Nightshift

Nightshift
Remembrance

A graveyard was one of the places Ritsuko Akagi hated the most.

With that in mind, it was no wonder she found herself hating this entire week. Not just because of all the funerals taking place but also because she knew most, if not everyone, that was being buried.

Thankfully, today was the last day the services would be taking place and, after this depressing event, everyone would be getting their lives back on track. In a few minutes, the last funeral would be taking place and this would be the last of them for now.

Like they were unaware of that fact, people were starting to leave already.

Ritsuko simply continued to stand still as the small group of survivors of the attack started to leave. It wasn’t surprising they were leaving given that dark clouds were gathering in the sky but it was more likely they were leaving for another reason.

It was no shock to her that people didn’t want to be at Gendo’s funeral.

Besides being a scheming bastard, Gendo Ikari was one of the people she, utterly and without question, hated. He used her. He used not only her mind to assist in Project E but he also used her body.

She tried.

Ritsuko tried hard to love him but that emotionless shell of a man only made her waste her efforts. She was glad that she killed him and it pleased her that she did it right before he achieved his goal.

As she predicted earlier, the first few drops of rain started to fall and no one was present.

Her sharp eyes noticed someone standing alone before she was about to turn around and leave with the rest of remaining staff. Despite the drops of rain somewhat clouding her vision, she could make out the shady figure of the only pilot still alive.

From this distance, she couldn’t be too sure if that was him or not. It was fair to deduce he would probably be the only person to come… but, at the same time, it would make perfect sense that he wouldn’t considering his relationship with his father.

No matter how he viewed his father, Shinji was the sole reason everyone who survived the initial attack managed to stay alive. She didn’t know how Misato did it but she got him to pilot and that was exactly what he did.

He defeated the Mass Production series and killed a good third of the soldiers positioned inside the GeoFront. At the end of the carnage Unit 01 stood with spears stuck in most of its torso and with the Lance of Longinus wedged in its eye. Luckily, the Defense Force, overwhelmed by the number of loses they suffered, were forced to retreat before they could carry out their mission of completely destroying NERV.

Unit 01 still stood in the same exact spot in the broken remains of the GeoFront to this day.

Brandishing her umbrella, she curiously moved towards the boy who watched the ashes get placed in the ground.

Not surprisingly, it was Shinji. Dressed in a black suit, the former pilot watched the remains of his father start to get buried. The man finished his task of putting the ashes in the ground as fast as he could and hurriedly got up to seek shelter from the rain that was now pouring down.

Seemingly unaffected by the downpour, Shinji stared at the grave as Ritsuko approached.

Neither said anything as she positioned the umbrella so that the rain wouldn’t further drench him. Despite the fact that her shoulder was getting wet, she silently stood beside the boy as he stared down at all that was left of his father.

“I… didn’t know him.” He finally said after a few minutes, “That’s why I can’t cry.”

Ritsuko was never a sentimental person. She always dealt with people like she had to and nothing more but her idle glance at the black eyepatch forced her to say something, “He’s not someone you have to cry for.”

She didn’t know she said the wrong thing until she turned to Shinji who looked more troubled than he was before, “He was supposed to be…”

The rain continued to fall relentlessly on the umbrella as the two stood under it in silence.

Shinji was right. Gendo was supposed to be a lot of things. Like a father, like a leader, like… a lover but all he did was further the means by which he would one day attain the selfish goal he desired.

“Yea…” She stated before taking her eyes off Shinji and looking down at the grave before them.

“Is… Is Misato doing alright?” Shinji quietly asked giving her the much needed change of subject.

As a doctor and as one of the people he saved, Shinji deserved the honest truth and she was going to tell him like he deserved to hear it.

“Shinji,” She addressed the boy before turning back towards him, “Misato is dying.” Ritsuko bluntly stated.

His guardian was in the worst condition after the attack. Besides the mechanics who encountered the soldiers, Misato sustained the worst injuries. Her condition was so bad that she didn’t permit Shinji to see her. It was amazing that she managed to live for these whole two weeks but it still hurt to see one of her only friends hurt so badly.

Shinji’s fingers brushed across his lips after she mentioned the state Misato was in.

“She also said she’s thankful that you piloted.” Ritsuko added as she held the umbrella.

