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Les Be Friends & Go Homo	By : Yukisaiko Category: +. to F > Dirty Pair Views: 2657 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Dirty Pair, or make any money from this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Les Be Friends & Go Homo
- 1
Disclaimer and shit: I own no rights to any of the mentioned characters here, and tis bis but one chapter of the 45 I've done for my story about Yuri from the Dirty Pair and the adventures of her life and those of her friends. Other characters mentioned for those not familiar are Kei, Yuri's partner from Dirty Pair, Yuki Saiko from Silent Mobius, and Misty May, the bunny girl from Otaku No Video. Yuri, Yuki, and Misty are my three fave anime girls, and I don't have much of a care for Kei, so she gets harshed on pretty good in this. I don't want to hear any death threats from Kei fans, as we just keep her around for comic relief.

Special thanks must go out to my best friend John Behrent (There you go, you got your credit, so you can shut up now!) who was invaluable in giving me ideas for this shit.

NOTE: By reading this, you agree to waive all rights to come after me for any psychological trauma this may cause.
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A.K.A.: Les Be Friends And Go Homo

A.A.K.A.: There�s Something About Misty

DATELINE: Approximately late April, 1999

When I came home from the errands I was running like going to Food 4 Less for groceries and shit, it was now about 4:00 PM.
When I entered the house, I heard some loud techno music (Or as my mom called it, "The Natives Are Getting Restless� music, or to be P.C. "Deprived Urban Rhythms". Oh, wait that's Rap Music, sorry.) coming from Yuri's dance studio. She has the room all decked out with hardwood floors, mirrored walls, and a sound system to die for.
For some reason I went to the bedroom first, and I found a strange girl in our bed. She was !!!KAWAII!!! with straight shoulder length bubblegum pink hair and she was sleeping on my side of the bed. Her clothere fre folded neatly on the cedar chest at the foot end of the bed. I also found my wife's clothes scattered all over the bedroom. Apparently Yuri couldn't wait to get between the sheets with this girl (Not that I could blame her! That girl just looks like such a goddess).

After leaving the bedroom, I then went into the dance studio, and Yuri was dressed in a pair of white slouch socks, white satin thong panties, and a white sport bra, and that was all.
She was slam-dancing all around the room by herself to the song "Fuck You: Singalongmotherfuker Mix" by Ottorongo on the "rave 'til dawn: Techno�s Finest" CD (Which by the way is the CD my mom made the above reference to) her new friend brought over. I then turned the stereo down, and Yuri stopped dead in her tracks.
"So Yuri, who's the girl?" I asked her.
"Misty Maaaaaay," she said with a sad look on her face and her head down.
"So where did you meet her? At the mall?" I asked.
"No, honey. I met her at the Sizzler," Yuri said.
"What? Was she another customer?" I asked her.
"No, she's the new manager. See, I saw her and I thought she was soooooooooooooooo !!!CUTE!!!", Yuri gushed with her hands rolled into fists on each side of her cheeks and she was blushing. She also had a gleam in her eyes and she was smiling like a goof (Kind of like the goofy picture of her on the back of the old BanDai Dirty Pair dolls). She was actually pronouncing her words right (For a change...)

