug of beer.
Gray looked behind him and saw Natsu had caught him, still holding him upright as Gray had not yet found his footing after being thrown like a sack of laundry.
Natsu had smelled that Emilia was not in the guild, so he thought he would check on Gray. Seeing him now, seeing those wide eyes that trembled with terror, he knew he had to take action. So he threw Gray over his shoulder and marched out.
"You're such a pain in the ass," he said loudly in mock annoyance.
"What the hell?" Gray shouted, kicking to get loose. "Let me go! Natsu. Natsu!"
Natsu stormed all the way to Gray's house, since it was not that far away, and did not let him down until they were right in front of the door. Gray dropped hard and sneered in annoyance.
"The hell was that about?" Gray yelled. "My ribs hurt now, asshole."
Natsu nodded to the door. "Get in there."
"Go to hell. You don't order me around—"
Natsu bellowed loud enough for everyone in the apartment building to hear, "UNLOCK THE DOOR AND GET IN THERE BEFORE I KICK IT DOWN AND THROW YOU IN!"
Gray jolted, honestly shocked at the rage in Natsu's voice. His nostrils flared as he breathed hard, steam coming out, and his teeth were grinding together with flames just within his mouth.
"When I see you with that face," Natsu whispered in fury, "I'm ready to say fuck it all to this whole thing."
Gray's mouth dropped. He was ready to give up? On him?
"No!"
"Get in there," he commanded.
Gray fumbled for his keys, as if his boyfriend might leave if he did not obey instantly. He unlocked the door and was glad that Natsu followed him in. Once the door shut, Natsu flung his arms around Gray.
"Dammit, I don't ever want to see some other man shielding you like that, and I don't ever want to see you panic like that."
"What are you—"
"You were obviously having a panic attack, and Laxus was shielding you, and I hate that." Natsu let out a growl and buried his head down into the crook of Gray's neck. "I hate it. I hate that this is hurting you so much, and I'm ready to say fuck it all."
"To what?" Gray cried out, panicking again at what he meant.
Natsu did not say. He held Gray and stroked his hair. "But here, it's just us. Like always. It'll always go back to being just us. Even if you raise this kid, even if you adopt him, eventually he'll grow up, move out, and it'll be just us again. Always." His shoulders shuddered at his own intense emotions. "Always. So here, it's safe. You can be scared, but dammit, I never want to see you going through a panic attack at the guild again."
"I … wasn't … it … n-no, I…"
Try as he might to protest, the fears finally did surge over him, and Gray collapsed to the floor. Natsu fell right down with him, still holding him and soothingly petting his back.
"It's all right," Natsu said, protectively rubbing Gray's arms.
"I'm scared!" Gray shouted. "Shit, I thought I was okay, but I'm not. I'm not! I'm gonna screw up that kid's life."
"You won't," Natsu said calmly.
"I don't want to damn anyone else, especially not him. It's like, I wanna push him far, far away just to keep him safe, but I want to have him right here, in my arms, where I know I can protect him." He trembled, and suddenly his hand lashed out. "Fuck!" he screamed.
Ice slashed out with his arm, and Natsu's foot got caught up in the outburst. Luckily, a little flame and he was free from the ice. Gray sank, as if that one tiny burst of magic had been more exhausting than a whole battle. He clung to Natsu and took comfort in the hand rubbing his arm, keeping him in the moment, reminding him that he had support.
"I'm so scared I'll just fuck up everything if I try to get involved, but I … I want to be involved. I want to be there, dammit. I want to be a good dad and give my kid love and nurturing. He's my kid, and … and I can't abandon a child, especially not one who's mine."
Through this, Natsu realized something. Gray had just said love without the least bit of panic. It had slipped right by, and he had said it like it was natural.
Which, of course, it would be. A father naturally loved his son.
Natsu shut his eyes. If Gray could come to show love to that baby … if he could heal … wasn't that worth everything in the world?
Gray was still shaking with fears. "Please … don't … don't."
"Don't what?"
Gray snuffled and clung to Natsu. "Don't leave me."
"I said I wouldn't."
Gray shuddered out a sob and held on tighter. "Don't," he pleaded.
Natsu frowned to hear Gray so worried about this, and he rubbed his back. For being horrible at romance, Gray had always been the one most desperate that they remain together. Once again, Gray was showing that, despite being a dominant and a sadist, he was emotionally fragile deep inside. Natsu held him tighter, hoping Gray could somehow feel in the warmth of his embrace that he was not about to let him go, not now, not ever.
