Unchained Memories *complete*

Author: JadeHeart
Fandom: Gravitation
Warnings: Implied violence, deprivation of liberty, implied rape and torture.
Summary: The last days of Nittle Grasper after the New York incident with Kitazawa; Ryuichi dark past that changed him forever and the introduction of Kumagoro into his life; and the bonds that tie Tohma and Jim Harris together. (Side story to ‘The Key to My Heart’)
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this, apart from Jim Harris; the rest belong to the creator of ‘Gravitation’.


Unchained Memories: Chapter 8


Dark. It was dark. Very dark.

The darkness pressed in around him, wrapping around his body like a smothering blanket, tangling his limbs, tying him down, engulfing him.

It was so very dark.

And silent.

A silence that was deafening in its absence of sound; a silence that dulled the senses and cut him off from everything, as though he was no longer even a part of this silent world.

It was dark and silent – two things that Ryuichi hated the most.

He hated the dark. It was frightening, terrifying, stealing away the brightness of the light. It made him feel as though he had lost his way; that he no longer had a clear path to see, the shining star that he followed to his destiny swallowed by the blackness leaving him abandoned. The darkness was his enemy.

And silence - he had never liked too much silence. Silence was the absence of sound, of all sound, of every tone, note, hum or resonance. Ryuichi lived for sound; he always found something to listen to, music was created in his mind by everything that surrounded him, filling his senses with rhythm, every cadence strumming through his body from head to toe. Sound was his soul, but now it felt like it was being buried under this weight of silence.

He hated the darkness and the silence.

He shifted, arms and legs stretching to prevent cramping, and heard the wrinkle of plastic under one limb. He reached out blindly with his hands, unable to see at all, and his questing fingers found the plastic bag. A smile stretched his taut face, forcing muscles that had had little reason lately to create such a facial expression to respond. It was a smile that came without conscious thought as his hands finally felt the soft plushness within the interior of the cold plastic.

He pulled the bag towards him, crushing it to his chest, feeling a wave of relief wash over him. He had thought he had lost it. Although he couldn’t see anything in the inky blackness he knew only too well what he held. He could picture it clearly in his mind, the memory of when he had first seen it the only way he envision how it looked.

He fixed on that picture and held it firmly in his mind, clinging to it like a life-line, a link to a time long past. A soft, rounded felt body, two long floppy ears, bright button eyes and an expression that seemed to smile at him. It was a happy looking creature, which is what had immediately drawn him to it in the first place. Some plush toys looked like they were angry, frowning or glaring at their prospective owners. Ryuichi never liked those.

This one hadn’t been like that. It had seemed to look back at you with an intelligence that seemed quite real, as though it already knew what you were thinking and wanted to share those times with you. That was why he had wanted to buy it. It had seemed like something you could keep by your side for a long time to come.

“Don’t worry,” he whispered into the darkness, even that soft sound sounding alarmingly loud as it shattered the silence. He hugged the toy closer as his nerves jangled and fear rushed through him. He was terrified that he would be heard, that the sound would bring down the pain, the horror and the humiliation. Sound could bring back the demon.

He held his breath for a long moment, listening hard, shaking as the fear threatened to overwhelm him. When he heard nothing he let the breath out shakily, still fearful, but it would appear that he was still alone. He had been left alone now for a while.

He turned his attention back once more to his unseen companion. “Don’t be afraid,” he reassured it again, keeping his voice low still as he stroked it gently. “I’m with you. It’ll be all right, you’ll see.”

He hugged the toy tighter, staring out into the darkness although the view had not changed in any way. He had been alone now for sometime, the longest he had ever been he was sure. How long he didn’t know. Long ago the demon had taken his watch with its illuminated face away leaving him with no way of knowing either the passage of time or date. He had always been in darkness, barely a sliver of light being seen by his aching eyes. Whenever there had been light his eyes had been tightly bound, keeping him away from that small hope each time.

Now he still huddled in darkness, uncertain even where he was. This was the second time he had been moved. He was sure that his original prison had been a house, or at least a building of some sort. Then, after what seemed years, he had been moved to here, a place that was colder, darker and danker. His body ached all over, not just from the unmerciful treatment of the demon but from the cold that stole his warmth, leeching the heat from his already frozen skin so he shivered constantly and couldn’t prevent his teeth from chattering. He spent his time with knees curled tight to his chest, arms wrapped around knees as he rocked, trying to hold onto the tiniest sparks of warmth within his body.

He wasn’t bound any longer. The restraints had been removed but he had no where to go. The area was still small, confining and although Ryuichi had located what appeared could have been a door of some type there had been no handle on his side, nothing for him to grab hold of in any way so perhaps he had been mistaken. So there was still no escape for he and his friend.

