My, My, Imai! Vol. I

Hatori:
Not a sound came from the doctor, nor did he accept lunch or dinner when maids attempted to bring him his share for that day. The weren't even able to get into Hatori's room, anyhow, but kept trying as it was their duty.

Gradually, he was starting to feel better, having taken some medicine prescribed to himself and sleeping most of that horrible morning off as it was now drawing closer to bed time. Not being the least bit tired, he finally left his chambers and hoarded the rest room for a long, hot bath and to change into clothes he hadn't worn or slept in for two days.

Tea was calling, and he finally allowed the maids to make him some as he padded down the hall and to his study. He only felt a little better, but still a bit on the sluggish side-- It was rare Hatori became ill, but not so rare for him to be depressed.

Imai:
Imai continued to stay in her room for the evening, finding that there was no reason for her to leave it. At least Akito had left for a walk some ten minutes ago. While her brother rarely had anything to say to her, she enjoyed the silence of being alone more than she enjoyed the silence of being cooped up with her brother.

Imai was growing restless... Almost as though she were going stir-crazy. She had not spent time with Hatori for two days, and while it was not very long at all, she still felt as though she were going to go mad. She had grown so used to his quiet and secure company that she marveled at how she'd gotten along without it. For the first time in her life, she felt the pangs of boredom seep into her.

She resolved to read, but in order to do so without the company of Hatori, she had to leave for the bath with the book carefully hidden within her robes. Thinking that Hatori was still in his room, sleeping off his illness, Imai made her silent way down the hallway toward the bath. She was surprised to pass by Hatori along the way, and where she normally might have said something encouraging to his health, she said nothing; only offering a silent nod. She figured that he would not want to exchange too many words or be around her while he was ill.. He wasn't feeling well, and she might catch something from him if he really had something.

Hatori:
Hatori, for the most part, looked more refreshed than he did hours ago when he first came in. As far as being ill, he was not. The cold had only chilled him and the more restful sleep had worked wonders along with the hot bath he had just taken. But, to make sure, there were vitamins waiting for him in his study along with a tray of tea the maids prepared.

It wasn't expected to run into anyone in the hall on the way back from the bath house, but it wasn't something impossible. With his brows lifted, he nodded back to Imai as she passed, but also gave a spoken greeting.

"Good evening."

It was more than anyone in the house got from him, and it was also a sort of apology to make up for how indisposed he had been when she was presented in her New Year's costume.

And it was when he was just a few feet away did he stop and offer without turning around, "There's tea in my study if you're interested."

No more, no less before he was on his way again.

Imai:
Imai was more than just a little shocked at his greeting and offer... And she wondered if he was just feeling more ill, or just feeling better. She hoped for the latter of the two. She weighed her options, however, as she watched him move away down the hall; she could take a short bath and skip the reading (she could always do that later with Hatori), or she could skip the bath entirely and follow Hatori (she'd already had a bath today anyway).

She opted for the latter, and padded quietly after him, still clutching her book tightly under her robes; it was the only place that she could hide it where he brother didn't dare to look. Imai continued to follow her friend with silent steps, and only when they were free of the earshot of her sleeping sibling did she speak.

"Hatori-san... You're feeling better, right?"

Her voice held the same tone of worry that Tohru's would if she'd been in the same situation, the only difference was that Imai's voice of worry wasn't laced with constant panic; hers was more gentle, as if offering comfort in them. To Imai, now, Hatori was more than just her doctor... He was her friend, and just as any comrade would, she was worried about him when he wasn't feeling well.

Hatori:
Hatori didn't miss a step, letting Imai walk along with him as they rounded the hall way and came upon the familiar door to his study and office.

"Yes."

He held the door open for her, and as promised, there was the tea sitting upon his desk, the cups empty with steam from the hot water in the kettle swirling up. The windows and doors to the outside had been closed, so it was much warmer and more cozy than it had been. The blankets that had been draped over him were folded up and stacked to the side near the closet.

