The Wish of These Hands | By : maderine Category: +. to F > Angel Sanctuary Views: 2056 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Angel Sanctuary, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
A/N: This is a story in two parts. The first part takes place during vol. 7 of Angel Sanctuary directly after Setsuna’s soul returns from Hades and is placed accidentally into the body of Alexiel. Large hunks of dialogue are stolen directly from the manga, and spoilers, of course, abound.
Speaking of which, Angel Sanctuary is the property of Kaori Yuki and Hakuensha, and more recently, Tokyopop.
Kira thought of blood and blue roses as he walked through the empty halls of the Gehenna palace. Too many secrets and surprises with the haze of old memory were turning up around every corner, and without knowing quite why, Kira sensed that jester’s hand in it all. The way she had looked at him as if she knew him, with a smile that promised pandemonium… More and more, ever since Setsuna had become directly involved in this heavenly mess, Kira felt as if he were being assaulted by feelings and images of a life he scarcely remembered living. There was much more at work here than the ambition of the evil clan of Anagura. And now Eishera had been killed…
He had to find Setsuna.
Flinging open a door, Kira called out, “Setsuna! You here?” and was relieved to hear a voice, not Setsuna’s, but just as longed for, answer, “I’m here.”
Setsuna stood with his back to Kira, framed in the doorway, facing a long mirror. In one hand he held the heavy silken mass of Alexiel’s dark hair, and in the other he held a knife. He looked over his shoulder at Kira with his same careless old smile that was strange on a woman’s beautiful face. “Hey, sempai,” he said. “You came at the perfect time. Can you help me out? This hair is too long. It’ll get in the way on my trip to Yezirah. Could you help me cut it, Kira? Just take it all off.”
That wealth of hair spilled between Setsuna’s fingers, over his bare shoulders and down his back. He’d gathered it up in one fist at the nape of his elegant neck and set the knife there, trying clumsily to saw through. “Jeez…” he muttered. “Sure is hard to cut…” Soft, curling strands of hair already littered the floor about his bare feet. Alexiel’s high boots and the heels that had given Setsuna such trouble were gone. There was only smooth skin, long graceful legs and delicate feet. Kira stood in shock, mouth half open to protest while more and more hair drifted to the floor as Setsuna continued to hack at it ineffectually with the knife. “D… don’t…” Kira whispered, and then, “Don’t, Alexiel!” and he reached out almost unconsciously to grasp the hand that held the knife, to pull it away from its butchering work.
Kira’s grip on Setsuna’s wrist was harsh, and Setsuna let the knife fall to the stone floor with a clatter that was loud in the suddenly tense silence. “Alex…iel?” Setsuna whispered, and his eyes – Alexiel’s eyes, clear as glass – held something that Kira didn’t understand. Setsuna wrenched his arm away, and Kira let him. He turned his back and retreated against the far wall. Kira watched him lift Alexiel’s body up onto the shelf of a candlelit alcove, shoulders hunched, legs drawn up, and it was unquestionably Setsuna in that body. Alexiel would never be so vulnerable. “You don’t want to cut it… because it’s Alexiel’s hair?” Setsuna said. Not quite a question. “But I don’t like this hair. It’s heavy and annoying and pretty. Every time I see it, it reminds me of Alexiel’s existence.” He looked up at Kira, and Kira could see Setsuna’s pleading there in that beautiful face that had always been so cold and remote. “Is it the same for you?” Setsuna asked softly. “What happened in the past that I don’t know about?” He hesitated. “Did you… love Alexiel?”
His eyes held Kira’s, expecting, needing an answer, but Kira had none to give. He was struggling to reconcile it – that face and that body, that husky feminine voice speaking Setsuna’s confusion. “I don’t know what happened between Alexiel and you. That’s because I thought it had nothing to do with me,” Setsuna said finally, perhaps realising that he wouldn’t get an answer to his question. But he was not as indifferent as he pretended to be. That voice, Alexiel’s voice which had always been so controlled, wavered with emotion. “Since entering this body, old memories and feelings have been attacking me. Sometimes I can’t tell if they’re Alexiel’s memories or mine. I know things I couldn’t know, and feel things I shouldn’t feel… It’s driving me crazy! That’s why I hate it,” he said. “This face and this body… even this hair. It’s too heavy for me. I wanted to cut it all off.”
