Bordellos on the wind

Bordellos on the wind
Chapter 1 Awakenings

[Wow! I haven’t heard of a first chapter being called “awakenings” since…the last time I read a first chapter.

Let’s change it then

Slime-n-ings]

He looked up from the ground. The rocks were still sliding down the surrounding hills. He hated the west. But he had to come. A vampire had actually thought he could get away. Well he'd proved him wrong. The beast now lay in a pile of ash after he forced him into the sun.

It was a fitting end for it. He ravaged women and men alike,

[Kinky!]

all across the eastern frontier, and then fled west to do it all over again.

[At least he didn’t flee east, I’d hate to see him ravaging fish.]

"Is it over?" asked a small voice from his left hand.

[Who was, after all, his best friend and faithful lover.]

"I think so." He'd been traveling further west to the coast, hoping to meet ships traveling further west, and eventually arrive at the shores of his homeland. Not that he really had a home.

[Poor orphaned dhampil. Won’t someone adopt him?

Me! Well, not adopt, but he can stay as long as he wants.]

Only he'd been hindered of late. Sand storms,

[On the sea? SAND ON THE SEA!! What kind of a sea is this?

Sand is on the bottom of the sea. If there is a storm that picks up sand form the bottom of the sea, it’s called The Apocalypse.]

twisters,b floods, and now earth es. es. He hated the western world.

"Good, now what say we get out of here."

[It would really help if you took the time to mention WHO was talking.]

He agreed, for the first time.

[D never agrees with the parasite. He ignores it. No matter what.]

But just as he was getting to his feet, another shook the ground.

[Another WHAT shook the ground?]

"Aftershock!" he shouted, as the ground opened up and swallowed him.

[You can’t have an aftershock without an earthquake beforehand. Otherwise it’s just an earthquake.

We’re from California. We know.]

"D? you you awake?" asked the symbiot. It raised his left hand and pushed back his hair.

[Then it decided to draw funny mustaches on D until he woke up.]

"D wake up!"
He coughed and the salty taste of blood passed over his tongue.

[Who coughed? The parasite or D?]

Well it wasn't the first time he'd cut his lip. It will heal, just as quickly as other wounds.

[Cutting your lip is NOT a wound.]

"Where are we?"

"About 30 feet lower than we were a moment ago. What's that sound?"

[Me, banging my head on the keyboard, angrily wondering which one of you is saying what lines!]

He stood and listened. "Sounds like water." He said, and from one of the many caves in this new cavern came an ankle high wave. It wasn't fresh water. It was cloudy and murky.

"Oh, now that is sick."

[No, but the person who made it is sick, probably needs a doctor.]

"Look whose talking." It washed over his boots, but it didn't move like water. It rolled over the ground and around his feet like a

[Kitty!]

kind of ooze. He followed it where it had come from, wondering what else he'd find.
"D, I think this is a bad idea."

[I’ve got a bad feeling about this.]

"Quiet, I need to listen." The corridor

[The corridor is talking? And I thought D was acting out of character when it’s just talking architecture.]

opened from a split in the earth about 15 feet long, to a concrete hallway that extended another 25 feet inward.

[How can he see this without any light?]

He turned a button on his combat belt

[D…has a combat belt…WHAT THE HELL?

Duh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh, BATMAN!]

to add just a little light to the gloom ahead. Not that he really needed it, but it was reassuring to have.

[Aww, does big strong vampire hunter still sleep with a nightlight?

D must be some sort of Trekkie.]

At the end of the old hall, he found a huge room. Light fixtures hung from the cracked ceiling, along with wires, old pipes, and ductwork. The room was heavily damaged, and none of the lights worked anymore. The ooze continued to over flow his feet

[That made the least bit of sense in this entire fic. Wait, this ooze has no smell to it. Maybe it’s unflavored Jell-O that hasn’t fully congealed yet.]

and was starting to get deeper. He stepped onto an old metal desk just as a surge of fluid moved up his legs and a human body pushed over the edge of a deep pool of the fluid.

The body was swollen and bland,

[He TASTED it? Eww.]

without signs of any advanced decomposition, but the person had been dead a long time. He looked out over the surging fluid. There were bodies floating up everywhere. "I think this was an Ark." He said finally.

"A what?"

[A large mysterious object which is sought after by Nazis and some archeologist with a hat and a whip.
A noise made by an irritated seal.]

"An Ark. A place where people of great importance were placed in suspension, to survive the coming holocaust. When my father learned of it, he called me home. We hibernated for close to 600 years before it was necessary for us to immerge."

[Because our library books were overdue.]

"I remember. Your father made you drink enough blood, both our teeth were floating."

[That was the most irrelevant comment I’ve ever read.

“Both our teeth?” They only have two? They need a new dentist.]

"I'd rather you didn't mention that."

[D, when you don’t want your hand’s opinion, you clench your fist to shut it up, you don’t respond. Geez, did you hit your head or…oh, right, you did. Never mind.]

"So what happened here?"

[Office party. By the way, who’s talking? No one is in character enough for me to tell.

I assumed the corridor was still talking.]

"Some say, from what Arks were found, that though they were designed to survive the holocaust, they could not withstand the years of earthquakes, and other events. Their structures were weakened or destroyed, but always the power sources failed, and the people died."
"Well, that's not good, so lets get out of here, that stench is getting to me."

He turned to leap off the desk and return the way he came when he heard someone cry out. He turned back and looked out over the pool, and saw someone trying to stay afloat in the ooze.

"Help!!" the figure screamed, obviously female. "I can't swim in this!!! Help!!!!"

[‘Help!’ The figure screamed, obviously unable to swim.

“Help!” the figure screamed, obviously one foot high because they were drowning in shallow sewer water.]

He ran as fast as he could to the edge of the pool,

[There’s a pool in here? Man, those Arkers really wanted to survive the holocaust in style. Do they have a hot tub too?]

which was hard to find in the murky depths. He grabbed a length of wire

[Look out for that tree!]

from the ceiling and stretched out his hand. Not even coming close to her, he removed his sword from his back. With it's sheath still on, he held it above the shank

[A shank is a leg of a horse. What the hell is going on?]

and stretched out once more. "Grab on!!" he ordered.

