Hell and Healing

SPOILERS: All manga, all anime, L's true name, Another Note, Law and Right, Truth and Justice, Motive and Mayhem.

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Hell and Healing

Chapter 8: Hope

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The alarm clock on the bedside glowed neon green in the dark. It was 1:48 am, local time. A storm was coming in from the coast and even the cannibals Mello had been tracking would be hibernating until the storm passed.

It had been three days since he arrived, and as he gazed over at Near, he still didn't understand why there was only one bed in the place. He supposed that originally L had been the only one to live there, with regular deliveries from Wammy or some other trusted person. Near had to have gone out looking for him, to have wound up with that much snow on his head, walking away from the base as if just leaving it.

So why, Mello wondered, hadn't he had another bed brought in?

He sighed softly, frowned when an eye cracked open, gazed at him from across the pillows. The bed, at least, was a queen size and so a bit more tolerable.

"Do you always stay awake this long?" Near asked quietly, reaching out to push a bit of hair away from Mello's eyes.

"Yeah," Mello frowned, shrugged a little. "I don't sleep well."

It went without saying that he wouldn't take a sleep aid, so Near sighed. "Roll over."

"What?" Mello didn't like where this was heading.

"Do you want to get to sleep or not? Do it."

Reluctantly, Mello obeyed, rolling to face the wall. He stiffened when he felt Near moving, felt another body press up to his. When the arms slid around him, he couldn't stop the shiver.

"I won't hurt you," Near whispered into Mello's ear. "Rest. We'll break the case after the storm clears."

He said nothing, simply stared at the wall. In the end, the warmth of those arms lulled him off quickly and before he knew it, morning had come with the obnoxious buzzing of the alarm. Near pulled away, reaching out to slap the snooze button before returning to his place behind Mello, nuzzling his face into the other's shoulders.

Mello turned his head enough to get a look at Near, not sure if he should laugh or run. He'd slept well. Far better than he had in years, and just because he let someone's arms curl around him. It was more than a little disconcerting.

Two days later, the storm had cleared and the cannibals had been turned over to the local authorities. Without so much as a goodbye, Mello left, getting on another plane and heading back to France.

He wandered the city until he came across the bridge he'd thrown his phone over. For a week, he went to the spot, gazed blankly at the water. He was still in that parka, the snow and ice reminded him, far too much, of that day not so long ago. Once again, he felt the hot tears sliding down his cheeks.

He ignored the tears, just as he ignored the footsteps that approached him slowly, came to a stop.

"I thought you were going to wait for me to decide that I needed you," Mello said softly, gaze still on the river.

There was a long silence as Near went to stand next to Mello, gazing out at the river. "You forgot to leave my handkerchief behind."

"No, you switched them on me."

"You didn't turn it off," Near shrugged.

"I... wanted to be found," he whispered, then finally turned his head to look at Near, reached out to take his hand. "Can I have Matt's collar back?"

"It's not his anymore," Near replied, but he pulled the worn strip of leather from his pocket, handed it over.

Mello took it, turning it over to look at the letter for a long, silent moment. "What does this mean?" he asked softly.

Near squeezed his hand. "Whatever you want it to."

"Could you really handle it? The full implications?" Mello asked.

"I've researched it, but the only way to know for sure is to try," he turned then, looking at Mello. "I'll wait for you this time. I never turned off the GPS on your handkerchief."

"I'll come back, when I'm ready," Mello replied quietly, finally looking at Near with a weak smile. "Thanks, for overloading the bad memory I had here."

Near smiled. "You told me once that I didn't have common sense. I think this proves you're wrong," he replied, then released Mello's hand, turned around and walked away.

For several long moments, Mello watched him go, until he'd disappeared in the gentle snowfall. He turned and walked in the other direction.

A full year passed before Mello did anything with that collar, before he made contact with Near. When he did, it was spur of the moment, triggered by another snowfall, this one in southern Canada.

