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Dangerous Territory	By : Rhov Category: +. to F > Attack on Titan /Shingeki No Kyojin Views: 4227 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own “Shingeki no Kyojin” and do not make money from this fanfic.

Chapter List
- 72
- 73
- 74
Chapter 73
Full Moon

They finished off their bottles, gathered their bags, and climbed out of the archaeological dig site. Eren offered to place the bag of croissants with his shopping bag from the bookstore to limit what they needed to carry. Then they left the sanctuary of the church-turned-military-warehouse.
Levi took them back out to the Esplanade. With the shopping bag on his arm and Levi by his side, Eren truly felt like they were on a date. They strolled slowly arm-in-arm, simply enjoying the feeling of warmth radiating from one another. They said nothing, knowing they could not speak in English out in the open like this. Besides, what was there to say that a squeeze of their hands could not convey?
Like their rainy night trip on Rosh Hashanah, Eren walked down to the Moselle and to Moyen Pont, the bridge looking toward Temple Neuf. The sun was starting to sink into the west, illuminating the sky in hues of pink and purple, and these bright colors reflected off the river.
They walked to the middle of the bridge, Eren set his bag down, and they waited until there was no traffic crossing. Then both sighed in relief. Finally, a moment where they could talk!
Eren whispered, “Do you remember the last time we were here?”
Levi stared forward across the water, and a tiny smile lifted his cheeks. “How can I forget?”
Eren wrapped his arm around Levi. Rather than complain, Levi loosened up and leaned into him. He always felt so safe when Eren was there.
Levi whispered, “I really missed you. I wish I could have written to you, even if I had to pretend to be that girl you married, at least to know you’re okay and you’re still alive.”
“It’s probably for the best,” Eren whispered. “The sorts of things I wrote to Louise … I regret now.”
“Just because they were perverted?” he teased.
Eren laughed wryly and shook his head. “That was only once, and only because my men were watching me and urging me to send it. I mean later. I shouldn’t have written to her when I was dealing with grief. They were … dark things.”
Levi glanced up and saw the pain in Eren’s eyes. He squeezed his hand and whispered, “I know.”
Eren looked down in surprise. “How do you know?”
Levi had not wanted to tell him, but he figured he should be honest. “Louise wrote to Carly, who told Yelena, who showed the letters to me. One was a letter from Louise, asking Carly to keep an eye on you because she was worried about your mental state. That’s how I knew you were back in Metz. The other thing she sent … was your last letter to her.”
Eren’s mouth dropped. He remembered writing that letter in the hospital. He had been so depressed, he knew he wrote some dire things, not even caring how Louise might react. Now he realized those words—losing all hope, losing the will to live—must have terrified the poor young woman.
“I’m sorry you had to read that. I never should have scared her with a letter like that. I just … I needed…”
“You needed someone to talk to,” Levi said, fully understanding that feeling. After losing Petra, he felt like he could not talk to anyone about his loss, since the other Jews he was with had suffered so much worse. It was opening up to Eren that helped him to heal.
Eren’s eyes drifted off. “That battle … we lost almost everyone. I have only three men left who can still fight.”
Levi again glanced down at the bandages on Eren’s arm. “You can talk to me about it.”
Eren smiled faintly at how Levi was being so supportive of him. “Thanks. Maybe later. I want to enjoy the day with you, not think about the past.”
Levi nuzzled against him, again trying to console him in his own way. A motorcade of trucks drove onto the bridge, rumbling noisily. Eren moved directly behind Levi, draped both arms around him, and held him in a firm embrace. To Levi, it felt like Eren was trying to shield him from that military side of the world, and he had to admit, it was nice.
After the trucks were gone and the bridge was clear, Eren felt a wave of relief. He stared out at the church across the way, then to the dark water below. His heart hurt so much. He wanted to be happy, but he felt unworthy of joy.
In a breath of a whisper, he asked, “Have you ever stared over a bridge and wanted to jump in?”
“Almost every time,” Levi confessed.
“I feel … like jumping. Like I don’t deserve this.”
Levi glanced up in concern. “Deserve what?”
Eren’s gaze was trapped somewhere far away. “To be happy. To be alive. I feel like I shouldn’t be,” he confessed softly. “I should have died in that battle, died with my men, died saving them. I couldn’t even do that.”
“Are you questioning God?”
Eren jolted at the unexpected words. “What?”
“If God really is in charge of this universe, then God is the one who spared you. So don’t say things like I shouldn’t be alive. You are, because you’re meant to be here.”
Eren closed his eyes. “After what I’ve seen, I question if there really is a God.”
“That’s common, and it’s a reason I wasn’t religious for most of my life. It’s why I still don’t know for certain if God exists. It seems so preposterous. All the pain in this life: how could it exist if there’s a God around who could stop it? I’ve heard many excuses and explanations, from both rabbis and priests, and most of it is bullshit.”
Eren’s brow furrowed. “How did you find God again?”
“Like I said, I’m still not sure, but I have to believe in something. At least for now, to stay sane in this chaos, I need to think God has a plan, a reason for everything, and I’m just too far down the chain of command to know what that reason is.”
Eren smiled at that thought. “Too far down the chain of command. I know that feeling.”
“Precisely. You don’t always know why you need to defend a hill, but you do what you must. You figure out why later.”
“Would God even have a plan for us anymore? In every battle in the Bible, there’s one side God supported, and one side God did not. I used to think, with our swift victories, we had God’s blessing, but now … I feel like God has abandoned us, because Deutschland abandoned God. There is a song we used to sing in Hitlerjugend.” Quietly, with a slight singsong cadence, knowing the lyrics by heart from a childhood spent singing it, Eren recited, “Wir brauchen keine christliche Tugend, denn unser Führer Adolf Hitler ist stets unser Mittler. Nicht Christus folgen wir, sondern Horst Wessel, fort mit Weihrauch und Weihwasserkessel. Ich bin kein Christ, kein Katholik. Ich geh mit S.A. durch dünn und dick. Die Kirche kann mir gestohlen werden…” Eren broke into tears reciting the words he used to sing with ignorant gusto. “Das Hakenkreuz … ist Erlösung auf Erden.”
