The Sakura Blooms for Me

Title: The Sakura Blooms for Me
Author: JadeHeart
Archived: Found on CLAMPesque Board. If anyone else would like it, please ask me first!
Fandom: X/1999 (anime & manga)
Rating: R
Warnings: slight inference to necrophilia, male/male relationship
Timeline: Immediately after the battle at Rainbow Bridge.
Pairing: Subaru/Seishirou
Feedback: Yes, please – if you like.

Summary: how Subaru meets the Sakura after Rainbow Bridge, and why he would become the next Sakurazukamori

Author’s Notes: I hope that people can relate to Subaru in this story and it doesn’t seem too out of character.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this, they are all CLAMP’s, nor am I making any profits from this.



I held the body in my arms, clasping it to my chest, gripping it, never letting go.

Those words. Those soft, gentle, whispered words still echoed in my ear. Those words….finally.

My tears fell, my body shaking with grief as my heart shattered once more. Shattered into shards that had already been broken before and painstakingly put back together, though they had never truly been the same after. This time… this time there would be no going back.

The body was cooling, the heat fading from the long length. The blood coated my body and clothes. My jeans, shirt, coat, everything. It covered my hand. It was hardening, drying in the wind that swirled around us.

My tears finally stopped falling. I felt empty. There was nothing any more. The one thing, the only thing, in this life that I had had left….was gone. There was nothing for me now.

I shifted the body in my arms, struggling to my feet, cradling him. It was a little awkward, he was taller than I, broader of shoulder. But still he seemed to be lighter than I had expected, as though the power that had once been there had been from the soul that had now vanished.

I looked down on the head resting against my shoulder. The eyes were closed as if in sleep, the face relaxed, seeming at peace. The lips seemed to hold the curve of a last smile, as though his last thought had been one of happiness, of pleasure. I closed my eyes and rested my cheek against the dark silky hair, inhaling his scent that was even now fading. Soon everything of him would be gone.

I stood there like that for a moment…an hour…an eon. Stood there on the span of the bridge, still intact, showing no sign of the destruction that had occurred inside the barrier field as we had fought. That had all been contained and completely wiped away once the field was gone. The only evidence of our battle was the broken body lying in my arms.

I raised my head. The Dragons of Heaven were there – Sorata, Arashi, Yuruziha. And standing higher in the sky, balancing on the tallest bridge support was Kamui, framed against the night sky, the moon behind him.

I looked up at him. He was the salvation of this world. It would be up to him now. I could feel his sorrow and grief for me. Only he could understand even a portion of what I was feeling. Only he knew enough of the truth to understand.

I said nothing, just turned and walked away.

The night’s darkness wrapped around me as I leapt through the sky. I hugged the body close to me, ignoring the aching in my arms. I pushed off another building, soaring into the air, feeling the wind whip my hair away from my face. I didn’t know where I was going, or what I was doing. I just knew that if I stopped, if I finally stopped, it would be then that I would finally lose this man I loved. And so I went on.

I smelt it then. The scent of cherry blossoms, a familiar scent that made my chest clench in pain, so much so that I was forced to bring myself finally down to earth. I landed a little heavily, the addition of other’s body mass making me lose my balance a little. I could still smell the blossoms.

I could see the blossoms a few feet from where I was standing. I tightened my grip on the body in my arms. I half hoped, prayed, that these petals would form into a familiar shape, and the body in my arms would be nothing more than an illusion. But the cold form remained, pressed tightly against my chest, and the blossoms did nothing more but move with the wind.

As I stood there an eddy of wind brought a swirl of petals closer around me. I watched them, watched them dance in the darkness. They brought back so many memories - good, bad, pleasure, pain. But every one treasured, clung to…mine.

The blossoms flicked around my body, brushing past my head. I looked down to see one petal gently settle onto his cheek, the soft pink caressing the whiteness of his flesh, those dark lashes almost brushing it.

A pain that had been inside all this time flared anew. There were no tears, would be no more tears ever, for there was nothing more here for me to cry about. I had lost everything, and after that….you can cry no longer. But there was still pain, deep inside. Would always be pain. Another swirl of blossoms. I continued to watch them, feel them brush past me, more settling over Seishirou’s cold form.

The scent grew heavier, the blossoms moved away. I followed them with my eye. I felt a….calling, a sense of being wanted, needed. I turned and moved in the direction it seemed to come from, the direction the cherry blossoms had disappeared in.

