Adult-FanFiction.org : Anime

Only in Your Eyes Am I Worthy	By : Lucythebeast Category: +M to R > Neon Genesis Evangelion Views: 28767 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
Evangelion: Only In Your Eyes Am I
Worthy

Chapter 8: The Dark Night of the Soul

Shinji walked out onto the Eva gantry and frowned when he
saw the entry plug for Unit 02 opened, but Unit 01�s was closed. �Katsuragi-shousa?� Shinji called,
stepping back and looking up at the control room. �Was I not supposed to go
first with the synchronization testing?�

�Hai.
Pilot Ikari, you are to test with Unit 02 today. We are doing cross testing again.
Given Unit 01�s uncontrollable status and Unit 00�s destruction, we have to see
how all the pilots will sync with Unit 02. Now, please get into the entry plug
and ready yourself for sync testing.� The major replied into the microphone.
From that distance, she couldn�t see how pale the first child�s face had
become.

Shinji�s shoulders slumped and he shuffled towards Unit 02�s
entry plug as if he were walking to his own death. �Ryoukai
[Roger that], Katsuragi-shousa.� He slid into the LCL
and immediately shivered, feeling the slimy liquid surrounding him. And worse,
he could feel Asuka�s very essence surrounding him. He leaned frd ard and
crossed his arms over his chest and waited as he was lowered into Unit 02. �I
mustn�t run away� I mustn�t run away�� He muttered, though he wasn�t quite
convincing himself.

�What�s that, Shinji-kun?� Maya asked, turning the volume up
on the comm. system.

Shinji blushed as he remembered his dream from the night
before, though that quickly reminded him that Rei had kicked him out of her
apartment upon awakening. After he finished with the sync testing he would have
to head back to the major�s apartment, as Rei no longer needed nor wanted his
presence. �Nothing, Ibuki-chuui. [AN: It�s strange�
the websites I�ve looked at have always referred to Maya as being a 2^nd
Lt. and then they also say that Shigeru and Makoto are 2^nd
Lieutenants as well, but then they state that Maya is of a higher rank than the
other two. The only thing I can figure is that either she is of a higher class
(meaning she�s been a 2^nd Lt. longer) than the other two, or she is
actually a 1^st Lt. which would make a bit of sense since she is Ritsuko�s assistant� so I just changed it to 1^st
Lt.] It just feels� strange to be in here.�

�Oh, don�t worry about it, cutie.� Maya said softly into the
microphone, smiling for a moment before glancing at the others hoping they
wouldn�t notice her brief lack of professionalism. It had been worth it though,
because Shinji�s face turned beet red.

�Ikuki-chan, don�t tease the
pilot.� Dr. Akagi deadpanned, and smiled for the briefest of moments when the
cute lieutenant turned to give the doctor an apologetic smile, letting her know
she had been amused by it as well.

�Hai,
Akagi-senpai. Gomen� sync ratio at��.. 23%? And slowly dropping.� Maya
reported, frowning at the results.

�23%?! He can�t even get the Eva
moving at that rate. Shinji-kun! Concentrate! It can�t be that much harder to sync with Unit 02 than 01. It�s all in your
head. Pretend you�re in Unit 01.� Misato suggested, leaning over the console
and looking between the observation window and the monitor showing the inside
of the entry plug.

�H� hai, Katsuragi-shousa.� Shinji whispered. He took deep
breaths, trying not to think about how Asuka�s essence was floating in the LCL
and that he was inhaling it along with the blood-like liquid. He felt cold and
scared, and when he tried to open his mind to Unit 02, he felt the unfamiliar
and clammy presence of that Eva. Though he had been inside this unit once
before, it wasn�t the same as now. He had only tried to keep his thoughts from
causing a feedback for Asuka then, now he was trying to become as close to
being one as he could with the disturbed pilot�s Eva. And it wasn�t working
very well. He gritted his teeth together when he heard Misato yelling at him
again and forced his mind to open, realizing that they weren�t going to give up
until he was either exhausted or at a decent sync ratio.

�Sync rate rising. 28%... 34%...... 58%! 73%... Oh my, it�s
still going up. Major, he�s approaching Ego border! 96%... still rising!� Maya
yelled.

Shinji was shivering, but he couldn�t stop it now. He had
opened his mind and the presence of the Eva�s soul was pushing against his
mind. It felt a bit like Asuka, but different. �Oh god�� Shinji grabbed at his
head, nearly ripping off the neural interfaces, and screamed in horror.

�Eject entry plug!� Misato and Ritsuko both ordered at the
same time.

�Signal rejected!� Shigeru reported.

�It�s not working!� Maya cried,
frantically hitting keys as she started panicking. �Ego border crossed! 110%...
115! The Eva is taking over!�

�ASUKA YOU FUCKING BITCH!� Shinji suddenly screamed from
Unit 02, shocking the control crew.