As it felt like Gray was not going to calm down anytime soon, Natsu pulled on him. "Come on. Your floor is like an ice rink in here. Let's get you to bed."
Gray clung to Natsu's shirt as he allowed himself to be lifted up and pulled to the bedroom. Tears blinded him, a million screaming fears deafened him, and all he could feel through the numbness were two warm arms. He needed those arms, the only real things in his life right then.
"I need you," he whispered weakly, barely feeling his mouth move.
Blood on snow. His father with lifeless eyes, his head split open, brains scattered over the snow. His mother dead, her blood seeping over toward Silver's body, like a crimson tendril seeking to unite them in death. Smoke, stench, the roar of Deliora still rumbling in the distance.
Through the chilly vision, there was a warm hand. Ur's face was there, gentle, smiling, guiding him away from darkness. Then the flashback faded, and it was green eyes looking down at him with worry and love.
With love!
"Natsu…"
Everyone he had ever said "I love you" to was dead.
But not everyone he ever felt love for. Feeling love didn't damn a person. Did saying it really damn them? The logical part of his brain knew that was just some superstition he came up with on his own, a child's fear that continued into adulthood and took on the ugly shape of an illogical phobia. The emotional side of him could not risk losing another loved one.
"Say … Say those three words." He felt like a child, looking up and needing attention.
Natsu's hand caressed his face, burning away the snowy chill of those memories. "I love you, Gray." Natsu curled up into him, hugging him and shielding him from the fears. "I love you."
A sob burst out of Gray's mouth, raw and brittle as years of ice crumbled around his heart.
"I love you."
Smoke and death! Blood!
Flame and flesh! Love!
"I love you."
Gray's arms tightened around Natsu. He wanted to say the words back, but the memories were too real at that moment. He could still smell the stench of the monster. He just needed to know … here in this dark past … he needed to know someone could love him and not die. Within the cold darkness, he felt a warm hand caressing his head in the same way Ur used to calm him down whenever he had nightmares.
"I love you."
More sobs shook out, and he heard a bone pop in Natsu's back from just how tightly he was squeezing him. Natsu hissed in pain, but he did not pull away. He kept stroking Gray's hair and caressing his face as tears streamed down.
"I love you."
Natsu shifted up, and Gray felt lips on his. The cold dread melted. He sniffled, but he could still smell smoke and blood.
"It'll be okay," Natsu swore, giving Gray kisses and rubbing their noses together. "I'm right here."
"Natsu," he sighed, wanting to take comfort in those hot lips, wanting to focus on the kisses like licks of fire all over his face—his lips, his cheeks, a gentle kiss on the forehead. He really wanted to focus purely on Natsu, but his body shook, a chill pierced through, and Gray tense up, slamming eyes shut to the memories of pain and fear that had been on the edge of his mind since seeing Emilia in his hallway.
Natsu lifted up in worry as Gray shook in his arms. "Gray?"
The past was so real this time, it was like his parents were right there on his bedroom floor, their blood spreading over the carpet.
"Natsu!"
"I'm here, I'm here," he said, rubbing his arms.
"My dad…" He broke off, sobbing and trying to curl into a ball.
Natsu carefully rubbed his shoulders, seeing the pain in Gray's tear-streaked face. "Gray?"
"He died!" he shouted through choking tears. "He … He loved me, and he died."
"You're not going to die," Natsu swore, stroking his black hair calmly. "I'm not going to allow you to die until you're older than Gramps. And I'm not going to die," he promised, giving Gray another kiss. "There is no way in hell I'm dying before you, and that's final."
Gray sputtered out something like a laugh and an epic sob, and snot ran down his nose as his heart felt warmer hearing those words. He felt a cloth wipe his face, and he smiled to think that Natsu was caring for him. He had always needed someone to stretch out their hand to him and pull him out of the darkness.
"No matter what comes up in our life, you're my mate, and I'm not giving up on you."
Gray trembled at hearing those words. His eyes opened, tired and ready to surrender: to fate, to fear, to love, to phobias … so many emotions swirled around, and he wanted to surrender to the right thing.
"Touch me," he whispered.
Natsu's eyes widened in surprise. That was unexpected. "Seriously?"
