Crash

Title: Crash
Author: Shuukitty
Summary: Shuichi and Yuki must deal with their pasts, as well as the problems of their future after a serious accident.
Rating: NC17
Pairing(s): It’s a surprise!
Feedback: Desired and appreciated
Characters: The boys of Gravitation, as well as some OCs.
Betas: “Shuukitty” is the combined efforts of Tanithkitty and Croik, co-writers.
Author’s notes: This is a continuation after the date. This fic was written as a one-on-one RolePlay, so the POV switches just about every paragraph. Please be considerate and do not borrow original characters or situations without permission.
Thanks for reading and please enjoy!
// = Thoughts
** = emphasis
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, save the OCs, and I’m not making any money off this fic.


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Chapter One

Shuuichi’s fingers curled around the railing, keeping his eyes away from the photo Yuki was still clutching in his hand. He’d known that Yuki had killed a person—had known for some time—but somehow…it never seemed real. The person never had a face before, a past and a life. And seeing the open joy on the youthful face of his lover….

His first instinct was to get away, to find some fresher air that wasn’t so thick and heavy. He pulled away from the railing, but his fingers refused to release the cool metal. //I can’t move,// he thought with a shaky, silent chuckle. //What…can I possibly say?// His eyes darted briefly to Yuki’s sharp profile. “Yuki…I’m sorry,” he whispered, not knowing what else to do.

Yuki snorted quietly, the sound of Shuuichi’s voice drawing him back to the present. “Don’t be,” he murmured, running the tip of his thumb over the faces on the photograph. He felt as if he could almost touch flesh, could almostembeember what the texture of his hair had been. Just out of reach. “But it’s over now,” he continued vaguely, and with a sharp gesture of his hands he shredded the photo in two. “So what does it matter.”

Shuuichi gasped softly as the picture was torn. “Yuki—” He faltered immediately at the look on the elder man’s face. //It…it’s not over. You can’t just forget about someone like that, can you?// He shivered and clung to the railing a bit more. //I don’t know what to do….// Inching closer, he continued to fight the urge to run and watched the other’s expression.

Yuki continued to rip the photo into small pieces; his eyes twitched only once, when he watched as his own face was ceremoniously split in half. With a short sigh he flicked his wrist, casting the jagged pieces to the wind. “Is there anything else you wanted to see?” he asked abruptly. “If not, we should head back.” //I told him—I told myself I would, and I did. So that’s that.// He started to step away from the railing.

Shuuichi watched the pieces fall away a moment before turning around. “Um…no, I guess not,” he murmured, hurrying to catch up. //Well, there was the ferris wheel, but….// He shook his head. //I shouldn’t even be thinking of such a thing at a time like this.// Running a hand through his hair, he tried to keep from stumbling over his own feet.

Yuki glanced over his shoulder only briefly to see if Shuuichi was following. //See? It’s not like it changed anything. Was there even a point to telling him?// As they started back towards the parking garage he pulled a fresh cigarette out of his jacket, but because of the gentle wind he had some trouble lighting it. //Well just great.// At last the drug began to burn, and he took the first breath eagerly. //If only my therapist could see me now.// “So. Did you enjoy your date?”

He glanced up. //Yuki….// A slow, almost hesitant smile worked its way into his features. //He told me. Maybe it was a test, like last time. It’s not like I feel differently towards him.// Expression strengthening, he caught up to the other and hooked their arms together. “Of course! We’ll have to do it again soon, right?”

“Hmm. Sure.” Yuki’s tone wasn’t exactly excited, but at least things were back to normal. //It’s fine like this. Shuuichi…is fine, just like this.// He ran his free hand through his hair; there was a dull ache along his skull, but it seemed to come so often now that he barely noticed. //I wonder what that roller coaster did for my ulcer,// he thought with a dry smirk. “Maybe someplace quieter.”

