Goku
choked and sobbed openly against Sanzo’s chest, and even though the man wasn’t
saying anything, wasn’t comforting him, or even so much as twitching…but, it
was because of that Goku felt like he was actually wanted- or, tolerated, since
Sanzo didn’t seem to like anyone much. It was more than enough, Goku barely
able to keep himself from hugging the monk. That would certainly break
whatever spell had over come Sanzo as get him kicked out of bed. Goku should
just be thankful that Sanzo was this close to him right now! The monk should
have died three times over in the past couple of days. Even if he was
miraculously healed- though at what pricku wku would rather not think about
right now- he had been even more sensitive about being touched or people
getting close to him, coming close to blowing a few of the villager’s heads off
at dinner when they crowded in too close to the High Priest. Hakkai and Goku
had barely been able to keep up with the apologizing and protecting of Sanzo,
while Gojyo just snickered like it was hilarious that the monk was constantly
on the verge of causing a bloodbath these days.

Goku
swallowed up the rest of his tears, unable to wipe his face dry with Sanzo so
close. Crying wouldn’t fix anything, not now, and he’d probably end up pissing
Sanzo off soon. He couldn’t keep on being weak like this, couldn’t depend on
Sanzo when he had sworn to protect the man. If he just stopped screwing up,
everything would be fine. Goku wasn’t crazy with anger anymore, just guilty,
tired, and sad. He didn’t want to feel like this again. It was no small miracle
that Sanzo was actually there, and Goku was pretty sure there weren’t that many
left. Sanzo had already had enough near-death experiences to give cats a run
for their money. Goku wasn’t going to let anything hurt Sanzo again.

Never
ever!

There was
a hushed rumbling, a weak and dry cough from smoking too many cigarettes, and
then Sanzo was snoring. Goku hadn’t heard Sanzo snore in years, well, not since
they had lived at the monastery, and now it was even worse than Gojyo’s. Goku
couldn’t help smiling, taking that as sign that things were going to be okay.
They hadn’t shared a bed since Sanzo had first found Goku and shown him h
st
star-filled night skies were utterly terrifying. Everything had been
frightening at first, but Sanzo had been there to watch him and soon he was
just simply thrwithwith the newfound freedom. He was the only one who got to be
so close to the High Priest, was allowed to stay in his room without a single
question and all protests from younger s sis silenced with a hard glare. It had
just been the way things were. At some point, Sanzo had decided that Goku had grown
up past sleeping with him and refused to share a set of sheets, roughly pushing
him out of the nest. Sanzo hadn’t said anything when Goku slept on the floor
next to him, or curled up on the foot of the bed like a pet-as long as he was
quiet and didn’t get in the way. He’d just be serious when they fought youkai,
making sure to cover Sanzo instead of playing with the ridiculously weak clans
they fought. Sanzo was healed and in one whole piece, and he was going to stay
that way! Goku would make sure of it now, was going to do everything right
from now on! He wanted the priest to wake up, yell at him, start smoking and
reading the newspaper like usual. He didn’t want Sanzo fainting again, wouldn’t
be able to take watching the blonde’s eyes roll up into the back of his head
before he fell down to the ground, hard.

Deciding
that Sanzo was fully asleep now, Goku snuck in closer to press a wet nose above
the man’s shoulder, just so relieved that he was alive. There wasn’t much to
hold onto, Sanzo being so amazingly thin for how bad tempered and violent he
could be. Goku was going to make sure that Sanzo ate a lot when he woke up, was
going to protect the monk with everything he had. Goku burrowed in deeper
against the taller blonde’s warmth, surprised Sanzo could feel so squishy and
cozy. It had been a long time since he’d been allowed to be this close, and
Sanzo had certainly been prickly about anyone seeing his skin lately. Goku knew
just how much this meant, and was sure that Sanzo wouldn’t allow Gojyo or Hakkai
to ever do the same, smiling to himself as he drifted off to sleep once
again.

* * *

Sanzo
found it almost impossible to hold back the curse on his lips when he woke up
in a strange bed entangled with another living being for the second time this
week, forgetting for a moment just he had ended up here. Except on this
occasion, Sanzo found himself waking up somewhat curled around Goku; crushing
the messy, strangely fluffy head close to his chest with one hand. This was
only marginally better than waking up with Gojyo, and that morning had
been a pleasant little preview of what hell must be like. Sanzo barely had
words beyond a string of ‘fuck, damn it,’ hissed out softly to keep from waking
up Goku. As if anything could really disturb Goku’s sleep, short of the whole
place falling down. The boy hadn’t woken up when Sanzo had first snuck into
this bed, so he could just do the same again, not about to end up having
to explain himself to that dumbass ape. He was High Priest Genjo fucking Sanzo!
He didn’t need to give reasons for anything he did, certainly not to those
servants following him. Didn’t need to tell them that he’d truly become numb
inside…

