Goodbye

GOOD-BYE
By Noriko Hirano


The girl was sitting on the swing in the park. At the time, she
had been concentrating on the creaks of the swing. She felt as
if she were simply floating above the sand, without the aid of
the swing. The cool plastic pressed itself into her legs,
leaving a shallow red impression. Her breath leaves little
clouds in the January air. Her breath leaves little clouds.
Each one floating upwards while dissolving into the cool air.
She doesn\'t even notice the clashing of blood against her new
green dress. She lets her short black hair fall into her eyes
and stick in the small cuts that mark her youthful face. She
watches the cloud of breath; as it dissolves, the memories rush
back.

The whole house shakes as if the entire island of Honshu were
sinking into the ocean at the whim of some evil sea kami.
Everyone reacts to the earthquake, finding stable spots in the
house. The shaking continues for much longer than usual. The
instant it stops a sound more horrible and morbid rushes to meet
here ears. A little at first, then large chunks, faster and
faster; the ceiling begins to fall. He turns and shoves her
through the paper screen door and into the garden.

A single tear wells up in her right eye. Like a liquid diamond,
it slowly follows the path of so many before it down her
bloodstained face. She takes another small breath. The cloud
dissolves.

Blood and dust. A moaning sound. She pushes aside the beam to
reveal a bloody corpse. Someone in the distance shouts. The
sound rings in her ears. It echoes through her. A piteous cry
of despair. \"No! No! I never had the time to say anything,
anything at all. No! Come back! We haven\'t said I love you
yet! You can\'t die! I love you! You idiot, I love you! Come
back!\" The voice continues begging and pleading with all that is
holy. Panting, the girl looks down at the body and realizes that
it is her own voice, crying out. Hr own love, lying dead at her
feet. Her knees go out and she collapsed next to his body,
calling his name. Again and again, pleading. She cradles his
head in her lap. His blood flows slowly down her dress from the
gaping wound on the back of his head. Her tears fall down and
blend into the crimson blood and soak the dusty ground, coloring
it.

The ground shudders. She grasps the chain of the swing for
balance. Aftershock, her mind automatically tells her. Another
icy cloud of snowy-white translucent breath rises to her face.

She hears a quiet moaning; the voice belonging to her sister.
The ground shudders and the voice is silent. An overwhelming
loneliness washes over her. She backs away from the scene and
stands up, running, faster, faster, trying to escape.
Breathless, she rested on the swing.

Now, a figure is approaching, lone and distant. It is dusk
now. Her memories are only hours old, young in her mind. The
blood hriedried, but the memories remain wet. Death, why should
they escape without her? She could have lived without one of
them, but they had all left in a single moment. Her father,
teary-eyed, but mischievous; her sisters, kind and smart; her
love, inconsiderate and kind, shy and outgoing. Perfect in every
way. Why didn\'t she see it? She had delighted in pointing out
his faults, a childish game. They spent all their time together
like that. Her father had arranged their marriage. From their
joint resistance, friendship and them love had grown. More
time. If they had only been given more time. Happiness had been
within reach. Now he was dead. they were all dead. She was all
alone.

The figure is closer now. With another sighing breath she
raises her head for a better look. She slowly begins to
recognize the girl. Her vision blurs in a memory.

The girl is waiting tables in a small restaurant. She is
Chinese. She looks up and gives the victory sign.

The Chinese girl is standing next to her. She wraps a blanket
around the girl\'s shoulders, but it provides no warmth. Only the
feeling of rough fabric against her bare arms. \"Come inside.\"
The Chinese girl suggests. She doesn\'t want to go, but she
hasn\'t the strength to argue. They walk five blocks together,
passing numerous other scenes of horror and tragedy. The girl is
both deaf and blind to them all.

The high school auditorium is where they end their journey. A
more sturdy building that hasn\'t suffered the damage most have.
Pitifully, the battery-powered lamps try to devout the oncoming
night. They cannot reach the high rafters of the ceding. There
could have been no sheltering roof at all for all that could be
seen of it. The room is scattered with futons and blankets.
Doctors treating the wounded and children crying fill the room
with life, yet the despair in the room is overwhelming. The
Chinese girl leads her to an empty futon and another girl. The
other girl\'s arm is bandaged and bound in a pale-blue cotton
sling. The girl with the bandage seems familiar and as she moves
to sit next to her on the futon, a name rises out of the
mistiness of her memo. Sh. She says it in one short breath, two
syllables. The girl with the bandaged arm turns toward her,
\"Yes?\" She looked at the bandage on the girl*s arm. He is
dead, her mind reminds her, not allowing her to forget it in the
memories of better times. They were good friends, he and this
girl with her arm all tied up. She hears a voice speak her name,
followed by another reminder the he is gone from her life. The
sound of his name, spoken, renews her tears and her large eyes
overflow. She leans on the girl\'s unbandaged shoulder and cries,
deep and hard.

The girl is walking down the hall of her home. She turns and
plops down the stairs, seeing her older sister in the engawa she
breaks into a run. She runs past her father, playing Go with a
friend, past the kitchen and out into the garden. High in the
plum tree she hears a rustling. Her eyes follow gnarled trunk
skywards and rest on the form of a teenage boy, picking the ripe
fruit. The ground shakes with a thunderous noise and she spins
to face the rubble behind her. Like thick syrup, deep scarlet
blood wells up and swallows the remains. Blackness ~ * burning
bright light. A dream.

Now it is what day? Tuesday. The Chinese girl rushes over from
a far corner. \"You want eat something?\" she asks in her high
pitched and thickly accented speech. Slowly the girl nods. She
must be hungry, she hasn\'t eaten since yesterday morning. The
Chinese girl returns with a bowl of noodles in broth. She
focuses her attention on the chopsticks and lifts a thin slice of
fish sausage to her lips. The hot food has no flavor, no
substance, but she finishes the noodles quickly. The girl with
the bandaged arm sits next to her. \"They found your family
yesterday, in the rubble.\" The girl takes a deep breath to stop
the flood of memories, determined to face the words. She nods
passively, as if she doesn\'t care. Yet her heart is beating like
a bird\'s, every ounce of her being begging and pleading for her
to say that any one of them is all right. She doesn\'t. She is
again offering a comforting shoulder to cry on instead, but the
girl refuses. Instead she looks upwards, here daylight has
proven the existence of the rafters. Her jaw set, the girl turns
to her new friend. \"Will you be my second?\" The girl asks,
probing into the bandaged girl\'s dark brown eyes, \"Will you help
me?\" Astonishment flashes across the face of the other girl,
then it is replaced by pitiful understanding. \"I just can\'t say
good-bye to all of them, not all of them.\" A weak and scared
smile spreads across the face of the girl with the arm-bandage.
\"Are you sure? Absolutely sure?\" With a tearful gulp followed
by a determined stare, she replies. \"I\'ll be waiting for you.
They\'re all waiting for me.\" The two girls leave the school
solemnly.

At sunset, one returns, holding a knife in her free hand. The
Chinese girl approaches her, \"Where she?\" The girl with the
bandaged arm bites her tongue and takes a sharp breath, \"She went
back, to be with all of them.\" The Chinese girl nods
understandingly. They both understand why she had to go back.
She could have never said \"good-bye\" without first saying \"I love
you.