I Could Get Used To This

DN Mpreg Ch. IX:

L could not speak. Strong hands were wrapped around his neck, thumbs pressing his windpipe down and blocking all air, and the person attached to those hands was Light Yagami. He sat on L's hips and choked the detective. The handcuff on Light's wrist felt icy cold against his cheek. He couldn't swallow any saliva as the brunette's grip on him tightened. No sounds escaped from his mouth nor did his clawing attempts at those dreadful hands do much good. Light's lips were curved into a wicked smirk. His eyes had changed again to dark and gleaming with evil. They were red, demonic eyes...eyes of Shinigami. They were the eyes of Kira, but L could not scream.

Because he was dying silently.

Obsidian eyes opened, awakening him from his nightmare. Light slept soundly curled into him, looking like the most perfected beauty even in sleep. L unwrapped his arm that was draped over him and rolled away opposite of the sleeping beauty. It was not the nightmare itself that scared him, but the fact that he knew what consequences there were, and yet he allowed himself to be pulled under. Light did not need to lay anymore traps for him, for L had found them all. However, he would not allow himself to fall any deeper into this. They did could not and would not have a relationship.

L could not afford to allow anything to blind his judgement.
___________________________________________________________

Groans from waking dribbled out of Light's lips as he slowly pulled himself to consciousness. He scratched his pubic hair beneath his shorts and rolled over. Slowly it came to him that he was waking up on his own and not by L's constant prodding and poking. He had waken by his own accord, still a little before the crack of dawn like always, but it was the fact that what woke him up was not L sitting on his stomach or shaking his shoulder. He turned his head to see if the detective was still asleep, but L was sitting up on the other side of the bed with his back to him.

"Ryuuzaki?" Light called out his name, his voice still hoarse with sleep and crust still making his eyelids stick together, "Do you need to go to the bathroom?" Light had grown used to L's prerequisite needs to hurry to the bathroom in the mornings.

"No, I'm fine today, Light-kun," answered the detective. He rose himself off the bed and stretched his arms, making the chain grow tight and jingle. "Are we ready to get up?"

Light looked at the older man and blinked. "Yeah..." He rose up on his feet and placed his hand on L's shoulder. "Are you okay, Ryuuzaki?"

Dark eyes looked at him, today they seemed somewhat preoccupied. "I'm fine," the detective said again, "We need to get dressed."

Light's brow wrinkled but he nodded and the two proceeded to change into cleaner clothes for the day. It was too early for the others to arrive, so Light and L went into the kitchen instead. "I'll make coffee," Light suggested. But L quickly shifted to the pantry, making the other unable to reach the coffee pot. "Ryuuzaki!" Light whined.

L did not even bother answering him. He opened the pantry and began filing through the assorted canned and boxed foods to find what he was looking for.

"Do you want coffee or not?" Light asked, hands on his slender hips.

"Yes, but I'm also in the mood for something else." Light rolled his eyes, expecting L to pull out some very sugary treat or concoction from within the pantry's contents but was surprised when the sugar-loving detective pulled out a jar of none other than peanut butter. L opened the jar and dipped his long slender fingers into the gooey substance before taking a huge blob and proceeded to place is it his mouth. He sucked on his finger for a while until all the peanut butter had gone and again dipped his fingers in the jar.

Light stared at him with his eyes narrowed in disgust. "Ryuuzaki, that's disgusting! Someone else might want to eat some peanut butter, too."

Dark eyes lifted up to him. "Does Yagami-kun wish to have some?"

The younger suspect blinked at him. 'Yagami-kun?' L had not called him that since their first introduction. Most likely it was just a mistake of words. L called everyone by their surnames, so most likely he had grown used to it and simply made that mistake. And L most likely didn't catch on it as he was too busy eating peanut butter straight out of the jar, which still made Light sick.

"Can you at least make a sandwich or something?" he asked when he finally got around to making coffee.

"I'm not in the mood for sandwiches."

"So you're just 'in the mood' for peanut butter?" He watched as L licked the goo off his knuckles, making him look like a cat. Light opened the silverware drawer and handed L a spoon. "Don't use your fingers. That's nasty."

