Far away - too close | By : RavenTears Category: Hellsing > General Views: 1696 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Well, the usual thing: it was my first try to
write something like that, so please be nice blablabla....
A huge thanks to DreadNot who betaed and edited
this fic.
Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing and/or the related characters, I don't make money,
don't sue me.
Far away – too close
How did it come so
far ? A few moments ago we were still sitting in front of the
fireplace. I was looking at his marked profile against the flickering
light of the fire, simply watched him while he was staring into the
embers absentmindedly. He didn't even notice. I wonder what –
or whom – he was thinking about.
Which devil was riding me
when I put the newspaper (which I only pretended to read) aside,
stepped by his side and placed my hand on his shoulder?
“Captain
Bernadotte? I would like to hear your opinion about some experimental
firearms. Do you have a moment of time?”
Now
he's lying before me on the low table, breathing heavy, sweat
glistening on his forehead. Obviously, I'm still a serious opponent,
despite my age... From the corner of my eye I see his furtive try to
free his right hand. Of course, I expected something like that. To be
honest, I would have been disappointed if he behaved totally
passively... Smiling, I tighten the wires a bit more. “Calm
down, my boy. You're only causing yourself pain.” He glares at
me, but is reasonable enough not to pull at his bonds.
“Maudit...
Perverted old creep !”
“O, don't.” With a quick
movement I pull the stiletto, which I always carry with me as a
memory of the old times, from its sheath on my forearm. A part of me
is terrified of what I'm doing here. The other part... Well, I guess
I spent too much time with Alucard.
“Goddamn son of a bitch
!”
“Shhhh.” I place the blade on his lips –
it goes without saying that I'm acting with the required caution.
“Shut up. Or do I have to gag you ?” His good eye
narrows; if he could, he would probably attack me. I have to admit
that I like the thought of it. I almost hope that he loses his
head... but instead of cursing and insulting me, he only gnashes his
teeth. Regrettable. “Well done. Good boy.”
Methodically I start
to cut his clothing off his body. From time to time, I tighten the
wires, only fractions of millimeters. After all, I don't want to hurt
him seriously...
Finally
he is naked, and I take a moment to admire his body. More sinewy that
muscular, but not too lean. Proportioned perfectly. Tiny sweat drops
are glittering on his pale skin; his breathing is ragged as if he had
just completed a marathon. How beautiful he is! During our fight, his
braid has untied, and now his fair hair is spread out around him like
the wings of an angel. An one-eyed angel who proudly carries his
scars, the traces of his fights. So many scars...
Carelessly,
I put the stiletto aside. My senses are filled with Pip – I
want to smell him, feel him, taste him... No. Everything in due
course of time. With my fingertips, I stroke over his chest.
Through the fabric of my gloves I feel the warmth of his body and his
nearly imperceptible trembling. “Do you know how beautiful you
are?”
He bursts out laughing, but without a trace of humor.
“That's nonsense, old man.”
Shaking my head, I hit
him right and left in the face. Hard. “I'm fed up with your
irreverence, you know. It's time to teach you a lesson, my boy.”
Before he can reply, I force him to open his mouth and gag him with
some pieces of his own t-shirt.
For a few seconds he fights the
urge to choke, close to panic. “Don't fight it.”
Soothingly I stroke his throat, well knowing that I send him on a
tightrope walk over the abyss of his worst memories and deepest
fears. “Try to relax.” The pale green eye dilates as I
let my hand wander over his upper body again. Only with the tip of my
index finger, I follow the trace of a large, ragged scar from the
collarbone over the left pectoral muscle. Playfully, I circle the
nipple before I pinch it hard. Pip winces and tries to stifle a moan;
the wire tears little cuts into his skin.
“Calm.” I
raise my hand again. His whole body tenses in expectation of another
blow, but I just caress his face. Hesitating, he snuggles his cheek
into my hand – I can feel his cramped jaw muscles. Are you
afraid?