Setsuna hugged one knee to his chest and rested his head there. He was oblivious to the way his hunched shoulders made his bodice gape over the breasts he was unaccustomed to having or how his drawn up leg pulled the hem of his short dress askew and revealed the hint of lace panties that he should not, absolutely should not have been wearing. “I know cutting the hair or even changing my face won’t do anything. This will still be Alexiel’s body.” He said so, but he had no concept of what he was saying. “No matter what, I’m me! I can’t become the Great Alexiel,” Setsuna declared, and he swung his legs down. His back straightened, and there was Setsuna’s defiance surfacing at last, the one trait that, undeniably and despite all differences, he shared with Alexiel.
Perhaps it was that which finally shook Kira from his daze. “Great?” he said bitterly. “That woman?” Oh, she was ever that. That beautiful and bloodied flower that bloomed on the battlefield in a mountain of corpses… Even though she was such a terrifying woman… that long and shining hair dyed with blood took his breath away. Kira reached out a hand then to touch it, the aspiration of centuries to feel that heavy silken hair under his own fingers, to feel it slide softly over his skin.
When the fighting is over, could you have one wish, Nanatsusaya, what would you wish for?
Kira let himself caress Alexiel’s beautiful face that now wore Setsuna’s shock. His fingers touched those full, open lips. “I thought… if she would ever give her body to me… that I wanted to touch it.”
If had a body of my own, if I had arms I would hold you with them… I would touch your beautiful hair.
“That’s what I thought,” Kira spoke softly, lips all but touching that cool hair, that soft cheek. His arm was around Setsuna’s bare shoulders, and Setsuna’s bare legs were spread around his hips, pressing against him, smooth skin against rough denim. If Setsuna tried to close them, he wouldn’t be able, but likely he didn’t even realise that he should.
“She was said to have given everything to battle, and yet that beautiful hair was proof that she could not completely give up being a woman.” Kira grabbed a handful of it as Setsuna had done, and let it spill between his fingers. “I wanted to cut it off,” he said, and he wrapped long strands around his fist. “I’ll tell you the truth, Setsuna… I hated Alexiel.” His grip on Alexiel’s hair became fierce. “That woman knew my weakness. She used my secrets against me and forced me to fight.”
I am the only one who can wield you.
I will not free you now. You and I are forever, Nanatsusaya…
“And yet she broke our agreement and fell into the hands of those in heaven. I can’t forgive that.” No. I can’t forgive her.
Setsuna’s hand brushed Kira’s side as if he wasn’t sure whether or not he should be pushing Kira away. He was paralysed with indecision, and his shallow, rapid breaths – perhaps he was even a little frightened – pressed those soft breasts to Kira’s chest. Kira’s hand fell to the swell Alexiel’s hip, and he felt that body jump almost imperceptibly. “I’ve chased after your soul through the years so that you would keep your promise to me.” Kira’s fingers hooked under the hem of Alexiel’s short dress, and he slid it up her leg, and Setsuna said nothing. Kira popped the button of his jeans, and slid down the zipper with a metallic shiver of sound that made Setsuna shiver as well, but still, he said nothing. “I raped you,” Kira whispered in a soft tone that belied the harshness of his words. He pushed those incongruous panties aside with impatient fingers. “… and I killed you.”
With one forceful movement, Kira pushed inside Alexiel’s body, and finally, Setsuna made a sound, a breathy woman’s cry that wavered between pain and perhaps something more subtle still, and Kira thought it was unbecoming of them both, boy and angel. Alexiel’s thighs tightened reflexively about his hips, but it was much too late now for decorum. Kira barely pulled back before pushing in again with a sharp breath of his own, and her body gave way to him.
His first thrusts were hard and angry, and they drove Setsuna back against the wall where Kira held him pinned between cold stone and his own unyielding body. Setsuna’s hand pushed insistently at him now, scrabbling at his shirt, perhaps to push him away. But Setsuna was silent, completely silent save for the little involuntary gasp he made each time Kira drove into him, and he held to Kira with that indecisive touch to his chest. They did not look at each other. Setsuna stared over Kira’s shoulder at the mirror behind them, maybe seeing himself and maybe not in the woman who threw back her head and wrapped her long bare legs around Kira’s denim-covered hips. And Kira, eyes closed, let his hands see for him, describing the soft curves of the woman he’d served for a hundred lifetimes, and listened to the quiet and self-conscious little moans of the boy he’d loved for less than the fullness of one.