His stomach rumbled, hunger clawing at him frantically. He ignored it. He was used to it by now. He hadn’t seen food since this ordeal had begun. He knew that the flesh had been slowly melting away from him. He had always been lean but now, when he ran his hands down his sides he could feel his rib bones jutting out and his trousers hung loosely around his hips, only held up by his protruding hip bones. The best he had been able to do was to salve his thirst, finding water when the demon had washed him, being careful to drink unobtrusively if he could, fearful that even this small mercy would be taken from him.

When he had been moved to this new location he had gained his liquid from the damp walls that had surrounded him, small drips of condensation dribbling down the tiny fissures. It tasted revolting and at any other time would have been enough for him to throw up but in his present condition his body and mind knew that it was the only thing keeping him alive and that made it taste like heavenly nectar.

He felt like he had been teleported into some alternate universe or something just as equally bizarre. The world that he inhabited now was everything that he hated, it held every nightmare that he could ever have had, contained every aspect of life that he despised and had spent his entire life until now avoiding. The silence, the darkness, the terror, the fear, the horrors, all of it. He kept trying to see if it was just a nightmare, that he could perhaps just wake up from it but that hadn’t seemed to work.

When he had awoken in this new location, feeling sick once more from the drugs that had been pumped into his system, to find the darkness even denser than before he had even reached up with one hand to touch his face to check if his eyes were actually open or was he sitting there with them closed. When the touch of his shaking fingertips against his open quivering eyelids clearly showed they were it was even more crushing than the doubts before.

He did wonder where his demon had gone. It was completely unpredictable, oscillating between taking care of him in a strange, perverted and unnerving manner, to terrorizing him and taking him to new heights of pain and agony. He shuddered, trying to drive the memories away. He had to be careful or they could overwhelm him completely. That was what had begun to happen when he had found solace in the other company of the other captive with him.

He rubbed his cheek against the softness still held tightly in his arms. He was ever so grateful for the company and without it he knew he would not have been able to cope. He had never considered himself to be weak but now, now he knew he was and he could never have survived this long without the constant support and encouragement the other had given him during the most difficult times. He would be eternally indebted for that and had made a vow that they would always be together, no matter what.

“You just hang on,” he whispered to the creature in his arms. “We’ll get out of this. I won’t leave you behind, I promise.” He pulled it closer to his face, feeling one long floppy ear brush against his cheek. “Yes, I know it’s cold but that’s okay. We can get as warm as we need to when we get out of here.”

“What do you mean? Of course we’ll get out. Don’t you start getting negative on me now!” Ryuichi scolded, giving the toy a gentle shake. “I’ll bet Tohma is pulling New York apart looking for us! You don’t know what Tohma can get like when he’s worried about something!” He giggled then, the sound a little high pitched and close to hysteria. He gulped it back, cutting it off suddenly as he felt his control beginning to slip. He took a deep breath and spoke in a more normal tone. “Now you just get some rest and I’ll keep watch.”

The ear rubbed against his cold cheek again. “Huh? You’ll keep watch? Are you sure? Aren’t you tired?” Ryuichi asked, concern colouring his voice.

“Oh, well if you’re sure. You’ll let me know if the demon comes back? Please?” Ryuichi almost pleaded, the mere thought enough to frighten him.

“Okay,” he said, sounding a little relieved, trying to make himself more comfortable, tucking the soft creature into the crook of his arm. “Thank you.”

As his tired aching eyes began to close he gave the toy one last pat and whispered warmly, “I’m glad you’re here, Kumagoro.”

His sleep wasn’t peaceful, it never was. It had become so hard for him to discern sleep from waking. He couldn’t remember much of what had happened to him at times. It all seemed to be a blur, a bizarre twisted dream that had his shocked mind in such confusion that he no longer knew where reality ended and nightmare began. Perhaps the reality was the nightmare.

He remembered being out with Tohma as they had gone shopping. It had been a special event and an important one and the two of them had been just going about their own business. He remembered picking up the toy that now lay nestled in his arms, for Noriko as they had perused the shops. It had exactly been what he had intended to get for Noriko’s wedding present but it had brought a smile to his face when he had first seen it and had immediately thought that perhaps Noriko would find it funny as well.

Tohma hadn’t seemed to mind his spur of the moment purchase either, once he had explained that he was happy to add something a little more suitable to it as well, so they had just continued on their way. It probably would have been better if they had had some real idea of what they wanted to get. Tohma no doubt had had a list in his head of possibilities but Ryuichi hadn’t. He always just followed his heart at times like that.

He remembered that something had caught his eye in one of the shop windows as they had continued on their wedding present quest which had made him veer away. He couldn’t even remember what it had been now. It hadn’t been anything important really, just something that had quirked his curiousity which he could never deny and so he had left Tohma’s side to check it out. That in itself wasn’t unusual. He often would dart off to check something out before rushing back to his friend’s side to be met by Tohma’s patient smile. Tohma knew him well and was not perturbed by this behaviour in any way. Everything had been so ordinary, so normal.