"Thank you, Yagami-kun." L picked up the spoon and scooped up more peanut butter and licked it off the spoon, unaware of the look he was getting from the person attached to the other side of the chain. He did it again, calling him by his surname and not his first. Was he doing it on purpose? Light wouldn't say but when L didn't call him 'Light-kun', he felt hurt by it.

"L..." Light used his infamous name instead of his alias "Ryuuzaki".

"Hm?" The detective turned his head up to look at the brunet. Whether it was naturally or the way the kitchen lights reflected, Ryuuzaki's eyes were shining. The same way they shone when they were making love. Those brightly lit eyes that sparkled like black diamonds made L look very beautiful. His crow-feather black hair complimented his pale skin. He licked a smudge of peanut butter off his lips and Light felt himself move closer to those lips, but when he got just close enough, L turned his head away. Confused, Light pulled back slightly.

"We should talk," L said, looking back up at the other, "You should know that what we're doing together, Yagami-kun, is wrong. The best for both of us to do is to put an end to it immediately."

Light's brow wrinkled. "What...What exactly are you saying, Ryuuzaki?"

"We need to stop having an intimate relationship. I am a detective and you are a suspect. Having a sexual relationship will cause both of us harm. We will get nowhere out of it. There's no future for us together."

"So..." Light's eyes darted back and forth in thought before looking back onto L's, "So, you're breaking up with me?" He stood up straight and ran a quick hand through his hair, "I can't...I can't even fucking believe this."

"There's no need for such language, Yagami-ku--"

"Quit fucking calling me that!" Light yelled, "Dammit Ryuuzaki, could you at least have the courtesy to tell someone that you don't want to see them again when they're not fucking attached to you twenty-four seven?"

"I didn't say I didn't want to see you, Yagami-kun."

"I said to quit calling me that!" Light hoisted L up from his chair by grabbing the front of his shirt, "When you break up with someone, you don't want to see them! You don't tell someone the relationship is over when they're chained to you all the time!"

"But we do not have a relationship," L said, his hands on Light's arm to keep him from causing any harm, "You and I only participated in acts of intercourse that didn't mean anything."

'...didn't mean anything...'

"It should be you and Misa-san that is having a relationship, not you and I."

"I'm not in love with Misa!"

When the words tumbled out of his mouth, they hung in the air between them. It wasn't what he spoke that created such a thickness; the only one who seemed oblivious to Light's feelings toward Misa was Misa herself. It was what might have been said afterwards that created the heavy tension. The unspoken words that never made their way out from between his lips had brought an unfinished message that would not be safe for anyone to hear, so it was never heard.

But the tension still rested on them.

Light removed his hands and L settled back down on the chair. The overly large shirt was wrinkled by Light's grip.

"Light-kun..."

"No," Light said, not raising his voice but keeping it rather low, "Don't fucking talk to me right now."

"....All right."

Across the table from one another, they sat in complete silence. Light made himself a cup of coffee, but did not take many sips from it. Instead he used it to warm his hands and to give him something to stare at. The cloudy brown liquid did not show his reflection, but he could see the kitchen light above him. L continued to eat peanut butter with a spoon. His stomach gave a hungry gurgle so Light got up and retrieved a bowl and poured himself some cereal.

"Want anything?" Light asked aloud to L but not facing him.

"No thank you."

Light took his bowl and sat back down at the table. Usually during these awkward situations, he would pretend to read the newspaper, but there was not one around so he stared into his bowl of milk and flakes. Eating cereal gave him something to do. However, his curiosity got the better of him and he lifted his eyes up to see L. The raven head had finished off the entire jar of peanut butter and was staring at the jar with the spoon inside. Light opened his mouth to criticise him, but he closed it. What did he care about the others strange eating habits? For all he cared, L could croak from sugar overdose and vitamin deficiency.

'No, I don't,' he thought after that bitter thought, 'I'm just mad.'

"Light-kun." The brunet took his time to lay down his spoon and look back at the detective who still had those glowing black eyes. "We should get going. It's almost time for the others to come."