That was a lie. Misato was in no condition to even move. Even if it was indirectly, she was certain that was something that her fatally injured friend would want to say and that it would be good for Shinji to hear it.

“Misato too…”

Shinji couldn’t describe how he felt. The only description that could come close was a dull sorrow, a great sadness that made his heart ache but, at the same time, couldn’t bring tears to his eyes.

It made sense though.

Like the coward he was, he was now worst than before. At least he used to be able to deal with his emotions but, now, he had to suppress them in fear of what would happen if he didn’t. The spineless boy who used to be able to cry was now a spineless bastard who couldn’t even shed tears for the people closest to him.

If he was low before, then he was now looking up to see the bottom.

It was almost funny. For him to be one of the only people who survived the attack was almost a joke. It had to be someone’s sick joke that he survived while some of the people he called friends were dead.

That wasn’t even the worst part about it.

If being left alive wasn’t bad enough, he was also a murderer. In addition to Asuka’s, and eventually, Misato’s death, he also slaughtered the troops stationed inside the GeoFront. Still… That wasn’t big news seeing that he was a murderer every since Touji died.

Shinji looked up at the doctor as she moved to get closer to him. Her unintentional contact nearly made him jump but he managed to restrain himself when he noticed she was simply trying to keep both of them dry in the downpour.

Unlike Misato or Asuka, Ritsuko’s beauty came from not only her looks but the air of class that surrounded her. Even if she was seemed a bit cold sometimes, she was always professional about everything… except Rei’s origins but that was beside the fact.

One thing that always attracted Shinji to Ritsuko was her legs.

He could recall many times when he had to forcefully take his eyes away from her sexy, long legs before someone pointed out he was staring. Even now, his eyes were looking at her legs thanks to the black, low cut dress she was wearing.

“Shinji,” Ritsuko narrowed her eyes, “What are you staring at?”

His head snapped back up, “Uh… The rain…”

She sighed. Even if he was their savior, he was still a terrible liar. Thankfully, for Shinji’s sake, she let it slide since she had a question, “What are you going to do now?”

“What am I going to do now…?” Shinji echoed her.

He looked down and realized that he honestly never thought about life after Evangelion, “I… I don’t know.”

Ritsuko nodded, “That’s reasonable given your age but NERV won’t be around forever to reimburse us. Anyway, I was talking about the present.” She said before switching the umbrella to her other hand.

“Oh, I was going back to the apartment.”

“You were thinking of walking back to the apartment in already drenched clothes?”

“Well-“

“Forget it,” Ritsuko cut him off again, “Come on. We don’t have a reason to stay here anymore.” She voiced as the rain continued to steady fall.

Shinji slowly turned around and started to follow the doctor, “Where are we going?”

“First we have to get you into something dry before you catch cold… and I know you haven’t been eating well recently.”

Ritsuko’s shrewd brown eyes unnerved him. It was like she knew exactly what he was thinking and could see right through him. He wouldn’t be surprised if she already had a response to what he was about to say.

He matched her pace as they walked towards her car, “I just haven’t been hungry lately.”

“That’s not surprising but that doesn’t mean you just don’t anything Shinji,” Ritsuko folded up her umbrella and pulled out her car keys, “The door is already open.”

~*~

Shinji bent over and looked at one of Ritsuko’s cats. He heard a lot about the doctor’s cats from Misato but this was the first time he ever actually saw them for himself. There couldn’t be more than five but, thanks to how Ritsuko kept them, it wasn’t as hectic as his guardian made it sound.

Even from where he stood, he could here his sports coat tumbling in her dryer. His dress shirt was only slightly damp so he choose to keep the rest of his clothes on even if Ritsuko said it was better if he just threw them in with the coat and took a shower in the mean time.

The brown kitten purred as the pilot scratched it behind the ear, “I guess this is alright since it hasn’t scratched me yet…”

A slight smile started to appear on his face when the kitten rolled over on its back and started to softly paw at his hand. Suddenly, another cat appeared and playfully pounced on top of the kitten. Taking delight in seeing such a light-hearted scene, he almost missed the faint scent coming from the kitchen.

The kitchen was right in front of him basically so it was easy to see exactly what she cooking from the doorway. It wasn’t as big a kitchen as the one he was used to at Misato’s apartment but, compared to the overall size of her small apartment, it big enough.