“What does that mean?” Levi whispered.
He thought about that ancient church with stones laid only a few centuries after the death of Christ. He looked across the water at the beautiful modern church, built by Germans who came to Metz, found only Catholic churches, and wanted a Protestant one. “It says, we do not need Christian virtues, we do not follow Christ. ‘I am not a Christian, not a Catholic. I go with S.A. through thin and thick.’ Why would we have sung that?” he cried out. “Ignore das Kreuz, the Cross, because we have das Hakenkreuz?”
“The swastika,” Levi muttered.
“Why would they have us sing that? Why have children sing that? From an early age, we were taught to give up on God, on Christ, on religion itself. Why?” he shouted.
“Shh!” Levi hissed in warning. They might be in the middle of a bridge and far from anyone else, but a raised voice could travel far over the water.
Eren sank and stared out hollowly toward the church sitting on an island in the middle of the Moselle. “If God does exist, he gave up on Deutschland long ago. Maybe a sacrifice of atonement is needed, like how you give up food for Yom Kippur to atone for sins. Maybe it’s our turn to find atonement as a nation, a sacrifice of blood.”
Levi shook his head. “God doesn’t demand human sacrifices.”
“Then Kollektivstrafe, collective punishment. God did that against the Jews many times.”
“Even if God wanted to punish Nazis, he wouldn’t punish you.”
“Why not? I am a Nazi.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Check my wallet. I still have my card. My Briefmarken are current.”
“You don’t believe what they do.”
Eren stared ahead with cold eyes. “I still believe in some of it. I’m still a socialist and a nationalist…”
“You’re not a Nazi.”
Eren pouted in disagreement. “Maybe at one time I started to believe that I wasn’t.”
Levi looked worried. “Did something change?”
Eren looked down at his arms. Just under the uniform, he could see the bandages, and he could feel the constant fiery pain of the burns. Slowly, he said, “I had to keep my men inspired, and that meant shouting the same things I’ve heard for years: heil victory, heil Hitler, die Ehre für das Vaterland zu sterben. Um, the honor of dying for the fatherland.”
He thought back to those moments in battle, relying on raw patriotism, nationalism, and fanaticism to send men to charge to their deaths.
“It’s one thing to hear it being said,” Eren muttered. “It’s another to shout it yourself. I was like that before, back in Anzio. I felt like I was … losing myself. Then I met you. The whole time I was with you, I felt like you were slowly pulling me away from the ledge of a cliff. This time, I feel like … like I fell right over that cliff. I became what they wanted me to become!” He stared out and whispered in a mere breath, “I became that monster.”
“Then I will drag your arse back and slap you until you wake up out of their bullshit propaganda nightmare.” He reached out. “Eren…”
However, his hand landed on the bandaged arm. Eren pulled away with a hiss of pain. Levi looked down at the wounds, and his head sank.
“I don’t know what sort of Hell you saw out there,” he whispered, “but I know the sort of man you are—”
“I was,” Eren cut in. “I’m not that man anymore. Today, I almost shot a civilian just because he grew out his mustache.” Quietly, in shame, he confessed, “Just a couple hours ago, I nearly put a bullet in my head.”
Levi jolted and looked up in horror.
“I don’t want to be the sort of man they want, but if I’m not … I don’t think I could live with myself. I need to be a monster, because otherwise … it means facing the truth.”
“What truth? That some balding general sitting in a fancy office sent you on a suicide mission? That’s his fault, and their deaths are on his hands, not yours.”
“Not just that. I didn’t just shoot Americans. I burned them. I can still smell it.” He whispered, “I should have burned as well.”
“No.”
“I deserve it.”
“That was war. You need to let it go.”
Eren let out an angry scoff and pulled away. “You don’t understand. I didn’t have to take that Flammenwerfer. I could have just used it to scare them, push them back. But no. I wanted them to suffer. I felt … thrilled … burning them to death. And then I felt sick.”
Levi let out a sigh. His poor little soldier boy! “You really did see Hell.”
“And got burned.” Tears came to his eyes. “I don’t think I can live with myself after this. Part of me … doesn’t want to. Jump off a bridge or shoot myself in the head, anything, just end the pain of living.”
Levi grabbed Eren and cradled him as his body shook, but he stubbornly strained to hold back tears, especially since they were in public.
“You’re stronger than that,” Levi whispered. “You’re a soldier, a warrior, a strong and brave man. Whatever happened in that battle, you can live with it, work through it, and become a better man.”
Eren gnashed out, “I don’t deserve to live after all I’ve done!”
“You deserve to live long enough to atone. Hell, I’m still atoning for all I did in the past. Do you think I don’t deserve to live?”
“You never burned a person alive!”
“And you’ve never killed a little girl’s mother right in front of her.”
Eren raised his head up, shocked by the confession.
“Yeah, that happened once,” Levi muttered. “In my defense, I didn’t know the daughter was there until after the mother was dead, but … that still haunts me. At least you were fighting a battle and killing soldiers. I murdered innocent people simply because they knew too much. Yet I came to the conclusion that I’m still alive because I need to atone. God won’t let me die until I do. Now, you are the same.”
“I’m alive as punishment from God?” Eren asked skeptically.
“You’re alive to prove yourself worthy of your mother giving birth to you.”
Levi knew that evoking his mother like that was a cheap shot, but it worked. Eren’s face changed. Suddenly, he was thinking about someone other than himself, taking his mind off his own soul-rending agony.
Levi took Eren’s hand and squeezed it. How he wished he could shelter Eren from the war! At this point, he would be willing to kidnap him and force him to leave the military behind, hide him with the Resistance, and demand that he wait until after the battle was over before letting him go. Anything to save him from experiencing even more pain and suffering.