Light didn't say anything but rose from his seat to dump his bowl in the sink. Then he followed L down the stairs, always behind him, always being lead by the chain like a dog on a leash. The computers were all ready turned on and waiting for them by Watari. A list of recent deaths laid on the table that they both worked at, but the earlier rate of criminals had fluctuated from previously and without any motivation, L was not an aiding member. Soichirou and Matsuda were the first to arrive and they would be the last to leave like always. Soon followed was Aizawa, Mogi, Ukita, and Ide. The October air brought cold winds so coats were hung on the stand. Light set to work immediately so he would not have to pay attention to his other side where L was once again, sitting opposite in a chair and spinning around.

Something popped up on L's computer and after he read it, he gave a discontented grunt.

"What is it?" Light asked, too curious to ignore it.

"It appears that my blood tests were inconclusive," L said, "So we're going to have to visit the doctor's again and retake the tests."

"Inconclusive?"

"Meaning they screwed it up." And L was back to sulking. After his last doctor's appointment, it was no wonder why having to return made him depressed.

Light rolled his eyes. Yes, L was a genius detective and one of the best and cleverest investigators, but he was also very childish. Unless he was motivated, he sulked and did very little work. Something had better come up or...Light leaned forward in his seat to look closely more at the information he had just typed. There was something here, something that L had not picked up on. If he just changed this...fixed this...

Of course! It suddenly struck him of what it was they were dealing with. He brought up the past material and notes from the previous months and compared them. Over the past few days, while L was still being stubborn and depressed, Light had asked Matsuda for all the notes and programs they had previously taken. Beside him, L dropped a few sugar cubes in his mouth. The teenager compared the notes Matsuda had given him. He knew it. There was something strange about these.

"Ryuuzaki," Light said, "I'm sorry you have no motivation, but can you look at this?"

"Hm?" L leaned over in his chair and looked at Light's monitor.

"Look closely at this," the brunet said, "Isn't it this unbalanced? And this one at a sudden growth."

He watched amused as the detective's eyes grew larger and the dull look was replaced with interest. "Yagami-kun..."

"What do you think?" Light asked, smirking a tiny bit, "Has some motivation come out?"

"If this is connected to Kira, then Kira's real intention is not necessarily to punish criminals but something else..."

"He might be killing crooks and pretending that it is of moral sanctions, but perhaps he is doing it for his own benefit."

"Once Light-kun mentioned about how adults would use the power for their own gain, and this might be the case," the detective prattled on, his large dark eyes darting around the monitor, "But supposing that once Kira and the Second Kira were both active at once. It's possible that this Kira is not the one who's been punishing criminals." He placed his hand on the back of Light's chair. "It's impressive that you dug this one up."

Light's caramel eyes shifted over to look at L. He wasn't sure whether to retort or ignore that Kira test question, but lucky for him, he would not need to.

"I helped him a lot, too, Ryuuzaki," Matsuda said, glowing proudly in need for some of L's attention.

"It's all thanks to this program that allows me to access any data of the police, public offices, and the secret services across the world." Light's quick fingers tapped against the keys. Matsuda and L were both breathing over his neck, watching the monitor with awe. "To be honest, I didn't have a clue where to start, so I went back to the very beginning to verify the theory of Kira being in Japan.

"Considering that out of all the criminals Kira killed, the majority of them were Japanese," Light continued, "I was convinced that Kira obtained the information about those criminals from the Japanese media. And I presumed that there would've been some deaths that were caused by heart attacks but not associated with Kira. So I traced back all the deaths caused by heart attacks, including non criminals. If it were not for this program, it would've taken me ages."

"And that's where I came in real handy, Ryuuzaki," Matsuda piped up again. It was almost pitying of how desperate the other male was to get Ryuuzaki's approval, and yet, the detective's eyes remained directly on the screen or on Light.

The teenager looked at the crouched detective next to him, then went back into his lecture. "I was going to scan the recent five months and then look into each detail, but then I came to notice these particular three." He moved the mouse in the general area on the graph where he was talking about. "If it was only a couple, I might have taken them for a coincidence, but not three."

Light brought up a chart he had composed of people dying of heart attacks recently, their time of death, and occupational positions. "Roppei Tamiya, the manager of the Development Planning Department of Sekimaru-Corp; Kouji Aoi, the vice-director of the System Integration Division of Aoi Agency; Takeyoshi Morita, the ex-chairman of the Yotsuba Group. All three were once posted at an important position in a company that is major enough to represent Japan, and they all died of heart attacks."

