Lies

A/N : Sorry for not posting for so long! Many thanks to Midnight, my lovely beta!! And thanks to all you readers, this is awesome!! I love posting up stories for everyone to enjoy. Here is chapter nine, and don\'t forget to review!!


Chapter Nine

Shuichi was at the studio doing some recording for his new cd with the band. That left Yuki to stay home alone. He thought maybe he\'d clean up the bedroom, since it seemed to have become a disaster. Folding some clothes that were laying on the floor, Yuki\'s mind began to wander. He began thinking things he never had thought about. What was it like to die? What would happen to Shuichi if Yuki left him? Would Shuichi get better, or get worse? Would Shuichi ever leave him? As Yuki began to ponder, he accidentally kicked something that was underneath the clothes. It was familiar to Yuki. It was the leather bound book that Shuichi had bought himself right after Bad Luck sold their million albums. Yuki occasionally saw Shuichi write in it. He knew it was private, but curiosity got the best of him. Picking up the book, Yuki opened it slowly. The first page was a picture of Shuichi and himself, with hearts and \'I Love Yuki!!\' written all over it. He continued to flip the pages, seeing happiness and success. He would see drawn hearts and stars all over the pages, little bits of lyrics underneath entries. New lyrics sometimes popped up as well. Yuki continued to flip through the book, and saw what he was dreading. Slowly but surely, the entries started getting smaller... and the hearts and stars were replaced by razors and what looked like dried blood. Yuki turned to one entry, that was the longest out of the more recent ones.

Why is this happening? Why did I put the stupid shoe box underneath the couch? If I wasn\'t so stupid maybe people would leave me alone! Maybe I could get on with everything! Everyone is so worried about me, and everyone wants to help. But nobody is helping! They are all just standing there and pretending that I am gonna be okay! I\'m not okay!! I\'m never going to be okay!!

Yuki looks so old... he is so worried about me. And I want his hurting to stop. I want my hurting to stop...

Take this razor across my wrist... and hope to god you will never see me like this

Yuki stumbled across those last few words. He noticed that after every depressing/suicidal entry, Shuichi would have a little rhyme to go with it. Yuki finally flipped to the last entry, which had been written the night that Shuichi locked himself in the bathroom and cut.

Oh no oh no, look what I have done now! He saw... he saw me cut and I told him it felt good! Why am I so dumb! Why did I run to the bathroom? I don\'t deserve him, he is too good for me... I\'m worthless....

Close my eyes and pierce my skin, and bleed out all the hurt within

Yuki closed the book, and took a deep breath. Placing the book on the night stand, Yuki continued to clean the bedroom. He wouldn\'t tell Shuichi he read his journal... but he had to tell Christine. Shuichi had been acting happy for the past few days, and Yuki had thought he was getting better. Obviously, he wasn\'t. He was pretending. Yuki knew that Shuichi\'s appointment was for next Monday, but he didn\'t know if he could wait that long. I have to though, Yuki thought. Shuichi might think it odd if I brought him in sooner.

Shuichi bounced into the kitchen a little after 4 pm. He was humming a tune, and somewhat dancing as he looked for something to eat.

\"Yuuuuuki!\" He shouted, as he put some tofu in a bowl. \"Yuki, I\'m home!\"

Yuki came out from the bedroom, looking quite drowsy. \"Yuki?\"

\"Mmm... hello....\" Yuki yawned as he gave Shuichi a one armed hug. Shuichi returned it enthusiastically, practically jumping in Yuki\'s arms. He hoisted his legs up so that he straddled Yuki\'s waist. Shuichi held on to Yuki\'s neck as he placed light kisses all over Yuki\'s face. \"You seem in a good mood,\" Yuki noted, holding his lover\'s hips.

\"Yup! We are all done recording! I got for a photo shoot on Wednesday, and then the cd comes out next month! I can\'t wait!\" Shuichi exclaimed, looking into Yuki\'s green eyes. \"It\'s gonna be so awesome!!\"

Yuki smiled as he walked to the bedroom and dropped Shuichi on the bed. Shuichi scooted upwards and spread out his legs. Yuki knew exactly what was on Shuichi\'s mind.

\"Not right now, baka.\" Yuki said softly as he placed himself beside Shuichi. Shuichi frowned a bit, but quickly smiled as Yuki hoisted him on top of himself, so that Shuichi was yet again straddling his waist. \"So how is life for my pop star?\"

Yuki saw how Shuichi\'s face saddened a bit, but then the sadness quickly disappeared. Obviously, Shuichi was letting his act slip up.

