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Facing the World Alone	By : Michikaru Category: +G to L > Hikaru no Go Views: 3947 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Hikaru no Go, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
Date posted:

Edited: Sure�. If you are blinded to all my spelling and grammar errors.
:D

Chapter Warnings: Angst?

Rated: R to hard R

Disclaimer: I do not own copyrights to Hikaru no Go. I just like to borrow
them now and again, make them do neat tricks, then put them back. Like
Barbie�s!

Facing
the World Alone

By: Mira Watanabe

:: Chapter Eight ::

Looking for Someone that wasn�t There

Shin looked up from the casket and gasped. Surely he must be
seeing things.

�Sai?�

Winter�s wind whirled around the burial grounds. Did death
dare stir?

Sai stood tall before him. His purple hair blowing freely in
the wind. His presence, regal. But his face was sad, mournful even, as he
looked down at corpse of Yamada Ryuu.

Shin stood up, slightly reaching for him, �S-Sai? Sai, is
that really you?�

There was a push as someone ran into him, knocking him to
the cold, winter ground.

�Oh dear. Sorry young man, plum forgot to look where I was
going. Are you okay?� The old women reached to help him up, but Shin beat her
to it. Jumping to his feet, Shin looked to where he saw Sai, only to find him
gone. Disappeared�

Yet again.

Shin looked around franticly, �Where is he?!�

The old women gave him a confused look, �Who?�

Shin pointed across the casket, �The man that was right
there!�

�I saw no man� Are you okay, child?�

�I�m fine!� Shin rush off into the crowd, looking for a man
he had not seen in four years. After three hours of desperate searching, Sai
was not found, and Shin was left alone in the silent cemetery as the last
people left the service. Shin looked around the ancient cemented towers, a
million tombstones, when a sense of D�j� vu hit him. He quickly realized how
useless it was chasing after a ghost that wasn�t there.

Imagination was a cruel beast stuck on torturing him.

He laughed a little at that, feeling a bit insane. It was
same thing his past self, Hikaru, had said.

Shin walked passed a variation of Japanese tombstones, his
pace lax. �I am Death!� Shin yelled to all the stones as he passed by, �I am
DEATH!�

He looked around with a cruel smile, �Those around me are
soon gone, for Death stops for no one!�

He looked up into the clear sky and threw his arms wide
open, �Death needs no one, Kami! �I do not need any one!��

�I prayed to Kami�
only to get no answer back� I grew angry then. Screaming to the heaves as they
ignored me,� Yamada Keiri gave a bitter laugh.

�I HATE YOU!� Shin screamed at Kami.

��I hated him� I hated him with all my might
for what he had done� I didn�t know I could hate someone that much��

�I HATE YOU!� Shin screamed at her.

Keiri sighed, �It was
then -- with that thought -- that I knew� It was not him that I hated, but
myself...�

�I HATE YOU!� Shin screamed.

�I hate myself for
being so weak� For not being able to change a thing��

�I-I HATE YOU!� he choked.

�I could not change a
thing��

�I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!� he said with renewal determination to drown the voice.

The voice changed into his younger self, his other self. The
tone mournful. �I screamed, not in fear
but in anger. I screamed for everything and nothing. I screamed at myself, for
myself, and at the world. I screamed without words because words failed me and
there were no words needed. I screamed for my helplessness and my selfishness.
I screamed for and at all the things that abandoned me. I screamed for hate and
for love. I screamed long and loud. I screamed until I couldn�t make a sound,
and yet even then� I wailed silently.�

Tears fell silently, �I�. hate�. you�� this time it was for
Sai, but his voice failed him, only coming out as a soft whisper.

Without realizing it, Shin had stopped in front of a
tombstone. The inscription, in neat Hiragana and Kanji, read �YAMADA Ryuu.�

�I hate you,� Shin mouthed a second time but there was no
sound. That did not matter. It was at himself anyway.