As he had stood at the window, half bent over to look in past the glare on the glass, he remembered feeling someone bump against his side which was a little surprising as it hadn’t been that crowded with pedestrians. However just on its own he hadn’t taken much notice, not even when he had felt a sharp prick in his leg as though stuck with a pin that had made him jump a little. Then he had turned to demand an apology for the rudeness but the words had died as his head suddenly spun, his vision blurring. His knees began to shake, muscles quivering, before folding beneath him, dropping him towards the ground.

He had felt someone supporting him, stopping his downward slide before he could connect with the hard pavement. Tohma, he had muzzily thought, Tohma came to get me, but as he had lifted a head that now felt heavy as lead the features that blurred and swayed before his eyes were not of his best friend but a complete stranger and suddenly Ryuichi was overwhelmed by a sense of dread and intense fear. If he had had the strength or ability to scream out he would have, to call for Tohma, but all that escaped was a frightened whimper as darkness stole over him.

When he had first awoken it had been but for a brief moment. His head had felt as though it were stuffed with cotton wool, every thought difficult to form, and his eyes stung, making them water. It had been dark and he could feel something tightly wound around his head, pressing against his eyes, his body bound hand and feet.

He couldn’t move; his body unable to respond to his weak demands but he could feel movement surrounding him in the way of motion, swaying, the distant thrumming of sound and vibration through his body. As he had drifted back into darkness once more he realized that he must have been in a moving vehicle, the sounds of the tyres on the road and the hum of the engine what he had been hearing.

The next time he had awoken it was again to darkness, yet now everything was still. He had no idea of how long it had been since he had first lost consciousness, no way of knowing the passage of time. He was still restrained, hands and feet bound, something over his eyes, obstructing his view. The blindfold hadn’t cut out all sight though. Through a section of the cloth which was a little thinner than the rest he could just see a faint glimmer near what appeared to be the floor that could have been light filtering from under a door, though whether it was sunlight or false illumination he didn’t know. Either way, it heralded a chance of escape, a beacon of hope that he had to try and reach.

He had still felt very lethargic but he had made himself move, forcing stiff and protesting limbs to stretch out. As he unbent his knees his feet soon struck something solid, the jarring impact almost painful. Tapping with them it seemed like he had struck a wall but it echoed like wood where he had been expecting something more solid. He moved his head and blindly struck another solid section, hard enough to make him see stars.

Taking the dimensions into account he appeared to be confined in a small space not even long enough for him to stretch out fully. He was aware then of further discomfort. He tried to roll over, his bound arms behind his back and previous position of resting on one shoulder having numbed his left side. As he did he heard the loud wrinkle of plastic and felt a soft lumpiness under his chest. Before he could think of it any further the rush of circulation back into his numbed body was enough to make him gasp at the sudden pain and in his weakened condition he passed out once more.

He vaguely remembered coming to with a hazy mind at some time later, remembered being moved, legs dragging as he was pulled along by under his arms. He remembered his legs banging, jerking, as though he was being dragged down stairs, the uncomfortable position and every jarring impact making his head and body hurt more and his stomach roil. He remembered that descent, feeling the air as it seemed to grow colder and darker.

With the last heave that brought him back onto even ground, his abused and drugged body could not take any more and he was violently ill, throwing up with a violence that made him gag and he slipped into blackness wondering if he was going to choke on his own vomit and die in this dark place.

Later he awoke to the feel of hands on his body and the sensation of his clothing being removed. He had weakly protested, trying to struggle feeling he was no longer restrained, but the heaviness of his limbs suggested he had been drugged once more so he found himself completely unable to fight back in any way.

The anonymous hands continued to remove his clothing in slow and deliberate motions, right down to taking off his shoes. He whimpered at the chill that struck his sweating flesh as he lay naked on the cold floor, then sighed as the touch of warm water began to bathe his face and neck. It seemed he was being cleaned up as he realized the cloying smell of vomit had begun to dissipate. The warm water was even tipped through his hair, wetting it thoroughly, and the scent of lavender filled the air briefly as fingers rubbed his scalp with gentle motions. In the warmth and comforting aroma Ryuichi couldn’t help but relax a little, feeling a little cleaner and fresher.

But then the hands left his head and began to continue over his body, no longer cleaning, drifting over lower potions; down his chest, over his feet, up his legs, across his crotch. He whimpered again, this time in true fear, tensing up, trying to pull away and again unable to make his body work to his will.

He felt his last bit of clothing, his briefs, removed, sliding down his legs, and then the hands were back, touching, stroking, caressing. Ryuichi continued to whimper which soon turned to quiet sobs yet still the hands never ceased their touching.