Hatori took his usual seat at his desk, though spread a hand out in gesture to the spare seat for Imai to take if she so wished to. Silent as always, and reaching for the pack of cigarettes he kept in the first drawer to the right in his desk.

Imai:
Imai smiled with his answer, knowing that he would not lie to her; she was very happy that he was feeling better. Once in his office, she took the offered seat, crossing her legs at the ankles as the doctor lit up a cigarette.

She no longer minded the fact that he smoked, she had long grown used to the smell of it since she now frequented his office, though she still did not understand why anybody would want to put something so nasty into their bodies. He was a doctor, right? Didn't he care about his own health and the fact that cigarettes made your lungs turn black, made you cough, and often made you cough UP stuff? She chalked it up to the fact that it had been the whole deal with Kanna; she'd be a heavy smoker, too, if that happened to her.

"I'm glad you're feeling better, Hatori-san.."

The rooster spoke as she moved to pour the tea; it was only proper for the woman to do it, anyway.

"... And I'm sorry that Ayame-san and I burst into your office like that; it was very rude of us."


Hatori:
"I'm used to him doing such things," said Hatori casually after a rather long drag from his cigarette.

Closing his eyes, he let the smoke seep out from between his lips as he relaxed more in the leather chair as it creaked beneath him.

"And shouldn't I be the one to apologize, anyhow?"

With as rude as barging in on him earlier might have been, he was even more rude with the way he had rebuked them both as unintentional as it might have been. The good doctor held the end of the cigarette between his lips idly a moment later, sitting up to pour and serve the tea to his guest.

"Your outfit is lovely."

The first filled cup was taken off from the tray, then pushed forward in Imai's direction upon the desk. The second was filled next and taken for himself. Silence was once again around them as Hatori settled back again to take a sip after setting the cancer stick in the ash tray with the opposite free hand.

Imai:
Imai's eyes portrayed confusion, at first as she paused from reaching to pour the tea. She almost found herself staring at him. Why would he be the one to apologize?

But with his next sentence, she felt her face turn red, the blood fluttering to fill her face, dancing across the bridge of her nose. Her hands were frozen in mid-air, and only when Hatori slid the tea toward her did she remember to breathe. In flustered silence, Imai took the cup in her hands, finding the steaming liquid inside more interesting than the doctor's face.

"Th.. Thank you.. Hatori-san.."

She cleared her throat, trying to rid her face of the heat she felt as it continued to pool up around her sinuses.

"I.. I didn't think I would look right in it.. I mean-- I've never worn anything like that before.."

Okay... So maybe a nice drink of tea would help her throat unclench. She wasn't certain why she always felt so strange when Hatori complimented or thanked her, or even why she felt so unbearably lonely when he wasn't around; she'd never felt this way with Shigure, even when the inu was serious about his compliments or thanks.

Hatori:
"Ayame is good at what he does if you can survive everything through."

Hatori didn't catch the blush on Imai's face, eyes still closed as he drank his tea and seemed to have forgotten about the cigarette he just lit. They weren't really compliments, he was simply stating the truth. She managed to pull off the costume well, and doubted that he would be the only one to tell her so by the time the ceremonies came around.

Outside, the snow was still falling steadily, though the doctor seemed to have gotten all of that out of his system the night before, remaining with only a little bit of a heavy demeanor about him. There was silence again, aside from the sound of his tea glass clanking against the tray when he put it back down until his next drink.

Imai:
"I'm sorry about that, too. I suppose the most energetic person I've ever been around is Gure-ni-san; Ayame-san scared me a little bit, at first.. But he's very friendly. If not, a bit loud."

Imai calmed a bit, glad that Hatori had not noticed her blush. She took another sip of her drink with a smile.

"He says that he wants to continue making my clothes, but I think he's more fond of playing with my hair, instead."

