Emptiness

Emptiness
By Shardy

Originally, this story was on Fanfiction.Net but was removed for the sexual content, even though this isn\'t truly a lemon. Close, but more like a heavy lime. NC-17 stories are not allowed on FFN. *sighs in disgust and curses those who are trying to limit human creativity* Anyway, I wrote this story after watching the Shura episodes on Rurouni Kenshin, the time frame this story takes place. I like writing dark and depressing stories and this is one them. ^_^

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Now that Kenshin was gone from the dojo, suddenly the place seemed so small and silent. Not that Kenshin had meant to be gone. Just last night he had been taken by pirates in Kaoru\'s place. How noble. How brave.

How disgusting, Sanosuke thought as he silently ate his rice. It wasn\'t the fact he did it, it was the way he did it. Sano expected Kenshin to break down into tears then and there. The poor guy looked like he was going to go into spasms right on the deck. The rurouni practically stripped away all his dignity as he begged and pleaded for them to let Kaoru go. He didn\'t even offer to go in her place.

If it were me, it would have been different. I would have demanded that they set her free before they got their asses kicked. And if they did, I would have kicked their asses anyway while Kaoru ran to safety. That\'s what I would have done.

But you didn\'t! a small voice inside of Sano pointed out sharply.

That\'s because Kenshin beat me to it, he shot back.

Sano looked up from his bowl at Kaoru, his hard brown eyes instantly melting into concern. Poor Kaoru. She looked so frail and lonely sitting there, staring at her meal without actually looking at it. His heart began to pound against his ribcage. So much different from her usual sarcastic, abusive nature. So...serene. \"You should try to eat,\" he spoke up, determined to break the silence before something drastic happened. Not that he would...

She picked up her bowl and tossed it at him, hitting him square in the face. So much for serene. He got over the incident quick, though. After all, he didn\'t quite blame her. He wasn\'t exactly giving her any words of comfort. But then again, he wasn\'t the comforting type. What should he say? What could he say? Various phrases came to his mind, but they all sounded so wrong. \"You know, you can\'t fight on an empty stomach, Jou-chan,\" he finally said lamely. Whoo-hoo!! Soooo comforting!!!

It was at that moment, Sano realized that up l nol now he had never called Kaoru by her real name. And if he did, it was either in shock, or trying to get her attention, or something along those lines. But if he was ever just speaking to her, it was always just plain \"Jou-chan\". He really needed to break that habit. \"Kaoru...\" he whispered, unable to take his eyes off of her.

Kaoru\'s head snapped up at the sound of her name coming so gently from the lips of the one person she didn\'t expect it to. \"Y-yes...?\" she choked, something new stirring within her, something that had nothing to do with Kenshin or his kidnapping.

Sano looked away quickly, and she thought she saw his face reddening a little. \"Oh...it\'s nothing.\"

\"Sano...\"

\"Forget it, Kaoru.\"

He said it again. Her name. For some reason it just felt so right coming from him. And now as he sat there, picking his teeth, one leg bent up, the other lying out to the side, and his jacket hanging open, exposing that smooth, muscular chest of his, Kaoru could not deny her feelings for him anymore. Ever since the strong gangster had protected Miss Tae at the Akabeko from serious harassment, Kaoru had been staring at him in wonder and admiration...

...and desire. Of course, with Kenshin around, it was so easy to pretend that she couldn\'t care less about the rooster-headed free-loader. So easy to fool everyone, especially herself, that Zanza held no interest for her.

But that was before she somehow became alone with him. Before now.

Yahiko, where are you? she thought, almost desperately. Oh, yeah, he had left, mentioning that he was going somewhere or other to question some guy. Kaoru had barely heard him she was so busy wandering around in her own world. She was now alone with Sano in the dojo...completely alone.

Not that she didn\'t trust him. Sano more than likely wouldn\'t think twice about her. It was herself she didn\'t trust. How she had longed for a moment like this, with every glance she stole from him when he wasn\'t looking. On the train, she had pretended to make fun of Sano\'s superstition, when in truth, she wanted to wrap her arms around his shaking frame and soothe those fears away.

