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Regrets in the Crying Sky	By : Rhov Category: +. to F > Fairy Tail Views: 7052 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Fairy Tail is the property of Hiro Mashima. I make no money, I just do this for my own pleasure.

Chapter List
- 1-Rain
- 2-Regrets
- 3-Hesitancy
- 4-Taboo
- 5-Dessert
- 6-Domestication
- 7-Crying
- 8-Vow
- 9-Freedom
- 10-Decisions
- 11-Only
- 12-Stay
- 8
- 9
- 10
A/N: This chapter is filled with clashing feelings, a tempest of emotions, and different songs evoked the struggles of both men.
This song came recommended and could be played on repeat through the whole story: the appropriately named "Crying Sky" by Ryoma Echizen (voice actress Junko Minagawa) from "Prince of Tennis." The translation goes like this: "The sky is crying in despair. ~Solitude~ The words resounding in my hazy consciousness violently tear up my heart. Nearly unable to breathe, this worn out body. The drops of my torn away feelings fell onto the palm of my hand."
Another tune that was recommended through my Facebook page "Rhov Anion's Minions" is a song from Maria Mena, "Habits (Sako Isoyan Remix)." - "So grant me this wish and meet me back here in a year. If we still exist, I can let go of my fear."
Also, because it's so damn appropriate, a classic '70s song about adultery without regrets, "If Loving You Is Wrong (I Don't Want to Be Right)" by Luther Ingram. - "Are you wrong to give your love to a married man, and am I wrong trying to hold on to the best thing I ever had? If loving you is wrong, I don't wanna be right."

Chapter 9

Freedom
Natsu looked around the house. Perishable food was gathered in the refrigerator with a note to Happy to take it with him before it spoiled. The dinner last night had used up the last of the meat, and he drank the last bit of milk that morning. Everything was boxed up, and dust sheets covered all the furniture, ready for a long absence.
He had gone on plenty of long missions by now. There was always that sense of longing, wishing he could stay home just one more day, knowing he would miss his friends, his bed, and a hot meal. Adventure awaited, but at the expense of leaving behind so much.
Especially now. Natsu was unsure how long he had cried that morning; there was still a dull pain in his chest and behind his eyes. Last night had been wonderful, sensual, a dream come true, but after the flames burned, what was left behind was cold, black soot, a charred stain on his soul. He had to leave now with uncertainty and regrets eating away at him.
He had no clue how Gray was feeling right now. Yearning for more? Regretting it all? Angry at Natsu? In love? How would he feel later, when this mission ended? So much could change during that time, and Natsu would not be around to talk to Gray, discuss this, maybe try to win him over, or even encourage him to surrender it all as being just a one-time fantasy, a dream, forget that night and the things that they said. He was leaving Gray alone to sort through this on his own, and that pained Natsu, because he knew this act of adultery would grieve Gray deeply.
Natsu hoped that by the time he returned to Magnolia, Gray would have figured out how to cope, and he would be happy. Natsu almost wished Juvia could give Gray a child. He would make a truly loving father. He deserved that much. They both did. They made a cute couple. So perfect.
Tears came to his eyes again, and the Dragon Slayer cursed, scrubbing at his face. He was not about to go out there in tears. The rain might hide the drips, but not the puffiness of his eyelids. What would people say if they saw Salamander Natsu crying like a kid?
To stall for time, he went to the bathroom just to make sure he got everything. Sure enough, he almost left his comb. He picked it up, but he saw a piece of hair stuck in it. He picked it out and saw a black strand. Gray's hair!
Natsu shivered, as if those cold arms were wrapped around him again. He and Gray had been in this bathroom: that wonderful shower, the gentle foot rub, the erotic cleaning, touching one another, and loving one another. The tears burned him again, and Natsu shook his head, vainly trying to banish the pain from his heart. He tucked that loose strand into a pocket. It would be his good luck charm on his journey, a little piece of Gray he could keep as his own.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Natsu put the comb in his bag as he hurried forward. Who the heck would come here, and through this storm? Maybe Lisanna wanted to say goodbye before he left. Perhaps it was Happy. Yes, probably Happy, although the knock was far too loud for his furry paws.
