Illusions of Life

Disclaimer: Gravitation and these characters do not belong to me, nor do I make any money from them.

EiriXShu

NC17 but not until chapter 10 (sorry.)

If you have time, please review.

Illusions of Life


Chapter 8
Ballroom Blitz

Oh, it’s been getting so hard,
Livin’ with the things you do to me
Oh, my dreams are getting so strange,
I’d like to tell you everything I see.
Oh, I see a man at the back, as a matter of fact,
His eyes are as red as the sun!
And the girl in the corner, let no one ignore her,
‘Cause she thinks she’s the passionate one!

Oh, yeah! It was like lightening, everybody was frightening.
And the music was soothing, and they all starting grooving.

And the man at the back said “everyone attack”
And it turned into a ballroom blitz.
And the girl in the corner said
“Boy I wanna warn ya, it’ll turn into a ballroom blitz.”
Yeah, it’s a ballroom blitz!!

By the time we were back in the limo, I was completely flying. Shuichi immediately reached for the controls for the CD player and immersed us in the latest techno pop music.

As I sat in the limo and watched the city lights whirl past me, I remembered why I liked ecstasy. I was feeling great; the world was a great place to be. But lurking in the disabled rational part of my brain, I also remembered why I hated it. I couldn’t keep up my surly demeanor. At this moment in time, I felt giddy, like a schoolgirl on her first date.

Deep inside, I was very embarrassed.

I have always found drugs to be a curious experience. Full of promise and beauty, until the next day anyway, when there was always a price to be paid. For me, payment usually came in one of two forms. Either I lost entire days of my life or; I got into situations that regretted later on. I was sure this night would fall into the latter of those two categories.

I was about to make an ass of myself on the dance floor for many hours. My foot was tapping along with the rhythm of the song playing in the limo. Yeah. Many hours. I looked at Shuichi, his eyes were closed and he was singing along with the song. Well, at least I would get to touch him while I was making a fool out of myself.

He opened his eyes and watched me for a few moments finally shaking his head.

“What?” I asked him.

Sliding next to me and pressing his leg into mine he said, “Don’t be nervous, Eiri. It’ll be fine.”

“Huh. Easy for you to say. You don’t mind looking like an idiot.” Ah, so the surliness was not completely gone from me. That was comforting.

He grinned at me, “No one will be watching anyone. Trust me.”

“I’ll be watching you…” I blurted out, surliness gone as quickly as it came. Stupid drugs.

He leaned closer to me and placed his hand on my thigh, “I hope so.”

I grabbed his hand, stopping it from moving any further up my leg. “Don’t.” I said warningly. “Play. With. Fire.”

“Oh, but Eiri,” he purred at me, “I want to.”

I pushed him away from me, “You are such a fucking brat.” I would have been much more convincing if I hadn’t been laughing.

He was laughing with me, “I’m glad you are here, Eiri.”

“Why?”

His eyes were shining with mischief again. He brushed my hair away from my eyes and said, “Because, I can’t wait to go home with you when the night is over.”

My mouth was very dry and I licked my lips, “We could always ...skip ahead.”

He laughed, “No, not yet. Not yet. You still owe me a few dances.”

Yeah. I was about to make a total ass out of myself. I looked at Shuichi again. But if I could get some of that at the end of the night well, let’s face it, I’d do just about anything.

Shuichi led me by the hand through the crowd with practiced ease. Once again we flew past the burly bouncers and squealing fan girls (and some boys.) Cameras were flashing and I wondered briefly how Touma would react to this headline in the entertainment rags tomorrow.

The club was gigantic and alive with sound, sight and movement. I found I very much wanted to join in with writhing mass I was faced with. Shuichi however, led me up a flight of stairs to a quieter mezzanine bar area that seemed to be off limits to many of the current club inhabitants.

Once we were in the bar and could hear each other again, he turned to me and smiled, “How are you holding up?”

“Good,” I smiled back. Might as well go with it if you can’t fight it.

“Let’s take a few and get used to what’s going on.”

I smiled again, “Thanks for worrying about me, but I am a big boy.”

Scoffing he said, “Yeah, I know. But I did kind of twist your arm. I feel kind of bad about that.”

