Crash

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Chapter 8


Ryuuichi bounded into the room, cheerful as always, a notebook and
crayons tucked--hidden--in his coat. \"Shuu-chan! Are you ready to
have some more fun?\" he called as he danced to the bed. He tossed
Kumagoro onto the pillow next to Shuuichi\'s bed and took a seat,
already pulling free a drawing he\'d done earlier--him and Shuuichi in
pink bunny suits bearing Easter Eggs. \"I made it for you. Do you like
it?\"

Shuuichi blinked, a bit startled by the loud entrance, though after a
moment he managed a smile as he accepted the drawing. \"It\'s
very...nice,\" he replied, not sure how to respond to the child-like
scribbles. \"Thank you.\"

\"Ta~da! I thought you\'d like it. Haven\'t you done any since I left?\"
He made a quick search of the room before settling again. \"And you
took the fort down; that Yuki\'s no fun, you know. It was a really
good fort.\"

Shuuichi nodded as he set the drawing beside him on the night
table. \"It was, but it made it hard for me to get to the bathroom,\"
he pointed out. He sat up and scooted his way back so he could lean
against the headboard. \"And Yuki doesn\'t really have any \'doodling\'
paper, so mostly I just watch TV.\"

\"Oh? Well then, it\'s a good thing I brought...this!\" Ryuuichi
displayed the large doodlebook proudly, offering it to
Shuuichi. \"Doodling\'s more fun than TV anyway, isn\'t it? I think it\'s
just great.\" He frowned slightly when his companion didn\'t reply with
perfect enthusiasm. \"You doing okay, Shuu-chan? It\'s a good thing I
came to cheer you up.\"

Shuuichi gave his smile a firm tug. \"Yeah—I really appreciate it,\"
he replied. //Though…I almost wish he didn\'t come over. It\'s
difficult….// He took an offered crayon—blue—and started a picture
obediently. He slowly doodled a keyboard. \"It\'s been pretty quiet,
after all.\"

\"Hm? Well, I guess that\'s how it is, when you\'re laid up.\" Ryuuichi
began a new drawing of his own. He did understand, a little—
frustration, loneliness. \"It\'s hard on people like us, isn\'t it?\" he
laughed, though his eyes thinned a little at the edges. \"We should
be on stages, not beds.\"

//Don\'t…say stuff like that.// \"Yeah….\" Shuuichi continued his
drawing without really paying much attention to what he was doing.
He could vaguely hear the clicking of the keyboard in the next room—
the majority of the sound of his conversation with his lover the last
week. He tried to ignore it, to think of something he could talk
about.

\"How is Nittle Grasper?\" he finally asked. \"Do you have another
concert planned? It\'s been a while.\" Yes, keep the talk off of his
injuries. That was best.

\"Yeah, it has. But things are picking up again—lack of competition,
I guess.\" He winked. \"We\'ll be in trouble when you get back on the
road, you know. It\'s always those `Come Back Tours\' that really take
off. You\'re gonna be hot stuff.\" He patted Shuuichi\'s cast, then
stopped, regarding it with wide, childlike eyes. He pulled a marker
out of his jacket that he just happened to have with him. \"May I?\"

\"Huh?\" Following the other\'s eyes, he felt a sudden twinge of…
horror. \"Um, well—\" But it was already too late, and he watched in
half amusement, half dismay as Ryuuichi set about covering the large,
blank surfaces with the cutest, most obnoxious pictures he\'d ever
seen. //I wonder what Yuki\'s going to say.// He imagined that the
author would snort and roll his eyes, and somehow the idea of such a
reaction made him smile, if a bit wistfully. Shuuichi set aside his
own drawing. \"Do you have any more markers?\"

Ryuuichi obediently produced three more—he always kept a large
supply, just in case he ran into autograph-hungry fans with
photos. \"I\'m signing your foot,\" Ryuuichi informed him, crawling
down to the end of the bed so he could mark the kanji into his
sole. \"You should sign the other, and then you\'ll be
priceless.\" //He\'s really quiet today. But I can\'t go much more
overboard than this, so maybe…. // \"Hey,\" he said, drawing in the
shapes of Shuuichi\'s toes on the end of the cast, just above his real
toes. \"Is there something on your mind?\"

Shuuichi glanced up with a faint smile. \"No, not really. Maybe I\'m
just tired—those drugs are really strong stuff.\" //And everything\'s
been really quiet lately.// He started filling circles with more
blue, not really paying much attention. But he smiled, and beamed at
his new signature. \"I would sign it, but I can\'t stretch that far,\"
he added.