The detective swallowed hard. Light's voice seemed to wrap around him like silk. The way he had put all this information together and in such a simple and still detailed way...it was...making L rather hot. He licked his thumb that was placed between his lips. He could feel his heart give a quicken pace as Light's voice lulled his brain into a lustrous goo. He still heard and understood it all, but he could not help wondering if there was a way for him to get Light alone and in a closet somewhere without anyone suspecting.

No. He could not do that. No matter how...arousing Light was at times, it was wrong no matter the circumstance. L shifted slightly, making it look like he was getting more comfortable, but in actuality, he was trying to rid himself of the sudden tightness of his pants.

"So next I went digging around in those three companies; Sekimaru, Aoi, and Yotsuba," the younger suspect went on, "The price of Yotsuba's share is rising steadily, while Sekimaru's and Aoi's are dropping down."

"Then you searched for any kind of death related to those companies..." L looked down at his hand, which he seemed to have placed on Light's shoulder sometime and removed it.

"Uh huh," Light said, typing away again, "And look. Look how many I found: thirteen convenient losses for Yotsuba over the recent three months. Barely a couple of those deaths were profitable from other companies' point of view. All of those deaths were accidental or by illness, except for those three heart attacks and one suicide. And this week, another two were punished by Kira for bribery."

"It was also around three months ago that I imprisoned Yagami-kun," L said, "And the killings stopped temporarily, then started again...something smells fishy..."

"I know." Light looked at L, the seriousness of an investigator present, "What do you think? For me, I can only see it as Kira backing Yostuba."

"...but then that means..."

"Yes."

And they both came to the same conclusion.

"Kira can kill people with more than just heart attacks!"

Ebony and mahogany eyes stared into one another. Why L didn't choose a later day to sever all sexual ties with Light, he did not know, for he had not been so aroused as he was right there, in front of everybody.

"This is big stuff," Matsuda suddenly interjected, making L almost jump.

"Yes...yes it is." L mentally thanked the naive man, because now he had a reason to look away from Light. What could he do about his not-so-little problem? He looked at Matsuda, imagining what the man looked like without any clothes on, and that did not help matters since most likely Touta Matsuda had a pretty nice build underneath the suit.

"Ryuuzaki, Yagami-kun," came Watari's voice from behind them, "The car is ready for us."

L looked back to see him.

....

That worked.

L removed himself from his chair and stood up straight, or as straight as he usually stood, and did not need to cover up anything. Light stood up, too. The three of them repeated the same trip as last time the exact same way, driving down to the office and going through the side entrance into the private office, except this time Dr. Uramura was all ready waiting for them.

"Ken'ichi-kun," she said, nodding her head, "If you'll follow me, please. And, if you don't mind my request, would it be okay if he remains here?" She tilted her head towards Light.

"I don't see why he needs to," L said, "He was here for my last trip."

"I'll keep him attached to me," Watari said, "That way you can go through your exam without any obstacles and have some privacy."

L looked at his older caretaker, then slightly nodded his head. Watari fished the key out of his jacket pocket and un-cuffed L's wrist and then clasped the handcuff on his own wrist. He rubbed his naked wrist as it felt strange not to have the metal wrapped around it.

"This way, please."

L followed the doctor once again into the little examination room where he was previously. Even the nurse was inside just like before. He climbed back up on the patient table and sat on the paper covering.

"We're just going to take blood from you today," Dr. Uramura said, taking out the vials and needle like last time, "And you'll be getting your results before you leave." She tapped the skin below his elbow and searched for a good vein. His pale skin made it easier for one to be found, and she stabbed the needle inside and began collecting blood that quickly flowed into the tubes. "By the way, have you been taking any dietary supplements?"

L blinked at her. "No."

"Okay. Any other kind of medicine?"

"No, I've told you before."

"Of course." She took another vial and sealed and labelled them. "I'll just take these to the lab and will return shortly."

With a flick of her white coat, she was out the door. L stared at the thick wooden door, then looked at the nurse sitting on the stool. She smiled cutely at him again.

"Oh!" She suddenly jumped up from her stool and filed through the doctor's things and took out a clipboard and pen...just like last time. "Would it be okay if I ask you some questions?"

He nodded his head. "Yes, it is fine."