Yuri then continued, "So I asked my waitress if I could speak to the manager. So when she came over to my booth, I asked her to sit down next to me, and she did. She then asked how she could be of assistance, and I grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her to me and planted a big wet kiss on her. To my surprise, she liked it! So I asked her if she wanted to come over, and she told me her shift would be done in an hour. So that gave me enough time to eat. So then we came home, and made love. Then we took a shower together, and then she went to sleep, while I came out here and started dancing. You're not mad, are you?" Her look then turned sad again.
"No Yuri, I'm not mad. You know I don't mind if you like being with girls. So, what kind of pick-up line did you use?" I asked as I went over and hugged her to show her I wasn't upset with her.
"Well, I told her that outfit looked really cute on her, but I thought it would look cuter on my bedroom floor," Yuri giggled. It was a cute little knee length button up floral dress, that she paired with white nylons and a pair of 5� pumps with ankle straps. Hell yeah!
"Oh, that's a new one," I said.
"You know what the funny thing is? She's Kei's manager at the Sizzler," Yuri started giggling.
"So you're just doing this to piss off Kei?" I asked her.
"No, of course not. I think she's so adorably cute," she started giggling. "So do you want to go out to eat and then to the mall?"
"Sure. So are you gonna wake Miss Tits, uh, I mean Misty May and ask if she wants to go, too?" I then asked her. Quite the Freudian slip...
"HEY!" she said as she slapped my face. And hard, too.
"Ow! What'd you do that for? I mean you can't blame me for noticing," I said. I'm not sure if she was pissed at me for noticing (And believe me, it's hard not to notice those fucking cans!!! I mean it�s not like she exactly has mosquito bites or anything. I'm surprised she doesn't fall over from those things! I think she needs an anti-gravity bra or something! I mean Christ, you could drop a Walkman down her top, and the �hills would come alive with the sound of music!�), or pissed about the comment because the girl is her friend.
"Oh, and what do you call these?" she said angrily as she took off her sport bra and threw it to the floor in f�ustration. She did this to expose her beautiful 38B's to me, as she used her upper arms to press them together to make them stick out further.
"Now Yuri, you know I think you have a perfect body, so there's no need to get all upset," I said.
Yuri then said, "Still, that's not a very nice way to talk about her. She's a very nice giwl," sounding all traumatized and shit.
I was giving her shit now..., �Uh oh, Yuri�s pissed, def-def-definitely pissed, de-def-definitely gonna kick my ass,� talking like Rain Man.
�You know, you�re really starting to piss me off,� Yuri said.
�Aw, but you�re so cute when you�re pissed...� I smirked.
�FUCK YOU! Don�t get me started, or I will kick your ass!� she screamed, as she punched me in the head.
"Ow! You crazy bitch! Okay, I'm sorry. Damn! So are you going to wake her up and ask if she wants to go along too?" I asked Yuri.
"Sure," Yuri said. Surprised she didn�t kick my ass for calling her a bitch...

So we went to the bedroom and Yuri bent over and cooed in a sexy voice in her new friend's ear, "Honey, it's time to get up."
Then I said, "Gee, Yuri, how come you never wake me up like that?"
"Well, I didn't know that you wanted me to. I could later if you want me to," Yuri said.
Her friend opened her big soulful eyes and she sat up and let the blankets fall around her waist. When she saw me standing there, she scarfed them up and covered up her breasts, somewhat ashamed (Though that girl�s got NOTHING to be ashamed of...). And what a nice pair they is...
Then Yuri said, "It's okay, that's just my husband, Brad. Brad, this is Misty May."
"Helloooooo, Nurse!" I said, being smart.
Needless to say, Yuri slapped me (again...)
"Hi," Misty May said timidly.
"It's okay, he knows I like to go both ways. He doesn't mind. So do you want to go out to eat and then out to the mall with us?" Yuri asked Misty May.
"Okay, that would be nice," Misty May told Yuri.

So Misty May went to freshen up and get dressed, and while she did so, me and Yuri went into the living room to talk after Yuri got dressed in one of her typical teeny-bopper mall-rat outfits after taking a shower in one of our guest rooms, since Misty was using our bathroom.
Yuri then asked me, "So, do you think she's cute?"
"Yuri, I won't lie and say she's not, because she is. She�s such a doll. But I would never cheat on you," I told her.
"Oh honey, you're so understanding!" Yuri said excitedly to me with the most precious look on her face as she hugged me and rested her chin on my shoulder.
Then Misty May came into the living room and asked where we wanted to go.
Yuri said, "The Sizzler, because Kei would be serving. That is if you don't mind."
Misty May said that it would be fine with her.