When he opened the door, he did not recognize the person at first. The rain was coming down in torrents. The man on his porch was drenched, his head down, black hair completely obscuring him. When the visitor lifted his downcast face, Natsu saw stormy-blue eyes streaked red with crying. One eye was bruised purple and swollen.
"Gray!"
The ice mage collapsed into his arms, catching Natsu off-guard. Natsu yanked him inside. Gray's clothes were saturated, and even his shoes squished out water as he stepped. Natsu yanked the heavy cloak off, letting it fall in a moist shlop by the door. Gray was not moving, so Natsu bent over and got the muddy, soaked shoes off. Then Natsu hugged him close, set himself on fire, and let the flames dance around them both, not burning Gray, but steaming the rain off in billows.
"Gray?" he asked as he burned the wet chill away.
The ice mage was still not moving, not even hugging back. He stood motionless, his eyes glazed and his face a blank. This warmth, this embrace, the strong arms and fiery heat: it was all so comforting, and yet so painful to bear.
Once he was dry enough, Natsu pulled Gray over to the couch. He tossed an armload of logs into the hearth and breathed a large puff of flames, setting them alight and crackling. Then he sat beside Gray, took up a chilly hand, and squeezed the limp fingers that had almost no life left in them.
"What's wrong?" Natsu asked in dread. "Were you in a fight?"
Gray stared at the fire. Just last night, he had cuddled Natsu on this couch, thinking to himself that he had never been so happy before. Now … what was happiness, really? Did this man make him happy? Did his wife? Why did happiness have to bring pain?
"Juvia … followed me yesterday," Gray muttered. "She followed me here. She … saw us."
Natsu's eyes widened. "Oh shit." The sting of guilt now stabbed him like one of Gray's own ice javelins. "Gray." He had no clue what to say, and Natsu looked around, grasping for something, anything, to make this better. "I didn't smell her. I can usually smell people long before they come here."
"It was raining, and she is the rain."
He had a point. Rain really dulled Natsu's sense of smell anyway, and it did not help that Juvia smelled like a rainy day. There was no way he could have picked out her scent through a closed window and in such a storm.
"Did she kick you out?" Natsu asked sadly. He frowned at the black eye. "Did she hit you?"
"This?" Gray asked, gingerly touching the bruise. "That was from Lyon. I tried crashing with him. I shouldn't have told him why I needed a place to stay."
"If you need to stay here for a few days while she calms down, that's fine."
"Calms down?" Gray laughed sardonically. "She seemed pretty damn calm when she said … she…" His face tensed up in misery, and he screamed in rage and heartbreak, "She wants a divorce, Natsu. A divorce!"
As Gray burst into fresh tears, Natsu sat there stunned. He knew that if this betrayal was discovered, Juvia would be disappointed, angry, probably flood Magnolia, maybe lash a deluge at Natsu, yet he figured she would calm down and forgive her precious Gray-sama, take him back, maybe stalk him more obsessively just to make sure he behaved. He thought her anger would only be directed toward himself for becoming a new love rival. He never fathomed that Juvia was even capable of pushing Gray away.
"She'll calm down, Gray. She'll … she'll calm down. Just give her time."
Natsu hated that part of him was glad to hear that news. Last night, before he even confessed his feelings, he had asked Gray if he would divorce Juvia. Hearing Gray so quickly say that he would never leave her had been disappointing. Natsu had momentarily hoped that Gray would answer yes, that if the person he loved actually loved him back, he would leave his wife to be with that person. He almost held back from confessing at all, since Gray had been so sure of himself when he answered that.
Natsu had wanted Gray to say he would divorce Juvia. Now, he damned himself silently for wishing that. As he listened to Gray sobbing, he felt miserable for the small part of him that saw this, not as a tragedy, but as freedom for them both.
Suddenly, Gray lashed out in anger. "I ruined everything! I never should have come to this house. I should have gone straight to her. Why … why did I not go straight home?" he screamed in tears. "Why did I wander around, putting it off? What the hell sort of husband am I? And why did I go here instead of to her?" His head dropped into his hands, and he yanked at his hair. "I fucked up everything."
