Rebirth

So... been a while. In my defense, a lot happened to me. I am married with a son now. But(!) I am back, sort of. I will keep writing, but me gaps might be large (maybe another whole year). But try not to give up on me, I will keep going as long as I can.

That did it. I would never have thought that a bite could be so pleasurable, but the sensation of his teeth sinking into the tender flesh of my neck drove me over that last edge. The world spotted then faded to white, and when I finally came down from that high, I found Sebastian staring down at me, hunger plain on his face. His eyes shone with that mystical internal light, and his lips were stained with my blood. He looked absolutely glorious. Dangerous, sensual, perfection in the form of a demon. Somewhere in the blank remains of my mind, a small voice screamed for me to escape, but I could not move, or even tear my eyes away. I felt myself falling into his hypnotic gaze, and I was happy to do so.

“Finally you submit to me,” Sebastian purred, his lips brushing the shell of my ear. I had not felt him move, he just simply had appeared in a different position. Still groggy, I absently noted that we were now in my bedroom. I had no recollection of moving. I hadn’t even felt the passing of time. This should have concerned me. It didn’t.

Another lapse, and we were on the bed. I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know what. I could not pinpoint it. I knew I should feel something… oh that was it. My emotions. Ever since becoming a demon, I had felt my emotions increasing their potency. When I was angry, I got furious. Sad, despair. Happy, giddy. All my emotions had been magnified. Now, though, nothing. Sebastian’s face hovered in front of my own. Based on previous experiences, I knew I should be feeling embarrassed, scared…aroused. But nothing.

A strange look crossed over his face. He looked sad. He reached his hand up and covered my eyes. His fingers were so warm. They felt absolutely wonderful. Then a wave of something washed over me. Something familiar. Fear, no it was reminiscent of fear, but not. Ah that’s what it was… Anger.

“What the Hell was that!?” I screamed at him, wrapping the anger around me like a security blanket.

“Just a little manipulation,” he answered. He had his poker face on, but the sadness was still present in his eyes.

“A little manipulation? You… I couldn’t…” My words came out in a jumble. He had put me under some kind of spell, and I couldn’t resist him. He could have done anything to me and I wouldn’t have been able to stop him. I had been completely helpless. I felt myself go pale at the thought. But there was something worse. I hadn’t felt anything. I couldn’t feel my love for him or feel excited of being in bed or feel scared at the loss of control. I felt my eyes tearing up. I would not cry. I noticed his lips turn up, he was smiling. Not arrogantly, it was a gentle smile. I didn’t know what to make of it, so I ignored it.

“Why?” It seemed stupid and childish, but it was all I could manage. My voice was thick with unshed tears. His eyes widened slightly, he had not expected that question. He was silent for a few moments, presumably thinking about how to answer.

“Initially, I was going to just use my gaze to get you where I wanted you, but when I had tried in the past… It had not worked. You have the makings of a powerful demon, and gaze manipulation requires a large power difference. You were too strong, and you could fight off my gaze, which, I will admit, was frustrating, especially when you consider all of your conscious refusals. When you finally submitted to my gaze, which must have been a somewhat conscious decision on your part, because I cannot force you, I might have become a bit drunk on the power you’d given me over you.”

“Then why stop?” I asked, finally having fought back the tears. His explanation made sense. I refused him, and then I gave him an opportunity for revenge and he took it. But why would he give that up when he had me where he wanted me? He smiled, and it was a look of… pride. Pride in himself? In me? I wasn’t sure, but the look shifted quickly, sobered up to a more solemn expression. So quick that I wasn’t sure I hadn’t imagined the first look.

“Because you were not you. I knew I could do whatever I wanted to your body, but in doing so, I had removed your personality. I did not like that.” His expression was stubborn, almost petulant. Sebastian did not usually play the sullen child, but he pulled it off quite well. His eyes turned to me suddenly, and narrowed before he spoke, “Why were you crying before?”

The question caught me a bit off guard; he had switched directions so abruptly.

“I…” I couldn’t help stuttering. His expression told me that he wanted the truth, and he would be able to tell if I lied. Plus after he had confessed so many things to me, I felt that honesty was the only option. “I was scared.”

“Why were you scared?” His eyes were focused on me. He was probing for something, I just didn’t know what for.

“Because I felt that you were taking away my feelings…my emotions.” I don’t know why I felt that I had to change my words, but “feelings” had come more naturally, when I thought that “emotions” was more accurate.

“Why were you afraid I was taking away your feelings?” Now that was a strange question. Wasn’t that exactly why he had stopped manipulating me, because I wasn’t mentally present? Because it took away what made me who I am?

“You made it so I couldn’t experience my emotions. I wasn’t myself. It scared me.” I was confused, and I let that show in my voice and expression.

“No, which feelings were you scared that I’d taken away?” I could tell he was frustrated, but I still didn’t get it.

“Which feelings…” I was silent for a moment, as I thought back to my first thoughts when he released me. I was angry and then I thought… I blushed. Oh. That’s what he was looking for.

“Well?” He smiled. He knew I’d arrived at the conclusion he wanted, and I knew he would probe relentlessly until I said it.

“I love you.” And he smiled. Not a triumphant smile, but a soft smile full of joy. It reached his eyes and beyond, and made things low in my stomach tighten. It was only then that I remembered the aphrodisiac in my system, and in an instant, burning need spread through me like wildfire. Oh Lord did I want him.

As if on cue, he slowly crawled over me, so that we were staring into each other’s eyes. He leaned down, his lips just above mine, and whispered, “I love you too, Ciel.”

I couldn’t help it; I closed the distance between us and caught his lips with my own. I played my tongue over his bottom lip, begging for entrance, and he granted it.

Not as much smut as I was originally going for, but I really, REALLY promise that next chapter will have more. And I will try to post again soon... Emphasis on try. Newborns are a lot of work.