[‘Large fries and a hamburger with all the fixings,” he ordered.

‘Sorry, we don’t serve lunch yet,’ the figure said.]

Her hands grasped the sheath several times, but slid off. However, determination and the instinct of self-preservation drove her to try again.

[No, she just wasn’t stupid enough to say l, il, it’s not like I’ll reach it, since my hands slipped on the first try. I think I’ll stand here and drown.’

Actually, she’s dumb enough to grab at sharp pointy objects if some stranger tells her to]

Finely she grasped the sheath and was able to hold tight. He dragged her through the slime to its edge, and helped her to the safety of firm footing.
She tried repeatedly to wipe the ooze from her face, barely succeeding enough to see. He tried to help her, his hands being cleaner than hers, but she pushed him away. "Get away!!! Don't touch me!!!"

[Oh, I bet that attitude will last…five, six seconds?]

she staggered to her feet trying to put on an air of defense, when all she was, was scared half out of her mind. "What have you done to me!!!" she accused.

[Parasite: I told you people find a huge guy with a glowing belt frightening.

avedaved your friggin’ life, are you stupid or something?]

"Miss, please calm down."

[D NEVER addresses ANYONE as ‘Miss’ He must have REALLY hit his head.]

He stepped toward her in his dim light, but she jumped back, tripping over debris beneath the surface. She fell backward as the tank surged again, and a body floated across her lap. She screamed at its sight, all wrinkled like a raisin, and swollen at the saime.ime. She pushed it off her and scrambled

[…some eggs, coz 2000 years in a tank of ooze can really give you an appetite.]

away.
She followed the feel of the wall around to the corridor, where she noticed a light. A glimmer of hope of escape eclipsed her terrified mind, as she ran for the light, stumbling over debris and other bodies as she went.

"Wait!" he called repeatedly, but she kept going.

[D doesn’t yell. D doesn’t care if someone waits. ]

"Let her go!" said the symbiot, "some thanks for saving her from drowning."

"She's scared," he said, ignoring the voice.

[Usually you wait for someone like Doris to point out the obvious.]

"She could get killed. Girl! Wait!!!"

[Tell me, author, WHEN has D ever addressed anyone as ‘girl’?]

She stepped out into the blinding light and screamed. It was too bright. She couldn't take it.

[The “blinding” light? It was “dim” two paragraphs ago.

This is the craziest description of a blowjob I’ve ever read.]

She tried again to see, but it was no good. She saw blurred shadows pass through the light, and could hear footsteps, then a deep rumbling growl.

[Kitty! Or perhaps, Doggy!]

D reached the end of the cavern in time to see her scramble by, a great beast pursuing her. "Oh well, she's lunch." He ran into the light drawing his sword.

[So the light WASN’T his belt? Either that, or this place has very weird physics.]

Hruckruck the creature several times across its back,

[Bad creature! BAD! You don’t know where that thing has been!

A sword is not a stick. You slice with a sword, you whack with a stick or a rolled up newspaper.]

sparks flying as the metal hit heavy scaled plating. The creature turned and lunged at him, he leapt back. "You have to get under it!"

[*snicker*

I doubt it’s in the mood, D.]

"I know!" the creature

[Who’s talking? The creature? Why would the creature say that?]

rose to bring its slashing claws down on him, but he raised his sword and slit the soft underbelly, from its tail to chin. The creature spilled its innards over the ground,

[Now that’s just clumsy.]

its blood mixing with the slime river that flowed. It died before it hit the ground.

[Well, most creatures kind of need those squishy bits inside them.]

He ran past it to the strange girl, she sat in the slime-blood river,

[The Cuyahoga?]

gasping for air.

"Are you all right?" he asked, looking her over to be sure none of the crimson flow came from her.

[That time of the month…]

She fainted into his arms.

I[, a typical fragile and weak female, have fainted a grand total of ONCE in my life, and that was when I gave blood after having not eaten for four days. Not every time I’m slightly scared or surprised. Is this girl an opossum or something?]

"You do have that affect on women, don't you, D."

[Actually, he doesn’t. Doris never fainted on him, Neither did Ramica, Carmilla, Charlotte, Leila, Caroline, or Meier, who dresses girly enough to count as one in this situation. Neither did Benge, I’m not sure if Benge was a girl or boy, but Benge didn’t faint on D.]

"Shut up." He picked her up over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and started back along the chasm, looking for a means to climb out. If the creature got in, there was a way out.

[Unless, of course, the monster fell into the chasm and never found it’s way out.

Okay, so first it was a cave, then a corridor, then a tank, now it’s a chasm? These are not synonyms. Where exactly are they?]

D watched her from across the fire. Unsettling dreams clenched her newly awakened mind; most likely memories of the coming madness.

[Um, how do you remember something if it’s in the future? And why are you dreaming if you’re awake?]

She tossed in her sleep from side to side, wanting to run he was sure, run from the madness, the war, death and ructruction.

[Run, Mary Sue, Run.]

She suddenly screamed and sat up, her long brown hair flying past her frightened eyes.

[Girl: AAAAAAH! MY HAIR! IT’S TRYING TO FLY AWAY! AAAIIIIIIEEEE!
D: *eating popcorn* *chew, chew, chew*

D: *Chew, chew* She must have seen too many movies or something, because people don’t really sit up right after having nightmares. *chew, Chew*
Chu-chu: Chu! Chu, chu chu! Chu-chu!]

"Are you better now?" he asked. She turned sharply at the sound of his voice. Peering at the blurred figure through fire highlighted locks of gold.

[Saying sentences which were not sentences.]

"I'm not your enemy," he said, "here," he tossed a bag across the fire,

[Which was a dumb idea, because it caught on fire and landed in her lap.

That would kill her, as she would then be on fire. Why is that a dumb idea?

