Random Parodies

It had gotten late, and Haley had given up struggling and was asleep in an awkward position in the couch cushions. And Maddie, after having had her fun, decided on another devious plot. She snuck up behind Haley’s resting spot and grabbed her shoulders, shaking her violently. Haley kept sleeping, unfazed by the tremors. She started mumbling “Mmm, Birdyman, sticks, geese…….kinky…..” “God damn it Haley, stop having wet dreams about Katan!” Katan happens to overhear that. “Eeeew……wait, geese? Oh god, I feel so violated…” “So what, you’re hanging around us.” Maddie stated simply. “Good point.” “Yeah, just ask my friends, I always make good points.” “You have friends?” “Yes, shut up, of course I don’t sit around on my ass all day reading sexy fanfics about you getting raped by other guys-I mean….um…working in my….garden. Yeah. And Allison doesn‘t like to hear about my sick fetishes-I mean, my garden work.” Suddenly, Allison appeared. “Leave me out of this” She said before randomly disappearing again. “Whoa, you really do have friends.” “Yes, now shut up before I sick Haley on you again with the tongs” “Oh god, not the tongs!” By hearing the word “tongs,” Haley awakens with a start, and wiggles around in her cushion prison. Maddie sighs and says while pulling Haley out, “Haley, get your fat ass out of the couch!”

“Whhaaaaat?” She groans. “I was dreaming about sexy Birdymaaaan!” “Yeah, we heard. Now come on, we need to go draw mean things on Rosiel’s face.” She pulls a red permanent marker out of her pocket. “With this red permanent marker.” (A/N I copy and pasted the “red permanent marker” thing. Ah, so much effort saved) “Come on, Katan, you know you want to. Don’t you want to get him back for molesting you all those times?” “Well…yeah….”

So we all sneak into Rosiel’s room, where we find Rosiel snoring like a dying giraffe. (A/N We don’t know how a dying giraffe sounds, but we’re assuming it sounds like Rosiel. If you have any audio feed of one, please send it to us) We crowd around him to see him sprawled out on the bed with a face mask on, mouth open and snoring (as we said before) like a dying giraffe. “Wow, sounds like Animal Planet had a train wreck in here” Katan exclaims, looking a bit surprised. “You slept with him before, didn’t you?” Maddie asked. “And you had lots of gay sex, right!” Haley asked excitedly. Katan just glared at Haley before responding to Maddie’s question. “ Yeah, but I was never awake to hear it, and to answer Haley’s question, it was forced.” Warning for implied rape. Mmmm…kinky…..

Suddenly, Rosiel stopped snoring his horrific dying giraffe call and mumbled, “Mmm, Katan, sticks, geese…….kinky….” (A/N See, I copy and pasted that from Haley’s saying before! So much more effort saved. Though I just wasted it writing this note.) “What is this obsession with me, sticks, and geese? I’m so confused! He doesn’t need a stick!” “Maybe he was insecure with his own size, so he wanted to include sticks.” Maddie pointed out. “Ow!” He winced. “Ooo, sexy!” Haley squealed. “How does he sleep through that?” Katan asked. “Whatever, lets just start drawing.” Maddie continues cautiously closer (A/N Tongue twister! Sweeet.) holding her marker high above her head, as if she was about to stab him with a knife. “Oh, come on, stop being so dramatic and start drawing.” Haley said, rolling her eyes. Somehow she had managed to cling back to Katan again, wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. “Mmm, you smell nice” she said, snuggling closer. (If its possible) “Haley, stop straddling him and help me draw!” “Yeah, get this thing off me” He said, staring down in disgust. “Come on Haley, I have a lemonade popsicle!” Maddie called, patting her knees as if calling a dog. Haley perked up and zipped over to Maddie. She grabs it and licks it cheerfully. “Mmm, lemony….” “Yeah, you know what she’s going to do with that” Maddie said, laughing slightly. Katan puts his hands over his ass and backs into a corner. “Ok guys, if we don’t put our differences and strange sexual fetishes to the side, we’ll never get this done.” So once again, they crowd around and Maddie actually starts to draw. She draws a French pirate goatee and mustache, and draws an arrow to his mouth that says “ Filthy cum receptacle”. Then they all join in, drawing random things and snickering. And then, for the final touches, Maddie pulls out the scissors and green hair gel. (Can you guess where this is going?) Rosiel suddenly squirmed and started to wake up. They all back up, snickering.

Rosiel stumbles out of bed sleepily and staggers into the bathroom. An ear splitting scream is heard. Seeing “Incest is good” on his forehead, “filthy cum receptacle” by his mouth, “smelly” on his cheek, and “I heart hentai” on the other cheek, and noticing his new spiky green Mohawk made him freak out even more. He stomps out and glares daggers at them, which happen to go the opposite direction. “You have really bad aim.” Maddie said casually. “That is not the point!” Rosiel cried, fuming. “Look what you did to my beautiful face! Who is responsible for this?” They all hide markers behind their backs. “Katan, you were included in this too?” “Well, yeah, it was pretty fun……revenge….” (Hey, we put major OC on the summary) “They’ve corrupted you, my dear Katan!” “Actually, you corrupted him first, you’re the one who kept anally raping him. Well, we do too, but you did it first. And we use sticks.” Maddie says, pointing out the obvious. “Well, first come first serve. Sloppy seconds for you!” Rosiel said haughtily. “And what am I going to do about my face?” “Dump nail polish remover on your face, it’ll get it off.” “Ok!” Rosiel says, bounding into the bathroom to get some. “Figures. The highest angel is the biggest cross dresser the world has ever seen. And the stupidest.” A few seconds later, Rosiel runs out screaming. “AHHHHH! I got it in my eyes!” He starts rolling on the floor in agony. “I can’t believe he fell for the nail polish thing.” Maddie says laughing. “Let’s kick him!” Haley squeals excitedly. Maddie nods and they begin to kick Rosiel repeatedly. “Katan, help me!” Rosiel wailed. “I’m just gonna stay out of this…this is bad karma.” He said, backing out. “I think we should go to therapy.” Maddie says, observing the strange scene. "But, before we do that..." Maddie walks over toward Haley and puts her in a really big garbage can and puts something heavy on it so she cant get out. "Hey, it smells bad in here, hello? Hellooooooooooooo?"

Dun dun duuuunnnn! To be continued….

We hadn’t written a story for so long, and we had so many ideas to sort through. We are going to try and write the next one soon. Now we are going to go work on our Katan shrine in Maddie’s closet. Bye! Maddie: And Mom wants me to help her reenact Saw, I can do the voice really well and I have a tape recorder. My mom is cool!