-()()()-

Shin woke to a killer headache and a warm body. Two things
that were very common to him. He had a vague memory of going to The Club and
getting pissed. He remembered the looks of both astonishment and concern from
Ayumi. He remembered Niki trying to stop him, only to get the shit beaten out
of. The rest was lost to the fog.

He groaned, rubbing his puffy, red rimmed eyes. He then
looked down to see Karasu sleeping comfortably. The man�s arms were hugging the
pillow to his chest, his face sniggled into it, and his legs tangled with his.
Shin fixed the blanket, moving it over his friend�s shoulder.

There were times when he wondered if it were all a dream.
That he had never seen Sai. That he had never played Go. That he had never
became pro. But it was all to real to be brought about by some childish dream.
It was too real to be fake.

Shin looked around the dark room, recognizing it as his. On
the shelf laid Sai�s fan, the paper turned yellow from age.

It was all too real to be a dream. But, sometimes, he could
not help but doubt that. It must have been that funeral that caused such
thoughts. Imagine seeing Sai at his teacher�s funeral. It was impossible. Sai
was gone, there was no changing that.

Karasu groaned, hiding under the pillow. Shin smiled sadly
and caressed his hair. �I couldn�t have been a dream,� Shin thought
desperately, �Sai was real.�

But, at times, he could not help but believe that Sai was a
fragment of a child�s dream. An imaginary friend. A fantasy.

Blue eyes opened, eyes that were almost the exact shade of
Sai�s. Karasu yawned, rubbing his eyes, �Shin?�

�It wasn�t a dream��

�You awake?� Karasu sat up and put his forehead to his
friend�s, �You okay?�

Shin pushed his friend away, �I am fine.�

Karasu sighed, �Good. You had me worried. Do you remember
much?�

�Iie.� Shin laid down, his head spinning from sitting up so
long.

Karasu chuckled, lying back down too, �Well� to begin, you
sure did punch-out Niki. Then you proceeded to get your ass even more pissed
drunk. Nearly gave Ayami a heart attack. She ended up calling me on my cell,
sounding as if you were dying on the spot. So after pulling up my pants��

�Shin chuckled, and
then winced.

�� I proceed to come to your rescue, and with my hog, drove
you off into the sunset.�

�That is bullshit,� Shin smirked.

�I know, but it sure makes a great story,� Karasu laughed
passed the pain he felt in his heart. He had left out the fact that before he
took Shin home, the boy had puked blood. Not only that, but he had cried, really
cried. Karasu cannot remember a day he had ever seen Shin cry, let alone feel
anything, show anything, but detachment. It made his heart ache. He also did
not mention the night of struggling with the teen, as he tried to take his own
life. He did not mention that the teen almost won their match. That he almost
died.

Shin got up and went to the bathroom, shaking his head and
moaning.

Karasu made an odd comment, but for the life of him did not
know what he said, and he smiled as he got the finger in return for whatever
comment.

He did not mention that Shin cried in his sleep, saying �It
wasn�t a dream� it wasn�t.� He did not mention that Shin beg his dream not to
leave him, to not abandon him. Only, he did not get his wish if the wails were
anything to go by. It was heart breaking.

And for the life of him, Karasu could not tell Shin that he
cried out one name the entire time� Sai.

There was no one Karasu could hate any more, in that moment,
than this Sai.

-()()()-

�I feel in love with a broken angel that could not fly. He
had flown to close to the sun, now his wings are gone. God knew there was no
going back. There is no such angel as an angel without wings. Oooooh, yeah,
broken wings of an angel.� Karasu whirled around, humming the rock tune to the
song, �They called him the Devil, I called him Love for I saw what others could
not. There was still angel left in that man. For you can take an angel from
heaven, but you cannot change who they are. Oooooooh, yeah, broken wings of an
angel. My lonely demon-angel.�

Karasu held up his spatula, getting into the beat of the
song, �Oooooooooh, yeah, broken wings
of an angel.�

