Zoro Learns Some Manners

…so I’m just borrowing them for the sake of Yaoi. Once I’m done then I promise to wipe them off and give them back ;) Any resemblance to real people is coincidental - these characters are pure fantasy!

Warning: contains a lot of very strong language and steamy Yaoi / boysecks (Zoro x Sanji)

I had an enquiry about notifying people when I update (thanks for the feedback beckysue904!) & I'd be happy to. If you are on Live Journal or FanFiction.net feel free to contact me (same name) and I can let you know ;)

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Usopp turned over in his hammock. He couldn’t sleep. Again. It wasn’t like he wasn’t tired enough; he’d spent every spare minute fixing the damage to the ship from Zoro and Sanji’s ‘training’. He knew it was just an excuse though. The great Usopp had forgotten more about human psychology than most professionals would learn in a lifetime. He knew the truth.


They just wanted an excuse to get away from running around for Nami. And it worked! Normally she’d deafen them if they did nothing but fight and tear the poor Merry up all day. She had always been plenty bossy, but now that she had the sweet smell of money she was even worse. Her idea of getting a bounty from a marine base had Usopp in a cold sweat. He huddled down into his blanket and pulled it over his head. What was she thinking?!


Mind you, there was something weird happening between those two. First they hate each other, then they train together, then they don’t talk to each other, and now they’re fighting in the middle of the night. He could hear Zoro screaming at Sanji from the other end of the ship. Didn’t they sleep?!


He could understand it though. They were probably worried about Nami’s plan too. After all, it was Zoro that she was going to send in. Sanji had tried to convince her that he’d be better at it - probably just trying to impress her - but she was firm. Zoro was going into the marine base and he was bringing the bounty out. Simple.


It was alright for her! She didn’t have to go in and rescue Zoro if anything went wrong. Everyone would be relying on Captain Usopp to make sure it all went smoothly. He could feel the first symptoms of his I-don’t-want-to-get-killed-doing-something-stupid-for-Nami disease.


Maybe Chopper would give him a medical certificate…


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From his position in the crow’s nest of the Going Merry, Zoro could watch the world go by. He was free to take in the beauty of the ocean and do what he pleased. Mostly that meant sleeping, but recently he had a new hobby. He peered down at the cook; he was leaning against the railing and staring out into the sea. Smoking, of course.


Zoro couldn’t see his expression from all the way up here, but he knew what it would be. He smirked. Stupid ero-cook had got himself in a little spot of bother.


Zoro had been pessimistic at first. He had discovered during his hectic life that it was always the safest option. He thought that now Sanji had done… what he had done… that he’d change his attitude towards the swordsman. Not that Zoro cared if he did.


Ok!


He cared.


Shitty cook.


Would Sanji ditch him now that he’d had his way? Would he be just the same teasing pervert that he always was? Or - worst case scenario - would he think he could treat the swordsman like his bitch? He wouldn’t dare. Zoro wouldn’t stand for that kind of crap anyway, so it would pretty much ruin his sex life if Sanji insisted on being a shit about it.


Turned out Zoro was right. It did change the way Sanji treated him. It changed the way he behaved around him, the way he spoke to him, even the way he looked at him.


The day after, Sanji had been awkward and brusque, worse than normal …and Zoro had built up a pretty high tolerance for his arrogant prickery. But he already felt a bit unsure. He’d just done something that he never thought he’d do and that insensitive bastard was making him feel shitty and dirty. True, the sex was fucking incredible… but it didn’t mean that Sanji could treat him like a third rate ingredient and just turf him out of his life.


He should honour his damn actions. It wasn’t like Zoro had encouraged him to do it. Well, not at first anyway…


He’d been about half a minute away from dragging the cook onto the deck and thumping the living daylights out of him when it finally clicked. He recognised this behaviour… he knew what was behind those uncertain shifting eyes.


How the hell had he missed it?


Stupid cook had got himself all worked up and now all he could think of was Zoro… or more likely, his ass.


Served the perverted idiot right.


Zoro grinned down at the blonde’s dejected form. It wasn’t like the swordsman was making him suffer. He wasn’t into mind games and all that psychological foreplay crap. If the blonde wanted him, he was right here waiting. This was all the idiot cook’s doing. He was so worried about what ‘his’ ladies might think that he was too scared to just do what he wanted. What they both wanted.


It had only been a couple of days so the blonde wasn’t fraying too badly yet. He’d cooked and made the obligatory fawning comments over Nami and Robin, but Zoro could see it in his eyes. It was all the swordsman could do not to laugh out loud every time the horny bastard ran off.


That’ll teach you not to bite off more than you can chew.