\"You should sign the inside of your thigh. It\'ll make people
wonder.\" Ryuuichi giggled like a little kid as he began to scribble
random swirls and doodles, as good luck and get well soon
charms. \"Now if only we could get that Yuki to sign it, you\'d be
worth billions.\" He probably knew better than to bring Yuki up when
Shuuichi was already being quiet, but he was almost hoping they could
address the subject a bit.

Shuuichi chuckled at that. \"Yuki won\'t even sign one of his books
for me—he\'d never sign something as silly as a cast.\" Bored with his
circles, he glanced around before noticing the other\'s stuffed
rabbit, flopped over his pillow. Picking up a red marker, he began
to draw the pink bunny, though…his had particularly droopy ears.

Ryuuchi glanced up. \"Ahh, Kumagoro! Very nice.\" He finished with
the doodles, and after drawing a few shiny stage lights crawled up
the bed to recline easily at Shuuichi\'s side. \"Have you been working
on your music at all?\" he suggested lightly. He plucked Kumagoro off
the pillow, fitting the marker into its hands so it could sign
Shuuichi\'s knee. \"I know you can\'t really sing right now, but that
doesn\'t keep your keyboard from working.\"

His eyes darted to his abandoned drawing. \"Well…it\'s in the other
room,\" he replied, a bit hesitantly. \"And Yuki doesn\'t come in too
much, so I don\'t get the chance to ask. And I wouldn\'t want to
bother him….\" Shuuichi tightened his fingers around his
marker. \"It\'s just….\"

Ryuuichi glanced up, his eyes softening. \"It\'s hard, isn\'t it,\" he
filled in, smiling with a sudden wisdom. \"But you know…sometimes
writing when you least want to is what brings out some of the best
music.\" He settled Kumagoro in the crook of Shuuichi\'s elbow. \"Do
you want me to get it?\" he offered. \"We could write something
together. Wouldn\'t that be a scandal?\"

Shuuichi dropped his marker. \"To…together?\" He faced the elder
singer with wide eyes, and for a moment he forgot everything—forgot
the ache in his legs, the hollowness in his chest, and the silence of
the past week. \"Could we? I mean, would you really? With me?\" He
straightened eagerly and clutched at the stuffed rabbit.

//I thought that might do it.// Ryuuichi smiled, genuinely looking
forward to the opportunity. He hadn\'t found a new talent like
Shuuichi\'s for a while, and was somewhat eager to see him in
action. \"Sure!\" he said carelessly, though his eyes were shining.
He knew how much this must have meant to the boy. \"Just sit tight.\"
With that he tumbled off the bed and scampered from the room, only to
return after a bit of searching with Shuuichi\'s keyboard and a pad of
music paper with him. \"I should warn you,\" he teased as he jumped
back on the bed, \"I\'m even crazier when I\'m writing. It\'s pretty
intense stuff.\"

\"Oh, I don\'t mind,\" Shuuichi quickly assured, shifting to better
accommodate the keyboard across both their laps. He grinned. \"You
should see me. It\'s just a good thing that I have thick hair, or I\'d
be bald from all the pulling I do.\" Turning on the instrument, he
played a brief chord. Immediately a shiver went up his arm, and he
couldn\'t help sighing at just the familiar sound.

Ryuuichi smiled as he watched the expressions playing over the boy\'s
face. //He\'ll really be great. Soon….// He allowed Shuuichi a
moment to become reacquainted with the instrument before tapping idly
on a few keys for himself. When he found the right tone to start on,
he would know. \"So, it\'s going to be upbeat, right? Ballads are
great to sing, but nothing beats pop—especially on stage.\" He played
a strain from one of his earlier songs, just getting into the writing
mood.

Shuuichi could have died right there of happiness, just watching
those familiar hands touching his keyboard. \"Anything you want,\" he
replied easily. He hesitantly tried a few notes of his own. //I…
don\'t really know how to start. Usually I can just hear it all,
but….//

Ryuuichi paid close attention to even those idle wanderings; he could
tell Shuuichi was hesitant. //It must be really hard on him, being
here. The air\'s so thin even I can barely breathe. But I guess
that\'s what you get with a lover like Yuki Eiri.// His eyes thinned
a little as his fingers drifted over the keys, until he at last
struck a single note. //That one. That note sounds like him. Which
means Shuuichi is….// He stretched his hand, surrounding the notith ith a pair. \"That,\" he murmured, half to himself. //A single clear
note, cold, supported into a working chord. That\'s what the two of
them seem like, to me.//

Shuuichi\'s eyes widened, and he nodded slowly. He moved his own
fingers faintly, playing through a few harmonizing notes, letting
that unknown feeling in his stomach guide his choices. Somehow,
having that support, he was losing his apprehensions. \"How\'s that?\"