“Are you in pain?” The little injuries
must burn unbearably. Barely visible, he shakes his head. It makes me
smile in amusement and affection. A fighter until the end, even
now, when you're lying before me naked and defenseless. No, I
don't want to break him. I don't want him to kneel before me, call me
“Master” and kiss my feet. I'm attracted by him for the
very reason of his bragging, flippant manner. In his age, I was like
that too, after all... Nevertheless, I have to do it. For his own
sake, he has to submit.
And
so I strengthen my grip, force Pip to look me in the eye. “Listen
to me. It's in your own interest to do exactly what you are told.
Whatever I will do, you are to keep still. You won't move a muscle.
If you should do so... Well, I guess you already found out that the
monofilament wire can cause very unpleasant injuries. Only you are
responsible for the consequences of a possible disobedience. If you
obey, nothing will happen to you. Do you understand?” Slowly,
he nods. “Very well. Then...” The item on the sideboard
catches my eye, and I interrupt myself. It seems I'm getting old –
I nearly forgot the most important thing. “O, Pip...”
“Hmmmph?”
“Before I forget it: I don't want
to hear a single sound from you.” Even my fearless mercenary
captain has got his limits... actually, his green gaze flickers for a
moment as I show the riding-whip to him. How I would like to take him
in my arms, to calm him and – no. Not yet.
“Every
violation of the rule will be punished without delay. The consequence
will be a blow that I will place at my free discretion.”
Demonstrating, I touch the insides of his thighs with the whip. Pip
shudders, but not so violently that the wire hurts him. Clever
boy. “Pardon,” I continue in a friendly tone, “won't
be granted.” There's a flash of horror and fear on his face. Is
it the memory of Uganda, my beautiful? Is it that what makes you
shiver?
“I
think we should start now.” Carefully I place the riding-whip
within my reach and start my “attack”. How I love to
follow the outlines of his face with my fingers!
I lean over him,
enjoy the warmth of his breath on my skin, the flutter of his
eyelashes on my cheek. It's a pity I had to gag him – I would
really like to kiss him right now. But I can't show inconsistency on
any account, and so leave the gag in its place. Additionally, I
blindfold Pip. Step by step deeper into your darkness.
Tenderly,
I nibble at his neck, kiss the sweat from his skin. He swallows hard
and tries to avoid me. Such a fear of nearness...
I follow
the lines of his muscles further down, licking his wounds clean and
enjoying the salty-coppery taste of his blood. Perhaps you become a
vampire yourself – at least a little bit – if you deal
with them for decades, as I did? An interesting question, no doubt. I
will think about it later. For now, my priorities refer to a totally
different matter.
I let my hands rest on Pip's chest for a moment,
feel the rhythm of his breath, gently rub the strong muscles. His
skin feels hot as I kiss every single scar on his upper body and
trace them with my tongue. Pip exhales with a hissing sound; he has
got goose pimples on his whole body now. He suppresses a moan as I
take his right nipple into my mouth and start to suck it. Shall I
take this as a violation of the rule? His forearms are bleeding –
he must have tried to free himself again. “Stupid little
bastard”, I murmur affectionately. “You're hurting
yourself.” Then I bite down, not so hard to let the blood flow,
but firm enough to make Pip cry out softly. I click my tongue
regretfully, take the whip and harshly beat down onto his belly.
Again, he suppresses a cry and tries to rear until the wire sets him
right. “You simply don't want to understand, do you ?” At
the next blow, I aim at the sole of his left foot. This time, he
flinches but remains silent. “You see – it can be done.”
Praising, I stroke his disheveled hair before I start licking his
wounds again. I kiss the cruel, deep red weals and caress my way from
his foot up again. I'd like to take more time, but...
In any case,
my efforts succeed – his erection is really impressive.
Almost solemnly, I
take the large candle from the sideboard. Red wax... far more
effective than white because it gets hotter. Without warning I place
some drops of the hot liquid on his chest. “Hn...!”
Another blow, this time on the sole of his right foot.
“Shhh”,
I admonish. I can nearly taste his fear in the air now. No matter how
much I would like to help him – he has to settle this fight all
on his own.