Sanzo bit
his lower lip, harder until his teeth finally broke skin and the tang of blood
helped him wake up. He didn’t mean to, but Sanzo found himself holding Goku
closer despite his newfound repugnance for human contact. Damn those youkai that
were hopefully nothing more than little pieces of ash after everything Sanzo
had been through, for instilling this newfound fear in him. Sanzo didn’t
do scared. But, he needed something to hold onto to keep from falling
apart when he remembered that painting. Gojyo had told him it had been burned,
but that didn’t erase the shame, the utter humiliation of seeing himself
portrayed in such a disgusting manner. Even worse, the only people who really
mattered had seen it. Goku had gone absolute fucking crazy after seeing it.
Sanzo should punch the ape one good just for having the goddamn audacity
to attack him, but at least the dumbass had had enough sense to knock Gojyo
into the wall. Still, that animal had broken his wrist, had…the skin on his
chest shuddered and crawled like a thing of its own underneath Goku’s face in
memory of that fatal blow. He should be dead.

He prayed
Kanzeon had nothing to do with this; couldn’t really remember the explanation
Gojyo had given him while they drank Sanzo hated it, would have been trying to
mutilate himself again as he had before Gojyo had interrupted it, except he was e wie with Goku…and he knew the stupid monkey would cry if he actually managed
to do something. Sanzo shook his head, trying not to think about all the times
he had been a bit too hard on the kid, on everyone. He didn’t need this,
just wanted to get this fucking mission done with, get back to the monastery,
and finally deal with everything that had built usideside him, not just from
this recent incident. Gojyo, Youkai, and the innocent people he hadn’t really
wanted to kill but had been forced to. Sanzo wasn’t about to hesitate when
something got in his way. He’d blow its fucking head off.

Sanzo
resisted the urge to scrub at his eyes, feeling dead tired in a way that wasn’t
physical at all, the faint threat of hangover the minute he decided to get out
of bed. Damn Gojyo for tricking him into drinking, keeping him from sulking
silently like usual, for being there when the storm had started in earnest.
Sanzo had been so caught up in the act that he’d completely forgotten about his
master’s death, being raped and left for dead by a band of third-rate youkai,
just filled up with a warm-

He had to
get out of this fucking bed. Sanzo was not going to contemplate how good
it felt to have a half-youkai bastard ruttietweetween his thighs. He didn’t
feel as raw as he did last night, so open and vulnerable after that
extremely regrettable consummation between him and Gojyo. Sanzo still couldn’t
even sort out how it had happened, if it had been the rain or the liquor or the
color of Gojyo’s eyes… but Sanzo certainly hadn’t felt a thing, nothing at all
on his part. No emotion what so-fucking-ever. Fool, fool, fool! Sanzo
railed at himself, for allowing anything to happen, for becoming so weak that
he had actually wanted it for one brief second…He refused to think back on the
complete loneliness he’d felt lying next to Gojyo in the cooling aftermath,
profound emptiness after the loss of bodily contact. There was nothing to ward
of the memories then, nothing to distract him from that sadistic hell he had
survived…from that fucking vile painting that youkai had dared create.
He needed a drink, and damn how early it was. Last night had been like walking
across broken glass; his ass and ego still hurting. He didn’t know what he was
going to say to Gojyo the next time he saw the redhead, but it wasn’t like he’d
be able to avoid the situation. Genjo Sanzo did not run or hide, and he’d
fucking kill the bastard if Gojyo thought to say anything smart. Hopefully they
could both chalk it up to too much alcohol and a string of really bad nights.

Slowly,
even though Goku was a notoriously heavy sleeper, Sanzo loosened his arms and
began to disengage himself from the poor boy. Just because he’d had a moment
weakness, a pathetic need for safe, simple human comfort, he had gone and snuck
up on the dumbass ape, of all people. He felt like a damn parasite, crawling up
into Goku’s blind trust and taking advantage of it. How was this any better
than what Gojyo had done to him? He managed to pull himself away from Goku and
escaping out from between the sheets without the idiot’s breathing even
changing. Sanzo liked to think that he was good at anything he did, but being
proud of sneaking out of a bed wasn’t any skill to be proud of unless he was
Gojyo. And that thing was a fucking imbecile.