Oh, right, she’s a Mary Sue, I forgot.]

stuffed full with supplies for her. "After I got you settled here, I went back down to the Ark. The storage room was broken open. I found your picture on one of the bags. I assume it was your personal affects. I went through the other bags and took some clothes and other items. I hope the clothes fit you. No one else survived so they won't be missed."

"Where am I??" she asked, visibly still shaken from her ordeal.

[Waking up in slime is an ordeal?

Sometimes it’s an ambition!

Sometimes it’s the end of a very successful date.

Sometimes it’s an ideal.]

"A cave, above where I found you. I don't normally hold up in caves, but it started to rain and you needed shelter."

[What does he mean, “I don't normally hold up in caves?” Does he mean that if he stays in a cave, he’ll melt or something?

I’m melting! Melting! What a fic, what a fic…]

He watched her as she, again, tried to wipe off the unseen slime

[Unseen slime? Is it invisible, or not really there? If she’s sitting next to a fire, it would probably have solidified by now.]

she'd been submerged in for so long. "Easy, I found a river after climbing out of the chasm. I washed off all that stuff."

[But no one asked a question. Does D mention random facts? ‘I have a big hat.’ ‘My hand talks.’ ‘This is a horse.’

Wait a minute, Where the hell is the horse? Did it quit out of disgust? Did D just forget about it? Did Mary Sue eat it? Maybe that’s where the so calleupplupplies’ come from]

She didn't listen

[Hey, she may be a Mary Sue, but she has enough sense not to listen to D’s lunatic OOC ravings.]

as she continued to wipe her arms and chest. She'd been forced long ago to wear a white body suit, complete with sleeves and leggings,

[No one puts leggings on under a body suit, and it is usually obvious that a bodysuit has sleeves]

some dignity given her at least.

[“Forced” and “dignity” are not compatible ideas.]

She wore it still as she sat before him,

[Well, she obviously wouldn’t just take it off and then sit next to him completely naked…I hope.]

a blanket over her legs. She crawled from her sleeping place and supported herself against the cave wall as she stood.

"Please, rest. You've been through a lot,"

[Physically, or mentally? A lot of what? Slime?]

he said, crossing the cave to her.

[Wait, she sat next to him, and then stood up, and now she’s all the way across the cave? Is this some sort of M. C. Escher cave?]

She pushed him away and followed the sound of the rain. He followed. "Wait!" He turned her to him, only to have her shake him off.

[D, get a fucking clue!

No, he’s suddenly and magically found himself irresistibly attracted to this woman whose main attributes thus far are:
a)An inability to swim in foot-deep water
b)A tendency to faint for no good reason
c)A profound lack of gratitude]

She turned again and kicked her left leg high as her turn completed. He knew the maneuver very well, a roundhouse kick it was called, he stepped back before her foot came near him. Still weak from what happened, the maneuver unbalanced her and she fell back. If D's fast moves had not caught her, she would have fallen off the narrow path to the cave, possibly breaking her neck in the fall down the cliff.

[Pity. She could have died and spared us all a lot of boredom.

D, how could you?]

"Fainted again did she?" said the voice, as D looked onto her again unconscious form.

[She keeps fainting for no reason. Is thsomesome point to all this?]

"Do shut up!" he snapped, suspending her in his arms. "She's frightened, and hasn't a clue as to what is going on. I don't blame her for acting this way."

[Why is D talking to the parasite? Usually he ignores it. In fact, why is he talking at all? This is so unlike him.]

"Well you know, you could calm her down a little. They always said fine wine gets better with age."

[When in doubt, have sex with the girl. It always fixes things.]

"Don't even suggest it." He said, spreading the blanket back over the girl.

[Hand: I just did.]

"Well it's not like she'd put up much of a fuss."

[Okay, all D’s done is save her life and be nice to her, and she’s screamed, fainted, and tried to kick him in the face. I think she’d put up one hell of a fuss.]

D slammed his left hand into the dirt, hurting himself as well as the symbiot. "Ouch! That hurt!"

[Hand: That was redundant of me to say.

Hand: Funny how I’ve suddenly been reduced to the comedic level of “farting animal sidekick.” *fart* *burp* *oink oink oink*]

"Good."


Everyone was staring.

[Everyone? I thought he was still alone with the girl, where’d these other people come from?]

He knew people stared at him, wherever he went, but this time it was mainly morbid curiosity.

[None of them had ever seen a Mary Sue in their life.

Lucky them.]

He could imagine what they were thinking,

[‘Poor guy, stupid enough not to know he’s got a Mary Sue with him, I hope he meets a quick and painless end.’

‘I really should put a pool in my backyard. But they’re so expensive. Maybe I’ll just get a Slip-N-Slide.’

Those can’t be real? Can they?]

not that he really cared. He rode up to the tavern, the only place in this shore town

[Shore is a boring place! (groan)]

that had any rooms to rent. He slid carefully from his saddle, the Ark girl suspended in his arms without any effort. Her duffle bag already slung on his back, he entered the establishment. Taking a moment to look at his surroundings, he strode to the bar.

[WHAM!]

"I need a room." He said to the keeper.

[And I need some coffee to stay awake during this damn fic! Mmmm…coffee-licious…..]

"Obviously," sneered the bald man, a sly smile across his lips.

D just stood there. The man's smile faded under the newcomer's cold chiseled gaze. "Shelly!" A tall tavern maid emerged from the kitchen. "Take these two love birds to room seven."

"Yes sir," said the girl, grabbing the room's key from the wall cabinet. "This way sir."
She led him up a flight of stairs and down the hall, stopping only a moment to straighten the hall's cracked mirror. She then unlocked the door and ushered them in. "Would you like a hand?" she asked. D looked back to her.

[D: No, I already have two. Unless you have one that doesn’t talk, I’m not interested.]

"Turn down the bed,"

[Is it like turning down the stove? Who would cook with a bed?

Is that like turning down a date? “Sorry, bed, but I don’t know you well enough to feel comfortable sleeping on you.”]

he said.