“Really?” I asked as we sat down at a dark corner with a partial view of the dance floor below us. He moved extra close to me, our legs and shoulders pressed together tightly.

He raised two fingers to a waitress that cooed at us as she walked by. “Yes. I know you hate being here. You just agreed because you are… I don’t know what you are right now.”

“How can that be?” I asked him, feeling the truth-telling side effects of mind altering drugs. “I agreed to come with you. Agreed to wear these clothes. All because I want to be part of your life and I don’t know how else to prove it to you.”

He hesitated a moment before saying, “Remember, earlier you told me that I was different?”

I nodded.

“Well, you are different, too. Maybe more so.” He searched for words, “It’s weird. I don’t know what to expect from you.”

The waitress returned with two beers and set them in front of us. I thought about what he had just said to me, and I couldn’t help but answer; “So…do you like it?”

Grinning at me, he said, “How you are now? I don’t know. That’s why we are on this date, isn’t it?”

I held up my beer bottle for a toast, “Absolutely.”

He clinked his bottle against mine and we shared a beautiful moment. That is, until Sakuma Ryuichi ran head long into our table.

What was wrong with this bunch of lunatics? Why did they have to continuously butt into our business?

I sighed in exasperation.

Shuichi mirrored my expression, but spoke with forced patience, “What’s up Ryu?”

“You gotta come quick!!” He was totally spazzing out. “They actually came!! K was right. It’s, it’s… oh you know ‘em. That band that you guys have been trying to hook up with!”

I spied the dreaded Nakano again. “Shu, come on,” even he seemed more excited than usual. “K wasn’t screwing around with us. They really are here. K just called a few minutes ago and he’s on his way here with Fujisaki.”

My date’s eyes lit up but then he looked at me. He smiled softly and shook his head, “Sorry, Hiro. You’ll have to handle it on your own.”

Nakano looked at me in exasperation, “But, Shu!! We’ve been trying to hook up with these guys for almost a year! They are here, RIGHT here, RIGHT now! You know you want this deal as much as I do, so come on!”

Shuichi rolled his head back in frustration then looked his friend in the eyes, “Yes. I want the deal. But there is something else I want more.”

Me. He was talking about me. My heart soared, but I kept myself still. “Look, its okay.” I said. I could be even better for him. I could be. “I’ll just hang out here and wait. It’s okay.”

“You,” he looked at Nakano and then back to me, “you could come with us.”

I thought about that. Angry Nakano, Psychotic Manager, Whiner Fujisaki and Insane Sakuma all in one room? I shook my head, “No that’s all right. I’d just get in the way. I’ll wait here.”

He didn’t move. “Go. I promise I’ll still be here.” I glared at Nakano, “It looks like it’s a big deal to you guys.”

Inhaling sharply he stared into my eyes, “You promise?” I could see the fear that lurked deep inside of him.

“No more running. I promise.” I smiled. Stupid drugs.

He leaned over and kissed me soundly, “I’ll try not to take too long.”

I waved him away. The three of them trotted off to yet another room.

Alone in a dance club. I almost laughed aloud at the irony of the whole thing. I slammed my beer, ordered a second and wandered to the railing to look out over the massive writhing crowd below me. Across the hall I could see yet another mezzanine that looked like it opened onto a large balcony. This place was almost magical; there were so many rooms within rooms.

I watched and smoked through several songs and found, much to my amazement, that I really wanted to be in the crowd.

Strange.

After about twenty minutes of waiting I was joined at the railing by a tall attractive, young man. He smiled at me and said, “I saw you with Shindou-san earlier.”

Staring at him I nodded.

“So,” his voice gained a little venom, “you must be his latest conquest.”

My stare turned into a glare.

He sipped his drink and smirked at me, “Well, I wouldn’t get comfortable with him if I were you. He’ll dump you before the week is out. I guarantee it.”

“Is that what happened to you?” I said evenly.

“Yeah,” the guy looked away from me. “He’s ruthless. It’s like he’s trying to get revenge on someone. Everyone.”