"Gray," Natsu sighed, anguished by his friend's misery. "I'm sor-…"
"No!" Gray shouted. "Don't! Whatever you do, don't you dare blame yourself. Don't you fucking dare do that! It's all my fault. It was my choice, my life … my marriage. I chose you, Natsu. I chose you over my own wife! So don't you dare steal that sin from me. It's mine alone to bear."
"I have my own sin to live with," Natsu replied, holding him tightly. "I stole something precious from Juvia."
"I let myself be taken."
"I was still the one who coveted a married man. I was the one who pulled you in out of the rain, although I knew it wasn't safe to be this close to you. I'm the one…"
"Shut up!" Gray lashed out. "This … this is hard enough. I don't want to think I made you miserable as well."
Natsu decided to just keep quiet. He glanced at a clock. He should have left already, especially since the storm would slow him down. At this rate, he would not make it to the next town before sunset. However, he was not about to abandon Gray like this.
"I don't even want to exist anymore."
Natsu jolted in horror. "Gray!"
"I'm the worst person in the world. I should just vanish."
"Gray, stop!"
Gray shook his head. "I screwed up something wonderful, something people spend their whole lives seeking: love, happiness, a family. Fucked it all up! But what's worse? Part of me … was glad when she said she wanted a divorce. Some small part of me thought 'Perfect, that means I can be with Natsu.' Fuck, I'm a total asshole."
Natsu felt a flame rekindle in his heart at hearing that. "I'm just as bad. Here I am watching the person I love cry, and part of me is happy. How is that love?"
"It isn't. It's greed. Same with me." He laughed bitterly. "We're two greedy bastards."
Natsu squeezed his hand in comfort.
"Well, at least I told her she could have everything. I'm not totally an asshole. Or maybe that's just my pathetic attempt at redemption. Like hell if I know anymore," he muttered, staring ahead blankly. "Gotta find … stuff. Place to stay." His mind was too chaotic with emotional turmoil to think clearly. "Can't stay with Lyon. Bastard punched me for breaking her heart. Totally deserved it. Don't know anyone else. Hotel for now. Apartment? Maybe get away. Fuck, I don't even know what I'm saying anymore, just rambling. I feel numb."
"You're in shock," Natsu frowned in sympathy. "That's understandable. Neither one of us thought this would happen."
Gray stared ahead blankly. "The whole guild will beat me up for doing this to her. I should just quit, move away, far away. Forget everything."
"Gray," Natsu scolded. "They'll be mad, but they're good at forgiving. Maybe Juvia will forgive you, too," he reassured optimistically. "Stay here for now. Someone needs to look after the place while I'm gone. There's no electricity, but I'm sure if you ask, the electric company will turn it back on. Pretty sure they've forgotten my old bills by now. Or just tell them I don't live here anymore."
"Stay … here?" He looked up in confusion. "How'd I get to your place?"
"Don't ask me. You knocked on my door."
"God, I don't even know what I've been doing all day. Wandering. I was on a train, I think. Went to Lyon, got punched, I think he cracked one of my ribs, too. I came back here. I wanted to tell you before you heard about it on the road. Didn't want you freaking out, rushing back. I bet the newspapers will want to hear the story. One of the most perfect couples in Fairy Tail, and I fucked it up. I don't think she'll tell anyone about you, at least. She's a good woman. A good… Oh God, why did I do that to her?"
"Gray," Natsu frowned, torn up to see him this devastated. "That's it, I'm staying here with you. I can put off my trip for a day or two. It'd mean I'd have to take a train, but … I'll deal with it, if you need someone here with you."
"Trip?" Only then did he realize Natsu was dressed for a journey. "Oh, right. You mentioned that you're leaving on a mission. Today?"
"Y-yeah," Natsu cringed. "I'll postpone."
"No … no, you have a commitment and … I'll be honest, and don't take this the wrong way, but … I don't want you around."
Natsu eyes widened with sadness.
