In The Spaces Between Words

---If I Were Gay---


Yagami Light closed his eyes as the warm spray of the shower bathed him, wetting his skin and hair. The heat eased tense muscles and calmed frayed nerves, and it was a long moment before he reached for the bottle of shampoo on the nearby metal wall rack. A lot of the tension had to do with a certain private investigator, who was even now waiting for him just beyond the shower curtain, sitting on the covered water closet the way he always did. As he massaged some of the fragrant liquid into his hair, he found himself wondering if L was scrutinizing his silhouette from where the detective was perched now just to make sure he wasn’t doing anything suspicious in the shower. There was probably no question about that.


He could almost feel the other’s eyes on him as he rinsed his hair and reached for the facial cleanser. It was somewhat disturbing, but he strove to ignore it as he cleaned his face before moving on to the shower gel and rubbing the fresh-smelling surfactant on himself. He rinsed off quickly and turned the taps. There was a creak as L carefully rose from his perch on the water closet just as the sound of showering water stopped, and a large white towel was pushed past the shower curtain as usual. He took it the proffered textile and began drying himself. This was the only time the handcuffs connecting them were removed, only so they could remove their clothes, shower and dress.


When he pushed aside the shower curtain and stepped out carefully with the towel wrapped around his waist, the pale oddball was already completely nude, and he averted his eyes from that far too skinny form with mild exasperation. Honestly, just because L had no modesty, he expected the rest of the world to have none as well. He used not to even have the decency to close the shower curtain until he’d eventually gotten the hint from Light’s pulling it closed for him several times to keep him from drenching the floor as he showered. His lack of concern for the state of his appearance and surroundings was rather disconcerting to say the least.


Sometimes, it was even an understatement to say that L was presumptuous. He always expected people to put up with his unorthodox and sometimes only borderline legal methods and ways. Had L not been the world’s greatest detective, he doubted anyone would want to work with him. It was no wonder the older man had no friends, Light surmised as he reached for the hairdryer and comb to blow and style his hair. His blunt and callous words and utter disregard of others’ opinions were often intolerable.


Yet, as he dabbed toner and moisturizer onto his face, Light doubted that the antisocial eccentric was deliberately or perhaps even consciously the way he was. It probably wouldn’t be wrong to say that L was presumptuous in his ignorance of how his actions affected other people. He’d always been an introverted lone ranger working on cases anonymously; he didn’t often deal with anyone besides Watari, who was both accustomed to and indulgent of his peculiarities, so it was unsurprising that he was a lost cause at public relations.


He heard the shower being turned off and grabbed a towel off the rack to hand to the detective. Just as the other took it from him, it occurred to him that the only time L wasn’t pretty much outright staring at him was when L was in the shower and he was outside dressing up. He had also never seen camera feeds from the bathroom on the monitors other than in Misa’s room, and he rarely watched those. It wasn’t as if he had to watch in secret anyway; Misa would readily act out the equivalent of a cliché pornographic film for him if that was what he wanted. Spying on something he could obtain easily was rather pointless.

“Is this alright, Ryuuzaki?” he asked sardonically without turning as the other stepped out with a towel around his waist as well. “You don’t get to watch what I’m doing when you’re busy showering.” He pulled on his dark green briefs and discarded the towel.

“Are you saying that I should be paying attention to what you do at this time then, Kira?” the investigator riposted flatly, reaching for his dark blue boxers.

Light resisted the violent urge to grab the older man by the shoulders and yell that he wasn’t Kira until it got through the other’s seemingly impenetrable skull, since it wasn’t going to work; the detective’s skull wasn’t impenetrable for no reason. “Don’t you pay attention all the time anyway?” he retorted with mild annoyance, pulling his dark brown shirt over his head.

“There are cameras in this room as well,” the P.I. informed him matter-of-factly, tugging on another of the usual white long-sleeved T-shirts. “The feeds are recorded, and I watch all of them every night, every single angle.”

As he processed the fact that L did, in fact, scrutinize videos of him showering, Light was rather thankful he never got into the common male habit of jerking off in the shower. Suddenly, he felt rather disturbed. “Ryuuzaki.” He glanced at the oddball out of the corner of his eye as he pulled on a pair of khakis. When the other turned to look at him after buttoning and zipping on one of the usual pairs of baggy blue jeans, he tentatively asked, “Are you gay?” Honestly, it was a valid question, since the other never showed the slightest interest whenever Misa was undressing or showering, and while her personality was rather lacking, the model was certainly beautiful enough to attract just about any straight male’s attention. The fact that he’d never seen L show interest in any specimen of female beauty, not even pictures, was suspicious. Even Misa had expressed her opinion that the other was potentially ‘that way,’ as she so delicately put it.

