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Don\'t Know What You\'ve Got \'Till It\'s Gone	By : dragonphire99 Category: +. to F > FAKE Views: 7216 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own FAKE, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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FAKE

Don't Know What
You've Got Till It's Gone

by Lady
Dragonphire

Summary: When Dee suffers amnesia after sacrificing
himself to save Ryo from a terrible accident, can Ryo overcome his shyness and
win back the love of his life before it's too late for their love?

Disclaimer:
FAKE and its characters are the property of Sanami Matoh.

WARNING:
The character's reactions might be slightly out of character when faced with
traumatic events, but then again one never really knows how one will act when
confronted by inescapable tragedy.

WARNING: Angst

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Chapter 7. Wait�

[I Never Had A
Chance To Love You]

(White Lion)

"Good
morning, Dee," Dr. Black said cautiously as she walked into his room and
observed Dee's dejected look, the charming man ignoring his gourmet breakfast
contained in the House of Pancakes restaurant box that was on his bedside table
next to the tray of untouched hospital food. His brilliant green eyes were
downcast and he looked as though he had not slept at all the night before.

"Morning,"
Dee mumbled halfheartedly, not
bothering to look up at her.

"Dee, is something wrong?" she
asked gently, not knowing how willing the fiery ebony-haired man would be to
talk about whatever was on his mind.

"Yeah,
everything in my life," he retorted bitterly, days of pent-up frustration
building up at the fact that he still had not regained any of his memories and
continued to feel utterly helpless - and alone. "Where do you want me to
start? I don't know who I am, I don't know who to trust, and I don't know what
I'm going to do tomorrow when I'm released from here and have to go live by myself,"
Dee said disgustedly. He did not add that it had been almost a week since he
hadn't heard anything from his friends from the precinct, or more importantly,
from Randy. He ran his hands through his ebony tresses in frustration as he
sighed.

"Don't get
discouraged, Dee. You must never give up hope.
Things will work out somehow, you just have to have faith. Speaking of faith,
your partner told me that he knows of someone who has been like a mother to
you, and I haven't been able to track her down until today. She's out in the
waiting room. If you'd like to see Sister Maria Lane, she'd be thrilled to have your
company," Dr. Black said kindly.

"O-okay,
show her in," Dee
replied hesitantly, leaning back against the pillows. Although he did not know
what to expect, he figured that it was at least worth a shot talking to anyone
who was able to offer any clues to his past or about who he was as a person. He
was willing to try anything at this point.

An elderly nun
walked into Dee's room, a sad smile spreading across
her weathered face as she took in the figure of the heartbroken raven-haired
man that was like a son to her sitting up in the bed. Dee studied her intently as she walked
over and sat in the chair next to his bed, placing a bag that she had brought
with her on the floor beside the chair before enveloping him in a loving hug.
"Oh Dee, I'm so glad that you're okay. I
was so worried about you," she said softly with genuine compassion, a sigh
of relief escaping her lips as she held onto him tighter.

"Thanks,"
he said gratefully as he wrapped his arms around her, embracing her in return. Dee basked in the comfort and warmth
that she seemed to radiate as she pulled away to look into his emerald depths.

"Please,
call me Mother," she said kindly. Dee nodded and marveled how at ease he
felt in the nun's presence, even for only knowing her a short while. He felt
that like a heaven-sent opportunity, he had finally found the one person that
he could open up to about his fears concerning the recent tragic events. He
told her what he could ascertain about the events of the accident from the
medical reports and hospital staff, and poured out his heart about how he felt
concerning the loss of his memory as well as the actions of the people that he
had encountered who had plunged him into a journey of utter confusion.

"I don't
know who I am," he began, his voice hitching in his throat as he revealed
his pain aloud for the first time since the accident. "I don't know who to
trust - I don't know who I CAN trust. I feel that everything is just going on
without me and leaving me behind in its wake. Life is happening all around me
but I can't move forward, for I don't know where I've been and what I've
experienced already. Everything is so confusing. I think I have a handle on
people and then they go and do something unexpected and I'm right back where I
started. How can I ever move on with my life if I don't know where to go? How
can I be in a relationship with someone if I can't even understand myself? Who
could love someone who has no memories of their past? Will I ever be able to be
loved and return someone's love ever again?" Dee asked desperately. Dee was overwhelmed by all of his
unanswered questions that ate away at his consciousness day in and day out.
Mother was content to just listen to Dee as he went over his feelings in detail, holding his hand
reassuringly and smiling in encouragement. "I guess I just don't know what
to do about anything right now," he finished, sighing in frustration.

"Believe in
yourself, Dee. You've always been honest and true to the path you chose,"
she said knowingly. "Follow your heart. Discover what feels right. You'll
find your way," she said reassuringly.