Karasu twirled, thrusting his spatula in the air, �Oooh
lovely angel, yeah, yeah, yeah� God, no matter who you are, I am sure you left
this angel to fall. That was your first mistake, for I have high hopes for this
angel. You see, this angel made it to the sun� Ooooh yeah, he made it up to the
sun and trust me, give him the chance, he�ll go further than that. He just
needs your helping hand.�

Karasu wiggled up to the pantry, �Oooooh yeah, he just needs the hand of god, and
he�ll get far. Just give him a hand, God.�

He pulled out some noodles and walked back to the stove, �I
feel in love with a broken angel that could not fly. He had flown to close to
the sun, now his wings are gone. God knew there was no going back. For there is
no such angel as an angel without wings. Oooooh, yeah, broken wings of an angel.�

Karasu got out the sauce, �One day those wings will grow
back, God, black wings of a fallen angel. Ooooh yeah, raven wings of a fallen
angel. My gorgeous fallen angel called Love.�

He used his spatula-mike to stir in the sauce and noodles,
�Oooooh, yeah, broken wings of an
angel, my lovely demon-angel.�

�What in the world are you singing?� Shin came down to see
Karasu bouncing around the kitchen like a flying buffoon.

Karasu looked up and smiled, �It is called �Broken Wings� by
Misuteru.�

�Misuteru� Forsaken?�

Karasu smiled happily, �Yes!�

�They suck.�

Karasu pouted, �No so!�

�Those lyric are crap, there is no rhyme or rhythm.�

�It�s not about that. It�s about the feeling behind the song
that matters.�

�Sure.�

Karasu stuck his tongue at him, �BLAH! Whatever, you have no
taste in music anyway.�

Shin chuckled, �The same can be said for you.�

The Raven ruffled its feathers in distain.

Chapter One End: To Be Continued

Annoying Authors Notes:

Ha ha ha, this is a small chapter, I know, but I wanted to
leave it here, seeing as things were slowing down. I hope you like �Broken
Wings� it was a song that I made up on the spot. I put a lot of double meaning
behind the words ((hint hint)). It is not only
about Shin.
Please don�t be mad about the whole Sai thing. He will return�. Eventually.
He he he he�. I am evil.

With Love,

Michi

A Side Note: (To the person that sent me the nasty
email and all the others)

Some of you are just plan mean! Ok, so yeah, it took a while to get here. And so yeah Shin is
a little OC, BIG DEAL! Each chapter is designed for a specific reason, with a
specific point to make. I made this story for the soul reason to show what
could happen if Hikaru fell apart. I even changed his name for a reason!
Grrrrr�

The begging is long, I know, but there is so much there that
is going to be brought up later. I built a beautiful foundation to make a great
story out of, you impatient jerks, so that this does NOT become a �Strait to
Confession,� one-shot piece of CRAP that I keep reading from others.� I want this story to be long, so there is 7 chapters before Sai is �introduced� BIG F-ING
DEAL!

I am not going to be nice to those who have nothing to share
but complaints, and I feel dearly sorry for those that where nice are haveing to hear me �piss and moan� at those that
weren�t. I do not take well to people criticizing something I put a lot of time
and effort into. If you have nothing nice to say, do NOT say it at all.

I do like constructive criticism though, but do so constructively.
If something needs to be improved, say so, but also say why and how to go about
fixing it. DON�T JUST COMPLAIN! I want to improve and not listen to people say
it sucked. It makes me sad.

Also, the story is HARD R! There is hard, graphic sex� big
deal, skip it. The sole purpose of that is to show Hikaru�s down fall.

I made this story for adults, not children.

On a Different Note:

For a while, I was really happy with what I had written. I�d
like to believe this is my best work. I love the way I had described things. I
love the way I have built the plot. I love the way I had planed each and every
characters� growth.� I even love the how
certain things turned out, even if they did not fall into my planning. I love
my story.

Please do not take that away from me�. if you do, I�ll
simply take the story away, for I cannot write a story I cannot love.

Chapter Notes:

Iie �No

Misuteru - Forsaken

P L E A S E

R E V I E W!
- 7
- 8
- 9
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Facing the World Alone