Me and Yuri took her metal flake blue HUMMV, and Misty May took her car.
So when we got to the Sizzler, we ordered and we got a half off discount because Misty May is the manager.
Then we went to go sit in the section where Kei would be serving.
The thing is that Kei would have to be so nice and polite with us because if she was rude to us, Misty May would write her ass up as a customer complaint.
Since Kei had to be nice, it was a rather uneventful dinner.
We then sat around and shot the shit for awhile, and I asked Misty May what she does for a living.
She told me, "Well, I manage this restaurant. I was elected National Sizzler manager of the year last year (She's polite and she always has time to talk to the customer and makes them feel welcome at her restaurant.) I just started at this restaurant two weeks ago. I was relocated here from Milwaukee, Wisconsin, where I also managed a Sizzler. And I used to be in the "fine art of repossession" (Reposessor) in L.A. That's where I got my car. Some little old grandmother wasn't making the payments, so I had to take it back. When I went to repossess it, the little old lady wouldn't open the door, so I had to bust down the door and burst in with my Spas 15 shotgun, and I ended up putting a hole in her door from my heels. It was soooooooo cool. I mean I always wanted to do that! Busting down the door, I mean," Misty May said, blushing. She then continued, "She then handed me the keys to the car, and then proceeded to give me quite a vivid array of obscenities and hand gestures, which I won't repeat, because I don't talk like that (Give it time, girl. Hangin� around with Yuri will do that to you,-Author). After that I took over the payments. But enough about me. You have a very beautiful wife. I hope you don't mind that she wanted to be with me. I don't want to be a home-wrecker or anything," she said as her and Yuri were making googly eyes at each other.
"It really doesn't bother me. I just told her that I'd be upset if she were with another man. I told her if that's what makes her happy, she should do it. So what kind of car is that?" I asked Misty May.
She then said, "It's a 1967 Shelby Cobra GT500. It has the standard metal flake blue paint job with white striping. It has a glass pack, CD player, Bazooka speakers, Car Alarm, Car Phone, CB radio, Car Fax (What she needs that for, I�ll never know...), 12" wide racing tires in back, Krager Mags, fuzz buster with laser detector, and 8' CB antennas. It is also equipped with B.B. Stein Shocks, Nitrous Boost, Roll Bars, Torsion Bars, air scoops, and drag pipes. I also had five-point harness seat belts and bullet proof glass installed. It has 10,261 original miles on it. The body and interior are in mint condition. I also have a skull on the shifter. The alarm is designed to call the police if the car is tampered with in any way. It can only be disarmed by an 11 digit code only known by me. The typical response time if the police are called is about two and a half minutes. It will also go off if the car is touched at all, and it can run indefinitely. It starts out at 100 decibels and the longer it runs, the louder it gets." (Sounds like Yuri in bed...)
Yuri's eyes had hearts in them and her cheeks turned bright pink as Misty May described her car. I could tell Yuri was getting all wet and wanted to drive it. Yuri then started to giggle.
"What's so funny?" Misty May asked her.
"See? I told you he was a nice guy. He never hits me or yells at me or anything. He loves me so much," Yuri beamed.
Misty May then started to kind of ramble, and said, "My lifelong goal was to get married to anybody, "Cryin'" Ryan Meyerhofer was my boy, not no more, now that I've met Yuri." Oooooooookay!
As we were leaving, we stiffed Kei on the tip.
Then Yuri saw a fat chick pigging out on buffet food.
How fat was she? She was so fat, the person sitting next to her was her, and her belt size is Equator. I mean she's so fat, Weight Watchers asks her to leave by the back door, and she's so fat that if she sat on a rainbow, she'd shit Skittles (What that means, I�ll never know either, I just heard it once and thought it sounded funny). And she�s a crowd all by herself. She�s also so fat that she stepped on her dog�s tail, and it died. And she stepped on a quarter and the boogers shot out of Washington's nose. And she was so fat that she was diagnosed with a flesh eating disease, and they gave her 2 years to live!
Yuri then said to us, "Hey you two, watch this!"
She then walked up to the fat chick. Yuri flashed her WWWA card (Civil Service Number: 101161). She then said, "I'm with the Weight Watchers Warrant Agency, and Weight Watchers has a warrant out for your arrest. I mean you're so fat you need to use a VCR for epereper."
I then walked up to her and say, "Excuse my wife, she knows not what she does." I then took her by the arm and led her out of the restaurant.
�Yes I doooooooo...,� Yuri said as I led her out the door.
When we were in the lot, I said, "Yuri, that wasn't very nice."
"I know. But it was kind of funny," she snickered. Besides, it's like that joke goes, "What do fat chicks do in the summer? Stink."
Yuri then asked Misty May if she could drive her car to the mall.
Being the polite person she is, Misty May said yes.
I then said, "I hope you have that thing insured. You don't know how she drives."
Yuri then gave me a dirty look and put her hand up and flipped her wrist and extended her middle finger to give me the bird and said, "I'll see you at the mall."

When I got to the mall, Yuri said, "What took you so long? We've been here for ten minutes already."
Then Misty May told Yuri matter-of-factly, "Yuri honey, you're never going to drive my car again."
"Aaaaaaaaw, why naaaaaaaaaaaht?" Yuri whined in her childish voice.
"Well, you cut off three cars and almost got us into two accidents," Misty May said.
"Yeah, but I got us here in five minutes," Yuri said, as if that would redeem herself.

