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Dangerous Territory	By : Rhov Category: +. to F > Attack on Titan /Shingeki No Kyojin Views: 4227 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own “Shingeki no Kyojin” and do not make money from this fanfic.

Chapter List
- 73
- 74
Chapter 74
The Mouth's Blessing

They returned to the main sector of Metz, not as bright as it once was with fears of an air strike, but there were still some lights that diffused through the fog as soldiers marched by. Eren and Levi walked slowly, not rushing into things. They wanted to stretch out this simple happiness of walking hand-in-hand together for as long as they could.
Finally, they reached the hotel. Levi paused, and Eren stopped with him.
"Are you sure you want to go in there?" whispered Eren.
Levi pouted, thinking it over. That hotel held so many conflicting memories. It had sheltered him, but it had also trapped him. It was the place with some of the warmest memories in recent years, and also the place where some of his closest brushes with death happened.
Was he sure he wanted to return?
Not really.
Was he sure he wanted to spend the night with Eren?
Absolutely!
Levi squeezed Eren's hand and nodded silently.
They crossed the street and walked into the foyer. Levi glanced around at the opulent interior, with paintings on the walls, lush carpeting, and an electric chandelier hanging from a dome above the entryway. Nothing had changed.
As they headed to the staircase, Eren heard someone shout out to him.
"Oberleutnant Jäger!"
He stopped sharply. Why did someone always have to interrupt him?
Daz was sitting on a booth against the wall, swaying drunkenly. Samuel sat next to him, trying to get Daz to drink some water.
Daz's voice slurred, "Willkommen zurück, Sie Glückspilz." Welcome back, you lucky guy. Then, giggling to himself, he repeated "Zurück glück, glück zurück."
Eren raised an eyebrow at just how drunk he was. "What happened to you?"
Samuel looked up with annoyance mixed with worry. "Madame Carly said he couldn't have a girl this week."
Daz pouted as he picked his nose. "Just because I roughed one up a little. It isn't my fault when the girl hits me first."
Eren shook his head. "You must have done something perverted, even for you."
Samuel looked over at Levi. "One of Carly's girls?"
"Not anymore. Don't you recognize my wife?"
"You're wife?" Daz cried out. "I thought she left."
"She heard that I was back in town, so she came to give me a proper greeting."
Waaah!" Daz cried out in drunken lamentation. "I wish I could find a girl like yours. Tiny girls are the best. Let me borrow her after you're done."
"Go fuck yourself."
"That's what I don't want to do. Come on, please? Help a soldier out. I don't even care if she's still full inside. She used to be a prostitute; she can take a double dose."
Eren's fist tightened and his teeth clenched that anyone would dare speak that way. Before he could leap forward, Samuel hit Daz hard across the back of the head.
"What's wrong with you? That's another man's wife you're talking about! You're a disgrace to Germany."
Eren shook his head. "If you weren't drunk, I would punch you, and I might tomorrow morning just to beat the hangover out of you. I expect a written apology addressed to my wife when you're sober, and you are not to speak to her again."
Samuel looked over to Eren apologetically. "I'll make sure he knows." He glanced over at Levi, who was keeping close to Eren but turning his face away. "She looks upset. I'm sorry, Frau Jäger. Don't take it personally; he's drunk and horny."
Eren pulled Levi away, wrapping an arm around him.
Daz called out after them. "Don't bother keeping the noise down. I could use the inspiration. It's me and my hand tonight, I guess."
Samuel snapped, "Seriously, shut your mouth, you drunken shit stain!"
Eren swept past them and stomped up the stairs, with Levi struggling to follow in his dress and heels. As they reached the second landing, Ian was heading down the stairs. Eren stopped, and Levi held back a curse. He immediately dropped his face. This officer was an observant one, far more dangerous than a drunk fool.
Ian nodded in familiarity to Eren. "Good evening, Jäger. Is Lieutenant Venable downstairs? Lieutenant Linke asked me to help get him up into his room. Apparently, he's almost started a fight with five other officers."
"I just about punched him myself," Eren grumbled. "He's in the foyer. Give him a good smack on the head for me."
"Did he insult you?"
"No, he insulted my wife."
Ian glanced over at Levi. "Frau Jäger? I thought you left Metz. Why would you come back?"
Eren was about to give the same story, that she merely heard he was in Metz and returned; however, that might be too suspicious for someone as keen as Ian Dietrich. He needed a better lie, and quickly: something that would make Ian pity Louise and leave her alone.
He replied, "The Americans came to her family's farm. Those bastards tried to rape her. One of the farmhands died fighting them off so she could escape. I told her to come here so I can secure safe passage for her to my hometown in Cuxhaven."
Ian's distinguished face gave a slight pout, the closest he got to showing compassion. "I'm sorry to hear you went through that." He shot a glare over at Eren. "You should have sent her to Germany weeks ago."
"I told her, but she wanted to be near her family during the pregnancy. I can hire a midwife to look after her instead. I just want her somewhere far away from the war."
"It's for the best," Ian said firmly. "It'll be safer in Germany. The Allies shall never breach the Westwall. Besides, it would be better for the baby to be born on German soil. You don't want your child to be raised as a Frenchman!"
"I agree." Eren smiled down at Levi. "No offense, my little bird, but I won't teach a child of mine any of your silly French words. You'll be back in the Fatherland soon."
Ian continued down the stairs, while Eren and Levi went up. Although they passed another soldier trotting down the staircase, no one else spoke to them.
On the fourth floor, Eren pulled Levi to his hotel room, unlocked the door, let him in, and immediately locked the door behind him. He let out a sigh.
Sneaking a Jew into his room.
A male Jew!
A Jew who was a member of the French Resistance!
Part of his brain was screaming at how dangerous this was, but he could not help himself. Not when it came to Levi. He would risk any danger to have a night together.
Levi walked through the room and over to the window. The view was familiar from a time that felt like a dream.
"Back here again," he whispered.
Behind him, Eren threw off his coat and cap, set down his bag with the book and pastries, and placed his gun holster on the nightstand.
Levi watched him as Eren began to remove the extra layers of his uniform. "You looked ready to kill that man."
Eren paused as he was taking off his watch. "Huh? Oh, Daz. Yeah, he said something really perverted about you. Or about Louise, I should say."
Eren set the watch down next to the holster. He paused and saw, printed on the face of the watch, was a massive swastika. Eren slowly reached back over and placed the watch facedown.
Then he walked up to the window. He had not even slept in this bed since returning to Metz, and now he would get to inaugurate it with Levi. His heart began to race as he merely thought about it.
A night to slowly pleasure one another! Not a quick and frantic release of pent-up sexual lust like the wine cellar, but pampering one another, fully exploring Levi's body and remembering every scar on his skin.
He came up behind Levi and hugged him as they both looked out the window at the foggy night. Somewhere on the street, if someone were to look up, they would see a woman with blond hair and a young lieutenant in an intimate embrace.
Eren whispered, oozing sinful temptation, "The door is locked. They can't barge in."
His hands went from protective to inquisitive. His mouth lowered to Levi's neck, sucking softly along the edge. Levi let out a soft, breathy groan as Eren's mouth found sensitive spots all along his throat.
Levi turned his head to the side, and their lips met. Eren began to caress more erotically, feeling the outline of Levi's body under the awkward dress. He rubbed all around Levi's chest, down his torso, and groped his hips, pulling him close enough to feel the plumpness of his ass pressed up against his crotch.
Levi slowly turned around in Eren's arms, and their kiss deepened. Eren pressed his hips up even closer to him, pushing Levi backward and against the window. The pane of glass was cold on Levi's back, and in front of him he felt Eren's burning excitement as his hips ground against him.
"Such a needy little boy," he teased.
"I missed you," Eren sighed wistfully.
Levi felt the same. He suddenly grabbed Eren's hips and yanked him in, forcing him to smash up against Levi's stomach. Eren let out a moan as his cock got some rough friction, and his hips pressed harder out of instinct.
Levi smirked to himself. He loved making Eren quiver.
Eren began to reach down; however, his hand stopped before groping either Levi or himself.
"May I—"
Just then, they heard a door slam shut with a bang. Eren jolted away, and his eyes flashed in terror.
"Nein! Franz! Thomas!"
Eren leaped across the bed and lunged for his gun on the nightstand. He yanked it out of the holster and instantly got down into a defensive position beside the bed with the gun straight out.
Levi froze at seeing that level of a soldier's instinct in Eren. Definitely, it was the sign of someone who had been under fire for too long. He feared to move or even speak, knowing that a soldier reacting to instinct was dangerous. Merely speaking Eren's name might make him open fire. Instead, Levi held perfectly still.
Then they heard two male voices talking casually to one another as they drifted down the hallway. Slowly, Eren's shoulders relaxed. He shook his head as the terrors faded.
No! He wasn't in a battle!
He lowered the gun, and his head sank to his knee, resting there as his heart calmed down, all over a stupid door.
"Are you better now?" whispered Levi.
Eren nodded slowly but did not straighten up. He muttered to himself, "Scheiße, was ist los mit mir?" Shit, what's wrong with me?
Levi came over, knelt beside Eren, wrapped his arms around him, and soothingly rubbed his back. "It's okay."