[So Shelly is a Hermaphrodite?

Kinky!]

In a flutter of skirts,

[And nothing else, because she was topless

Kinky!]

the woman went to the double bed and pulled back the covers. She then put one pillow aside and stepped back. D strode over and gently put the girl down and covered her.

[Which girl? Shelly or the Mary Sue?

Both! Kinky!]

"I stopped by your physician's office, but he wasn't there. Do you know when he'll be back?"

[Shelly: I’m a call girl, not his damn secretary!]

"He's in the brothel down the street." She said. D shook his head. "No, not that, he gives the girl's check-ups every two months."

[D: Is that what you call it in this town?

Shelly: Yes, it is. Can you imagine telling someone that the doctor is currently having sex with a whore?
D: Yes.]

"Get him."

"Is she very sick?"

[D: I’m a doctor, not a hunter! No, wait, that came out wrong.]

"Get the doctor, woman!"

[D: “Ugga ugga Doc-tor, ugga! Ook ook uggga oog, wuh-mun! Wuh-mun!”]

He pushed her out the door and then went back to the girl, laying the back of his right hand against her forehead. Her fever was still climbing.

[Fever: I think I can, I think I can…]

He pulled off her duffle bag and his sword and laid them at the foot of the bed. He took the washbasin

[Look out for the slut-eating basin…Oh, wait, D’s safe.

But Mary Sue’s not!]

to the lavatory, poured cold water from the tap and took a small raged cloth off the shelf.

[The cloth is raging again… should we do something?]

He returned to her side and started wiping her forehead. She opened her eyes and looked at him.

"Who...who are you?" she asked quietly.

"I was wondering when you'd ask that. I'm called D.

[This episode of Sesame Street was brought to you by the number 7, D, and the Children’s Television Workshop.]

What's your name?"

[D: D…uh, you know, sometimes I wish I had a last name to make a cool James Bond parody.
Girl: My name’s Sue. Mary Sue, if you hadn’t figured that out by now.]

"Kale," she whispered.

[*Cracks open dictionary* Kale: (noun) a type of vegetable related to spinach

Kale: Better than the name my sister Zephafiph got.]

"Kale. Not to worry. A doctor has been sent for. We'll have you back on your feet in no time."
"No..." she tried to rise, but he held her down. "No...no doctors...no more...NO!!!"

[Kale: NO!!! NO MORE LLAMAS! NO! NOT THE LLAMA! ANYTHING BUT THE LLAMA!

KINKY!]

she screamed over and over, then fell silent as sleep took her.

[There’s that fainting thing again. Is this ever going to be explained?

Apparently narcolepsy is a symptom of Mary Sueism.]

"Quite a set of lungs on this kid."

[D: I’ll remember that when the author makes me have sex with her. I’ll have to buy a gag.

Kinky!]

"Quiet! Someone's coming."

[Well, this IS a brothel, after all…]

The door burst open

[The DOOR? Jesus… People fuck anything these days.]

as the tavern woman led another man in.

[To fuck the door? “Why, yes, this is our favorite, ah, exhibit.”]

"What's wrong?" she asked, out of breath,

[Yeah, giving head does that to you.]

the doctor wheezing too,

[Yeah, giving head does that to you.]

obviously from running back to the tavern.

[Oh, yeah, “running,” I’m so sure that’s really why he’s all out of breath. Is that also why his fly is undone?]

"You can go." D said to the woman. "Doctor,

[Lecter]

catch your breath.

[Stop giving me head and listen!]

I needed you here quickly, but not exhausted."

[Hello, Clarice …

Not exhausted? Um, what were you going to do with him?]

"Sir please, I heard screaming."

[Yeah, well, you have to pay extra for that.]

"Out!!" He again pushed the woman out and closed the door.

"What seems to be the problem?" the old doctor asked, wiping his brow with his sleeve.

"She's got a fever."

The man set to work, looking over the girl, as D explained how he'd found her.

[Doctor: You fell thirty feet, wound up in sludge, and dragged some wierdo all the way over here? You’re definitely my next patient]

Secure that whatever he told the old man; he could not tell anyone else for fear of losing his practice.

[Can someone use a semicolon correctly please?]

Surprise reflected in the old man's eyes when D mentioned the Ark.

[The Surprise! It’s coming right for us!]

"No one has ever survived."

[Mary Sue Park: Something has survived.]

The physician said.

[D: No, I’m not talking about Noah…]

"Where is this place, I'd love to see it."

"Can't. It was engulfed in a lava flow just as I got out. I did get this though."

[Where’d the volcano for the lava come from? This fic is like ‘Journey to the Center of the Earth’ only backwards. Next someone’s going to eat a duck after discovering Atlantis.]

D handed the physician a large book from the girl's duffle bag.

[Where’d the duffel bag come from? Kale was drowning and unconscious, but she still managed to hang on to her luggage?

You spelled duffel right. You’re smarter than the author.

And?]

The doctor quickly looked through the pages. "I don't recognize this, do you?" D shook his head, not being able to voice the lie he had to tell. The old Earth dialect had not been used in close to 7,500 years.

[And yet everyone still speaks English. Wait, maybe this explains why the grammar sucks; 7500 years from now, it’ll be correct!]

Much of the old language was still around but no one could read it any more. He could, but he could not say that, for fear of someone figuring out what he was.

[He has pointy ears and teeth, and no one can recognize what he is?

Maybe they just don’t like literate people.]

The doctor stopped flipping the pages, to a section that showed both the male and female forms.

[D: Whoops, wrong book, I, uh, the sex ed. book is hers, not mine…really.

Doctor: I hate books like these. I always get the pages stuck together.

They were tied, or secured, by their ankles to a mechanical base,

Kinky!]

and had hundreds of wires leading from the base to various parts of the body.

[Doctor: (closing book and looking at spine) Who the hell is ‘Marquis de Sade?’

Doctor: And what the hell is ‘The Matrix?’
D: There is no spoon.]