Shuuichi nodded easily, watching the other’s movements. “Hey Yuki…” he started, growing serious. “I’m glad you told me. I’m sorry…that things turned out that way, but I’m glad you could tell me.” He hugged Yuki’s arm. //Because…it shows he trusts me.// Grinning faintly, he stretched up to quickly place a kiss on the other’s cheek. “Let’s go home.”

Yuki’s eyes thinned. “Sure.” He had really been hoping that Shuuichi wouldn’t bring it up again—he didn’t regret telling him, but he’d only done it because it seemed like he should, not for his own peace of mind. Not that he regretted it, either. There was just something unnerving about hearing his past on Shuuichi’s lips. //Just forget it for now. As long as you don’t mention it again, it won’t come up.// He exhaled a breath of smoke out the corner of his mouth.

//Well…fine.// Pouting, Shuuichi stubbornly held onto Yuki’s arm all the way to the car. He finally had to let go as he clamored into the passenger seat. //He’s being stupid again.// Once the author was settled, Shuuichi decided to try one last time to get a response. “So did you have fun? In the beginning, at least?” //Being with me…?//

//Might as well give him what he wants.// “I guess it didn’t kill me,” he replied, lifting an eyebrow to show he was kidding. He started the car and backed out—it was still somewhat early though the sun had gone down, meaning there was little traffic as they drove out of the garage. At least the ride home would be smooth.

Shuuichi snorted. “Meanie.” After that, though…he wasn’t sure what to say. So he resorted to the only option left.

“You know what? Seguchi-san said we might be ready for a real live concert. Not one of the little gigs, but a real concert in a big stadium. Hiro and Fujisawa are all excited, but Sakano-san of course started to freak out. Sometimes I wonder if he really has all that much faith in us, you know? Because half the time he acts like he thinks we’re gonna do something stupid. I think he’s just being ridiculous. I mean, all of us want to be famous, and this would be the greatest break, don’t ya think? We’d get a real spot on TV and everything. I’ve even been tryingthinthink of some new songs, too, so it would be especially good. Of course, Hiro will probably piss and moan over my lyrics, but it’s not like they’re *that* bad. Maybe I’ve been having a little trouble lately, but I’m sure if I could really concentrate for a while I could some up with some *really* incredible songs.” He paused a moment for a deep breath, then smiled at his lover. “Don’t you think so, Yuki?”

Yuki blinked—he hadn’t quite gotten all of that. He hesitated long enough to toss his cigarette butt out the open window. “Your lyrics could use some work,” he remarked, only because he knew he’d heard that word at least in there somewhere.

Shuuichi stuck out his tongue. “Well, excuse me for not being a great and amazing writer like you, Mr. Author. I do my best, you know. And besides,” he continued proudly, “I write great melodies. And harmonies. And Fujisawa is a great at making cool arrangements. It just means I’ve got something more to work on.” He poked Yuki in the jaw. “Maybe you’re jealous, ‘cause *my* words are gonna be on television.”

“And my last three books were bestsellers,” Yuki retorted knowingly, steering with one hand. At least things were starting to get back to normal; he was grateful for that. He reached over suddenly, giving the inside of Shuuichi’s thigh a squeeze. “But if you get fucked by a genius, maybe some of it will wear off on you.”

Immediately squirming, Shuuichildn’ldn’t help a pleased smile. //This is more like it—more like him.// “I’ll be sure to go and find one, then,” he retorted playfully, knocking the hand away. Instead he crawled both his hands over Yuki’s legs. “But I won’t do that yet, ‘cause you’ll get lonely while I’m gone.” He dug all his fingers into the other’s thigh in hopes of an interesting reaction.

Yuki gave him a shove in the chest, though he couldn’t hide the sudden tensing of muscle. “Not while I’m driving,” he warned, and to distract his young lover he slid his hand firmly up between his thighs. “It’s a long way home,” he teased, though with as straight a face as always. He curled and uncurled his fingers slowly. “Think you can make it?”