The sight that met his eyes wasn’t at all a familiar one.

Ritsuko stood in front of a chopping board and was quickly dicing onions. With complete concentration on the knife in hand, she brought the sharp blade down on the vegetable until it was fully cut into the way she was wanted.

She lifted the board and slid the onion into the pot on the stove. It was then that his eyes trailed to the oven where something was certainly baking causing the room to smell so good.

Shinji couldn’t deny it.

Ritsuko was, more than likely, a better cook than him.

“Can you reach into the refrigerator and get me a green pepper?”

“S-Sure,” He stuttered, surprised that she noticed him, “Anything else?”

“Good thing you asked,” The fake blonde reached a spoon into the pot and brought it to her lips, “It’s something I want to talk to you about.”

Normally, that was something she would only say in relation to his piloting but, now, it was a completely different matter at hand. While he fished around for the bell pepper, she took a deep breath, “Shinji, would you like to live with me?”

He nearly dropped the bell pepper, “Huh?”

“It was the last thing Misato asked me to do but I won’t pressure you into doing it.” Ritsuko stopped chopping and turned to look at Shinji who stared back at her.

“She said that…?”

“Yes.”

Shinji placed what she wanted on the counter and thought about it, “Okay but…”

She took the pepper and started chopping, “But?”

“The next time you see her, can you tell Misato,” In obvious distress, he placed his hand on his face and looked at the floor, “That I love her.”

A pang of envy hit Ritsuko. To this very day, no one has ever said they loved her and meant it. Foggy memories of a couple of one night stands were the only intimate moments she could recall besides time spent with the commander and none of those had anything to do with love.

Friendship was nothing but a sugary word to describe associations that were common and none of the people she could call ‘friends’ were on her side. Not even her mother loved her. When everything was fun, people from all around wanted to smile with you but, when things couldn’t get any worse, she was alone in her misery.

At the root of her despair was a single man. The first person to say they loved her but didn’t mean it in the least. Gendo Ikari was one person she was glad she shot dead.

With her concentration broken by her train of thought, Ritsuko loosened her grip on the knife too much and put a shallow cut on her finger. It didn’t take long for blood to start flowing but she simply stared at the wound.

“Where do you keep the Band-Aids?” Shinji asked quickly upon noticing she hurt herself.

“I don’t have anything like that here.”

It was the truth. She rarely came home and that was only to feed her cats and change clothes. Everything she once needed was still at NERV. Mundane things like bandages weren’t needed since she didn’t make mistakes like this.

Shinji’s hand gently lifted her wrist and brought her finger closer to his face, “I’m glad it’s not serious…” He said before licking the trickle of blood off her finger.

Immediately, she snatched her hand back, “W-What are you doing!?” She asked, her blush turning into a deeper shade as she realized that he did indeed just lick her finger.

“Sorry,” He turned his attention to the knife and started dicing the bell pepper, “It’s what I do when I cut myself.”

“D-Don’t be naïve! People don’t do things like that to each other!” Ritsuko exclaimed with her face still flushed with color.

Shinji nodded as he muttered another apology and only made the situation more awkward than it was.

Ritsuko was not the type of person to be embarrassed. Her scientific outlook on matters made her take a lot of things in stride. Still, even with her cool logic, it was hard to dismiss it like nothing happened.

The fake blonde shook her head as she regained her composure, “You don’t have to apologize. It’s just, well, you don’t want to be licking old women do you?”

“You’re not old.”

The doctor nodded, “I’m glad you- Wait… you know how old I am?”

Shinji nodded, “Yea, Misato told me.”

Ritsuko gasped and Shinji chuckled. His guardian didn’t tell him her age but instead informed him of how sensitive she was about it. He was teasing her but it was better than seeing the gloomy expression she had on her face when she was staring at the cut on her finger.

The rest of the day continued with small jokes and brief conversations over the beef stew that Ritsuko claimed was her best dish despite the fact that it was the only one she knew how to make.

Shinji learned a lot from speaking to her. He found out that she dyed her hair because she didn’t want to be like her mother and he also discovered little things about the doctor. For example, she liked playing cards and that she liked naming her cats.

Ritsuko knew a lot of things about Shinji in the first place seeing that she used to be in charge of his health but she never until now bothered to ask about the things he liked to do or anything of that nature.