There were tubes

[Tubes, tentacles, whatever you want to call them…]

leading from their genitals, obviously to remove the body's waste,

[No, that’s not really obvious. I would have guessed soind ind of kinky sex thing. Do the tubes vibrate?]

as well as other tubes leading down their noses and mouths, to lungs and stomach.

The doctor rose and opened the room door, calling for the tavern girl.

[Doctor: Is this kinky, or just gross? I need a second opinion!]

She appeared immediately, not having gone far from a fellow woman who may have been in trouble. "I want you to go down stairs and get a bottle of strong liquor. I'll also need some clean clothes."

[D: Shouldn’t she be awake for that? And you probably want to wait for her fever to go down, too.

Doctor: Let’s just get this over with so I can go back to the brothel.]

"Yes sir."

"What is it?" asked D, as the healer rolled up the girl's sleeve.

[Doctors aren’t healers… Laying on hands doesn’t work… Quit touching her there!]

"What it looks like, in this diagram, is that she had wires in her skin. See here." He showed D the hundreds of tiny red marks on her arm.

[Needle tracks… D, just what kind of girl are you hanging out with these days?]

"These are all over her. We need to clean them, make sure there's no infection inm." m."

Realizing this meant disrobing the girl,

[To clean her ARM? Sounds like a cheap excuse to me.]

he stepped back. "I can't...she...I don't know her."

[And this matters, why?]

"That's alright. Shelly has helped me a lot with my female patients. I'll get her to assist." D nodded. The door then opened and closed, as Shelly returned carrying not one, but two bottles of liquor and a pile of fresh towels.

[Shelly: Toga Party!]

Assuming the doctor needed her, she went to the opposite side of the bed and followed the doctor's instructions.

[Doc hasn’t said anything… Maybe sign language?]

D turned and looked out the window, giving the girl her privacy,

[Actually, he was looking at her boobs in the reflection on the windowpane.]

but still being near by for her security.

[In case the doctor or tavern girl wanted to do something to her?]

Some time later, Shelly tapped his shoulder, saying she was redressed and covered.

[Covered with WHAT?

D: Thank you for putting on a shirt, but what about Kale?]

The doctor readied a needle with serum to fight diseases, that often killed people now a days, and while D held her still, the doctor administered the shot.

[This is, the worst, use of commas, that I, have ever, seen.]

If D had not been holding her she would have run off the bed, tearing the needle through her flesh, and probably striking the doctor as well. All she could do was scream, and beg for them to stop.

[Are they raping her or giving her a shot?

Despite the fact that Kale is still fast asleep.]

The doctor removed the emptied needle, giving the area one final wipe clean, and placed the syringe in a special case, to be sterilized and used again later.

[Which is dumb of a doctor, because you don’t use syringes more than once.]

"She'll fall asleep soon." He said.

[Who’s he? D or the doctor? Since Kale is already asleep, I’m going to assume that whoever ‘he’ is, is talking about Shelly, but why would anyone care if Shelly will soon fall asleep?]

"Try and get some food into her."

[No! Into her MOUTH! Stop that now, that’s disgusting.]

She suddenly started to heave.

[What the hell… Is she giving birth?]

The doctor quickly emptied the water basin out the window,

[Meanwhile, under the window, a black-haired boy was now suddenly a red-haired girl.]

a common practice,

[In the 1300’s…]

and brought it to the side of the bed just as D rolled her over.

She threw up into the basin, noxious cream-colored bile.

[Kale has yet to wake up, so Shelly just thrp, wp, why? Is she thinking about the fact that D and a Mary sue might have sex?

Bile is BROWN.

I’ve thrown up green when I had my appendix out, but never cream-colored.]

Then she stopped and returned to sleep.

[Oh, Kale IS awake. Why wasn’t this mentioned?

Because sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference.]

D wiped her face as he laid her down. "This is probably why she's sick," said the doctor, covering the expelled fluid with a towel. "I'll take it and examine it. She may need some antibiotics."

"Take this too." D handed him a small vile.

[Vile is not a noun. Vile means evil or disgusting. VIAL means a small bottle.

Why does he have a vial, or vile, with him in the first place? And when did he suddenly become a forensics expert?]

This is a small amount of the fluid she was submerged in.

[When was D taking samples? He pulled her out of the water, he carried her out of there, the place fell down. Not much time left over for scientific study.]

There may be something there."

"Thanks, this will help." He put the vile in his bag and left, taking Shelly with him.

[The Vile Sue! New, Compact, Folding! Fits in your bag! Attracts Nymphomaniac Nurses!]

It was a cool breeze that brushed her face, the sweet smell of rain on the wind.

[And worms on the sidewalk]

She opened her eyes to see the window across the room open. A dark blurred figure went to the window and sit sit shut. She watched the figure turn and enter the small anteroom. She could hear thumping on the wall opposite the newly closed window, a woman's moans of pleasure reached through the boards foll by by a man's grunts and moans of exertion.

[Apparently, the guy had to work at it, while she enjoyed it. That doesn’t seem very fair to me…]

The dark figure was next to her then, putting a bowl of water on the nightstand. "Did they wake you?" he asked, wiping her face the the cold cloth.

"No," she whispered. "Where are we?"

"An Inn, coastal town. I don't know the name of it." He let her sit up

"You're not going to try and run again are you?"

"No." She drew up her knees and pressed her forehead to their sturdy surface beneath the blankets, hugging her arms around her legs.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

[I feel pretty…Oh so pretty…]

"Peachy," she said, "just peachy." He dropped the cloth into the basin and picked up her duffle bag from the floor.

"If you're up to having something to eat, you'll need to put some more clothes on. What you're wearing has an insulating quality although it's a bit translucent." She looked up to him, as he respectfully averted his gaze

[He does this NOW? What about when you were staring at her breasts?]

when she dropped her knees.

[I hope she picked them up afterward.]

"Thanks." She went through the bag and pulled out a pair of blue jeans and an oversized black t-shirt.

"I hope you won't think me forward,

[Kale: No, I think of as as quite backward.]

but I measured your feet while you slept, and I bought you a pair of boots.