How many hurtful things would she keep saying to him in order to continuing fooling herself that Sanosuke Sagara didn\'t mean anything to her? First, he suffers with the pain of Captain Sagara and the Sekihoutai. Then, one of his best friends dies. And what had she ever done to help make his life seem more livable? She was thoroughly convinced that the only reason Sano ever came back to the dojo was for the free meal, and hung around because he felt obligated to. What if even the free meals suddenly didn\'t become worth Sano\'s time? After all, she couldn\'t cook worth crap and Sano would only take so much...

No!!

Suddenly, Kaoru felt a burst of panic deep within her. If Sano left, that would be...that would be worse than Kenshin getting kidnapped! She couldn\'t fool herself any longer. Sano meant everything in the world to her!

Sano was still picking his teeth with a small bone when she crawled over to him on her knees. He looked down at her with some confusion. \"Jou-chan...?\" he inquired, becoming a little scared. Had she totally lost it? Kaoru ignored him, but instead settled herself on his lap, nuzzling her face against his bare chest.

HELLO! This was defiantly not something that happened everyday! For ng sng suspension of silent minutes, all Sano could do was sit there, continually questioning if this was really happening. Kaoru, KAORU, was sitting on his lap! She must have been getting delirious. He was not KenshHe gHe gazed upon her soft dark hair and long lashes gently laying against her delicate face like tiny black angel\'s wings. Her mouth was open slightly, causing Sano to wonder what it would be like to open it further with his tongue, taste her...

Okay! It was time for Miss Thang to move!

Of course, it would help if he actually did something...

...said something
.
...give her a nudge...

...maybe just a tiny one...

Kaoru shifted positions in his lap to get more comfortable, her warm thigh rubbing up against the thin material of his pants where his cock awoken instantly from being touched so...erotically. Sano gasped softly. Oh, Kaoru!

Kaoru herself was a little surprised, her eyes opening half-way. She could feel his hard-on pushing against her thigh. Did she...do that? Was he...No! No way! Not for her! This was Sano, and surely Sano could not seriously...!

\"Jou-chan...\" Sano began, his voice thick and husky with the sudden desire he felt. No he couldn\'t do this. Kenshin was his best friend, and Sano would never betray him. No matter how much Sano wanted Kaoru. How long he yearned for a moment like this with her. She was so strong, and yet so delicate and frail at the same time. She could be a complete bitch and yet she was still compassionate, and loving, and wise. Innocent? Oh, it was her innocence that attracted Sano the most. All other women he had ever met, especially Megumi, were all the same. Always competing, always showing off believing they were better than others just because they were beautiful and experienced. Not Kaoru. Sano believed that Kaoru Kamiya was the most beautiful young woman he had ever encountered in his life. But she never knew it. He expected her to be snotty because her looks had almost literally stolen his breath away. Instead, she had brought herself down, often. Even though there were times she pretended that she knew she was beautiful just to annoy the others, Sano could tell that deep down she actually believed that she was not beautiful! Oh, Kaoru, if only you knew...

\"Say it again.\"

Sano snapped back to reality, frightened out of his mind that for a split second sas aas able to read his thoughts. \"Nani?\"

\"My name,\" she clarified, a soft sigh rushing upon his breast, causing goosebumps to race along his skin. \"Say it again.\"

He took her chin tenderly in his hand and tilted it up to him. \"Kaoru...\" he breathed, unable to take this torture anymore.

Kenshin, I\'m sor.

His lips descended upon hers with a sudden burst of hunger and shyness. Sano didn\'t understand why he suddenly felt so shy and self-consc. Bu. But as Kaoru kissed him back, it all vanished with a wave of need. \"Kaoru...\" he whimpered. \"Kaoru...Kaoru...\" His hands ran along her back, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to her. His tongue grazed her lips, and she opened her mouth, inviting him in. He took the invitation, slipping his tongue inside to taste the honey-recesses of her mouth.

Kaoru didn\'t understand it. This whole time she thought she had been in love with Kenshin. But every time she tried to tell herself that, there was always something missing. She couldn\'t put her finger on it. The two got along great. There was nothing about Kenshin that she didn\'t like. He was so perfect in every way.

Maybe too perfect...

Was that the problem?

Sano pulled his lips away, releasing a groan of protest from Kaoru. \"Kaoru...we hafta stop this,\" he gasped, his chest heaving, beads of sweat pouring down his burning skin.

\"Why?\" Kaoru breathed, lifting her face to taste Sano\'s lips again.