Of course just because Zoro wasn’t into mind games, it didn’t mean he couldn’t bait the idiot. After all, it wasn’t teasing if he was ready and willing, was it? Plus, he had a vested interest in making sure Sanji changed his mind…


So he trained bare-chested and made sure it was loud. He lounged around the galley being suggestive as hell and he brushed up against that lithe strong body every chance he got. Stupid cook didn’t care that someone else had to go without because of his paranoia, so that was what he got.


Teased to within an inch of his fucking life.


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The coarse stubble on Zoro’s chin had given Sanji a rash. And not just on his face. It was finally fading now, but that was beside the point. They were going to have to land somewhere eventually and when they did, everything was going to be ready. The cook found the swordsman lying in the galley, complacent and scruffy. He was taking up the entire table. Surely there were more comfortable places to take a nap?


“Shave!”


“Mmm on holiday” the swordsman muttered.


Ever since they got back from that damn bar fight, Zoro had decided that he would take a holiday whether they were on the island or not. The bastard was so lazy that it didn’t really make any difference. From what Sanji could see he just got drunk, pestered the cook in the galley and didn’t bother grooming. Oh, and he trained.


…but he didn’t just train. He did it long and loud, with Sanji or without, day or night. Half naked. Shitty marimo asshole knew that he couldn’t do anything with everybody around! What was he playing at?


It made Sanji hurt just looking at him. His cooking was suffering and he couldn’t even flirt properly. In his fantasies, he thought he’d feel so powerful to have subjected the chiselled warrior to his will… but somehow it was the opposite. Having his way with the damn marimo had crippled him. But he wasn’t going to give the bastard the satisfaction of knowing that. No way.


“On holiday? From what? What do you even do around here except get in fights and be an asshole?”


Zoro contemplated this for a minute. Well, that was what Sanji hoped he was doing; he might have just fallen back asleep.


“Not that you don’t do both of those well, but you sure as hell aren’t on holiday from being an asshole, so I guess that leaves…” he swept his leg up and bought it down on Zoro’s offensive green head. It was a half-hearted kick; Usopp had a little chat to him about the galley door - poor bastard. Zoro redirected the force with his forearm; he didn’t bother opening his eyes.


“Nope, still fighting too” Sanji glared down at the aho-marimo. He was so damn frustrating.


Zoro finally raised his head and gave the blonde a quizzical look. His brow was all furrowed and his eyebrows huddled together. In fact, it looked like he was thinking… and it hurt. Sanji stifled the urge to ask him if it did. If he put Zoro in one of his moods, he’d never get the bastard to shave.


“Do I have to drop my pants and show you the delicate shade of lobster you’ve turned my privates with your personal supply of sandpaper?” he hissed.


Zoro sat up and smirked at him. Sanji pointed to the door with a distinct look of get-out-and-go-shave-you-abrasive-bastard. Zoro scratched his green bristles and narrowed his dark eyes.


“What?!”


“I’m waiting.” Zoro gestured towards Sanji’s pants.


“Kami! You’re a nightmare! What did I do to deserve you?!”


“Well, I seem to remember you practically begging me to fuck you.”


“And I seem to remember you literally begging me.” Seemed like Zoro was suffering from chronic selective memory. This whole stupid frustrating situation was his idea!


Zoro’s eyes twinkled with mischief “You mean like this?” he slid across the table and brushed the cook’s ear with his lips, “Fuck me, Sanji…” he whispered, “Fuck me right here on the t…”


“Out. Shave. Now!”


Sanji pushed him out the door and then leaned back and laughed. Idiot. What was he going to do with the man? He was grumpy, annoying, sweaty, gruff, permanently horny, and completely refused to take instruction. Why on earth did he make Sanji feel so… flustered? So desperately horny and frustrated at the same time…


It wasn’t just because he couldn’t have him when he wanted to. None of the girls he’d been with made him feel this way. Come to think of it, neither had the ones he hadn’t been with. They’d made him desperately horny, true. But this was something different. It wasn’t like having someone of your own… and it wasn’t like it was with Nami - dreaming impossible dreams… It was…. He was….


A challenge.


And Sanji never backed down from a challenge.


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Zoro stared up at the ceiling. It was the middle of the night and he could hear the cook breathing. He counted the planks on the ceiling left to right one more time. Forty-four. Same number that there were the last how ever many damn times he had counted them. He kept thinking about what had happened between them. Normally he just let things happen. It was a good way to deal with the world. Wait and see and then react when the time is right. Why was he awake, then? Why couldn’t he stop wondering whether Sanji thought there was something more happening between them?


It couldn’t happen. If he was going to be the best then nothing could get in his way. No matter how gorgeous and blonde and horny it was… That was another thing. The cook had been behaving so weird. And not just desperately horny weird. He was still bitching and fighting with Zoro like normal - which was good - but sometimes when the swordsman teased him, instead of spitting venom he blushed. He actually blushed!