Ryuuichi nodded vaguely. His eyes were half lidded, but as he\'d said
ahead of time the gaze they hid was intense. They opened a little
wider whenever Shuuichi came across another note that seemed to
fit. \"There—that\'s pretty good, isn\'t it?\" He replayed a few of the
notes Shuuichi had thrown out, altering his harmony slightly to match
the key he was in. It was…the beginning of a song, and he hummed a
bit. \"It\'s a little rough, but something like that. Don\'t you
think?\"

His nod was more enthusiastic, and Shuuichi suddenly reached for the
music paper and a blue marker. \"Could you play it again? I want to
write it down before I forget.\" As Ryuuichi slowly repeated the
chords, Shuuichi quickly scribbled the notes down. When that was
done he turned quickly back to the keyboard, eager for the next
phrase.

They continued in that way, and Shuuichi was amazed at how fast it
was coming along. He eventually even forgot that he was supposed to
be worshiping the elder singer, and didn\'t feel any hesitation in
offering his ideas and corrections. For the first time in nearly a
week, he felt the knot in his chest loosen a bit.

//This…is great. Sakuma-san is…. //Shuuichi glanced up at the
other\'s profile. //He\'s being so nice.// Before he could help it,
he found himself shifting closer, until they were side-by-side,
shoulders touching as they continued to work. //I just…need….//

Ryuuichi snuck a peek at him but didn\'t say anything; he understood
what Shuuichi must have been going through, to some extent. //People
like us need people. Being locked away in a room like this has got
to be worse than any stupid broken leg.// He didn\'t mind the
closeness; he even shifted a little to allow Shuuichi nearer, if he
wanted, as they continued the song. He hummed a few bars
absentmindedly. //This song is about him—I can hear it already.//

That slight welcome was all he needed. Shuuichi relaxed, head
falling so it could rest against Ryuuichi\'s shoulder. //Just for a
while,// he told himself, fingers hesitating over the
keyboard. //Just for a moment, so I can get warm.// When the elder
still did nothing to push him away, Shuuichi feared he might crumble,
and he shivered faintly.

//Poor kid.// Ryuuichi smiled faintly, and without hesitation slung
his arm around Shuuichi\'s shoulders. \"It\'s okay,\" he said easily,
though even he wasn\'t quite sure of what he was referring to. It was
a little harder to keep playing one handed, but he wandered his way
through a few chords and basic melodies, just to keep the room from
being silent. //This isn\'t forever, Shuuichi. You\'ll be back, and
everyone\'ll love you even more. I wasn\'t kidding when I said you
were competition for me.//

\"Ah—\" Choking, Shuuichi only nodded. //I\'m sorry, I just….// He
abandoned the keyboard and leaned heavily against Ryuuichi\'s side,
relying on the other\'s strength. He could feel his chin quivering,
but he couldn\'t cry. He couldn\'t. Not in front of Ryuuichi. He
only sat still, trying to remember to keep his breathing slow and
even.

Ryuuichi was still for a while, letting his companion collect
himself. Meanwhile, he still played as if nothing had changed. But
there was something heavy in his stomach, and after a few minutes had
passed he squeezed Shuuichi\'s shoulder gently. \"Hey, Shuu-chan,\" he
asked, his voice taking on a more serious tone than usual. \"Can I
ask you something? Just don\'t take it the wrong way.\"

Shuuichi sniffled, and nodded, though he couldn\'t bring himself to
raise his head. He slowly realized what he was doing, and after
another moment he started to pull back. //I can\'t believe…I\'m doing
this to Sakuma Ryuuichi. I shouldn\'t be sad when he\'s here, writing
music with me….//

But Ryuuichi held him still, this time…maybe for himself. //People
like us need people.// \"I know this isn\'t the best time to ask,\" he
went on, feeling a little guilty. He didn\'t want to put any pressure
on Shuuichi when he was already so troubled. \"And I don\'t really
know you all that well, to be asking a question like this. But I\'ve
wondered for a while. If…you\'re happy, here.\" He elaborated before
Shuuichi could jump to conclusions. \"Not this, obviously, but I
mean, where you are. With all the decisions you\'ve made.\"

Letting himself be prodded back to Ryuuichi\'s shoulder, Shuuichi
frowned thoughtfully. //But….// He curled a little closer, suddenly
fearing the answer he didn\'t know how to give. \"Do you mean…with my
music? Or….\" He swallowed, but his mouth was dry. His voice
lowered to barely above a whisper. \"Do you mean…Yuki…?\"

\"Both,\" Ryuuichi answered calmly. He chuckled a little. \"Like I
said, don\'t get me wrong—it\'s not like I\'m offering an alternative.
I\'ve just wondered, that\'s all. If you\'re satisfied with your
music. If you really love your band—the people you choose to be
with.\"