Eren hissed in anguish. "Sometimes I see them so clearly."
"I know," Levi said, all too familiar with the feeling. He stroked his fingers through Eren's hair.
His throat tensed up. "I … I don't understand. I'm so happy to be with you, but … I hurt."
Levi realized that Eren's American accent was completely gone. His German accent had come back fully.
Tears came to his eyes, and Eren tried to look away. "It hurts so much! The more happy I feel, the more I hate myself." He seethed in frustration. "Warum fühle ich mich so? Ich hasse es." Why do I feel this way? I hate it.
"I know the feeling," Levi muttered sadly. All day, he had worried that, at some point, this was going to bubble up.
"It feels … wrong …to be happy when my men are gone. Ich fühle mich beschissen." I feel so shitty.
Levi held him tighter and closed his eyes. "I wish I could say it goes away with time, but I would be lying. The pain dulls, but it's always there. You learn to live with it, and you learn how to forgive yourself. That's not an easy thing to do." He softly muttered, "I'm still learning. At least for me, the best I can do is realize … I'm allowed to feel happy. I'm allowed to."
Eren snuffled with gathering tears and looked over at Levi. He had suffered immense trauma too, after all. He lost his wife and child. He lost his Jewish companions. He knew exactly how it felt to be alive when all the others died.
And Eren remembered holding him just like this as Levi felt unworthy of feeling happy and in love.
"I feel … like I shouldn't be alive."
Levi quickly grabbed his hand. Oh no!
"Not that I want to die," Eren assured him, "but more like … like I'm not really alive. It's all a big mistake. I shouldn't be here. I don't have the right to be alive. The … Der … Sensenmann … I don't know if there's an English word … Sensenmann made a mistake. He should have cut me down. I should have died, and one of my men should have lived. Moblit, Thomas, Franz, Nack, any one of those men." Eren's eyes stared out hollowly, seeing the phantoms of horrors. "They should have lived. Their lives were more important!"
Levi held Eren in a soothing embrace. "All lives are important, including yours."
Eren shook his head as a tear dripped down and others choked up in his throat. "Nein! They had families. What have I got?"
"You have me!"
Eren looked over at him, and he looked like he was about to make a joking comment.
"Oh, fuck you! Am I not enough?" Levi challenged with a glaring look.
"You are," he assured. "It still hurts." His whole body jolted as he held back a sob. "Sorry."
"Don't apologize. The greatest honor in death is how long people will mourn for us. So cry for your friends. Honor them."
He did. He burst into tears. Eren suddenly ran to the bed, smothering his face down into his pillow, and he screamed out the agony of grief. Levi walked over, sat by his side, and caressed his head.
He whispered in anguish, "I really wish you never saw Hell like that."
Yes, he knew this feeling. After realizing life was worth living, sometimes that made the grief float to the surface, like oil upon water. He had experienced it himself after learning to grieve and accept Petra's death.
Eren punched the bed over and over. His whole body shuddered at the intensity of his sobbing.
He hated the happiness. He hated the warmth. He felt unworthy of the way his heart was racing. He didn't deserve happiness like this.
Even now, ghosts of his friends swirled around him, voices cried out to him, cold wisps held him in their sickly embrace, as he saw flames and smoke and the shine of blood.
He screamed it all out. Levi gave him permission to cry, and he was right: this was also a way to honor them.
"Thomas. Franz. Moblit. Verzeiht mir, dass ich als euer Kommandant versagt habe. Es tut mir Leid. Es tut mir sehr Leid, Leute." Forgive me for failing as your commander. I am sorry. I'm very sorry, everyone.
As the grief calmed down and his chest stopped shuddering, he felt Levi caressing him. He slowly rolled around and looked up at Levi sitting beside him.
He was alive!
And here they were, together.
Levi softly said, "Look at me! It wasn't a mistake that you're here. If anything, God answered my prayers."
A reluctant smile twisted painfully on Eren's face. "Did you pray that I would return?"
Levi leaned over until their foreheads touched. "Every night. God kept you alive so I could see you again, so don't feel like it's a mistake, or that it's bad of you to be in love. You're here, and I'm here, and I plan to say thanks to God for giving us a second chance!"
Eren slowly nodded. "Can … Can we pray together? Is that okay?"
Levi sat up on his knees. "Kneel, like this."
Eren shifted up, and they faced each other. Eren placed his hands together. Levi bowed his head. Silently, they both said a prayer.
Levi peeped an eye open. He still had no idea if there really was some Almighty Creator out there. The cynical side of him knew that it was just as likely that he would have been cursing God right now if Eren had died in battle. Yet here he was. Truly, it was a miracle and a prayer being answered against all odds.
Eren finally lowered his hands and opened his eyes. Just that little act, and he felt calm again.
"Better?" Levi asked, and Eren nodded. "Good. Now, realize your life is important, at least to me."
Eren's lower lip quivered. "Is it really?"
Levi cupped Eren's cheek in his hand. He saw that pouting lip trembling and felt the tension in Eren's jaw as he tried to hold back more tears. Levi leaned in and kissed him.
"Tu es si précieux pour moi, mon amour."
Eren blushed just hearing such sexy French words. "What does that mean?"
"You wouldn't translate for me earlier, so I'm not telling you."
A small laugh shook out as Eren realized that Levi was being just as bratty as him. Levi smiled softly to hear the laugh. Besides, like hell would he translate that: You are so precious to me, my love.
Eren collapsed into Levi, like he lost all energy and needed to be held up. "I'm sorry." His face cringed, and his teeth clenched in frustration. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't be this weak."
Levi wrapped his arms around him. "You're not weak. You're grieving over your soldiers, and that shows you're a good commander. A soldier should be remembered, no matter which side they were fighting for."
He pulled Eren back up and straightened out his hair. It had grown long, and he liked to play with it. Then he yanked out a wadded cloth from his blouse, something he used to pad his chest, and wiped Eren's tears away.
Eren sat there as Levi gently took care of him. "I … I missed you … so much."
A ghost of a smile flitting on Levi's lips. "I missed you too, takhshet."
Once Levi dried his face, Eren collapsed again onto him. All he could do was grab Levi, hold him with desperation, and thank God that they found each other again.
Levi stroked down Eren's back and whispered, "Tell me what you need."
He wanted to laugh at the absurdity and cry at the same time. "I need you to take my mind off everything. Keep me here and now. Don't let me remember. The memories, the nightmares: make them stay away."
Levi leaned over and kissed his brow. "I will make sure you think of nothing else but me, and I will not leave this room until I'm satisfied."
Eren bit his lip as his cheeks flushed hot. "You make it sound like I'm some meal that you're planning to eat up."
Levi smirked to himself. "You wish."
Eren found himself calming down, and the foul mood eased away. Outside the door, they heard even more noisy voices, this time men and women mixed, and someone laughed loudly. Eren could recognize Jean's laugh from anywhere.
Levi eyed the door suspiciously. "They're noisy. What's going on?"
"I can't tell. Stay here."
Levi went to the closet and hid inside while Eren stepped out of the room.
Jean, Holger, Wim, Greiz, and Surma had come back, flushed from heavy drinking and with women hanging from their arms. They were so noisy, others had peeked out, including Ian, Daz, and Samuel.
Daz stood in only his underwear in the doorway of his room and looked on with anguish. "Oh, now that's just not fair. I want one of them."
Surma shook his head at the grimacing man. "Madame Carly gave strict instructions: no girls for you."
Daz sneered. "Damn Jewish whore."
Greiz scoffed. "You usually try to hit me when I call her that."
He yelled in frustration, "Because she usually gives me any girl I want!"
Jean saw Eren and gave him a smile. "Jäger! I heard you were back. You look like shit. Still, I guess you managed to survive that hellhole."
"Barely," Eren replied, still feeling emotionally exhausted. "I lost most of my men."
"I heard," Jean said with a grim expression. "Losing Moblit, that's rough. He was one of the best. They were all good men. I heard Jarnach survived. You should get him tomorrow. We'll go drinking and toast to their memories."
"I met Reiner today. He wants to go drinking too."
"Excellent! Maybe he'll sing."
Eren recognized the girl with Jean. "The Russian girl?" She was the one Carly picked to be Levi's body double.
Daz quickly pointed out, "Oh, he's been getting her exclusively."
"Fuck off," Jean said in defense.
Eren asked, "What was her name again?"
"Zofia."
The girl looked up at Jean when he spoke her name, and Eren caught a hint of the emotions in her eyes. This was more than just having a preferred prostitute. By the way Jean kept his arm around her and the ease in which she leaned into him, Eren could tell that something must have grown between these two.
Wim asked Eren, "Did you manage to get a woman from Madame Carly?"
"What?" Eren asked in confusion.
Surma pointed out, "You've got lipstick all over your face."
Eren wiped his mouth and saw red lipstick smeared on his fingers.
Samuel laughed, "No, that's from his wife."
Jean stared hard at Eren. "Your wife?"
Eren stiffened up at the accusatory glare from Jean. "She's back temporarily," he said with an edge of coldness. He seriously hoped that Jean would continue to hide his secret.
"You know it's stupid," Jean warned. "She shouldn't be here."