"Great! Now, let's see..." She chewed on the tip of her pen while her beady little eyes darted across whatever was attached to the clipboard, "Oh! Have your...erm, nipples been sensitive?"

L's eyebrows lifted. "Um...a little."

She scribbled it down. "Do you feel more sleepy?"

L blinked, thinking back. "I fall asleep more easily."

Again, she scribbled it down. "Have you been having any mood swings?"

"Not that I am aware of..." 'Liar,' said the Light inside his head.

"Do you have increase cervical discharge?"

"Excuse me?"

"Um...Have you been having any cramps recently?"

"....off and on."

"Does it feel like something is moving inside you?"

L gave the nurse a strange look. "Something moving...inside me?"

"Let's skip that one!" L raised an eyebrow. "Have you been having any food cravings?"

"Cake, peanut butter, pickles....tuna on occasion. Is this really relevant to my health?"

"Yes, it is," the nurse said quickly, "Any headaches?"

L looked back on the investigation team, the case, Matsuda, Misa, and Light.... "Not too bad." 'Liar,' said the annoying Light in his head.

"And you mentioned earlier that you've been feeling bloated. And some vomiting during the day?"

"I haven't today and yes."

"May I ask how much weight you have gained?"

"I've gained about two kilos so I should be around fifty-two kilos now."

"Have you had sex recently?"

"...Yes."

She recorded it once again. "Okay, I'm just going to go see Dr. Uramura real quickly and I'll be right back."

The nurse stepped out and left L alone by himself. The detective sighed heavily and picked at his sleeves. He hated doctor visits.

Nurse Joi half jogged down to the testing lab to find Dr. Uramura flipping through a magazine while she waited for the results to come out.

"Doctor!" the nurse cried out, "You have to see this. I asked Ken'ichi-kun some questions, and look at his results."

The female doctor took the clipboard and skimmed over them. "These are pregnancy questions, Joi."

"I know, but he matches them so well." Uramura rolled her eyes, "And what about his HGC levels? They shouldn't even be in his system!"

Dr. Uramura slammed the clipboard on the table, making the nurse jump. "So what? Now we have a pregnant MAN with us? That is medically impossible."

"No it's not," the nurse said, "There's this doctor in Belgium who specialises in cases of hermaphrodites and genetic mutation. I've read up on it."

"Even if Ken'ichi is a hermaphrodite, he can't be pregnant. One sex would dominate the other and the reproduction system of the weaker sex would shut down."

"How can you not think it's possible? You and I have both seen girls with testicles inside them and boys with ovaries and they didn't know. So how can Ken'ichi-kun have all these symptoms and have high levels of Human Chorionic Gonadotropin, and you won't even accept the fact that he might be a hermaphrodite with both parts working? And look at him. You can't deny that he's slightly androgynous. It all fits! "

"No it does not!" Uramura shouted, "I took his prostate exam, did I not? You were there! I did not feel anything other than what should have been there."

"You only felt his rectum, not everything else!" The nurse took an audacious move and grabbed the doctor's arms, "Please, just one more final test."

The doctor sighed. "Fine. We're going to end this. Set up an ultrasound. We're gonna get to the bottom of this."
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Being chained to Watari was much different than being attached to L. The older man did not say a word, and Light wasn't sure if he should initiate a conversation; Watari did not seem as comfortable with being attached to a suspected serial murderer the same way L was. The awkward tension between them could be cut with a utensil. Light looked at the watch his father gave him. It had been two hours now.

He sighed out his nose. Two hours in complete silence. He couldn't take it.

"Did you see the Hornets play against the Tigers?" he asked, turning to sports as an icebreaker.

"No," Watari answered, "I didn't catch it."

"Ah. Neither did I."

There, they had a conversation. Objective complete.
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"Why are we doing this?" L asked as the cold, slimy liquid was squirted on his belly. He was laying down on the patient table now, except he had his shirt lifted up to his chest and the doctor was moving the ultrasound probe on his stomach.

"You're having abdominal pains like you said earlier," the nurse said, smiling sweetly at him, "So we're doing an ultrasound on your stomach to make sure that everything is ok--"

"Oh my lord."