Dee flashed her an appreciative smile
as the tension seemed to leave his body, at least temporarily. It felt good to
talk to someone who understood what he needed right now. It felt good to be
able to believe in something again. Leaning back against the pillows with a
sigh and running his fingers through his ebony tresses, Dee noticed the bag at her feet next
to the chair. "What's that?" he asked, his interest piqued now that
he had experienced his much-needed emotional catharsis.

"Your
past," she replied mysteriously as she sat down on the bed next to Dee. She reached into the bag and
pulled out a worn photo album. "You may not have had a conventional
family, but you were certainly raised in a loving environment," she began,
opening the album to the first page, which showed a picture of a teenaged Dee
standing in front of the church that functioned as an orphanage with three of
his friends, the names Dee, Tommy, Barry, and Arnon written in Mother's
distinctive script underneath their grinning faces. "That was the day that
you guys all went to your first professional basketball game. I remember how
proud I was that you had worked hard and saved up the money doing odd jobs
instead of using the time to cause mischief like you usually did," she
reminisced fondly. "You four were quite a handful. You always seemed to be
getting into some kind of trouble or another, but Jess was always there to help
you out of it."

"Jess?"
Dee asked, a puzzled look crossing his
handsome face.

"Yes, Jess
Laetner, the man who was like a father to you and who inspired you to become a
cop. That's him there," she said, pointing to the next page of the album
where a dark-haired man had his arm slung around Dee's shoulders. Dee's hair was slightly longer and
pulled halfway back. The man in the picture looked like a proud father as he
smiled broadly. In turn, Dee was grinning and looked truly happy.

Dee looked up from the photo album
with a questioning look resonating from behind his endless green depths.
"Where are these people now? Why haven't they come to see me? Are they
even a part of my life anymore?" he wondered sadly.

She took his
hand gently in hers and clasped it. "I'm sorry; they are but remnants of
your past. You no longer are in contact with them," she said hesitantly.

Sensing her
reluctance to tell him any more than she already had, Dee looked at her with
pleading eyes. "Please� I need to know," he implored. "I need to
know who I am."

"This must
be so painful for you already. I don't want to add to your distress any more
than necessary. You've been through so much," Mother said gently in an
attempt to dissuade Dee's relentless pursuit of the topic.

"Please, I
want to know ALL of my past, as tragic as it may be. I want to know all of the
events and memories that have shaped me into the person who I am today. I have
dealt with them before; I can get through them now," Dee said resolutely.

Looking deep
into his eyes, Mother said slowly, "Dee, when you were fifteen, Arnon got
in with the wrong crowd and was killed in a shootout. You, Barry, and Tommy
found his body. There was nothing anyone could do for him. Believe me, you
tried. You went to Jess with the information that you had found concerning his
death in an attempt to clear his name. Unfortunately, Jess had to interfere
when some unscrupulous characters found out that you knew too much about the
details surrounding Arnon's death. He was murdered as a result. All he wanted
to do was to protect you from leading a dishonest life. He cared for you like
you were his own son. His last words to you were to `Live your life as honestly
as you always have'. Because of his influence, you decided to become a cop to
make sure that you could put right things that were wrong. You were determined
to put a stop to as much of the corruption of the gangs that ruled the streets
as you could. And you became a good cop, Dee. Jess would be proud."

Meeting her
unwavering gaze steadfastly, Dee slowly took in the information. "You
mean, everyone I've ever cared about has been taken from me?" he asked
angrily, his flashing eyes filling with bitter tears.

"Oh dear, I
was afraid of this happening. Please Dee, you couldn't have done anything to
prevent it. These things just happen. People make choices and have to accept
the consequences of those choices. It's not the quantity of life but the
quality. Wouldn't you have done the same for them? They wouldn't want you to
grieve," she said sadly.

"But why -
why did Jess have to sacrifice himself to protect me?!" Dee shouted.
"He didn't deserve what happened to him - no one deserves that!"

"Jess
performed the greatest sacrifice - to lay down one's life for another. You did
the same for your partner Randy. You were willing to sacrifice your own life to
save his, and if you hadn't acted how you did, he would be dead right
now," Mother said resolutely.

"That's
different - Randy is a wonderful, kindhearted person. The world needs more
people like him in it. I'm just a nobody, abandoned at birth and not worthy of
having a family. How could Jess do that for me? I don't deserve that kind of
love. He had everything, and he risked it all for me," Dee said
indignantly.

"How is
that so different from what you did, Dee? It is not up to you to decide the
value of a person's worth. You may be only one person in the world, but you may
be the world to one person. Randy loves you very much, Dee. You are his world.
Don't give up on yourself - you matter too much to your friends, colleagues,
Randy, and to me. A person's worth is not measured by where they start out in
life, but rather what they make of themselves. You have lived a good life, Dee.
You should be proud of yourself. I know I am proud of you," she said,
tears welling behind her deep brown eyes at seeing Dee in so much pain.