[Kale: Oooo…kay. That’s, um, weird.

D: But you have such beautiful feet, so dainty and well-shaped, with such lovely little toes… Kale: Meep! ]

Though there wasn't anything practical in the storeroom that would fit you. They're next to the bed."
She swung her legs off the bed and examined the boots. They were rather a plain design, but practical.

[There wasn’t anything practical…but the boots were praal?]al?]

Made of black leather rising all the way to her knees. The sole was thick stitched leather that flexed easily as she stood.

[In other words: boots.
In other words: this first one is not a sentence.]

"They fit fine, thank you. That was very kind."

[If you ever touch my feet again, I will fucking kill you, you sick pervert.]

She slowly strode past him, still slightly off balance. He let her go. Best to let her stumble and fall in private than in front of strangers.
After a few paces around their small room, he opened the door. "Ready."

Hugging her arms to herself she followed him into the hall. There were people in the corridor waiting for free rooms without numbers.
Each man fondling the woman they had with them, many of the men also fondling themselves.

[And, are the men fondling their own genitals, or each others? Group sex!

Silly me, and I was thinking the whole point of a brothel was that you could pay someone else to fondle you. Sitting there fondling yourself is like going to a hairdresser, picking up scissors, and trimming your own bangs.]

D steadied the girl with a reassuring hand on her shoulder and they proceeded through the crowd of gropers.

[Isn’t that a kind of fish? Oh, “grouper,” sorry.]

One man reached out and grabbed Kale's arm, pulling her to his lap.

[Mistaking her for a soft and cuddly kitten.]

"You're a pretty one. Hope he didn't wear you out." He sneered, trying to plant a liquor-laden kiss to her cheek. Her arms pinned in his grasp, all she could do was cry out. The man suddenly released her, a pul pulled her to his side, letting his cloak fall around her.

[D: There, out of sight, out of mind. Hey, leave my pockets alone, Kale.]

He'd drawn one of his long daggers and held it to the man's throat.

"Hear this and remember she's with me." The man nodded. D turned to face the other men, they all nodded, and returned their attentions to the women they had already with them. D sheathed his blade and continued on his way, the girl tucked safely beneath his cloak. She left his side to descend the stairs, and then followed him to a table at the back of the room. As they settled themselves the tavern woman, Shelly, stepped up. "It's good to see you up and around," she said to the girl. "I was a bit worried. You still look a little pale,

[Kale…bannana fanna fofanna pi pie po pale, Kale!]

you should try and get some sun."

"I'll have a rare steak with the usual dinner plate. Kale?"

"Nothing heavy please," she said.

[Good then, you can have the author’s talent. Be sure and hold onto it so it doesn’t blow away in the wind, it’s not real substantial.]

"I have a pot of chicken soup on," Shelly offered. "It's said to cure all sorts of ails."

[Kale: I want to cure me, not an ail.]

"Yes, thank you"

"Tea?" she offered. Kale and D both nodded and the woman was off to the kitchen.

[Oddly enough, Shelly never wrote anything down on her notepad.]

They sat quietly waiting for their food. Kale looking around the room trying to make sense of the blurred images she saw. D watching her.

[“D watching her” is a noun phrase, therefore this sentence has NO VERB! If these keep up, I’ll have to use the rats. You don’t like the rats, miss author, do you? You don’t want the rats.]

She had a slender look about her, most likely from losing weight during her sleep, her body using up its fat reserves.

[FOR 7,500 YEARS? God, she must weigh about 3 pounds by now, assuming that she managed to eat a pound of food.]

She had a roundish face with modest cheekbones and straight slender nose. She had tired looking green eyes, almost the color of jade. She would stand just over 5 feet tall with a slender figure, full breasts,

As opposed to empty breasts?

If she used up her fat reserves, she wouldn’t have any breasts.

and hair that flowed down past her shoulder blades.

He raised his left hand to swat a fly from his face, and heard his symbiot snicker quietly, "She is a looker isn't she?"

[Kale: I’m blind, not deaf you two…one…one and a half.

D (Austin Powers voice): Actually, make that two and a half, baby… *drops pants* *thud*]

He clenched his hand tight, closing the thing's lips tightly together.

[Must… resist… snicker…]

Satisfied it got his message he released his had to accept the meal Shelly brought to him.

"Enjoy," she said, setting the pot of tea, milk and sugar in the middle of the table.

[Sweet-milky-tea-licious]

D gave her a few coins and began first on the steak.

[What steak? There’s only TEA.]

The meat was hot, but not totally cooked. The blood ran from the cuts he made mingling with the potatoes and vegetables.

[D mingles with potatoes and vegetables? What do they do, make fun of tomatoes? Watch “VeggieTales” for the nude scenes?]

It wasn't fresh, but blood was blood, and he ate it all the same, a small glimmer of pleasure from the salty taste it left in his mouth.

[Pleasure from the salty taste in his mouth…*snicker*

D: Mmm…E-coli-lis]
s]

"It isn't good for you to eat it that raw," Kale said.

[Rare isn’t the same as raw.

Rare doesn’t mean it’s bloody either. D must have bitten his tongue]

"Eat your soup," he said, and soaked up more of the blood with his bread roll. After a few spoonfuls of the soup she turned to him again. "What will happen to me now?"

[D: Well, if you kiss me, you’ll turn into a beautiful frog.]

"That's up to you," he said, taking another bite of meat.

[The steak or one of the patrons?]

He swallowed and continued. "I live across the sea.

[You mean you’re dead here?]

In a couple days a ship will arrive heading that way. I'll be on it. You can either stay here, or come with me.

[Out of context, that’s funny.]

I can teach you how to survive in this world, then when you feel you're ready, you can go your own way."

[…Grasshopper.]

She looked around the room. Still seeing blurred figures.

[I think she needs some contact lenses.

She also needs a personality. And a bra, considering those ‘full breasts’ of hers. Then again, D might enjoy the ‘bouncy bouncy bouncy’ aspect and pretend to forget to buy her one.