Zoro had laughed the first time but Sanji had got pretty pissed off so he gave it a rest after that. The soft pink on his cheeks made him look even more girly. It didn’t make any sense to Zoro. Why was he blushing? Wasn’t it just a case of two people who happened to be sexually attracted to each other blowing off some steam?


He grumbled at himself for being so stupid. Whatever was happening, he was getting some great sex and that was fine. Whether it kept happening or not, that was also fine. Sanji was not going to want anything more. He was totally in love with himself …and his precious ladies of course.


Their bond as nakama was strong though. Sanji had always been there when he needed someone to watch his back. They worried together about Usopp and Chopper, kept on eye on Luffy together, fought together, laughed together… He wasn’t that bad really, aside from the whole my-life-as-a-doormat routine. Maybe it wouldn’t be that much different if something did happen. They already cared about each other a lot, just as comrades.


The swordsman sighed.


Enough.


This was ridiculous. He relaxed his body and prepared to meditate. It always helped him to calm his racing thoughts and focus on what mattered: his goal. Anyway, he’d need to be able to concentrate the next day when he went to collect that damn bounty. Black Blood had been out cold in the bottom of the hull for about a week now. Chopper said he was fine but Zoro thought it was a bit of an indignity for such a great fighter. Nami insisted that he was too dangerous to even be conscious, let alone roaming the ship. Zoro considered it admirable to inspire so much fear, but Nami didn’t really understand the honour that bound warriors together. She had given the swordsman detailed instructions right down to how to get to the front door.


He’d only gone off course a tiny bit!


He closed his eyes and listened to the soft familiar sounds of night. The wind in the sails, the waves washing against the hull, the hammocks creaking as they swayed, and the soft sound of Sanji breathing.


He dreamed a dream he shared with a dark haired girl, about a man who fulfilled his childhood promise and made the earth tremble at his name.


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“That disguise looks really good on you” said Zoro, as Sanji considered his reflection in the girl’s mirror. It was true that the dark blue of the velvet set off his peaches and cream complexion. But Sanji knew Zoro wasn’t thinking of that.


“I’m not falling for that, asshole” he said, turning and checking that his ass looked good. It did. How this thing would even fit muscle head he didn’t know.


“Well, I’m not wearing the damn thing!”


“Nami-san said you were wearing it, so guess what?” Sanji displayed that lovely dangerous smile.


“I’m not fucking wearing it.”


“YOU’RE WEARING IT!!!” Nami’s voice cut through the hull and made Zoro’s head throb. How did she do that? She was his personal curse. Damn sea witch.


Sanji stepped close to whisper, “Anyway, you’d look hot in it.”


Zoro’s dark eyes narrowed as he turned them on the blonde.


“I’m not falling for it either, ero-cook.”


“Fine” Sanji leaned in until his warm breath ticked Zoro’s ear “I was just thinking how I’d like to take it off, but if you don’t want to wear it…” Sanji was cut off as rough lips pressed down into his; Zoro literally swept him off his feet. Damn he could move fast when he wanted to. The cook turned his head away sharply.


“Put me down!” he hissed “Nami will hear you!” Zoro shrugged and dropped him on the floor. Sanji landed on his hands and turned fast, aiming a sweeping kick at Zoro’s knees. The swordsman jumped back and sprawled himself across Nami’s bed.


Impudent bastard.


“Make your mind up” he said, smirking “Oh, and by the way, you really do look good in that.”


Sanji stifled the urge to kill and took a deep breath. He looked at his reflection in the mirror. It was a little over the top… It would probably suit Zoro better. It was pretty good though considering the ideas that Nami had come up with to start. Sanji had managed to talk her down, thank Kami. Usopp had even suggested an afro. Zoro nearly killed him.


He took off the hat and mask and threw them at the bed.


“Put it on” he ordered.


“Take it off” Zoro growled.


Sanji stepped closer and whispered, “I told you nothing is happening until we’re on solid ground. You’re too damn noisy”


“I can’t put it on unless you take it off, idiot.”


Smug bastard would be the death of him.


“No earrings, no swords” Sanji said, hurling clothes at Zoro as he tried to get changed in the least sexy way possible “we have to do this properly.”


Zoro just slouched around on the bed and stared at the blonde’s ass and his crotch, depending on which way Sanji was facing at the time. The man had no social graces.


Sanji finally did his jacket up and glared down at the lounging swordsman. There were a thousand things that he wanted to say to him but he didn’t trust himself to say any of them at a volume where his sweet Mellorine wouldn’t overhear every word. The marimo was totally selfish. He didn’t give a shit that Sanji was going through hell - he was only out to sate his own lust. If he could just keep his hands to himself and wait until they got to the next island then everything would be fine. Instead, he did whatever he wanted and sulked if anyone got in his way. He was completely insufferable!


