Lies

A/N : I have to thank Midnight, who is now going to be my beta (Thankies!!!), and much thanks to everyone who has reviewed, you are all so great! Thank You!!! :D

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Shuichi entered his and Yuki\'s apartment, looking around. It was quiet, so Shuichi assumed that Yuki was still working on his novel. He was about to crash on the couch, when he saw Yuki sitting on the floor right in the middle of the living room.

\"Yuki?\" Shuichi asked, sitting beside him. Yuki turned to Shuichi and smiled. He handed Shuichi a huge stack of papers.

\"It\'s done.\"

\"Your novel?!\" Shuichi exclaimed, looking at the papers. On the front, it had a title page, which said \'Lies - a novel by Eiri Yuki\'

\"Lies?\"

Yuki nodded. \"Yes. You can read it, if you want.\"

Shuichi looked at Yuki with an expression of shock. Yuki NEVER let him read his works before they were published. \"Really?!\"

Yuki smiled, hugging Shuichi. \"Really.\"

Shuichi jumped up and ran into the bedroom, flopping himself on his stomach as he began to read. Yuki stood in the doorway, watching Shuichi. He was the first other than Yuki to read that novel. Yuki had typed for three hours straight, and he (amazingly) got it all done. It was weird for him to start and finish a novel in three hours. He thought it was impossible. He found out that it wasn\'t. Wandering to the kitchen, Yuki made himself some coffee. He would occasionally hear a gasp and a whimper, sometimes a giggle. He was getting a response. An hour passed, and Shuichi came out of the bedroom, his eyes red.

\"You done the novel already?\" Yuki asked, sipping his coffee.

\"No...I\'m on chapter 15. Yuki...\"

\"I know Shuichi.\"

Yuki looked up at his lover, motioning him to sit with him. Yuki knew what Shuichi was thinking. Yuki had written the novel, basing it on the experience Yuki had been having lately. It was hard to think up of an ending though. Shuichi leaned his head on Yuki\'s shoulder. \"I wrote a song about you. I thought I should top it off with a novel too,\" Yuki joked, kissing the top of Shuichi\'s head. Shuichi giggled a bit.

\"It\'s really good so far Yuki. I like it.\"

\"I\'m glad. So how have you been?\" Yuki tilted Shuichi\'s head to make him look at him. Shuichi gazed downwards. He kinda shrugged, and tried to snuggle back into Yuki\'s chest. Yuki continued to hold him though. \"Hey...you hardly talked to Christine, and when you did it wasn\'t very discriptive. You refuse to talk to me about it...and you almost got away with not taking your pill this morning. Is something on your mind?\"

Shuichi shook his head. \"No...I just don\'t want to talk about it. Is that okay? Why does everyone want me to talk? Why can\'t I just be left alone?\"

\"Because whenever we leave you alone you end up cutting. This isn\'t okay. You need to talk.\"

\"No I don\'t! You don\'t get it!\"

Shuichi forced himself up as he looked down at Yuki. \"You don\'t understand! What if I don\'t want to talk? What if I just wanna pretend it never happened?\"

Yuki stood up as well, putting his coffee down, and towered over his lover. \"You can\'t pretend it never happened.\"

\"And why the hell not?\"

Yuki took his lover, and shedded his sweater off, and then the tank top that was underneath. He then stared at the scars. \"That\'s why not. Look at these scars. What are you going to do come time to perform at a concert? Or go swimming with your friends? What\'s going to happen? Are you going to ignore the fact that everyone is so worried about you? Are you going to smile and \'pretend\' it never happened?\"

Shuichi looked away from Yuki. \"I can try.\"

\"No. You will talk. You will get better. You can\'t try to make it go away. It doesn\'t work. Trust me.\"

Shuichi quickly looked back at Yuki. \"T-trust you? Yuki?\"

Yuki pulled away, suddenly feeling cold. \"When I killed...him...I didn\'t want to talk to anyone. I wanted to just let it fade away. It doesn\'t fade away,\" Yuki stared into his lover\'s violet eyes. \"I still have nightmares about it.\"

Shuichi pulled Yuki back into a hug, nestling his head in the crook of Yuki\'s neck. \"Yuki...\"

\"I want you to take your pills, and I want you to talk to someone. Whether it is me, or Christine...hell I wouldn\'t care if you talked to K instead of me. Just...confide in someone.\"

\"What if I confide in something ?\"

Yuki looked at Shuichi. \"I journal...does that count?\"

