The Good, The Bad, The Horny

The Good, the Bad, the Horny

Disclaimer: I do not own “Saiyuki”. It is the property of Kazuya Minekura, of whom we all love, adore, and are seriously jealous of her artistic talent.

Prologue

It wasn’t until he had opened his eyes and seen the yellow, smiling rubber ducky float by that he realized something: his brains had literally been fucked out of him. Sanzo moaned and closed his eyes again. This couldn’t have happened. How the HELL had he gotten himself into this mess? Oh…right; he had accepted the mission.
Fuck.
For awhile the monk just laid where he was at, trying to decide whether his brains had truly been changed to mush due to the constant invasion of his anus or if his body was merely going on strike for awhile. Either way, he couldn’t move. His limbs were stiff and the lower region of his slim body now ached from his the space between his legs to the tips of his toes. Minutes passed by and Sanzo continued to just lie there, not even caring of where he was exactly. For all he knew, or cared at this point, he could be dead and burning in Hell.
No…he wasn’t that lucky. He had done too much shit in his life…no way the devil would ever take him. And that annoying bitch of a Goddess certainly wasn’t going to let him die this early and ruin her fun…so that meant only one thing: he was still alive.
Damn it all…
Forcing his eyes open, Sanzo finally took in his surroundings. He had expected to find himself somewhere other than he was…somewhere that was dark, dank; a prison cell maybe. After all, the last person of whom Sanzo had seen-err, well, FELT inside of him had been Kougaji, and he was almost certain that the youkai would have either killed him by now or imprisoned him somewhere until the location of the sutra would be revealed but, since he was indeed still alive (and angered slightly by that thought as stated earlier), he decided that the prince had done the latter and merely locked him away. However, Sanzo would have expected the dungeons of the youkai prince’s lair to be a little less…colorful.
Every square inch of the surrounding room, or as far as Sanzo dared to look anyway, was covered head to foot in pink. That’s right; happy, perky, blushing petal (sadly, an actual paint color) pink. Sitting alongside the walls and perched upon shelves about the room were starry-eyed, smiling stuffed animals of every species, and some of which could only be imagined in dreams.
“………”
Sanzo groaned and re-closed his eyes. Maybe he had thought wrong. Maybe he HAD died and this was Satan’s idea of a very cruel joke….
“Ohaiyo, Sanzo-sama!”
“…….” Great. Now he was hearing things.
“Hey!!!” the voice, one of a young sounding female, came again. “Ohaiyo!!”
Just ignore the damn thing and it will go away. Ignore…ignore….ignore…ignore…ignore…ignore…ignore….
“Why you-!” the voice growled. “I said….OHAIYO SANZO-SAMA!!!”
And all at once Sanzo felt it, a very sharp kick in his side from what felt like a foot wearing a led shoe.
“Son of a bitch!” the blonde yelped as he sat up with a jerk, holding his aching side. He growled and looked around him for the bitch that had kicked his already sore body, blinking a little when he didn’t find anyone.
KICK.
“GOD DAMNIT!” he cursed again as another kick came to his other side, only it was lower this time. Ready to kill the first thing he saw, Sanzo turned and found a mid-sized doll starring up at him, a tray of tea and small cakes in her hands.
She had a smile on her face, rosy cheeks adorned by curly locks that shimmered every color of the known rainbow. The doll had cleavage that was for sure, seeing as it bulged out of the little Alice in Wonderland style dress that she wore. Good Gods…
“You know, Sanzo-sama,” the doll stated with her ever present smile, “You really shouldn’t swear…” and in saying this, she kicked him again with that iron clad leg of hers causing the monk to yelp. “It’s bad for you…”
“Yeah? So is kicking me you little bitch. I have a right to just pull you fucking limb from limb!” Sanzo growled at her. Wait. Was he talking to a DOLL? He had gone nuts.
The doll pouted. “Aww. You dun wanna do that, do you?” she continued to smile as she walked to the side of him, the monk never once taking his eyes off of the little bastard lest she decide to kick him again, and sat the tea tray down. “After all. I’ve been taking care of you for Master ever since that Mr. Kougaiji brought you here, and I’ve been doing a very good job. I even got you clothes!”
“Clothes?” Sanzo blinked and for the first time since he had regained consciousness looked down at his own body. He had been naked for so long that he supposed that he would just wake up naked again…like he had so many times before on this day…but instead he found himself in a dark purple fuzzy robe, complete with slippers. “………” he would rather be naked. “What the fuck is this?”
The doll whapped him on the knee. “I said no cursing.” Her tone was very blunt.
“Gah!” Sanzo shook his head and rubbed his sore knee. He swore to himself that this little bitch was going to melt at the mercy of his lighter if he ever got out of this damned situation!! “Fine…fine…what…what is going on?”