Imai drew her legs up next to her, feeling almost as though she could barely keep herself from fidgeting. She was eager to see the expression on Hatori's face, come tomorrow night. She had found a loophole in Akito's overbearing rules, and had been able to get Hatori a Christmas Gift. She only hoped that she hadn't gone overboard; she'd never been able to get anybody a gift before, and she had a hard time not wanting to get Hatori everything that she saw.

She'd settled on something practical, at least, but she still hoped that she hadn't overdone it.

She knew she'd owe Shigure big-time for it, but she'd be able to do that later. Right now, she was only concerned about Hatori. He still seemed a little out of it, and noted that despite his giving her a gift, he was still very lacking in Christmas spirit. Not like it wasn't usual for Hatori to HAVE Christmas spirit; she didn't expect him to traipse around in a Santa hat and fake beard... But she hoped her gift for him would brighten his spirits, even just a little.

Hatori:
"Hn."

That bit of news made a faint sort of smile cross the good doctor's mouth. Ayame was always like that, though Hatori wasn't sure if he was willing to give up the peace and quiet he was so fond of having constantly. Though the chaos that followed Ayame was warm in its own demented sort of way.

Christmas spirit... Was certainly something Hatori didn't have an ounce of, save for the single gift he had purchased for Imai. And so he sat in silence after that little response, idly looking up for the first time that night to the window of his study, but only after he realized he still had a cigarette lifted and tapped off the ashy ends to puff off what was left of it.

Imai:
Imai followed Hatori's eyes to the window. She wondered if perhaps he had invited her simply to apologize over tea, and wondered if he was still letting thoughts of Kanna plague his lonely mind.

**What a silly thing to think, Imai; Kanna is always on his mind.**

He eyes wandered from the window up to the picture of Kanna. Imai had never seen her in person, but from what she had seen in pictures, and from what she had heard from Shigure.. Kanna had been a very lively, sweet, and beautiful person. She'd heard that her mother had been the same, and while Imai had never met her, she wondered if things would have been different if she had still been around.

She blamed herself for that, she had been told by her brother far too many times not to believe what he said. It had been Imai who had been so stubborn as to be born so early, and the complications that she had caused had killed their mother.

And, now, just as Hatori was lost in his own thoughts, so was Imai, her eyes finally lowering from Kanna's picture.

**If I hadn't killed my mother, Hatori-san might have been able to marry Kanna... He might even be a father by now, and the snow wouldn't make him so depressed. Ani-wue might be smiling instead of being so angry with me all the time. If I could do it all different, I would.**

Hatori:
What an awkward sort of silence this was and even Hatori noticed it after a moment, brows cocked up as he tipped his attention away from the window and towards Imai whom appeared to be just as lost in thought as he had been, noting that particular upset expression. Now would be the time to converse.

"Are you going to read tonight?" he wondered, not exactly an expert at starting conversation or veering away from unpleasant topics.

It was growing late and no doubt past bed time, but Hatori was anything other than tired after sleeping most of the day as he did. So, his office would be open and, as always, Imai would be welcome to use it for as long as she wished.

Imai:
Imai was startled out of her thoughts by Hatori's voice, and her attention suddenly turned to him. Her eyelids fluttered with emotion for a moment before she brought herself back to the present, but the upset expression still lingered. Turning her eyes downcast, Imai let her mouth hang ajar for a moment before speaking.

".. I... I don't know, but if it isn't too late for you, may I still stay with you awhile?"

She looked as though she were about to say more, but she seemed to be pondering on it.

"... I find that I sleep better if I stay with you for awhile."

Imai could never understand how she could say such things; saying them to herself felt strange, but saying them to Hatori's face was even stranger a feeling. But it was the truth: she was always able to sleep better when she spent time with Hatori, for he always made her feel as though nothing could touch her when she was with him, and he always made her feel better if she'd had a rough day.

Idly, she wondered if her company was just as soothing for him as it was for her; while they did not converse very much, or very often, she felt that such quiet company was just the company that Hatori liked... And she felt as though he were warming up to her with every visit.

Hatori:
"You act as if I sleep," he commented in that odd sense of humor he had.