Then we went into the mall, and Yuri wanted to go to Frederick's of Hollywood to pick out some new clothes with her new girlfriend.
I just waited around the food court while they went to the lingerie shop.
As they were looking around the shop, Beavis and Butthead walked up to them and tried scamming on them.
"Uh, will you chicks like huh-huh be our dates and like show us your thingies or something?" Butthead said to Misty May as he tried to grope her tits. Then Yuri started giggling like a little school girl.
Misty May then smacked Butthead, and then Beavis said, "Why are chicks so complicated?"
Then those two left the store.
Then Yuri and Misty May picked out clo clothes and went to try them on in the same fitting room. When everyone saw those two go into the same fitting room, their eyes went wide.
Well, I grew bored of sitting around the food court, so I went to the store to go look for them. I didn't see them, so I went up to the counter and asked the clerk, "Did you see two girls come in here, one with dark blue hair dressed like a teeny-bopper, and one with pink hair dressed in a floral dress and spikes?"
"They're in the fitting room, in back," she sighed, putting her arm up and pointing with her thumb at the back of the store.
"Fitting room?" I asked.
"Yeah, they both went into the same one," the clerk sighed, rolling her eyes.
I then went to the back of the store, and I could hear Yuri giggling in the fitting room.
"That looks really good on you," I heard Yuri say.
"Well, I like what you have on too," Misty May said to Yuri.
I then stood outside the fitting room and made a sound like I was clearing my throat. I then said, "Are you two gonna be long?"
Yuri then cracked the door, peered her head out, and said, "Well, you can come in if you want."
"Just hurry up. You can show me your stuff at home, alright?" I said to Yuri.
"A�wight," Yuri whined, somewhajectjected.
When the girls were done at Frederick's, we then went out to the parking lot and I got in the HUMMV and Yuri wanted to ride with Misty May.

Meanwhile, outside Frederick's, Beavis and Butthead ran into Yuki Saiko.
Beavis said, "Hey baby, you wanna go out for some nachos? Damn, I'm smooth!"
"Okay!" Yuki exclaimed gleefully.
Then Beavis said to Butthead, "Huh huh, if I marry this chick, I bet you I'll score. Huh huh! That would be cool!"
Butthead then said, "Yeah, maybe you'll score if you get her stoned enough!"
"Shut up, Butthead! I�ll kick your ass!" Beavis retorted.
Anyhoooow, Yuki and Beavis ditched Butthead and went to Orange Julius for some nachos, and of course Yuki ended up paying, but she didn't mind. That's because she's so mellow and laid back. Then again, she's so lit half the time because she's such a heavy pot smoker... How heavy? Well, she goes through a QP (Quarter-Pound) every week all by herself (And it�s G-14, the good government grown stuff!)! I�d say she has a bit of a problem!!!! And considering her diminutive stature of only 5� 4�, it really hits her good when she packs a bowl...
Besides that, Yuki are known as the McGuyver of Bong Construction. She's a master because she took the Aaron Seymour Learn-At-Home Build-It-Yourself Bong Construction 101 Course through International Correspondence School (ICS). Iughtught her how to make bongs out of common everyday household items. She also got straight A's, and she worked very hard at her studies, and did lots of extra credit. She even made a bong out of an apple core.
Her most inventive piece was a squirrel holding up a flower that she bought at Home Concepts when she still lived in Appleton, Wisconsin, and she managed to dig it out so the flower was the bowl and you inhaled the smoke through the tail. I think it was made out of brass or something. (How that all came about was one day me and Andy were at HC and he saw the brass squirrel and he said Aaron would probably try to make a bong out of it, as well as numerous floor lamps we saw. I guess you would have had to have been there...)
Part of the reason she signed up for the course in the first place is because they got rid of that whiney fat-ass Sally �Jabba The Hutt�s Daughter� Struthers, and got the great one, William �r. Tr. Tambourine Man!� Shatner, back to do their ads. I only saw the William Shatner ICS ad like once or twice, and maybe they thought his acting on there was as hammy as his acting on the original "Star Drek", and that's why they yanked the ads, I don't know.
After grad-ee-atin� from the course, you'd hear typical statements on bong construction from Yuki like, "Alright, now we're gonna need three eggshells, a piece of bailing wire, and a toilet paper tube..."
Oh yeah, and one of her favorite T-shirts is the one that says "Hooked On Bong Hits Worked For Me"...
Also, her favorite movie is �Friday�, since she�s perpetually stoked. Which also brings to mind her favorite song, being �Caterpillar� Crystal Method Remix off the album DJ Keoki �altered-ego-trip�, which has the chorus, �I just can�t cope without my dope�. Yup, sounds like her...