I lit a cigarette. I was trying to keep my temper, my jealously and my fear all in check. Shuichi ruthless? Yeah, I could see it in him now. I couldn’t help but wonder yet again, if this night might just be the ruse I feared it to be. Would my date even give me the courtesy of dumping me, or had he already disappeared down a back stairway? My stomach twisted with my thoughts.

“Hey, Yuki-san!”

Sakuma Ryuichi. This was all I needed.

“Hey! Shuichi was worried about you being all alone so he asked me to come out and keep you company.” He grinned at me as he hopped from foot to foot.

I sighed in partial relief, my fear receding but not completely gone. At least he had sent someone to check on me.

To check on me. Maybe what Shuichi was really worried about was that I would leave. Or; that some girl of questionable morals would spot me as an easy mark. I sighed again; there was so much fear, anger and suspicion between Shuichi and me. I wondered how we would ever get past it.

So… now it appeared that The Test would include hanging out with Sakuma Ryuichi. The Sakuma Ryuichi that had, at one time been sleeping with Shuichi. I forced that visual to the back of my brain. No one said this night would be easy.

Sakuma’s eyes flickered over the man next to me and his playful demeanor disappeared, “Sato. What are YOU doing here? Spreading more of your poisonous lies? Selling your soul to the tabloids for 100 yen? If Shuichi catches sight of you…”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” he snarled at Sakuma. “You’re just like him, Sakuma. You use people and toss them away.”

Sakuma smiled and it wasn’t a pretty one, “Yeah? Well, we only throw away the disposable kind.” He moved to the table that I had recently vacated. “Oh, by the way, Sato, K is here and I’m very sure he would love to see you again.”

Sato moved quickly for the stairs.

Wow. I was impressed. The disposable kind. Huh. That was pretty good. I sat down at the table with him.

I have to admit that I have never been comfortable around Sakuma Ryuichi. He’s just so… freaky. Part of the time he’s a blithering idiot, irritating everyone around him with baby talk and that stupid stuffed bunny he carries with him. But other times, he is like the evil genius from old black and white horror films. The guy that wants your brain from some dark and unspeakable purpose. Probably the most unsettling thing I found about the freak show sitting at the table with me, was his ability to move from personality to personality in the blink of an eye.

So here we were, two mental cases attempting to relate to one another.

Clearing my throat I asked, “So, what was that all about?”

He was still in full evil genius mode as he chided, “Oh, come on, Yuki-san. You have fan girls or groupies that follow you around. You know the score.”

Disposable. Yeah, I did know the score. I wondered fleetingly, if my brother fell into that category.

He narrowed his eyes at me, “You’re not buying into something a disgruntled groupie said, are you?”

“No. I guess not.” I sipped my beer and looked him squarely in the eyes, “But what does someone who’s not a disgruntled fan say?”

Crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair he studied me for a few moments. Finally he said, “When you disappeared from Shuichi’s life you took an important chunk of him with you. He got lost. I thought I could help him… find his way back. In reality, all I did was take advantage of him when his guard was down.”

“So,” I said my words carefully, dodging the anger I was feeling, “you used his hero worship to get him in the sack?”

He leaned forward so his elbows were on the table and he met my glare, “Yes. I used his hero worship to get him in the sack.” He sighed, “It was okay for a while, but then he realized what I had done…”

He was quiet for a moment before speaking again, “Don’t get me wrong, Yuki-san. I really did want to be with him. I wanted it to be so much more… I didn’t realize or take into consideration how messed up he was. In hindsight, I would have had a better chance with him if I hadn’t stepped over that friendship line. He has ever right to be pissed off at me.”

I’d heard the story before but I was surprised by Sakuma’s acceptance of Shuichi’s anger and I said as much to him.

Shrugging his shoulders he said, “It was my choice. I knew he was still in love with you. It was hopeless from the start.”

“Then why?”

“Because,” he jumped up and twirled once and leaned over so that he had hand on either arm of my chair. He was very close to me and he whispered, “I believe in magic.”

What a freak.

He was still very close to me, “Have you told him how you feel?”

I met his brown eyed stared and said “Yeah. Sort of.”

