My Own Way

It was only a handful of days before Mello could slip out again. He exploited a weak spot between negotiations and the overseeing of operations to quite legitimately walk out of the hideout and take just a driver to the lower southside. From then, it was simply a matter of taking a taxi to Matt\'s apartment. He waited for a moment outside the door, hearing the electronic music inside. He stood on the landing outside, brushing his hair and dabbing a wetted fingertip at a flake of eyeliner. It, of course, made it worse, smearing kohl down one side of his ear. Sighing in frustration, he scraped with a nail until the line was straight again, then touched it up with the pencil from his pocket. He ruffled his feathers, turned and knocked on the door.



Every time he did that, he expected Matt to shout out his name. It was precisely the kind of distracted foolishness that he almost cringed in anticipation of, imagining what would happen if one of his friends should discover this place and check it out. If Matt should give him away like that. But the redhead never did. He called out now, "Who is it?"



"Mello." The blond replied, hating the effect that Matt\'s voice had on his knees. "Open the door." A moment later, he was staring into Matt\'s face and even though he knew eternal damnation led along that path, Mello just wanted to kiss those lips. He felt stunned. He walked into the apartment and closed the door behind him. "I can stay all afternoon."



"Great." Matt didn\'t sound too sure about that. His eyes, though, stripped the clothes from Mello\'s body. It was secretly thrilling how that happened. Mello felt so beautiful under that gaze. It fed his ego and boosted his self-esteem. "Would you like a drink?"



Mello asked for a coffee and watched Matt\'s progress across the floor to get it. Still so closed off. It seemed that only shock tactics and violence could spark any reaction in Matt these days. He had always been insular, but now it was like watching him from across a chasm. Mello had never felt more nostalgic for Wammy\'s House, where he and Matt had had a practically telepathic bond. The silences had been easy; the conversations even more so. Great truths could pass between them without judgement. Arguments left no permanent scars. Laughter could be shared without the joke needing to be fully explained. They were like brothers, twins, the closest of friends. Mello realised that, deep down, he had believed that that world still existed and that he could re-enter it at any time. He could have just met back up with Matt and that relationship would have rekindled, like it really had been forged in some mythic flames. "I\'m making my plans to come back to England with you."



The redhead stiffened. "Really?"



"Yes." Mello smiled, wanting to share something with him. Habit kept the secrets fast. "The stage is set. I won\'t need the Mafia soon. I will be able to catch Kira without them."



"Right." Matt seemed nervous, though it was hard to tell under that veneer of reserve. "I\'ll switch the music off."



Mello blinked. He had been thinking that, as regarded Matt\'s music, this album wasn\'t too bad. It did have lyrics and, if not guitars, then certainly a rockier edge than the usual brand of crap he listened to. "It\'s ok. Leave it on." He would meet the redhead halfway, to see if something could be salvaged.



"No." Matt crossed the room.



Mello had known him too long. He was being too casual, even for Matt. He ran and overtook him, peering down at the laptop playlist. "\'Furious Angels\'?" Mello asked, sweetly, probing for information.



"Not an album I\'m prepared to listen to with you in the room." The redhead muttered. "And that isn\'t your cue to just go and buy it." Matt closed the whole music player down.



"Mmm." Mello glanced from the laptop to Matt. "I see your reverse psychology and I raise you one folder of it in my server please, by the time I get back." He laughed as the redhead\'s colour flushed. "It\'s obviously an album you\'ve listened to whilst thinking about me. It would be nice to know what those thoughts are." Matt just looked annoyed as he returned to the kitchen. "Poor Matty, don\'t you know that I read you like a book?"



"How are you going to leave the Mafia?"



"I can\'t go into details, silly." Mello turned and logged into his server. He copied all of Matt\'s music into a folder there and left it all uploading as he strode across to the settee. "People get killed that way."



Matt gave him a wide berth, as he set their drinks down on the floor and sat on the carpet, facing him, several feet away. He flashed a smile and it seemed to be of reassurance. "Do I need to do anything to help you?"



"Just be ready to go at a moment\'s notice. It might be well before my birthday." Mello smiled back, trying to discipher the looks that his friend was giving him. "So tell me about this album. Will I learn everything about you from it?"



"You\'re blowing it all out of proportion." Matt lit a cigarette, which proved that he was probably lying. It did mean something.



Mello was getting tired of the cryptic clues and the gulf. He slid to his knees and crawled across to face the redhead. "What\'s the matter, It Matters?"



The green eyes narrowed behind the orange goggles. "Are you trying to piss me off?"



"Oh! A reaction!" Mello was close enough to feel Matt\'s breath on his face. It was intoxicating. "You wanted to know why I brought you here. Near is trying to find my hide-out. He\'s already closed in on two of them and so it\'s only a matter of time before he finds the one I\'m in now. It occurred to me that, for the first time ever, your goal and his goal were exactly the same. It upsets me to think of you working together, so I brought you to me."



Matt looked hurt. "Are you still just trying to get a reaction?"



"What? You thought I wanted you for your sparkling personality and great conversation?" Mello watched the pain flash through his friend\'s eyes and struck with a kiss. "There. Is it better now?"



The redhead tried to scramble to his feet and back away at the same time, but Mello grabbed him, pulling him back down. "Leave me the fuck alone!"



