My Enemy is a vegetable

It can get pretty tedious, paying attention to people complaining about this. I mean, if someone had something to say, I’d listen, but even on the VHD fanfiction list on yahoo, there are people who like to comn fon for the sake of complaining. Everyone else jumped on her ting to post their sheepish ‘Yeah! I agree! You’re a published author.’ I’m not going to go into what it means if your complaining about a fic, telling me you can’t complain about fics. I posted five warnings and asked permission from the moderator to post those.
If someone can use their brain and still likes Kale, can say ‘Here’s what I like about her:’ ‘Here’s why Jemstone5 is good,’ I’ll listen—read.
Everything written is a double-edged sword, people! Even fanfiction.net. In its pandering, the smart people don’t post as many fics, or none at all. With the reviews, you can complain as much as you want, say anything your want, relevant or not. It can be a story lauded by over twenty people (Jemstone5 was, and she couldn’t spell), and with the reviews, you can get the good and the bad, the honest and the dishonest, the smart and the dirt-dumb. With the rules against MST, lists, and all that fun stuff, you eliminate lots of well-written fics. By allowing stories to be posted, you aren’t filtering Mary Sues or discrimination out.
Like I said in my bio, I believe 98% of all people have at least one good story in them, probably more, and everyone needs help being their best (I know I do. I could sure use a beta-reader), but fanfiction.net seems to pander to those 2%, preferring people who’ll cry to Mommy rather than know flames from constructive ccismcism.
Anyway, that seems to be the overall Fanfiction Moron Report for overall stupidity. Focusing back solely on Jemstone5’s fics, I have to say three things:
1) Do NOT EVER—EVER—write a Mighty Ducks porno. Please. Dear, God, what ere you thinking? I used to watch that when I was nine on the Disney Afternoon! There’s a difference between sexuality and perversion, just as there’s a difference between writing consenting adults doing each other and anthropomorphic ducks doing each other! I didn’t even DARE read it, the summary summed it all up.
2) She wrote a non-Kale VHD fic. It was a crossover with Star Trek. She keeps ruining my programs with all these images she puts in my head! I know someone out there is saying ‘How bad can it be?’ Here’s how bad: D has not two, but four testes (the extra two are biologically impossible), his sperm count is off the wall, and the female doctor was so happy. Yippee. Jemstone5 is one big Glass Ceiling Machine, isn’t she?
Here’s the best part of it:
Doctor: If you plan to have a family, try to keep it small
D: I’ll try, but I make no promises
Have vasectomies been outlawed centuries in the future? Have abortions? What about safe sex? Condoms? I knew the federation could be dumb at times, but I think people would learn about over population by then.
3) Kale DOES have flaws, people. Okay, it’s one big, annoying flaw, but it’s a flaw: she’s Kale. Being her has to be a flaw in and of itself. Don’t take my word for it, take D’s

D: Skark’s gotta swim

Kale: Aaaaaaaaaah! (almost goes into ‘shock’)

D: Bat’s gotta fly.
I gotta love one girl ‘til I die.

Parasite: Which, unfortunately for both of us, will take a damn long time.

D: To Ed or Dick or Bob

Parasite: Her pheromones drive ‘em nuts and they wanna hump her. Ever notice she’s absolutely fine witat Dat D?

D: She may be just a slob,
But to me, well,
She’s my girl.

Parasite: Yeah, but she ain’t mine.

D: In winter, the bed is one large ice cube

Kale: Hey, I like acting like a corpse during sex.

D: And she squeezes the toothpaste from the middle of the tube.
Her hair’s in the sink
She’s driven me to drink.

Kale: But that’s okay. Men can drink all they want. As long as women don’t drink. That’s improper and bad.

D: But she’s my girl, she’s my girl, she’s my girl

Parasite: Great, now you’re not just talking too much, but you’re being repetitive, can I go back to the real you?

D: And I love her.

Parasite: I think I’m going to be sick

D: The girl that I lament for,

Parasite: The girl you’ve been apologizing to the cop for ever since your knew her.

D: The girl my money’s spent for,
The girl my back is bent for

Parasite: Inside and outside of the bedroom

D: The girl I owe the rent for
The girl I gave up Lent for

Parasite: And the rest of our non-Catholic religion

D: Is the girl that heaven meant for me.
Though for breakfast she makes coffee that tastes like shampoo

Kale: That was tea, not coffee. Sorry it was so thick

D: I come home for dinner and it’s peanut butter stew.

Kale: What? We had a bunch of peanut butter, and all I know how to make is stew and tea.

D: Or, if I’m in luck, it’s broiled hockey puck

Kale: That’s all they’d let me keep after I found this cute little kid playing hockey in his backyard and he needed a mommy so much I thought I’d take him with me and name him Bucky.

D: But, oh well, what the hell?
She’s my girl
And I love her

Parasite: Someone shoot me. Now.

Kale: Sorry, guns are bad.