In a single day, Shinji found out more things about Ritsuko than he did the entire time he was a pilot but Ritsuko noticed something he attempted to keep a secret.

“…and Misato used to stack the empty cans up as high as she could until Pen-pen knocked them down.”

Ritsuko placed her spoon in the bowl and looked at Shinji, “You talk about Misato a lot.” She said, still recalling what he wanted her to say to the Major.

“Yea,” Shinji pushed his spoon around in the almost empty bowl, “I… I miss her and everyone else too.”

That everyone else didn’t even begin to include the sheer number of people that died in the attack. Even people like the vice-commander and various people who worked in Central Dogma like Maya met there end in the hail of bullets.

Again, the doctor wasn’t a person to tip toe around a subject but she would have to take her time in getting what she wanted from him, “How did she get you to pilot? The reports said you were… unstable.”

“She told me everyone would die if I didn’t so…”

She didn’t mean to press him so hard but she was extremely curious, “Shinji, what exactly was your relationship with Misato?

Shinji’s navy eye stared at the older woman in front of him. Ever so slightly, his sight focused on her side before shifting back to her, “S-She was just my guardian…”

Ritsuko narrowed her eyes before lifting the glass of water to her lips.

It was easy to see that he was only telling half of the truth. Everyone knew that she was his guardian, but there were signs that she was much more than that to him. Before she could even pose the question, Shinji lifted up his and her bowl and headed to the sink with them in hand.

“Thank you for making dinner,” He quickly said before rushing out of the kitchen.

The blonde nearly laughed when she heard him almost trip over one of the cats but her eyes were locked on the small cut on her index finger, “Tell Misato that you love her huh?” She whispered before leaning back in her chair.

~*~

“I should have at least got my SDAT from the apartment…”

Lying down on Ritsuko’s couch wasn’t uncomfortable or anything like that. It was just that the patter of the rain against the window always reminded him of bad things. Ironically, he liked watching rain it was just that the sound bothered him.

Shinji yawned before rubbing his eyes.

It also made it hard to fall asleep.

The rain; however, was the further thing from his mind at the moment. Still, the weather outside mirrored his bleak thoughts about his life in general.

Most of the people he knew here were dead. All of them probably had bright futures ahead of them whereas he had no direction at all. Why did he survive when others deserved to live way more than he did?

Shinji sighed as he dangled his eye patch in front his face, “Maybe I should have died…”

A murderer didn’t deserve a future.

It was no wonder he was crying.

Idly, Shinji reached to rub his eyes until he noticed in his drowsy mind that he wasn’t crying. Sitting up, he again heard a sob and knew that it could only be coming from one person.

Slipping his shoes back on, he made his way through the dark apartment towards Ritsuko’s room and peaked inside. It was hard to make out but, as his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he could see the older woman crying into her pillow. Even though she was softly crying, the sound could easily be heard in the near silent apartment.

Watching her, Shinji felt an odd sense of déjà vu.

Just like the woman before him, he was crying alone in the lonely misery that surrounded him. That was when Misato first came into his room. Even now, the memory of the entire event was hard to recall but something he knew for sure was that he made a grave mistake that he regretted to this day.

His guardian was there for him when he needed her, but, when she needed someone the most, he retreated to his room and placed a pillow over his head.

The blonde didn’t notice him enter her room and continued to cry as he neared her bed. Squeezing the pillow with her arms, she buried her face in it after another sob escaped her lips.

Shinji gulped. The question wasn’t if he should ignore her or not now, it was what should he do? Taking a deep breath, he moved to the edge of the bed, “Miss Akagi…”

She didn’t respond but instead buried her face deeper into the pillow. Not knowing if she noticed his presence and just decided to ignore him or if she was trying harder to keep her painful cries from being heard, Shinji quickly realized that just calling out to her wouldn’t result in anything.

Warily, he reached out and touched her back.

The former pilot could feel his heart thumping in his chest as she her crying abruptly cease. Ritsuko slowly withdrew her head from the pillow and turned towards the side of the bed.

“Shinji…”

The doctor blinked the rest of the tears out of eyes before looking up.

Shinji, his eyepatch left on the couch, looked down at her as he pulled his hand away. Even though he was staring at her with the eye he didn’t want anyone to see, her mind was not on the vermillion eye that shared the same concern as the navy blue one.