`Randy� that was
the second time he had heard someone mention how much Randy apparently loved
him. But how could this be?' Dee wondered. Turning to look into Mother's soft
eyes, Dee asked, "Well, if Randy supposedly loves me, then why hasn't he
said anything to me? It's like I feel a deep connection between us, but I can't
explain it more than that. I've barely gotten to say more than two words to him
since the accident, although his eyes are so full of expression. It's like they
speak volumes but in a language that I can't decipher. They contradict his
actions so much. I don't understand him. I wish he'd just throw me even the
slightest hint about how he felt about me," Dee said in frustration.
"Besides, even if he did love me, what can I offer to him? How can anyone
love somebody who has no past?" he said, his expressive eyes downcast and
full of pain.

"You can
offer your heart and your love to him," Mother said simply. "It's up
to him to decide if he can love someone with no past. Your past is not
everything, Dee. You still have your whole future ahead of you. Don't give up
now. Just keep the faith. I have a feeling that you will be seeing more of
Randy very soon. He just has to sort out his own feelings. This accident has
been tough on him, too. He'll come back to you, Dee - I know it," she
predicted with a comforting smile.

"I hope
so," Dee said with wistful longing. Looking back up at her with a steady
gaze he handed her back the photo album. "Thanks - it's nice to know that
I have such a wonderful person who cares about me," Dee said gratefully.

"Remember,
be honest with yourself - believe in yourself, Dee, for your heart knows its
true path. Find it in yourself to have the courage to follow it," she said
reassuringly as she gave him one final hug and left the room, satisfied that he
was now strong enough to overcome his fears and doubts and would be able to
move on with his life.

Noting the time
by the glowing numbers of the clock on the bedside table, Dee walked over to
the bathroom and brushed his teeth, changing into his pajama bottoms and
turning down the sheets for bed before climbing into it. As he lay back against
the pillows, he thought about everything that Mother had told him about his
life and about all of the people in it who had come and gone. He did not want
to lose Randy too. He did not want to lose possibly the best thing that had
ever happened to him. He was missing too many pieces of his life already.
Seeing the life-sized teddy bear sitting by the chair, he picked it up and
hugged it close, its soft texture offering a small worldly comfort as he
finally allowed himself to cry openly for the first time since the accident. He
mourned for what he had lost and for what he would have to face to get back on
the path to leading a normal life. He sobbed for what he could not have but
wanted desperately with all of his heart, the faint glimmer of hope dying
inside him like the glow of a firefly fading into the night as he was pulled
under sleep's welcome embrace.

_________________________________________________________

A lone figure
quietly pushed open the door to Dee's room and tread softly inside, closing the
door, careful not to wake the sleeping raven-haired man. Dee's arms were
wrapped around the huge teddy bear, clutching it to his bare chest for
much-needed comfort. The pale moonbeams cut through the windowpanes and
illuminated his handsome face which was marred by dried tear streaks that had
slipped past his guard unheeded as Dee's grief had continuously overwhelmed him
in a numbing trance long after he had fallen asleep.

Feeling a pang
of sadness at how alone and helpless the usually self-assured man looked lying
there in the bed, Ryo silently made his way over to Dee and lovingly brushed
some silky raven tresses out of Dee's eyes, casting a shadow over Dee's face
and blocking the moon's radiant glow that encapsulated his lover in an ethereal
aura. Carefully he pulled back the covers and lifted Dee's arm that held the
teddy bear, slowly easing the stuffed animal onto the chair by the bed. Dee
shifted slightly but did not open his eyes, although he frowned at the loss of
soothing warmth from the covers being pulled back and the removal of the bear
against his skin, shivering slightly in the chill autumn air that wafted in
through the drafty window and overpowered the feeble radiator emitting faint
heat from across the room.

Ryo removed his
shirt and climbed into the bed next to Dee, determined to warm Dee up with an
offering of his body heat. Ryo lay with his back to Dee's broad chest, bringing
Dee's arm down and wrapping it tightly around his waist, snuggling back against
Dee and molding the contours of his warm body against Dee's.

Eyes closed, Dee
instinctively pulled the warm body closer to his, sighing against honey blond
tresses that emanated an air of familiarity. This felt so right, so soothing,
having this man here in his arms. `Ryo', his subconscious mind registered
before he succumbed to his exhaustion and was pulled once more under sleep's
inviting spell.

"Oh Dee, I
never want to be without you," Ryo whispered fervently as he placed his
arms over Dee's, pulling him closer to his body and falling asleep in the arms
of the one he belonged to - now and forever.

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Don\'t Know What You\'ve Got \'Till It\'s Gone