�What�s he doing!?� Misato queried, looking over at Makoto.

�Blue light detected! No� it vanished. What the hell?�
Shigeru scratched his head.

�Shinji-kun!� Misato yelled into
the microphone, seeing Shinji�s body becoming transparent for a few moments.
<Not again� please not again!> �Is the Eva showing any sign of activating?
Is it berserking?�

�Negative. Eva is still inactive.� Dr. Akagi reported. She
frowned at the results. �The MAGI say that Shinji is under psychic assault by
Unit 02. It�s� it�s trying to dominate him.�

Shinji started crying, and slumped down and remained
immobile. In his mind�s eye he saw images of a doll hanging and then a woman
next to it. She stared at him with her cold dead eyes and he felt chilled to
the core as he saw the resemblance between Asuka and the woman. �Is that� Asuka�s mother?�

�Why are you here? You are not She.
Where is my precious little doll?� A voice sounded in his head.

�Nani!? Your� doll?� Shinji looked ahead, now in a mental plane that
was only reachable in dreams and through the Eva.

�WHERE IS MY DAUGHTER! WHAT HAVE
YOU DONE TO HER!? You are the one that occupies her thoughts. The one who she wants to possess. Why do you spurn my
daughter? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HER!?� The lips of the dead hanging woman were
moving.

Shinji stared in horror, unconsciously pulling his mind out
of contact with the Eva�s soul. �Sync rate dropping from 280%... 240� 220�
190�� Maya reported, calming down as the danger was passing� she hoped.

Shinji froze as a red-headed little girl was before him,
running towards him with a look of pure joy on her face. �Mommy!
They accepted me mommy! I�m going to pilot Eva! Mommy!�

�A�. Asuka?! She�s� happy? She�s�
really happy.� Shinji shivered as he realized how strange that was. He paled as
the girl ran into the room where the woman was hanging. �Oh shit!� He cried,
vomiting into the LCL. He tried not to think about how it was now floating
around him in the liquid. He felt a sharp pain shoot through his head and he
slumped down unconscious.

�Sync down to 0%, ejection signal accepted!� Lt. Ibuki
called, standing up to watch as the plug was ejected.

�Oh thank the gods.� Misato sighed and leaned forward onto
her hands.

�I would call this experiment a failure, Katsuragi.�
Commander Ikari�s voice came from the comm. system, obviously from his
observation deck.

�Hai, commander.
Should we try with Rei?� Misato asked in her most respectful tone.

�Negative. Pilot Ayanami has not been cleared for duty. I
would suggest you keep Soryu away from Unit 01 as well, until her psychological
state has become more� stable.� The commander stated.

�Copy that. Sir? What of
Shinji-kun?� She asked, though she had a good feeling what his response would
be.

��.. Send him home. Or to the infirmary
if he is injured. He will remain on call with Unit 01.� Gendo replied, then cut the communication off.

Misato frowned and looked down at the Eva gantry, glad to
see that Shinji seemed healthy, though groggy. �He said he�s coming home with
me today. He won�t be too happy when he sees his room��

**********************

Gendo turned to look at Rei, who was
standing before him, still in a few bandages but looking a lot better than just
after her Eva had self-detonated. �I trust you have no problems with
that, Ayanami?�

Rei�s eyes narrowed slightly for a moment, though whether in
confusion or anger the commander couldn�t tell. �I trust all of your commands,
sir.�

<You�re far from unreadable to me, Rei. I�m not sure I
like this situation. Your emotions are developing at a rate I do not care
for.> �Your report then, Rei.� Gendo crossed his fingers in front of his
face and gaze the girl his most penetrating stare.

�I have recovered sufficiently to care for myself. I have
asked Shinji-kun to return to the major�s home.� Rei replied.

�Why?� Gendo inquired.

�I thought it might be inappropriate for us to continue to
share living space when I no longer needed his care.� The first child stated,
though she hardly sounded convincing.

�Is that the only reason?� The commander queried, leaning
forward slightly. <Don�t lie to me.>

�I� am not sure. I think that perhaps my feelings for Pilot
Ikari have grown beyond pilot comradery.� Rei reported, shuffling her foot a
bit and reaching back to clasp her still injured arm with her good hand.

Gendo stared at the girl before him silently for several
long moments before he finally spoke. �Explain.�

The slight red tint that came to her cheeks was enough of a
response for Commander Ikari, but Rei ventured forth as best an explanation as
she could. �I am not sure. I do not understand the feelings I have. I� care for
him. I worry for his safety more than most, perhaps more than anyone I know,
save yourself of course.� <I do not like voicing my
feelings. Don�t you know this, commander?>

�There is something you are hiding from me. I will not
tolerate such behavior.� The commander stated, a hard
edge in his usually calm and collected voice.