Holger added quietly, "It really is dangerous for a woman to be in a warzone." He glanced over at the drugged prostitute with him and seemed to realize the irony.
Eren said defensively, "She was in danger. I'm not going to send her away until I know for sure that she's okay."
Jean looked furious and sneered, "This is going too far! After last time…"
"Hey," Greiz snapped. "She's his wife. Of course he'll protect her."
"That person—"
"Jean!" Eren shouted. He saw Jean catch himself and slam his mouth shut. "I know you worry about me, in your own way, but please realize, I love her more than anything, and I would go to the ends of the Earth for her."
"Aww, that's so sweet," Surma's girl said with a thick Polish accent. She looked up at him. "Will you say romantic things like that to me, mój drogi?"
Surma looked less than amused. "Maybe after the third night."
Samuel added, "I've heard that pregnant women become even more horny."
"What?" Daz cried out, and he drunkenly wailed, "That's not fair! I want a horny pregnant woman now."
Greiz walked up to Eren. "I know you probably want to … enjoy yourself, but be gentle with her."
Samuel chuckled and told the others, "With all that lipstick on his face? I think she's the one who needs to be told to be gentle. Quite an aggressive little mouse! Beware that she doesn't bite you."
Wim said sagely, "Even a mouse, when starved, can be as vicious as a cat."
His girl grabbed Wim by the hips and swayed herself right up against his groin. Speaking in a strong Russian accent, she asked, "Do you like that in a woman? To be, as you say, as vicious as a cat?" She lightly clawed her nails down his uniform.
He pushed her hands away. "I prefer a woman who is docile and obedient."
Greiz chuckled. "That's so like you. I bet your wife is boring."
Wim shot him a glare. "My wife is an ideal German woman."
"Wife?" asked the woman with Wim. "Are you a married man? You naughty boy! You must be so lonely without your wife," she said, trying to be flirtatious. It only made Wim look annoyed.
Greiz chuckled. "Well, I sure wouldn't mind finding out if I want a lady who claws. Do you wanna trade? My girl hasn't spoken a word. I don't think she knows German. Do you speak German, little Slav?" he asked the girl, who stared at him blankly in a drugged stupor. "See. Silent and docile, just how you like them."
His face unmoved, Wim pushed the feisty girl over to Greiz and took the quiet one.
Eren pulled back and shut his door as the group continued to talk outside. He firmly turned the lock. Now the lie had been spread. It should at least protect Levi while he was here, so long as no one came in and realized the person with him was a man.
"It's safe," he called out.
After a moment, Levi peeked out. "More prostitutes?"
"Apparently."
As Levi climbed out of the wardrobe, Eren walked into the bathroom. He relieved himself, went to the sink, and saw in the mirror that, indeed, the lipstick Levi had been wearing was all over his mouth, cheeks, and especially smeared on his neck. He blushed as he thought about how aggressive Levi had been, marking him like this. He used a washcloth to clean up, scrubbing the bright red lipstick off.
He stepped back into the main room, where Levi had removed his shoes, blue coat, scarf, and now he was pulling out pins that held his wig in place. He removed the blond wig, set it to the side, and scratched out his black hair.
Eren sighed and smiled. Back together! This felt right.
"You can wear my clothes, if you want," he offered.
"Anything of yours would fall right off me."
"That's an advantage," Eren said with a naughty smirk. "By the way, your lipstick is smudged all over. Go clean your face."
Levi gladly went to use the wash basin and cleaned the makeup off. Eren slipped into the bathroom and stood right behind Levi as he washed up. They looked at their reflections in the mirror.
Unlike Eren's hair, which had begun to grow out, Levi's hair was shaved close in the back to help with the wig. This perfectly exposed his neck. Eren leaned over and began to kiss along the hairline, slowly letting his lips flutter down toward his shoulders. When Levi shivered, Eren recalled that this was a weak spot, and he smiled to himself.
"I want to remember every spot that makes you tremble."
Levi cursed softly at that sensual voice.
Eren's hands wrapped around him, stroking up and down his chest. His lips explored Levi's neck and nipped his ears.
"I missed touching you," Eren whispered hotly.
Just then, they heard sensual noises in another room. The lieutenants were not bothering to keep quiet at all. Hearing them and their ladies loudly moaning made both of their cheeks hot.
"They'll hide any noise we make," Eren reasoned. "They all think Louise is in here. So for now … my hand?"
Levi looked into the mirror's reflection and saw Eren's eyes pleading for permission. Then he looked down to where Eren's hand waited with eagerness. Nervously, he nodded.
The touch was through cloth, but Levi still felt warmth. That hand rubbed through the skirt, felt the flaccid cock, and caressed it, trying to coax it back to how aroused Levi was by the riverside. Eren leaned over him, continuing to nibble the back of Levi's neck as his hand slipped up under the skirt and plunged recklessly into the knickers. Eren shuddered and groaned from his own pleasure of getting to touch Levi again. He stroked up and down the cock and loved feeling him getting firm in his hand.
"Can I take this off?" he asked, trying to push the underwear out of the way of his fingers.
Levi clenched the edge of the sink as those fingers stirred up strong desires. "We're already risking so much."
"Should I stop? We don't have to do anything more than kiss."
Levi groaned as Eren's hand did not stop and his mouth felt like a firebrand. "You know that never happens. You make it impossible for me to only want—"
He froze, and for a moment it sounded like Levi was choking. Eren looked into the mirror, and he saw Levi's eyes open, blank, staring in dread. He pulled his hands away as he heard Levi struggling to breathe and tiny gags deep in his throat.
"Levi?" He got no response. "Levi!" He shook him. "Are you okay?"
Levi suddenly leaned over the sink and vomited. Eren froze and looked terrified.
"Was it something you ate?"
"No…" He leaned over and heaved again, unable to hold back as it splattered into the wash basin.
Then Levi collapsed limply to the floor. Eren immediately followed down, dropping to one knee. He saw tears pouring down Levi's cheeks as his body shivered and his lung convulsed.
Levi hissed quietly, "Merde!" He angrily rubbed the tears away. He took deep breaths and swallowed his stomach down again and again as more spasms threatened him.
"What's wrong?" Eren asked in concern.
It took Levi almost a solid minute to recover. "It was … Moses, and … and that fucking bastard." His face drew up in disgust. "Putain! It was like it was happening all over again. I could feel it. Fuck!"
He didn't want this. Not now! Levi had rarely even thought about that horrific day his whole time with the French Resistance. He tried to forget a lot of things, pushing the memories far into the back of his mind. For some reason, they surged up again, and he felt his stomach burning like it wanted to throw up more.
Eren looked on, horrified to see Levi shattered like this. He knew they had been apart for a month, but … just how deeply had Levi shoved down all of his trauma during their time apart? He had been starting to heal before Eren left, but perhaps the trauma grew worse while he was away and unable to help Levi come to terms with it.
Eren helped him back up. "Come over here." He guided Levi out of the bathroom and to the table. Levi sank down and dropped his head, covering it with his arms as if he could shield himself from those memories. "I can order some—"
Just then, there was a knock. Levi cursed, reached over to the blond wig, flopped it onto his scalp, and collapsed his head back down.
He muttered. "Tell them I'm too sick to visit. If it's the Gestapo, tell them to fuck off."
Eren sadly patted his back. Then he went to the door and answered. Greiz stood there, and he thrust out a bottle of wine.
"I could hear her vomiting. Wine helps settle the stomach. Not too much, though, since she's pregnant."
Eren hesitantly took the bottle. "You could hear her?" He was slightly worried, just how thin were the walls?
"Only because I stepped out to smoke. That prostitute had shit on her ass, so I sent her to wash up before she messed my bed. Apparently, the last guy she had today wanted her up the ass. I'm going to inform the Gestapo later. It could be a sign of latent homosexual lust. After all, what normal man wants a woman's ass?"
"Obviously a sexual deviant," Eren said, knowing it was the proper thing to say.
"Exactly. The Gestapo should investigate that Jewish whore's harem and ask how many of them have been asked to do such vile acts. Anyway, take care of your wife. If her stomach is too upset from the journey, go easy on her."
"I will treat my darling like a precious treasure," he swore. Then he shut the door and locked it. He stood motionless for a while, disgusted at himself for saying something like that about homosexual men.
What choice did he have, though? He had to keep pretending.
He brought the wine over to the table, opened the bottle, and poured a glass out. Levi stared at the red liquid, and his stomach spasmed again.
"It'll help," Eren whispered, much more cautious about the volume of his voice now.
Levi drank, and the wine eased his stomach as well as his nerves. "Sorry about your sink."
"I'll clean it. You rest."
Eren went to the bathroom and washed the vomit down the drain. He tried to clean the sink to a shine, so Levi would not be humiliated nor complain about it being filthy.
Once it was clean, he returned to the table and joined Levi in a silent glass of wine. His mind drifted to earlier that day, that moment of darkness. He glanced at the bed.
He had almost shot himself in the head over there.
Then he looked across the table at Levi.
"You know," he whispered, "earlier, when I … I lost my will to live," he said with a look of pain, "it was thinking about Abel Friedman that brought me back."
Levi's brow furrowed. "Abel?"
