Partners

Partners
Viva la Viveca

Disclaimer : I disclaim disclaimy things… again… as always…

A/N: This was co-written with Schyra… who’s my inspiration for this stuff in the first place… so I blame it on her!!!

Chapter VIII :: Forgiveness

It had been almost three days since my big argument with Catt, three days I had been staying with Lucia in his apartment because I just didn’t want to go home and deal with anybody… I’m even ashamed to admit I skipped classes on Monday without even realizing it… finally Tuesday afternoon, before my first class of that day (the one that started in the evening), Lucia crawled into bed with me, kissing my cheek. “Haru, love, it’s Tuesday… you need to get up and go to class… I know you don’t want to, but you have to. I have to go to work and everyone was wondering where you were in Sociology yesterday…”

I mumbled something, but got up despite everything. I knew he was right, after all. “Sorry… didn’t really realize when it was or anything… sorta lost track with everything considered,” I replied, stretching and resting my head on his shoulder. “I guess I should probably go home and let people know I’m alive… Catt’s probably thinking you kidnapped and raped me and everything… which… I guess if you get technical…”

“Can’t rape the willing,” he replied, kissing me and then getting up and handing me a pile of clothes. “Here, I washed these for you, so you have clean clothes to go home with at least. I’ll take you home so you can get your stuff, plus I need to get to work in an hour.”

I nodded and got changed out of the t-shirt I had sort of stolen last night to wear. Lucia watched me for a minute before going out into the living room. I washed my face in the bathroom before going and flopping down on the couch. A plate was pushed under my nose with a sandwich on it, causing me to blink in confusion. “Eat.”

I looked up at Lucia with a small smile. “Thank you, Lucia… Sorry for being such a bummer lately… This was the only place I could only think of to hide,” I sighed, taking the plate and taking a bite into the tuna sandwich. My stomach growled, reminding me how little I had eaten lately.

“No problem, babe… I’d rather have you here than anywhere else in the world,” he kissed my temple and sat beside me. “I understand… I know how close you are to your sister, and how much that must hurt to have her say some of those things… but you need to talk to her and figure things out… I don’t want to be the reason your family gets torn apart, Haru, I love you too much for that.”

Why did everything he say have to make so much sense?

====

I walked into the living room of the apartment, looking at the floor. It was in worse shape than normal, pretty much because it hadn’t been cleaned in a few days. I shook my head, picking a box of half-eaten pizza off of the table in the living room and putting in on the kitchen counter. It still surprised me how Musica had ever survived out on his own for so long. Then again me and his grandpa had always been there to take care of him.

“Haru?!” Musica’s eyes were wide, his hair messed up, as he had apparently just got out of bed. I looked at him, scratching the back of my head and looking around at the mess.

“So what, did you let the whole zoo out in here while I was gone?” I made a feeble attempt at a joke and a smile. My eyes grew wide as suddenly he was hugging me. “Um… Musica?”

“I thought you were never coming home or something like that…”

A stab of guilt.

“...I'm sorry…”

Musica's arms squeezed a little tighter, then he let go. I didn‘t realize he was holding me so tightly until I could breathe properly. “It's okay… as long as you're fine... But… are you really with… him?” Musica asked, plopping down on the couch. I looked at him, not sure if I really wanted to answer that question or not right now. He looked like he was just naturally curious, not angry or anything, and I hoped that was a good thing.

“Yes… yes, I am with Lucia… have been for a couple of days now… We’re dating, and we genuinely want to be together and all that stuff… I just.. I wish I could get Catt to understand that… have you heard anything from her since that night?” I sat down on one of the mismatched comfy chairs we had bought at a garage sale, looking at him somewhat hopefully. I was truly still worried about her opinion, no matter how upset I was with her and everything. If there was a chance she could accept…

“Every day at least three times a day… whenever you get the chance you need to go talk to her, Haru… She’s worried about you despite everything, and she’s worried enough that they put the wedding on hold until she can get things sorted out with you… We were all worried about you, oh! and Elie called,” Musica replied, tilting his head. “What happened with her anyways? She was freaking out because you haven’t called in days and I didn’t tell her what happened… well, in case she didn’t know.”

“She doesn’t know… I… saw things that she was doing-”

“So…” There was a tense moment. “So… She really is… cheating on you?”