Tears leaked from his bound eyes, sliding from the corners and slipping into his damp hair. It was not that he was unused to being touched so intimately. He was no virgin and even the fact that he could tell that the hands were male wasn’t what upset him. He had realized long ago that his sexuality was more than a little ambiguous and it depended more on the pleasure and interest, than gender.

No, it was not because of these things he cried. It was because these anonymous hands were taking from him something that, until now, had only been freely given. Ryuichi wasn’t really that promiscuous. For all his blatant flirting he was still rather choosy and reasonably discreet. Being in the public eye as Nittle Grasper ensured that he was, and he had had no intention of damaging things for Noriko and Tohma just to satisfy his own primal urges. He had been more than aware that he couldn’t afford to alienate the public with any behaviour that was considered to be too socially unacceptable, not when they were working so hard to be successful. That hadn’t meant that he had been chaste either, but he had leant how to ensure that the public wasn’t quite so aware of it.

So he was no stranger to physical intimacy, no stranger to the joys of the flesh but it had always been by his choice and at his time. Now…now it was being taken from him.

The hands continued to tug and stroke, and unwillingly he felt his body responding. With no will of his own and no control over his physical form it was responding on a purely instinctual impulse to the stimulation. This only made him cry harder as he felt himself being brought quickly and roughly to climax.

He felt the shudder that ran though his body and the feel of hot liquid splatter across his stomach then the hands left his body. He felt relief they were gone, glad they had left him alone. His mind began to retreat into darkness again, seeking that small solace. As he felt himself drifting away, his mind fogging, he heart in the distance a faint clicking sound but had no time to determine what it was as he fully lost consciousness.

Again he didn’t know how long he had remained unconscious, it could have been seconds, minutes, hours, days. When next he awoke he felt far more normal, his mind wasn’t as foggy as the drugs slowly burnt out of his system. Now he could feel his body with all the aches and bruises that it had, from his ankles, knees and legs in general, to what appeared to be pulled muscles around his upper chest and shoulders. He winced as he tried to move and found that he was once more clothed although whether they were his own or not, he couldn’t tell.

He was still in darkness, no light penetrating at all as he turned his head all around to try and see if there was anything he had missed. Nothing. His hands were once more bound, this time before him, at present stretched out above his head where he lay. He tugged experimentally and found they were tied to something. He slowly moved his aching legs, drawing himself onto his knees and off his side, tugging again with his hand and following the tether until he reached the joining where the chain was locked to the wall.

He spread his hands over the wall. The feel under his fingertips was that of concrete, cold and slightly clammy. He shivered realizing now that he was more than a little cold. He had previously been dressed in light weight clothing as befitted the warm day when he and Tohma had chosen to go out. It was not suitable for his cold and dank environment.

He sat there for a moment, feeling the cold seep though his buttocks and chill his still bare feet. Finally he began to move, stretching to the extent of his leash, making a semi-circle until it brought him back to the wall where he had begun on the opposite side. He had found nothing on this short exploration except once when he heard the crinkle of plastic as his hands encountered something wrapped nearby. He was almost afraid to touch it, fearful of what it might contain as his captor thus far seemed to have been intent on keeping him isolated with nothing else being left in his vicinity, but curiousity and a need to feel something made him stretch out shaking hands and draw it closer.

He ran his hands over the parcel, feeling the soft lumps protruding through the plastic and searched until he found the opening, reaching in and pulling out what lay inside. It was soft and round as his fingers traced the outline – a body, a head, arms and legs. He tugged on what could only be floppy ears, a hand found the face and the cold button eyes. A smile stretched his stiff face as he continued to touch the toy. It had been Noriko’s present. For some reason it was still here with him.

He absently pulled both front paws up, bringing them together as though in a prayer position. Well, it’s just you and me, Ryuichi directed mentally to the unseen creature, arranging it so it was sitting on his knee. At least you’re lucky. You’re covered in fur and not freezing your arse off like me!

He jiggled the toy a little, wondering what to do next. He had no idea where he was, or why he was here. He tried to keep the fear at bay, hardly believing that this was even happening to him.

Tohma, he kept focusing on, hugging the toy tighter to his chest. Tohma, he called out silently. He had faith in his friend. Tohma would never let him down, he would never abandon him. If there was one thing in the world that Ryuichi believed in more firmly than anything else was his friend.

He suddenly heard a scuff in the darkness and froze. As he listened it came again and he realized he wasn’t alone at all. He peered into the darkness, trying to pierce the inky blackness and see what was beyond, what was hiding from his view, but he couldn’t. The darkness would not reveal its secrets.