“If you
say so,” Goku trailed off in a way that reminded him of Hakkai, like he knew
better but wasn’t about to say anything since he knew what a sensitive matter
his pride was. Sanzo glared at the boy’s back the whole way down the stairs and
into the familiar common room of the dark, ill-lit inn. He hated this shit
hole, not to mention the fact that he knew it well enough to simply nod to the
server taking back dirty dishes to alert her to his presence. He had managed to
make himself rather familiar with this inn, a thing that Sanzo never let happen
before. They were never supposed to stay in the same place for more than a
night or two at the most, the mission to head West needing to be completed
as soon as possibHe wHe wasn’t sure if would be able to stay sane otherwise,
most of the people eating this morning doing so in hopes of catching a glimpse
of him. Sanzo didn’t want to eat in front of these fucking morons, every
man and woman scattered around the tables and at the bar turning around to
stare at him in a hush. Goku was already rushing through the chairs and tables
to an empty seat, clearly trying to get to eating as soon as possible. There
couldn’t have been very many people here, but they were all eyeing him up and
down in such a way that Sanzo couldn’t help questioning if Gojyo had told him
the truth about that painting being burned.

Yes,
keeping staring at the High Priest. I’ll fucking kill you, Sanzo promised
each and every one of them, barely able to keep from slapping the few people he
passed to sit down at the table Goku had chosen, both of them on the same side.
He had to hiss and adjust his seat, unable to find anything comfortable but at
least a position that wasn’t painful before he felt eyes on him. Sanzo snapped
his head around over the ape’s head to frown at a small man with a fat, round
face gawking at him as if he was seeing a ghost. The second their gaze met, the
man immediately bowed his head and went back to eating his breakfast. Sanzo
tisked and looked down at Goku, who was just smiling and beaming up at him in
pure joy at the prospect of a meal. He couldn’t deal with that sort of
cheerfulness so early on such a horrible fucking morning, the din of pe
ea
eating and blathering uselessly scratching on his ears.

“Rough
night?” a girl’s voice asked politely, and Sanzo turned around to glare murder
at the waitress. “Uh, I mean, monk-Lord Priest Sanzo?” she floundered
around for a title proper enough to cover up her first, incredibly rude
question, her eyes darting away from his face. She fidgeted around, obviously
wanting to run but not able to do so to a High Priest. Sanzo couldn’t help but
wonder just how loud they had been last night. What if he didn’t even have to worry
about Gojyo or Hakkai talking about it when he’d already been screaming it out
during the act? Sanzo felt sick, remembering that he had been trying
desperately to keep from crying out. What if he hadn’t actually been able to
muffle himself as well as he thought he had? Sanzo had a hand covering one side
of his face before he even knew it, staring down at the top of the table in
horror as he frantically tried to recall exactly what had happened…and not
wanting to at the same time as he thought back to Gojyo’s face, the sound of
hitched panting while he was so gentl-

“Good
morning, Mei Li!” Goku greeting the girl merrily, breaking the tension that was
threatening to explode. Sanzo realized that this was the same girl who’d been
waiting on them the whole time they’d stayed here, but he hadn’t bothered to
remember her name. She nodded shakily, pale and not taking her eyes off Sanzo
for a second. It wasn’t as if he was going to attack her, unless he had a
reason…Sanzo sighed, running a hand through his hair to an audible gasp. Mei
Li’s eyes widened and for a moment Sanzo wondered what the fuck the stupid
bitch was gaping at when he realized that his chakra must be showing. She still
wasn’t used to seeing the mark of High Priest after he’d seen her plain
face just about once every time he’d been conscious? Sanzo pursed his lips in
distaste, knowing that he couldn’t slap a woman in public but not appreciating
her staring in the slightest.

“Sanzo’s
gonna eat breakfast today! Can we get some food? Bring one of everything to
start!” Goku rushed out gleefully. Sanzo just groaned and added a beer before
he allowed the girl to backtrack from their table and all but run to the
kitchen to place their order. He wasn’t so sure if he was hungry anymore,
nauseous with the thought of hisual ual life being public knowledge.
Thankfully, Gojyo was still sleeping it off, and Sanzo didn’t know if he should
be pleased or not. He still needed to find Hakkai and figure out just what the
hell the man had been thinking when he locked them in together. His life wasn’t
something to be toyed around with as others saw fit, and he wasn’t going to
admit that it had caused an opportunity he would have never had nor taken
before. Sanzo realized he was chewing on his thumbnail and tapping his heel on
the floor. Genjo Sanzo did not fucking fidget. He crossed his arms,
wishing he had his usual robes and could tuck his hands into the opposite
sleeves as he was accustomed to. Goku simply watched him with a vapid smile,
golden eyes blinking on something beyond him.

“Hey,
Hakkai!” Goku called onc once again being too loud this morning for Sanzo’s
hangover. He jerked his head in the opposite direction to instinctively save
his hearing, his eyes rolling over to their fellow traveling companion approaching
the table. Sanzo opened his mouth and found it stuck when Hakkai giggled and
wavered through the tables, nearly falling somehow miraculously catching his
balance at the last minute as he staggered back and forth. Hakkai’s hair was a
mess, his spectacle long gone and with his shirt opened and untucked. There was
a dull grin on his face, different from the mysterious smile he usually wore,
and bags under his eyes that told Sanzo in an instant that Hakkai hadn’t gone
to sleep last night.