"Ssh, Matty." Mello smiled, staring at him. What he really wanted to say was, \'you\'re beautiful, Matty. You\'re so beautiful that I don\'t think I can stand it and I\'m going to end up going to Hell for you. So I wonder how many verbal slaps and physical punchs would make you less beautiful to me. I wonder if I could break you and make you so insignificant, so beneath me, that my heart wouldn\'t beat this strongly at the mere thought of your name. I wonder if I could still be saved even now. I think of you, in all your recklessness and contempt for authority, and I try to picture you in my world. The like of Rod Ross would clip you in an instant. So this isn\'t going to work unless you obey my every order and move only after seeking permission from me, and since when did Mail Jeevas, the ultimate rebel, who wouldn\'t even bend to the will of Wammy, do anything that anyone else told him to do? I need to reduce you, Matty, if I\'m going to keep you or else you and me will both be dead this time next week. But most of all, I can\'t stand this forty-foot of granite wall that exists around your psyche and won\'t let me in. But I glimpse traces of you behind sex and violence, and if those are the only routes you are giving me, then I will take them. If I came with a cuddle, you would just freeze beneath me like you did the other day. Yet every time I\'ve hit you, I\'ve watched you get hard and that is so hot. God knows, you are so beautiful, Matty, my Mail. So unbelievably beautiful.\'



"Mello, for the record, that stare is really fucking insane. Will you please stop it?"



"Do I make you nervous?"



"Yes." Matt twisted away from him and sat at the computer, watching his music duplicate itself onto Mello\'s server. "You hate my music."



"Apparently not."



"No, you do hate my music. Why are you uploading it?"



"To listen to \'Furious Angels\'."



Matt frowned. "But I don\'t want you to!" Mello noticed though that he made no move to stop the upload. Instead, the redhead gazed up at the ceiling. "Why am I still here? I could just go. I could just hack my way across the Atlantic. I could forge a passport. How difficult could it be?"



Mello sprang forward. Matt could not think like this. He sat down on his lap, facing inwards, leather-clad legs straddling his thighs. The green eyes widened behind the goggles. Despite his awkwardness, Matt\'s breath caught. "Because you promised me you\'d stay until my birthday and I\'m about to leave the Mafia and come home with you." Mello leaned in for a kiss and the same fireworks went off in his mind. If this was damnation, he would take it. The murders had already sent him into the inferno anyway. Matt pulled away, turning his head, but Mello slapped him hard and forced his lips back. Mello kissed him with a passion that the Devil himself could take. He tried to press into movements of his lips and tongue all that he really felt, to reach beyond the defences and call to the boy he\'d known through the bruised lips of the man he had become.



Mello\'s hands rode down the sides of Matt\'s torso, feeling every rib beneath, to pull at the hem of the striped shirt and to yank it upwards. He wanted to see that body, touch that flesh, suck a nipple. Matt was struggling beneath him, trying to push him off, but that just added to it. His head ducked to capture a nipple, to kiss it and feel it harden in his mouth, to bite it and hear Matt\'s moan. He tasted blood and licked it with his tongue. Matt bucked under him and Mello drew away. If this carried on, he would want to take it all the way. The pressure against his flies was already immense. Matt stared back at him with disbelief and fear. Emotions at last. "Stay with me, Matty." Mello breathed and the redhead seemed about ready to cry. "Stay with me until the end."



"Mello, you need to come home." Matt looked up at the ceiling. "You\'re not well."



The blond finally released what Matt was trying to say to him. "You think I\'m mad." He frowned, considering it. "I\'m not mad, Matty. I\'m realistic and I will use every weapon at my disposal to get what I want."



"Which is?"



"Kira. Victory over Near. The L code." Mello gazed at him and silently thought, \'you\'. "Look at me, Matt. You think I could have got into the Mafia if I didn\'t dress like this and act like this? You think anyone would have listened to my plans long enough to even see that I had an ounce of sense? Yes, I changed, but it\'s not madness. It\'s determination."



"Please get off me."



Mello\'s eyes dipped to see what he didn\'t dare move forward to feel. Matt was hard. The bulge in his jeans betrayed him. Mello smirked. "You fancied me when I was a dowdy kid running barefoot around that institution. I must really blow your mind now."



"Please get off me."



Mello took Matt\'s hand and placed it palm down on the taut leather of his leg. Matt removed it the second Mello released it. "You don\'t want to touch me?" The blond let sneering incredulity mask itself across his face. "You do. You must imagine what it\'s like to touch me every second of the day. You peel me out of my leather with your eyes. When you\'re alone, with your dick in your hand, I know it\'s me you think of."



Matt blushed, still turned away, staring at a random spot on the carpet. "Please get off me."



"I overpower you and you love it." Mello reached in for another kiss, fighting Matt to claim it, but then he slithered off the teenager and stood over him. "I\'m not mad, Matty. I\'m just doing what I have to."



"Then I really hope you know what you\'re doing."



"Oh! I do." Mello grinned. "You\'d be amazed at the genius of my plans, which are all coming together now. Won\'t you be pleased for me then?"



Matt stood and walked on the side of the chair from him, taking the long way around the settee. "I\'m going to the toilet."



Mello thought of the boner he had caused in the redhead and sniggered. "Good for you." He was rewarded with the sight of a deep blush and beamed, as he sucked on his chocolate. Things were definitely coming together.