The soft sound continued and he swung his head from side to side, trying to pinpoint from which direction it was coming but it was impossible. His heart was thumping painfully in his chest making his ribs ache. He squeezed the toy still held in his hands tightly, trying to take comfort from its meager softness, trying to cling to this small and only contact with his life before. He had no where to run, could not run. He was trapped.

The panic continued to rise. He hadn’t ever really been afraid of anything before, always he had believed he could do anything and would charge headlong into things where more prudent minds, such as Tohma, would hesitate. But he had never been concerned about that, never feared the unknown. He was used to seeing fear from others, sometimes directed at him with his head strong behaviour, but that had never bothered him either.

But now – now he felt fear; cloying, stinking, strangling fear, that squeezed the breath from his lungs and choked him, making his body quake and sweat, yet chilling him to the bone.

His inability to see his captor or his surroundings, his weakness in being unable to identify where that person might be, worrying that they could be close, even behind him and he could not tell - this weakness almost paralyzed him. Never had he felt himself have so little control over his life and his own person. His captor was stripping away his defenses, stripping away his strength and leaving him with nothing, completely powerless. Ryuichi had never experienced that before.

Fearfully he scrabbled backwards following the chain until he felt the damp, cold wall pressing against his spine, ears still straining to hear the sounds in the darkness. Was that breathing he could hear? Was that the sound of a footstep? He squeezed tighter to the toy, struggling to hold onto something stable.

A feeling of displacement of air near his face made him frantically swat at it with his hands but his flailing arms met no resistance. Had he jus imagine it that something had come close? The sweat was chilling on his face. He scrubbed his sweaty palms against the soft toy in his hands, refusing to let go. The darkness pressed down on him, wrapping around, servant to the master who held him prisoner.

Suddenly he felt one ankle grabbed. With a yell he kicked out with his other foot, feeling it connect solidly for a moment before it too was captured and held and then he screamed out again as he felt the prick of a needle entering his flesh. Almost immediately his struggles weakened, lethargy griping his limbs although his eyes did not close nor did he lose consciousness this time, for which he would later curse all the gods for taking away that merciful blessing.

For it was then that his nightmare truly began.

*****************

Tohma breathed in deeply, raising his hands slowly in concert with the slow inhalation. He held it for a moment, eyes closed and inwardly focused. He cleared his mind, letting all thoughts evaporate, concentrating only on the feel of his own body.

Slowly he released his breath, exhaling in a steady, even flow, slowly lowering his hands at the same time until they had retuned to the position by his side. He did this four more times, never hurrying, never letting his concentration waver, maintaining his focus. The feel of the crispness of the early morning air on his face did not distract him. Instead he took it into himself until it simply became part of him and he was a part of the world around him.

He maintained this sense of unity when he opened his eyes and stepped forward with a measured and controlled step, placing the foot precisely, arms and body flowing smoothly into position, every motion, every action, his mind and body in perfect concert.

He continued the long familiar pattern, a pattern that he had been doing all his life, a pattern that stretched back through hundreds of years, thousands, simply in slightly different forms. He was one with this pattern, letting it move him where it was required, move through him, not controlling him but in the way a friend or lover would hold your hand and step in time with you in perfect harmony.

Tohma had no sense of time, time meant nothing in the pattern. The pattern was all there was. It would begin and end when it would end, time was nothing more than a constraint of the human making and this pattern could not be bound by such shackles.

His mind remained clear, crystallizing into a clarity that was almost uncanny. He could hear all the sounds around him; the not so distant hum of traffic, the sound of doors slamming, the sounds of people, the bird calls, the sound of water, the distant squeak of bicycles. All these sounds from his surroundings flowed through him as his body moved, never disrupting but taken in and becoming one with him.

As he continued the slow steady movements his breathing remained steady as well, perfectly matching each other. His eyes saw the world around him but none of it was disturbing. He continued on and as he finally came to the end he returned to his original position.

Slowly he raised his hands as he inhaled, holding it, closing his eyes, letting everything flow through and out of him, then slowly lowered his hands as he exhaled once more. A second time, and when he returned his hands to their position he opened his eyes, and for a moment just stood there.

Now he let himself become far more focused on his surroundings and to the purely physical aspects that were around him, stepping back from the meta-physical world he had only just recently occupied. He could see the cyclists and walkers on the paths, saw the water birds on the lake, could see the buildings edging the park stretching to the sky. He also could sense the presence of someone behind him, knew they had arrived at some point during the pattern but had dismissed them at the time until it was necessary to deal with them. Now he took another deep breath, not the measured inhalation of before but just an ordinary deep breath, smelling the freshness of the morning air.

“Do you do this everyday?” the person behind him spoke.

Tohma turned and walked a couple of steps to pick up a small hand towel from where it lay over his sports bag. He wiped his face quickly before answering. “Where I can,” he said, looking at the man for the first time. “Have you found out anything?”