L's head turned so quickly, he was surprised that he didn't pull a muscle. "What is it?" He looked at the nurse for help when he was ignored by his doctor, but her eyes were also on the monitor, not paying attention to him. He looked at the monitor but only saw a mass of grey. What were they frightened of? But then the mass of grey suddenly took form and became a shape. His large dark eyes widened to perfectly round circles. His mouth opened, but no sound escaped. His chest tightened when he recognised the image displayed before him.

Impossible.

Improbable.

He saw it move on the monitor and it made him jump. It was alive. It was moving, a heart beating inside itself. It moved again, and this time...L placed his hand over his tummy. What little colour he did have suddenly drained until his skin turned grey. He pushed the probe off his stomach and sat up, pushing his legs over the side of the table.

"Ken'ichi-kun," the nurse said, eyes full of sympathy.

"How..." L choked out the words, "How...can that be on there...?"

The nurse and doctor exchanged looks. Then Dr. Uramura finally stepped up to him. "We think you might have had a twin when your mother was pregnant with you, just when you were a bundle of cells. Your twin must have been female and you received her reproduction system. It's called fetus in fetu. You're a hermaphrodite, Ken'ichi-kun. Usually one sex dominates the other, but with you it seems both parts are working."

L covered his stomach with his shirt, not caring that the gooey liquid was still on him. His hand remained on his abdomen. He swallowed twice. "So...I'm also..."

"You have female reproduction parts." Dr. Uramura pulled a stool out, "But you have options. There are hundreds of others just like you."

"Are there others exactly like me? Others that are..." He waved to the monitor, though it was dark now, unable to even say the word. She opened her mouth to say something, but then she closed it. L shook his head. "That's what I thought."

"Ken'ichi," she said, clasping her hand over his, "We'll help you. No one has to know. We can...we can make it all go away."

L wrinkled his eyebrow. "You want me to terminate it, don't you?"

"Ken'ichi, no man has ever carried a child before to full term or given birth to one. The risks are unknown; there could be problems with the development of the baby, and we don't even know if a male body could handle all the hormones and stresses of pregnancy. The risk of complications is too high. Please, Ken'ichi, I insist that it is best for you to have this procedure carried out," she told him.

"Then why am I carrying one?"

Dr. Uramura opened her mouth again, but when nothing came out, she looked to the nurse. Nurse Joi did not have anything to say either.

L ran a hand through his hair, a habit he adopted from Light. "How...How far am I?"

"What?"

He flashed her a glare. "I said, how far along am I?"

She blinked at him. "I-I don't really know."

"Guess."

She licked her lips. "Erm...by the ultrasound image...I would estimate about...twelve weeks or so."

L covered his mouth with hand. Twelve weeks...that meant three month...Three months ago Light was imprisoned... "Oh no..." He closed his eyes, his thumb and pointer finger massaging his eyebrows, "That is...much higher than I expected it to be."

"Ken'ichi-kun." L opened his eyes to look at his doctor. Her brow was wrinkled, much like the way Light's would do. "You're not...really thinking of keeping it, are you?" Before L could speak, she kept on. "Your body can't handle something like this! We don't know where the fetus is growing, or if it's safe. Who knows what your testosterone will do to it. And like I said before, no man has ever gone full term. In fact, no man on record has ever been pregnant."

"You're asking me...to kill a defenceless...unborn..." He couldn't manage the last word out. His head was spinning and he suddenly fault claustrophobic the way the doctor and nurse were crowding him.

"Some believe that the fetus isn't actually alive until it is outside of the womb," Nurse Joi piped up.

"But I...it's heart...it's heart was beating," L looked anxiously at the blank monitor. "Show me again," he demanded.

"Ken'ichi?" the doctor said shocked.

"Show me the fetus again. I want to see it."

Nervously she took the device in her hand while L laid back and pulled up his shirt so she could lube him. Again the instrument glided across his stomach and a faint picture began to form. She pressed a little harder and increased the frequency. L saw it clearly now, a tiny figure of a human, barely formed and only a few centimetres long. He could see a large fuzzy head and a spine, where the chest was he saw movement. "Is the heart beating?" L asked and received a nod from the doctor. The arms and legs looked like stalks twitching now and again. "Can I hear it?" The nurse flicked a switch and then from the small speakers of the machine a steady pulsating noise could be heard, the screen showed the heartbeat rhythmically pumping. L's hand reached towards the screen and touched it. "It's... it's alive and in me?"