While drawing an irregular line of wax beads down to
his navel I soothingly stroke his testicles. Terrified, Pip shakes
his head as I follow the thin line of fair hair between his legs;
this reaction only encourages me at any rate. As the hot wax meets
the tip of his penis, he whimpers lowly and writhes desperately.
“Stop it !”, I yell, placing three hard blows on his
chest.
I
can't justify the wires any more. As I said before: I don't want him
to hurt himself seriously. Apart from this, I fear that I will lose
my self-control if he goes on endangering himself like that. So I
remove his bonds; he keeps lying there still. Look at that. Seems
like we nearly reached our aim.
“Turn around”, I command hoarsely. I'm
surprised to see him obey immediately. “Kneel.” Quickly,
I tie his hands with his belt. “Alright, my boy. The first part
of our little lesson is over now. Time to start phase two.”
Not
overly tender I push a hand between his buttocks and start to stretch
his sphincter with two fingers. I know that it's an unpleasant,
painful procedure, but he doesn't even try to resist any more.
He
bows his head; his hair covers his face. It nearly causes me physical
pain to see him like this. Defeated... But still I have to
drive him further, far beyond the limits of what he believes himself
able to endure.
I unzip my pants;
I'm very aroused now, and I will have to keep careful control not to
reach the climax instantly. So I concentrate on applying some
lubricant on both him and myself; this helps me to clear my thoughts
a bit... well, not very much.
Roughly, I seize the nape of his neck and
penetrate him with a hard thrust. His choked, suppressed sobbing
while I take him ruthlessly and brutally nearly breaks my heart and
encourages me at the same time. Finally he surrendered entirely. The
last wall has been broken through and he gives vent to his feelings.
After a short time I
reach the top: panting, I discharge into him. For a moment, I close
my eyes and nestle against Pip's back, still in him. He kneels under
me motionlessly. His skin seems to burn...
Minutes
later I pull away from him, this time careful not to hurt him any
more. “Turn around again”, I request softly. Again he
obeys, awkwardly and hastily. “It's alright.” Carefully I
close my pants again and free his hands. “Sit down.” He
barely manages to keep his balance while sitting on the edge of the
table. My poor boy... I'm so sorry.
Silently I kneel
down in front of him and take his penis into my mouth. He more than
deserves this intensive oral gift after I sent him through hell.
His
orgasm is only accompanied by an almost grieved moan. Lovingly I
swallow his sperm and lick him clean afterwards. There it is again,
the familiar sting of jealousy: I know very well that Pip didn't
think of me when he came. He thought of her. Well, I can't
reproach him with that. I thought of someone else, too.
Cautiously I remove
blindfold and gag. Pip looks at me timidly; his eye shines in a
nearly feverish way, and he is trembling like an aspen-leaf. “Come.”
I help him up, put a bathrobe on his shoulders and lead him to the
sofa. There, I sit down by his side and hold him in my arms until he
has tolerably calmed down.
When I want to kiss him, he avoids me.
“No.” One of his iron rules: I am only allowed to kiss
him during our “encounters”, not before and definitely
not after.
“I'm sorry.” He shakes his head parrying,
and we remain silent for a while. “Pip... I'm afraid I went a
bit too far. I am sorry if I...”
“Forget it. I'm
accustomed to being used – in every way.” He's the only
man I know who is able to sound distant and bitter at the same time.
“Pip...”
I can feel him withdraw from me and
rebuild his defenses. “Excuse me,” he says coolly, “I'd
like to sleep a few hours before the morning inspection.”
“Of
course. Good night, Captain.” He needs distance, and I have to
accept that.
He turns around one more time, already standing in
the doorway. “Thank you, Walter.” Somehow, he manages to
surprise me every time.
“No. I have to thank you.”
An emphatically meaningless shrug. “Good night.”
No
matter how indifferent he behaves and how flippant he will be
tomorrow – I know that he will come to me again. He always
does.
10.01.05
To Samhain – Happy birthday, you sick
pervert !
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