Another long drag was taken from this cigarette and the doctor tipped his head back against the comfort of his chair, exhaling as he crossed his legs neatly.

As open as Imai was being with him, Hatori was still locked away in his shell and seemed to have every intention of staying in there. Though it didn't go unnoticed, the good doctor just decided not to comment on the not-so-subtle change taking place in the equally as withdrawn girl he used to know. People already knew more than he liked about himself.

"Stay as long as you wish."

He was standing then, struck by an afterthought as he moved across the room like a chilly shadow and opened a window, letting the heat that made the room cozy rush out to welcome some winter snow. It was to keep the air clear of stink in respect for his visitor.

Christmas was sneaking up fast, he mused, closing his eyes as a flake of white kissed his face and melted with the heat. In just mere weeks, spring would be upon them again for another year. And only then would he feel like himself once more.

Imai:
Imai smiled, then, hardly able to keep it hidden from him anymore. Somehow, and she would never be certain quite how, but he had been the knife that had pried her tightly sealed shell open, to expose her tender feelings to the air like an open wound that simply wouldn't close. He had offered her so much, in her scattered and tortured mind, and she could not help but warm up to him, wanting to snuggle further into his comfort and safety as though her were a fur blanket in the dead of an Alaskan winter.

To her, Hatori had become the single most important person in her life; it had taken Shigure many years to get Imai to open up to him, but in less than a month, Hatori had knocked Shigure soundly down from his top rung to take his place. And all Imai could do was chase him as he continued to climb further into his life than he could even realize.

"Everyone sleeps..."

Was her soft reply, even as he let the warm air of the room rush from the door as he opened it. She didn't mind his smoking, and didn't mind the next-to-constant, strange, and almost tense silence that hung between them, even now.

Yes... Everyone slept. And until she had grown closer to Hatori, Imai had been soundly asleep, drowned out in her own dreams, locking her mental doors to the queer world that stared her in the face at every waking moment. Hatori had been the soft calling in her ear that woke her, the key that unlocked her doors to him and only him. She felt for Hatori in a way that she could not feel for Shigure; and it almost terrified her to think of it.

Hatori:
"Eventually, I suppose."

Just that little burst of conversation managed to trigger the strangest course of thought. The different ways one could sleep: for a few hours, days, or for an eternity. Each of which no one knew when or where they would experience it. One of life's exciting perks. . .

The silence was back again, disrupted only by the sounds of outside. Once or twice in between, Hatori took puffs of his cigarette to finish it off. It was that last option of the type of sleep that was weighing the most on his mind in that moment and he turned over his shoulder to watch her idly. He had a question, but wasn't sure if it was appropriate to ask considering the circumstances of the situation.

He kept it to himself for now, deciding against it as he gazed back out over the stretch white that already covered the gardens.

Imai:
Imai's golden gaze remained trained on her elder cousin, the silence in the room becoming more deafening with each breath she drew into her fragile body. She noted the look in his eyes when he turned to look at her... She could already sense it; that he wanted something... To say something or do something... Even have something. She wasn't sure... But the indifferent look on his face couldn't hide that he had something else on his mind.

Slowly, she let her rump leave the chair, the soft leather creaking like old door hinges as she stood. Bared feet crossed the floor, making their soft, tell-tale thumping sounds against the wood as she approached him. Imai stopped once she reached his side, standing flush with him as though she were ready to walk into the flames of Hell with the good doctor.

But she said nothing, simply letting her gaze follow his own into the wintry, blanketed gardens. Each flower she had once enjoyed in the warmer seasons were now dead, allowing their untarnishable souls sleep in the ground until the spring arrived to wake them once again. The patch of grass she had once occupied was dead as well, and would probably remain unoccupied while she was still afforded the company of her quiet, scarred cousin.

She searched her mind for something to say, anything... A joke, a word, a musing, even a question or subtle confession... But the bowels of her mind remained locked to her searching, and her digging was fruitless. But she felt just as happy with him in silence as she did when engaged in mild conversation; she was happy with Hatori in any situation.