"Yes."

"Is it healthy?"

"As far as we can tell it is."

The silence ticked by in long seconds. L's eyes continued to watch the screen absorbed by the miracle of life growing inside him.

"Ken'ichi-kun," Dr. Uramura spoke up, "Have you made a decision?"

To abort...or not to abort. To terminate...or not terminate. To kill... or not to kill.

That is the question.

"I..."

'If I kill this...innocent, unborn child...What difference am I to Kira? If I terminate this...this being inside me...we'll have more in common than I feel is necessary. Kira does not believe in second chances...would I be hypocritical?'

"I don't know," L blurted out, "I...don't know what to do."

"Ken'ichi--"

"You obviously want me to go through with the abortion," he interrupted, "Dr. Uramura, do you have an children of your own?"

She swallowed. "No, I don't have any children."

"Perhaps it is because of this that you are pushing to the procedure."

"I'm pushing to the procedure for your health!"

"You just said that we are both pretty much healthy."

"Yes, b-but that's now. Who knows what it's going to be like when it comes to full term. You're barely showing. The baby could cause harm to your internal organs."

"I said I would think about it," L said. He pulled his shirt over his stomach and sat back up. "I cannot make such a rash decision so quickly. I need time to think." He looked at his feet, his tennis shoes were on the ground where he had kicked them off. "Japanese laws state that abortion is only legal until the twentieth week."

"Unless it causes harm to the mother," Dr. Uramura said, "And Ken'ichi-kun, I'm saying that it most likely will cause harm to you."

"You don't know that."

"Are you willing to take that risk?"

He turned his head to look at her. "Yes." He hopped off the table and stuffed his feet in his sneakers. "Just to remind you, though I'm sure I don't need to, what happens here between the three of us, stays between the three of us. If a word outside is even muttered..." he paused in the doorway, "Let me just say that it would be best if we never get to that point. Good bye, Dr. Uramura, Nurse Joi."

He walked out on shaky legs. Though he had acted brave leaving the office, he was trembling all over. How would he face Watari? The man who had raised him since he was six years old, his caretaker and father figure. And Light, though he was his main suspect, how would telling him that L was carrying his child affect them? Greatly. L could not calculate the outcome, either because the options were too broad, too absurd, or because his brain still could not think right. In his ears, he could still hear the heart beat. His hand rested on his belly. Somewhere underneath the skin and fat was an organism living off of him.

"Ryuuzaki?" came Watari's soft voice. L snapped his head up and his eyes darted back and forth between Light and Watari. Somehow he had made it into the waiting room without knowing. They both looked five years older with worry. "Are you okay? What did they say?"

He wanted to put his hand down from his stomach because they were staring at it, but he couldn't. He opened his mouth to speak, but now words or sounds came out. Could he tell them? Light's percentage of quitting the investigation was very high. And he trusted Watari with all his heart and knew that the man would never abandon him, but he had been wrong quite a lot lately and now didn't trust his percentage. What if they both left? What if everyone just suddenly left, leaving L all alone? A pressure built up behind his sinuses.

They both stepped toward him. "Ryuuzaki," Light said, "What's going on?"

L looked back at him and blinked several times to keep the tear droplets from forming on his eyelids. He swallowed. "We...need..." he said slowly, "to find a cafe....One with really good cake."

They both gave him strange looks, but they knew something serious was going on. Watari and Light remained handcuffed together meaning that Light had to sit in the passenger seat while L took the backseat. He leaned his head against the window and wasn't sitting in his usual curled position. He had that far away look in his eyes, and both Light and Watari worried for him since L had not mentioned a single word other than telling them they needed to visit a dessert cafe. Two thoughts were plaguing Light's brain: was it deadly? And was Kira involved?

"Is this place okay, L? L?"

"Hm? Oh yes. This is fine."

Watari pulled into a Lolita style cafe as it was the nearest one. L was the first to get out of the car; it took Watari and Light a few seconds to follow behind because they both tried to get out on their side until Light climbed over and followed Watari out the driver's door. When they got inside, L was already seated at a booth and was viewing a black and white menu without actually reading it.

"Okay, what's going on?" Light asked as he slipped inside the booth.