He began twirling again as he did so, said in perfect English:

“When the sands are all dry he is as gay as a lark,
And will talk in contemptuous tones of the Shark:
But, when the tide rises and sharks are all around,
His voice has a timid and tremulous sound.”

“Huh,” I grunted at him. He was taunting me with Lewis Carroll’s “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland.” It figured.

“Come on, Yuki-san,” he smiled brightly at me as he staggered around for a moment with dizziness, “let’s go look at the dancers.”

I considered my options. I didn’t really want to go too far from Shuichi, but I really wanted to move around. Also, I didn’t want to talk to Sakuma anymore, he was starting to freak me out. I drained my beer and motioned for the nut bar to lead the way. He grinned and darted for the stairs to the floor.

Ah, the floor. Bodies moving, lights flashing and sound pulsing. Under normal circumstances I would despise the experience, but this wasn’t normal circumstances. I was fascinated and drawn to the living mass on the floor.

Ryuichi leaned forward on his toes and shouted in my ear, “I think we should dance!”

The disabled functional part of my brain tried to shout out a warning that I might be making a mistake. But the message didn’t make it through to the part of my brain that was currently in control.

I watched Ryuichi melt into the crowd ahead of me and I lost sight of him almost immediately. I didn’t care. I followed his general direction into the mass of dancers. I watched as I made my way slowly through the people and I noticed that no one was paying much attention to anyone else. For the most part anyway.

I stopped walking and began to sway with the sound. I wasn’t really dancing, just moving with the pulsing beat, relaxing and feeling the crowd breathing around me. I watched curiously as two very scantily clad women moved past me with the rhythm of the music. As they moved they reached out and touched my hair, my face and my arms. It was exotic and surreal but I did not respond to them. I felt detached from my body, as if I was observing myself from afar.

The music changed to a more sensual, throbbing beat. Many of the people around me had closed their eyes and seemed like a good idea to me. I let the other “dancers” jostle and flow around me, some light feather touches came and went but there was nothing invasive. I felt safe. I felt as though I was floating.

Hands touched me again only this time the touch was more insistent, more personal. An arm slid around my waist and a hand pressed against my hip, gently guiding me to the beat of the music. I was completely soothed and relaxed and I smiled softly and whispered, “Shuichi…” I buried my nose in his hair and sniffed.

Wait… that wasn’t strawberries. Was that sandalwood? I opened my eyes and stared into chocolate brown. I shook my head trying to clear my vision. Still brown.

Sakuma Ryuichi.

He grabbed my head and kissed me, thrusting his tongue deep inside my mouth.

I pushed him away forcefully but the crowd was too close and he bounced harmlessly off several layer of dancers before he finally fell, almost in slow motion, to the floor.

He was laughing when he started to stand.

A hand clamped around his shirt and my brown-eyed assailant was yanked to his feet. Shuichi had his right fist cocked and was ready to let fly. If Nakano hadn’t been holding onto Shuichi’s arm, I’m sure someone would have had to carry Sakuma off the dance floor. Nakano and Shuichi were shouting who knows what at each other and Sakuma was laughing like the madman he is. I stood rooted to the floor, horrified by what I had just let happen.

Shuichi gave Sakuma a push as he wrenched his arm away from Nakano. He gave me a look that could have frozen hell, turned on his heel and stomped away.

Sakuma was still laughing but he winked at me before following Shuichi.

Nakano gave me the “Don’t touch my boyfriend” glare and joined the retreat.

I processed what had just happened. I had failed The Test.

As I staggered towards the nearest exit, I was filled with sudden and overwhelming despair. I wanted to be destroyed and for this life to be over. No, that’s not right. What I really wanted was for the pain in my heart to stop.

I stepped out into the night, away from the horror of what just happened. I nearly knocked Touma down in my haste to be away.

“Eiri?” he shouted after me as he raced to catch up with me.

He grabbed my arm and I stopped, “Eiri, what are you doing?”

“I’m…” I had to swallow the lump in my throat before I could continue. “I’m…failing the test of my life. I’m fucking up my life.”

I turned and walked into the night. Away from Shuichi. Away from happiness. Away from pain.


TBC


Ballroom Blitz – Sweet (Chapman/Chinn)