Jim leant against the tree, not bothering to move. “Come on,” he just said, pushing away. “I’ll shout you breakfast.” Tohma didn’t bother pressing him further, just picked up his bag and followed.

They sat in a small café just on the outskirts of Central Park. Jim picked up his coffee and took a deep long gulp. Tohma could see the dark circles under his eyes, and the slight greyness of his skin which indicated a severe lack of sleep.

“When was the last time you slept?” he asked, sipping his own.

Jim shrugged, “I managed to grab a bit at the office last night.”

“Kerryn wouldn’t be too happy with that surely?” Tohma queried. “I’m sure she would be much happier if you were home.”

Jim grimaced and rubbed a hand over his blood-shot eyes. “No, she’s not particularly happy with me at the moment but she does understand.” A small twinkle of faint amusement touched his eyes. “She’s pretty worried about Ryuichi too, you know. Remember, she’s a big fan of Nittle Grasper. After that concert and party it was all she could talk about for days!”

“I’m glad she liked it,” Tohma said with a smile. He had liked Jim’s fiancée and had had the chance to meet her briefly twice since the after tour party she and Jim had attended.

“Huh!” Jim snorted. “Liked it? She was the envy of all her friends so much they were just about spitting chips!” He mock shuddered. “It’s scary being around a bunch of females in that state – real scary!” Tohma just smiled.

“Anyway,” Jim continued. “I don’t really mind, it’s just a little surprising that’s all. Generally she’s as level-headed as they come, but where you’re concerned she just goes all ga-ga. Anyone would think she was sixteen again!”

“I’m sure she would have been a very delightful sixteen year old,” Tohma responded.

Jim waved that comment aside. “Yeah, I’m sure she was too, but hell! When she gets a bee in her bonnet there’s no stopping her!”

“Like what?” Tohma was more than a little curious.

“Well, I’ve had to let her put up that damn poster you signed on the wardrobe door in the bedroom.” Jim complained.

“That seems pretty tame.” Tohma said, wondering why Jim would be making such a fuss about something so innocent.

“Only because I refused point blank to sleep in the room if she put it on the ceiling like she said she was going to do at first!”

Tohma chuckled, not knowing if Jim was really serious or not but enjoying the humour anyway. He was quite sure that Jim would be rather unnerved with having both he and Ryuichi starting down at him all night! “Iif that is all you have to contend with I think you can count yourself lucky.” he said, smiling.

Jim groaned then. “But it’s not just that! She wants me to grow my hair out longer like Ryuichi! She reckons it would look good on me.”

Tohma eyed the man before him, making note of his bone structure and pursed his lips. There was no way that Jim would ‘look’ like Ryuichi, but a similar hairstyle would not actually look out of place on him either. “She may be right, you know.” he said.

Jim glared back at him. “Don’t you go encouraging her!” he stated firmly. “She’s already given me the ultimatum that if I so much as end up with one bit of facial hair she’s leaving me!”

“Well, that is understandable,” Tohma said evenly. “It can be quite painful in tender areas of the body.”

Jim froze with his cup halfway to his lips, as his eyes glazed whilst looking at the attractive man before him. For all Tohma was probably more good-looking than he had any right to be, had a body men would kill for, there was still nothing effeminate about him. He was probably the only man Jim had ever met who could pull off wearing feathers, fur and gloves even and not look like he was dressed in drag.

Still, that comment just now automatically made his mind spin out of control, making him imagine Tohma squirming uncomfortably because someone, and he refused to accept that the imaginary partner’s body type resembled his own in anyway, rubbed a stubbled face over his…stomach.

He jerked his mind back from that vision and unfortunately Tohma’s partner shifted and now was Ryuichi, and with those two together his vivid imagination had Ryuichi moving a lot lower than the previous image, and Tohma no longer had an expression of discomfort but one of pure ecstasy.

“ARGH!” he blurted out, setting his cup down so hard it slopped over the sides onto the table and scrubbing both hands violently through his hair as though trying to erase what was on the inside of his skull. That is what came from being over tired. A vivid imagination might be useful at times in detective work, but most certainly not in this particular case!

He saw Tohma looking at him with an expression of mild surprise, blond head tilted slightly to one side, looking far too innocent and unconcerned and nothing like the seductive Adonis in his vision. Jim glared and pointed an accusatory finger at him across the table. “It’s all your fault!” he declared.

“And what might that be?” Tohma questioned mildly, not understanding what Jim appeared to be having a minor break-down over.

“You and that Ryuichi…..what you do on stage…..you…..” Jim was almost stuttering in frustration.

Tohma appeared puzzled for a moment longer and then his eyes crinkled with laugher and a low chuckle escaped him as he guessed just what his new friend may have been thinking and he couldn’t resist the impulse to tease him further. “Oh, so I gather your issue with facial hair didn’t conjure up a lady’s difficulties?”