\"Life is really good! With the record getting done so fast, and everyone being so helpful, it\'s getting better.\"

\"That\'s good to hear.\"

Shuichi smiled as he laid himself down on Yuki\'s stomach. He began to nibble gently on Yuki\'s ears, and Yuki moaned a bit.

\"Life could be better if we...\" Shuichi didn\'t finish his sentence, for he began to rub his half hard erection on Yuki\'s thigh. Yuki bit his lip, and tried to compose himself.

\"That\'s not you, Shuichi. That\'s your Zoloft talking,\" he said quietly. Shuichi laughed.

\"As if! I\'ve been thinking about this all day...\"

\"Zoloft.\"

Shuichi groaned as he stopped playing with Yuki\'s ear. \"It\'s been maybe what... five days? Not yet. You can wait. I\'ve made you wait before.\" Shuichi nodded at his lover\'s decision, but did not bother getting off his stomach. Yuki lightly stroked his hair, as he heard Shuichi whisper something.

\"Hmm? You have to speak up louder, love.\"

\"Oh? Nothing. It\'s nothing Yuki.\"

\"I\'m pretty sure you said something.\"

\"Forget it,\" Shuichi sighed, waving his hand like the whisper was being swept away. Yuki shrugged, and went back to stroking Shuichi\'s hair. Shuichi then began to cough, and he bolted upwards, running to the bathroom. He heard him begin to vomit. Yuki sighed. He didn\'t much like the side effects that Zoloft had. Sakano had called several times asking why Shuichi would disappear for hours at a time during the first few recordings. Sakano first thought that Shuichi was on drugs, but once Yuki hammered the fact that Shuichi was on depression medication, Sakano laid off. Yuki\'s heart dropped when he thought about their concerts. With the new cd coming out, Shuichi would definitely be doing some hardcore touring. His outfit of a high rise tank top and little shorts were out of the question. Shuichi was known for his slutty yet stylish clothing. How was he going to cover? Shuichi came out of the bathroom, frowning.

\"Yucky. Third time today that\'s happened. Suguru had a huge fit when I got sick all over the floor under his keyboard.\"

Yuki laughed as his lover rolled back on the bed. \"You think that\'s funny?\" Shuichi smiled, playing with a lock of hair that had fallen in Yuki\'s face.

\"Yeah.\"

\"The fact that I threw up or Suguru had a fit?\"

\"The fit,\" Yuki smiled as he kissed Shuichi\'s nose. \"Hey, why don\'t we go out somewhere? Its nearly 5, and I am pretty hungry. How about we go out for dinner? You and I?\"

Shuichi smiled as he jumped out of the bed. \"Alright!\"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Shuichi looked over the menu at the restaurant to stare at Yuki. He was peering over his menu as well, staring back. Shuichi smiled as he winked at him. It had been too long since Yuki had taken him out on a date, and Shuichi wanted to savor it. Sticking his tongue out, he tried to decide what he wanted to eat. Deciding on a pasta, he closed the menu and resorted to staring at his lover. Yuki didn\'t notice, as he was still contemplating if he wanted the chicken or the salad. He frowned.

\"What\'s up Yuki?\" Shuichi asked, tilting his head to the side. Yuki looked up.

\"Chicken... or salad?\"

Shuichi laughed at his lover\'s dilemma. Looking at his menu, he looked at Yuki\'s choices.

\"I seriously think you should try that chicken... sounds good.\" Shuichi decided, smiling as he glanced upwards. Yuki looked at him, and nodded. In the back of Shuichi\'s head, his mind was completely boggled. It wasn\'t like Yuki to not be able to make choices for himself. When the waitress came and took their orders, Yuki seemed to stumble a bit over his words. Shuichi smiled and gave her his order, and she smiled back. When she walked away, Shuichi glanced a worried look at Yuki. \"Yuki...\"

\"Yes?\"

\"Something is wrong...\"

Yuki smiled. \"Really?\"

\"Yeah. This isn\'t like you.\"

\"I\'m a bit tired, don\'t worry about it. Some sleep and food should do me good.\"

Shuichi nodded, looking back down at the table. \"Hey-\" Yuki reached over the table and cupped Shuichi\'s chin, tilting it upwards. He kissed Shuichi lightly on the lips, and then broke apart. \"I\'m fine.\" Yuki smiled widely, and Shuichi returned it. In his head, he still knew something was wrong...