Eren muttered, “Can we not talk about the war?”
Levi stroked his thumb over Eren’s hand. “Of course. Let’s talk about something better.”
Eren wrapped his arms around Levi again and whispered in his ear, “You did very well taking my mind off things earlier. Maybe you can kiss me and keep my mind on you.”
Levi felt his face light up like a flame. “Shut up, takhshet.”
Despite grumbling, he tiptoed up and gave Eren a kiss. He felt Eren’s arms squeeze far too tightly, crushing his ribs and nearly lifting him off his feet. Levi flinched, but he allowed it. He could put up with a little discomfort if it helped to heal Eren’s soul.
Slowly, Eren loosened the hold, but he did not pull his lips away. He leaned over to kiss deeper. Levi felt Eren’s tongue lick, a silent request for invitation, and so he parted his lips. Eren surged in, and Levi felt his back pressed up against the bridge. It was scary and so weird, being kissed by a man out in the open like this; however, the gentleness of Eren’s lips and the warmth of his breath was too sweet to stop.
He would let Eren do anything he needed, if it kept his mind off the darkness and convinced him to keep on living.
A military truck rumbled over the bridge, and some of the soldiers riding in the back whistled and shouted at Eren, apparently encouraging him to enjoy his lady. The two of them pulled away, unsure just how long they had been standing there kissing. Eren’s cheeks turned red at their shouts, and Levi thought that look of humiliation was adorable.
As traffic cleared again, Eren’s head dipped down to whisper hotly into his ear. “What were you planning for tonight?”
Levi felt flustered and turned to look over the water again, away from Eren and those heated eyes. He wondered, what did he really want? This had been his idea. He simply was not ready to be separated from Eren, not when he finally got to see him for the first time in over a month.
Of course, they would do more than walk around the city and talk. A lot more, if things worked out. Levi wondered if he would still have problems with intimacy. He sure didn’t in the wine cellar! But what if Eren wanted more than touches?
Was he ready for sex? Would it bring up nightmares? He truly had no idea.
“I know what I want.” Eren moved to stand right behind Levi, enveloping him in his arms, and his lips softly tugged on Levi’s earlobe. “I want to get you somewhere private, take off all these silly clothes, touch you all over,” he whispered as his hands stroked clandestinely across Levi’s chest, “and … I want to taste you more,” he breathed in sinful softness.
“Shit!” Levi hissed quietly. Didn’t Eren realize how sexy his voice was? And he was in a dress! If he got aroused wearing clothes like this, it would be very, very bad.
Eren’s lips still toyed with his ear. “When I was away, I would think about sucking you like that. It made me so hard, remembering how you felt in my mouth, how good you tasted, the sound of your moans…”
“Eren, seriously, shut up!” Levi yanked his blue coat around him tighter, hoping that would hide anything stirring up front.
Eren smirked at riling Levi up. A naughty part of him wondered just how far he could get away with seducing Levi in public. Like those soldiers in the truck, anyone casually seeing the two would merely think it was a German soldier with his lady. He could even nestle his crotch up against Levi’s ass, and no one would think much of it besides maybe a little too much public display of affection.
Then again, he did not want to risk Levi’s safety.
As another military truck jostled by, they both fell silent, watching some ducks floating by on the river as the sun sank lower into the west and stained the sky red. Eren thought to himself, this was the end of a dark day, and hopefully the beginning of a beautiful evening.
“Can you spend the night?”
“Yes,” Levi whispered. He at least wanted that much.
“Are you free tomorrow?”
He wanted to tell him yes, that he was free to indulge for as long as they could, but Levi hesitated. “I should probably at least check in, make sure they don’t think I ran off. Plus I want to know what Yelena is up to and make sure she doesn’t get herself killed.”
“If she’s up to no good, perhaps it would be better to stay away for a while, at least until she’s done. If she gets in trouble—”
Levi cut him off, “If she gets in trouble, someone needs to be there to organize the others.”
“Not you!” he suddenly snapped.
Levi turned his face up to look at Eren as his voice turned angry. “Why not?”
Eren pursed his lips and scowled.
Levi gazed back out to the church. They both heard a motorcycle coming onto the bridge, and they were silent until it passed. Then Levi whispered, “Are you mad that I’m with the Resistance?”
Eren’s brow furrowed. Was he happy about that? Of course not! It was one thing when Levi was just a French civilian getting help from the Resistance. Now he was a rebel fighter. He truly was Eren’s enemy. Still…
“I can’t be angry. I’ve been off killing Americans, and they’re here to liberate you. If anything, you should be mad at me.”
“You’re just doing your job. Same as me.”
“I don’t want to think about my job right now,” Eren said, scowling as he tried to shove those dark thoughts away again.
“Talk about it when you feel ready, but realize, you probably won’t feel any better until you talk about it.”
Eren nuzzled the back of Levi’s neck. “Is that coming from experience?”
“Definitely. I knew I was haunted by my past, but I thought that was just how my life would always be, hearing their screams in nightmares, and I was okay with that.” He added softly, “Until the days I wasn’t okay at all.”
Like when he was stuck in the dungeon, all alone and in the dark, only getting a little bit of light and some conversation when the Jews returned from a day of slave labor, trapped with the nightmares until he felt like he was going insane.
“Talking to you helped. I’ve finally found peace with losing Petra, and some of those voices faded away. Not all of them, but then again, I didn’t tell you every story.”
“I’d like to hear them all,” Eren whispered.
“There were many years where I did some shitty things. It’ll take a long time to tell you about everything.”
Eren smiled and held Levi closer. “Then you’ll have to stay with me for as long as it takes … and hopefully a lot longer.”
“Brat,” Levi mumbled as his cheeks warmed up.
Eren wriggled his nose through the blond wig until he pushed through to the side of Levi’s neck. He kissed along the edge, listening to the soft hums of pleasure. He kissed down until the blue coat blocked his lips, then nibbled his way back up. Tiny kisses fluttered along his skin until he reached Levi’s ear.