“Saaan-chan,”
Hakkai slurred horribly as he tried to stand at the side of the table and was
failing miserable, the greeting ending in a loud burp. Sanzo felt his whole
face curl up in disgust, raising his hands up in stunned, shaking shock while
Goku giggled at the endearment. Just when had he thought of that name?! Not-
not even Gojyo would dream of addressing him like this! Sanzo shook his
head. Scratch that thought. When the hell did Hakkai get drunk?
Hakkai reeked, absolutely stank of alcohol. It took a little more than a
few shots to get Hakkai this tipsy, and there were few people who could keep up
even if the whole room took the brunette on. It was probably why the door had
been locked last night; a drunken prank on Hakkai’s part. Goku’s giggling
trailed off weakly as he noticed the look on Sanzo’s face while Hakkai just
collapsed drunkenly into the chair opposite on him.

“You’re
drunk. You’re fucking shit-faced,” Sanzo growled, waiting eagerly for the
chance to kill the bastard. Hakkai’s head lifted up after some effort, his eyes
blearily focusing on Sanzo’s face. Sanzo did not lean back, did not look away,
just narrowed his gaze until in the hope all his murderous thoughts would
actually reach something. Goku whispered a meek ‘good morning’ at Sanzo’s
elbow, ignored by the both of them in favor of this staring match. Hakkai
dropped first, simply too inebriated to hold his head still for that long. He’d
probably gotten so trashed because he knew that Sanzo was going to hold out on
his punishment until Hakkai was sober enough to truly appreciate it.

“I
thou-t…youz ‘n go…Gojyo,” Hakkai tried to force out more, smacking dry lips and
concentrating hard on pronunciation. Sanzo took a sharp breath in through his
nose, trembling with the urge for violence, for fast and sudden retribution,
but unsure how to even start. It was hard to breathe around the rage
that consumed him at Hakkai being bold enough to speak about his personal life!
Sanzo would most certainly not have people talking about him fooling
around with some half-breed. He was the High Priest! Did nobody understand
thatp>
p>

“Yeah,
where is Gojyo? Is that stupid cockroach lost in someone’s bed?” Goku joked,
obviously trying to distract Sanzo from committing murder before noon. He
didn’t know just what he was making a crack about, both Sanzo and Hakkai
turning to stare at the dumbass ape. Did…did he really not have a single
damn clue about what had happened, or was Goku playing stupid? Sanzo couldn’t
tell, didn’t know if he should be taking offense or not. He was already too
preoccupied with Hakkai hiccupping and giggling like a fucking dolt in front of
him; arms limp at his sides, obviously not going to be able to stand up by
himself. The chair was probably the only thing that was keeping him conscious.
Sanzo still didn’t feel pity for Hakkai, more pissed off than anything else at
the man, Goku’s mocking echoing in his ears.

“Yeah,
do-do you know where Gojyo is, Sanzo?” Hakkai sang in a strange high-pitch that
he had never heard the man’s voice go before. The way Hakkai said it made Sanzo
almost want to wait for the brunette to sober up before he punished the man for
having the impudence to speak to him so. He would want Hakkai to be fully aware
when Sanzo tore him a new one. He couldn’t go into the full details of it, not
in front of all these people and Goku, but Hakkai seemed to think that he could
yell about High Priest Genjo Sanzo’s sex life to this common room.

“I have
better things to do than keep track of you damn idiots! Shut your fucking
mouth, Hakkai,” Sanzo snapped back, slamming both hands down on the table to
drive his point home. Goku jumped in his seat next to him, squeaking and
smiling weakly as he started to sweat. Sanzo didn’t even look beyond the
dumbass ape to know by his skin crawling, fine hairs on the back of his neck
lifting up as Sanzo felt eyes upon him. At least it had grown quiet, the
irritating scrape of silverware paused for a moment. Sanzo was revoltingly
satisfied at still being able to scare these people and the ape, and greatly
disappointed when Hakkai just sneered back as he thumbed his ear. Sanzo
couldn’t help chewing on his lip in frustration, realizing just how lucky they
were that Hakkai still had his demon limiters on. The arrogant bastard just
seemed to think that Sanzo was making some sort of joke, grinning and leaning
back in his chair as he regarded Sanzo with a superiority he did not have
the right to. Sanzo so desperately wanted to start screaming at Hakkai for
locking him in the same room as an overly sexed youkai half-breed that had, in
a rare show of good taste, not fucked Sanzo while he had been
unconscious. No, Gojyo had waited and made sure Sanzo had been awake and aware
for each excruciating second.