He nodded. "You said, if I could remember his name on my deathbed, maybe you would forgive me. At that moment, when I wanted to die, I remembered his name." He sipped some more wine to keep his own stomach at ease. "I needed to know if you would forgive me. Before I die, I need to know that much."
"I'm not forgiving you yet," Levi snapped quietly. "Remembering his name two months after his death? Pathetic. You have to live at least five more decades if you want me to forgive you."
Eren smiled softly. "That means you have to live for five decades as well."
"Brat. I'm living to be a hundred, and I am definitely outliving you."
Eren laughed, imagining that Levi really would be that stubborn. "Besides, I really wanted to see you again. When I realized you were out there somewhere, I decided I didn't want to die."
Levi reached across the table and grabbed Eren's hand with a pinch between his brow. "Don't kill yourself. Please. Even if it's selfish to ask, please promise me that."
"Please?" he asked in surprise. How often had Levi ever been so polite? He smiled as he squeezed the rough hand. "How about this: so long as you are alive, I promise not to kill myself."
That eased some worry out of Levi. Ever since seeing that dire letter, he had been fearing that if he left Eren alone, he might do something drastic.
"Then that definitely means I have to outlive you."
Eren chuckled, but his smile did not fully reach his eyes. "You probably will."
"Don't talk like that. You have to live fifty years before I forgive you for Abel." He finished off his wine. "I'm going to clean my mouth. Can I borrow your toothbrush?"
"Of course. It's brand new."
That relieved him. Levi did not have to worry about some bacteria-ridden toothbrush that came straight from the battlefield. In the bathroom, he found the toothbrush as well as a brand new tube of toothpaste.
"Doramad? This is new," he muttered. He read the tube and slowly walked out back to the table. "Hey Eren, this says radioactive. What the hell is it?"
"Zahncreme. Uh, tooth … cream?"
"Toothpaste, but radioactive? What the hell?"
"My mother used this brand. She said it prevented Zahnfleischerkrankungen … um … what is the skin part above your teeth?"
"Gums?"
"Gum disease, and it kills bacteria on your teeth."
Levi glared at the tube with distrust. "Is it safe?"
"Of course. It's good for you."
He pouted, but what choice did he have? "I never bought into all that radiation quackery."
"Quackery?" Eren asked, never having heard that word before.
"But so long as it's safe, I guess I'll try it out."
While Levi went to the bathroom and brushed his teeth, Eren wondered if maybe the uniform was part of the problem. He finished off his wine and began to undo his tunic.
His body was so eager, but he had to remember that Levi might need to build back up to where they had left off. That burst of passion in the wine cellar had been instinctive. Now, he had to slow down and see what was okay.
Levi brushed vigorously until his mouth no longer tasted like vomit. Feeling better and with control over his stomach, he stepped out. He saw Eren hanging up his uniform, now in only his undershirt and boxers. Levi's eyes drifted over the exposed limbs, so firm and taut with muscles.
This crazy young man! This German! This Nazi!
That was all being stripped off. Politics were hidden in the closet. Nationalities were dropped aside. Gender…
Did that really matter?
Eren obviously still wanted to touch him, and it would not be through clothing. Levi went back to the bathroom and began to remove the women's clothing, setting aside the dress, stockings, and knickers.
This was like a silent declaration of what he wanted tonight.
He quietly crept out of the bathroom and stood on a rug. Eren had removed the last of his clothes, fully nude with his butt sticking out as he bent over to yank off his socks.
What a view!
Eren turned, stunned to see Levi naked right behind him, his eyes down where he had been looking at Eren's ass. Those blue eyes flicked up as soon as the view changed.
With all that female attire away, Eren felt a deep relief, like some innate apprehension was finally cleared away. Here was his man! His handsome boyfriend! His eyes trailed down the full length of Levi's body, admiring the scars, the muscles, this perfect and glorious example of masculinity. His eyes lingered just a little on his groin before traveling back up and seeing the embarrassed blushed.
"Are you done looking?" grumbled Levi.
"Not even close," Eren whispered in awe. He stepped up to Levi and wrapped his arms around in an embrace. Skin against skin, they felt so much closer. "Only as much as you want," he whispered.
Levi gulped and nodded. "You may touch me."
"How about my mouth?"
"Of course, you may kiss me."
"No, I mean…" His eyes drifted down to Levi's crotch as he licked his lips, silently showing what he wanted to do.
Levi smirked at seeing the lust in Eren's eyes. "Did you like that?"
"Very much!" Eren said, and an aching moan sneaked into his voice. "You can tell me to stop at any time."
Levi nodded, although he knew Eren had always been mindful. With his throat tight, Levi raspingly said, "On the bed. It'll be more comfortable for you."
"How thoughtful! If that's what mein Schätzchen wants."
"Don't call me that."
"How about Vögelein?"
"You said that word earlier. What does it mean?"
"Little bird."
Levi scoffed and blushed. "Idiot. I prefer the other word."
"You're a bit like a little bird, though. Always flying free," Eren grabbed Levi around the hips and leaned in close, eyes burning with desire. "Although, I know you're more like a Turmfalke: swift, powerful, deadly."
"I assume that's a bird."
"I think the English word is … falco? Falcon? It's similar to Falke, but the little ones, der Turmfalke." Eren laughed as Levi looked annoyed at being compared to a small bird of prey. "You are very much like a bird." He pressed their noses together. "I envy your freedom."
Eren gave Levi a quick kiss, then pulled back. He and Levi walked over to the bed. Eren yanked the blankets down, waited until they were both settled on the bed, and then pulled the blankets up over them.
"So you don't get cold."
"Your sheets will get messy."
"I don't care," Eren whispered. He leaned over Levi and gave him a kiss.
He would have liked to admire Levi's naked body more, but he figured it would be easier this way, less embarrassing for Levi. Eren wanted to make sure he was comfortable, and hiding their nudeness under the blankets was a way to feel less awkward.
Eren reached out and caressed Levi's cheek. His fingers slid down his neck, along his shoulder, slipping under the blankets to glide down to his torso, all the way to his hips where he could not stretch farther.
"Just touching you … Is this real?" he whispered.
Levi reached forward and lightly scratched his nails down Eren's chest. "It fucking better be!"
That foul mouth made Eren want to laugh. Yes, it was real. Levi was here. They could touch freely. He had dreamed about being in bed with Levi so much, it still felt too good to be true. Yet all he had to do was focus on how Levi touched him. Those rough fingertips were a unique sensation.
This was definitely Levi, and definitely real.
"So, mein Vögelein," Eren whispered, "where do you want to fly first?"
Levi smirked. "Let's see what you remember."
Eren propped himself up on his elbow and gazed down at Levi. "I remember everything. Including this."
His hand slid along Levi's chest, his finger circled the nipple, and he gave a soft pinch.
Levi let out a deep, loud moan. He immediately caught himself and slapped a hand over his mouth, hoping everyone was too drunk to have heard him.
Eren chuckled naughtily. "I miss that sound."
"I can't moan," Levi hissed as his whole body tingled.
"I know," he said, still toying with his nipple. "But I don't promise that I won't try to make you moan."
Levi grumbled, "Brat."
Eren slowly kissed Levi while his fingers played with him, not too much, but enough to get Levi to struggle with holding back his voice. He watched as Levi's body squirmed. Their tongues lazily touched, their mouths began to explore beyond just lips, and they were quickly getting back to the passion they had by the river.
With the thick quilt over them, their hands explored areas hidden away. Then Eren felt Levi's fingers grab his waist and drift slowly down to his hips. His heart began to pound harder.
Was Levi really going to touch his butt?
Instead, he grabbed Eren's hips and pulled him in closer. Eren reached down to Levi's ass, grabbed it, and pulled him in as well. They both fought to see who could press closer to the other. Eren hitched his leg up and wrapped around Levi's hip. Their legs became entangled as they battled to be as close as possible, like their bodies craved to merge together.
One soul, split in two, the halves always yearning to merge back together.
That was how Moblit once described it, and Eren potently felt that way now. Their bodies surged against each other, rubbing, grinding, hands yanking to press closer, like their souls refused to be torn apart again.
Levi pulled his mouth back, out of breath, stunned by how overwhelmed he felt. Had he ever desired someone the way he felt for Eren right now? The feeling in his heart, the ache and joy and fear and lust, all blended into a deluge of raw passion.
Levi admitted in quiet frustration, "I don't even know what I want."
Eren saw conflict in his eyes. Oh, Levi knew what his body wanted! It was his brain that struggled with the fear of the unknown. Maybe even fear of having another flashback and ruining the moment.
"Then let me decide."
Eren pressed on Levi's shoulders until he rolled onto his back. For a moment, Levi was startled. Let Eren decide? If he left it up to te horny young man, Eren would pound into his ass all night, and just the thought of that made alarms scream a warning in his head.
Instead, Eren had a gentle, reassuring smile. He kissed Levi on the forehead as his hand slipped down under the blankets. He went slowly, waiting for Levi to get used to it, until finally he came to the semi-hard cock.
As soon as his hand fully grasped the shaft, Levi shuddered. Eren now kissed his cheeks, showing that he was holding back. Eren's hand stroked the full length, and Levi barely bit back a moan. Eren kissed him on the mouth to help cover over the noise of pleasure. Then he leaned up.