"Please." His eyes closed as he realized how pathetic he sounded. He hated it! He hated to feel out of control, to feel weak and lost, but, at that moment, he needed this. "Please. Let me know."
Natsu's face twisted up in confusion. "Let you know what?" Slowly, he understood. "Oh … I get it."
He leaned down over Gray and kissed him again, deeper this time, his tongue sliding in, licking up Gray's mouth. His hand drifted over Gray's bare chest—Wait, when did he strip off his clothes?—and his fingers left trails of heat over the pale skin.
Gray moaned, and he felt his body reacting instantly. Maybe it was all the emotions, but his body was suddenly desperate to be touched. He felt his hips already flexing, trying to get attention.
The ghostly touch of hot fingers drifted over his underwear, and Gray instantly surged up, his back arching as his voice groaned in a shiver of pleasure. He heard a soft, possessive growl from Natsu, and then that fiery hand grabbed firmer, stroking him through his boxers. Lips nipped at his neck, teeth grazed his collar, Natsu snarled as he sucked up hickeys and bit little nibbles along his neck until Gray hissed in erotic pain. Tiny flames tingled at each kiss to his chest, his abs, and one down, right on the tip of the erection tenting his boxers. Gray whimpered, and his hips made another thrust up, wanting more.
Natsu's mouth pulled back, and Gray opened his eyes to see what was going on. There was an inferno blazing in those eyes, and Gray wanted it to burn away all his darkness.
"Are you really sure?" asked Natsu.
Gray nodded, needy and weak, feeling empty inside and aching for that chasm to be filled with warmth before the fears and memories flooded back in. Maybe this was escaping, or maybe it was seeking out what he wanted more than anything else. Maybe it was unhealthy, or maybe it was a way to heal. Gray had no idea, and he did not want to think about it. He just wanted to feel alive.
"I … I want you … to force me to stay."
Natsu's face looked confused and worried at the order.
"I want … shit," he hissed, hating this feeling. "Stay with me. Don't leave me, and don't let me leave you. Don't you dare let me be taken away from you. Force me to stay."
Natsu's mouth opened in surprise, but determination grew in his eyes. "Got it."
He climbed out of bed and walked over to Gray's chest of sex toys. He opened it and looked at the collection.
Damn, we have a lot of stuff!
However, he needed only one thing. He pulled out handcuffs and strode back over to the bed. There was a blur of movement as Natsu snatched up Gray's wrists and pinned them to the headboard.
"You're mine, Gray. My mate. I claimed you." Natsu's voice was low and, Gray had to admit, more than just a little scary.
Then he felt metal snap around his wrists and heard the click of a lock. He pulled and felt the handcuffs scrap his wrists. Natsu had not even used the fuzzy cuffs. He had gone straight for the pure metal ones. Natsu held up the key to the lock, and Gray stared at it. Suddenly, Natsu's hand lit on fire, and the blaze melted the key.
"Natsu!" Gray screamed. "What the hell! If you melt the key—"
"You can't escape!" Natsu screamed, flinging aside some drops of molten metal. "You can't get out of those cuffs unless I melt them away. No one can take you away from me."
Gray was torn between liking how serious Natsu sounded, and rather pissed that he ruined a perfectly good pair of handcuffs.
That outrage faded as Natsu pulled off his shirt and placed his scarf to the side. Gray watched, mesmerized as Natsu began to undo his belt, slid down his zipper, shoved the last of his clothes down his legs, and stepped out of them, nude, with eyes that could kill. It was both sexy and terrifying.
"You're mine."
Gray shuddered at those covetous words.
"Everything about you … is mine." Natsu grabbed Gray's boxers and incinerated them. Ash fell across the bed.
"Natsu!" Great, guess I'm buying underwear along with new handcuffs.
"Some woman wanting your help to raise a baby isn't an excuse to leave me behind." Natsu climbed onto the bed, caged Gray in between his arms and legs, and glared down hard at him. "Even if you want to play the role of a daddy, remember that you were my kainushi first. You will always be mine first! I won't allow you to leave me. I'll track you down, hunt you, and no matter how you try to hide, I will find you, drag you back … claim you!"
Natsu suddenly sliced his nails down Gray's chest. A scream tore through the air as Gray's whole body was shocked with pain. Natsu looked at the scratches and saw that one was so deep, tiny pearls of blood were beading up on Gray's flesh. He leaned over and licked the blood away. Gray flinched in pain at the fiery tongue lathing over the fresh wound.