The monk would play her game for now. He would have to if he ever wanted to see the creature torn limb from limb and slowly melted to death by his own hands. The doll, in return, smiled at Sanzo’s change in wording.
“Well, since you asked so NICELY…” she purred and played with the hem of her dress a little. “You’re in Master’s special new home. He told me to take care of you while he talked to Mr. Kougaiji, and that’s what I’m doing! I gave you a nice warm robe and brought you some tea….and then you can take a nice little bath!”
“Bath?” Sanzo arched a brow.
“Hai! A bath!” the doll nodded and pointed behind Sanzo. “Didn’t you see the tub when you woke up??”
“….no….” Sanzo was afraid to look, but his human curiosity (damned as it may be) forced him to glance behind his shoulder at where the creature was pointing.
And there it laid the largest tub the monk had ever seen. The enormous tub filled nearly half of the room with wisps of steam curling their way from the water’s top. Sanzo stared at it for a few minutes, trying to figure out why he hadn’t noticed the large bath there before….and then he remembered the duck. Mother fuck he felt stupid right now, but at least this proved that his brain hadn’t been fucked into mush, and that was a good thing he supposed….
“Do you want to take your bath before, or after you have your tea?” the little doll cut through Sanzo’s thoughts as she held up the enormous (compared to her anyway) tea cup up to the blonde.
“Who said I was going to bath?” Sanzo glared at her. He had just found out he was in clothing, no way in hell he was taking it off…even if it was very fuzzy and…purple. At least it covered his anus from any probing objects.
“I did.” The doll continued to smile and stepped forward, bringing the cup even closer to Sanzo.
“And who are you to tell me what to do?” the monk growled at her.
“I’m Melyn.” The doll purred to him, “And right now, I’m your caretaker, so you best do as you are told…or have you already forgotten how much it hurt when I kicked you??” something wicked glimmered momentarily in Melyn’s green little eyes before vanishing. “Now, why don’t you drink your tea and then hop into the tub, okay?”
Sanzo arched a brow. He had a bad feeling that he had been threatened by a doll…and was actually going to do as she said. Slowly, he took the cup of tea from Melyn and held it in his hands, keeping his eyes on the doll as long as he possibly could. It was true that her swift kicks to his sides and knee had been rather painful, though he wasn’t sure if that was because he himself was in a major amount of pain, or if this doll was truly as strong as she bragged to be in her threateningly cute little way.
“Well…go ahead and drink up. It’s GOOD tea…” Melyn stated, and then added in proudly, “My own special blend.”
“Let me guess….” Sanzo asked as he looked at the contents within his cup. “It’s drug induced, isn’t it?”
Melyn giggled and even blushed a little (such a creepy, creepy doll she was), “Oh, you are so silly Sanzo-sama! Why would I ruin my lovely apple cinnamon tea with nasty old drugs?”
“Because you’re a creepy little whore…” Sanzo mumbled and brought the cup to his lips.
The monk didn’t drink right away. No. Sanzo may have been blonde, but he was smarter than most of his kind. Sanzo brought the cup to his lips and let the scent of this so called ‘apple cinnamon tea’ make its way into his senses. He didn’t SMELL anything out of the ordinary…his red tongue flicked out, barely lapping at the hot liquid. Nothing TASTED funny about it….
Now Sanzo was one to be paranoid, VERY paranoid; especially around this time of the year (and for those of you who read the story previous to this one, you understand why…), and he would gladly continue on his tradition of being paranoid if his body wasn’t as weak as it was at this moment in time. The blonde knew that if he wished to get out of this situation he would have to have more strength than his body held now. Hell, he could hardly move a finger without some type of pain shooting through his aching skin…if he wanted out, he would need to be patient and let his body heal.
The doll, this creep-tastic little Melyn…she didn’t seem much of a threat, well, as long as Sanzo could play his cards right and abide by her rules. And whoever her ‘Master’ was, they didn’t seem to be too interested in fucking him at this particular moment in time (though in the back of his mind Sanzo feared that soon the deep poking of his inner anus would begin again)…so…since it didn’t seem to be tainted…this tea seemed to be Sanzo’s first step in his slight recovery and highly chanced freedom.
“Hey.” Speaking of scary little dolls, Melyn spoke up quickly as she poked him in his foot. “Are you going to drink it or just stare at it? It’s going to get cold!!”
“What?” Sanzo blinked a little. Had he drifted off inside his own thoughts? Must have….funny, he didn’t realize he was thinking THAT hard…. “Oh…yeah, yeah. I’m drinking it. I’m drinking it…” he grumbled and brought the cup back to his lips, parted them, and allowed the liquid to travel down his throat.
“Good boy!! Master will be so pleased that you drank it all!” Melyn clapped her hands together and quickly took the cup away from Sanzo…and that was when he noticed the ground up leaves at the bottom of the glass.