"Is this what you want?"
Levi looked flustered, but he nodded silently.
So cute!
Eren stroked more and gazed at Levi in adoration as his skin flushed and his body arched in pleasure. He was getting bigger in Eren's hand, stiffening to attention.
Eren mused to himself, it was still a little odd, not feeling foreskin like he was used to on his own, but it also made for a smooth glide up and down the shaft. He loved that feel, how easily his hand glided, and the shiver through Levi's body at his touch.
"Merde!"
Eren froze. "Do I need to stop?"
"No!"
"Can I do more?"
Levi already looked tired from holding back, but he gave Eren a nod of consent.
Eren stroked him more and kissed a little more vigorously. Then his free hand drifted up and gave a nipple a slight pinch. Levi gasped before managing to slap his hand over his mouth.
"I wish I could listen to your voice," Eren whispered.
"Then you moan."
Eren smirked. "Do you like to hear me?"
Levi sneered and refused to answer.
Eren flexed his hips slowly up against Levi and let out a loud, shuddering moan of pleasure.
"Oh fuck," Levi gasped.
Eren exclaimed loudly, "Jaaa, das fühlt sich toll an." Yeah, that feels so good.
Levi let out a soft scoff of frustration as he clenched back. "You brat!"
As Eren let out lewd moans, Levi bit his lip. His breathing got heavier, and his face began to draw up as he held back from making noises.
"If you're going to use your mouth, do it now."
Eren smirked triumphantly. "Are you ready?"
"I said now! Shit."
Eren plunged below the quilt and wiggled down. In the light filtering through the blanket, he could finally see Levi's manhood up close, swollen and flushed.
Gazing in adoration, he leaned over and planted a gentle kiss, thinking to himself 'Well, hello there again, little guy.'
Levi lifted the blanket to take a peek. Just then, he saw Eren's mouth go down, his lips parted wide, and wet heat sheathed him.
"Putain oui!" Fuck yes!
Eren's mouth popped off immediately. "At least pretend you aren't French. Say ja or something instead. Now," he whispered, "don't say anything more in English, or in French, or Yiddish. Only in German." His mouth went back down, taking Levi all the way in.
"Ahh! Eren!"
He chuckled and muttered, "Or say my name. I like that."
"Idiot," he grumbled, ashamed at being so loud, especially when he could faintly hear the other couples just a room away.
Although pretending to be German could save his life, Levi could barely think clearly enough to say more than just two German words, and he tried to say them as quietly as possible.
"So gut. So gut."
His breathing grew raspy, and his hips made thrusts up toward Eren's mouth. Worse, if he pulled the blanket back and looked down, those oceanic teal eyes looked up, and his mouth…
Levi slapped a hand over his lips. He tapped Eren and hummed through his fingers. Misunderstanding, Eren raised up, and the quilt tumbled around his nude body.
"Are you o-…"
"Don't fucking stop!" Levi growled through his hand.
Eren's eyes lit up, realizing the issue. He dove back down gleefully, not wanting to miss this.
Levi threw off the blanket completely. No need to mess the sheets, and that way he could watch Eren. Those huge eyes flicked up to him as his mouth sucked eagerly.
Levi's whole face tensed up as he completely lost control. He desperately tried to be quiet, but as pulses of pleasure burst out of him, he barely managed to smother the sound of deep, lusty grunts. Then he sank, and sank, and seemed to sink into warm darkness.
Eren swallowed and sat up. He coyly wiped his lips, trying to be sexy and dramatic. However, Levi's eyes were closed and his body limp. For a second, Eren panicked.
"Levi?"
He jolted, like waking up from a dream, only to gaze up at Eren and realize he must still be in that glorious fantasy.
"I don't want to wake up."
Eren lay beside him, pulled the blankets over them again, and snuggled Levi. "Silly, you are awake."
"Nuh-uh. I don't want to be awake. When I'm awake, bad things always happen. When I'm dreaming, these nights are perfect."
He gazed at the flush on Levi's face and playfully caressed his bare chest. "Have you dreamed of things like this often?"
Levi turned his head over, and their noses were almost close enough to touch. He decided to confess, "More often than is healthy for a man of my age."
"You're not that old." He glanced down at the flaccid cock now flopped in surrender. "Certainly not too old to enjoy it."
"Shut up, takhshet."
Eren sat up, and Levi looked displeased that his warmth was going away. "Rest. I'll clean you." He climbed off the bed and walked to the bathroom.
Eren washed up, brushed his teeth, swished with some wine, scrubbed his hands, and even combed his hair so it did not stick out so weirdly. He knew he was delaying going back out there, but he needed time to calm himself down. Otherwise, if Levi were to touch him, he would blow instantly.
He glanced out the door toward the bed and saw Levi collapsed in a fatigued surrender. A smile tugged at his mouth.
They were both so stupid, coming back here, but Eren missed him too much. Levi also wanted to spend the night together. Just knowing that Levi still wanted him, after a month's time when he could have thought it over and reconsidered, made Eren so immensely happy.
He moistened a handkerchief and returned to the bed. Eren sat beside Levi and got to work.
"Just washing," he promised, slowly wiping up the wet mess.
Levi closed his eyes, focusing on the precise touches of Eren diligently cleaning his penis. This was such a gentle moment, it felt surreal. He gazed at Eren, naked and sitting on his knees beside him. His body had new scars. His arms were wrapped up in bandages, and Levi worried how bad the burns underneath really were. He had also noticed blisters on Eren's neck.
Just how close had he come to losing this man?
He reached forward and touched Eren's thigh, unsure if touching his arms was okay. Eren gave him a reassuring smile that brightened away his dark worries. Gazing over his body, Levi saw that Eren had gone flaccid, the head of his cock now hiding within its hood. He slid his hand up higher to caress his manhood.
Eren stopped and shivered at the touch. He felt a tingle down below growing stronger.
Levi's fingers stroked the foreskin with a look of wonder at this part of the body his religion cut off. He saw Eren's cock twitch, and it began to firm up once more.
"Even just this excites you? Seriously, you really are a little boy."
"I can't help it," Eren groaned. "That area feels good, and your hands feel good, and bitte, es fühlt sich so gut an." Please, it feels so good.
Levi snatched away the handkerchief. "Messy brat. I haven't even finished washing, and you already want your turn?" He sat up on his knees and gazed imperiously. "I bet you're filthy down there." He wrapped the cloth around Eren's penis and gave it a squeeze that got an erotic gasp. "You know how I like cleanliness."
He stroked the wet washcloth firmly up and down, and a cry of erotic pleasure shuddered out of Eren's throat, so loud that surely the whole floor heard. Levi felt a pulse, a twitch, and the cock in his hand began to swell as blood surged in, firming it back up to attention. He watched as the foreskin began to pull back, revealing the peeping cockhead.
"Ja so, mein Schätzchen, ja, genau so." Yes, my darling, yes, like that.
Levi shook his head. That sort of moan was purely theatrical, but despite that, he felt another stirring in himself.
"Bitte," Eren cried out, arching into Levi's hand. When his eyes opened, he saw Levi's manhood also trying to firm up but lacking enough attention. "I can do it again for you."
"Nice offer, but I'm too old to go again so soon."
"Then just touching. I want us to touch each other again."
Levi looked down. His body felt fatigued, but his penis had a mind of its own. "Putain Popaul." Fucking dick.
"Drop the cloth. Touch me for real. Please," he added, realizing he was getting a little bit demanding.
Levi let the wet handkerchief fall to the floor and laid his head down onto the pillows. Eren immediately began to climb on top, but Levi shoved him away.
"Get down, boy!" Instead, Levi rolled onto his side. "Beside me." Eren laid his head down on the pillow, and Levi scooted up close to him. Their cocks met, and Levi flexed his hips in. "Like this."
His body thrust up close until their cocks rubbed against one another. Eren grabbed him into a close embrace, and instantly Levi was devoured in a kiss. Their hands grabbed at one another, pulling their bodies closer with desperation.
Eren let out a whimper as he began to grind into him, giving fast, needy thrusts. Levi could hardly believe that he was getting hard again. He never got a second wind this quickly! Eren's panting breath and wild thrusting were of no help.
"Touch me," Eren begged quietly.
Levi smirked. "No."
"Please!" Eren's hand began to go down.
Levi grabbed it, and suddenly Eren was rolled, shocking him as he was smashed down onto the pillows. Levi straddled on top of him, pinning his wrist down forcefully to the bed. His gray-blue eyes glared with a tiny smirk lifting one cheek.
"You keep trying that. Do I have to tie you up?"
Eren looked almost in pain from need. "Touch me. Bitte. Please."
Levi instead leaned over and kissed him. Eren tried to surge up, anything to get friction rubbing him, but Levi kept his body up just out of reach.
He pulled his mouth back and leaned over to Eren's ear. "I don't want you to end too soon. Enjoy it!"
Levi's hand went down between their bodies and grasped hold of both of them together. Eren let out a moan right into Levi's mouth as he finally got the touch he needed, yet Levi rubbed slowly.
Pleasing Eren like this felt so good. To Levi, he was beautiful, his limbs writhing over the sheets in the moonlight, his cheeks a warm flush, his mouth opened with unabated moans.