\"Be...cause...\" he sighed against her mouth. Her own tongue slipped against his, and Sano had to cling to her to keep from losing his balance. His hands slipped and part of her kimono fell down her shoulder, exposing a pale breast. She gasped ever so softly when he cupped the breast in his palm, kneading the flesh with his fingers, her nipple hardening to his touch. Her fingers ran through his spiky chocolate hair when his lips left hers to descend upon her nipple. He licked the bud to harden it more before taking it into his moist mouth, suckling gently.

Moaning softly, she laid her head on Sano\'s, stroking that gorgeous hair. How soft, how silky it felt beneath her fingers. Suddenly, she wanted to touch him, everywhere. This pleasure he was giving her was more than she could ever ask from him. She suddenly wanted to give this pleasure back, to make him feel the way he was making her feel.

Who would\'ve thought that this free-loading gangster could ever make her feel this way?

Sano sucked harder, unable et eet enough of hers has hands stroked her bottom, flames surging through his veins and his loins. She was so amazing in every way. How could she be letting him get this close?

\"Saaano,\" she sighed pushing closer to him. \"Don\'t...stop...\"

He wasn\'t planning to. He pushed the rest of her kimono off until it fell around her delicate waiser ber breasts exposed to him. He pulled back to stare hungrily. She blushed brightly with some embarrassment. She didn\'t exactly have the largest cups in the world. If bras were invented back then, she would wear a B. \"Uh...\" she began nervously. Was he disappointed? She couldn\'t tell with his eyes so dark and glazed over. \"I know they\'re not...well, not really...um...\"

\"They\'re perfect,\" Sano interrupted, and lowered his head to tease the other breast. Kaoru\'s eyes practically popped out of her head. Did he just say that??? And here she thought Sano was the big breast loving type.

As if reading her thoughts, Sano finished with his teasing to nibble on ear earlobe. He pressed hard against her, wanting to feel her naked breasts against his bare chest, rubbing slowly along her skin. \"When it comes to breasts,\" he whispered while licking along her ear, \"size doesn\'t matter as long as you have them.\"

With one tug with his hand, Sano pulled the rest of her kimono off, holding her completely naked on his lap. He lowered his kisses to her neck, his \'aku\' jacket sliding off his shoulders. Her hands slid down his chest and soon the wrappings around his waist were gone as well. She tickled the rippling abs of his stomach, and Sano nipped her sensitive neck. He took her mouth again, wanting to taste more of her tongue.

Instinctively, Kaoru undid the knot of Sano\'s belt and played with the black curls that lay beneats pas pants. Then, with sudden burst of boldness that she never knew she possessed, Kaoru\'s hand shot downward and grasped Sano\'s hard cock. \"Ooooohhhhhhh, baby...\" He gasped, his shaft swelling to the point of explosion. He thrusted into her hand as she rubbed him, played with him. Drowning in ecstasy, all Sano could do was kiss her more, his tongue sliding deeintointo her mouth. With fevered impatience, she ripped his pants off until he was as naked as herself save the socks. She spread her legs until the tip of him was nested against her entrance.

\"Take me, Sanosuke\", Kaoru whispered against his lips, delirious with the pleasure he was giving her. \"I want you to be my first.\"

Something inside Sano all of a sudden gave a small cry. \"Kaoru...\" he choked. The intimate embrace of flesh against flesh made Sano realize how close they were. This was Kenshin\'s Kaoru, Kenshin\'s. Sano had no right to do this...any of this. They had to stop.

He pulled away, staring deeply into Kaoru\'s eyes. \"We can\'t do this,\" he said firmly.

She stared up at him wconfconfusion. \"Why not?\"

\"Because we\'re not meant to be.\"

His words stabbed her deep in her heart, and it bled profusely over her. He could not mean that!

\"I\'m not going to take you, Jou-chan,\" Sano continued, making sure his voice was firm and cold. Just looking at her...his body begged for him to shut up and take her now. But his loyalty to Kenshin was deeper, stronger. He could not believe he allowed himself to go this far. He wanted...he loved Kaoru so much, so fucking much. Never has anyone ever given him freely the things she gave him. And more than just free meals. More than a home and a family. She gave him a reason to go on living. She gave him an opportunity to make his life more than just a pitiful existence.