He was ready to whisper more, but he caught sight of someone coming up along the bridge.
“Scheiße,” Eren hissed.
A deep voice boomed out, “Eren Jäger, du bist es wirklich.” That really is you.
Eren pulled back, and Levi lowered his head. He had caught sight of the soldier just briefly and recognized Reiner Braun right away.
Shit! Shit, shit, shit! Someone who might recognize him!
“Reiner, it’s good to see you again,” Eren said, and he stepped away from Levi to greet his old childhood friend. “Have they not sent you out to defend the forts yet?”
“Not yet. I went to your hotel a few weeks ago looking for you. They said you were sent north.”
Eren scowled. “Did you hear about what happened in Machern-bei-Metz?”
“I think everyone heard. Don’t tell me you were there. How did you survive?”
“I almost didn’t. Only three men in the entire company are still fit for duty, and I’m on medical leave as I deal with a concussion and these burns.” He raised his sleeve to show the bandages.
“That’s a shame. What about the other officers? Woermann? Dietrich? Schultz? Were there others in your company? It’s been a while.”
“Gunther Schultz died. Captain Woermann and Ian Dietrich were injured, not severely, but enough so that they were in the army hospital when Machern-bei-Metz was destroyed. I was in charge of the company right at the end. None of the other platoons made it out. A small handful of mine did, only because some of us were away on a rescue mission when the Americans made their attack. I lost the rest. I lost the whole company,” he whispered.
Ian Dietrich did not blame him for the loss of his entire platoon. After all, he was pragmatic; they lost a whole battalion, so it was no one’s fault but the Americans. Jarnach had visited him in the hospital and tried to encourage him that at least Eren brought some men back home, which made him better than any of the other officers who ended up leaving the battlefield with their wounds, or dying when the city hall was demolished. Such encouragement did not help the sinking feeling of failure.
Reiner shook his head. “Tomorrow, you and I will go drinking. I see you’re a little … preoccupied today,” he said, smiling over at the blond who kept looking out toward the river. “Another tiny shy one?”
Eren tried to recall, did Reiner know he married Louise? Had he met her? If so, would he recall what she looked like? It had been over a month, after all. While he and Levi agreed that they would use Louise as a cover story, if he could avoid lying, he rather would.
So Eren flashed a smile. “What can I say? I left the hospital this afternoon, and I found this little bluebird two hours later. A man needs to get back into the game, right?”
“You attack quickly!” Reiner exclaimed with a good-natured laugh.
“It’s the German way. A blitzkrieg into her panties.”
“Careful, you might scare her away with talk like that.”
“Unlikely. She barely speaks a word of German.”
“Even better, in my opinion. Less conversation means more time for sex.”
“And here my platoon kept wondering why I preferred French girls. At least you get it.”
“I do, and I wish I could find one who wasn’t a prostitute.” Reiner slapped Eren on the shoulder. “I’ll stop by your hotel tomorrow evening. We’ll go drinking, and we’ll sing songs to honor your lost men.”
Eren lowered his eyes as he thought back to the last time they all sat around the beer hall and Reiner sang for them. “They really did love your singing.”
“Enjoy your day … and especially your night.” Reiner tipped his hat to Levi. “Einen schönen Abend, meine Dame.” Have a nice evening, my lady. Then Reiner turned and marched back toward the Esplanade, where he had been on a walk along the river.
Eren let out a deep sigh. Maybe standing on a bridge in a high-traffic area was not the best idea. He glanced over to Levi. “Do you know of any other good spots?”
Levi saw the ache in Eren’s face again, and he realized Reiner must have brought up the battle. He walked up to Eren, hooked their arms together, and rested his hand on top, being careful of the burns.
“Follow my lead.”
They returned to the Esplanade, walking nice and slow again along the paved path of the park as the last light of day faded into twilight. Then Levi headed east, into the heart of the city. A cold mist rose from the river, seeping through the gloaming, tendrils of fog slithering into every alley, adding a layer of protection for anyone who wanted to sneak around the city.
At first, Eren assumed they were going to another secret location, but as the streets of Metz were swallowed by thick fog and shadows, he realized that Levi was simply taking a slow, meandering walk, weaving along deserted pathways he knew. They were empty, many were dirty, and there were plenty of places where a person could hide. Most importantly, they did not meet up with any soldiers.
Were these streets the French Resistance used since they were abandoned?
Eren tried not to think about it. Maybe Levi only learned about these empty streets so he could get around without meeting up with soldiers who might harass him. Still, the thought lingered in the back of his mind.
Levi was a member of the French Resistance!
He was a threat to Germany!
Enemies of Germany must die!
Shut up!
“I know it’s not the most scenic route,” Levi muttered as they went through a murky alleyway, “but you don’t have to look so miserable.”
“Sorry,” Eren whispered. “I guess I have a lot on my mind.”
Levi suddenly stopped and pushed Eren up against the brick wall of the dark alley they were in. Eren stumbled backward in surprise.
“A lot on your mind?” he said, sounding peeved. “I get to see you for the first time in over a month, and you have a lot on your mind?”
Eren gulped. Why was it, when Levi got angry, he looked even sexier?
“Well, I’ll have to take a lot off your mind.”
Levi tiptoed up so his lips could reach Eren. In reality, he had been searching these narrow streets for one that might work for them to talk and kiss. So far, he felt none were completely safe. Even here, with no street lights around, Levi feared a patrol may march through at any moment.
Still, he needed to kiss Eren. He drank in the scent of him, savored the taste of his mouth, and indulged in the way Eren’s hands grabbed around him and pulled him in just a little tighter.
Levi pulled back, his wet lips popping, and he smiled at the flush on Eren’s youthful cheeks. “What are you thinking about now?”
Eren flashed a seductive smirk. “Something that can’t be repeated in public.”
Levi gave him another kiss as a reward. “Then you’ll have to tell me later tonight.”
“Or I can show you.”
Levi snorted and pulled back. “We’ll see.”