Bouncy bouncy bouncy! *jumps up and down* *watches B-cup breasts barely jiggle* *cries*]

Suddenly their table was knocked aside, sending their food to the floor, a man landing between them. Another appeared and dragged him away, continuing their fight. D grabbed the girl and moved quickly to the bar. "You want to stay here?" he asked her, feeling her tremble in his grasp. She shook her head.
"Are you all right?" asked Shelly.

"We're fine. But replacement meals are required. This time, we'll take them in our room."

[They’re eating people again.

Kinky!]

D then pulled the girl with him up the stairs

[THUNKA-THUNKA-THUNKA…]

and back down the hall.

[SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEK.]

Many of the men and women, still waiting, watched them go.

[Ewww! Not in public!]

He sat her on the bed examining her to make sure she wasn't hurt. "You're alright. No marks."

[D: You’ll fetch a good price on the slave block.
Kale: *Whimper*

Kale: Unlike you, who drew all over your face?
Hand: Hee hee…]

"What happened?" she asked still shaken, the noises of the couple in the next room getting louder.

[Unbeknownst to them, it wasn’t just a couple, but an orgy involving oil, rope, satin sheets, and most of a professional football team.

And a goat.]

D pounded on the wall,

[With?]

and the noise stopped. "Bar fight."

[Kale: Riiiight. Next you’re going to tell me that that rhythmic pounding noise upstairs is someone “moving furniture.”]

He said. "You alright, you seem a little distant."

[Kale: I’m sorry, I was just imagining the people next door.]

"I don't have my glasses. I couldn't find them in the bag." D picked up the bag and emptied its contents onto the bed. Removing the clothes they were left with jewelry and other women's affects.

[‘Affect’ is a verb. How can he sort through verbs?

Given all the verbs missing in this story, I’d say they need some sorting.]

"If they're here, they'd be in a blue plastic case with Vogue written in gold paint on the cover."

[How does she know he can read English?]

He found the case and handed it to her. She opened the case, took out a small pair of silver framed glasses and put them on.

Finally she could see clearly. Though the small room was really nothing to admire.

[Yeah, like the customers of that ‘inn’ were there to admire the décor.]

"Thanks," she said, seeing him standing at the window. "How long have we been here?"

D didn't turn, but took his hat off and carefully removed bits of food that clung to it from the fight. "Almost two months." He turned then and hung his hat on the bedpost. "I don't usually stay this long in one place, but..."

[TWO MONTHS! When did that happen? *scrolls up* That’s not even possible! It isn’t even bedtime yet!

D: Or two days, I really need a calendar.]

"I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"For being a burden. Most people would just dump me at a hospital and not look back."
He sat down across from her, pushing the rest of her bag's contents aside. "There is much you need to know," he said. "There are no more hospitals. All of what you knew ine."ne."

[Well, clothes are still here, and so is the English language…oh, and sex, sex is definitely still here. See, it’s not that bad.]

"Then why did you...Oh..."

[Kale: I’m a lesbian
D: Oh…Wow! * Stares blankly*
Kale: *waving a hand in front of D’s face* Hello? Hello? Men…

Why do guys get turned on by lesbians? I mean, they’re deliberately picking the demographic that’s least likely to date them. Isn’t that, um, stupid?]

"No, listen to me. You are safe with me. I wouldn't have left you here, even if there was a ship to set sail the day I rode into tow
[
[D: Because you have my horse keys. And I’m not going to hot-wire my horse, that lowers the resale value.]

He looked through the items on the bed, trying not to frighten her further.

[She’s on the bed. She never got up since he set her down. I don’t think she likes being an “item.”

She’s a Mary Sue.]

"You need someone to help you right now, not use you.

[I’m going to do both.]

You must have been very important to your people to be preserved the way you were."

[In pickle juice.]

"Is that what you think? I'm nobody! I worked in a grocery store!! They just pulled up and grabbed me!!"

"Easy.

[Easy? What was easy? No one is doing anything! Is he thinking out loud that SHE’S easy? I would agree with that.]

For whatever reason they did it, you're here now.

[D: Well, obviously, because if you weren’t here you’d be somewhere else and I wouldn’t be talking to you. Damn, I’m not really good at this ‘conversation’ thing, am I?]

I'll help you as best I can." He looked up at a knock on the door.

[D: What the hell is a knock doing on the door?]

He flipped the covers over her belongings, went and opened the door.

[He flipped the covers over them because there wasn’t time to flush the drugs down the toilet.]

Shelly stepped in and put a large tray down on the table on the opposite wall from the bed and left.

[And the food slid off and landed on the flooD anD and Kale just sat there wondering why there was a table on the wall, and how the trays stayed on it.

Behold the power of Superglue.]

"Come on, we can finish our supper."

[Our LAST SUPPER! BWAHAHA!]

"I'm not hungry any more. You go ahead."

"Kale. You need food. Come on."

[D: Admit you have an anorexia problem!
Kale: I do not! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to throw up again!]

Reluctantly she went to the table and ate more of her soup.

[More of her soup? This is new soup. She can’t possibly have more… or is that can’t possibly have less?]

"We can't carry all that stuff with us," he said after a time. "Pick out the clothes that fit, and whatever small items you want to keep. We'll sell the rest. I have enough money to pay the inn keeper and my fare back across the sea, but we'll need more for you."

[Why is everything so damn expensive? And why can’t he just claim her as luggage?

She’s too big to be a carry-on.

And where the hell did all his millions go?

Inflation. And buying too many hats on E-Bay.]

"I understand."

"Kale, I'm not trying to be mean."

"I know, D. I understand, really I do."

He nodded and they finished the rest of their meals in peace. Now that she had her glasses, she could better appreciate her unlikely savior's handsome appearance. His hair was long and auburn, a dark contrast to her own brown locks.

[Brown Vs. Brown isn’t much of a contrast.]

He had a slim oval face with strong chiseled features, a straight nose and modest c bon bones. His eyes were blue, a lighter shade than the sky, and reflected a kind of sadness that she suspected ran very deep.

