Poisoned Rationality

Mello awoke feeling like his eyes had been punched from the inside. There was no way of knowing what time of day it was, the light was diffused through their closed bedroom curtains. It seemed like all that they had done, since arriving home from Japan, was sleep. He reached out for his watch and learned that it was three o\'clock in the afternoon. They were in England, after some heated discussion wherein the other option had been America. He had personally been asleep for fourteen hours, on top of the twelve hours he\'d slept yesterday. Beside him, Matt was still dead to the world, the quilt pulled up right over his head.



Yawning, Mello would have drifted off again, but for a banging on the front door. It must have been what woke him in the first place. He would have left them to it, but for the vague sense that he was wasting his life in bed. Mello sighed heavily and climbed out, rotating his head to remove the cricks from his neck. As a third knock came, he pulled his trousers on, mentally resolving to buy a dressing gown, and ran to answer the door. Outside, two delivery men were surprised in the act of leaving. A huge crate was being held on a trolley between them. It had to be their belongings from the warehouse in Japan.



"If you could just sign and date here." One of them held out an electronic pad, which Mello scrawled upon. His signature was illegible.



"Sorry, I have no idea what the date is."



"February 1st." The younger man replied, staring rudely at Mello\'s scar.



"Right." Mello yawned and was partway through writing it, when memory rushed back. "February 1st? Are you sure?" Both men confirmed that this apparently startling fact was true, then helped Mello manhandle the crate into the hallway. "Thank you." He closed the door behind them and stood against it, trying to work out where the last three days had gone. There had been packing and a long flight, that much was certain. They must have spent the 30th and 31st asleep. "Shit, shit, shit." Mello rubbed his eyes. Then sighed again. "Oh shit."



Mello returned to the bedroom via the bathroom, brushing his teeth and making himself presentable. The water helped wake him more fully, but he had already made his decision. Even if he ran out to the shops now, Matt could wake in the meantime. Instead, Mello sat on the edge of his lover\'s side of the bed and leaned over him. He pulled back the top edge of the quilt until he found a head. "Wakey-wakey." Mello smoothed back red hair and kissed the cheek he found underneath. "Sleeping beauty. Wake up."



"Urgh?" Matt didn\'t open his eyes, but snuggled further down seeking the covers.



"It\'s nearly half past three." Mello crooned in his ear, leaning closer and easing the quilt away from his face. "On February 1st."



"\'kay."



Mello ran his index finger along the red stubble of Matt\'s jawbone, "Happy birthday."



Matt made a noise which might have been \'thanks\', but didn\'t move and didn\'t open his eyes. His head burrowed slightly into the pillow and he gave every impression that, as far as he was concerned, their conversation was over. Mello smiled and left for the kitchen. Caffeine and nicotine were clearly required before Matt could even consider finding out what his twenties were going to be like. Peering out into the murky day, Mello reappraised the situation. It would only take him an hour to nip into town, raid the games shop and return. They had their vehicles out of storage and the motorcycle ride would help wipe the cobwebs from his mind. But it would look rushed. It would look like they had landed on this day without Mello seeing it coming. The blond frowned, hating the fact that that was precisely because they had. Memories of Kanto and their exchange of rings on his own birthday flooded back. Matt had remembered December 13th. He had been prepared a week before. "Fuck."



There was a pronounced creaking in the other room and Matt appeared in the kitchen, looking like the walking dead. His eyes were still mostly shut, but he already had a cigarette in his mouth. He sat down heavily on a chair and rubbed his face. "I\'m up."



"Tea\'s coming." Mello responded, as brightly as he could muster. "Then I thought we might go out."



"Can\'t we just have February another day?" Matt yawned, his head resting on his hand, his eyes closing properly again. "I\'m still jet-lagged."



"Matt, you are twenty years old today and we are going to celebrate it if it kills you." Mello positioned a mug of tea by Matt\'s elbow on the table and took the cigarette out of his mouth, so he could kiss him properly on the lips, before replacing it again. "What do you fancy doing?"



"Dunno. Get a pizza in. Play some games."



Mello sighed, "We do that every other day." He leaned up against the windowsill and took a sip of his coffee. It was instant coffee and tasted too weak. "Matt, I\'ve got a confession to make. I haven\'t had chance to get you anything yet, but..."



"Settles it then. Let\'s call this January 31st and go back to bed." The redhead yawned to emphasise the point. "Honestly, Mell, I don\'t mind. I could sleep for England at the moment."



Mello pointed suddenly, "When was the last time we changed your dressings?"



"Stop looking at my body. Too tired." Matt rubbed his eyes and inspected the loosened, frayed bandaging around his gunshot wound. "I took some pain-killers when it was dark. I\'ll have some more now."



"Right!" Mello pushed away from the window, all decisiveness and action. "You drug yourself into being human again. I\'m having a shower. Then we\'ll sort out your dressings and take it from there." He called back from the hallway. "In the meantime, think about what you want for your birthday and where you\'d like us to go."