A waitress in a mini skirt approached them. "Can I get you boys anything?"

"No thank you," Watari and Light said together.

"I'll take chamomile tea, please," L said, folding up his menu and handing it back to her. She skipped off to get the only order.

"Ryuuzaki, what is going on," Watari said, bringing out his authority figure aura that he never needed until years ago.

L licked his lips. Usually he was blunt with things--telling Light straight off that he was L, asking Soichirou to pretend to shoot his son--but with this...he wasn't sure where to begin. He cleared his throat. "Watari, do you know what level mine and Light-kun's relationship is?"

The older man shifted. "I am aware that it is sexual."

Light held in a groan. He knew the man was smart and would most likely figure it out, but Light would much rather be chained to a charging bull than to the man next to him at the moment.

"Well," L said slowly, taking careful care to pronounce every syllable, "It has come to my attention that my body isn't...structured the way it should be." Both Watari and Light stared at him, waiting for a further explanation, "Well, um, it's been found out that I have a few extra parts that aren't meant to be there. It turns out that I'm a hermaphrodite and I may have the female reproductive organs inside me."

Simultaneously, Light and Watari's jaws both slowly opened to an 'O'.

"Here is your tea," said the waitress when she came by again, "Is there anything else I can get you?" She gave smiled but still gave weary looks at Light and Watari and the chain.

"No, that will be all, thank you," L said, sending her off.

Light was the first to snap out of his stupor. "Okay...so you're a hermaphrodite. That's..." He shrugged, "That's okay. I can see where you would be shocked by news like that, but...it's all good." He gave a lopsided grin at the detective, but L was frowning. "What?"

"Ryuuzaki?" Watari asked, "Is there something else?" Slowly L's head nodded. "What else is there?"

"Well," the androgynous one said, taking a sip of his tea, "It's also been clear that my ...female parts are not--what was the word she said? Ah yes--dormant." Light and Watari blinked simultaneously. "Meaning that they are working and apparently working very well."

It seemed they were not picking up on it as quickly as L had hoped, but he could not blame them. So he instead stood up, glad that table was not too close to the seats. "Light, can I see your hand?" Light held out his hand that didn't have the cuff on it and presented it to L. The detective took it and placed it over his stomach where his hand lingered for the longest time; it was warm. "That, Light-kun, is your child inside me."

Light's head snapped up with his eyes very wide. He looked back down to L's tummy and repeated until he very shakily took his hand away and rubbed it, as if he were trying to cleanse it. L frowned. Watari was rubbing his chest and looking around as if he needed a quick escape. Slowly L sat back down. None said a word. All cards were on the table. The only way to describe Light would be 'freaked out'. He looked from L to his hand and back again and repeated several times. Watari looked at L with sad eyes and kept licking his lips nervously.

"You're pregnant?" Surprisingly, it was Light that said it. L paused, but slowly nodded his head. Light's leg was bouncing up and down, something he never did.

"And, Light-kun is the father?" Watari asked.

"He's the only one I've been with."

"Oh my god," Light mumbled, "You're a freak!"

"Are you sure?" Watari asked.

L nodded. "I would appreciate it if you kept your voice down Light-kun and yes I saw it. On the ultrasound. It...It was..." He wasn't sure how to describe it. He looked at Light and his eyes became very sad.

"Is that why you were acting so odd this morning?" Light spoke now reaching out and holding L's hand. "You know that really hurt... you saying you wanted to end our relationship." L shook his head.

"That was not the reason, I told you that our relationship was unhealthy and that there would be consequences. Although," he let out a sigh. "I didn't expect anything like this."

Watari raised an eyebrow. "L, I shall tell you now... I do not approve of this relationship, yet as the one has practically raised you, I want to support you despite the circumstances."

"Light-kun... will you...still continue to help us investigate the Kira murders?"

Light looked up to him, eyes still wide with shock. "...Yeah. Why? I'm apart of the team, too, even if I'm a suspect and now a, erm, by some weird fluke of nature, a father."

L blinked several times and sucked in a deep gulp of air and licked his lips. He wouldn't say it, but hearing that Light wouldn't leave made him very happy. He wanted very much to embrace him now but he knew that would have to wait. Now they would have to find a way to tell the rest of the team and even more important, the grandfather of L's child.