\"I love my band,\" he replied immediately, without thinking. \"Hiro
and Fujisawa. I love being with them, making our music.\" //That\'s
right—I do. It\'s not about that. And Yuki—//

Shuuichi pulled away from the other, finally meeting Ryuuichi\'s
eyes. \"I love Yuki,\" he whispered, though with no less strength than
if he had been shouting the words. \"I…don\'t really know how he
thinks of me, but that doesn\'t matter.\" //It doesn\'t. Even when he
pushes me away. Even when…he ignores me—it doesn\'t matter.// He
licked his lips. \"I…I want to be with him….\"

Ryuuichi smiled, though his eyes were serious and almost intense as
he met the boy\'s gaze. \"Then don\'t give him up,\" he said
firmly. \"Don\'t give any of it up—don\'t step back, not even for a
moment. If I know anything, it\'s that.\" He turned abruptly back to
the keyboard across his lap, his grin widening. \"That, and that this
song will only work as a duet.\"

Shuuichi watched the other for a moment, letting everything they had
both said sink in. //Sakuma-san….// He smiled, faintly, and suddenly
leaned forward to wrap his arms around the other\'s neck. //He\'s
better than I ever thought he would be.// \"Thank you, Sakuma-san,\"
he said softly. \"I\'ll…remember that.\"

\"You\'d better,\" Ryuuichi laughed, ruffling his hair, \"because I\'m
going to make sure you mean it./He /He reminds me so much of
myself. // \"I\'m going to come back tomorrow at around…11:00? 11:30?
I\'ll bring Hi-kun with me, and we\'re going to the studio so we can
begin working on the arrangement for our duet, so it can go on your
comeback album, just before your comeback tour six months from now.\"
He winked. \"Right?\"

He pulled back and blinked. \"To…the studio?\" Shuuichi glanced down
at his ratty tank top and old boxers, at the scribbled on casts and
the brace peeking out beneath his shirt. \"But…my casts, and….\"

\"A wheelchair, a bath, and a little trip to wardrobe and you\'ll be
fine,\" Ryuuichi insisted. \"And don\'t even try to think about
covering up my art. Just tell Yuki-kun you\'re going out for the day,
and I\'m sure he\'ll fix you all up. You need to get out, Shuu-chan—
your toes are gonna rot off.\" He nudged the boy\'s foot
gently. \"Everyone\'ll bend ovackwackwards for you, and you\'ll get a
new song off the ground—it\'ll be good for you.\"

His expression faded into a smile once more, then slowly began to
brighten. //I\'ll get out, see everyone…. We\'ll make a new song.//
Shuuichi straightened and nodded. \"Okay. Let\'s do it.\" He could
feel a bit of his old strength returning, and he realized just how
much he\'d missed doing his music.

\"Good! It\'s settled, then.\" Ryuuichi grinned broadly. \"11:30 it
is. I\'ll book the studio and get everything set up—you just have torryorry about looking pretty, because I\'m sure the papa-nazis are going
to flock if they realize you\'re out and about. But we\'ll protect
you.\" Ryuuichi tumbled off the bed abruptly and straightened his
shirt. \"Anyway, I\'m gonna whip something up for ya before I take off—
I\'ll have to go talk to Tohma about getting everything ready.
Anything you want to eat?\"

\"Anything\'s fine,\" he replied. \"Though…maybe not rice. Or
udon.\" //Since that\'s all that Yuki makes….// Shuuichi had the
sudden urge to bounce off the bed as well, but he restrained him, and
instead sent his energy to his fingers and started replaying the few
notes they had come up with.

\"Alright! I\'ll make you something totally American!\" With that he
bounded out of the room. It took a little searching—they seemed to
have a lot of rice, beer, and little else—before finally unearthing a
can of spaghetti sauce and some noodles. He was pretty sure they
were supposed to be some kind of Ramen, but he figured it would be
close enough. In no time at all he\'d prepared a mediocre meal of
spaghetti and buttered bread, and he and Shuuichi raced through
eating it. Once they were finished—and Ryuuichi respectfully cleaned
the dishes and tidied up the room—he plunked Kumagoro onto his
shoulders.

\"Well then, I\'ll be off,\" he declared. \"You\'ve still got a few hours
of daylight left in ya, so I expect you to get through that second
stanza. Don\'t forget—11:30.\"

Shuuichi nodded. \"11:30,\" he repeated, feeling much more like his
old self. He waved happily as the elders singer departed, silently
thanking him. Once he heard the door shut, Shuuichi obediently
turned his attention to the keyboard that was still resting across
his lap. Smiling to himself, he continued the work they\'d started,
determined to live up to Ryuuichi\'s hopes.

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