A month apart, and already Levi wanted to remind Eren of how much pleasure he could give him. He felt guilty over the past month that he had refused to do so much. Granted, he was suffering from trauma and simply was not ready, but a part of his mind dreaded the idea that Eren might die out there without having known every intimate action his heart desired.
Now he wanted to give it to him … give everything to this man.
Well, almost everything. And maybe not all at once. As much as he hated that he had not acted quicker, that was in the past. Now, with Eren squirming under him, he once again wanted to make him wait.
Eren whimpered, aching in pain now. Every time he tried to hump up into that strong, firm hand to go faster, Levi let go, waited for Eren to sink down in defeat, and then touched again.
It was cruel. It was amazing. It hurt. It felt so good.
"Levi … please. More."
"So needy." Rather than give him what he wanted, Levi continued to simply kiss him while his hand stroked with slow purpose.
Eren tried to hold out. If Levi needed more time…
But no! His body was at its limit.
"Levi!"
Eren grabbed him, rolled hard, and pinned Levi down. He knew this was aggressive, maybe even forceful, more than he wanted to do for their first time, but Levi's teasing was simply too much.
"Hey!" Levi snapped at him; however, as soon as he saw the severe strain in Eren's face, he realized the young man was acting on instinct. "I'll allow it this time," he grumbled.
Eren's hips thrust hard, slamming up against Levi's body again and again. Levi lay back, not particularly liking the frantic pace. It brought up a dark memory, one he had to push away. Still, he was the one who teased Eren; he had only himself to blame for riling him up.
"Eren."
He shook his head. "No!" If Levi asked him to stop, he was not sure his body even could.
"Eren!"
Despite the pain of being so close to finishing, Eren paused. He looked down at Levi, begging him silently. If not like this, then he would have to run into the bathroom and jerk off there. Either way, he was about to blow.
"You're going to give me rug burn with your dick!"
"What?" he panted. His brain could not think through the English words anymore.
"Try this." He reached down and encircled his fingers around Eren's shaft. "Lower yourself down."
Eren did, with Levi holding him, until he was down chest-to-chest with him.
"Now you don't have to press so hard into me. I can just squeeze you."
His hand tightened, and Eren let out a moan of pleasure.
"Try it now. Thrust into my hand."
Eren did, sliding through the circle of Levi's fingers. He shivered as he felt every ridge of the knuckles.
"Gott!"
"Feels good?" Levi asked seductively.
He breathed hard before managing to say, "It's tight."
"That's the point. An arse is even smaller than a pussy, so for someone like you it would be a really…" He squeezed even more. "…tight fit."
"Ahh!" Eren's body pressed in hard and trembled.
"Try it now. Fuck my hand. Let me feel it."
To Eren, this was so much closer, more personal. Now, it was his whole body rocking into Levi, and he got to press into such a tight space. He imagined, what if this was Levi's ass? Would it be even tighter? Warmer? He looked down at Levi, and he let that fantasy take over.
Making love to his boyfriend!
Levi felt those sinewy muscles flexing as Eren moved his hips in a firm rhythm. Although it was his hand, it felt so much more like sex this time, except he felt smothered under Eren, not in control like he was used to. Eren sped up his thrusting, groaning things in German, probably half to fool anyone listening in, and half because he could not think in English anymore.
Levi felt Eren's cock leaking, smearing all over his hand and dripping onto his stomach.
"C'est sale!" he muttered. How filthy!
Yet this was a mess he did not mind. After all, his cock had also dripped. Weariness meant little as he watched Eren above him, making dire thrusts, grunting as he slid their bodies together.
He was so beautiful, so sexy, and all his!
"Le- … Levi!" he gasped. "Ich bin so nah dran!" I'm so close.
Eren was really getting aggressive, and it started to get difficult for Levi to keep hold of him without hurting him. Now, every thrust was made with an erotic cry, pounding in, his voice growing louder and louder. Levi cursed as his body reacted strongly to Eren's voice.
"Ah! Ah! Ahhh! Ich komme!" I'm coming!
There was a deep, growling moan as Eren's hips made one last push. Levi felt pulses in his hand and wetness splatter on his stomach. He looked up at Eren's face as his mouth hung open, first crying out with a look close to agony as his body finally got to release, then a look of floating, a soft moan at the blissful pleasure, and then a low, drawn out, sinking moan sighing past his lips as he came down from that high.
Slowly, panting hard, Eren looked down and realized what he just did.
"Oh. The mess. Sorry," Eren said, not even fully recovered yet.
Suddenly, an arm grabbed Eren and yanked him in a flip, shocking him and crushing the air out of his lungs. Levi leaped on top of him and rammed his cock up against Eren's stomach over and over as his body trembled.
"I can touch…"
"No! Now!" He was so close. He grabbed himself to give the last few strokes he needed. "Putain … merde…"
Eren saw the tense pleasure in Levi's face. So beautiful! To silence the French words, he grabbed the back of Levi's head and yanked him down into a kiss. He heard some cry, maybe a warning moaned right into his mouth, but Eren's hand pulled him down tighter. If Levi was not thinking clearly enough to know to keep quiet, Eren would be the responsible one for now.
Right as it all snapped, Levi's pulled his mouth away and clamped down onto Eren's shoulder, moaning into his skin. Eren felt teeth, not hard, but it still hurt with the burns near that area. The pain made him flinch, but he realized Levi was truly losing control, biting him to hold back sounds.
Despite the ache, Eren caressed Levi's head, knowing he was too lost to realize his own strength. Instead, Eren savored the groans and spasms that wracked Levi's entire body as wetness spread over his torso.
Levi sank like a mighty tree that had been cut down. His mouth released, and he dropped with a thud onto Eren's chest. His face was flushed and his mouth opened as he panted in exhaustion. Eren stayed quiet, petting his hair, but also listening around.
There were still noises around them. Good. Those grunts and squeaking bed springs would cover over their sounds.
Levi finally caught his breath, sat up, and looked down and the mess now smashed between their torsos.
"Fuck," he whispered. "It's too much of a mess now. I need a bath. In a minute, though." Levi rolled off and collapsed onto his back beside Eren. "I'm too bloody exhausted."
Eren rolled onto his side and held Levi, happy to see his weariness, sweat glistening on both of them, their hearts and lungs slowly calming down as lust faded. Eren saw Levi's cock now limp, like a defeated soldier, with the white flag of a moist mess spilled across the battlefield of his abs.
"Three times in one day? It seems you're not as old as you think," he teased.
"Oh, I am!" Levi mumbled in weariness. "It's only because it's been so long. It was all pent up. Don't expect this again."
Eren hummed and swirled the white puddle on Levi's torso. "Maybe I need to do this more, so your body can get caught up."
"Idiot takhshet. And stop doing that. C'est dégoûtant. It's disgusting."
Eren slid his finger through the wet mess. "It's yours, and it's mine. There's nothing disgusting about it."
"Well then, not on my skin."
"Next time, I'll have condoms for both of us so there's no mess."
Levi blushed and looked away. "You're an idiot."
"I know." Eren laughed at the familiar cantankerous attitude that showed Levi was embarrassed. He whispered into Levi's ear, "Did you like it?"
"Obviously."
"Can I do it again?"
"Not now!"
"Later. Tomorrow, or the next day. Whenever we can get together again. I'd like to pleasure you more."
Levi growled at how that whispered request burned his heart. "Obviously I'd let you. You don't need to ask."
"I'll always ask," Eren swore, toying with the rim of Levi's ear. "I only want to do what you want."
Only what he wanted. Levi thought over that phrase.
When had he ever done only what he wanted? He had been an orphan, so he had little other choice but to join the military or die as a thief living on the streets. His time as a soldier was spent following orders. Marrying Petra … if he had to be honest with himself, that had been her idea, not that he was against it; she had stipulated, if he wanted sex, he had to marry her. The past four years had been a fight to survive, going where people said it was safe, staying hidden where people told him to hide, doing the disgusting jobs Germans told him to do, attacking where the French Resistance needed him to attack.
When had he ever done purely what he wanted?
What did he even want?
This. He wanted this man, and he wanted his love.
"You are…" He hesitated, feeling weird to say the word, but he knew Eren needed to hear it. "You're wonderful."
Eren's eyes widened at that, and a blush rose on his cheeks.
"And your mouth is damn good."
Eren now laughed as his face went solidly red. He stroked his finger along Levi's messy stomach, but a dark thought went through his mind.
Homosexuality is abnormal!
A disease! A weakness!
Disgusting!
Sinful!
Stop doing that. C'est dégoûtant. It's disgusting.
Softly, his mouth twitching with worry, Eren asked, "Do you … Do you really think this is disgusting?"
"Of course I do." He saw Eren starting to look hurt, and Levi smiled. "You left quite a mess, and you know how I am with filth."
Eren realized he was just teasing. "I mean, me being a man. Do you think that's disgusting, abnormal … sinful. Does it make me weak?"
Levi's brow tightened. "Why would you ask that?"
Eren thought about Holger and Wim being disgusted as they talked about Oliver getting arrested for being with a man. "Homosexuality … it makes a man weak. I lost my platoon. Maybe this is why. I wasn't strong enough because I'm a fag-…"
Levi slapped him across the face, not hard, but it shocked Eren out of his depression. His gray-blue eyes narrowed.