Again, he was witness to her weakness.

This wasn’t like the incident with the truth behind Rei.

This time she was both emotionally and physically drained and she knew that if she kept her secret any longer that she was going to break mentally as well…

Shinji broke eye contact with her.

He never saw anyone look so vulnerable.

Ritsuko was always so professional about the way she dressed and looked so, when his eyes fell on her disheveled hair, puffy red eyes, and the way the strap of her nightgown loosely stayed on her arm, the least he could do was spare her the shame from being seen in such a way.

“I didn’t mean to bother you, I-“

“I killed him.” She gripped the pillow tighter, “I killed him and Rei.”

He couldn’t hide the shock at hearing her admission. Still, even though he knew fully well who she was referring to, he couldn’t bring himself to say anything as before she continued.

“I hated both of them,” She whispered as she laid back down knowing she fully had his attention, “He was only concerned with his own ambition. I didn’t care if he used me… I just wanted to be useful but he still put her before me.”

“I miss him though…” She held back her tears, “I miss everyone.”

More than anything else she was lonely.

All the people she used to laugh with were either gone or about to be and she killed the man she loved with her own hands. Nearly every night, she cried and tried to pretend she wasn’t. She successfully managed to fool herself sometimes but, in her heart, she knew that she falling deeper and deeper into despair.

Why did she deserve this?

Of course she wasn’t the friendliest person around, but she was just like any other woman. All she wanted was the occasional compliment and someone that loved her not because she was a scientist or because her dedication to her work.

As the tears started to come again, she felt sick.

“Ritsuko…”

She didn’t want him to see her like this but she still turned towards him. She was about to ask him to leave until she opened her eyes and found his face directly in front of hers.

Ritsuko was about to pull away until he kissed her.

The reasons why she was crying faded away as his tongue slid across her lips causing them to part. Ritsuko felt his tongue enter her mouth and, although stunned, allowed him to continue.

Though it was sudden, it was nowhere near being forceful evident by the fact that he gradually let her keep up with his pace. As he managed to get on the bed while they extended the kiss, Ritsuko’s mind was on fire.

The questions regarding why he was kissing her was disregarded the moment their lips met but, even if it was starting to feel good, she knew that she had to stop this before they took it any further.

Her honest intentions were lost when his hand slipped into her nightgown.

With his tongue roaming the regions of her mouth and his hand massaging her breast, Ritsuko’s mind traveled to a place where right and wrong didn’t exist.

Shinji gently pinched her nipple as he broke the kiss and she softly moaned before he returned to tenderly groping her. Ritsuko made no motion to stop him as he started to lick her.

The bare sensation that came from his tongue sliding up and down the side of her neck while his hands caressed her was more than enough to make her feel hot. She could feel the thin trail of saliva left he left and, when he started to follow the trail with soft, brief kisses, she knew that it was no stopping it.

That was perfectly fine seeing that she didn’t want him to.

For the first time, someone was being delicate with her.

Again, he pinched her erect nipple. Not hard enough to hurt, but just enough to please her.

Being patient…

The kisses stopped and she was unsure of what he was going to do next until she felt his teeth sink into her skin. It couldn’t even be consider a bite seeing that he didn’t even leave any marks.

Taking it slow…

She shuddered as he licked the tender flesh that he just removed his teeth from.

Caring…

Shinji slightly squeezed her breast as he caressed her side through the satin of her nightgown. He stopped but only to slide the thin straps of her gown down her arms causing her breast to be fully exposed.

As he started to unbutton his shirt, she didn’t dare say anything. If she by chance even voiced any logical reason of why’s and how’s that came to mind then surely this dream was end.

With his clothes pilled on the side of the bed, Shinji leaned forward and lick the erect nub that her nipple. Ritsuko bit her lip to stifle the sound that nearly escaped her lips as he again licked before taking it into his mouth.

Unlike the hickey he more than likely made on her neck, he sucked just enough for her to even feel it. The wet seal of his lips and the way his tongue twirled around the areola were making her feel good but, when his hand arrived at the junction of her legs, she felt better.

She knew she needed this and, more importantly, wanted it.

He pressed his finger into her panties and she couldn’t hold back the low whimper that resulted because of his act.

