Furuba no Hinansho

Kinyuu 9

I heard Yuki call my name but I didn’t stop. It was all too much. What was happening to me?, I thought as I ran off. Journal, I’ve never felt like this before. Before, all the rat meant to me was a way to avenge the cat spirit and get into the Sohma house. I always thought he looked pretty but I never really felt attracted to him.... at least not this much. I mean, I never woke up hard at night aching from a dream with him where....enough details. I never felt need like this. In fact I’ve always distanced myself from others, believing I didn’t need anyone. If I didn’t need anyone than I would always be in control of my life. That way no one would be able to hurt me. But I can see that I’ve grown weak and it’s because of Tohru. How else could I let Yuki affect me so unless I was weakened and who else here has tried to open me up? But I don’t blame her. It’s my fault for agreeing to this bet in the first place.

At last I ended at my destination....deep in the woods. I had to think and I knew that Yuki wouldn’t come out this far. It was a place I had often went to seek refuge when I was younger, just outside the Sohma House....a cave. I tried to settle my thoughts, tell myself that nothing changed but I knew it was a lie. Even now I still can see the look on his face when I leaned down close to him with all my desire evident in my eyes and he raised his head to kiss me. Even now, the memory of his face when he screamed my name in ecstasy makes me tremble with need. I came to grips with my feelings. I could deny it no longer....I wanted Yuki. I wanted him with a passion. I resigned myself to just enjoying the game as it played itself out. I knew he wanted me and he would have me, but only in that sense. I’m determined to at least keep one thing from being taken, my heart. No matter what he took from me he’d never have my love. I won’t let him take that too. I would benefit from this bet too. He would get my body and I would finally slack this fire. Then I would be able to go back to hating him once more. But I have to hold out until then. I won’t let him think I’m easy...



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Journal, this is the 10th time I’ve woken up in the night to a Yuki dream but this time I woke up to an unpleasant surprise. I was in my dream and....well...I was pleading for Yuki to take me because I was dying for release when suddenly I felt it. Someone stroking me... pumping me... easing the tightness.... I thought it was still part of my dream (I really hope it was), and maybe it was, but when I finally woke to my release I realized that I wasn’t alone. There standing at my bedside was Ayame with a triumphant grin on his face (how and when he got in the house is a mystery), licking a finger and over near the door was a seething Yuki. What time and for what reason they came in my room was also a mystery but I knew that they knew who I was dreaming about. I’m pretty sure I shouted Yuki’s name aloud. I was embarrassed so I covered it up with anger. \"What are you two doing in my room!,\" I hissed. Ayame slyly replied, \"Oh I was just helping someone come...back in their bed\" as he turned to Yuki with a smirk. \"I guess my job is done.\" he announced as he sashayed out the room. Now Yuki looked livid. For some reason he decided to direct that anger at me and I was happy to retaliate.