"I mean, I do," Gray said quickly, "but seeing you…" He dropped his head and shook it to chase away visions in his head. "I keep remembering what happened, and I keep wondering about things. When exactly did she see us? What precisely was I doing at that moment? How long did she watch? What did she hear me say? It makes me remember the whole thing, how sweet it was, how amazing it felt, but now I picture her face peeking through the window. I don't know what she saw. I didn't dare ask. It was enough, though. Enough so she knew that I … I let you. And I liked it. And it's tearing me up."
"Gray," Natsu whispered. Part of him was happy to hear that Gray had liked last night, and part of him ached at realizing that evening of greedy pleasure had destroyed Gray's marriage.
"Seeing you makes it all clash together." Tears streamed down as he gazed into those sage-green eyes. "It was so wonderful, Natsu. So absolutely wonderful! And it was so wrong! Part of me regrets it, and part of me doesn't. It's ripping me in half. I … I can't be around you. I'm sorry. Besides, I don't want to leave my wife and immediately move in with you. That'd be a whole new level of bastard."
"I guess so," Natsu said quietly. "The house is still free to use," he offered, trying to smile. "It's not moving in with me if I'm not home."
"Thanks. I might stay until I can find a place. Hotels are damn expensive, and I don't want to ask any friends. I don't … wanna cry … around them." He wiped more tears aside. "I just need to be alone. This will work, staying here, away from the city. Just … alone."
Natsu rubbed Gray's arm, wondering if solitude was really best. Then again, they were stubborn and proud mages. When Natsu had to cry, he did not let himself be seen by anyone.
"How long will you be gone?"
Natsu turned his head aside and looked at the house packed away. "Six months." When he took the mission, it had seemed like a good way to escape. Now, it was a prison term keeping him away from Gray.
Gray's world reeled yet again. "Half a year?" he whispered. "Natsu!"
Those narrow eyes gazed down hard. "It'll give you time. I can't back out of this mission, but I figure that by the time I come home, you'll be a bit calmer. We can figure things out at that time."
Gray fisted up his hands. Natsu was right. He needed time to process what just happened. Part of him hoped Juvia would calm down and take him back, but he wondered if that was really for the best.
Could he leave Natsu forever and honestly be loyal to her, now that he knew the pleasure of this fiery body?
If Juvia went through with the divorce, there would be legal issues, and the guild would be in an uproar. Hell, the whole magic world would have a field day yapping about why the woman who so incessantly—and publicly, in front of all of Fiore—obsessed over the ice mage suddenly cast him aside. Sorcerer Magazine would have gossip columns speculating the reasons for weeks. If they knew about Natsu…
"You're right," he muttered. "I … I need to think about this. I really don't want to lose Juvia, but…" He looked up to the Dragon Slayer. Why couldn't he have both? Why did he have to love both his wife and this Dragon Slayer? "I don't want to lose you," he whispered longingly. "Come home soon."
Natsu's heart throbbed. He grabbed Gray, and the ice mage suddenly clutched tightly. Their lips collided together in passion that had not cooled off with the morning chill. Almost instantly, Gray's shirt was thrown off, and Natsu's hands clutched at the cold skin. He pressed Gray up against the couch, and Gray's hands kept pulling at him, wanting him closer … closer! Natsu's leg swung over, and he straddled over Gray, sitting on his lap, kissing him and trying to touch absolutely everything.
Gray's mouth broke free, wet and swollen. "Mark me, Natsu." His fingers brushed up and caressed one of the many hickeys he had left on the neck covered by the scarf. "Let me know it wasn't a dream."
Natsu's eyes looked wild, animalistic, and he suddenly dived down. Gray felt a shot of pain as teeth bit into his shoulder. He cried out, and tears came to his eyes. Not tears of pain. Natsu was marking him. Claiming him! As the bite tightened and pierced skin, Gray pulled at Natsu's hair, clutching and sharing this pain.
This would not be a bruise that would fade in a couple days. Gray felt blood drip down his back, and he knew this would be a scab, maybe a scar, permanent. Natsu was making sure that Gray really would never forget their night together.
Natsu leaned up and sensually licked blood off his lips. His eyes still gleamed, as if a dragon burned inside of him, threatening to burst out in flames. He had been so cautious last night, not leaving a single scratch or bruise. Now, he wanted Gray's body to be his to mark, his to own. His!