"Mine," Natsu purred, and Gray felt goose bumps on his trapped arms. "This marks you as mine. Forever. You are my bonded mate. I still smell my blood in you, and now…" He leaned over and licked the scratch again. "Your blood is in me. Your body…" he said, stroking Gray, "…flesh…" and he rubbed up his stomach, "…and blood…" he said as he swiped the tiny droplets, smearing crimson over Gray's chest and making him flinch in pain, "…are all mine."
Gray groaned. Hearing those words, feeling just how serious Natsu was, to claim him like this, to lock him away, to threaten to keep him by his side, simply knowing Natsu wanted him this intensely, filled in that chasm. Heat and love burned away the cold memories and phobias.
"We have a goal, right?" Natsu shouted, and his voice trembled slightly, showing the fears he also had. "We promised." He rubbed the gold, silver, and copper braided promise bracelet, looking at the shine of the three stones—ruby for fire, sapphire for ice, and amethyst as a blend of them, as well as a stone to protect against phobias. "We promised to aim for that goal, to one day be ready … for more. For us. For our own family."
Gray's mouth dropped. "Our own?"
Natsu looked down into his eyes. "I'll support you if you wanna help raise that kid, but I want a chance. A chance for … for just us, our own…" He words faded away, but he saw that Gray understood, considering how massive his eyes had grown.
"Natsu—"
"It's a goal of mine as well: to be ready for that. I already consider you to be my bonded mate, so … sometime in the future … when we're ready—"
"Natsu!" he cried out in growing shock.
Natsu eyes blazed with jealousy. "If you can love this kid, you can love one with me. If you can look all goofy and happy holding a baby and feeding him a bottle, then dammit, I want that too!" he shouted. "I'm not going to stop you, I'll even support you, but that doesn't change anything. You don't get to stop wanting that sort of future with me just because that baby popped up out of nowhere. His existence doesn't mean you can ignore what I want."
"You … want…"
Gray's heart was racing. Natsu wanted a family? He remembered what Natsu once said.
"There is an idea my therapist has been suggesting, but I still need time. … Basically, I would build up to the point where I – I want to breed, with you. … It'd be a slow, emotional process between us, building trust, building a desire for a family, and once that groundwork is set, mentally, I would want to breed, to mate, to, in a weird and totally impossible way, I would want to – to get you pregnant, and thinking that to myself, maybe – maybe it'd let me actually finish inside you. … I'm not at that point. I want to be with you. I want to start dating again, but that – that's really serious."
"Yes, but … I want to reach that point. … But you're right. It's a serious issue, and it also means you'd want me … for life."
"It also depends on what you want."
"I know what I want. Or my hormones do. My brain knows that's a … a really serious thing, and we need to work our way there."
"Y-Yeah. We have a way to go."
"We can make that our goal.… That just means I have to make you want me that much."
"Same here. I have to make you want to have children with me."
"I think you're succeeding already."
"W-Whuh?"
"Natsu, you're incredible. You're a good dad to Happy. I'm no good around kids, but I think you … you'd make a good father."
Was Natsu still aiming for that, to reach a point where he could breed? Was that part of his healing process? Was he scared that, now that Gray had a child, that ability to heal himself was about to go away?
"I won't let you leave me," Natsu insisted. "I won't allow them to get in the way."
"Of what?" Gray asked, trembling inside.
"Of me. Of my dreams, my goals, what I want with you. I'm not going to stop fighting toward the future I want, and I won't allow you to escape me and run off now that you've got some kid to look after. I won't allow him to get in the way … of this."
Natsu dragged his body down Gray's torso, kissing the scratches that were coming up as bright red welts, some scabbing over. As his body slid over Gray's groin, he could feel it getting harder, and by the time Natsu had slipped down between Gray's legs, he was half erect. Natsu saw Gray's chest heaving with hard breaths of anticipation.
Softly, almost sadly, Natsu whispered, "Some kid appearing out of nowhere isn't going to make me love you less, Gray."
Gray moaned. Shit, yes, he needed to hear that!
Then his mouth went down, plunging onto Gray's cock, sucking it like he was starving, relentlessly bobbing his head up and down, his lips tight, striking it down to the back of his throat. Gray arched up and moaned. He arms moved on their own, only to feel the restriction and hear the metal clanking against the headboard.
