A Brand New Life

Disclaimer: I don’t own Saiyuki or any of the guys. That honor belongs to Kazuya Minekura. I do own the original characters in this story.


Yuuko awoke to find herself on Hakkai’s futon, Hakruyu laying beside her. Hakruyu, sensing she was awake, kyuuu’d at her, as if asking if she was alright. She smiled at the dragon and scratched under his neck, reassuring him she was alright. She had been out for a few hours, judging by the waning sunlight filtering in through the curtains covering the front windows. She and Hakkai had just bought them yesterday. She smiled at the memory of her and Hakkai shopping. She had picked out items for his house, as if she planned on staying there for the rest of her life. She stopped smiling as she remembered what happened in the kitchen.

She looked around the room and her eyes fell on Hakkai, sitting on one of the chairs Goku had brought from her grandfather’s home. His body was tense and his face was unreadable. Their eyes locked for several seconds. She didn’t know what to say to him. She wasn’t afraid of Hakkai but she was still shocked that he had turned into a youkai earlier.

She sat up and pushed back the covers. Her hands twisted in her lap and she wished she could find the right words to say. But, what do you say to a man that only hours before had you pushed back on a counter, making love to you, before turning into a youkai? How’s the weather? What do you want for dinner? Have you always been a youkai?

“Yuuko?” Hakkai’s soft voice brought her attention back to him. “I’m sorry. I should have told you.” She didn’t need to ask him what he was talking about. “I would like to tell you how I came to be this way.” His eyes begged for understanding.

She nodded and patted the foot of the bed. She wanted him closer to her. She still wasn’t ready to admit to herself that she was falling in love with this gentle man. Her thoughts were still in turmoil.

He got up from the chair and came over to sit on the bed, as far from her as possible. He refused to meet her eyes. He picked at several stray threads on the blanket and began his story.

“I only told you a little about Kannan and myself when I first met you. I want to tell you everything and if you never want to see me again, I will understand.” Hakkai closed his eyes, digging up painful past memories.

“I was raised in an orphanage. I don’t remember much about my parents or other family members. I did know I had a sister but no one knew where she was. I was an angry child, not believing in friendship, let alone love. I kept to myself and books were my only company. Most of the other children didn’t want anything to do with me and I was fine with that.”

“When I got older, I was accepted into a good school and I trained to be a teacher. After graduation, I had no job, no home to call my own. I traveled for awhile until I came to a small village. I stopped at the inn for the night but the next morning, my life changed. I met Kannan in that village. The village was near Hyakugan Mao’s castle but they hadn’t had trouble with them for years, so it was safe place to live.”

“After a few months of being with Kannan, I knew I loved her and wanted to stay with her. She was an orphan, like me. Neither of us really talked about our past, only about our future together. I got a job teaching at a local school that was full of orphans and I finally had a home and someone to take away the loneliness. I was going to ask her to marry me and then it happened.” Hakkai’s hands stilled on the blanket. Memories that he had long thought would bring him no more pain, flooded his mind.

Yuuko’s stomach began to ache. She had no idea what Hakkai was going to say but she knew it would be bad. She wanted to reach out and comfort him but she didn’t know how.

“I came home late one night to find the little house we lived in tore apart. I ran through the village calling her name but she was nowhere to be found. Then, I was told that the leader of the clan, Hyakugan Mao, had come to the village demanding a woman. To save their daughter, a village couple gave him Kannan.” Bitterness crept into Hakkai’s voice. “They said because we didn’t have parents, we wouldn’t understand. As if that reason made what they did alright.”

Yuuko’s heart wept for Hakkai. To have nothing for so long and finally finding joy, to only have it ripped away, would be enough to kill a weaker man. She untwisted her hands and reached out for Hakkai. He grabbed her hand, his grip so tight, it was painful.

“I ran to where they were holding Kannan. The first youkai I encountered had a sword, but that didn’t stop me. I killed him and took his sword. Youkai came from all around and I cut each one of them down, slaughtering them. My hands…Kannan always told me how much she loved my hands…were red with blood. I gave no thought to my own life as I went from room to room looking for Kannan, killing everyone who got in my way. Men, women and even children. It didn’t matter to me”

“I was bleeding some but I never felt any of the hits I received. All I could think of was Kannan and what she must be going through. I finally reached the dungeon and I could hear her voice calling to me. I raced to the bars and grabbed her hand. I promised to take her out of there and protect her, but she had a strange look on her face.” Hakkai dropped Yuuko’s hand and covered his eyes, trying to block out the memory of Kannan’s face.

“She told me it was too late. She was carrying the leader’s child. He raped her over and over.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “She killed herself right in front of my eyes.”