Rei blinked several times and considered those words. <Am
I hiding something? I do not understand. Oh� I see what he wants to know.>
�When� before I self-detonated Unit 00, when the angel was merging with it and
myself, I believe my soul wanted to be one with Shinji-kun�s.
I� cared more for his life than my own so I knew I had to do what I did to
prevent our merging and ending his life.� Rei looked down at her feet, not
meeting the commander�s eyes. She was uncomfortable with her feelings, and it
was worsened by sharing them.

�Are you in love with my son?� Gendo asked,
a touch of surprise coloring the tone of his question.

Rei chewed her lip nervously and swayed her hips forward and
back slightly, rocking on her heels. <Is this love that I am feeling?> �I
do not know, sir. Perhaps.�

The commander was silent in thought for a while, long enough
to fray the nerves raw of any normal person. The silence was even beginning to
wear at the normally stoic first child as well but she did not show it. She
raised her gaze to look the man in the eyes as she awaited his response. She
knew he had one and that he was waiting for the right opportunity to share it.
�If I command you to cease your fraternization with Pilot Ikari and maintain a
strictly professional relationship with him and forget that you ever had
feelings for him at all, would you do this?�

Rei was silent for longer than Gendo cared for, but she
finally answered. �Hai. I
will comply with my orders.�

<Are you becoming more� defiant?> Commander Ikari
frowned and reached into his desk and slid a case out. He opened it and drew
out a thin object that resembled an ice pick but was sharper and made of a
tougher metal alloy. It was used mostly in assassination and could puncture
through a skull with sufficient force, especially if it was stabbed through the
temple or the base of the neck. �Would you kill Pilot Ikari if I so commanded
it?� He slid the case towards her, noting her reaction.

She was clearly distressed, her eyes widening in shock of
the question. She shivered for a brief moment and her form tightened, as if she
were recoilinom tom the offending assassination weapon. �Kill
Shinji-kun!?� She blurted. She looked up into the commander�s eyes and
shivered again, seeing the deadly serious expression. <His own son� my
Shinji-kun� but� I must comply with my orders, even if it kills my heart to do
so. I must�> �H�. hai, Ikari-shousei. [There seem
to be a lot of words that mean commander� this one seems
the most appropriate] I will comply with my orders.� <Please� please don�t
command me to kill Shinji-kun! I don�t want to kill anyone, least of all
him.>

Gendo nodded. Though he saw the hesitation and the worry in
her eyes, he knew she spoke only the truth. Whether it ripped her heart out or
not, she would follow orders. <One last test, then.> �I must know that my
orders mean more to you than your own life, Rei. Stab this blade through your
hand.�

�Nani!? Hai,
Ikari-shousei.� Rei picked up the weapon with her good hand and looked
at her other hand. <I can�t aim well enough to only pierce skin� I either have to go through the muscle and lose hand strength or go
through tendon and lose the ability to move two of my fingers� I can
live with weakness.> �I will comply, sir.� She brought the weapon down and
grunted as it slid through flesh and scraped against bone.� <HOLY MOTHER
LILITH THAT HURTS!> Rei met the commander�s gaze, unable to hide the pain
she was in as her eyes watered. �Permission to visit the
infirmary, sir?�

Gendo crossed his fingers in front of his face again and
stared at the girl as she bled on his desk. �Denied for now.
You have more questions to answer. Now, have you had sexual intercourse with my
son?�

<How can you ask me something like that at a time like this!?
My hand feels like it�s on fire!> �No sir.� She gasped out.

�you you planning on having sexual intercourse with my son?�
Was his next question.

��..� Was her reply.

�Will you pursue sexual intercourse with my son?� He
realized he had to word the question differently for he had left too many
possibilities open.

�No sir.� Was her reply. He could
see the unasked question �Can I go now and get my hand fixed before I pass
out!?� in her eyes, but he ignored it.

�Come here. Sit on my lap.� <She hasn�t sat on my lap
since� the first.>

�� Hai.� Rei approached him and carefully sat in the man�s lap,
wincing as he wrapped his arms around her waist. <Ow�
my ribs are still sore! And my hand is throbbing� and my arm aches as well.>

�Will you follow any order I give you, no matter how bizarre
it may seem, or even if it is the last thing you would ever wish to do?� He
asked. <The success of the Human Instrumentality hinges on
how well you follow my orders. I must have 100% compliance. Anything
less is unacceptable.>

Rei was silent once more. She winced as the man shifted
suddenly and she could sense him reaching into his desk for something. She did
not know what it was, but she didn�t imagine it was for a lollypop. �I�
honestly do not know, sir. I will follow any order you give me to the best of
my ability, but I cannot guarantee that I would follow any order given. I am
sorry to disappoint you.� <Surely he understands.>

Gendo raised the pistol up until it was at the back of Rei�s
head. His finger twitched as it rested on the trigger of his prized Bren Ten, one of the few remaining of the coveted handguns
in the world. In other circumstances he would have used a silenced Beretta 92,
but the room they were in was sound-proofed and Rei was special to him and
deserved to be ended by the gun that was most special to him. [AN: Twisted
logic, ne?]