Natsu pulled up, licking away the saliva. "You're mine. I'm not ever going to lose you to someone else." Then he went back down, slower now, savoring the smell and taste and the smooth feel. "I've claimed you as mine, Gray."
Gray's whole body tensed at the low, sensual words. Unable to move his hands, he felt helpless, surrendering to Natsu's desires. He normally hated losing control, but this time … this time…
"Yesssss!" he hissed. This was precisely what he needed, to know that Natsu wanted him and would never leave him. To know Natsu would bind him rather than run off in jealousy was comforting, so he could relax and enjoy it.
Natsu pulled back and looked at Gray's cock, flushed and shimmering with wetness. "Do you remember what I said once, what my therapist wants me to try?"
Gray gasped. Is he talking about the breeding thing?
"To want kids with you … to breed you."
Oh God, he is talking about that!
"I…" Natsu took a moment to firm up his resolve to tell Gray the truth. He looked straight into those stormy blue eyes and stated, "I want it now."
"Natsu!" shouted Gray. He rattled the handcuffs. If he was trapped like this and Natsu panicked, he could do nothing.
"Not today. I'm not in the right place mentally today. I'm scared and angry and confused. I can't … but I want to." He leaned over and kissed Gray's ass, giving it tiny licks. "When I'm mentally able to handle all this, I want to. I figured it out, and … I want…" He stopped sharply and looked up to Gray's wide eyes. "Am I totally freaking you out? Sorry."
"No!" Gray was only half freaking out. "If you want it."
Natsu slid up and met Gray eye-to-eye. "Would you want to raise a family with me? Be honest."
Gray gulped hard. He was finally getting a taste of what it meant to be a father, the immense responsibility, the fervent paternal love, the gentle care involved, the joy of seeing his own child smiling at him and laughing at his nonsensical babbling. Now, in the midst of the chaos—the clashing between dread and dreams—Natsu was asking a question like that.
"I wish … he was my kid alone, and we could raise him together. I want…"
His mind slipped away to visions of domestic happiness, the two of them trying to figure out baby clothes, how Natsu would react the first time he changed a diaper, trying to feed the kid, holding a child by each hand as they walked through a park, helping him to study homework, teaching him magic, proudly watching the day he got his Fairy Tail stamp.
Tears came to Gray's eyes. "Shit, I want him to be yours."
A sob shook out. God, what a horrible thing to say. Emilia suffered labor pains and raised him through months of poverty. Still, that little wish was there. He wished Emilia had simply left the baby on his doorstep. He wished this was a child he and Natsu could raise alone. He feared the idea of being a father, but if Natsu was there with him—
"I … could do it … if you're there with me. I can't on my own. I can't! I'm going to curse him and mess up his life, but if you were there…" He remembered their conversation in the past. "I said it before. You'd make a great father."
Natsu blushed slightly. "I can still be a part of this, you know. If you want help raising him, I can be there with you."
"Please!" he shouted, his chest shaking. "Help me. I need help. I can't do this alone."
Natsu caressed his face. "I'm gonna be right there beside you the whole way, Gray. No matter what happens, no matter…" He froze, and he let the thought fade away. "Let's get in some practice with him, so when we're ready for a kid just for us, we're gonna make two kick-ass dads."
That made a laugh shatter out through the sobs. So like Natsu! This crazy, wild, destructive flame-brain of a boyfriend could help him feel confident in the midst of cold darkness.
"Yeah. Let's do it."
"Right!" Natsu said cheerfully. His eyes went from bright and optimistic straight into sultry and devious. "So … let's practice," he said sensually, and Natsu's body slithered along Gray's, rubbing their groins together. "Prepare for when we try for kids."
Gray shivered as Natsu's cock slid along his, so hard and hot. Then Natsu's hand reached down and grabbed both of them, holding Gray's cock as he slid along it. Gray moaned at the heat of his hand and the friction of his cock as Natsu thrust his body against him, over and over.
Natsu smirked. "Should I call you Daddy?"
"Do and I'll punch you."
Natsu chuckled as he thrust up against Gray. He sucked on two fingers while Gray's eyes were closed in pleasure. "We can prepare for it. Prepare you," he whispered, bringing his wet fingers down, "for me!"
He nudged one finger in, and Gray let out a shuddering moan.
