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Tokio Love Monogatari	By : kamorgana Category: Rurouni Kenshin > General Views: 4092 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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- 9
Disclaimer: standard disclaimers apply. RK belongs to Watsuki but the plot, ideas, OCs and text are *mine*.
Tokio Love Monogatari
Epilogue: The Edge of Reason

It�s been three winters since the Yakuza Wedding Extravaganza, and tonight is a nice evening with snow falling outside. I�m having a hot wine in my apartment after I finished typing my next editorial. I�m in a Peace and Love mood, and thankfully nobody is there to witness this shameful state.
The phone rings and I let the answering machine play. As I guessed, it�s Megumi who tells me to ignore her previous message that she�s divorcing Sano (though they still aren�t married legally). The Rabid Rabbits quarrel less than before since they have Little Bunny, but their relationship will never be a quiet one. We came to think that they actually love to argue with each other as much as they argue with each other, and I stopped worrying about a Return of the Killer Whale in my apartment long ago. Sano takes care of the kid during the day and when Megumi works late she just picks Junior at Sweet Revenge before going home. Ah, the baby�s name? My mind was so blank after witnessing the Alien-like thing that they dare call �the miracle of life� (Yumi should take lessons of excellent PR on this one, though personally I would sue the responsible for misleading advertisement) that I couldn�t come up with a name. In the meanwhile, everybody had taken the habit to call him Little Sano and we all forgot the real name that his parents finally gave him.
Enishi is also satisfied at the arrangement: the baby is a hoot and attracts female customers. His sense of commerce likes it so much that he thinks of doing the same with his own offspring. Tami had to be the focus of attention again and she gave birth to triplets last year. In my evil mind, I prefer thinking of it as a failure: I imagine that she wanted to be more like her dear Cerberuses but didn�t manage to have sextuplets. Ha. (Oh, I won�t have to tell you that I�m still cheap and childish then, you already know)
Tomoe lost the first child�s race, not that she cares: she and Akira enjoy their non-parental status. It isn�t her very own nephews chewing on her ikebana the last time that we had a family gathering at her place which will hurry the process, if you want my opinion. It was the influence of the Evil Beasts, the boys having a fusion-like relationship with them, and reciprocally, although the boys manage to eat flowers better than the Dobermans manage to suck their own thumbs. My nephews took all from Enishi�s side: try to scold their sister and see�if the Cerberuses don�t get you first. My niece took all from Tami�s side in my opinion, although Enishi assures all day long that she�s Tomoe�s spitting image�and she�s Tomoe�s favorite (Tomoe denies it, but already gives her peach blossom perfume). Oh, the Goddesses War is still going on, and don�t get me wrong, it�s still funny, but we all know that it will end up in a tie. I think that it�s more a question of habit now and that both of them actually enjoy this relationship as much as I enjoy the show. What Yakuza family can be a real life version of the Waltons or the Camdens and still pretend to a standard? Honestly. It�s slightly dysfunctional, so what? Everybody is happy this way. Nobody I know has a truly healthy relationship with their in-laws, and it isn�t Cold Fish who will deny it.
Misao�s grandfather and aunts had threatened to move and live at his place to take care of their baby girl, and Aoshi actually cold-sweated at the idea. Of course, after thinking of escaping to the Amazonian Rainforest, he escaped Karmic Justice and the Makimachi Carnival stayed in Kyoto. I reassure you immediately: Little Siren (No, I swear, I�m still evil. Tell me, how would you call a creature born from a human and a fish?) took everything from her mother. As her godmother, I already play the fairy and offer her many designers� baby clothes. I will stress that she doesn�t chew on people�s ikebana (unlike you know who), throws fits if her bath isn�t perfumed with the Chanel baby soap that I offered her (unlike Little Sano who would bath in the Cerberuses� water dish) and never had a garnished burp on my Dior evening dress (unlike Tami�s daughter, Gremlin Junior). No, I don�t have a special fondness for Little Siren: I really don�t know why everyone says it. Yes, I decided to make her my intellectual heir, but she just happens to have the rare fashionista gene and I merely ensure that her good taste is nurtured, that�s all. Cold Fish won�t like it, he wants her to be a boring lawyer and since I still don�t like him either, I carry my strategy out. I have no doubt that I�ll win. Little Siren doesn�t eat flowers, but she and my niece did eat half of his jurisprudence archives the other day. Mwahaha.