Later that day, we find that Butthead caught up with them. Meanwhile, for as laid back as she seems, we find Yuki was getting all hopped up by free-basing on a big fat bag of crack. I guess she�s only tried it a few times...
Aw shit, if it's out there, she's tried it; Quaaludes, Peyote (Maybe that explains her �visions�), �shrooms, XTC, PCP, Vicodin (She�s got half a pound of the stuff, so she should be good �til about mid-August...), pot, coke, LSD (Which supposedly was invented in the late 50�s by the Army to be used on prisoners as a form of a truth serum), Ritalin, this girl�s done it all. Supposedly she�s taken 57 acid trips as well.
Jesus Christ! Is she trying to become the fuckin� female Keith Richards or what?!?! When she dies they could cremate her and get a wicked fucking high by smoking her ashes!
The only thing Yuki won�t try is Crystal Meth. Now that stuff actually scares the living shit out of her. Purportedly they've done tests on rats with this shit, and it's like one of the worst things you can take, and it can shut the brain down completely, so Yuki knows better than to mess with this shit.
Though I�d like to know how she�s supporting her habits, since she don�t have no job... At least we know she�s not a skank ho, and she don�t give it up for a fix. She�s too sweet for that (AS IF!).
Anyhoooow, after Yuki smoked her crack, she started talking real fast and incoherently like Beavis when he�s having one of his Cornholio fits.
Beavis then says, �Whoa! This chicks talks like me. She�s cool!�
�Uh, no..., Beavis. That sucks,� Butthead said to Beavis.
�Shut up Butthead! You�re just pissed because you never score!� said Beavis.
�Don't make me kick your ass!� said Butthead.
Well, this went on for about half an hour, and Yuki was just sitting there getting stoned and laughing her ass off at the two idiots...

Meanwhile, when we got home, Yuri prepared a guest room for Misty May. She then said, "If you two don't mind, I'm going to turn in for the evening. And thank you both for the hospitality."
Misty May is a very nice, articulate (Yes, please, thank you, etc.) and friendly girl. She doesn't make fun of anybody, because she knows what it's like to be made fun of from when she was Satsuki. Okay, she doesn't make fun of anybody except for Kei, (But that goes without saying, and is by all rights a given). She is also very laid back.
Then Yuri said, "Good night honey," and blew Misty May a kiss. Misty May smiled sweetly, blew one back, and then closed her bedroom door.
I don't know, but Misty May comes across as one of those "Lipstick Lesbians" (Though Jason Lee�s character claims they don�t exist in Kev Kevin Smith flick �Chasing Amy�), because she seems really feminine and sweet. Not that that's a baing,ing, mind you... Just glad she�s not one of those bitter bull-dyke, man-hatin�, truck-drivin� bitches, but if that was the case I doubt Yuri would be with her. She has more sense than that (I hope...).
Okay, maybe she�s a girl of easy virtue, sleeping with Yuri after they first met, but you can�t fault them for wanting each other, as they make a really cute couple.