Somehow, he was addictive though …and now that Sanji had got a taste, he was hooked. The man was just like cigarettes. He was glad that he had been able to fuss over the ladies and help Nami plan their infiltration. He needed every distraction he could get. He wouldn’t have minded playing about a little with Zoro but he was so loud! And he’d do it anywhere, anytime, so that meant that he might try something in the wrong place… It was all a nightmare!


A big sexy loud screaming-my-name wet dream of a nightmare.


It was much easier to just get lost in the moment and let Nami’s enthusiastic planning carry him away. Her plan was relatively simple - mostly due to the need for moss head to be able to follow it. Zoro would go in ahead of everyone and try to collect the bounty on his own. Robin had found the name of an obscure bounty hunter from the South Blue that might convince them. She would be Zoro’s backup; she’d listen to the conversations and tell everyone if there was trouble and where. If something went wrong, then Luffy would go in after him. Robin would go with the Captain to direct him to Zoro, and to baby sit and make sure he didn’t get distracted. Everyone else would follow if needed. The swordsman was also meant to figure out where the marines kept their gold, but it seemed pretty unlikely that he’d be able to. This was Zoro, after all.


Useless marimo would get lost in his own hammock.


Maybe Robin could direct him with her arms… might be the only way to get the idiot back out. He didn’t worry about the swordsman being hurt. As he’d found out, he seemed to like it… but he did worry about him getting lost in some dingy catacombs and never seeing the light of day again. It would be just like the selfish bastard to get the cook all riled up and then just bugger off.


Stupid. Self-absorbed. Bloody. Idiot.


If only he wasn’t so fucking unbelievable in bed.


Damn it all.


Sanji had turned his back while Zoro was getting changed. The last thing he needed was to watch the swordsman strip off and parade around the room like a peacock.


“Are you done?” the cook snapped. Silence.


“Well?!”


He could hear the rustling of fabric as Zoro adjusted the outfit. Sanji was just trying to figure out if he wanted to see or not. If Zoro looked funny, that would be fine. But if he looked hot…


Not that the cook had a choice; Nami had decided that he was going to walk Zoro around Vesper Island to the base so he didn’t wander off. She hadn’t quite forgiven the swordsman for the unnecessary detour yet.


Sanji finally gave up on polite communication and turned around. He took in the swordsman in all his finery. He hadn’t got the cloak on yet, but the rest was all present and accounted for. The big black leather boots and gloves. The black dress pants and long black military jacket. The open necked white frilled shirt and the wide belt holding a single cutlass instead of three katanas. There were two wide straps going from hip to shoulder crossing the swordsman’s bronzed chest, he was fiddling with one of the buckles trying to get it to sit flat. It made his pectoral muscles and his broad shoulders even more prominent. In fact, it was probably the closest thing to presentable the swordsman had ever been. He certainly looked a lot better than Sanji had…


Bastard.


Zoro finally did the last clasp up and picked up the blue velvet cloak. He looked out at Sanji from under the broad brim of the three cornered hat and scowled.


“You can’t be serious.”


“I told you, it’s this or the afro” Sanji smirked.


Zoro’s stare was made even blacker by the mask which covered the top half of his face. It made it look like he was permanently wearing his bandana, and had his head down in that bloodthirsty way of his. It was actually pretty unnerving. Sanji knew then why they had called him a demon.


“It has frills” Zoro stared down at the shirt with his angry black eyes.


“It’s what all the pirates are wearing in the East Blue at the moment. If you want to convince them that you’re a rich playboy then you have to look the part.”


“No self-respecting pirate would wear something like this. I can barely move” Zoro wriggled the straps across his chest “and what is this supposed to be?” he pulled the cutlass out from his belt and held it out, closing his eyes. He opened them slowly and carved the blade through the air in front of the cook. It snapped neatly in two.


“Oi! Watch it, idiot!” Sanji kicked away the end of the blade as it hurtled towards his face. Zoro ignored him.


The swordsman draped the cloak over one shoulder and looked up at the blonde with those simmering eyes. Aside from the still-to-be-blacked mossy hair just visible, he looked every part the nobleman. He was certainly arrogant and haughty enough to be Eric Rothbury: playboy, bounty hunter, and swashbuckler. Sanji just prayed that no-one invited him to have a meal. His table manners would mark him as the violent slob he was in a second.


The cook picked up the two halves of the cutlass. Lucky they had a spare. If Usopp had to fix one more thing Sanji was pretty sure he’d snap. They really had to get a shipwright. He turned away to the door and allowed himself just two seconds of fuck-he-looks-hot before he took a deep breath, and got serious.


“Come on meat head. Let’s do this.”


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