Somewhere I belong
Prologue
Title: "Somewhere I belong - Prologue"
Author: J.J.
Warning: It's an AU... it contains not too descriptive rape, probably some OOC, use of Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom),
a bit of sappiness, some spoilers...
To the 2, 3 people who are reading this fic and want more... work keeps me quite busy. I
almost never know if I've time to write or when I've time to write. Please be patient. I've
almost everything planned out. I just need time to write it.
Notes: I've been inspired by what Hisoka thought in Vol. 3: 'No one... saved me...
But maybe Tsuzuki... If you had been there... you would save me...'.
Warning over notes: This fic is filled with notes. You will find them at the bottom.
Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the
word/sentence that preceded it. Many of them explain references to other series, to YnM
manga only or YnM anime only facts for who didn't get to read the manga or see the anime,
explain apparently illogical things or warn you there's an explanation for illogical facts
but that you'll get it later. However I suggest you to read the notes _AFTER_
you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome
for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes.
Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more or search for spoilers.
Disclaimer:
"Yami no Matsuei" belong to Matsushita Yoko. I'm merely using her characters because
I love them... expecially Touda, Tsuzuki and Hisoka...
Ehy, do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely
break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?
Thanks: To Larania Drake for betaing this! Thank you a lot!
Summary: 1993. Kamakura. A certain silver haired psycho was feeding himself with a
poor woman's energy when the Kurosaki's heir spotted him. He had a plan for the boy but
someone else was there and decided to interfere...
Kamakura, Sakura Groove - 1993
He didn't mean to get in trouble. He didn't mean for this to happen. He only... wanted to
enjoy some fresh air... wanted to escape to the pounding pain of theer per people's
feeling... to all that 'hate/loathing/fear/disgust/anger/pain/shame'...
He had started walking, allowing his feet to drag him away, away from everything. He didn't
mean to end in the sakura groove. He didn't mean to witness that woman's murder. He didn't
mean to let himself be caught by the killer. He was simply so scared. He tried to escape but
his legs just weren't working and he kept tripping and... and _THE MAN_ jumped
on him... and _HE_ was so heavy he couldn't stop him from dragging him to the
ground... he couldn't stop _HIM_ from stripping him from his
yukata(1)... he screamed, he screamed for help, he screamed for mercy, he
screamed for the pain but nothing would work, nothing could work and it was pinned, and he
was restrained and no one would come to help and _THE MAN_ with weird eyes and
white hair(2)... _HE_... _HE_ was... to him...
_HE_...
Then there were more tears and more screams and more pain and more shame and
_HE_ never seemed to stop torturing him, never wanted to stop, took pleasure
in his pain, forced him to feel those emotions of _HIS_, and it disgusted him
and scared him and hurt him as he was swallowed in their darkness unable to divide his own
feeling by the of of _THE MAN_ and then _HE_ was out of him
and the pain seemed to fade a little but _HE HADN'T_ finished,
_HE_ never wanted to finish this and _HE_ did that
'thing' to his body, that 'thing'(3) with _HIS_ mouth
and _HIS_ hand that made him wish to vomit and yet forced him to feel a
pleasure that was his own even through all his pain and he sobbed more and he cried more but
he just... was spent, wasn't there anymore... his soul and his strength gone to curl up
somewhere deep in the back of his mind leaving him there, bared, exposed, shamed, dirtied,
defenceless and humiliated... and it wasn't the end it was never the end as
_HE_ picked up his knife and smirked down at him in anticipation as
_HE_ licked it and...
"It could be fine to kill you here but such an inelegant manner of death wouldn't suit
one as lovely as yourself no? Those dear to me are those who I wish to cruelly crush
underfoot. I won't kill you in one breath. A long, drawn-out death... You will always feel
me within your body..."(4)
... and he found the strength to scream again as the knife cut his skin and
_HE_ smirked more and started spreading his blood on his skin, drawing,
writing with it(5) and _HE_ was murmuring weird things he could not
understand but it hurt, oh Kami it hurt and... and he screamed as the contact was broken and
_THE MAN_ was pushed away from him and he heard weird sounds and voices and
screaming and hanger and intense warmness but it was all like it was so distant, dull and he
wasn't there and he couldn't be there and this all couldn't have been happened to him and it
was all a nightmare, it had to be a nightmare but if it was a nightmare why the tears didn't
stop, why the pain didn't stop? Then all of sudden someone was close to him and he wanted to
curl up and he wanted to cry and he wanted to sm anm and he wanted to struggle and he wanted
to become so small he couldn't be seen and yet he could do nothing of that and... and
concern and kindness and worry floured through him like a balsam, like a warm cover and he
looked up and the ice blue weird eyes were gone, replaced by gentle amethyst eyes
(amethyst?) and their owner(6) closed his torn yukata and removed his coat and
wrapped him in it also and he picked him up oh so carefully and so wary of his injuries that
he caused more tears to fall but this time they were completely different tears and he was
grateful for them, he was grateful for the kindness he was receiving for the first time in
the 13 years of his life and he was grateful for the help and he somehow recovered a tiny
bit of his strength and he clutched to him, to his white shirt, never planning to let go,
allowing the soft words of reassurance the man was speaking to him to comfort him, allowing
him to do everything, _EVERYTHING_, even shame him again, as long as he didn't
leave him alone, as long as he kept comforting him, as long as he kept bathing him in his
kindness and he didn't realized as exhaustion and stress and pain took him over and he
started to fade into unconsciousness and he didn't realize the man who saved him talked to
another(7) and he didn't realize their were carrying him back home(8),
he didn't realize a thing except finally it seemed he found a place he belonged.
JJ's Notes:
someone can prove me wrong please let me know.
Matsushita-san, in all the Muraki coloured pics, showed us only his good eye, leaving the
other hidden behind Muraki's hair). In the anime I had the impression his artificial eye was
a clear blue and so in this fic Muraki has mismatched eyes and that's why Hisoka considered
his eyes weird. As for him calling his hair white... in the dim light he couldn't see its
colour clearly.
I'm assuming what happened in Hisoka's dream is exactly what Muraki did to him.
one as lovely as yourself no? Those dear to me are those who I wish to cruelly crush
underfoot. I won't kill you in one breath. A long, drawn-out death... You will always feel
me within your body...' is, more or less, what Muraki said in Vol. 1 about how he killed
Hisoka.
just wrote it on him... as for me he wrote it on him with blood. And no, in this fic he
didn't manage to finish the work.
^_-
to the place.
JJ's Extra Notes:
I know, it's a bit confusing but I wanted it to be done from Hisoka's point of view as much
as it was possible and I guess his emotions were a tangled mess in that moment... As much as
I think Hisoka perceived Muraki's emotions I think the feeling of his own feelings was
powerful as well... That's why the poor boy isn't enjoying this much. I also don't think
Hisoka knew a great deal about what Muraki was doing to him... I can't picture him getting
lessons about what sex is while he was at the Kurosaki's house... or getting books about
it... At best he had a basic knowledge and empathic 'experiences'... but that's just my
personal opinion...
Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!
Send me your comments!