Reaching down, Shuuichi tried to hold the other’s fingers still, repressing his own shudder as best he could. “You’re just being mean now,” he accused as he fought to keep his voice in check. “Yuki doesn’t play fair. I want to touch you, too.”

“You want to end up in the ditch while we’re at it?” Yuki replied coolly. “I thought you’d like the perfect end to your ‘date’.” He moved his hand faster despite the fingers pulling at it, giving him playful squeezes. A slight smirk tipped the edge of his lips. “Shuu-chan.”

//Oooh, I like it when he says that….// Grinning, Shuuichi squirmed beneath the strong fingers, breath hissing a bit. “I’d rather…end it in a big bed,” he said hopefully. He pressed his thighs together in another attempt to pause the other. //God, I’m really turned on….// He giggled.

Yuki snorted, and at last returned his hand, setting it on his own thigh. “If you say so.” Though he couldn’t say his day had been the most exciting—or, in some places, the most pleasant—he felt suddenly that he would have done anything just to pull the car over and fuck him right there. He needed that—some good hard sex to make everything else insignificant. The thought was already making him hard, and he couldn’t help the subtle movement of his thumb against his leg.

Shuuichi—ever watchful—noticed the movement right away, saw the slight tension in his lover’s neck. He wiggled closer with eager eyes. “Looks like Yuki wants a bed, too,” he sing-songed, brushing his fingers very lightly over the back of the author’s palm. “Too bad it’s such a long way from home….”

“Not while I’m driving,” Yuki repeated, keeping his eyes trained ahead. Not that he was too worried about that—the traffic was light, and he was used to…multi-tasking. His hand tensed slightly beneath Shuuichi’s and shifted a little further up the inside of his thigh. //Damn, I’m horny. If you’re going to do it, just do it.// He tilted his head back slightly. //Unless you’d rather just watch.//

He was too pleased with the other’s actions to be all that daunted by his words. Shuuichi felt the seatbelt cut into his hip when he tried to move closer, and he frowned at it in annoyance. //We really shouldn’t, though, ‘cause it is pretty dangerous. But….// His eyes lit with excitement. //Maybe I’ll just make sure he *really* wants me.// Moving quickly, Shuuichi pulled the author’s hand away from his lap, lacing his own fingers through his to hold them still. His other hand reached up to give the man a brief, strong massage before returning to keep the author’s fingers trapped. “Then drive faster,” he encouraged.

Yuki hissed thinly through his teeth. “Damn brat.” But he was already pressing down on the accelerator, hurrying them along. //Thank God no one’s out around this time.// Despite his efforts to remain still he shifted every so often on the way back, fighting for some way to ease the tension. When they finally pulled up in the garage of his apartment complex he couldn’t get out from behind the steering column fast enough. “Come on.”

Shuuichi couldn’t help but laugh. He bounced out and raced for the elevator ahead of his lover. //He really is excited now—it’s been a while since he’s wanted to do this so badly.// The doors opened just before Yuki got there, and Shuuichi hurried inside. //He looks…really good.//

Yuki didn’t waste any time—as soon as the elevator doors closed behind them he snatched his lover by the front of his shirt, forcing him up against the wall. //Kind of like when we first met. Though I can’t say I was ready to hump him through the wall back then.// He ground their bodies together as he kissed him, deep and heavy. “This afternoon was for you,” he breathed between them, “so now it’s my turn.”

//Which is fine, since I love this too.// Shuuichi pressed back against the cold wall, tilting his chin up to more easily return his lover’s kiss. “I thought you had fun today, too,” he pointed out with a wiggle.

//I don’t want to talk about earlier.// He kissed him hard until the bell sounded, indicating they were on their floor. “Today’s not over yet,” he reminded as he practically hauled Shuuichi out of the elevator. He curled his fingers tightly up against the cleft of Shuuichi’s buttocks. And while he unlocked the door he leaned to whisper in his ear, “I’m gonna fuck you *so* hard, Shuu-chan. All night.”