They linked arms again. Levi left the alleys and backstreets, returning to a main avenue.
Up ahead, he heard music. Eren drifted through the fog toward the sound of a piano and soothing tenor voice. There were lights, and the mist seemed to part for this little area of Metz.

There, he saw an impromptu dance. Someone had set up a gramophone, and its massive bell amplified the music of a German song playing on a record. A few soldiers stood around, drinking bottles of beer and singing the words to the sweet ballad.
Around them, lovers had gathered, locals and soldiers alike: Wehrmacht and SS uniforms, businessmen in suits, laborers in coveralls, old couples with gray hair who had seen wars before, each man dancing with a woman, their bodies swaying to the song, some of them dancing scandalously close.
https://youtu.be/ew7JMRYHMCQ

Ach wie ist’s möglich dann,
Daß ich dich lassen kann!
Hab’ dich von Herzen lieb,
Das glaube mir!
Du hast das Herze mein
So ganz genommen ein,
Daß ich kein’ Andre lieb’,
Als dich allein!

Oh, how is it possible then
For me to let you go!
I love you with all my heart,
Believe me!
You have this heart of mine
So completely conquered
That I love no one else
But you alone!
Eren suddenly turned to Levi. “Let’s dance.”
He jolted. “What?”
“Dancing. Can you dance?”
Levi was still stunned. “I … used to.” How many years had it been? Petra had hated to dance in public, but she would dance with Levi in the kitchen, listening to their little windup phonograph.
Eren pulled Levi over to the dancers. Levi began to reach toward Eren as if to lead, only to see Eren ready to grab him similarly. They paused, laughed, and Levi readjusted.
Of course, dressed as a woman, he had to follow.
He placed his left hand on Eren’s shoulder, Eren grasped hold of Levi’s waist, and they took hold of each other’s hands. Then they both stepped forward and crashed together. Levi sneered, realizing that he would have to completely change the way he had learned how to dance. Still, he was quick to adjust. They tried again, Eren stepped forward as Levi stepped back, and they fell in time with the song.
Part of Levi was nervous. He was so close to other dancers! He also realized, no one was looking at them. The dancers were all gazing into the eyes of their lovers. The singers were drunk and barely bothered to look at the dancing mob. Anyone else passing by would only see a soldier and a blonde in a flower-print dress and blue coat.
Blau blüht ein Blümelein,
Das heißt Vergißnichtmein:
Dies Blümlein leg’ ans Herz
Und denk’ an mich!
Stirbt Blum’ und Hoffnung gleich,
Wir sind an Liebe reich,
Denn sie stirbt nie bei mir,
Das glaube mir!

A little flower blooms blue,
Its name is forget-me-not:
Put this little flower close to your heart
And think of me!
Even if flower and hope die,
We are still rich in love,
For it will never die in me,
Trust in that!
Levi was stunned to see that Eren was quite skilled at dancing. When had he learned? Maybe as a child, dancing with his mother in the kitchen? Had he learned in school? He knew Eren attended that German military academy, so it was doubtful he learned there. Had he danced a lot before the war? With women, or men? It was doubtful he could have danced with a man before. Was he his first male dance partner?
He had so many questions, and it reminded him, he still knew so little about Eren.
He wanted to know everything!
“Ich hatte heute Abend unglaublich viel Spaß.” I had a lot of fun tonight.
Eren gazed into Levi’s gray-blue eyes. Here, swaying to music, people whispering to their lovers, he felt he could talk freely, and especially speaking in German so Levi would not understand a single word he said.
“From the moment I first saw you,” he told Levi in German, “I thought right away, you were very handsome. I was struck by your eyes, how fierce and how beautiful they were. Maybe that’s why, from the very start, I wanted to protect you. Your eyes,” he whispered, gazing across Levi’s face, “showed me that you knew the same darkness of this world that I also had seen. Now I know, you’ve seen far worse. You’ve experienced things no person should.
“I’m starting to understand why you always call me a child. I truly had no experience in what this world can be like. I’d only seen a tiny glimpse. Even now, I’m sure that what happened to me is nothing like what you’ve experienced. Yet you survived, while I was ready to give up. You are so much stronger than me. More and more, I admire your will to live on. I wish I was brave and determined like you. You inspire me to be a better man.”
He leaned forward, and Levi gazed on in shock as Eren gave him a kiss, right there, in front of dozens of people. It set his heart racing in both fear of someone realizing these were two men kissing, and something warmly comforting that flowed through his veins.
Wär’ ich ein Vögelein,
Bald wollt’ ich bei dir sein,
Scheut Falk’ und Habicht nicht,
Flög schnell zu dir.
Schöß mich ein Jäger tot,
Fiel ich in deinen Schooß;
Säh’st du mich traurig an,
Gern stürb’ ich dann!

If I were a little bird,
I’d want to be with you soon;
I wouldn’t be afraid of falcons or hawks,
I would quickly fly to you;
If a hunter shot me dead,
I’d fall down into your lap;
If you looked at me sadly,
I’d be happy to die.
The song ended on a gentle but somber note. The sound of record scratches tore the night, until the next song began.
This one immediately had the drunk soldiers swaying and singing along to the operatic tenor, their out-of-tune voices clashing but also showing the love for music that resided in the hearts of the German people. The dancers followed the music, and Levi let himself be led along.
Eren squeezed his hand and smiled to himself. Under his breath, he whispered, “My mother loved this song.”
Du, du liegst mir im Herzen,
Du, du liegst mir im Sinn.
Du, du machst mir viel Schmerzen,
Weißt nicht, wie gut ich dir bin.
Ja, ja, ja, ja, weißt nicht wie gut ich dir bin.

You, you are in my heart,
You, you are in my mind.
You, you cause me much pain,
You don’t know how good I am for you.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, you don't know how good I am for you.
Eren continued, and although Levi did not understand a word, he heard the soft conviction in his voice.