I still don�t like Aoshi but I have to admit that he�s my best source of fun since he�s a father. Saitoh caught him making baby noises while playing with Little Siren (Aoshi is out of character-ly crazy about his daughter) and now he refuses to have conversations with �regressive morons� unless strictly about business. Mr.Wolfish�s scowl whenever he refers to Aoshi makes me laugh like a whale (nope, I still have my slim waist, thank you). After our last dinner with them, Mr.Wolfish warned that if Aoshi tries to talk about the wonders of communication with kids again (I didn�t know that Aoshi actually knew the concept of communication), we would leave for the Amazonian rainforest.
I agreed on the principle but not on the destination: we would go to Zanzibar. On top of not being original -which would be reason enough- the Amazonian rainforest is so crowded that the alligators must be migrating to places where people scream at their view instead of taking pictures of them as if they were supermodels in a defile. Tami would tell you that animals have standards too. If I rely on Sano�s tales from the last time that he went there, the place is a larger than life Benny Hill show, with people running into circle after each other. Shogo�s Bullet Wasters still chase after Wumeo and Sayoet, but they have merely caught malaria and mosquito bites as far as I know. Wu�s idea of redeeming was to accept an honest job from a multinational company (which happens to destroy the abovementioned rainforest) and Sayo�s to preach and lecture the Indians. It�s the sad reality: the best that you can expect with annoying people in your life is not that they change, but that they migrate and annoy other people. Don�t worry about the Indians. Katsu is as gifted for revolution as he is with a guitar (and in bed, though Yumi would add �not as good as Seijuro� blah, blah) and since destroying the forest means endangering the animals, Tami (and Enishi�s money) support his explosive fight for freedom. Yes, you can be a Yakuza wife and a nihilist ex-rock star and defend a noble cause, and pay attention to what you say about my sister, I still have the exclusivity on insulting her.
Still holding my cup of red wine, I stand up, to rearrange the pictures of my personal baby-boom which throne on the desk in their Stark frames (aunt and godmother, yes, but still hype): Little Sano, Little Siren, my Devilish Nephews, their sister Gremlin Junior, and Little Emperor, born last summer to the general surprise from Yumi and Hiko�s union. It�s a chubby cute boy, although he�ll probably turn into a monster: a monster of ego, like his father, that is to say. His vanity gene is extremely nurtured (hopefully they�ll pay attention to the alcoholic one too): if Yumi worships Hiko, it�s nothing compared to the adoration that she has for her son, and if Botox Face is never satisfied with me he is always with his boy. Which is so unfair since my work is more difficult than a baby�s, but of course nobody cares. When he witnesses Hiko�s but also Enishi�s slightly excessive pride concerning their offspring, Saitoh rolls his eyes and leaves, comforted in his idea that paternity is lethal for men�s mental balance.
I have to admit now that he was right from the start, and that he was also about women and marriage. Maternity equaling maturity is another perfect example of propaganda. Tomoe and I very often witness the insidious war inside the Mothers� Club. You�ll admit that grown women ready to tear into each other after a comparing the contents of diapers could be defined as childish (not to employ a less flattering �ridiculous�). Megumi and Yumi, in particular, perpetuate the Tom and Jerry�s tradition and provoke literal wars about their boys. Tami doesn�t care since she considers Tomoe as a unique contender; and since Aoshi asserts that Little Siren is the most exquisite creature (you should have seen Saitoh�s face when I said this to him. Oh by the way, yes, I�m still the Antichrist) Misao will never have the idea to question the fact. Tomoe and I can�t help to feel serenely superior, then�I don�t think that we will join the club. Tomoe, as I told you, is allergic to disturbances and I�m allergic to giving birth. I have a new theory about it. Why, when it�s supposedly the best thing that can happen to us, would Mother Nature have deprived the parturient women to have a look at what happens, with retractile eyes or whatever other gadget? Because it�s like a hair mat on the chest for women: it would have provoked the end of the species by turning women off. I am a living proof of it.
I give a last look at the pictures, with a bemused one at the Blade�s. It�s truly Chou and Kamatari�s baby and I placed it there so that my friend won�t feel outcast. They think of adopting, of course, but they�re also affected by the Tomoe complex. Chou is afraid for his jewel�s seats after Gremlin Junior had another garnished burp on them (you know, it might sound ridiculous, but since this incident I suspect Mr.Wolfish of having a fondness for her...as much as he can be fond of a baby, of course) and Kama-chan is afraid for his Barbie Doll collection. Everybody has priorities, after all.