"Are you going to say next that the reason the Americans won—in a battle you knew from the beginning you would lose—is because you like me? Do you really think that who you like makes any difference in your strength? Is where you stick your dick really that important?"
Eren's mouth dropped. The way Levi said it made the idea seem ridiculous.
Levi shook his head. "Mon dieu! I leave you alone with Nazis for one month, and you forget everything you learned with me. If they're poison…" He grabbed Eren's cheeks and held his head still. "…then I'll be the cure."
Eren smirked. "Will you suck the poison out of me?"
"You'd like that, wouldn't you!"
Eren merely chuckled with a starving twinkle in his eyes.
Levi leaned over and kissed him with aggressive passion. His fingers dug in tight enough to make Eren flinch. He ripped back up, leaving Eren breathless. Softly, he threaded his fingers through Eren's messy bangs, only to suddenly yank Eren's head by the hair, making him hiss in pain.
"Who is so fucking stupid that they think a man with enough strength to love another man is weaker than a man who loves a woman? I bet the men who say that can't handle a strong woman who is aggressive in bed. They only think like that because they are weak! They need petite underage girls with no experience so they don't realize just how tiny their dicks are. You can handle me," he said, emphasizing it by slamming his finger into Eren's chest. "And they think that's weak? J'irai leur botter le cul. I'll kick their arses."
Eren had to chuckle. Indeed, he knew how aggressive and domineering Levi could be. Simply being enough to handle him took strength.
Levi focused on Eren's chest, flushed, sweaty, a mess down below, such a masculine chest, and in it was a heart that beat for him.
"I don't like to repeat myself, brat. I'd never have agreed to any of this in the first place if I felt it was filthy."
In relief, Eren began to reach forward to caress Levi's face, but his hand was slapped away.
"You're not disgusting, but the semen on your hand is. Don't touch me until you've cleaned up."
Eren chuckled and sat up. "How about a bath together?"
Levi pouted as he debated. If he had to be honest, he really was exhausted, but the mess on him made him cringe. The promise of another slow, sensual soak in the tub also convinced him to set aside his weariness. He pushed himself up to sit on the edge of the bed.
"I guess I have to go to make sure you don't fall asleep and drown like a little boy."
"You're the one who looks ready to sleep, old man."
"Tais-toi!" Shut up!
They went to the bathroom and used tissues to wipe up as much of the mess off their bodies as they could. Levi picked up the washcloth he had been using earlier, wetted it, and soaped it up. He scrubbed Eren's chest and belly, being careful around bruising and the pink skin of new scars from the battlefield. Eren smiled with relaxed pleasure as he watched the serious look Levi had on his face as he diligently cleaned him.
He took this job so seriously, and Eren thought that was adorable.
Then after he was done, Levi washed the cloth in the sink, soaped it up some more, and handed it to Eren. He rubbed the washcloth all across Levi's torso, admiring the scars on his skin. Maybe he was not as thorough, but he was getting sleepy now, and he definitely wanted to soak with Levi.
Once the mess was cleaned off, Levi washed out the cloth while Eren started up the bathtub. They climbed into the warm water. Eren had to be careful not to get his bandaged arms wet. They shuffled around until finally getting comfortable.
Levi curled up on top of Eren as they cuddled together. He heard a long, deep sigh of satisfaction from Eren and felt a kiss to the top of his head.
Levi closed his eyes and relaxed in the heat. He had not gotten a hot bath like this in over a month, and it felt good to get to soak and enjoy the feel of the water on his skin.
How nice this bath would have been if they were not utterly worn out!
Levi drummed the surface of the water with his fingers. "Tell me what you were saying earlier tonight, back when we were dancing."
Eren's cheeks colored with embarrassment, but he felt this was the perfect time to confess. He reached forward and took hold of Levi's wet hand, gazing down at the fingers and the pearl ring he still wore. His thumb straightened up the crooked ring.
"I said, I can't undo the past, but I can do my best to make your future better, to create a world where we can live together: a homosexual and a Jew. I want to create that world … with you, if you'll have me."
Levi's eyes narrowed, and he rolled around on Eren's chest to look down at him. "Do you realize what you're asking?"
Eren smiled coyly. "I've had plenty of time to think about it."
"Creating a world for us, spending our entire future together…" Levi shook his head. "Even if we were a man and a woman, this would be too soon to talk like that. But we're not. We're us! That means you need to think even longer about what you're asking."
"I've been thinking about it all month!"
Levi wanted to laugh, but he merely shook his head. "A lot longer than that, takhshet."
Eren let go of Levi's hand, shocked at the rejection and more than a little hurt. Had he offended Levi? He did not look angry, but more … perhaps concerned was closer.
"Are you mad at me?"
"No, of course not." Levi reached forward and touched Eren's cheek. "Something like that truly is the sort of thing you need to think about for a long time."
"How long did you and Petra wait?" As soon as he said it, Eren wished he could take back those words. Would they bring up bad memories?
Instead, Levi laughed wryly. "I didn't, and that's the problem. I married her because I wanted sex, and she wanted to be a virgin until marriage. A part of me knew that was my real reason for proposing, and I hated myself. What a shitty reason! I rushed into things because my dick didn't want to wait, and she ended up getting killed because of me."
"It wasn't because of you," Eren insisted. It was because of Nazis … because of men like him, wearing the same uniform, obeying the orders of the same leader.
"I'm left with a lifetime of wondering if it was a mistake. If I had waited a year or two, she might have never married me, and she would have survived. Petra and I … We thought we could ignore the bigotry around us. We thought we were strong enough, and it would never drive us apart. But the world doesn't work that way. People don't care that you're in love. If anything, that gives them even more reason to hate you." He looked aside and confessed quietly, "You and I are exactly the same way."
Eren's eyes felt like they were burning. "Does this mean you don't want to be my boyfriend?"
"No! No, Eren, I do, really. But there's a big difference between dating and dedicating yourself to someone eternally. I don't ever want to think that I promised something lifelong with you for similar circumstances."
"We don't need to get married for that! If you want sex, you just have to ask."
Levi couldn't help it. He burst into a laugh and quickly tried to smother it. This damn brat!
"Levi…" Eren's hands stroked along his naked, wet body, feeling the whip scars on his back, down to his soft, plump butt. "These are just my own feelings. It's what I want, my dream, my wish. You don't have to want it too, but don't tell me not to feel this way."
Levi still felt uneasy. It was awkward, knowing someone wanted to dedicate their life to him. It was too much like Petra, and that worried him.
Eren pulled Levi down onto his chest and wrapped his arms around him. "Let's just be boyfriends for now. If we end up as boyfriends for life, all the better."
Levi frowned, but he did not resist the tight embrace.
This crazy brat! Offering a lifetime together. Offering sex. Offering eternal devotion. Eren had so much to give, and Levi feared taking too much all at once.
Still, just knowing Eren was so willing to be devoted melted Levi's heart. He wished he knew how he could say words like that back to him, but he had never been good at expressing himself.
He leaned his ear down onto Eren's chest, listening to his heart beating and occasional drips from the faucet plopping into the bathtub. Eren's arms were at first tight and possessive, then loosened, relaxing, sinking…
Sinking…
Into warmth…
Levi honestly had no idea that he had fallen asleep on Eren's chest until the torso under him jolted in a hypnagogic jerk. Eren let out a small snore in surprise, temporarily shocked by the water around him and weight on his chest.
Levi smoothly asked, "Did you actually fall asleep, takhshet?"
"Sorry," Eren muttered drowsily. "You should have woken me up."
"You were too cute," Levi said, avoiding the fact that he had also snoozed. "Let's get out before you drown."
Eren pouted as Levi shifted off his chest. He wanted to stay in this warmth a little longer, but he also felt his toes starting to prune.
They dried off, went out into the main room, and Eren turned off the lights. Still naked, they climbed into bed together. Eren's arms grasped around Levi, crushing him in a hug.
Levi grumbled, "I need room to breathe, idiot."
"I want to feel you close," he whispered. "I want to spend every night like this."
Levi closed his eyes and muttered, "That would be nice."
"By the way." He leaned into Levi's ear. "Your penis was delicious."
Levi suddenly pushed his chest. "Putain de gamin! Did you brush your teeth? Don't kiss me with that mouth until it's clean."
Eren laughed and grabbed Levi even closer. "Ja, ja. I brushed my teeth and drank a little wine to clean my mouth."
"That's not enough."
"It's the best I can do. Are you never going to kiss me again?"
Sulking, Levi stopped fighting and lay smashed up against Eren's chest. "Obviously, I will. Just don't remind me what that filthy mouth of yours has done."
"Maybe I want to remind you…" He leaned into Levi's ear again. "…so you'll let me devour you more often."
"You're a naughty child."
"Or a very hungry man," Eren said with a sensual smirk.
Levi relaxed down onto Eren's chest, allowing himself to be held. "Brat. You really had me worried earlier."
"Hmm? Worried?"
"That letter."
Eren's eyes lowered. "Oh." He squeezed Levi tightly. "So long as I have you, I know I'll be okay. You remind me that I have something to live for, someone who cares whether or not I'm still alive."