Yuuko didn’t think, she just reacted. She moved next to Hakkai and took him in her arms. He wasn’t crying, but she wept for the both of them. He gathered her onto his lap and buried his face in her shoulder. They stayed that way for a long time.

Yuuko pulled away and wiped the tears from her face. “The legend is true then?” Hakkai nodded. He had slaughtered a thousand youkai that night and became youkai himself. Yuuko shifted a little in Hakkai’s lap and settled in the circle of Hakkai’s arms. “Did Gojyo make the limiters for you?”

“No, he said I had them when he first found me, on my ear. I have no idea where they came from.” Yuuko fingered the silver clips. “That night is where I got the scar on my stomach. To quote Gojyo, he stuffed my guts in best he could and a doctor stitched me up.” Yuuko smiled. That sounded like something Gojyo would say.

Hakkai took her hand away from the clips on his ears. Since Gyoumao was dead, there wasn’t the danger of him losing his mind when he turned youkai, but he didn’t want to frighten Yuuko again. He didn’t want her passing out on him again.

“Why do you have vines on your skin in your youkai form? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a youkai with something like that before.” Yuuko ran her palms over his bare chest, as if she could feel them, even though he was in human form. She could see his pulse jump in his neck. She couldn’t lie to herself anymore. She was in love with Hakkai.

Hakkai dreaded telling her his theory of why he was marked with vines. She would run from him, never looking back. He had finally admitted to himself after she had passed out. He loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. But, if he told her the final piece of his past, he would be alone again.

Hakkai pushed her off of his lap and stood up, his back to her. He couldn’t face her. He was afraid her reaction would be his undoing. “The vines are proof of my sin.”

Yuuko was confused. Yes, killing was wrong but she could understand why Hakkai did what her did. After her parents were killed, Yuuko wanted nothing more to hunt down and kill the youkai that slaughtered her parents. “I still don’t understand.”

“One night, Kannan and I were talking about our pasts and we found out a terrible fact about each other.” His shoulders slumped. “She was my sister. I didn’t know it when I fell in love with her. Once I found out, it didn’t matter to me, although it should have. I was deeply in love with her and I didn’t have the courage to break off our relationship”

Hakkai waited for her reaction. She would run out of his bleak life, never to return. He would leave this house. He would never be able to sit in the living room without seeing her there, talking to Hakruyu. He would never be able to cook in the kitchen without remembering the feel of her body pressed up against his while he was trying to teach her how to roll dough.

Yuuko sat on the futon in shock. She had heard of brothers and sisters having this sort of unnatural relationship, but Hakkai and Kannan were different. They had no idea they were related when they fell in love. For some reason, that information didn’t bother her like she thought it would. It was almost like the man who had fallen in love with his sister didn’t exist anymore.

She couldn’t fathom what Hakkai’s childhood had been like. Alone and unloved. Her childhood had been filled with love and laughter. She had been the only child and therefor, her parents doted on her. Memories of picking wildflowers with her mother, helping out in the store with her father and hugs and kisses before bedtime. Arms to hold her when she was frightened of storms, kisses on scraped knees and the feeling of being loved had surrounded her in her childhood.

But, Hakkai knew none of these things. And deep in her heart, Yuuko wanted to be the woman to show him. To show him he was wanted and needed. And most importantly, loved. She did love this man. It hadn’t hit her like a bolt of lightning. Her feelings had crept up on her softly. Everyday she spent with Hakkai, she found it harder and harder to leave him for the night.

She wanted to make a life with this man. She could almost see this house filled with little green eyed children they would love and cherish. She would give Hakkai all the love he craved. She had to let him know her feelings before it was too late.

Yuuko moved to stand in front of Hakkai. He still wouldn’t look at her but by his body language, he was terrified of her reaction. He held his body stiff, as if he was poised and ready to flee. She put her hands on either side of his face and met his eyes with hers. The look in his eyes was so painful, she could almost feel it pierce her skin. Her right hand reached up and touched the silver limiters on his ear. She pulled the top one off.

Hakkai grabbed her hand. “What are you doing?” She could hear the panic in his voice.

“Do you trust me?” She asked him, taking a second limiter off. He nodded. He trusted this woman with his life. “I want to see the real you.” She took the last limiter off and waited.

The transformation did not take long to happen. Almost as soon as the last limiter was off, he changed. Green vines snaked up his chest and made their way to wrap around his neck and cross the bridge of his nose. One tiny vine was under his left eye that had turned golden, with the pupil narrowing to a slit. His hair grew longer and wilder, touching his shoulders. His ears stretched in length. His claws which had terrified her the first time she saw them, weren’t so bad now.