Shuuichi flushed, leaning into that voice with a murmur. //Yup, he’s definitely in a mood now.// “You never…go that long,” he teased breathlessly. Once the door was open, though, he broke away to dart inside. //Just to make it fun.// He quickly toed out of his shoes before dancing towards the bedroom.

Yuki didn’t protest, in enough sense to lock the door behind him and slip out of his own shoes. He was already shrugging out of his coat and unbuttoning his shirt as he followed Shuuichi into the next room. //It’s almost not so bad, living with someone. Damn convenient.//

Since Yuki was already undressing, Shuuichi easily tugged off his own jacket and peeled his shirt over his head. //I wonder how he’s gonna want to do this? I usually like being able to see him, but he seems a little…too horny for that.// Giggling, Shuuichi leaned his legs against the edge of the bed as he focused on the buttons of his pants.

Yuki easily slapped Shuuichi’s hands away, finishing the job himself and tugging his pants down just over the curve of his butt. “So,” he drawled, digging his fingers into tight flesh, “what should I do?” //I must really be out of it to be asking,// he thought vaguely, //but he squirms when I talk dirty. I want him to squirm a lot tonight.// “Hump you like an animal, or bend your ankles past your ears?”

Shuuichi laughed and wiggled against Yuki’s hold. It was a little scary that the elder man had read his thoughts so easily. “Are you really asking me?” //His hands are really warm tonight….// Wondering what he’d be able to get away with, he spread his hands slowly over his lover’s bare chest. “You usually don’t, you know. Usually you just throw me down and see how I land,” he pointed out with a giggle.

“You’ve got until I get my pants off to decide,” he merely replied, giving Shuuichi’s lip a bite. He then stepped back, pushing his lover so that he fell onto the bed. //I’m almost curious to see what he chooses.// With a tilt of his eyebrow he turned around, beginning to finish his undressing.

Shuuichi immediately sat up on his knees, watching Yuki continue to undress as he quickly considered what he should do. //He’s being real generous tonight. I wonder if….// He grinned, and crawled closer to the edge of the bed. //He’ll probably not let me do anything—he might even smack me for this—but it’ll bn ton to try.// Hands poised, he waited until Yuki began to straighten and turn. Unable to keep from laughing, Shuuichi grabbed his lover’s shoulders and pulled him down onto the bed with him. “Gotcha!” he cried gleefully leaning over Yuki to plant a playful kiss to his nose.

“Hey.” Yuki shoved him in the chest, but it wasn’t nearly enough to really move the boy. “That wasn’t one of your choices.” But there was something about Shuuichi’s boldness that excited him, and though usually he didn’t like being on his back for now he was too horny to care. //Though I’ll regret it later, giving him this much freedom.//

Overjoyed that he was allowed to remain, Shuuichi bent down for a more satisfying kiss. //I can’t believe it—he’s really letting me stay for now!// He spread his hands over Yuki’s chest—slowly, gradually adding what strength his small fingers could give, pressing up against the man’s side. Shuuichi wiggled some more as he finally came up for air, eyes bright with excitement. “You’re being real generous tonight,” he teased.

“So don’t press your luck too far,” Yuki shot back, grinding his palms into Shuuichi’s thighs. “Let’s just see what you think you can do.” He tugged the boy back into a deep, demanding kiss, giving his hips a slight buck. //If you’re that happy with it, let’s go already.//

//Yup—it’s because he’s really horny. But that’s okay.// Eager to take as much advantage of the situation as he could, Shuuichi shifted to kneel on either side of Yuki’s hips. He let his lover control the kiss as he lowered himself. A soft moan slipped through his nose at the feel of hot flesh against him.

//I don’t like it on my back.// Yuki ground his teeth and tightened his hands, restraining himself when all he wanted was to be buried in his young, tight lover. That, at least, would keep him from worrying about his own stubborn preferences. But he was too proud to try and correct it, not after he’d allowed Shuuichi the choice. “Get on with it,” he growled, running his fingers over him. “Before I fuck you raw.”