Oops, the letters on the corner of the desk! I forgot to read my mail today. One looks suspiciously like an announcement�Phew, it�s merely Lassie and Tooth Fairy getting married. I now refuse to assist to weddings with the same stubbornness as the former now refuses to enter a dentist cabinet, no big deal then. I might go to this one though�I feel the interesting drama. Weird idea probably due to my relief: I had feared that it was Megumi, because she�s been talking about having a second child lately. Of course, I know that it wouldn�t be like last time, but just in case I prepare a 9 months sabbatical in Zanzibar that will coincidentally coincide. I�m mature, hence I�m cautious.
The letter reminds me that I�m invited to the National Ballet tomorrow for a special show with Hijikata and the Robinson twins. It�s a historical moment for any ballet lover and I definitely will be there. Snub? Nope, I�m merely social. I�ll go with the girls and have fun guessing about the dancers� bulges. It�s still Yumi�s favorite past time and Hiko doesn�t care: he�s confident that she won�t find bigger. Mr. Wolfish stops listening after the word �ballet�, Chou and Akira think that Tomoe and Kama-chan just love ballet, and Sano finds Megumi �cute when she�s kinky�. Then we�ll join the others at Sweet Revenge for the Kinky Kids� birthday, because Misao and Tami are uninterested in other men�s bulges, even just for looking�it must be the famous generation gap, but considering their husbands� tempers it�s for the better.
One question is left to answer now�Will I go out tonight?
I decide against it. I had a busy week with the six days of the Vernal Fashion festival�and Saitoh will be back the day after tomorrow. From last year on I have a message announcing his return: I understood that the best way to get something from him was to never ask. Since I plan passionate wolfish sex 24/7 for the following week, I will have little time alone to appreciate a quiet evening, next to my chimney (fake chimney, a real fire would be too smelly for you-know-whose sensitive nose) on a bear fur (the only way that I appreciate hairs is when you can use the more sophisticated word fur, as in coat or carpet) while the snow falls outside...and I have another bottle of wine somewhere. I�ll stay then.
If you dare say that I�m getting old, I�ll tell you that 1) next year I�ll be 39 for the rest of my life and 2) bite me�no, I�ll be the one to bite you. Yeah, I�m still a bitch and I still love it!
Cheers!
The en�
What is it? Don�t tell me that you expected a �and they married and had many children�, do you? Please (all the others did, isn�t that enough sacrificed to clich�s?). You should know me by now: I love originality too much, and do you want to know something? Mr.Wolfish just loves it too. �It� stands for originality, me being a bitch, me and the way we live, so if you promise to never tell him and not to bug me with it, you can consider that we lived happily and untraditionally ever after.
***The end***
The end of �Sex and the City� was rebroadcast lately�I had hated it at first, but with distance I think that the end of my favorite, Miranda, threw me over the edge and made me forget about the rest. �Women, you have no right to a life of your own, yours has to be devoted to make everyone a priority but you� is the background of this puke-inducing tragedy�I used to like Steve, but I itched to gouge his eyes out seeing the passive aggressive little moron that he had become in the end. Miranda, divorce!!! I used to hate Carrie (in a tie with Ross Geller and Buffy Summers and just behind Annie Blackburne and John Justice Wheeler in my top of most hated TV characters) but to my surprise she got more tolerable in the end. I planned to make Tokio as detestable and I couldn�t�well, in my eyes at least she is better! Very second-degree =)). My other favorite Samantha was fine, and I ended up liking Charlotte (needless to say that I hated her little marriage/social status obsessed self in the beginning). So well, too bad that the primarily challenging, funny and bold SATC became that awfully conservative, sigh�it gave me good laughs and I spent good moments watching it though.
Finally, the only couples that are similar to SATC are Miranda/Steve (with a better ending here, imo, LOL) and Carrie/Big�and maybe Samantha getting the wining ticket at the Great Lottery of Love =)). Not for those of us who prefer M.Wolfish to Mr.Huge, though *grins*
I�m very proud of this story�completely bitchy and completely devoid of WAFF *grins* Everything has to be taken second-degree, of course, since it�s a parody and not merely a comedy, including the characters and the mere vision of the narrator (who, in case you didn�t notice, is of very bad faith and very biased).
Thanks to all those who supported me and commented this fic while I was writing it and posting it. Especially Firuze, Mara and Gracey. I consider this fic as my best anyway, but your appreciations, laughs and compliments were the �huge- cherry on the cake of the enjoyment that writing it gave me. *tequila!*
Story written from June 2003 to March 2005.

First posted in RK bad boys citrus paradise from March 2004 to March 2005.
Thanks for reading,

Kamorgana.
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- 9
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Tokio Love Monogatari