She reached out and touched his chest. She traced the vines downward until her fingers brushed over the large scar on his stomach. She watched in fascination as his stomach muscles jumped. His breathing changed, too. His hands were clenched into fists by his side. Her touch was light as a feather and he wanted nothing more to pull her to him and crush her lips with his. He willed his hands to stay at his side.

“I love you.” She whispered her confession to his chest. His heart skipped a beat. Did he hear her correctly? She loved him? No woman could love the monster he had become. He wanted to ask her to repeat what she’d said, but he was afraid he heard her wrong. She moved around to his back, her fingers still tracing the vines.

“You are so handsome.” He could feel her warm breath between his shoulder blades. He shuddered. Did she really mean the things she was saying? Couldn’t she see what he really was? Why was she doing this to him?

Yuuko moved back around to his chest and touched her lips to his collarbone. “I really do love you. I think I first started to fall for you the first moment I saw you.” God, this was torture. He wanted to touch her but if he did while he was in this form, his vines would capture her. And he didn’t know if he could ever let her go.

Please, say something, Yuuko thought. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe he doesn’t love her or even like her. Tears gathered in the corner of her eyes. She was so stupid, confessing her love to a man who obviously didn’t share her feelings. She took a step backwards. She looked at her feet, tears blurring her vision.

“Did you mean it?” At first, she didn’t realize it was Hakkai speaking. His voice when he was in youkai form was much deeper than his regular voice. “Do you love me?” She nodded.

“I never thought I would love anyone ever again. My heart shattered with Kannan’s death. I closed it off, swearing to never let another woman into my heart. She would just break it.” Tears splashed to the floor as Yuuko’s heart sank. He didn’t love her. He might be grateful to her for helping him and maybe this afternoon in the kitchen was just lust taking over.

She wouldn’t be able to stay in this town. She would die seeing him with another woman. She wished she would have never removed those damn ear bands. She would have locked away the memory of Hakkai making love to her deep into her heart. It would have been enough to know his touch just once.

“I have no right to ask this of you, but…”Hakkai didn’t get a chance to finish. Sobbing openly, Yuuko tried to get around Hakkai to leave the house. God, he was making a mess of this. His right arm shot out and grabbed her as she ran past him.

Vines snaked up her left arm, searing into her skin. She gasped. Was this what Hakkai felt when the vines appeared on his skin? She struggled to get free of him. He hugged her to him, his left arm around her shoulders. More vines twisted across her skin. Oh God! Was she turning into a youkai, too?

“Stay with me.” He whispered into her ear. She stopped struggling. “I have no right asking you this. What I am now, can never be changed. I can wear my limiters to hide my youkai appearance but this is who I really am.” The vines were no longer painful. In fact, the searing hot pain was lessening, leaving a gentle warm feeling. “I need you, Yuuko. I dream about you at night. You came into my life, healing my heart as well as my body.” He pulled back and wiped away the tears on her face, being watchful of his claws. “I love you, too. He put all of the love he felt for her in this kiss.


Goku opened the front door of Hakkai’s house and stepped in over the threshold. The house was quiet. He removed his boots, being careful not to make any noise so he didn’t wake Hakkai up. Some nights, Hakkai had retired early and Goku would go in the living room to find Hakkai asleep on the futon and Yuuko curled up in a chair. He looked around the short hallway for Hakruyu. Maybe the little guy was in the kitchen. Goku walked the short distance to the kitchen and looked in the room. Nope, no little dragon in there.

He turned to walk across the hall but he didn’t get far. Hakruyu stood in the archway of the living room, wings spread as if blocking Goku from entering the room. Curious, Goku poked his head into the room. He smiled.

There, in the middle of the room, locked in a passionate kiss, was Hakkai and Yuuko. Goku was a little shocked to see him in youkai form but by the way Yuuko was responding to Hakkai’s kisses, she didn’t mind his youkai form. Goku quietly put his boots back on. He would crash at Gojyo’s apartment tonight.

Goku’s thoughts turned to Myhiko as he closed the door behind him and made his way to Gojyo’s place. Hakkai had found what he’d always wanted. Someone strong to love him for who he was. Goku didn’t think he would ever be that lucky. After all, Hakkai was just a man who turned into a youkai when his limiters were removed.

Goku, on the other hand, was an abomination.

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I just wanted to explain about the flip flopping of Kannan’s name. When I first read her name in the manga, I thought it was spelled Kannan. Then, rereading them, I though it was Kannon but that spelling is a common name for the Merciful Goddess, Kanzeon Bosatsu. So, with this chapter, I used the first spelling of her name, Kannan. And, yes, I know she has only one n in her name, but I don’t want to confuse anyone anymore. So, even though her name is really Kanan, for my story her name is spelled Kannan. I really need new glasses.