Intense midnight eyes fixed upon him the instant the query left his lips, and he repressed a tiny shudder. “You think so as well, Yagami-kun.” The vague intonation on the sentence left it dubious as to whether it was a question or simply a statement of fact. A thumb rose to pale lips, and the other tilted his head slightly while nibbling contemplatively on the digit. “What would you do if I said yes?”

Light turned to face his roommate fully. “I believe my first impulse would be to run as far away from you as possible,” he answered seriously with forced calm. “However, as that is not an option, I will settle for the fully rational request of an extension to the chains between the handcuffs and an extra bed, so that we may sleep separately.”

There was a long moment of somewhat heavy silence before L suddenly chuckled at that. It caught Light somewhat by surprise as he realized that he’d never heard the older man laugh. The sound was a soft rumble in the other’s chest accompanied with the barest exhalation of shallow breaths, as deep and smooth as the detective’s usually quiet and gentle voice. “I do not believe I am, Light-kun, although I will admit that I perhaps just never considered that possibility. Why do you ask?”

The younger genius relaxed slightly, feeling just a bit awkward for the idea having struck his mind at all, although he still privately felt that his concerns were justified. “I’ve never seen you show any interest in women, that’s all,” he muttered slightly sheepishly.

“And Yagami-kun is concerned because I watch all the videos of him showering,” the investigator surmised quietly, pensive.

“Shouldn’t I be?” the brunet snapped, abruptly rather irritated.

“All I can say is that I am not doing any of this because I want to,” L said simply as he began walking towards the door.

“I’d almost rather you were,” Light muttered bitterly under his breath, keeping his eyes on a tiny bit of black mold developing between the pristine white tiles of the bathroom floor.

That had the P.I. spinning sharply to look at him as he walked past, halting abruptly. “What?”

“I said I’d rather you were doing all this because you were interested in me as something besides the prime suspect of mass homicide!!” Light yelled. He’d slammed the raven-haired man against the closed wooden door of the bathroom by slim shoulders before he’d even realized he was moving. The weight of what he’d just done sunk into him as he looked into stunned wide onyx orbs, and he let his hands on the other’s shoulders fall to his side, taking a step back. “I’m sorry,” he murmured, closing his eyes and breathing deeply to calm himself.

Silence stretched between them for a long moment before the detective turned and opened the door. “So am I,” he whispered before stepping out of the bathroom.

The younger of the two looked up at that, and in that precise moment, noticed the investigator’s hair. Unruly jet black locks were still sopping wet, dripping rivulets of water down a pale back and onto the floor, drenching the other’s shirt and soon the carpet and furniture as well. He let out a small sound of exasperation. At this rate, the carpet, the couch, the chairs and –God forbid- even the bed would be soaked. There was no way to properly stress just how disturbing L’s lack of concern for his appearance and surroundings often was. He reached out and grabbed the other’s pale slender wrist, pulling the older man back towards him as he picked up the hairdryer with his free hand.

Obsidian eyes peered up at him questioningly. “Y-Yagami-kun..?”

“For God’s sake, dry your hair before you drench everything in your path,” he chided by way of explanation as he flipped the switch and began drying the sodden mess. When some of the water began to splatter in the hot gust, he grabbed the nearest towel –his own- from beside the enamel sink and began toweling as he continued blow-drying.

“I do not believe in God,” L responded impassively, although he obligingly remained still.

“I’m not sure I do either. It’s just a manner of speaking,” Light retorted half-heartedly, wondering if the older man was deliberately being cheeky.

“I know…” the detective murmured. “Say, Light-kun, weren’t you just voicing your concerns regarding my sexuality?” His reflection in the mirror was inquisitive as it nibbled lightly on a thumb.

“Compared to having to sleep on a damp bed on one of the few nights I actually get to sleep on a bed at all, I’ll take that risk,” he replied jokingly with a wry grin, fluffing semi-dry hair lightly with the towel. He wasn’t sure which was more unsettling, that L was unconsciously flirting with him or that being aware of the fact didn’t bother him as much as it probably should have.

A tiny smile found its way to the other’s lips as he switched the hairdryer off. L reached for the nearest hairbrush and, holding it between two fingers as usual, pulled it carelessly through his hair several times just to get a few knots out and tug the fluffy strands out of his face, but they simply fell back into their usual state of disorder, and Light found himself thinking that the older man’s hair was as stubborn as the eccentric himself. He trailed the P.I. out of the bathroom, pushing the slightly affectionate thoughts out of his mind as L locked the handcuffs back around both their wrists. The only way to put an end to this nonsense was to capture Kira, and it was best that he focus on doing so. Kira was definitely going to pay for this hell he was being put through; he’d certainly make sure of that.

A/N: Happy White Day, everyone! Please review and tell me what you think~ =)