Rei could sense the gun behind her and realized that her
response meant her death. She turned to look at the gun for a long moment then
stared deeply into the commander�s eyes, not looking away even for a moment.
<Her eyes are so emotionless� no wait� is that� sorrow?> His hand began
to twitch as his resolve weakened. <She smells so much like Yui�> His
free hand rested on the girl�s thigh as he fought the conflicting desires to
end her life and wrap her in a comforting hug. <I can�t think straight�>
�Stand, Rei.� He commanded gruffly.

�Hai,
commander.� She stood and took a few steps away from him, though her
eyeverever left his. She looked at him without a trace of fear, though regret
was now more pronounced in her expression.

Gendo leveled the gun at her head again and stayed there,
motionless. His eyes hardened as he stared at the girl he had raised as his own
daughter for years, a girl who just months ago only cared about one person on
the planet, himself. He had carefully manipulated her so that he was the only
one she loved, but he hadn�t counted on the emotions that his son instilled in
women, especially his Rei. It was� unacceptable. �Do you understand why I must
do this, Rei?�

�Aa, commander.
I forgive you.� She stated in a serene and loving tone.

Gendo stared at her silently for several minutes, his body
only moving slightly with each breath. <Forgiveness?
That was the last thing I expected.> Ikari Gendo took a long deep breath
then squeezed the trigger.

************************

Ritsuko Akagi leaned forward and grinned as she shook her
glass in a circular motion, making the ice clink against the glass. �You know
what really burns me, Maya-chan? I know he�s only
using me for sex and for the obvious professional reasons. Yet still I cling to
him. Can you explain that to me?� Her voice had the slightest slur to it as she
had consumed a fair quantity of alcohol in the past hour.

Lt. Ibuki shrugged nervously. �I um� I think that you just
need to feel� wanted. I don�t know. Perhaps you should� end it. Seek a
relationship with someone more� attuned to your needs?� The girl blushed
slightly and looked down.

Dr. Akagi leaned forward and stared into the other girl�s eyes
for a long tense moment before she grinned. �I don�t think there are too many
eligible bachelor�s left in the city after that little
incident with Unit 00. Unless you had someone in mind?�

<Just say it.> �Perhaps.� Was
all Maya could manage.

Ritsuko smiled and stroked the other girl�s hand tenderly.
�Tell me� who is it? Is he cute? Is it someone you�ve dated? Is he good in
bed?�

Maya blushed and shook her head nervously. �What? Iie, sempai.
It�s nothing like that. I�� <SAY IT!> �I don�t know.
I just don�t think you should stay in a relationship that�s as unhealthy as
your current one. <Coward!>

The doctor shrugged. �Hai.
I tell myself that I use him as much as he uses me� but I never quite convince
myself. We�ll see. I really don�t want to be alone right now though. So, I
guess unless you know someone that I might like, I�ll just stay where I�m at
for now. Even if he does say HER name sometimes.�

Maya looked at her feet. <Say something, you coward!>
�Perhaps a man isn�t what you should seek out? A girl might suit you better,
sempai.�

Ritsuko chuckled, slightly surprised. �Oh? I don�t think
girls are into me. They never look at me in that way, if you know what I mean.
Oh� I think I know what you�re trying to say.�

Maya looked up, shocked. �You� you do!?�

The doctor chuckled and nodded. �But Misato and I aren�t
like that. We�re just good friends. Sure, she�s beautiful, but we�ve always
just been friends. I doubt either of us are seeking to make it more� unless you
know something I don�t?�

�Eh� iie,
sempai. It� was just a suggestion.� Lt. Ibuki sighed. <She didn�t
even consider me. I guess that is my answer.>

Ritsuko smiled. �It was a nice thought. Oh my� I�m so drunk
right now. I should get home. I�ll see you tomorrow at Asuka�s sync test.� The
doctor leaned forward and gave the lieutenant a chaste kiss on the lips before
she got up and left.

Maya sighed happily and leaned back in her seat. <I�m so
pathetic� but that was so worth it. Wait� she just stuck me with the bill! ARGH!>

cla class=MsoNormal>************************
- 7
- 8
- 9
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Only in Your Eyes Am I Worthy