But she belonged to Kenshin. He could not look at her and not see Kenshin\'s face at the same time. The two were meant to be together. It was obvious. And it was also obvious that Kenshin was in love with Kaoru, too. Besides Kaoru deserved Kenshin. Kenshin was always so helpful with her and the dojo. He did everything he was told to without complaint. He was always so cheerful and a pure gentleman 24-7. What\'s more was that Kenshin actually could do something with his life. He had friends in high places and could even become a high ranking officer for the government if he wanted. Not that that would be a good idea, but at least it would bring in a shit-load of money.

And what could Sano offer her? A dusty hole behind the Ruffian Row? Lonely nights by herself while he went out and drank and gambled because those were places ladies were not allowo beo be? No, Kaoru did not deserve that. Kaoru deserved to be living in mansions with a hundred servants and large bubble baths, gorgeous gowns, and tons of authentic jewelry that needed no light to sparkle.

And Kenshin could give her that.

Sano?

Heh, forget it.

Sano gently pushed Kaoru off his lap and wrapped her kimono around her naked body. \"I just wanted to see what it would be like to kiss you,\" he lied. \"I never meant for it to go this far.\" She She wished he had slapped her. She wished he had just taken her and then left without a word. Anything than to hear those words from him. She watched with misty eyes as he slipped his pants up. She wanted to be with Sano more now than when he had been teasing her with his tongue. \"Don\'t you...don\'t you want me...anymore...?\" she whimpered.

\"Shit, Kaoru...\"

Sano looked deeply at her. Big mistake. Tears were falling down from sapphire orbs as she stared at him, pleading with him. He could almost see her heart bleeding into the floor. \"Aishiteru, Sanosuke,\" she whispered, her voice barely audible yet the words rang shrilly in his ears. Then Kaoru stood up and left the room, slowly closing the door behind her. So like her. She never begged for anything, not even her lost love.

He stood there planted to the ground. Aishiteru, Sanosuke. She loved him? All this time they had gotten on each other\'s cases? All this time he had called her \'ugly\' and she had called him a \'free-loading bum\', Kaoru loved Sanosuke?

For some reason, maybe to further justify his loyalty to Kenshin, Sano just could not believe her. No, it wasn\'t right. She didn\'t love him. She loved Kenshin, he knew she did. It was so obvious. The way she panicked whenever he was in trouble. The fact she risked her own life so he wouldn\'t get hurt. The anger she directed towards Megumi whenever the woman doctor so much as winked at the ignorant rurouni. All hard-core evidence that Kaoru liked Kenshin more than just a friend.

Another reason for Sano not to take Kaoru. He wasn\'t going to give his all to a girl who was substituting him for Kenshin. He also was not going to break Kenshin\'s heart.

The rurouni was as in love with Kaoru as she was in love with him.

No way was Sano going to spoil that.

Still, Kaoru\'s words still haunted him. Aishiteru, Sanosuke.

She was confused, that was all. With the trauma of Kenshin being away for so long, it was so easy to believe her feelings were for Sano. And even if that wasn\'t the case. Sano had been seventeen once. He had crushes, and even though he thought he had thought he loved them, they only lasted for a month or two before he moved on and realized they were not all he at first thought them to be.

Kaoru\'s supposed feelings for him would be no different. Once Kenshin came back, things would go back to normal and Kaoru would realize that the scarred rurouni was the one for her after all.

Sano blushed slightly upon seeing his waist wrappings lying carelessly thrown on the floor. Of course, he wouldn\'t be coming here as often as usual. Not only would it be painful for him, but embarrassing for Kaoru. The wrappings suddenly seemed an innocent reminder of the shameful incident that had occurred just moments before, taunting Sano with the memory on how close he came to deflowering Kenshin\'s girl.

Then his eye caught something else. Kaoru\'s ribbon still lay in the floor. He picked it up and buried his face in the emerald cloth, breathing heavily, drinking in her scent. At least he\'ll keep something from this other than the memory. \"My love, my love,\" he gasped into the ribbon, needing Kaoru more than ever. The taste of her still lay on his lips that he would savor for eternity.

Aishiteru, Sanosuke.

Yes. No matter how confused she may seem and though he knew she did not really mean them, he would savor those words, too.

~*~Owari~*~