The smarmy bastard, Jim fumed. He was actually smirking at his discomfort. How could he answer that question – that would be admitting that that was exactly the case and he would die before that happens!

Jim was as heterosexual as they come and had never had any doubts on that fact. He knew he personally had not interests in the ‘other side’, but he had to admit that Tohma and Ryuichi looked damn hot together - as long as that togetherness was kept right away from him! He was beginning to have nightmares, no daymares! When he started borrowing Kerryn’s dresses and shoes then he’d know he was really in trouble!

He picked up his coffee and just gave Tohma an icy look which did nothing to erase the smug expression. Fuck him, Jim silently snarled.

“Anyway,” He swiftly moved the conversation away from the dangerous direction it had been heading in. “This is what we’ve got so far.”

Tohma immediately turned serious also and leant forward, resting elbows on the table.

“We’ve been doing some checking as you know. Some evidence had been found near where we think Ryuichi was snatched. A van had been seen parked there and there had been reports of it slowly driving through that area so it seems it may have been tracking you. The plates were traced but the vehicle had been recently sold and the address given is dead end. The name appears to have been an alias as well.”

Jim took a sip of his drink and continued, “However, we did get a witness come forward, a delivery guy who got right up close to the van because it was blocking his loading bay and he gave a pretty good description of the guy.”

He heard Tohma’s intake of breath, and nodded. “Yep, it’s a guy no doubt about it. Whether he’s the same one who was writing all those weird letters we can’t say for sure but that’s neither here nor there at this time. At the moment we’re been following the lead of the direction the van took when it left that location and been tracking its movement since. It’s been spotted on some of the local road cameras so we’ve been tracing its path through them.”

“So where has it taken us?” Tohma questioned intently.

“We’ve narrowed it down and been doing some scouting work. A van matching that description and at least a partial number pate match was spotted at a small factory outlet in the docks area. We’re going to raid it tonight if all goes well.”

“Can you just do that?” Tohma queried.

“We’re fine. We’ve got due probable cause and enough surveillance to show that something’s going on there. The warrants been okayed and we’re getting the group together now.”

Jim had no hesitation in telling Tohma all this. In the last five days he had proven a staunch and close-mouthed civilian, just as concerned, if not more so, in maintaining the secrecy around his friend’s disappearance than the police were. Tohma would ensure that nothing on his part would endanger Ryuichi.

Jim was not feeling happy about the time that was ticking away, he held great fears for Ryuichi’s safety. He had seen similar cases before in his career which had not ended well, and it was at those times that he would often doubt what use was he, and what difference was he making in any of it. He knew only too well that time was their enemy. Every day longer stretched the odds against Ryuichi’s survival, every day longer may push his captor closer to the realization that he couldn’t keep Ryuichi alive. Every day longer pushed the chance that Ryuichi’s captor would grow bored with the game and choose to end it, or panic as the realization of what he had done and the enormity of it all sets in and the instinct to flee and self-preservation kicked in. In all those possibilities Ryuichi’s life expectancy decreased dramatically.

Jim felt sick to the stomach at that thought. He might think Ryuichi was pretty damn weird but he wouldn’t wish this scenario on even his worst enemy, let alone some hyperactive schizo who just acted sex-mad.

“Where is this happening precisely?” Tohma wanted to know.

Jim fixed him with a steely gaze. “No!” he said flatly. “I told you before that you are not getting into the mix of things. There’s no way you’re coming with us.”

Tohma opened his mouth to argue when Jim stood abruptly, staring down at him. “Don’t bother. I’ll let you know once it’s done,” and he stalked out.

Tohma looked after him, watching as he disappeared into the morning crowd of pedestrians beginning to fill the sidewalk. He slowly turned his half full coffee mug around, watching the liquid whirl around the curve, creating a small whirlpool that seemed to mirror his own inner turmoil. He ceased the motion and reached out to pick up his bag and collect the bill from the table.

As he paid he considered his options. Obviously Jim was not going to tell him anything more so there was no point contacting him again. He would also get nothing from any of the rest of the task force, no matter how friendly they had been since his association with them. A lot of that was due to them having teenage children who were fans of Nittle Grasper and Tohma had promised to provide appropriate mementos after the case was closed.

Still despite this pact and the willingness they had all shown in accepting him into the group, he also knew that they bowed to Jim’s authority as task leader. Jim may have been younger than many of them but they seemed to recognize his dedication and apparent expertise in co-ordinating and running this investigation. So no matter who he approached for information he knew he was unlikely receive anything more than a polite rebuttal.

He collected his change and left, walking swiftly to the subway to head back to his apartment. So if getting the information in a normal way was out he would have to take alternative means.