Two hours later, they were in Matt\'s car heading towards the city, though Mello was driving. Both smelt of recent showers and aftershave, though their habitual scents of chocolate and cigarette smoke were quickly being reasserted. They were, at least, far more awake now. "Funny how the world without Kira looks just the same as the one with him." Matt commented wryly, staring out of the window. They still had no idea where they were going, beyond the fact that it was into the city. There was more likely to be open in the evening there. Matt had already vetoed carrying on up the motorway into London. "Where\'s the bunting?"



"Give it time. No-one knows he\'s dead yet." There was a catch to Mello\'s tone. They exchanged glances and grinned. None of it seemed real. "Meal, film, club?"



Matt fell silent with the anxiety of the English smoker. He had never been able to smoke in a cinema and had been too polite to do so in the more respectable restaurants, but a nationwide smoking ban made nowhere public an attractive proposition these days. Certainly not a club, where bouncers glared if you dared to consider stepping outside for one. He couldn\'t think of a single place he would like to go, but plenty that he really didn\'t want to visit. He was only sitting in this car, duty-bound as the birthday boy, to allow Mello to salve his conscience by marking the day. It didn\'t feel like an event. His side hurt. "Honestly? I don\'t know. I\'m enjoying the drive though."



"Let\'s drive then." Mello commented mildly, as if he understood. Glancing sidewards, Matt thought that perhaps he might. "What scenery? I could head south and go the coast road." Matt laughed and Mello grinned. "Hurray! You almost sounded happy for a second there."



Matt shrugged and smirked. Knowing that he wasn\'t going to be forced to face the general public, he even started to relax. "Do you think it feels weird?" He stared at the lights of on-coming traffic. "That we won."



"Your faith in us touches and warms my heart, Matt."



"No, I mean that it\'s over." He lit another cigarette. "Like, what happens now?"



Mello stared ahead, keeping his expression neutral and his voice airy, as if the same questions weren\'t besieging him too. "We drive." Then, spoken as an afterthought, though he had already asked it several times. "And you decide what you want for your birthday."



"I\'ve thought of five things."



"Really?" Mello blinked. This was a definite advance on half an hour before, when Matt had still been saying, \'I dunno, I don\'t want anything.\' "Please share."



"Depends how much you want to spend."



Mello sighed, "Just fucking tell me."



"Ok," Matt sat up straighter. "I\'d like a whopper and fries; a can of lager; a gamecard, because there\'s something I want next month that isn\'t out yet." He trailed away, until Mello cast a long-suffering look in his direction. "Still thinking about the fourth one, I don\'t know if I do want it, erm, I\'m thinking. Erm, the fifth one depends on whether you were bullshitting in Japan or not."



"What are they?"



"The fourth or fifth?"



Mello rolled his eyes, snapping out, "Both!"



Matt laughed at him, then shrugged. "I\'m thinking of getting a tattoo. Don\'t know what yet. Got some ideas. Dunno." He watched for Mello\'s reaction, but the blond just shrugged back. "Were you being honest about buying a place outright for us? So we don\'t have to worry about rent? Because honestly keeping a roof over our heads while we\'ve been galavanting all over the world has been a right pain in the fucking arse. I\'m amazed we\'re still in there and up to date with the rent."



"You really have no idea how wealthy I am. It\'s all dodgy money, but it\'s there. You find the place and I\'ll buy it. Find two if you like." Mello signalled and turned into a drive-in burger chain. "What you having?" Though Mello hated grease, he had the same as Matt before spotting the desserts and choosing everything with chocolate in it. They ate as they drove, Matt holding the chips between them, so that Mello could dip in, inspect it distastefully, then eat it. He did it with every chip and still came back for more. "Are you sure you\'re having fun?"



"It depends. Whose name will this place of ours be in?"



"What does it matter?" Mello frowned. "Put it in yours if it makes you feel more secure."



"No, well, yes, that as well now you mention it. But I meant we haven\'t actually got names that we can use." Matt shrugged, picking the pickled gherkin off Mello\'s burger and handing it back. "I can\'t put Matt and Mello on the deeds." He ate the gherkin. "Oh, don\'t worry, I\'ll make us some fake identities and hack the bank again or something."



"Or just use the names on our passports." Mello grinned. "I know that mine doesn\'t say Mihael Keehl."



Matt\'s head shot up and his jaw dropped. "I can\'t believe you just said that out loud."



"Why, Mail? Kira\'s dead and no-one else is listening." Mello smirked. Then his gaze took in the dashboard, his thoughts transparent. Had either of them checked this car for bugs since it had come out of storage? Mello caught sight of Matt looking around too and burst out laughing. "Sorry, it\'s just funny." He gave up on the burger, disliking the notion that his stomach was filling up with vegetable fat. "So, tattoo. What and where?"



"SuperMario on my arse?" Matt\'s grin grew wider at Mello\'s sharp look. "That was a joke. I don\'t know, I just fancied one." He ate Mello\'s burger too. "Kira Pwner, written in Japanese, on my arm? A little Cupid with an arrow and the name Mello over my heart? Perhaps a message on my pelvis, for when you have me gagged and I can\'t tell you myself." He pursed his lips, deep in thought. "I don\'t know, something like \'If God wasn\'t a voyeur, He would never have invented sex. Just get on with it.\'"



Mello snorted, pulling over as he spotted an off licence. "If I thought for one second you were serious, I\'d be forbidding tattoos right now." They parked beside a large gang of teenagers, mostly lads with a couple of young girls in their midst. "What lager do you want?" Mello leaned to get another chip and paused to smile into Matt\'s face. "You really are a cheap date." Matt winked at him and grinned as Mello blew a kiss. "Right, lager?"