Then Yuri and I went to our room and I took a shower, after which she went to take a shower as well. When she was done, she came out dressed in a silky white thong matcmatching silky baby doll tee, with nothing on underneath. We then sat in bed and talked.
Yuri then asked me, "So, do you think she's cute?"
"Is this a loaded question?" I asked suspiciously.
"What do you mean?" she asked, with a perplexed look on her face.
"Well, if I say no, you'll call me a fucking liar, and if I say yes, you'll get pissed at me," I told her.
"No"No, it's not like that. I just want to know what you think of her," Yuri told me.
"Well yeah, she's really cute. She seems like a really nice girl, and she seems really sweet. I think you made a good choice with her. You know, you have good taste in women," I told her.
Yuri then got kind of jealous and said, "She's mine! I saw her first! And besides, you're married to me." But then she says, "But you're right, she is pretty cute, eh? she she was a viwgin, she's never been with anyone... ever!"
�So how old is she?� I asked, out of curiosity.
�Twenty-three,� Yuri said.
�Way to go, Mrs. Robinson!�, I said.
�FUCK YOU!� came her retort. �I�m not that old and she�s not that young...,� Yuri whined.
�I was just kidding,� I said.
�So you really like her?� Yuri asked.
"She is very nice, and she�s a damn sight better than Kei (Not that that takes much)," I said to Yuri. I then asked her, "So who's the dom� with you two?"
When I ask that, I don't mean who's the one that wears the nasty black leather teddy with garters and the black lace top thigh high fish-net stockings, thigh high patent leather boots with the 5" stilettos with the gold spike heels, and black leather over-the-elbow gloves, and a leather biker cap and stands there with a riding crop in her hand and makes the other one wear a dog collar and that kind of shit, (Not that I wouldn't mind Yuri wearing something like that for me. Well, minus the riding crop, anyway...). I was just wondering which one is the one that takes charge and tells the other one what they want. Then again, Misty May would look kind of nice, wait, allow me to rephrase , be, because she'd look DAMN! fine in a get-up like that, with her short hair and huge knockers and all. I guess then we could call her Mistress Misty.
"Herrrrrr," she giggled. She then turned away, as she was blushing...
This I found to be quite a shock, since when we're together, Yuri has to be the dominant one, not that I mind. Maybe it's just a contrast to her sexuality. She's really a sweet girl, but she's not afraid to ask for what she wants in bed. Maybe it's just a turn-on to be the passive one when she's with a girl, while she's the dominant one when she's with me.
I can just see it now, Misty May sitting on the couch with her thighs spread wide open holding Yuri�s head down by her snatch, and Yuri�s on her knees with a vibrating butt plug buzzing away in her ass while she�s snacking on Misty�s little box while Misty�s feeling herself up. This while they�re both dolled up in sexy little teddies and nylons and high heels. Misty May wearing an all white lace-up front teddy with garter straps and padded cups, white lace top thigh highs, and a pair of e 5�e 5� pumps with ankle straps, while Yuri has on a pink teddy with white lace trim, garters and thigh highs, and a pair of sexy black 4 inch pumps. Seeing something like that, it�d be like a train wreck, and you can�t look away, (Nor would I want to...)
Anyway, Yuri then looked at me with a serious look, and said, "Honey, would you mind it if I wanted her to move in with us? I mean it's not like she'd be a bother or anything, and you said yourself that you like her. Besides, we have plenty of room. P'eeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?" Yuri started to whine and make her pathetic looks at me trying to persuade me to let her new girlfriend move into the house.
"Yuri, you don't have to act all pathetic to get me to say yes. If you want her to move in, I don't have a problem with it. Besides, I would have said yes either way," I told her.
Besides, Misty can�t be all bad, I mean after all her favorite group is Lords of Acid, as well as loving Insane Clown Posse, which is by the way my favorite group. (After I discovered them and bought a CD for shits and grins for the cover art in December 1999, having no idea what the music was like, but found they�s as twisted as me!!!).
"Oh honey! I love you so much! You treat me so good! I was just doing that because I figured it would help," Yuri admitted.
"You really love this girl, don't you?" I asked.
"OH YES! /B> Nigger wanna watermelon?"
Kei's like, "What?!?!?!"
"Your breath smells so bad, people look forward to your farts," the bird quipped back.
"What did you say?!?!" Kei said, sounding pissed with an expression of near rage on her face.
"BRRRRRRRRR! Human want a Tic-Tac?" the bird shot back at Kei, after which it started to laugh in a taunting manner.
I overhear this and burst out laughing.
Kei goes completely batshit and says "Why you little...!!!" as she picks up the cage and slams it to the floor and starts kicking it all over the store.
The bird is squawking the whole time and feathers were flying everywhere.
The owners kicked Kei out of the store, and told her that if she ever comes back, they'll have her arrested for trespassing.
I guess Kei went nuts about the watermelon comment because she's part black.

Well, me, Yuri, and Misty May all decided to ditch Kei, and we left her at the mall.
Well, Kei had to be all stupid (Ooooooooh! Like that's a stretch!), and she went back to the pet store and make a big deal out of everything. Then the owners called the cops on Kei and she got arrested for trespassing. They took out a retraining order on her ass, too.
Anyway, Kei called Yuri to bail her out of jail.
Me and Yuri went to the police station to bail her out, and Yuri saw Kei's mug shots laying on the counter. Being the smart-ass that she is, she said, "Ooooooooooh, mug shots! Can I get those in wallet size?"
Then the desk sergeant and Kei both shot her dirty looks.
"Well, can I at least get the numbers off the bottom, because I want to play the lottery," Yuri giggled.
"Just get the fuck out of here! And take the ditzy red-head with you!" the pig said.
"Oh, alwight. Wuin all my fun!" Yuri whined.
Then we left, and we dropped Kei off at her house.
Kei didn't say a word to either of us on the way home, because she was so pissed off.
When we got her home, Kei started to argue with Yuri in Japanese.
They were both getting all excited and arguingeakieaking Japanese the whole time.
I then put my head out the car window, smirked, and said, "Can I get subtitles for that?"
Then they both looked at me and said, "No, but you can get SIGN!" as they both flipped me off.
Well, their argument went on for about fifteen minutes, and Kei finally went into her house and slammed the door, and Yuri got back in the car.
Then we drove home.