Hatori:
It was just that quiet presence around him that helped snub out the pangs of sadness in the back recesses of his heart. It was the little things, he found, that ended up meaning more than anything, and he had slowly begun to learn how to appreciate them.

"What does snow become when it melts?" he asked against the better judgment he had moments before she stood to join him.

Snow caught in his hair, sparkling in the dim light of the study as it melted almost instantly. As melancholy as the winter made him, it was a season that seemed to suit him best. The blue of the cold and ice matched the full irises of his slanted eyes almost perfectly.

Imai:
For a moment, Imai said nothing. She wondered where the question had come from, for she had never heard such a strange question in her life. She had no idea of the significance the question held for Hatori.

She smiled, faintly, and answered, her eyes still trained on the cold and dead garden outside; still beautiful in it's temporary loss of life as it was in full and blooming glory.

"... Spring... The snow becomes Spring when it melts. And the ice always melts before you know it."

It was then that Imai's warm hues turned to Hatori's icy eyes, the smile still faintly tipping the edge of her thin lips.

Spring was obviously her favorite season, and it didn't take a genius to know why. Imai had been a flower surrounded by ice. Hatori had been the single ray of sunshine to melt it away, and she was slowly unfurling to his quiet and warm presence.

Hatori:
Hatori felt his breath hitch in the back of his throat, narrowed eyes opening some in a mild display of surprise at the answer the girl had prepared for him. The little bit of silence that had gone by for thought-- He had expected her to be thinking of more scientific theories to give to him. Water, vapor, puddles. . . It was a surprise.

The doctor didn't say anything, but in that rare moment, his stoic expression shifted into something more warm, stern eyes going soft as the first real smile in who knows how long graced his features. If he didn't know any better, he would call the brief tickling sensation in his stomach butterflies.

"That's right," he said as soft as the expression he now wore, turning his face back toward the outside.

"It turns into spring."

Imai:
Imai noted the smile, and allowed her own to broaden. She was surprised by the sudden, softer expression he offered, but she showed no outward sign of her surprise.

"I can't wait until Spring... Then, I can color you a picture in the book you gave me."

That was her plan for the first day that the flowers came back into bloom; she planned on coloring Hatori a picture... If anything, she had originally planned to slide it under his door as a surprise, but she was having a hard time keeping her Christmas gift for him a surprise, much less anything else.

She was already holding so many things from him, and many of them were far different than surprise gifts; she could only hide so much from her cousin.

Imai mildly wondered when she began to think of him as her cousin... As her FRIEND... Rather than just her doctor. She couldn't pin-point the exact moment when she no longer truly feared crossing the threshold to his domain, and no longer feared when her next check-up was scheduled. She wondered when she no longer shuddered at the idea of his hands touching her in any manner, and when she wanted nothing more than to spend every moment with him.

She knew what it was. Thinking on it for just that mere fraction of a heartbeat made her realize, with growing fear, that she didn't think of Hatori as simply her friend or her cousin or her doctor. She didn't want to think about it, for even THINKING about mentioning it, even to herself, in her own mind... It made a lump of fear catch in her throat that threatened to cut off her breathing.

Her face flushed, the red spreading across the bridge of her nose. She prayed he didn't notice, and prayed that if she stomped the feeling, and drowned it out in her own fears, that it would simply go away. She didn't want to feel it, even at the very moment she realized it. She didn't want to think about it, say it, think it... Nothing. She couldn't handle it, and she didn't want to have to handle it. It was an unwelcome feeling. And just knowing that it was unwelcome made her feel horrible for wanting to stomp it out of existence.

She felt guilty for it. Felt guilty for feeling it, and hating to feel it. And she suddenly wanted to run away from Hatori in her sudden shame.

Hatori:
Hatori's head turned back the way it had gone when he posed his question, eyes still gentle as the settled once more upon the girl standing beside him. It wasn't noticed right away at first, but the way the girl looked confirmed that there had been another mood change in that particular span of silence.