"Shit, use lube," he said, hissing as the spit just was not enough.
Natsu rolled over to Gray's dresser, where he hid a bottle of lube in one of his drawers. He put some on his fingers and also on Gray's cock, so he could stroke him with ease.
"Your ass will be mine, Gray. One day … but I'm in the wrong head-space right now, so for today, we practice." He crawled back on top and kept his hand down. "Are you ready for me?"
Gray moaned through closed lips and nodded frantically.
Natsu said tauntingly, "Here comes the little dragon."
"Oh God, don't say that ever again," he said in revulsion. What an idiot!
Natsu chuckled, brought two fingers closer, and pressed them in. "Here." One finger slip in, but he felt resistance. "Tight. Relax. Relax." He eased his way in, first one finger, then the other, repeating softly to Gray to relax, loosen up, let it enter. Gray's body quivered, and his face looked slightly pained, yet his hips flexed to go deeper. Natsu watched Gray's face carefully as the tension in his body finally relaxed, and his fingers were able to slide all the way in.
"You're so good inside," he whispered. He angled himself lower, enough to slide his cock below his hand and between Gray's butt cheeks.
What Gray felt was like Natsu was about to thrust into his ass. He could feel the fingers, but he felt the long, hard cock rubbing right next to them.
"Natsu!" Gray cried out in warning.
"Like this," he whispered hotly.
Natsu pressed in, sliding between Gray's ass and the bed, rutting in the butt crack while his fingers thrust in at the same speed, following the motions of his hips. It was a tight fit with the weight of Gray's body, but he felt the warmth of the valley between his butt cheeks. They had done similar, with Natsu rutting against Gray's back in the shower. So long as his cum was not collected in anything…
But if he wanted Gray to get pregnant, if he really, truly wanted that … would that mentality work?
His own hand was partially rubbing his cock, enticing it, making Natsu shiver as he edged toward his fear of masturbation, but trembling in the pleasure of Gray's warm skin. "Shit!" he hissed as he felt his cock throb with need, thrusting harder into the space between bed and butt.
Gray could feel Natsu's cock sliding over and over again outside his ass, while his fingers sought out inside. His hands instinctively tried to grab down to stroke himself, but he felt a biting pain as the handcuffs rattled together.
"Dammit, touch me!" he demanded.
Natsu was huffing in pleasure, but he grabbed Gray's cock, stroking him in tempo to the rest of his undulating body. Gray groaned and arched, and he felt Natsu thrust against his ass even harder.
"More," Gray moaned.
Sweat began to bead up on Natsu's skin as his body flushed with lust. "You're my mate. Mine!"
His! All his!
"Natsuuuuu!"
Gray body surged, and the world vanished for a few moments as wave after wave after wave of bliss pulsed through his body. It was just them, like always, just the two of them here, in this place and time, and the last of the fears about the future melted with the gush of heat spurting out. Natsu's tongue was on him, licking, cleaning, growling possessively.
"You are my goal, Gray. To always … always … love you."
Gray floated back down to reality with those words ringing sweetly in his ears.
"Love," he whispered, repeating that word that scared him so much, yet this time it felt more natural. It was just a word, a vocal utterance for an emotion he most definitely felt.
For a moment, Natsu really thought Gray was going to say it, but after half a minute, he said nothing else. He sighed with a complaisant smile. Gray was getting closer and closer … and so was he.
He eased his fingers out and pulled back with a long sigh, erect with pre-cum already dripping down his stiff cock. He looked down at the erection, but he shook his head. Instead, he reached up, and with a single blazing finger, he carefully melted apart the handcuffs without burning Gray's skin. Gray lowered his arms and rubbed out his wrists.
"You are forbidden from using my handcuffs again, jerk."
"Aww, come on. You liked it."
"I'd like it better if I didn't have to buy new ones." He looked over at Natsu and saw he was still ragingly erect. "Um … do you need…?" He pointed to the stiff pole.
Natsu looked down to it and frowned. "No. This was all about you."
"Dude, you look ready to blow."
"Probably am," he confessed, flinching as his cock ached for attention. "Not today. I feel better this way."
Gray's brow pinched together. Denying himself sexual release again?
Natsu seemed to realize his worries. "It's okay. It's what I need, to focus purely on you, to show you that this is the strength of my love. I want … I need it to be just about you, and … and I'm not in the right mental place. I'm really not." He laughed with a hint of sadness. "I'm seriously messed up at the moment."