"Of course I care," Levi whispered, still heartbroken that Eren felt so desperately low. "You can rest assured that at least one person in this world will always care about you, no matter what you do or how bad this war gets."
Eren smirked as he rubbed Levi's bare shoulders. "You care about me?"
"Of course I do."
"And you always will?"
Levi blushed. "That's entrapment. You made me say that."
"You said it all on your own." Eren still chuckled as he nuzzled him. "Say it again."
Levi rolled his eyes. He had said those words, not even really thinking about it. Softly, he mumbled, "You're such a brat."
Eren kissed the top of Levi's head. "I love you too."
Levi growled quietly and stubbornly refused to look at Eren, knowing already that he had that tiny smirk of his that showed he knew what Levi really meant.
The weariness and emotional exhaustion of that whole day caught up. Rather than gently falling asleep, it was more like Eren passed out. He suddenly went limp, and for a moment Levi was worried. Then he saw the slow breaths. Eren was sound asleep with his mouth a little open.
Levi looked down at him, so young and vulnerable, not even twenty yet, and he had seen such hell. He gave Eren a kiss on the forehead and settled in next to him. For a moment, Levi smiled to himself.
"I'm seriously an idiot for loving you so much," he whispered.
Here he was, back in dangerous territory, but with Eren beside him, Levi felt like nothing could ever drive them apart again.
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Finally! I’ve been waiting to give you this chapter. This was one of the first scenes I wrote when I began to work on this story back in 2014. It’s gone through soooooo many revisions, including rewriting the ending just a few days ago. (Eren originally had his mourning breakdown at the very end and fell asleep in emotional exhaustion, but I always felt that this left such a delicious chapter on a sour note; I finally figured out how to rework the PTSD door slam scene to include the mourning scene.) They still have some emotional issues to work out, but definitely, they have taken many huge leaps to get to this point in their relationship.
Sensenmann – The Grim Reaper. The word translates literally to “scythe man.” The image of the dark shrouded skeleton with a scythe spread through Europe during the Bubonic Plague, which killed 30-60% of the European population. Jeremiah 9:22 says, “Dead bodies will be left where they fall like manure in the fields, lying there like stalks of freshly-cut grain behind the reaper, with no one to collect them.” During the Plague, that scripture seemed to be coming true, as there were not enough survivors to properly bury all the dead. Thus the skeletal image of the Biblical Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (Death riding a pale horse) began to carry the scythe farmers used to reap fields and wore the black hooded habit of Catholic priests who would say prayers over the dead. The English term “Grim Reaper” was coined in the 1847 book The Circle of Human Life:
“All know full well that life cannot last above seventy, or at the most eighty years. If we reach that term without meeting the grim reaper with his scythe, there or there about, meet him we surely shall.”
Doramad – A toothpaste brand that existed from 1920-1945. It was distributed to German soldiers during the War. It contained small amounts of thorium and promised “Your teeth will shine with radioactive brilliance.” The radiation dosage was extremely low, and there are no known cases of oral cancer from Doramad. (I actually talked about that on Wikipedia.) So rest assured, Levi won’t end up with oral cancer from this stuff.
“Radioactive Quackery” (yes, that’s the term for it) was a health fad in the early 20th century, although it still lingers to this day, despite ample scientific proof that it doesn’t work as advertised … and often does the exact opposite of what companies promise.
Unlike radiotherapy which correctly destroys cells (usually cancer cells) with measured doses of radiation, radioactive quackery falsely claims to heal cells and tissue with massive, unregulated doses of radiation. Such quackery includes radium salts, uranium (along with lead and arsenic) lined drinking jugs, bathing in or drinking radium-infused water, the “uranium sand houses” of the American Southwest, and Tho-Radia, a French beauty line with powders, creams, lipsticks, toners, etc., all infused with thorium and radium lead.
In modern times, there’s radon-infused spas that use uranium mine wastewater and are popular in parts of the USA, Germany, Austria, Ukraine, Czech Republic, Turkey, Italy, and hundreds of onsen (hot springs) in Japan have been found to be slightly radioactive. “Anti-5G” necklaces, pendants, bracelets, stickers, underwear, hats, and blankets can contain enough radiation to cause one’s hair to fall out, reduction in white blood cells, skin burns, and chromosomal damage (especially if you wear them 24/7 like the 5G conspiracy theorists insist). “Negative ion technology” personal products can contain trace amounts of uranium and thorium, and in some cases contain more radioactive material than is legally permitted.
Turmfalke – German for kestrel (Falco Tinnunculus), a small bird of prey, very fast and excellent hunters, able to hover in place by rapidly beating their wings and then diving down right upon their prey (usually mice and baby animals, they are tiny after all). I live right in front of a nature preserve and we see a lot of kestrels around here.
Fun fact: In 1500s England, kestrels were known as windfuckers. This was based on the original meaning of the verb to fuck (to beat, to strike) in reference to their ability to hover in place by beating the air rapidly with their wings.
So if Levi is a kestrel, that means he’s a little (wind) fucker.
...
A little personal anecdote about radiation quackery, which is a subject I can go on and on about, because I actually own some of these items.
Long ago, I inherited my grandfather's watch. It glowed in the dark and was a wind-up, which I thought was really cool, so I wore that watch for years. By the time I was in high school, I couldn't always wear it because I would get a red blotch on my wrist right at the metal backing, like a burn, and sometimes the skin peeled. I would take the watch off, the skin would heal over the weekend, I'd wear it again come Monday, and by the end of the week my skin was red. I thought it was just the hot California weather, but my mom insisted on taking me to the doctor since this even happened in winter.
He took one look at the watch and told me to never wear it again. It was a radium dial watch. While these are mostly harmless when sealed, they can give off enough radiation to be detected on a geiger counter. If the glass watch face were to crack and the radium salt dust got into the air, it would be really bad, releasing up to 10,000 microrentgen/hour. (The equivalent of getting one chest x-ray every hour.)
My doctor worried, since I was wearing it every day and was a rather active teenager, if I had cracked the seal somewhere, then the skin redness might actually be radiation burns.
The watch is now wrapped securely in a plastic ziplock bag, surrounded by bubble wrap, and stored in a box. I was told that this is enough to shield it, especially how old it is and the radiation should have mostly decayed, but I was told to only open the box in a well-ventilated area as radium dust could potentially accumulate in the air inside the box.
It is now a memento of my grandfather, and of a bygone age when people thought radiation, cigarettes, and heroin were good for you.
More recently, my uncle-in-law gave me two “ionic” sports bracelets to help with arthritis in my wrist. (The same wrist that I wore the radium watch on for years, so could it possibly be related to radiation screwing up my bones?) I wore them without knowing what was really in them.
After wearing the bracelets for a few weeks, I saw no improvement in wrist pain, so I stopped bothering. After seeing a Veritasium video about negative ions, salt lamps, and other such products, and how they may actually be extremely harmful to your health (producing potentially toxic levels of ozone or trace amounts of uranium) I decided to google what precisely these bracelets I have are made out of. That was when I went down the rabbit hole of negative ions and anti-5G quackery. While I cannot figure out what materials were used in my particular bracelets, some can expose a wearer to radiation up to the equivalent of 5 dental x-rays per day. I've not worn the bracelets again.
References:
- http://museumofradium.co.uk/doramad-toothpaste
- https://www.uatom.org/en/2021/12/14/consumer-products-containing-radioactive-substances-use-or-refuse.html
- https://www.orau.org/health-physics-museum/collection/radioactive-quack-cures/pills-potions-and-other-miscellany/doramad-radioactive-toothpaste.html
- https://physicstoday.scitation.org/doi/full/10.1063/PT.3.1500
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doramad_Radioactive_Toothpaste
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radioactive_quackery
- https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/article/100118-radiation-toxic-water-revigator
- https://www.weirduniverse.net/blog/comments/uranium_dirt_sitting_houses
- http://museumofradium.co.uk/tho-radia
- https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20180306-a-spa-where-patients-bathe-in-radiactive-water
- https://www.washingtonpost.com/health/radon-treatment-mine-radiation-covid/2021/08/06/2bcf9ebc-f08f-11eb-81d2-ffae0f931b8f_story.html
- https://theworld.org/article/6781420/2016/07/08/thousands-people-are-treated-radon-baths-every-year-ukraine
- https://listverse.com/2015/07/10/10-places-around-the-world-where-you-can-take-a-radium-bath
- https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2021/dec/17/anti-5g-necklaces-radioactive-dutch-nuclear-experts-quantum-pendants
- https://www.forbes.com/sites/zacharysmith/2021/12/17/some-anti-5g-products-are-dangerously-radioactive-scientists-say/?sh=7238f564614c
- https://emfadvice.com/negative-ion-bracelets
- https://the-unwinder.com/news/negative-ion-bracelet-radiation
- https://www.drishtiias.com/daily-news-analysis/negative-ion-technology
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radium_dial
- https://youtu.be/ZQ--scjcAZ4
- https://www.mic.com/articles/132638/bad-news-those-popular-magnet-therapy-bands-are-secretly-sending-radiation-into-your-body
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Dangerous Territory