"Imai-kun? Is something the matter?"

Perhaps standing practically outside was too cold for her as she was still recovering from a cold. Hatori made a motion to close the door, using the other hand at the small of Imai's back to ease her out of the way. It was warm almost instantly the winter was cut off from the study, any snow that happened to drift in becoming little puddles on the wooden floors of the house's room.

Imai:
Her face flushed darker with his endearment... He'd always called her 'Imai-san'... Never before had he called her any different. She stood silent for a moment before moving with his gentle urging, her bared feet catching in the cool puddles as she backed from the doorway. Imai's breath caught in her throat, coming out as a labored breath before she spoke.

"... N... No... Nothing at all, Hatori-san... I... I was just thinking."

She wanted to run away and hide. She was confused before anything else at what she wanted... She wanted to run and hide, but she wanted to stay with him for as long as she could, just to know that he acknowledged her presence. She found that his touch was like fire on her, and she could feel the warmth of his hand through her clothing. His voice no longer sounded human, but sounded as though it were made of the sound of silk rushing across bared skin, and his eyes were so piercing, that she felt that if he let their gaze fall even in her general direction, that it would gouge holes into her very being.

She wanted him to talk forever, and she wanted him to never let his hand leave her back, and she wanted him to look at her that way until existence turned to dust. She couldn't stand it, not a moment longer! And no sooner had he shut the door than Imai was all but bolting out of his office as though she'd seen the Devil in his face.

When she came back to herself, she found that she was outside, standing barefooted in front of the gates that led to the outside of the estate. The snow chilled her to her ankles, and she barely noticed her shivering as she stared at the gates. She couldn't stand another day locked in the estate... Couldn't stand another second of it. The longer she stayed here, and the longer she had ready access to the man that was becoming her addiction, the more she felt she'd go mad from it.

Hatori:
"Imai!--"

Hatori took a single step after her, but caught himself before another followed. If she wanted to go, then he would not stop her no matter how confused he was over how abrupt it had been. He didn't think that he said anything offensive, but it was hard to tell with those that were so locked up in every sense of the word. Hatori was one that could understand that bit more than anyone else.

"..."

He watched the door of his study swing shut on its own accord, brows furrowing down as he noticed a small detail just second after: how cold his study was without that peaceful company Imai provided no matter how high the heat was turned up. However, despite the small twinge of worry he felt, it was not his nature to go chasing after people.

For now, he would sit back down in his chair-- Sit and wait to see what would happen next before taking action.

Imai:
Imai continued to stand in front of the gates that taunted her. They were open... She could walk out at any given moment and never look back. She could run away and never see this place again for the freedom the world offered her... But for the loneliness it would all have if Hatori wasn't there with her.

She hated herself. She could leave, if only her ties with the zodiac... And her ties with Hatori... would let her.

**How could I even contemplate thinking like this for Hatori-san...? He's my doctor... It's fruitless to feel this way; it's against his profession because I'm his patient! I'm selfish for feeling this way! He's had too much on his hands with taking care of the family... With taking care of me and Ani-wue... With losing Kanna! I'm selfish for hoping that he'd feel anything for me stronger than family ties and tentative friendship, and it would be hopeless even if he did.**

Her brother... The CURSE would stand in the way, no matter what happened. And it was the curse mingled with her feelings for Hatori that made her turn back around to trudge her way back through the gardens to her room.

She couldn't see Hatori anymore. She couldn't bear it. She wasn't even sure if she'd be able to look at him the next evening at the Christmas Eve Party, knowing how she felt for him, now. The warmth and comfort he offered was too tempting, and she'd be tempted to see him again and again.

She contemplated on whether or not she should make him hate her, just to make him break her heart so she could get over it before it got too deep; she knew it would always be one-sided for his lingering love for Kanna, and the impending doom her brother could bring. Still unresolved, Imai lay herself down on her futon and went to bed.