Gray reached forward and stroked through Natsu's pink hair. Then he grabbed a handful and yanked him down by the scalp. Natsu cried out in pain and surprise.
"Cuddle me, bastard," Gray demanded.
Natsu laughed and settled in on the pillow. "You don't have to be so rough."
"Yes, I do!"
Natsu sighed. "Is my kainushi back?"
As if to answer, Gray pulled his hair slightly again. "Just…" Words failed, though.
"It's okay," Natsu assured, cuddling into him, but also giving him a smirk. "I'll obey you," he said with a sensual lick to his lips.
Gray sighed in relief, and Natsu chuckled, settling into his boyfriend's arms. Gray felt the tension in his body loosening up. That sort of control, denying himself pleasure, felt so good, he shivered as the erection slowly shrank. Natsu stroked his hand over Gray's pecs and heard a sharp hiss. He realized he had rubbed over the scratches.
"Sorry about your chest."
"It's fine. I liked it." Still, his face was in a grimace of pain.
Natsu hummed, almost purred, in happiness to hear that. He petted Gray's head and stared up to the ceiling. What an insane couple days! Being like this, though, was reminiscent of lazy summer days one year ago, when they had far fewer worries but also far more hangups.
"You're progressing," Gray whispered.
"You are too." Natsu looked down at the promise bracelets, as well as the fading pink lines on Gray's wrists from the handcuffs. He caressed around the braided metal, watching the gems sparkle. Quietly, he swore, "No matter what happens with this, I'll be right by your side, supporting anything you do."
Gray's body sank in relief. "Thank you," he whispered. "And I'm not going anywhere. I'd be lost without you."
Natsu nuzzled adorably into Gray's shoulder. "Promise?"
Gray turned over to Natsu and kissed his forehead. "It's a promise! And you better take my ass soon, bastard. You're leaving me in suspense here."
Natsu chuckled and snuggled in closer. "When I'm ready. I'm totally not ready right now, but when I am."
Gray nodded, accepting that limit. When they finally reach that milestone, they both would need to be in a good mental and emotional place, and the past twenty-four hours had been anything but that.
Natsu bit his lip. He could hardly believe he had blurted all of that out. "I'm sorry if it makes it awkward, but…" He laughed bashfully and tucked his head down into Gray's chest. "I want a family with you," he whispered. "At least mentally, I'm there."
What immense progress that much have been! Gray felt intensely proud of his boyfriend for reaching a level like this. Dreaming of living together was one thing, but what Natsu needed to imagine in order to reach that level on confidence was something far, far more intimate and monumental.
Gray whispered his name, so proud of him, wanting so much to help him overcome the darkness of his past and move forward. He gave Natsu a firm, appreciative kiss.
Natsu blushed, glad Gray seemed to want the same thing. A family! "Just give me time."
"I think we both need time."
He cursed under his breath. All the dread from earlier felt like a foggy dream. He could hardly believe he had let Natsu bind him, yet the faintly lingering ache in his wrists told him that it really happened. The weariness in his body and the slowly shrinking erection poking him in the thigh all told him that the events from his near-panic attack in the guild to now were all totally real. The baby, Emilia, changing the diaper, breaking down in Natsu's arms … this was all real.
He felt grounded at last, stable in the present moment, tired and satisfied and comforted in a warm embrace.
"Stay with me," he whispered, stroking his fingers through Natsu's hair. "At least for a few days, just … 'til … until I get over this."
Natsu nodded and hugged around him. He would let Happy know later. "Did you call your shrink?"
"Yeah, we set up an appointment for a few days. She's out of town, but she said she'll come back as soon as she can. I'll be her first patient." He laughed wryly. "She sounded worried."
"I'm worried," Natsu confessed, "but I know you're going to be okay. You're tough."
"Yeah," he murmured with a relieved smile. He had Natsu's support, and when the two of them teamed up, no one in the world could defeat them. He sank into the warmth of the Fire Dragon Slayer's arms and sighed, "…Natsu."
"I'm here," he whispered gently, taking hold of Gray's hand as they cuddled and squeezing his fingers as he lay on Gray's chest and listened to his heart. "I'm staying by your side Gray. No matter what." His eyes drifted off, melancholy and tormented, and he whispered with determination, "No matter what!"
End of Chapter 72
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