Natsu's nails began to dig in slowly into Gray's chest, adding more and more gradual pressure, and he watched as Gray tried to put up with the pain. Seeing the ice mage cringe, suffering, and accepting that agony for Natsu's sake, enthralled the covetous side of the Dragon Slayer. Suddenly, Gray screamed, and Natsu saw blood seeping past his nails, dripping over the pale skin.
"N-Natsu!"
His nails pulled back, and he saw moon-shaped marks burrowed into the skin. Natsu leaned over and licked the blood. Then he also licked up the bleeding bite. He smelled the coppery scent mixed with Gray's musky smell, and he tasted the warm flavor of Gray's blood, sweet and intoxicating, mixed with the saltiness of sweat that glistened on his flushed skin. Natsu sucked on the bite, just a little, to slurp up the blood. Finally, he leaned back, smiling with satisfaction.
"You won't forget last night," he said assuredly.
Gray panted through pain and glared up. "Bastard," he whispered, but he smiled that now, his body really did belong to the Dragon Slayer.
Natsu climbed off, stood, and held his hand out to Gray. The ice mage took the hand and yanked himself onto his feet. Natsu suddenly pulled hard, and Gray crashed into his chest. He held the ice mage there, feeling the coolness of the body. He grabbed Gray's hair, leaned over, and gently licked the bite again as blood started to drip. He felt Gray shudder at the pleasure and pain.
"I don't know if you'll come to regret last night," Natsu whispered, gently kissing his shoulder and neck, "but I don't. Maybe I'm a bastard for that. I know what I want." He took Gray's cheeks in his hands and stared right into those droopy eyes. "I want you." Then Natsu leaned forward and kissed him tenderly.
For a brief second, Gray compared them. He had kissed Juvia goodbye that morning. Her lips were always so plump and soft, her kisses gentle even amidst passion. Natsu kissed voraciously, but right now Gray realized that he had a soft side to him as well. His lips burned with passion. They were thinner lips, with stubble roughness scratching at Gray's skin. A man's lips!
Natsu's hand drifted down and palmed Gray through his jeans. Suddenly, the ice mage yanked back and turned away.
"I can't, Natsu," he said breathlessly. "I just … can't."
"All right," the Fire Dragon Slayer whispered with understanding. "Let me patch you up."
He took Gray to the bathroom. He washed the wounds and put on a salve. He kept kissing Gray's skin as he applied a bandage to the bitten shoulder and small band-aids to the nail marks. He wanted to keep tasting Gray's skin, smelling his hair and wintry scent, hold him, remembering these muscled arms and the strength of Gray's embrace.
"I don't want to go," he admitted in a sigh.
"You have a commitment," Gray told him.
Natsu looked into those stormy blue eyes. He wanted to say that he also had a commitment to Gray now, but … he didn't. Not yet. He may have marked Gray, but he did not own him yet. This precious treasure still legally belonged to someone else. Gray needed to work out his life. There was always the possibility that Juvia would forgive him. Then last night really would end up being a one-time thing.
He did not want Gray to suffer the shame and anguish of a divorce, but he also did not want to let him go a second time.
"I wish you could come with me."
Gray smiled plaintively. He had been thinking the same thing. "I need to sort this out."
Natsu dropped his head. That was the mature thing to do. "I'm really sorry. I screwed up everything."
"I'm just as guilty. I shouldn't have…"
Gray's words cut off, and Natsu jolted. Shouldn't have! It hurt to hear, but he knew Gray was right. They shouldn't have done that. Even if they enjoyed it, even if it was a need that had eaten at them both for years, they should not have hurt Juvia that way.
Natsu spun away. He could not stand the thought of hurting Juvia. She had been a good friend for years, since they were crazy teens. She never did anything to hurt Natsu, and she had been loyal to Gray even when he went on long missions. She didn't deserve this!
He heard Gray whisper behind him, "Oh God, what am I going to do?"
Natsu pulled away. It was not just Juvia in pain. Gray was torn, and Natsu felt it was his fault. He never should have said anything. He should have kept bottling it, holding onto his secret, never tormented Gray by making him choose…
Arms suddenly wrapped around from behind, jolting Natsu out of his anguished self-belittling. He heard a soft sob and felt a shudder. Natsu stood still, letting Gray cry. He placed his hand over those cold arms, silently letting Gray know that he would support him, no matter what happened.