Shinji removed her mouth from her breast and scuffled backwards until his head was around her raised knees. His head moved closer and closer to the apex of her legs. Still feeling the moisture he left on her breast, she could barely contain herself when she felt his breath on the damp folds of her sex.

With her panties pushed to the side, he could see her glistening slit but he took no motion. He simply stared and it was making her hot. He was close enough that she could feel every exhale and she knew that he could smell her excitement.

And it stayed like that…

Shinji didn’t move and the anticipation of what he was going to do next was making her sweat. This was so different than what she was used to. She was accustomed to it being fast, rough, and hard but he was in no haste and that alone made it better than any experience before.

He moved and, before she knew it, she felt his dick entering her.

Despite the abruptness, he slowly slid his length into her with pulled it all the way out. He lifted her leg and placed it over his shoulder before he entered her. By now, Ritsuko was far from caring about anything other herself and Shinji.

She clenched the sheets as the feeling started to engulf her. Shutting her eyes in order to better savor the raw pleasure of his entire length gradually filling her, she only had one plea.

“Faster…” She finally begged, breaking the silence that eclipsed them, “P-Please…”

Ritsuko was more vulnerable now than ever before.

It was evident who was in control… If he wanted to, he could just get up and leave her alone. Someone like her didn’t get any say in what happened.

His sudden change of pace told her otherwise.

Tightening his grip on her leg, his hips moved quicker than before. Like every thrust had more meaning than the last, he drove his dick into her until everything was a blur to her. Every time his pelvis met hers, his balls would slap against her and her breast would bounce but Ritsuko wasn’t aware of any of that.

As her vaginal walls clamped down on him, the only thing she could focus on was her release, no, her escape.

She arrived in euphoria.

It was a place made of pleasure. Nothing tangible, practical, or logical… It was simply an embrace of feeling. It was a small escape from the harsh reality she lived in and Ritsuko accepted it with open arms.

The best part about it was that he was still going.

Shinji was still pounding into her as fast as he could and she was loving every second of it but, seeing that he still didn’t reach his peak, she had to show him why more experienced women were better.

She moved and Shinji could tell from the look in her eyes that she wanted to do something else. Confused, he pulled out and Ritsuko turned over. The question to what she was doing was answered when she pulled her panties down and lifted her ass in the air.

Unlike the events before, this was new to him but he still had a general idea of what to do. Placing his on her back, he used his other hand to guide himself closer. He somehow managed to slip the tip of penis into the tight knot that was her anus.

Slowly submerging himself deeper before withdrawing only to enter her again, Shinji was trying to make the process feel as good for her as possible and she appreciated that more than anything else.

With a low grunt, Shinji put both of his hands at her thin waist and finally inserted all of his length into her. The tightness that surrounded his shaft was making it hard to keep himself under control but he continued nonetheless.

Ritsuko chewed on her lip as his pace steadily started to change.

He knew exactly how she wanted it and he gave it to her.

Their sweat covered bodies once again met as he slammed into her fast enough to elicit sounds of all kinds from her mouth. His quick, but not rough, thrusts were again pushing her to the edge.

“S-so… good...” Ritsuko barely got out.

Suddenly, he stopped and she could feel his warm semen spurt inside of her. It was enough to bring her to another orgasm better than the last if only because he came with her.

As her senses returned, she realized that Shinji was lying next to her.

She wanted to know but the remorseful eyes that stared at her answered so many of her questions that she didn’t need to ask.

She felt free.

Not only did he know her secrets but, now, he also knew her body. She needed someone and he allowed her to confide in him. Ritsuko wasn’t a foolish woman. She knew that he didn’t love her but that was much better than saying he did and lying about it.

Ritsuko wrapped her arms around Shinji and buried his head in her chest.

More than anyone, Shinji understood her and that’s what mattered most because, even someone like her, who didn’t understand love, knew compassion when she received it.

For once, her dreams had nothing to do with her mother or Gendo Ikari…

~*~

The sunlight filtered through the only window in the room and it just so happened to land on her face. Turning her head awake from the light, Ritsuko opened her eyes. Judging from the rays of light entering her room from the blinds, the weather must have changed to the same extent of her mood.