[Or maybe his food tasted like dogfood. Brothels aren’t really known for cooking.]

His shoulders were broad and strong;

[Otherwise they would be broad but have fallen off because they were so weak.]

from under his cloak she could see strong muscles carve his chest,

[Aww, they carved a puppy on it, that’s so cute, the blood looks just like fur!]

his shirt clinging tightly to his torso attesting to that fact.

[She can’t see his shirt. His cape is covering it.]

Of what cou could see of his arms,

[Because he had suddenly turned into the Venus de Milo]

they too were strong, and his hands broad and strong from what she could feel when he'd grabbed her before.

[And you know what they say about a man with big hands

What was she feeling when he grabbed her?]

His legs were long and well muscled, and she wondered what he did to become so buff.

[Isn’t buff a color? Is D suddenly beige? Did he forget to shower?

Maybe he’s shiny. Oh, maybe he’s IN the buff. That means he’s only wearing a cape and hat. But then, where’d he put all of his money? I don’t think I want to think about that one.]

"Something the matter?" he asked, swallowing the last bite of his food.

"No. I just couldn't really see you before."

[D: Well that’s no reason to keep staring at my crotch!]

"Why didn't you say anything about needing glasses?"

[Kale: I’m an idiot.

Kale: Honestly, you look better when you’re out of focus.]

"I don't know. I guess...I guess I was scared."

[Kale: Glasses are SCARY!]

He nodded. Someone, who was less scrupulous than he, would exploit a weakness like that.

[How? Giving her the wrong directions?

D: Why, yes, I am your long lost husband. Honest.]

"Is there a tub in there?" she asked, pointing to the lav.


"Yes."

"I'd love a bath. Do you mind?"

[D: As long as you leave the door open]

"No, but hot water costs here. The inn keeper is very greedy."

She went to the bed and sifted through the mass of jewels. She picked out a large ruby ring with diamonds in a gold setting. "Here," she said, handing the ring to him. "It isn't mine, well you know, but see if he'll take this."

[‘Inn’ Keeper: Do I LOOK like a pawn shop dealer to you? And SHE needs glasses.

She took the entire contents of the ark in a little duffel bag?

Not just ANY duffel bag… It’s HER purse.]

They turned to the sounds from the next room. She blushed brightly. "And see if he'll shut down that room. That noise is embarrassing."

[You’re in a fucking brothel! go sgo somewhere else!]

"I'll see what I can do," he said. He took the jewel and the tray and left the room, locking it as he went.

[Keep it locked!]

The water was hot. Not burning hot,

[Since water DOESN’T burn.

Water scalds, but does not burn, being water.

Where’d the water come from?]

but nice all the same. Not only had the innkeeper given them enough hot water for two baths, but he also gave them a dozen fresh towels, and he closed the brothel room next to them.

[He had to carry the water up? They have a meter for each room?]

She was relaxed; a bath always helper wir with that.

[As did twenty Vms.]ms.]

She lay in the water up to her chin thinking.

[Usually people think with their brains, she has a very odd chin.]

Trying to remember what had happened after she was grabbed from work. But the more she tried the more frustrated she got, so she gave up trying. If she remembered, she'd remember.

[Duh.]

In the main room, D put her belongings in the bag, made the bed and dumped out the bag again.

[WHY? There’s a TABLE and the FLOOR to sort stuff on too.]

He separated the items into different piles. Rings, earrings, necklaces, bracelets, make up & toiletries, and a pile for everything else.

[Stuff he’d put on while no one was looking, and other things.

Rings, earrings, necklaces, and bracelets are normally called JEWELERY.]

The clothes Kale took with her to try on in the lav after her bath.

[That sentence needs a verb]

Among all the chains,

[And now we’re back to kinky things]

D could only find one crucifix. He carefully untangled it from the others and laid it on the nightstand.

[D: I always hated those things.]

Kale immerged from the lav, her hair wrapped in one of the towels and clothed in the white body suite

[Her hair was dressed in a towel and a room? What?]

and a blue t-shirt that extended past her hips. She put a stack of clothes on the table and stuffed another stack into her duffle bag. "Too big or too small." She said.

[D: What?
Kale: I was talking about the clothes.
D: Oh, I knew that.]

"This is the rest. I put your glasses case in your bag. Here, put this on." He handed her the cross.

"I'm not religious." She said.

"It's got nothing to do with religion. Please trust me and wear it. And don't hide it, always have it showing."

"Why?"

[D: So the Jehovah’s witnesses will leave you alone]


"I'll explain later. Have a look through all this. What you don't want we'll sell." She went through each pile and picked out what she wanted. A gold ring with silver setting and five tiny diamonds, her grandmother's he learned. She had a chain, so there was nothing more she wanted from there. She chose a couple small pairs of stud earrings and left the bracelets alone. She then went through the miscellaneous pile, pulling out a small device with headphones, and some thin cases the size of her hand. "What are those?" he asked.

[Kale: Vibrators, and this isn’t a pair of headphones. Here, I’ll show you how it’s used.]

"My music. When I get depressed, I like to sing. It cheers me up." He nodded. "I had bought a pack of 36 batteries the night they grabbed me.

[And they survived 7500 years of storage and immersion in slime?]

There they are. I just hope they survived.

theythey’re there, isn’t it obvious they survived?]

I don't think you have AA batteries any more."

"No I don't think so."

[The cyborg horses only run on D cells.]

She pulled a few things from the toiletries pile and put it all in her duffle bag.

[ALWAYS steal the toiletries when in a hotel.]

"There. The rest I don't need."

D stuffed the remains

[Of the previous Mary Sue]

into one of his saddlebags and set it under the table.

"We'll go out tomorrow. The rain should stop then.

[D: *starts singing* The sun’ll come out tomorrow…]

"You might as well get a bath too. There's plenty of water."

[Not that it’s clean]

"I was thinking I might."

[Don’t go in the shower! He’ll stab you!]