Silly Onii-chan

I always doubted where did Onii-chan go every night.

Since I had wakened to meet again the real world, the first thing I realized was that nothing meant the same as before. Of course, after in coma for two years, I wouldn\'t expect time would stop for my sake. It was normal for the world to revolve and I really had nothing to complain about. I went to a new school, met new friends, and continued to be a cheerful high school girl despite of overcoming the death of my parents. Yet, the only knot that ached me most was my brother\'s drastic change. He was a quiet person as before, however, he had turned to withdraw himself from anyone, even me. He used to give a very genuine, warm smile whenever I was around him. Now, the way he smiled wasn\'t really a smile. Even his lips rose a slight curvature, his eyes showed emptiness, full of perplexed emotions.

Remembered once he suggested me to live with my close, trustable girl friends after I no longer needed to stay at the hospital. I asked the reason, though I couldn\'t manage to obtain a satisfactory answer. He said something like I could get better company and more convenience to settle near my school. Nonsense. Who else could be a better companion besides of your own family, solely brother? I further pursued his true intention for not letting me to live with him. Then he blurred that he needed to work and had no time to take care of me, afraid that I\'d be bored of being alone. I challenged him by stating I could perfectly look after myself; and no matter how, it sounded impossible for him to work 24/7 without a break to glance at his sister. He only sighed, bringing up another excuse - one word: inconvenient.

He knew by saying that broke my heart. I stood silent for a moment, wondering whether I should leave him as he wished. He firmly denied when came the question about him living or dating with some girl, which was a great disappointment for me. If the answer was positive, I could have been easy on him; but unfortunately it wasn\'t. Therefore I came with the last question:

Do you hate me?

He was shocked at hearing those words. I observed his amethyst eyes which betrayed the struggle within his thoughts. Somehow I still felt my brother wanted to be with me as I do. If so, why he needed to go in circles? I couldn\'t understand.

I love you more than any person, any thing in this universe - He admitted truly. There was something else he murmured that I wasn\'t able to hear. This brother of mine was a puzzle who critically contradicted himself. Always a hedgehog in dilemma. Anyway, the affection between us was purely siblings\' love.

At least what I thought.

After my persistence, he finally brought me to his apartment, a flower shop to be exact. I was in awe at that moment because I couldn\'t imagine my brother, a tough and stubborn person, would deal with delicate objects. Not to mention to being surrounded by his female fans. I giggled at this. Soon he first introduced me his friends, or colleagues, who also lived in the house. Onii-chan warned one of them, whose repute was a womanizer, to clear off from me. At that time I was naive enough to believe my brother was back to the old days, being so protective, so caring of me.

By then I dared not to question him anymore. I comprehended that he hid tons of problems unsolved, not telling anyone his secrets. So I didn\'t want to bother him with my little weeps, or become his burden. I silently prayed for his safety every night, as he never dropped a word on his whereabouts. So thus his friends. They all often disappeared in the hours of darkness. And I didn\'t have a clue.

Life developed in greater turmoil when a night Kami-sama failed to listen my prayers.

I was resting on my bed when I suddenly heard bumping noises at the living room. The lights were off, and a shade appeared at the corridor. I was about to think it was a thief and waited a chance to defeat the stranger. But when the moonlight reflected through the windows, I was completely intimidated by my brother. He wore entirely black leather attires; moreover, he was armed with a katana covered with all blood. His body was soaked with the red fluid. I nearly cried, believing he was injured and about to die.

He pushed me away, ignored his surrounding and crippled the way to his room. Adamant my nature was, aided him along and removed his outfits to check any wounds. I was relieved when there wasn\'t any scratch on his skin. As a result, the only conclusion could be derived, that wasn\'t his blood but somebody else\'s. In other words...

My brother killed.

My brother was a killer.

I gasped in agony. I trembled. My mind shut blank temporary. And I knew I couldn\'t change the fact of that I had seen. For a few minutes I grabbed my fear and started to clean up Onii-chan\'s dreadful status. His lazy eyes told me he was drugged, and probably hallucinating from the expression he had shown.

Patiently I attended him with care. It seemed the dose was intense. He afterwards locked my arms unexpectedly and shoved me on his bed. I restrained from his passionate kiss - a different one that he used to cheer me up. His gorgeous body pressed against mine with a great intensity of lust. Did he know the craziness he was doing? I was supposed to be his closest family who shared the same DNA! I angered at the abnormal situation; nevertheless, I couldn\'t blame my dearest brother for being drugged and involved himself in an abrupt, wrongful act.

I love you more than any person, any thing in this universe.

My heart palpitated when flashbacks flooded my memory. What was I thinking? We were clearly brother-sister and I mustn\'t allow a mistake to happen between us, otherwise it\'d be immorality. Then why I felt so good when he crawled on Why Why I allowed him to trespass our border? I loved him, too. I sank in confusion for a definition of love towards a brother and an ordinary man. While I was trying to escape from his strong grasp, he intruded my privacy brutally without mercy.

Aya.

I heard how he vibrated my name. It was demanding, sexually tensed - a side by no means I expected to discover. His conscience was totally broken. To my suspicion, he definitely recognized, although loosely, who was underneath his control. The drug just plainly advanced his long, forbidden desire.

Our innocent relationship no longer existed. By time Onii-chan\'s distress grew more severe because of the disdain for himself, due to his job, due to his regret for deflowering me. To his despair and my safety he left Koneko No Sumu Ie at my charge. Again he left me without a notice, not a single goodbye personally.

Days after days had passed. I continued to carry on the flower shop business by myself. I only knew he was alive when he transferred a huge sum of money into my bank account each month. He was nowhere to be traced as I had no contacts of his acquaintances. I really missed him so much. Why he couldn\'t forgive himself when I never cast a blame on him?

On my wedding day he wasn\'t there for me. At the church altar I secretly, selfishly pleaded to meet Onii-chan; swearing to Kami-sama that I would willingly give up all my blessings in order to be forever with him. I wished my groom was Onii-chan instead, regardless of the impossibilities.

No miracle occurred.

It was until an early autumn day when the shop\'s phone ringed. I picked the line up answanswered politely - Hello, this is Koneko No Sumu Ie. Have you called to order flowers?

No response.

I suddenly perceived who the caller was.

Onii-chan? It\'s you, isn\'t it, Onii-chan?

I heard him hesitating to speak.

Aya... are you happy with your life now?

I was overjoyed at his voice and replied a yes, that I might be in greater happiness if we could meet one another. However, he already hanged the connection in the middle of our conversation. Before that I heard the same truck beep noise on his side to mine, thus I rushed out to the phone booth located at the opposite site. He disappeared for the countless time. Out of my luck I wasn\'t able his see his shadow, but a red rose he placed behind.

Silly Onii-chan...

Ai shiteru.