“I can’t remove the pain of your past,” Eren told him in German, “but I want to create a better future. With you! I want to build a world that is free from hate, from fear, from every shred of darkness. A safe, warm, gentle world, where you’ll never hurt again. Where I can love you and not fear I’m going to get you killed. I hope we can create that world together.”
So, so wie ich dich liebe
So, so liebe auch mich.
Die, die zärtlichsten Triebe
Fühle ich ewig für dich.
Ja, ja, ja, ja, fühle ich ewig für dich.

So, so as I love you
So, so love me too.
The, the tenderest desires
I feel forever for you.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, I feel forever for you.
Eren squeezed Levi to him even closer, swaying while crushing him in a hug.
“I know you’ll leave Europe one day,” he whispered in German, “but I want to follow you. I used to think I’d just pay you a visit, but now…” He sighed, almost laughed, and was really glad Levi could not understand him. “I think, when I go to visit you, I won’t be going back home. Or I should say, I’ll have finally found home. We can start to build that idyllic future there, a future of acceptance and tolerance. I hope—I pray—it will spread around the globe. I want all people, Germans and French and … everyone,” he muttered, knowing he should not say the word Jews. “Everyone living in peace. Even people like us. Perhaps, simply us being together will be enough to show the world how to coexist.”
Doch, doch darf ich dir trauen
Dir, dir mit leichtem Sinn?
Du, du kannst auf mich bauen.
Weißt ja wie gut ich dir bin!
Ja, ja, ja, ja, weißt ja wie gut ich dir bin!

But, but may I trust you
You, you with a light mind?
You, you can count on me.
You know how good I am to you!
Yes, yes, yes, yes, you know how good I am to you!
He smiled tenderly at Levi. “All this time, I’ve been fighting for people who would destroy that gentle world. I can’t undo what I’ve done, resurrect those I’ve killed, or remove my past support for ideologies that were designed to slaughter people like you and me. So I promise you, one day, I will fight just as hard to create a safe world for you, as I have spent the past few months destroying your world and all the happiness you once knew.” He leaned his forehead against Levi’s and swore, “Ich verspreche, dich für immer glücklich zu machen.”
Levi leaned in as well, feeling so close to him, and whispered straight into his ear, “Tell me what you just said.”
Eren smiled as he let his lips flutter right against Levi’s ear. “No.”
“You damn brat!” he whispered under the music.
“I know,” Eren chuckled.
They did not speak more, simply holding each other, feeling their bodies sway to the song while a deep warmth settled in their souls.
Und, und wenn in der Ferne,
Mir, mir dein Bild erscheint,
Dann, dann wünscht ich so gerne
Daß uns die Liebe vereint.
Ja, ja, ja, ja, daß uns die Liebe vereint.

And, and if in the distance,
To me, to me your image appears,
Then, then I wish so much
That we were united in love.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, that we were united in love.

* * *
After a few songs, they drifted away from the music and strolled back down to the river. Rather than the busier area around the Esplanade, Eren went south until the houses and docks ceased, and the river path turned to dirt with only barren trees. Here, the fog was only faint streamers of silver glowing in the full moon’s glory.
The night was quiet, the moon glistened on the Moselle, and all they could hear were crickets, the hoot of an owl, and the crunching of their own shoes on the gravel.
Eren made a small patrol of the shoreline before sighing in relief.
“We can talk here.”
Levi scoffed as he leaned against a tree and shook out his sore foot. “I wonder what disgusting things you’ve been saying to me all night.”
“I think I was flirting quite well.”
Levi made a noise of revulsion as he took his shoes off and stretched his feet out on the soft soil.
“Are you okay?” Eren asked in concern.
“I probably shouldn’t walk much more.” He flexed his toes, then put the shoes back on before his foot had time to swell. He really hated dressing like this. The wig itched, the shoes ached, and his legs felt so exposed. How could a woman put up with all the drafts up the skirt?
Eren wrapped his arms around Levi and pressed him up against the tree. “Then we’ll go back to my place and see where the night takes us.” He caressed Levi’s cheek and gazed adoringly into his eyes. “Would you like me to tell you what I was saying while we were dancing?”
“Do I really want to know?” he asked with an irritated glare.
“Ich verspreche, dich für immer glücklich zu machen. I promise to make you happy forever.”
Levi stared at him in shock before yanking away and walking closer to the river. “You’re insane. No one can be happy forever.”
Eren tilted his head with a smile of amusement. He walked up beside Levi and tried to peer around to see his face, but Levi only turned again, desperate to avoid him. “Are you blushing?”
“Shut up,” he snapped peevishly.
“Nichts auf der Welt kann mich dazu bringen, dich nicht mehr zu lieben.”
“Now what poetic shit are you saying?”
“Nothing in the world can make me stop loving you.”
Levi’s face turned further away as he could feel his cheeks burning hot. “Idiot,” he grumbled to hide how happy that made him. “Being with me … it’s such a risk.”
He chuckled playfully and taunted, “Why, Levi Ackerman, I didn’t know you cared about me that much.”
Levi spun around to him, his mouth opened as if to shout a protest, only to slam his lips shut and growl.
Eren smirked at the frustration puckering Levi’s lips. “It wouldn’t be much of a life if I gave you up.”
He took Levi’s chin and turned his face up so he could see his eyes reflecting the full moon. His thumb brushed over his pouty lower lip, relaxing it. Although the silvery moonlight hid the color, he felt just how hot Levi’s cheeks were.
“I thought life wasn’t worth the pain. I was ready to end it all. It hurt too much, all of it. In the end, it was the thought of you that made me reconsider. Just thinking about you saved me. So maybe loving you is risking my life, but losing you would destroy my reason for living.”
Levi ached to realize that Eren had hurt so deeply, he felt death was preferable. He came so close to losing him in war, only to almost lose him from the trauma of surviving. He reached up, caressed the soft cheeks, and whispered, “Please promise me, you won’t end your life yourself. No matter how much it hurts, fight on! Fight for the future you want to create, even when the present moment created by others is a shitty mess!”