Setsuna’s face was damp where he tucked it against Kira’s neck. With sweat, with tears, Kira didn’t know and had no thought to spare for it. Setsuna was murmuring something over and over. Kira could feel him form the syllables on his skin. Kira… Kira… Kira… Or perhaps he only wanted it to be. Pulling Alexiel’s body hard against his, he forced them together as tightly and as deeply as he could, and he breathed a shuddering sigh into the silky curtain of Alexiel’s dark curling hair as he came with her delicate fingers knotted in his shirt and her soft thighs locked around his hips.
Slowly, slowly Setsuna released the grip of his legs, and lowered them around Kira’s body, still pressed close, and Kira withdrew with far more care than he’d shown earlier. Setsuna made no protest, but his lips compressed momentarily, and his eyes squeezed shut. Probably, it was uncomfortable for him, his body unused to it, to say the least. His hands did not let go of Kira’s shirt, and Kira could feel them trembling ever so slightly.
He refastened his jeans. Setsuna was watching him with wide eyes – her eyes that had never held such an expression – and it unnerved him, made him realise what he had done and to whom. “Yes…” he said, voice low and angry. Angry at himself, and most of all at Setsuna for making him feel. “I hated you,” and he saw Setsuna flinch. “That’s why I killed the whore who was your previous incarnation.” His hand slid from Alexiel’s hair and covered her delicate white throat. He felt Setsuna swallow under his palm. “I killed you out of rage.”
Setsuna drew back under pressure from that hand, but not in fear. “You’re lying…” he said with a certainty he could not possibly feel.
“I’m not lying. I haven’t changed at all,” Kira replied with bitterness that wanted to be truth. “Taking innocent lives means nothing to me.”
“Kira!” Setsuna exclaimed, but the shock was not directed at him. Kira’s gaze followed Setsuna’s and he saw an uncertain shape shimmering in the mirror behind them. He turned immediately, and Setsuna slid down from the stone shelf beside him.
“I have something to show you that might interest you, Messiah,” the apparition spoke, and Kira recognised that androgynous voice at once. It was that meddlesome emissary of hell who called herself the Madhatter. In the mirror, her indistinct form was replaced by a different picture. A body was laid out on a stone bier, pale and peaceful and composed, with a crystal dagger thrusting up from a heart that no longer beat. Setsuna’s body. A crowd seemed to be gathering around it, milling and muttering ominously.
With a gasp of alarm, Setsuna took two steps towards the mirror as if he might reach through it and pluck his own body to safety, but he quickly turned. Before he could run, though, Kira made a grab for him and caught his arm. “Setsuna, you can’t go alone.” He didn’t like the thought of Setsuna facing down a room full of demons – even minor ones – by himself, but Setsuna jerked free of his grip and gave him a hard look that was so full of Alexiel’s imperious command that Kira let him go without a thought, and he took off at a run down the hallway, no doubt in the direction of the chamber where his helpless body was under siege.
“He doesn’t really need to know your identity, does he?” the mirror spoke again behind him, and Kira didn’t bother to turn. He had no desire to play games with the jester.
Her arms – no apparition, but solid and real – went around his shoulders, and her long painted nails, like talons, curved into his skin. Her thin chest pressed up against his rigid back so that he could feel each button on her coat front. “Just keep things as they are. Then you still have a reason to stay by Alexiel’s side.” There was a silent space, and he felt her warm, poisonous breath against his cheek. “Am I wrong?”
Galvanised by her mockery, Kira strode angrily away from the mirror and her embrace. “Keep your filthy hands off me,” he said coldly.
Soft and knowing laughter followed him. “I see… He has a mysterious charm, the Messiah.”
With a snarl of rage, Kira spun, drawing Shiranui in the same movement, and brought the blade sharply against the mirror and its mocking occupant. Mirror and frame shattered with an unmusical chime, and each shard seemed to hold the jester’s smiling face.
“No sense of humour…” she tsked. “Not now…. Not ever.”
Kira ground broken glass under his boot.
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