"Don't hate me, Natsu."
"That's my line," he said quietly. "Look, you have free rein over the house. Help yourself to any food lying around." He turned around and lifted Gray's head. "Whatever happens, whatever people do or what they say, promise me this: don't you dare do anything stupid."
Gray shook his head. "I wouldn't go that far."
"I mean it! Don't … hurt yourself. Don't take some idiotic suicidal mission. And don't run off. Don't leave to another guild or … or move out of the country, or something like that." Natsu's hand touched Gray's cheek. "Even if I can't be with you, I want to see you again."
"I know. I promise, I'll still be here when you come back."
"You better be, bastard! I will seriously hunt you down." Natsu calmed himself from his fears of losing Gray completely. "Try to talk to Juvia again later, when you've both calmed down. I…" He tensed up and looked aside. "I kinda hope you can work this out … and kinda hope you'll be truly free when I come back. That's pretty shitty of me, isn't it?"
"Less shitty than what I'm thinking."
Natsu's eyes widened. "What's that?"
Gray's face struggled against a smile. "That when you come back…" He looked up, and his eyes gleamed like ice in the sun. "…I can take your ass-virginity!"
Fire blazed through Natsu's veins, but before he could leap forward, Gray's head dropped in misery.
"Dammit, I really don't deserve her!" he gnashed.
Natsu extinguished the flames of his passion. He turned aside with acidic pain in his gut. He really needed to get out of there or Gray would just be tormented more.
"I'll save it for you."
Gray looked up in confusion, and Natsu smiled back at him.
"My ass. I'll save it for you. You're the only one I want to do that with. My … my only love."
His throat choked up, and Natsu turned away sharply. He marched back out into the main room. He had to get away. Tears were burning his eyes, and he did not want to cry in front of Gray. He yanked a cloak around him and shouldered a massive pack that carried what he needed for six months of working on the S-Class mission.
Gray slowly walked out. He had to let Natsu go. He was too torn up inside to know what he should do, and he needed time alone to figure out his desires.
Natsu opened the door, and the cacophony of the pouring rain echoed through the empty house. It was quite a downpour now, and a flash of lightning split the sky. As Natsu looked at the sheets of rain and boiling clouds, he potently felt that this must be a reflection of the pain he and Gray were putting Juvia through. She was unleashing her fury through this storm.
He paused on the threshold, torn between leaving like he knew he should, or returning and flinging himself into Gray's arms. He wondered if it was this hard for Gray when he left the house that morning, thinking he might never get another chance to be together. Yet Gray had been strong. He had known what he needed to do. Right then, Natsu needed to give Gray time to sort out his life. He had been greedy enough for one day.
"See ya," he said in a gravelly whisper. He finally took a step outside and into the rain.
"Natsu!"
He paused at the shout, but Natsu could not turn around. If he did, he would never leave. Only the incessant tapping of rain pattered between them as both struggled between what they wanted and what they needed.
At last, Gray dropped his head and whispered, "Be safe."
Natsu's eyes closed, and a tear slipped out, quickly getting lost in the rainfall. "You too." Then he forced his feet to move down the muddy road.
As Natsu walked away, he felt a sickening shiver finally taking hold. He just messed up everything, and he had no clue how to fix this. There was nothing he could do but leave and get out of Gray's life. Maybe in six months, he would have patched things up with Juvia, and Natsu might return to see them happy again, her stomach heavy with a child. Or maybe Gray would be totally crushed and not want anything to do with the Dragon Slayer, hating him for destroying his happy marriage. Maybe—just maybe—he would be free and waiting for Natsu's return.
He was stabbed with guilt at the part of him that wanted Juvia to leave Gray, so Natsu could fully claim him as a mate.
Gray was right. They were both greedy bastards.
He started to run, then fled in anger, cursing himself for being so selfish, apologizing to Gray over and over again through his tears. Above, the sky flashed again as the raging storm pelted Natsu in punishment.

End of Chapter 9
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Regrets in the Crying Sky