Eren smiled at hearing Levi’s determination. “Another thing I said tonight: I admire your strength, your bravery, your stubborn will to never give up. You inspire me to be a better man.”
Levi let out a soft scoff. “A better man? You’re still a little boy, takhshet.”
Eren leaned over and pressed their noses together. “You’re so adorable when you act like a cranky old man.”
He gave Levi a kiss, yet as Eren pulled away, a magnetic pull drew him back in. His kiss pressed firmer. Levi’s lips were so warm, so inviting.
He wanted more!
He slipped his tongue in with a moan escaping his throat. Levi’s tongue met his. He tasted the sweetness of Fanta still wafting around his mouth.
More!
Eren grabbed at Levi and did not realize he was getting too aggressive until Levi lost his balance. He had been having trouble with the heels anyway, but now, on the soft river shore, he nearly fell. Eren caught him, but rather than righting him, he eased Levi down. Those gray-blue eyes widened in shock as he realized he was being lowered to the ground.
“Eren?” he whispered.
Eren gently guided him down onto the grass. He drank in the view of Levi’s face, glowing like a seraph in the moonlight. Levi gazed up at Eren. The stars and full moon glowed all around him, while the fog softened the edges like an old photograph.
His heavenly Hunter!
As Eren lowered to kiss him, Levi closed his eyes, surrendered to the euphoria, and let the torrid passion scorch him. Levi felt his lips kissed, nipped, and Eren plunged his tongue in, unable to get enough. Then he attacked Levi’s throat, tugged away a scarf that hid his Adam’s apple, and nipped all the way down to his chest. Levi groaned at the raw lust in those lips, and a heat that had only temporarily been sated earlier roared up.
Eren surged forward stronger and slammed Levi’s head down with a passionate kiss. Levi felt his wig fall off from the aggressiveness, and he hardly cared.
Eren saw the wig slip and Levi’s black hair underneath. “There’s the man I love.”
Levi glared up at him. “Were you kissing someone else?”
Eren chuckled and shook his head. He ran his fingers through Levi’s black hair, preferring the short strands. Then he leaned over, kissing even more powerfully, now that the most discomforting aspect of Levi’s disguise was gone. Levi met his kisses and grabbed him to be even closer.
This brave, powerful, fierce man was all his!
Eren stopped thinking about his surroundings, lost in the heat of the body under him. He was going by instinct now. His body began to thrust against Levi, rocking with need, grinding into him. He knew he was losing control. He kept waiting for Levi to tell him to stop, but instead, with each thrust of his hips, he felt Levi getting harder.
He wanted to feel more, to pleasure him again, to touch him all over. The cellar just wasn’t enough!
Levi gasped as he felt fingers sliding up under the bottom of the skirt and slither along his thighs.
“Eren!” he whispered, trembling at how sensitive his legs were and how that salacious touch sizzled his nerves.
“Should I stop?”
He did not say yes. He choked back another groan as Eren’s hand continued up until he found the lacy edge of the bloomers. They ghosted over him, fingertips dancing over the cotton, tingling and enticing him.
Eren’s breath steamed in the chilly autumn air. “Tell me. Stop, or more?”
Levi knew they should stop, but his body screamed for Eren’s touch. Sanity had fled this battlefield. Only desire remained.
“More,” he whispered.
Eren let out a sigh of relief. “Good. I need to touch you!”
His fingers slid within the underwear. It was so hot, and he felt Levi’s arousal tenting the thin fabric. He stroked against the bottom edge of the stiff cock and up to the flared tip. Eren moaned in bliss as his thumb stroked along the soft rim of the cockhead and up to the slit. It fit in his hand so perfectly, like this cock was made for him. He gripped it and slid down the shaft to the base. Levi’s whole body shivered.
Those rough fingers were cautious yet determined as they caressed up and down. Eren’s own cock ached and pressed up closer against Levi’s thigh. Their tongues twirled, and although Eren’s hand was only slowly stroking, Levi felt his breath racing. As those long fingers gave him a slight squeeze, Levi let out a moan.
That was a sound that thrilled Eren. He wanted more. Even more!
He pulled his lips away, leaned into Levi’s ear, and whispered, “Can I pull it out?”
Levi’s lips parted, ready to tell him to go ahead. He needed Eren’s touch … desperately!
Just then, a beam of light shined in their faces. Eren instantly yanked up and had his gun out.
“Halt! Wer ist da?” Halt! Who’s there?
Levi held back curses.
No! Not like this!
Instead of shouts, they heard laughs.
“Es ist eine schöne Nacht, ja?” It’s a beautiful night, yeah?
Someone else laughed, “Äh, wenn Sie noch was Zeit brauchen.” Ah, if you need more time.
“Mach weiter. Es fing gerade an, gut zu werden.” Keep going. It was just getting good.
Eren sank in relief and lowered his gun. These soldiers were simply on a patrol and mistook him for some horny soldier out for a romp with his lady.
Levi had curled into a ball with his hands over his head, and Eren realized why. Not only did he have to hide an erection, but the fact that his wig had slipped to the side. To buy him time, Eren jumped to his feet and stomped up to the soldiers.
“You three are assholes! I could have shot you.”
One of the soldiers teased, “It’s your fault for making noises like that.”
The other added, “Although, it was obvious what you two were up to.”
Eren shouted at him, “Then how about leaving a man in peace?”
The one with the light, a Stabsgefreiter and apparently the leader of the group, replied with more tact, “With all due respect, Herr Oberleutnant, we have to inspect anything suspicious.” He began to shine the light back toward Levi, but Eren smacked his arm down.
“Give her time to fix herself.”
“Go find a hotel to fuck her,” the Stabsgefreiter said sternly.
“Next time, don’t scare a man with a gun. Seriously, I nearly shot you, except I figured even shitty Americans aren’t stupid enough to shine a light right on a man like that.”