“So impatient,” he teased, but Shuuichi knew better than to draw it out for too long. He crawled forward, leaning over him. “You sure you don’t want to switch?” he asked lightly, touching a kiss to Yuki’s lips. “I wouldn’t mind, you know.”

Yuki considered only for a moment, though it was a serious moment—he really wasn’t all that comfortable on his back, and it meant he would have a lot less control. But again he was too stubborn to say otherwise. “I said you could choose, didn’t I? Don’t worry about it.” He pawed at Shuuichi’s stomach anxiously and returned the kiss with force. //Now don’t make me say it again.//

Shuuichi gave it up—he knew that expression all too well, and it would be no use arguing. Not unless he really *did* want to end up raw. So he smiled and kissuki uki back, reaching behind to guide him as he lowered himself down. He did it quickly, knowing his lover would prefer it even as it made his spine straighten with the expected pain. “Mmm….”

Yuki couldn’t help a quiet sigh of relief, a curl of his lip. At last he was able to give Shuuichi the time he needed to adjust. //It feels a little odd, from this angle. I don’t think I’ve ever done it this way before.// He reached down, clasping his hands tightly around Shuuichi’s hips to give him stability.

A few deep breaths helped him along, and soon his eyes fluttered open once more to smile weakly at his lover. “Kinda weird this way, huh?” Shuuichi slowly raised himself up, his voice a soft whine at the unfamiliar movement.

“Yeah.” Yuki guided him back down once more, pushing up with his hips to meet him. He growled quietly. //Seems tiring. Not that I don’t have the energy.// “It’s not so bad.” It was taking more concentration than he would have liked but gradually he began to work them into a slow rhythm, pumping up against him to make it a little easier on Shuuichi. “Is it?”

Shuuichi hummed again, shifting slightly to try and find— “Ah! No….” He grinned as he began to move with more motivation. “No…it’s good….” Moaning, Shuuichi sat back hard, trying to find his lover’s usual force with some success. “Yu…Yuki….”

Yuki stretched his head back, hissing thinly as he continued to guide them. He had a feeling he was putting more work into it than was meant for his role, but he was too used to having the control to leave it to Shuuichi very easily. It was quickly wearing him out. All too soon he felt his strength abruptly leave him, and he bit his lip hard as he thrust into his lover one last time.

//Ohh….// Shaking his head, Shuuichi kept moving a moment more before he was just too exhausted to continue. His release was abrupt, and he slumped forward while still seated on his lover. //Maybe…it’s not better like that….// He chuckled weakly to himself.

“Damn….” Yuki flopped against the bed, pausing only to run a hand back through his hair. Then he was carefully urging Shuuichi off of him. “Was it…everything you wanted?” he teased, biting lightly at the boy’s lips and climbing out of bed. He was exhausted, but after everything that day he was read for some real relaxation. “I need a shower.”

Shuuichi stretched out on his back, smiling faintly. “It was…nice,” he replied. //I’m gonna make a mess, though.// Wanting nothing more than to curl up, he quickly rolled over and stood. “Lemme just go in quick, okay?” he asked, hopping close to kiss his lover. “Wouldn’t want to ruin your nice sheets, after all.”

“Hmph. Sure.” Yuki allowed him to slip past, changing course instead to fetch a cigarette. He was…exhausted, and as Shuuichi disappeared into the bathroom the room grew unnaturally still. With a frown Yuki made his way to the window, tipping the blinds open so he could see a second set of stars coming to life. //I wonder…if everything can go back to being this normal this easy.// He snorted. //If I thought it’d be like this, I would have told him sooner to get it over with.//

Shuuichi took care of himself quickly, wanting to get to sleep as soon as he could. He…wasn’t ready to let the rest of the day catch up to him yet. Even the sex had felt like an escape, like something else to think about. Now he was tired and ready to forget everything for a few more hours.