"Surprise me." Matt began tidying up the fast food packaging, ready to take it out to the bin. He looked up sharply as Mello left the car to a barrage of homophobic cat-calling. The dozen or so teenagers reacting to what they had just witnessed; taking in now Mello\'s slender, almost feminine form. "Oh... crap." He opened the car door and stood on the edge to call over the top. "Don\'t. Just leave it. Please? It\'s not worth it."



"You trying to threaten me, Nancy boy?" One of the mouthier youths swaggered over to the bonnet. "Reckon you could take me on? Come on then, if you think you\'re hard enough."



On the other side of the car, Mello sighed, "Because you asked nicely and it\'s your birthday."



The teenager, flanked now by two smirking companions, laughed aloud. "You were talking to the pretty boy! Ha! Nice one! Coming to give me a kiss, sweetie?" His mouth made loud popping noises. Behind him, the others were laughing loudly. Mello closed the door and stepped more fully into the light. For the first time, his scar was revealed and his eyes narrowed. "Fuck! What happened to you!"



Mello unzipped his jacket, letting the leather fall apart to reveal a glimpse of the semi-automatic in his waistband. "You are a very, very lucky boy." He growled, taking a few steps around the wing. "Because him over there?" He indicated Matt with a nod. "He still has a conscience, whereas I..." He let the sentiment hang, snapping off chocolate and smiling. Even Matt, who had seen this routine before, and had worked out the psychology of fear behind it, felt his skin prickling. Mello carried on walking, until he was right up against the ringleader, who stepped back scattering his friends into each other. Eyes blazing over a truly evil smirk, Mello reached Matt, gathered him into his arms and kissed him hard. A few voices at the back started loudly moaning, \'Urrghh!\', but those at the front were silent. Mello released his lover, noting the raised eyebrows and smile, then took the rubbish from him. "Here." Mello thrust it into the nearest youth\'s hand. "Put that in the bin for me, like a good kid." With that, he marched off into the off-licence, leaving Matt alone with them.



Matt leaned against the car, looking up at the stars and smoking his cigarette. Four feet away, the group of teenagers seemed awkward, none of them knowing what to say anymore. There was some giggling at the back. Matt noticed the youth deposit the rubbish into the bin, before returning to nonchalently kick the pavement at the edge of his friends. "Tell me," Matt spoke suddenly, "if it hadn\'t turned out that we were scary motherfuckers, what would you have done?" Silence. "I\'m just wondering where you get off trying to intimidate people like that."



"Dunno what you mean, man." Someone from the middle called.



Matt blew smoke-rings in the chilly air. "I\'ve been too busy stopping you getting killed to actually think about how I\'m going to react. After all that was my," he paused, deliberately, "friend, who you just insulted when he first got out this car; and I haven\'t been in a fight for, oh, days." Matt smirked. "I really don\'t like your attitude." He threw his cigarette indiscriminately into the centre of them. There was a yelp as it hit someone\'s face. "In fact, I\'ve had it up to here with people thinking it\'s ok to abuse random strangers in the street."



"You fucking burned me, you arsehole!" A hooded fifteen year old charged out of the gang, to be held back by a larger youth. This one had been at the front and had witnessed Mello in full glare. There were whispers within about guns.



"Yes, I\'d be very careful about guns if I was you." Matt stepped around the bonnet, and leaned on it, unzipping his jacket. Across the way, a tinkling of bells signalled the return of his lover, carrier bag in hand. "Live by the gun and die by it. Don\'t you know?" They got a glimpse of the dressing and the Beretta in Matt\'s hand, cradled against his stomach. Some moved back, others stood staring in horrified fascination. Mello\'s shadow fell over him and Matt looked up into his quizzical expression. "Sorry, just chatting with these children about respect for strangers. I think that the next time they see two men kissing, they\'ll think, \'oh, isn\'t that romantic\' and walk on by."



"Right." Mello yawned, though there was no sign of tiredness in his eyes anymore. "If you\'ve finished happening to them, shall we go?"



"\'kay." Matt replied mildly, taking the carrier and sloping off back into the passenger seat. Mello smiled at the silent onlookers, blew a kiss at his erstwhile challenger and returned to drive them away. "That was fun."



"When did you turn into a hard-faced bastard?"



"When did you learn to control your temper in public?" Matt shrugged. "And start snogging me with an audience?"



"You loved it." Mello grinned. "Though, to be honest, that was risky. We shouldn\'t be waving guns around in public like that. We\'re going to end up noticed, not to mention arrested. Who would you rather bailed us out? Near or the Mafia?"



"Point." He opened a can. "I\'m enjoying my birthday though, thank you."



"You\'re welcome."