As I walked, I could sense the change in the air around me, knew I was no longer in the world of reality, but that of the ‘other’ world. I felt no fear, no real interest, no curiosity, no desire to even know where I was, or where I was going. I just walked. I could have been walking for only a few steps, or for miles. I didn’t know, I didn’t care. The only thing I cared about lay in my arms, and that was now nothing more than a husk, a shell of what I had cared about. But it was the last thing left, and I didn’t want to let it go. Not yet. I continued to walk.

Suddenly the darkness began to lighten, a soft light, white with touches of soft pink filling the air around me. It touched my face gently, like a lover’s caress, drawing me onwards. I finally saw a shadow in the distance, a shape beginning to form. I walked on.

Soon I came to the base of the tree. I wasn’t surprised. Perhaps a part of me had known that this was where I would come to. I looked up. The tree was old, its branches stretching out. Sakura blooms clung to the foliage, dropping gentle around me.

I walked closer and lay Seishirou down at the base. I placed both his hands folded on his stomach, straightened his coat around him as best I could. I knelt there at his side, looking at those features. I reached out a hand and gently trailed my fingertips across his face. How I had wanted to do that before, so many, many times. I followed the line of the cheekbone, ran a finger down the bridge of the nose, finally tracing the outline of those expressive lips, soft even in death.

I leant forward and placed a soft kiss upon those lips. I shuddered at the contact, with pleasure, with desire, and with loss. If I had any more tears left in me, they would have fallen then. For what had never been, for what never would be, for what could have been. I pressed down harder, forcing the lips apart and sliding my tongue inside for the first, and last, kiss with my love. I released his mouth and rested my forehead against his, feeling his hair brush against my face.

“Seishirou,” I whispered, calling to him softly across the expanse of death. “I love you.” I knelt back on my heels, placing my hand over his, looking down on that beautiful face.

A rustle above me drew my eyes upwards. I saw the Sakura’s branches begin to move, tendrils dropping downwards slowly, bringing a fresh wave of blossoms. The smell filled my nostrils. It was a beautiful smell, a familiar smell. The tendrils slipped under Seishirou’s body, winding lovingly around his limbs and began to lift him.

I remained kneeling, seeing his form rise, my hand still clasped over his, not letting go. He was raised higher still, gently, easily. One hand slipped from his body and fell to his side, dangling, with my fingers twined in his. I finally felt them slowly slide from my grasp, those long fingers slipping away, until our fingertips only touched, and then he was gone. I looked upwards, following his ascent as the Sakura drew him up into its canopy, and he disappeared from view. A rain of cherry blossoms fell, spiling down upon my upturned face, clouding my vision as my love was finally gone.

It was only fitting that Seishirou returned to this place. It was the only place I could have finally, truly, let him lay in rest. I don’t think there could have been anywhere else that I could have released him.

I felt a touch to my shoulder and dropped my head to look. A tendril from the Sakura rested there, gently touching me. It slowly wound itself fully around my shoulders, another slipping around my waist. Its gentle insistent tugging drew me to my feet. Another tendril reached out and gently trailed over my face. The touch was soft, like flesh, like the touch of a hand. I closed my eyes and leant into that touch. It felt like Seishirou. I opened my eyes to look up at the tree. There was no sign of him. He was a part of the Sakura now.

Another tendril tenderly brushed the hair from my forehead. I felt a slight tightening and moved forward. I felt no fear, no dread. I felt nothing. I stopped, only a handspan away from the trunk. Those branches remained twined around my body. They did not trap, did not confine or bind. They were a gentle, comforting presence.

I reached out a hand and lay it lightly on the bark before me. It felt warm as well, soft, not like a real tree. For, of course, the Sakura was not that. I found myself leaning forward until my cheek rested against the trunk. I could almost feel a beating under my touch, like a heartbeat. More branches dropped lower, enclosing me, caressing me, holding me as I had so longed to be held by Seishirou.

I closed me eyes and stood there. I felt my face stroked, touches trailing through my hair. It felt like a hand, a masculine hand with long fingers, a hand I knew.

I suddenly caught the scent of cigarettes, a brand that I knew so well, although it was not one that I smoked. That scent was strong, cutting through that of the cherry blossoms, as though the person was standing so very close to me. As close as he had been when I had held his dying body in my arms.

I lifted my head and looked upwards. There was still nothing there. Nothing but cherry blossoms, but I could still smell him. Smell Seishirou. A small smile tugged at the corner of my mouth and I closed my eyes, leaning back against the trunk, pressing myself against it as fully as I could. The winding branches wrapped around me again, holding me closely.

Seishirou may be gone, but he was a part of the Sakura. And the Sakura felt just like Seishirou. It felt like my love, even the scent was of him. So this was the only thing left for me that was of him.

The Sakura was now mine.

~End~