He checked Near's location and arranged for a flight, heading across the ocean to Europe, back to England. Near wasn't at Wammy's House, but he was close at hand. L and Light were there, too.

Mello sighed as he paced the room, his hands clammy and wet as he wiped them, again, on his pants. He stopped in front of the hotel's full length mirror, looking at himself. His hair was freshly cut, but jagged as it had always been after receiving the scars, framing his face and mostly covering the injury. His scarred arm was entirely exposed because he wore only a black tank top and a pair of tight leather pants. Much the kind of thing Matt enjoyed seeing him in, he noticed, and wondered how that would be received.

Around his neck, the old collar rested like a comforting friend. The letter that gleamed from the leather was no longer an M, not his nor Matt's. Rather, it had been transformed into Near's N. It wasn't done very well, because Near was no artist, but he'd done it himself and that more than anything was why Mello had come to the decision to go to him.

Another swipe of sweaty palms on his leather pants and he went back to the bed, grabbing his boots and tugging them on, pulling on his gloves and parka. He swung his duffel bag over his shoulder and turned to leave the hotel, checking out before heading to the parking lot and hailing a cab.

He was dropped off three blocks from his real destination and waited until the cab was out of sight to begin walking. It wasn't long before he was looking at Near's door. hovering outside it for a brief moment, before ringing the doorbell.

The wait was not nearly as long as he had expected it to be. A few seconds passed before the door unlatched and swung open, and he wasn't surprised to see that no one was waiting. He stepped inside, scraped his feet on the welcome mat, and went to the coat closet. Same setup as the other place, he discovered, and cleared himself through security.

He hoped to god that Near was alone, because his heart was already racing. He was fidgeting with the cross necklace that hung from his pocket, giving a heavy sigh. He hadn't been to church in a long time, he realized, glancing down at the cross as the elevator doors slid open. He stepped forward without pulling his gaze up, but he could see that Near was coming towards him.

He didn't really expect to be slammed up against the elevator doors once they'd closed, and he wound up gasping as his duffel -- and necklace -- clattered to the floor. His eyes were wide when they focused on Near's face and he was surprised, again, when he wasn't assaulted with a kiss.

Instead, Near reached up to gently push down Mello's hood. "Look at me when you come to see me," he said softly, and gave that self-satisfied smirk when a dark blush rose up on Mello's cheeks.

"Okay," Mello muttered, thoroughly confused.

"Tell me why you're wearing it," Near said.

Mello's expression softened as he considered how to answer that question before he gave a soft sigh. "You modified it yourself, didn't you? So I know you care, enough to do it with your own hands, and I..." he blushed again, looked away.

Near reached his hand out, took Mello's chin and forced their eyes to meet. "You what?"

"I wanted to thank you for it," he said softly. "I never really thought you cared, despite all the things you said," he shrugged weakly.

"Because it's actions that you believe, not words. And you're wise to do so," Near replied quietly, giving a soft smile as he leaned in to kiss Mello's cheek softly. "We have a lot to talk about, but you should settle in and unpack first. If you stick around, we'll be here for a while."

"Okay," Mello replied again and, when Near stepped back, he grabbed his necklace and duffel, took them to the room he was led to, and put his things away. Somewhere inside, he was a little disappointed that Near didn't seem to be using that bedroom.

He wasn't even really sure what he wanted from the situation. He mulled it over as he slowly put his things away, tucking his few belongings into the drawers of the single dresser.

He wanted desperately for the closeness that he'd had with Matt, and he craved being dominated though he had been too frightened as of yet to let anyone else do those things to him. His cheeks heated with blush as he imagined Near being the one to command him, to own him. He paused, reaching up to touch the collar, the N that had replaced Matt's M. Perhaps Near had already begun owning him.

Which meant they really did need to talk, after all. He unpacked the rest of his things as quickly as he could before seeking Near out.

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A/N: Yay! Another chapter out in a single week! XD; I think I've finally gotten my inspiration back for this story. =3