Well, it was about 1:00 PM, and Misty May had to go to work, so Yuri wanted me to get all dolled up for her again, and I agreed. She had me wear a white teddy with a pink front and lacy sides that had garters, white stockings, and a pair of 5" white high heels with open sides and ankle straps for her. She then told me how cute I looked.
She got all dressed up in one of her sexy teddies too. It was a light lilac purple teddy with under wire cups that had a lacy front and a small bow at the cleavage that had garters, and she wore white lace top thigh high stockings, and a pair of low off-white 2" high heels. She wasn't wearing any panties, and she looked so sweet in that outfit.
She then told me to lay down on the bed and she started to perform fellatio slowly and sensuously on me. I told her how good it felt, and she just kept sucking on it while looking at me with a sweet expression in her big blue eyes. I then told Yuri when I was about to climax, and she then pulled it out of her mouth and I decorated her chest. Then she started to giggle.
"Oh, you like that, huh?" I asked.
"Yes," she cooed with a sweet smile on her face. She then started to suck on it again. She proceeded to do this for a couple minutes and took it out of her mouth. Yuri then proceeded to straddle me, and slowly began working it into her tight little ass. She then started riding me, and she had the most innocent look on her face.
"You're a naughty little girl," I said to her as she took hold of my hands and cupped them over her breasts, hinting that she wanted me to play witem.
em.
She then began to coo as I felt her up, and then she started making her whine/moan sound. I told her I was going to come, but she just kept riding me. I then shot it inside her ass, and she had the most innocent look on her face. She let out a long sigh. As she then tilted her head to one side, she had her eyes closed, and she had the most beautiful smile on her face.
She then gently washed my penis and put it in her shaved box. She had the most sweet angelic look on her face. I then came in her again, and she finally pulls it out of her and she then lays on top of me to take a rest.
Well, we made love for an hour, and then we just laid in bed and talked and laughed while we hugged.
We then took a nap, still dressed in our teddies.
Well, Misty May came home, and came into the bedroom, and there we were wrapped ich och other's arms. Well, she left our room and closed the door.

Later, Yuri woke up and got me up too. We then got dressed.
Yuri then went to make some supper fhe fhe four of us (Me, Yuri, Misty May, and Urara.)
Well, Yuri made some Hamburger Helper Beef Pasta with carrots and corn, because she knows that's my favorite kind. She served it up to the table with a cute little apron on that made her look like "Holly Home Maker".
After we ate, we all complimented Yuri on the delicious meal.
Urara ver very tired after spending the day with Yoshi, so she went to bed early.
While Yuri did the dishes, me and Misty May sat in the living room and talked.
"So uh, why were you dressed like that?" Misty May asked sheepishly, causing her to start blushing.
"Well, Yuri kind of suggested this morning that she'd like me to wear those things for her, so we went shopping after we stopped in the restaurant for lunch earlier today, though it's not something I want everybody to know about," I told her.
"Oh, well. I don't really care either way. If that's what you want to do. Your secret's safe with me. I was just wondering why," she said.