Yuki shook his head. \"No. You are merely sharing your thoughts with yourself. You aren\'t bettering yourself...although your not worsening yourself either. You can continue with your journal...you just need to talk tno someone too.\"

Shuichi sighed, as he bit his lip. \"I don\'t wanna talk though. Look at what I\'ve done to everyone...\"

Yuki yet again pulled back and looked at Shuichi. \"What?\"

\"Look at what I have done...you\'re always so stressed out, and always asking me if I am okay. Hiroshi was so...quiet when I told him...I\'m upsetting everyone just because of my stupid habits...\"

Yuki stroked Shuichi\'s cheek, wiping away a lonely tear. \"We are worried about you!\"

\"But I don\'t want you to.\"

\"We will always worry about you.\"

\"Why? It\'s no big-\"

\"It is a big deal. We love you. I love you...\"

Yuki tried to breath, but it hurt so much to think that Shuichi wanted everything to just go away... \"Can\'t you just talk? Please?\"

Shuichi had never seen Yuki so upset. He was gasping for breath, obviously trying to fight back tears. Shuichi didn\'t know what to do. He could say he would talk, but he knew he would end up disapointing him. Or, he could say he wouldn\'t talk, and just hurt Yuki more so than he was already. Shuichi shook his head, let go of Yuki, and ran to the bathroom. Yuki ran after him, but got a door slammed in his face.

\"What the hell are you doing?!\" Yuki yelled, pounding on the door. In truth, he was hoping it was nothing, that Shuichi was trying to get away from him. But he knew that wasn\'t the answer.

Shuichi was pressed up against the bathroom wall, trying to catch his breath. He really didn\'t know what he was doing. He knew Yuki had gotten rid of all the razors in the bathroom, so he couldn\'t possibly cut. He heard Yuki banging on the door, yelling at him to open it. He didn\'t. Shuichi scrambled around the cabinets, trying to find something, anything. When he pulled out a pair of nail clippers, he tried to catch his breath again. He swung it open, and began scratching at his arm. Blood began to drip down his arm, and Shuichi got the same feeling of relief he used to get. \"Go away Yuki!!\" he screamed.

\"Let me in!\"

\"No!\"

There was an odd silence, and then the door flew open, with one angry Yuki standing in the doorway, Shuichi scrambled around, trying to throw the nail clippers away and cover his arm. He was on his knees when Yuki grabbed him and held on tight. Shuichi didn\'t even bother to stuggle-he knew he wouldn\'t win. Yuki slowly lowered both of them on the floor, as he covered Shuichi\'s body with his own. Yuki pulled Shuichi\'s arms out, and saw the abnormally large gash on his arm. Yuki spotted the nail clippers, and grabbed them. Looking at Shuichi, he exhaled quite loudly. He looked at the nail clippers, which had blood on it. Shuichi kept on glancing around, not knowing what Yuki was going to do. With a deep breath, Yuki threw the nail clippers in the garbage, and looked down at Shuichi. He was turning white, obviously from blood loss. His breathing was steady though. Yuki got up quickly, got a cloth, and put pressure on Shuichi\'s wound. Shuichi sucked in some air, turned his head, and closed his eyes. He heard Yuki sigh, and felt him rest his head on his chest.

\"What the hell was that for? Are you trying to break my heart?\" Yuki whispered, kissing Shuichi\'s bare chest.

Shuichi began sobbing. \"No! No no no...no I\'d never...\"

\"Then why did you just do that? Hmm?\" Yuki continued to kiss Shuichi, his tears spilling onto his chest. He saw Shuichi try to get up, but Yuki continued to pin him down.

\"Yuki I just...it felt...it felt good okay?\"

Yuki looked at Shuichi. \"It felt good?\"

\"Yeah...I like the feeling...it makes me...feel...relieved...like I don\'t have to worry about anything anymore. I like it. A lot.\" Shuichi closed his eyes again, and tried to climb out from beneath Yuki. This time, he was able to, and Yuki slid off of him. Shuichi huddled in a corner, while Yuki sat beside him.

\"I...\" Shuichi tried to explain, but he couldn\'t seem to form words. Yuki seemed to understand, as he got up to get some gauze for the wound. Shuichi stood up as well, as he let Yuki tend to his arm.

\"Don\'t let this happen again,\" Yuki said in a hoarse voice. Shuichi nodded, as he hugged his lover. He wanted to reassure Yuki, but he knew he would only be repeating the same things he had been saying for the past little while. Instead, he kissed Yuki\'s cheek, kissing away the tears.