Levi struggled to stand in the heels, now with the added issue of a painful erection and trying to keep it from poking through the skirt. He was still shaking inside, and from so much more than just the shock of being discovered.
One of the soldiers moved over to him. “Hey, sweetie. Need help?”
Eren grabbed the man’s hand and crushed it until he shouted. He sneered in a warning, “Don’t touch her, you swine.”
The soldier yanked away in agony, but he merely laughed it off. “You’re strong. Nice!”
Eren wrapped an arm around Levi, who buried his head into his chest. It not only played up his role as a demure damsel, but it hid his very real humiliation and fear.
“Let’s go,” Eren whispered to him.
“Have fun, you two!” one of the men shouted after them.
Eren’s boots walked a little too quickly, and Levi struggled to keep up on the dirt path. He tripped, but Eren’s arm grabbed him so tightly, he lifted Levi right off the ground. He was carrying him back, and seemed to not even realize it.
After a minute, Levi glanced around and realized they were once again alone on an empty road heading back to the main sector of Metz. “That was foolish.”
“I know,” he seethed. “Verdammt, I know! I can’t help it.”
“Eren…”
He snapped, “Was willst du?” What do you want?
Levi paused, cautious about that flare of rage in his voice. He knew Eren was not mad at him, but his emotions were volatile. “Put me down.”
“Huh?” Only then did Eren realize he was carrying Levi, crushed up against his side. “Oh!” He released the hold on his waist, and Levi’s feet finally touched the ground.
Levi shook his head. Snapping in anger, not realizing his strength—he guessed the fear of capture drove up some of those darker emotions. He wrapped Eren’s arm around his and held his hand, rubbing his thumb over the gold wedding ring.
“Let’s walk back to your place.”
Eren felt his shoulders sag. “I’m sorry. I lost control.” He laughed awkwardly as his fingers squeezed Levi’s hand. “I missed you so much, and you kiss so good, I can’t help myself.”
“Then I won’t kiss you like that again in public.”
“No, please!” However, Eren stopped short. “Wait, not in public? Does that mean … in private?”
Levi refused to answer and turned his flushed, scowling face forward. “Let’s get going before we meet another patrol.”
They walked back to the Esplanade and climbed the steps from the river to the park. Anyone who saw them would think they were merely a couple in love.
Because that’s all they were.
Two men in love.
# # #
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The dancing scene was inspired by this drawing by Nanamiarts on Twitter. Please go give it some love. These boys need it. - https://twitter.com/nanamiarts/status/1362487907550957579
It really was a full moon on October 31, 1944. (Yes, I looked this up and set their date up for this night purely for that clear sky full moon!)
[image]
A satellite map of modern-day Metz, showing the locations of the Metz Cathedral (the fictional wine cellar is within a short walking distance of it), the Esplanade, the Basilica of Saint Pierre-aux-Nonnains, and Moyen Pont. That is quite a bit of walking for Levi to do in heels.
Levi Killing a Mother – This incident was described in the chapter “The Window in the Attic.” It was why he quit being a spy; he felt immense guilt as he realized he had traumatized a little girl by slitting her mother’s throat in front of her. You may have missed in chapter “What Was It All For,” when Levi was talking to Yelena:
“The minute you realize they have a name, a family, a child,” he said, his eyes staring off hollowly, “is the day you can no longer continue to be a soldier. At least, not without completely losing your humanity.”
He’s remembering that moment, when Levi fully realized that the people he was killing were human, and he could not continue like that anymore. It was also why he struggled so hard to stay out of the war, refusing to help the French Resistance at first. It’s a traumatizing memory for him. Now, he doesn’t kill for idealistic reasons like fighting for a cause. He kills to protect others or for self-preservation, and he fully acknowledges that each time, it’s murdering someone’s family or friend. He willingly carries that burden to protect others.
NSDAP Card and Stamps – To be a member of the Nazi Party, you paid monthly dues and got a card. The front and back had your personal info, then you opened the card up, and inside were spots for stamps that showed you were caught up on your dues. The inside held up to four years of stamps.
- https://www.originalgermanmilitaria.com/product/nsdap-membership-card-2
Gramophone – a non-electric record player, powered by cranking a handle on the side, playing 78 RPM shellac discs (while a phonograph plays a cylinder).
Ach wie ist’s möglich dann – a German folksong written by Helmina von Chézy in 1817, based on an older song from the 1700s. Helmina changed the lyrics, adding common motifs like forget-me-nots and if I was a bird to evoke romantic sentimentality.
Du, du liegst mir im Herzen – a German folksong from 1821. It has been featured in many movies, including Alfred Hitchcock’s The Lifeboat (1943), Stanley Kramer’s Judgment of Nuremberg (1961), and being sung by the great Joan Crawford in Dangerous Honeymoon.
Austrian opera singer Richard Tauber is ranked as one of the greatest tenors of the 20th century, known for his gentle voice and immense breath control. With his top hat and monocle, he personified all the glitz of the weathy class during the Weimar Republic era. In 1926, Tauber went to Berlin and made a recording for gramophone of 13 folksongs, singing them all in a single take. This included the love songs mentioned in this chapter, and I absolutely imagine that Eren and Levi are dancing to a Richard Tauber record. He would end up making over 700 recordings in his life. Composer Jaromir Weinberger wrote Frühlingsstürme, called “the last Weimar Republic operetta,” specifically for Tauber and his unique voice. It premiered in Berlin in January 1933, but rioting Nazi troupes disturbed Tauber, who was of Jewish ancestry. Then one night, a group of Nazi Brownshirts assaulted him in the street. Tauber called off the show after just 20 performances and left the country, first returning to his native Austria, but when that was annexed, he left to Switzerland. In retaliation, the Nazis revoked his passport and Right of Abode; he was forced to leave his savings behind in Austria and sought citizenship in England. There, he made recordings, wrote English operettas, and since there were no opera performances in the UK during the war, he gave performances over BBC radio. He remained in England for the rest of his life.
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