Yesterday she was just as gloomy about the dark clouds that drifted above but, today, she felt refreshed. She sat up and because of the state of her gown and the bed she remembered what transpired last night.

She turned to her side to see if Shinji was still sleep only to discover he wasn’t even there.

Immediately, she panicked.

Was it wrong? Did he hate her? Why was he gone? Was he still here? Was he scared of her? Did he think she was dirty?

Questions assaulted her from every direction can continued to do so until one of her cats screeched as the door opened. Humming a song, Shinji walked in completely dressed with a tray in hand. Looking closer, she could see that he made breakfast for her.

He placed the tray in her lap and then adjusted his eyepatch, “Sorry… For letting you see it. It bothers people so I try to-“

“It didn’t bother me.” Ritsuko quickly admitted, blushing as she picked up the chopsticks from the tray. Even if she wasn’t used to seeing people with eyes that were different from each other, something she wasn’t used to at all was general kindness, much less breakfast in bed.

His relationship with Misato was clear now.

It was obvious he wasn’t a virgin and he knew how to pleasure a woman. She knew that the raven-haired woman didn’t want to see Kaji anymore but turning to her charge to get what she wanted was…

‘Was what?’ Ritsuko thought as she bit into the toast.

Indecent? Morally wrong?

The blonde turned to Shinji who was busy playing with of the kittens. He smiled as the kitten rolled over and gave him a look that asked it to scratch its stomach.

If Misato was wrong, what was she? Evil?

“Shinji, I’m sorry about the things I told-“

It was his turn to cut her off, “It’s okay. It made you feel better didn’t it?”

“Yea,” She turned away from him, “Don’t… Don’t you hate me now?”

She honestly wouldn’t be surprised if he said yes. Not only did she reveal Rei’s secret to him, she killed his father and Rei herself. It would be chance she wouldn’t feel as bad if it was out of self defense but she killed both of them in cold blood and would have followed if she didn’t use the bullet she was going to use on herself on Rei.

“I don’t hate you at all…” Shinji lifted the kitten up with both hands, “To be honest, I like you. I don’t really have anywhere to go and you are allowing me to stay with you.”

“I think you’re a better person than me…” The former pilot placed the cat back on the ground, “At least you can cry for the people you killed.” Despite how it sounded, the statement contained no malice in the least.

Ritsuko moved the tray off her lap and hugged Shinji from behind. Again, she was doing something she wasn’t used to but that didn’t matter since it came from the heart.

“You’re not like me. You did what you had to,” Shinji sunk into her heartfelt embrace as she spoke, “You were just trying to protect everyone.”

If that was the case then he failed horribly. Still, her touch and kind words were enough to make him feel better.

“I understand though…” Shinji said as a sad smile started to form on his face. He knew exactly how she felt. That extreme sense of guilt that made you so sick that you were scared to eat, how empty you felt after you realize that you stole someone’s future with your own hands, the striking pain that came from looking at what remained of your victims… Shinji was familiar with all of it.

That was one of the many reasons Misato was important to him. She understood and helped him cope with it even if he didn’t help her with her problems…

That’s the reason why he knew the importance of being there when someone needed you the most. That was the reason why he piloted and that was the reason he entered Ritsuko’s room. Of course, he couldn’t promise to completely relieve her of all her fears and problems but he could still help as much as he could.

Shinji reached up and touched her hands that held him so close, “Because I’m a murderer too…”

~Fin

Author’s note: I liked this chapter more than I thought I would.

Anyway, I like the way I wrote Ritsuko even if she may come off as out of character. I was going to write an extra scene at the end where they go and visit Misato but that would only add more angst and take the focus away from Ritsuko.

Shinji was alright in this chapter. I had to go back and edit a lot of the stuff he said though since it gave off the wrong feel though. For example, when Ritsuko asked if he hated her I wrote him saying that he didn’t dislike her that he was a bit sad/angry that she killed Rei.

I think, by this time, that Shinji would be the type of person that just adapts to things and handles them accordingly. Saying something like, “Well, I don’t hate you but I’m not cool with the fact you killed Rei” doesn’t exactly make people happy and I felt his response was pretty good for the Shinji in this chapter.

If I remember correctly, I think it's a saying that a person with a mole under their eye is destined to live a life filled with sorrow or something like that.

I’ll edit any terrible mistakes I see later.