“-with Sieg…”

Musica choked, looking like he had just had a stick shoved down his throat or something or something. “Wait, wait, woah! Elie is with Sieg? As in Sieg Hart? As in Sociology teacher Sieg Hart? Blue haired Sociology teach-”

“Yeah, that Sieg… I saw them um…“ I blushed. Even after doing it so much, it was still hard to talk about the whole sex thing. I acted just like one of those nerds everyone always used to make fun of in school that couldn’t even say the word sex. “Doing… stuff… um… on his desk… and I ended up losing my Sociology project without realizing it and… ended up back here with Lucia, who stayed the night,” the look on Musica’s face was priceless when he was informed of this, “Then I went over to his place in the morning and we spent all day over there and you caught what happened just after I came home… after missing the tux fitting and everything…”

“Oh… wow… that’s… a lot of information to process. Give me a minute to go get some caffeine in me…” Musica got up, heading into the kitchen. I sighed with relief, my head falling on to the back of the chair with a light thump. At least one person was trying to understand… I wasn’t sure if anyone else would, of course.

Musica came back, waving a can of Coke in front of my face. “Here, looks like you could use it before you head off to classes…” he said. I don’t think I had been happier in the past few days than sitting here in my favorite chair, drinking a soda and talking to my best friend. For the moment we avoided the subject of the argument he walked in on and my new boyfriend. It was just a casual conversation between two guys.

At least until the phone rang. Musica sighed, looking at me expectantly. “I don’t doubt it’s for you. You want to answer it or are you going to keep hiding?” And that… That was a very good question. I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to or not, but just because etiquette told me to (etiquette was a voice in my head that sounded strangely like Catt… and sadly enough it probably was), I got up and answered the phone with a timid “Hello?”

“Haru!? Haru, is that you?!” I heard Catt give something of a cross between a relieved sigh and a sob. I felt slightly bad… but then her words from the argument came back to me and I didn’t feel as bad anymore. “Oh my god, Haru, I was so worried about you, you never called or came back home or anything!!”

I was surprised by the coldness in my own voice, which scarily reminded me of Lucia’s voice when he gets angry, when I replied: “Honestly, I don’t think it’s really any of your business anymore… You didn’t seem to really care three days ago…”

There was quiet on the phone, and behind me I heard the heavy clunk of porcelain on our wooden table as Musica placed his mug down.

“Haru… you know I didn't mean that.”

I fiddled idly with the hem of my jacket. “Sounded like what you were honestly thinking to me.” My fingers slackened their grip on the phone receiver, and her voice became a little bit softer as the speaker slipped from my ear. In a way, I didn't want to hear what she had to say. She'd hurt me in a way I didn't think she ever would.

“You know that's not- ...Haru, I-”

“Is that what you always thought of me?” I interrupted. “That I was just like dad? That I was always going to leave you? That-” I took a shuddering breath and a feeling I had experienced far too often in the past few days came over me again. Something inside my chest clenched, and I could feel the prickling of hot tears on my eyelids. “… that… I would... ever… ever...”

I breathed in sharply, to stop the sob in my throat.

Don't cry. Don't cry.

“..Is that why you're getting married?”

Behind me, I heard the shuffling of leather as Musica straightened and looked at me, but I didn't want to turn around. I didn't want to see the look on his face. I'd never told this to anyone, not even him, but I'd always suspected it. “It's why you're choosing Shuda aren't you.”

“What?! Haru, no, I-”

My breaths came hard and fast and despite my trying one or two tears slipped down my cheek. One or two become a few. And soon I was crying, sobbing and breathing like I couldn't get in enough air.

“Wh-what was it?” I stuttered. “Was it the hair? The eyes? The face? Do I look too much like him, huh? Is it the way I talk?” Cattleya was very quiet, and maybe I should have recognized that as a bad sign and stopped, but I couldn't. I didn't notice it. I was thinking of lonely summer nights at the dinner table, when she had to go out to work, of terrifying spring thunderstorms and hours spent hiding from them under my bed, of looking out the window and watching other children my age play without me because I wasn't allowed outside. Of torn up letters from my father, that she sometimes scrounged up from the trash where she'd furiously thrown them.

I was recalling how happy she looked whenever she talked about Shuda, and that sinking feeling I got every time she started on about him.

The look on her face when she declared she was getting married, and how she'd never, not once, looked that way at me.

“Haru… Haru… shhh...” it was Musica, kneeling down by my side and prying the receiver from my limp grip.

By now, I was slumped against the wall, crying hysterically. I didn't know anything anymore, those memories and feelings swirling inside of my head like a whirling storm, and it seemed like I'd never stop seeing them, repeating like a bad movie.

I hate it. I'm sick of it. What was the point of trying so hard when every time it's always someone else, when they just keep leaving you crying over and over.

I'm sick of crying.

My eyes opened wide and I choked down a sob in my chest as I realized something.

Would it end the same way... with Lucia?

A.N: PLEASE R&R!!! IT REALLY ENCOURAGES ME!!!