After Yuri got the dishes done and wiped off the table, she asked, "Do you want to play cards?"
I then frantically said, "Yuri, whatever I did, I'm sorry!"
She then said, "Not like that silly, besides, I don't use that thing anymore." She then said she meant that she wanted to know if we wanted to play a game of Magic. Me and Misty May both said yes as I let out a sigh of relief.
Well, I guess Magic became so popular that cards are now being printed in Braille, Swahili, and Aborigine. Yeah, I can just see that one, little Aborigines playing Magic in The Outback around the fucking campfire.
Shit, Yuri even actually managed to talk Kei into playing once, but it was by Kei's rules. Thus, under Kei's rules, instead of just using life points, you start out with 20 shot glasses lined up, and for every life point you lose, you have to take a shot of KCherCherry Mad Dog 20/20. Kei used my "Ben Deck" consisting of mostly rats, and Yuri had to play her shitty Atog deck (Which is the only deck she owns). Well, Yuri only lasted one game before passing out on the kitchen table, and Kei actually won. I guess Kei's heavy drinking/alcoholism actually helped her out for once. I guess it's a good thing they didn't do best two out of three... (Warning: Don't try this at home, as you'd probably end up poisoning yourself if your opponent's deck is better than yours, especially if they can pull off one of those one-turn kills.)
Anyway, Me, Yuri, and Misty May played a three way game.
Well, I played Black, Red, and Green with a couple of white cards thrown in, Misty May played Red and Green, and Yuri played her shitty 60 card deck consisting of only 20 Keldon Warlords, 19 Atogs, 20 Mountains, and 1 Mana Flare. Not quite tournament legal with the deck building guidelines allowing only four of any card that isn't a basic land, but what the fuck, that's what Yuri wants to play. We just play casual anyway...
Well, Yuri kept getting upset because she kept losing. We kept telling her it's all in deck construction, but she wouldn't listen to us.
During one game while Misty May was reconfiguring her deck, I played Yuri a one-on-one game. Anyway, she had out 10 mountains, and she played her Mana Flare. After that, she put out 6 Atogs. She seemed very proud of herself.
I then said, "Oh, you think so, huh?"
"What do you mean?" Yuri asked.
I then played a Wrath of God, and she went absolutely fuckin' nuts, and started calling me a 'bastawd' a 'son-of-a-bitch', and a 'mothewfuckew'.
Then during my turn I played a Lhurgoyf, and since there were already 11 creatures in the graveyard, plus the 6 Atogs that were just put there, he was now a 17/18 creature. Yuri did not like this, and she scowled at me.
Anyway, she played her turn and put down a mountain, and that was all she could do, because she cleaned out her hand last turn.
She was still at 20 life, but then I attacked with Lhurgoyf, putting a Giant Growth on it, giving it a +3/+3. She couldn't block, so she was reduced to 0 life.
Well, r thr that I had to put up with another hail of obscenities from her.
Misty May was still working on her deck, so me and Yuri played another one. We play so the loser of the previous game goes first, so she put down a mountain and said she was done.
I switched decks and played Red and Green. Anyway, I put down a Mountain, and a Black Lotus. I then made the Black Lotus Green, and cast a Channel (The Granddaddy of card combinations, though it's more like the Granddaddy of "Cheese" combos...) . I then sacrificed nineteen life to add nineteen colorless mana to my mana pool. I also had one red and one green left, so I played a Fireball which cost one Red, and shot her for 20 points, reducing her to 0. A one turn kill.
It wasn't quite that much fun though, because I never got out the homemade cards I made, taintain Ted's Bomb Depot, (In reference to the Unabomber) which I made out of an Unlimited Mountain, which reads "Tap to add R to your mana pool. 3: Tap to do 3 damage to any player. Damage is non-preventable." Kind of reminds my of the song I heard on "The Dennis Miller Show" one night, "Let me tell you a story about a man named Ted, a poor mountaineer who was fucked up in the head, he mailed out some bombs and he made some people die, and up througe woe woods came the FBI."
The other card was Goblin Bitch-Slap, which reads "3: Slap your opponent to put a 0/1 bitch token into play." See how many times you get away with that one...
Well, Yuri started hailing me with obscenities again and said how she was going to sell all of her cards.
I then said, "You're not going to get much for them Yuri, I mean the only good card you have is the Mana Flare."
"Yeah, well you'we not gonna get any tonight. Besides, them Atogs awe out of pwint, and they'we gonna be wowth money someday!," Yuri scowled.
"Good, I wanted to get some sleep tonight. And Yuri, by the time they're worth anything, you'll be dead and buried," I said.
"Yeah, but they'we bwack bowdew Atogs," Yuri said.
"That doesn't make any difference, Yuri," I told her.
We played Magic for about four hours, and then we all decided to go to bed.
Before bed, Misty May thanked Yuri for supper, kissed her on the cheek, and then went to her room.
Me and Yuri then sat around the table for awhile, and I told her that Misty May knows about her wanting me to wear teddies for her. I also told her that she doesn't care.
Yuri wasn't so upset about losing anymore, and she was happy to know that Misty May isn't upset about what she wants me to do.
Me and Yuri then went to bed as well. We didn't go to sleep right away though, because Yuri wanted to be nice to me and give me a backrub first. She was very good at it, and I felt very relaxed when I went to sleep.
I told her I loved her, and she said, "Me too, honey."
Then we both went to sleep as I laid on my side with Yuri's arm wrapped around me.

END

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