Oh shit….
“That was drugged!” Sanzo felt himself wretch. He was fucked now. Oh Gods he was fucked…
“No it wasn’t.” Melyn spoke calmly, brushing a couple multi-colored locks of hair from her face as she put the cup back onto the tray. “Drugging a drink means you put those nasty pill things in it. Adding in natural herbs just means it’s…natural….”
“You little shit!” Sanzo growled and grabbed the doll in both hands, jerking her back to face him roughly. “It’s the same damn thing!!” no wonder he hadn’t been able to taste or smell anything!
“Is it??” Melyn batted her little green eyes at Sanzo. “Oh deary me. I didn’t know…”
“Fucker…” Sanzo hissed out, and though he meant to squeeze the living whatever out of the possessed doll, his hands stopped working and went almost numb. Whatever she had slipped into his drink had been fast acting and strong.
Melyn giggled as she landed on the floor and went straight back to her work cleaning up the dishes. “You’re so funny, Sanzo-sama. But don’t worry. Those tea leaves were very special. They won’t knock you out, oh no…” she picked up the tea tray and turned to face him again. “But they will make you feel EVER so good. Look! They’re already working!”
Sanzo’s first instincts were to glance at the area between his legs. Hell, why not? Everyone else had been fucking him today, why not have a little doll rape him too? That would just make his day ever so perfect… Much to the blonde’s surprise though, the part of the robe that covered his most sensitive of areas was still limp. Well…that was something…new.
“Why are you staring at your crotch?” Melyn asked. “Is it really that interesting?”
“What?” Sanzo’s head felt a little groggy. “No…I thought…when you said they were working-hey what are you doing?!”
Melyn smirked and looked up at Sanzo from where she had lifted up part of his robe. “You thought I gave you a sex drug, ne? Silly, silly Sanzo-sama….” She put the robe down and smoothed it gently, causing Sanzo to twitch; he was getting molested by a damnable Barbie doll from hell!! “I wouldn’t do that.”
“Of course you wouldn’t…” Sanzo moved back from the small plastic hands.
Green eyes smiled up at him. “I wouldn’t. Those leaves were special indeed…they will allow your sore body to relax. Now…” she turned and re-picked up the tea tray. “Why don’t you slip into the tub and I will go and fetch my master. He’s been waiting to talk to you since Mr. Kougaiji brought you here.”
Sanzo shook his head, which by this point was beginning to get a little…foggy. He wanted to ask Melyn where here was exactly, or rather smash the information out of her, but by the time he had gotten his groggy mind to work in speed again, the doll had gone. Blinking slowly, the monk looked around, trying to figure out if the doll really had moved that fast from the room, or if his mind truly had begun to slow down in its thinking process. Either way, he was alone now.
“Fucking great….” Sanzo groaned and tried to stand up to no avail. It wasn’t that he couldn’t stand up, it was that when he tried, his head along with the entire room began to spin a little. “Damn.” With a sigh the blonde sat back down and held his head in his hands until the spinning stopped.
There was no way that he could get out of here wearing a fuzzy purple robe with a head that spun whenever he lifted himself more than two inches off the ground. Stupid ass drug, why hadn’t he caught it ahead of time!? This was the last time he let his paranoia down ever again, ESPECIALLY around his so-called companions who had started this entire fiasco by not being able to control their rampaging dicks!!!
Deep breath….deep breath….
Sanzo sighed and tried to get his thoughts together. The drug couldn’t last forever, and once it wore off he had to be able to get out of here. The only one he would be able to rely on to get out of this mess would be himself, though with how he was now he wouldn’t be able to go anywhere with the way his body was. Lavender eyes drifted over to the enormous tub that had been pointed out to him before. Well…going in for a little while couldn’t hurt…
Damn it, why not? If he was going to be fucked again, he might as well get fucked after he had managed to let his body rest for awhile, and who knew? Maybe that ‘Master’ of Melyn’s would come in to talk to him and Sanzo could drown him. Managing to get his body to move more than an inch at a time, Sanzo stripped of the grotesque robe and let it pile about his feet on the floor. Slowly, and taking his time, Sanzo moved into the water allowing a groan to escape his throat as his body was surrounded by the steamy liquid.
Sanzo allowed his body to sink down into the water until all but his shoulders up were covered. Though he didn’t want to admit it…this felt pretty good on his aching limbs. Now…he needed to get his mind together while his body rested. If he could just do that, there was a possibility that he could be out of here. Then he could teach those comrades of his a lesson…starting with the Kappa….oh yes. Gojyo was going to pay…


(From PhantomAngel: More to come. I had a lot of free time over Christmas break. May not be as good as my other story, but comments are welcome. ^^ Thanks! More coming soon!!)