As he slipped his key in the lock and opened his door he sensed that he wasn’t alone. Sure enough Noriko was perched on a stool at the kitchen counter, a steaming mug of tea before her.

She turned as he entered and looked him up and down. “I was beginning to think you’d been mugged or something you took so long. I was thinking I’d have to send out a search party.” She flinched a little at her own words as they brought to mind only too clearly their present situation.

Tohma approached and slipped a comforting arm around her shoulders, squeezing gently and felt her lean into his chest for a moment. “Sorry,” he said sincerely.

She pushed away from him, standing strong again. “That’s okay. So what’s up? You’re usually home by now.”

Although Noirko had her own apartment she was more often than not at Tohma’s now, and in any case she had a key to come and go as she pleased. This arrangement suited them both during this difficult time, each taking comfort from the other’s presence, providing much needed support.

“I had breakfast with Jim.” he said, pouring a glass of tea for himself.

Noriko just raised an eyebrow. “How did he know where you were?” she asked curiously.

Tohma smiled at her. “If he wasn’t able to determine my usual morning routine I would hardly have any faith in his abilities as a detective, now would I?”

Noriko chuckled. “You’re right! It wouldn’t be too hard to figure that out, I suppose. So what did he want? Has he found something?”

She saw Tohma’s brow crease a little. “What?!” she asked sharply.

Tohma gave a small grimace and leant on the counter top. “He said they’ve got a lead, a possible location where the vehicle that appears to have been used to take Ryuichi has been seen.”

“And?” Noriko knew there must be more.

“He wouldn’t tell me where,” Tohma added.

Noriko pursed her lips and stared hard at him. “Well, you’re hardly about to let a little thing like that deter you, are you?” she said quite calmly.

Tohma smiled at her. “Not at all,”

“Good!” she said decisively. “You make certain you’re there. If Ryu’s there, he’s going to want to see you rather than a bunch of strangers!”

“He’d be glad to see you too,” Tohma put in.

“I know, but I’ve got to keep this ‘dog and pony show’ that I’ve started going.” She replied with a heavy sigh.

“How is that going?” Tohma queried. Occupied by his close involvement with Jim and the task force he had not kept up with Noriko’s part of the deception.

She sighed tiredly. “You’d never believe just how hard it is to do all this,” she complained. “The quiet wedding we had planned back home was gong to be easy, even with the huge reception we were going to hold afterwards to make up for it. But this!” She took a deep swallow of her tea, wrinkling her nose at the bitter dregs she had inadvertently swallowed. “This,” she continued as Tohma thoughtfully refilled her cup. “is downright ridiculous!”

“Are you sure you want to continue with it?” Tohma asked, concerned for her. “You can stop now and just say you’ve changed your mind and go back to just a wedding in Japan.”

“Yeah, right, and do you think there wouldn’t immediately start to be focus back on you and Ryu?” she snorted as though he was being unusually stupid. “At the moment we can say that he is closeted away working on lyrics for a song for my wedding to explain his absence. I just say that I catch up with him out of sight and so far that is holding.”

“But for how much longer?” Tohma wondered out loud.

Noriko reached over and poked him hard in the chest. “That is why you have to find him,” she said firmly. “Besides, I want him to sing at my wedding!”

Tohma caught her hand and brought it to his lips to place a light kiss on the tips. “Your wish is my command.”

“As if!” she said, snatching her hand back though her eyes gleamed with pleasure.

“So how is Tetsuya taking all this?” Tohma asked after Noriko’s soon-to-be spouse.

“Oh, he’s fine!” she replied off-handedly. “He’s happy to go along with it for however long we need to.”

The way she said it made Tohma believe that the love smitten Tetsuya Ukai would happily walk through the pits of hell if it made Noriko happy. He shook his head, still amazed by this seeming odd couple yet they still seemed so happy. He hoped that he would find himself that happy some day.

“So what’s your next step?” Noriko asked.

“I will have to go and see if I can trail Jim to where this raid is to be.” he replied

“Oooh, a stakeout! How exciting!” Noriko bubbled, clapping her hands.

Tohma matched her grin. “It does all sound a little melodramatic, doesn’t it?” he conceded.

“True,” Then Noriko sobered. “Until you remember just how serious it is.”

The sudden switch in mood darkened the atmosphere immediately. No mater how they tried to stay positive, tried not to dwell on their fears and worries, they were never far way.

“Well, I’m off!” Noriko suddenly announced, standing and heading for the door. She looked back as she opened it, her face still serious. “Be careful,” she cautioned.

Tohma treated her plea with the seriousness it deserved, replying, “I will.”

She gave a brisk nod and left.

He stood there for a moment longer and then looked at his watch. It was now midmorning and he had to think carefully about his plan of attack for the day.