Sneaking back into the bedroom, he caught an unusual look on his lover’s face. //Yuki…you’re thinking about it, right?// He frowned slightly. //Well, I’m not ready to think about it agaiNot Not yet.// He scooped his boxers off the floor and pulled them on. “So…should I leave?” he asked softly. “I mean, it’s late, but should I just stay on the couch then?”

“If you want.” Yuki snuffed out his cigarette and headed to take his turn in the bathroom. “This is still your date, I guess. Sleep wherever you want.” Maybe he just didn’t feel like making any decisions right now, or was just too tired to care, but maybe Shuuichi would appreciate it.

The bathroom was still warm when he stepped in—at least he had that to look forward to.

Shuuichi stood just inside the room for a long moment, indecisive. //Well…I guess he didn’t turn me out, so….// He slipped over to the bed, crawling across to the farther side and settling on his back. //I wonder if he’ll sleep close tonight. It’d be nice, maybe even holding him….// Smiling with the image, he tugged the blankets up to his chest and stretched. “Yuki….”

Yuki took a longer time in the shower than he usually did, letting the water run down his face and back, breathing in the steam. It might not have been enough to make him feel completely clean again, but it helped. At last he was changing back into his clothes for the night. //So, Shuuichi decided to stay. Not that I couldn’t have guessed.// With a quiet sigh he slipped into bed and rolled onto his stomach beside the boy. “Good night.”

Blinking, Shuuichi glanced over at his lover. //Yuki….// He shifted closer until he could place a soft kiss against the man’s shoulder. “Good night, Yuki,” he whispered, giving the author his space once more. “Thank you…for taking me on the date. Even if you didn’t really want to, I’m…glad you did.” //Glad for…everything.//

“It wasn’t like that,” Yuki said before he thought better of it. //I wanted to take you…so I could tell you. That’s all.// He pressed his face into his pillow to hide whatever expression it might have held. //If that makes me a selfish bastard, oh well.// “Don’t worry about it.”

He shrugged, arms draped across his stomach. “I’m not worried. I’m just glad…we got to spend time together.” //Other than just being here. Sometimes….// His eyes closed, and a small shiver when through his damp, cooling skin. //Sometimes, when I leave…it feels like it was all a dream.// His fingers curled in the blankets.

Yuki stared across the surface of his pillow, awrom rom Shuuichi. //Of course…I guess that’s all you want, after all. All you ever talk about.// He tightened his arms around his pillow. //To be closer to me. I…don’t get it.// “Come closer,” he muttered. “Just…for tonight, since it’s still your date.”

Shuuichi blinked and glanced over. //Yuki?// He shifted closer hesitantly, brushing faintly against his shoulder. //Is he being serious? I mean, does he want me here…for real?// Turning his head, he touched his nose against blond hair. //I wonder if he’d let me….// “Is this…okay?” he asked, trying desperately not to move even closer.

Yuki snorted. “Closer,” he repeated, shifting slightly—not really closing any distance, just…inviting, maybe. “Are you my lover or not?”

Smiling, he did so, slipping his arm beneath Yuki’s and setting his cheek on his shoulder. Once that contact was made, Shuuichi relaxed with sudden relief and turned his body to fit better against his lover. “Yes,” he answered, softly but strong. “Yes I am.”

“Well, good.” Yuki’s shoulders started to creep up, unused to such close contact when he was about to sleep, but he forced them down. //Maybe I’m just using him, trying…to get over everything.// He closed his eyes. //Maybe I’m just being selfish. But…he came to me. I won’t regret anything.// With a quiet sigh he turned his head, so that soft dyed hair tickled his face. He…wasn’t sure what to make of it. “Goodnight.”

//To hell with it.// Taking advantage of the position, Shuuichi stretched his neck to deliver a soft kiss to the other’s lips. “Goodnight, Yuki,” he whispered, turning his nose against his lover’s shoulder again. //I love you.//

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--Shuukitty--